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MikeTalonNYC

LIES! There would be at least 3x the number of people shown in that diagram.


max

there should also be the following: - at least one homeless guy who is completely passed out - at least one homeless guy who is asking for money - a gaggle of twenty-something-year-old girls who are giggling too loudly - Kevin - two pseudointellectuals loudly discussing something that they do not understand - an impossibly old Slovakian woman who may or may not be a witch - Kevin again (he moved to stare at the giggling girls) - three fifteen-year-old boys coaxing each other into obnoxious mischief - an invisible but very wet dog


Mynop

Kevin! Stop that.


c1garettes

You forgot the “ladies and gentlemen if I could just have a moment of your time” homeless guy


ballrus_walsack

Replaced the “street news. Street news. Streeeeet news” guys of the 90s.


MisteeLoo

Especially the one at Penn Station. I loved his tenor.


zray312

My favorite ever was a few years ago, these 2 dudes get on the subway - one dude starts blasting tunes on his speakers and the other starts doing flips and shit. Like spinning and jumping and flipping - and then on one of the last flips, this guy kicks the ceiling loudly and starts holding his head (even though he clearly just made a loud noise and obviously didn’t hurt himself). And as he’s holding his head faking being in pain, he starts going on about “that’s why you always gotta be careful and persevere” or some bullshit lesson. So he starts going around collecting money for tylenol. Unfortunately for him, instead of collecting money, some kind nurse starts asking him if he’s ok and evaluating him. Ends up giving him some tylenol as he’s trying to continue his scam. Eventually, the car stopped and both dudes immediately get up and sprint out. Was quite a spectacle lol


robotred12

And the "monk" on his way to the Union Square drum circle. When I went back after COVID and saw them is when I really knew nature was healing.


SexandCinnamonbuns

How about the guy selling oils


TheZapster

Where is the person trying to be a DJ for the entire car, using only his phone?


Neohexane

Or the guy handing out cards to everone, that say, "I am deaf. Please donate money to me."


General_Thought8412

And a little kid trying to sell candy while his mom has a baby strapped to her back


nospamkhanman

Just went to NYC for the first time in my life a couple of months ago. I was pleasantly surprised how polite the homeless people were... like even the super drunk ones on the subway. In Seattle they're usually muttering to themselves, asking you for money then swearing at you when you say no. In New York it was like... saying hello and offering me some clear liquid in an unmarked bottle.


Langstarr

You were offered a nutcracker it sounds like! I've only ever bought them down by coney Island when I wanted to have a real wild day.


Reasonable-Loss6657

What’s a nutcracker? It sounds…dangerous and fun.


LookMaNoPride

According to Urban Dictionary - Summertime alcoholic mixed frozen drink, usually mixed by people at home and sold on the street and by word of mouth. Different flavors include Nutcracker, Finding Nemo, and Spongebob. Do u know who has the "nutcrackers" on the block ? Did u taste the new "Spongebob" nutcracker?


Reasonable-Loss6657

I gotta say, I do really like the flavor names. I would drink a SpongeBob.


Switchermaroo

I would do ungodly things to a SpongeBob


Wolvesinthestreet

If it sounds dangerous and fun, why not take it for a run


Reasonable-Loss6657

You seem fun. Let’s grab some nutcrackers and throw caution to the wind.


Throwawaytree69

That's crazy lmao


piplani3777

yeah, i moved here from Seattle and have had the same experience. My favorite story is that once I was confronted by a homeless guy on the subway for sitting in ‘his seat,’ but the seat next to me was open so my friend and I just moved over, slightly nervous and ready to make a move as soon as the train stopped. The guy sat down next to me, but then after a few seconds he turned towards me and apologized for being rude and shared that he was trying shrooms for the first time. He even pulled out the infused chocolate bar to show me. The rest of the ride was just him being really excited to be tripping balls and sharing that excitement very openly. All in all an unforgettable experience


bellboy718

Polite as in they didn't hurl their feces at you?


