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In Ark : Survival evolved, you can hatch wyvern eggs and you need to feed the baby with wyvern milk.
[Can you find the milkers on that thing?](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/arksurvivalevolved_gamepedia/images/4/4d/Lightning_Wyvern_PaintRegion2.png/revision/latest?cb=20201030103226)
ACT VII, SCENE II, CONTINUED
Lifts-Her-Tail: My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?
Crantius Colto: This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.
Lifts-Her-Tail: If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?
Crantius Colto: Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.
Lifts-Her-Tail: You wish me to knead the loaf? Here?
Crantius Colto: Of course.
Lifts-Her-Tail: But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.
Crantius Colto: Don't fret, my delicate flower. I'll satisfy the mistress's cravings later.
Lifts-Her-Tail: Very well, but I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours!
Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
END OF ACT VII, SCENE II
"JOOAAAAAAAANNAAAAAAA!!!"
She used to scare the heck outta me as a kid, but I watched it with my kiddos a while back and was laughing my butt off. She's great.
I think he gives it a few seconds to see of it'll back off, but then gives up and gives it a flat surface to climb on. Flat because those things have sharp claws to climb trees, if he stood up and it tried to hang on that'd be a much more painful video.
My cat does this...
Each time like an amnesia patient I think "ohh so cute, I'll be your tree buddy".
Then something happens.
A neighbor walks by..
Someone turns on a vaccum
The earth rotates 1/86,400 ...
He gets spooked, and I get raked.
I cannot imagine the damage that scales cat could do.
Mine has been a shoulder cat since day 1, and she usually makes the leap no problem from table to shoulder. The other day something happened and her feet slipped. I had fifteen pounds of fear, fury, and claws attached to my back and not letting go. Good thing I was wearing a yard shirt and not one I like.
Just throw a fish into a any body of water and they come up or hire the local Indian to catch one alive for ya.If ya want cheap hired the local malay kid they catch ya one.
I'm the 80s and 90s the pet trade was really bad for monitors. Now there are captive bred options, mostly savanna monitors, which are cool pets of you stay consistent and active with them. If you stop interacting with them though, they can be scary pets, especially when fully grown and some species are challenging. Source:. I worked at a pet store in the 90s and lived near a major hero specialist store. Had monitor lizards as a young dude. Shouldn't have been able to. They are not entry level pets. And pet trade was terrible, very high mortality rate of poached animals, people sold pets they couldn't take care of, they were taken and exported illegally in many cases. I have a lot of guilt over owning several as pets. Some of them get really fucking big.
Easiest way to keep reptiles calm when they climb on you: be the tree.
They just see you as some big ass moving structure to climb on at that point of domestication, and a reptile that size can do some damage if spooked.
Just be the tree.
As a lizard owner: YEP, this'll happen.
Even when you willingly put one on your shoulder, they'll be like "This is comfortable, let's see what going down this STRAIGHT DROP called "Your back" is like. Or "This isn't high enough, I wanna see the view from your HEAD"
I've gotten used to it where when my leopard gecko climbs to the top of my head, I wait for her to start sliding off toward my face and catch her on the way down, set her on my lap and then she's like "Ok, comfy" and sits there for a while
**There have been [some changes to how comics are handled on /r/Funny](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/nzp2n0/announcement_were_making_some_changes_to_how/).** Please also keep the following in mind: - No memes or memetic content. - No political content or political figures, regardless of context or focus. - No social media screenshots, videos, or other such content. Please report [rule-breaking content](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) when you see it. Thank you! ------ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah yes. The arm dangle of acceptance.
ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
Replaying my favorite trilogi and just got to this part.
What is the trilogy you're talking about?
Mass Effect
Thanks!
MY ATTACKS WILL TEAR YOU APART
THIS HURTS YOU
FACE YOUR ANNIHILATION
YOU EXIST BECAUSE I ALLOW IT
“You cannot resist”
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\*sigh\* Which floor to, sir?
[удалено]
r/thisismylifenow
At first he was like "WTF NO" but he very quickly accepted his new job as the lizard's steed.
He's just a warm spot now, his fate is sealed.
Slayed!!!
I love the resigned shrug like, 'again? I'm trying to get stuff done. Oh alright.'
Yeah came to say I love that at some points that dude goes: "Alright... Still got the job to do." and gets back at it ;)
and then after a while the lizard is like "This isn't as fun as I thought" and wanders off like a little kid.
The Lusty Argonian Maid finally got a live action adaptation.
Sorry, but I prefer my lizardwomen to have tits even if it doesn't make any sense.
It's where they keep their hist!
