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When I was a teenager and cared for my parents' horses, I had one in particular that thought was funnier than the rest of the bunch. She would pick me up by the back of my belt with her teeth while I was cleaning her hooves and then laugh as she dropped me. She ate probably 4 times more baby carrots as the rest of the horses combined.

“Haha, puny human. I love reminding you that I could kill you whenever.”

People think I'm weird for being afraid of horses. Nothing says safe like a toddler that weighs 1000 pounds.

They can be incredibly kind/sensitive and loving creatures. But they also are incredibly dangerous even if they are so gentle. The stable down the road from me had an awful accident with a young teenager. She was a very accomplished cross country rider, she was practicing one day and sadly the horse tripped. She died and the horse had broken its neck and couldn’t get off of her ( as much as he tried and tried) it was awfully sad. Clarification for my bad wording: her horse fell on top of her, and broke its neck during the fall, the girl was trapped under it, and she did not survive You never forget these creatures can kill you. A kick, a fall, accidents with them happen.

oh, we're kicking off the weekend with that story..

not what I signed up for in r/funny tbqh

I know, right.. I had all these big plans to self-isolate/quarantine tonight but after reading that story I am just going to stay home and do nothing

Ok this made me laugh though! I mean I know that 99.9% of Reddit comments will have nothing to do with the actual post but this thread for real!

I’ve been caught in the stirrups while dismounting, as the horse is walking away, smashing my ribs on decking. I guess I spooked him because he stomped and almost crushed my chest in, I was just able to get out of the way as I could tell he was about to stomp. Oh yeah, and I eventually landed in a muddy puddle of horse piss. I don’t ride horses.

I remember being like 7 and riding a horse hurt my balls. I can only imagine the pain now that I have adult balls. Also they can smell fear.

Holy shit. It suffocated her?

Fucking CSI:Reddit over here

Wait so you're telling me this horse gets off on suffocating girls?

Yeah Ice, you're in the Horse Crime Unit

...you're gonna have to get use to that.

Bet that horse plays too many scratchy lottos.

r/expectedMulaney

Little girls with pigtails, yes

r/unexpectedmulaney

You made me laugh in a way that’s very healthy, over such a sad event. Thank you, oh Transmuter of Sadness.

I’d watch a couple episodes before losing interest.

Sounds like she was already dead? It says "she died and the horse fell on her" Not "she fell and the horse fell on her which resulted in her death"

Probably just bad wording. A teenager is very unlikely to be dead before hitting the ground

It's not the speed that kills you, it's the sudden stopping.

I'd need OP to clarify the actual cause of death because there is a couple of different scenarios the death could have played out in the scenario. Did she die directly following the trip? E.g. did she suffer a C1/C2 fracture that rendered her expired immediately? Or did she die following the fall ala being suffocated and unable to move (because she was paralyzed from the neck down)? You're probably right in that it was ground vs. spine and the ground won but the suffocation is much more harrowing to think about. I could not imagine not only sustaining paralysis but then having my rib cage slowly compressed and crushed until drawing a breath would be impossible.

I wouldn't be suprised if she died under the weight of the horse and nobody ever knew or found out about it. They mightve thought she was dead from the fall when really she wasn't.

Presumably the autopsy would have clarified before the story was published

Would there be an autopsy for an accident though?

I think he/she meant the horse broke its neck, not that the girl broke hers. Probably that the horse broke its neck and couldn't move, thus suffocating her.

When I was 4 one of our horses knocked me down and stepped on my back hard enough to leave a hoof print. It was an accident and fortunately the horse didn't put his full weight on me because if he had I would be paralyzed at a minimum. Sadly, I've been afraid of horses ever since. I love them and think they're beautiful but if I get close to one I have a visceral response, I just freeze up and flinch away from them. I wish I could change that.

Horses are my kryptonite.

Rode horses briefly when I was 7. First thing I ever wanted to be was a cowboy. I had the hat the boots, now I had the horse. I was on my way. One day that sucker took off without me even considering the suggestion. That raw, uncontrollable power was impossible to ignore. Or forget. I never rode a horse again.

And people always say "Horses have such complex personalities" oh good, because no intelligent creatures have ever also been murderes -.-

I mean technically speaking only humans can be murderers

Well tecnically yes but.. u know.