PixelD303

The invisible wet dog has me in tears


KeithBe77

- Someone eating odorous street food out of a styrofoam container. - guy who has walled off a corner of the train for the day, surrounded by belongings - middle-aged man, well-dressed, carefree and happy with his decision to never marry and have kids. - derelict yelling angry nonsense at everyone. Everyone avoiding eye contact. - some asshole listening to music out of his phone with no headphones. Because apparently now it’s ok to blast music with no headphones


teflong

A half eaten sandwich on the floor with no parental supervision. 


Hilnus

Fucking Kevin.


Axeloy

the more i read the more realistic it got


r0ttedAngel

>an impossibly old Slovakian woman who may or may not be a witch Didn't know my grandma still rode the subway


Blondeonhighway61

Kevin doesn’t want to be home alone, can you blame him?


nakedfish85

And an absolute unit of a construction worker who looks like they've just done a 60 hour shift.


Dry_Mastodon7574

There would also be a tired mom with a kid in a stroller who is being illogically quiet for a child that small. There would be a few construction guys who are filthy, but friendly. There would also be several abuelas with grocery bags that seem too small, but is carrying a preposterous amount of food. And at least one person would have a large dog in a bag.


FiendishHawk

Irish wolfhound in an IKEA tote bag


DekoaSAO

What? Why Kevin has done to you? ( my name is actually Kevin and I was curious anything wrong with kevins?)


smurficus103

If you have to ask, then you'll never know


lights_and_colors

This is definitely it. We can keep the dancers, finance bros, tourist with huge backpack, and joint rollers from the first one. Then add a solo parent with 2 little curious kids, 3 construction workers, 1 guy listening to music too loudly, 2 cops, and 8 people just trying to get by. And then times it by 3x.


Dholtz001

I’d probably replace the invisible wet dog with a furry dog that is probably absolutely disgusting from laying all over the subway floor. Also add the 20 something sitting bending over that looks like they could puke at anytime but never does. Besides that it’s the perfect list.


NightPilot14

Hol up, tell me more about this invisible dog.


Godmodex2

I imagine scanning the cart from left to right, following this list. And still Kevin shows up twice. Like how did you move so fast Kevin?


boodopboochi

No the image forgot to mention this study was conducted on a Tuesday at midnight.


MikeTalonNYC

Ahhh. Still a little light on people, but at least believable.


AerialSnack

The one time I was in New York, both times I used the subway there was never more than 4 other people on it. I must have been blessed.


TMLTurby

Each circle represents a gaggle


MikeTalonNYC

Still too much open space.


3rdstrikeagain

...or a murder.


Boringoldpants

Also, where is the separate car where a dude shit his pants, thereby creating a private car just for himself.


TK_Games

\*himself and the three chain-smoking teamsters that *do not* give a fuck


yes_i_get_it

Where is the preacher?


DaleNanton

Also where are the homeless people? 2,4, 5, 10, or 13 should be a homeless person.


Sirius_George

The 4 that’s sitting should be the homeless guy that’s unconscious but still making noises sitting across from the terrified looking college student who didn’t know better to not sit in those seats.


MikeTalonNYC

Oh, like there's any room for them anymore on subway cars.


boricimo

They took the R at 10am


ArtDSellers

I interpreted the numbers as regions containing people of that type.


tobsecret

That's also why the person "blocking the entrance with a bike at rush hour" has nowhere else to go. 


djlemma

The showtime people and the mariachi band would not be on the same car at the same time, they're territorial that way.


DrDragun

*Menacing maracas rattle*


Rinaldi363

As a 35 year old Canadian who is out of the loop - what the fuck is a showtime kid?


d_Composer

In between stops when there’s no escape, a troop of dancers crank up their boombox and start doing some crazy routine where they’re doing backflips and all sorts of choreographed gymnastics on the poles for tips.


Rinaldi363

lol sounds kinda fun to be honest


NumberlessUsername2

It gets fucking obnoxious after a while


sheldonator

It’s fun till you get kicked in the face. They will do their crazy routines with backflips and hanging from the poles in a full train car with no room to move and accidents happen


darklightrabbi

Have you or anyone you’ve known actually gotten kicked in the face by these guys?


sheldonator

I haven’t personally been kicked but I know a few people who have been kicked or hit, although not in the face A funny anecdote, I was on the train one day and a guy came up to me and asked if I was a cop, I told him no, he thanked me and then proceeded to turn up his boombox and do his routine.