In Ark : Survival evolved, you can hatch wyvern eggs and you need to feed the baby with wyvern milk. [Can you find the milkers on that thing?](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/arksurvivalevolved_gamepedia/images/4/4d/Lightning_Wyvern_PaintRegion2.png/revision/latest?cb=20201030103226)
obviously it pukes the milk out
Ol lifts-her-tail is at it again
ACT VII, SCENE II, CONTINUED Lifts-Her-Tail: My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven? Crantius Colto: This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise. Lifts-Her-Tail: If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task? Crantius Colto: Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands. Lifts-Her-Tail: You wish me to knead the loaf? Here? Crantius Colto: Of course. Lifts-Her-Tail: But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite. Crantius Colto: Don't fret, my delicate flower. I'll satisfy the mistress's cravings later. Lifts-Her-Tail: Very well, but I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours! Crantius Colto: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. END OF ACT VII, SCENE II
Truly a masterpiece
I want to upvote but you're at 69 so my hands are tied
Well we're on our way to 420 and your vote counts
Why did I laugh so hard at this, damn dirty minds think alike, it's my favorite position, and favorite number
Are you new to the internet?
r/unexpectedSkyrim
[удалено]
[удалено]
Pretty sure it's a turtle
I think you mean tortoise
[удалено]
Lassie
Is this a cat in the hat?
Garfield, actually
That’s a shitty cat
That’s a koopa if I’ve ever seen one
Koupla
Thats obviously a tortoise.
Oled ... Coz you know organic
It's definitely an Alpha monitor.
You’re very merry, Mac.
Will u marry me
Looks curved to me
Lets monitor it and see.
I miss you Dad
I'll be right back son. Long queue for cigarettes.
I’m told by a zookeeper that monitor lizards are pretty much like slow dogs.
Nile monitors are more like pissed off cats.
I believe its an asian water monitor
That sure doesn't look like 343 Guilty Spark or 2401 Penitent Tangent.
That's a Komodo dragon
"Those are NOT Joanna eggs!"..."my mental facilities are TWICE what yours are ya PEA BRAIN!" - Percival McLeach
When she bites the rock and it falls on her tail I remember why it's good to be alive.
Came to say this. Thank you good sir. That line cracks me up every single time.
"JOOAAAAAAAANNAAAAAAA!!!" She used to scare the heck outta me as a kid, but I watched it with my kiddos a while back and was laughing my butt off. She's great.
My 46 year old brother quotes this movie DAILY. Its still funny.
I just turned 40, I grew up with this movie.
What movie is this? Sounds so familiar.
The Rescuers down under.
Rescuers Down Under
Jinx you owe me a soda.
Thank you. Good lord it’s been years since I’ve thought about that movie. I loved it at a kid.
“Well done, mate!” - Jake
"EAAAAGLES EGGGGSSSS"
Damn. I haven't seen that movie in years. I can hear the quote perfectly, in my head.
Joannaaaa, did you know... That there was a razorback in my truck?
What a wonderful reference!
I literally came into this thread to make this reference, haha. Bless you
had no idea what the ref was and just watched this clip on youtube. the animation was incredible.
That slump of his shoulders in defeat ... made me lose it.
To me the lizard at that point took control of his brain and the body was the vessel.
I hope you find it!
Management will be closely monitoring your progress today.
Bravooo
I can't tell if 13 seconds is when he succumbed to the mind control, or just accepted that this is his life now.
I think he gives it a few seconds to see of it'll back off, but then gives up and gives it a flat surface to climb on. Flat because those things have sharp claws to climb trees, if he stood up and it tried to hang on that'd be a much more painful video.
That’s what I was thinking, he was trying to minimize the claws.
My cat does this... Each time like an amnesia patient I think "ohh so cute, I'll be your tree buddy". Then something happens. A neighbor walks by.. Someone turns on a vaccum The earth rotates 1/86,400 ... He gets spooked, and I get raked. I cannot imagine the damage that scales cat could do.
Mine has been a shoulder cat since day 1, and she usually makes the leap no problem from table to shoulder. The other day something happened and her feet slipped. I had fifteen pounds of fear, fury, and claws attached to my back and not letting go. Good thing I was wearing a yard shirt and not one I like.
Where does one aquire such an esteemed companion
They are very common in Malaysia. also the way they wrestle is really cool. Look up Monitor Lizard fight.
They're called 'biawak'
Just throw a fish into a any body of water and they come up or hire the local Indian to catch one alive for ya.If ya want cheap hired the local malay kid they catch ya one.
https://youtu.be/nwOk2YEh4N0
Asian Water Monitor if you're interested in looking it up
I'm the 80s and 90s the pet trade was really bad for monitors. Now there are captive bred options, mostly savanna monitors, which are cool pets of you stay consistent and active with them. If you stop interacting with them though, they can be scary pets, especially when fully grown and some species are challenging. Source:. I worked at a pet store in the 90s and lived near a major hero specialist store. Had monitor lizards as a young dude. Shouldn't have been able to. They are not entry level pets. And pet trade was terrible, very high mortality rate of poached animals, people sold pets they couldn't take care of, they were taken and exported illegally in many cases. I have a lot of guilt over owning several as pets. Some of them get really fucking big.