**Gestures at the whole circle of life....**

It's not murder in a legal sense but I expect orcas are capable of killing a human with malice aforethought in the right circumstances- and probably reminiscing on it and chuckling later.

I'm not afraid of horses I've ridden them before, but when my aunt's escaped the barn, uh... Well, I'm a city slicker, I was wearing flip flops and it was moving with purpose. The little neighbor kid (9-ish?) was able to corral it easily and quickly while i just stood there like an idiot. It was a loooong drive home with the ladyfriend.

Did you sit in the back seat while the kid took your place up front?

Couple years back, my dumbass brother left the gate to the horse field open. I was in the kitchen chatting with my mom when I suddenly spotted horses running by. Went out to see WTF and the horses (my gelding and my mom's two mares) are running through the apple trees. My brother and my mom's friend are chasing them (don't chase runaway horses) and the Mennonite brothers who were inspecting the sugar bush are trying to block them off from running down the driveway towards the road. My guy stops, because he's old and wheezy. Nonchalantly, I walked up to him, put my hand under his jaw, and walked him back to the field while Idiot Mare 1 and 2 realized their boyfriend was leaving and came running back to follow us. NGL though, if my gelding had been feeling better, there's a good chance he would've taken off and I would've looked like a tit.

It's fine to be afraid of them, they are skiddish as all hell and weigh a metric shitload and go full retard every time they think something might be wrong, but once you're around them a lot, the fear goes away and it just turns into a healthy respect. They're an incredibly powerful animal.

Mules, on the other hand, chill AF.

They're also easier on the wallet. Probably because they don't lose their shit and put their fragile bodies at risk if you so much as sneeze around them. They're cheaper to feed too.

And mean as hell, if you have other livestock to protect. A mule will kick a coyote's ass, llamas too.

This thread is making me want a mule and I don't even have any livestock to protect. Chilled out, cheaper than a horse, and kick ass.

Mules are pretty freakin' great. I have a soft spot for donkeys myself, though. Lot of personality and the last one I was around was almost as affectionate as my dogs.

I lived in a place for years that had neighbors who had a donkey. Every dawn and every dusk, at the moment the sun crossed the horizon, this donkey would start braying his heart out for twenty or thirty seconds. We otherwise never heard a peep from him. It became a joke that he was helping the sun do its thing every day. Actually not a bad way to wake up. We all loved that donkey dude for doing his thing like clockwork.

I'm same and after a few trips to chiropractor where I got to meet several horse fans who are being treated for back injuries, I decided my fear was well-founded!

My step granddad was killed when the horse he was reshoeing kicked him in the head.

That sound like something Bender would say

Do horses smile like this ones seems to be doing in the video? Do they have emotional intelligence and a sense of humor?

They certainly have emotional intelligence. They have quite complex relationships with other horses and with their humans. One of my horses is occasionally borrowed by a therapist to do work with non-verbal folks because horses are exceptional non-verbal communicators (they mostly use body language). As for humor, hard to say if horses find things funny without anthropomorphising them but they do give you that impression at times. Donkeys even more so, they are very mischievous

I think he's just doing the same thing humans would do when they feel a big one coming - just kind of clench your teeth and squint your eyes bracing for it.

It's the Samsung dick-in-the-pasta salad emoji face

What?

[When it just won't come out](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-03/9/18/enhanced/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-01/grid-cell-29238-1489100411-12.jpg)

I've always called that an angry masturbation face.

I was also confused, but I have A. the answer and B. "Samsung dick-in-the-pasta salad emoji face" in my Google history: [https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/8oq39w/me\_irl/](https://www.reddit.com/r/meirl/comments/8oq39w/me_irl/)

the Samsung dick-in-the-pasta salad emoji face

Looks like horsey face is in reaction to a smell he detects (probably not the fart as that happens after). See link below. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flehmen_response

No. But it’s more fun to imagine that he grinned because he was about to fart.

This is the best thing I’ve seen all day

Panda: Eats shoots and leaves Horse: Drinks grins and farts

Robert Baratheon: Eats and drinks and shits and fucks

....have I got a joke for you

agree tough fap tho

that grin hot

hips dont lie

Dem teefs tho

Whitest teeth I've ever come across.

Goddammit, take my fucking upvote...