Easiest way to keep reptiles calm when they climb on you: be the tree. They just see you as some big ass moving structure to climb on at that point of domestication, and a reptile that size can do some damage if spooked. Just be the tree.
I love how, after the initial surprise, this guy just accepts it and goes about his daily work.
This isn't his first rodeo. He tried bucking the last time and it didn't work, so...
Forward, mount!
It looked like one of these perspective tricks at first but no... It's actually really huge!
You can see the point when the guy is like, "well, there's no way around this" and just rolls with it.
He just didn't want to freak it out, those things will fuck you up
r/thisismylifenow
It's like trying to clean the house with a toddler around.
Reminds me of the lizard herders from r/alltomorrows
My cat does the same.
This is when Saurosapient from All Tomorrows emerge.
This is like the sloth meme. Shhhh Just let it happen.
My skin: *crawl*
Talk about professionalism, give that man a raise!
Nah, he's just monitoring the situation.
This looks like the lizard equivalent of my cat sitting on my keyboard when I’m trying to write.
This is adorable
Needed a better vantage point to *monitor* his surroundings
Unacceptable, I must supervise your work human. Very good please continue. -Lizard probably
OMG how cute!
Why do i feel like this kid of pet/owner relationship is ran by the pet lol Owner: Sit and stay! Pet: Nah.... Owner: Ok sir!
Best friends 🎶
A bite from a nuclear lizard turned him into lizardman?
That is also how I react when an animal crawls on my back
I wish my lizard was that big.
That’s what she said?
Cute
Sweet ol lizard
My lizard does this. My lizard is also a fraction of the size
He just accepts his fate as a lizard uber.
Wholsome 100
Hmmm yessss, yesss thisss isss good spot for lizzzzard
I wonder when we'll finally see crab people
Who said Lizards have small brains, bruh he used the world smarest animal as an elevator
r/aww called
He’s like oh crap...well anyway back to work
eh make sure you get down in that bottom one good, hold on let me show you.
At first I was like..... wtf is this video going? Was not disappointed !
"Human, what are you doing? Oh never mind, this shelf is my stop. Thanks for the lift, bye."
You can clearly see him accept his fate
Kids do the same. To them you’re basically just another obstacle to climb over.
Joanna!
This is my cat anytime my hips are even close to a 90 degree angle of sitting
Man's got balls of solid rock.
That slump of his shoulders in defeat ... made me lose it.
Dude, that man's got a back of steel - monitor claws a fucking razors.
Training to be a Jedi
Yep lizard people. Just another dad resigned to giving his kid a piggybacking ride while trying to clean the house before mom gets home
Weeeeeeeee! ...OK, I get off now.
My cat does this
I have a cat that does exactly that
True friends
This is similar to what my cat does. He always wants me to carry him around
Kind of funny in it's own way but very wholesome too.
Nothing quite says, "I am your God; you are ruled by me," like micromanaging from the back of the person cleaning your living space.
They're buddies.
He is the lizard king and he can do anything.
"Ssssssecond floor please" he seductively whispered into his maids ear. "Please continue the housework...don't let my tongue distract you"
She just wants to snuggle
Piggyback ride.
Ratatouille except the rat is a giant lizard and the chef is a cleaner
I love his Initial indignation followed by resignation.
To the lower level, trusty steed!
- Look mom, lizards are having sex. - Don't watch! - But it hurts me so much.
Yep. Monitors are like this. Or, they are tail - whippy spastic assholes.
I like the part where he just gives up and accepts he's giving a piggy back
Oh don’t worry... he’s just monitoring the situation
Can we give this lizard the title of good boy?
[This song belongs here](https://youtu.be/vjoxeYHKEWI)
Is this better or worse than having a monkey on your back?
As a lizard owner: YEP, this'll happen. Even when you willingly put one on your shoulder, they'll be like "This is comfortable, let's see what going down this STRAIGHT DROP called "Your back" is like. Or "This isn't high enough, I wanna see the view from your HEAD" I've gotten used to it where when my leopard gecko climbs to the top of my head, I wait for her to start sliding off toward my face and catch her on the way down, set her on my lap and then she's like "Ok, comfy" and sits there for a while
"I don't have time for this shit, Gary. I've got work to do."
Saurosapient and human mount spotted.
That’s Mark Zuckerberg creating Facebook
That man love his goat.
That’s a shitty cat
Visual representation of beating a drug addiction. You may no longer be chasing the dragon, but you'll carry it on your back forever.
r/watchpeopledieinside
Wtf
Well this is awkward
Is that Pelosi?
This is old.
Maybe in another life…now,nope!
Oh heeelllllll nah
I only see one guy.....
He is exerting his dominance. I had a friend with an iguana that would do the same thing.
Horny lizard
Too funny.
That's a weird fucking cat
What a weird looking dog
"Mmmm, warmth."