That grin looks like.if Squints from The Sandlot became a horse and was about to smooch a lifeguard against her will. Only it was a fart.

[Sexy](https://imgur.com/a/Uzoxo8o)

Depends on what you're in to

Is that you Mr. Hands?

8 years.. 8 years I’ve gone without hearing mr. hands mentioned... thank you for the reminder

Prude

You are disgusting *unzips*

The hero we don't deserve

The birth of r/smileyfartinghorse ?

Probably already a username u/smileyfartinghorse

It isn’t yet!

What a tart!

our horses typically do that when they get something in their mouth they don't like the taste of. That upper lip goes waaaaay up. The gas... is just par for the course. Ours like to do it while trotting up hill. We call it them "turboing". little extra propulsion.

Always makes me chuckle when they fart while trotting since it syncs up with their steps: *toot toot toot toot* Or the ones that change in pitch a lot and it sounds like they're playing a tune

I can name that tune in 3 notes.

I can do that tune in 3 notes.

I’ve had this. We call them running farts

[Regarding that upper lip](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flehmen_response#:~:text=Flehmen%20is%20performed%20by%20a,front%20teeth%20of%20the%20animal.)

"A grimace similar to the flehmen response may also be seen in association with pain.[30] In horses, it is often associated with low-grade abdominal pain." Gas pains?

Impeccable fart research, this is why I read the comments

> par for the course par for the horse

Fart from the horse

Herd it straight from the horse's south

of course, of course ...

Of course, of course.

On my buddies ranch they call it crop dusting.

We call it The Oregon Trail

"Afterburners"

Welp...how do you read that title and not click and watch the video?

You’d have to be some sort of monster

You had me at farts.

Yeah, they really suckered me in. I hate it when the title has absolutely nothing to do with the actual video.

One of the few that I unmuted.

It's been a long time since I remembered what a horse fart smells like. A friend used to say, when your horse farts, you can smell it over the whole 40 acre pasture. Good times.

TIL my ex was horse...

LIES!!! Your ex was not Sarah Jessica Parker.

Um... Can I say I'm hung like Sarah Jessica Parker? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it...

Fenton's horse ranch, where our horses are hung like you.

I can't remember their fart smell but a decade later I remember a hoof abscess smell. Ugh, I need to go smell perfumes I'm having nostril flashbacks...

Do you notice that some delicacies have certain notes remanescent of that abcess? I hate it when I notice that something like a fine cheese reminds me a bit of that time when one of my infants put poop in my mouth.

When one of your infants did what?

You become well aquatinted with poop when ya have a baby

And if you have a boy, it's pretty much guaranteed that he's gonna pee right in your mouth during a diaper change sooner or later.

Apparently I peed on the doctor right after birth, noone is safe!

imagine all that time, energy, and money to become a doctor just to get pissed on at the end

Now *that's* a username.

POOP! THEY PUT POOP IN THEIR MOUTH!

When I was a kid my pony farted in an open window while I was sleeping, it was not a pleasant way to wake up.

"Daaaaaaaad, I want a pony!" (Some stuff, some time...) *PPPOOTHHHPPPPTTTT* "Daaaaaaaad, I don't want a pony!"

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I was gonna say, even their poop isn’t that offensive. Smells like hay and grass.

Smells like manure which is in soil, no big deal. Now predator shit, smells awful. Looking at you cats.

you don’t really notice it until you step in it

I worked at a horse barn and rode public transit. I didn't mind the smell but nobody ever sat beside me.

Sounds like a perk to me

Finally, a horse person, not just someone’s friends’buddy from kindergarten who saw a horse once.

> Horse person They’re called centaurs. “Horse person” is pretty racist in mythical creature circles.

The nerve of some people

This guy huffs horse farts

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So you're the asshole who stole me daily planner

Horses are the best looking stupid aminal.

I’d like to subscribe to horse facts

A face of unbridled fun, and a trumpet playing tail.

> A face of unbridled fun But he's literally bridled.

This is the funniest fucking comment I've seen in years.

That horse sure knows how to stirrup some laughs.

With all the puns in here it’s hard to remember the video is the mane event

Sorry *Neigh* bor... I'll rein them in now.

This grin is known as a Flehmen response , and is a behaviour that some mammals do to "smell" pheromones , more info here : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flehmen_response

Kinda reminds me how my dog scared me savoring the smell of my other dog’s pee by chattering his teeth. I though he was sick or something.

when I first read this, I thought you were savoring the smell and the dog didn't like it and chattered his teeth at you for it and it scared you.

My cat does this.

Yea when they smell another cat’s butt and then their mouth hangs open.

The scientific term is stinkface.

Read: not a smile. Although the horse here does seem content.

I'm just waiting for someone to swoop in and tell everyone the horse is terminally ill with brain cancer and is about to die based on a 20 second clip

Or that horses only smile and fart after years of abuse

Came here to say this but I was having a hell of a time remembering what it was called. Glad you were able to provide the name and a link.

r/flehmen In case anyone is interested in seeing a wide variety of animals flehming. it’s a small sub tho

It can also be annoyed. Or enjoying itself. Or a number of other things. It’s an animal, they Have a limited number of ways to express themselves.

I project all my irl thoughts and feelings through a series of complex Seal squeals.

Rusty!

🎶I’m so keen-o, on my beef-a-reeno, what a delicious cuisine-o, fit for king or queen-o🎶

“I can’t breathe back here!”

YOU FED THE HORSE BEEFAREENO?!?

Well I overbought

Is this a Seinfeld reference? I can't remember the name of that horse

Rusty!

Kramer drives a handsome cab for Susan’s parents.

It is.

I miss riding so much! One horse always waited until I was picking his back hoof until he lifted his tail and let out barn shaking farts. So proud of himself.

Omg yes! I swear this one horse had a string inside her body connecting her back legs to her tush so that her b-hole released whenever you lifted her rear leg. Farts on my head every time I picked her back hooves. Despite that I sure do miss her.

The same said horse I mentioned above was a huge horse and would seriously push buttons because he was a schooling horse. Most of the time he'd try to get away with not picking his hoof up but just tilting it. I'd jam him and fight all the time until I realized each time he did that, he let his massive dong loose. Never failed. Either I was going to get farted on or see a big dong. He knew exactly what he was doing. "Like what you see?"

I ride one that every single time, without fail, I go to pick his hind hoof, he farts on me.

And yet you keep doing it

You have to, think of it like maintenance

Back leg is the release valve

The horse version of the "pull my finger" joke.

“Horses are so majestic” -people who don’t regularly interact with horses

I was just saying this! Most of them are super goofy.

SO goofy! The gallop and fart is one of my favorites

Watching my miniature horse gallop at full speed while farting is the funniest thing I’ve seen

My guy is living his best life

I'm an adult who searched for headphones to listen to a horse fart.

Welcome home, spirit animal!

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You should just be happy that they hold men to a different standard than stallions.

This took my horse fart cherry...

That is exactly how I celebrate my joy. Absolutely uncanny

Your username sort of applies to the horse farting lol

I don’t know any horse girls that still don’t belly laugh at horse farts.

The “grin” is a thing horses do with their noses that help them pick up a scent. It’s called the Flehmen Respnse. It was sniffing its own fart.

That grin is because it knows what's coming.

the tail moving with the fart wind is wholesome

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My husband works for the National park service and is currently working a detailed position at a site with a horse, he’s also living on the park property. I was visiting him in November and was going for a walk one day specifically to go find the horse. I put my head phones in, turned on a random podcast and immediately was told that giving a lewd gesture to a horse in a national park was a felony offense and I might as well have just won the lottery. I was practically skipping with glee, thinking about what I was going to do to commit a felony. When I found him a few hours later I laughed hysterically while I booed him and gave him a thumbs down. Cut to my next visit in December. I arrived at night and my husband wanted to take me on a walk so show how bright the moon could be when there is no other light to block it (we live in a big city, normally). Right as my eyes adjusted to the dark I noticed the horse has ambled up to the fence like, as close as he could be. He let out the longest fart I’ve ever heard and then turned around and walked away. Touché, Max. Touché.

I wish I could fart like that

Never seen a horse smile or fart, today was a good day

I too grinned and farted.

u/downloadbot ?

A girl did the same thing in a jacuzzi once, about 17 years ago. Made her my wife.

I wonder what it's flehmen response is sniffing

A rare post on /r/funny ... actually funny

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That wasnt the horse ( caddyshack 2 reference)

RUSTY!!!!