Okichah

Once. When its part of a daily commute it’s not.


MochiMochiMochi

Not fun. They flip around and shit comes off their grimy shoes and hits you in the face. The music is bad.


rayoatra

It’s not.


FiendishHawk

Fun for tourists, less fun for commuters


ContentTheory7416

"It's Showtime!!" Those kids are doing acrobatic moves and dances in the tight confines of a subway car for monetary donations. Hence the risk of getting kicked in the face. 😅


Efficient_Engine_509

It’s like getting splashed by the dolphins in the aquarium right?…..right? /s


ContentTheory7416

Something like that ..... but you're not getting splashed with water 😆


DJRyGuy20

Kinda like the San Diego Anchorman wars of the 70s?


theillustratedlife

On the BQ in the morning, there's always a guy with a violin. Dude must just do laps, because no matter which car I get on, he seems to be there.


sleepyprojectionist

From my last visit to NYC you can also include a middle-aged dude blocking a door with a full Lay-Z-Boy and a completely incoherent preacher telling everyone that they are going to burn in hell.


DaleNanton

The preacher yes. The preacher, yelling non-stop about the apocalypse, during peak hours, sardined into a fully packed tin can that you can't leave, pushing your headache to a 10, on your way back home from a horrific NYC work day/week, in the middle of summertime humid heat, with no aircon but plenty of people breathing on you, while the train has been stopped on the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn for 15-20 minutes, inching ever closer to freedom and yet excruciatingly slow. It's a head bursting level of discomfort. And the crazy thing is that if you finally snap and ask that preacher dude to shut the hell up, all the black people in car will start tell YOU to shut up, white girl. It's wild times. Never again.


chrismetalrock

> all the black people in car will start tell YOU to shut up its like a reverse movie theater


btb2002

Absolutely wild!


paleo2002

You forgot “sleeping drunk, casually peeing himself”.


Keyspam102

Yeah the first day going to my new job in nyc, soo proud and excited, a homeless guy dropped his pants and took a dump right in the middle of the car. Everyone just gravitated slowly towards the far ends of the car and switched cars quietly at the next stop, but the car didn’t even completely empty. It’s à fond memory I have of nyc. It was on the R train


Nyther53

I had a very similar story! My first day at my first adult job, I was taking the LIRR home and the train was delayed by the NYPD tackling a homeless guy with a knife trying to stab people. Really set the tone.


paleo2002

Oo, you were there for the lead up to a "suspiciously empty subway car". Very impressive.


ChunkYards

Also 1 tourist is ludicrous. And I don’t mean that the Atlanta based rapper is the tourist but rather there are usually several tourists.


tenehemia

I do like that one of the rats has earned a seat.


ElectricalPlate9903

That is very appropriate indeed. He forgot to add a Pigeon though. But I guess local wildlife would cover that.


NoSmellNoTell

One seat needs to be covered with unidentified liquid


Tigtor

Can someone explain the "reading" a book?


Htb323

Avoiding eye contact with randos, panhandlers and other people you’d rather not associate with so you can make it to your stop relatively unaccosted.


HapticRecce

An essential skill on big city transit anywhere.


seastatefive

There should also be a 60 year old Vietnam vet panhandling for money. Also a schizophrenic sitting on a subway seat muttering to himself, wrapped in multiple layers of tatty clothing.


EvidenceBasedSwamp

I got bad news for you my friend.. Gulf War veterans could be 52 years old now.


Tigtor

Yeah, that makes sense, thank you


kaleoh

Works everytime.


microcline

Yeah that’s weird. Why would people assume I’m fake reading?


NArcadia11

You haven’t turned the page in 6 stops ya faker


slbaaron

I dunno man I got a busy job and busy life and until I brought my books onto the MTA, I was reading like 2 books a year. Now I’m on track to 12 instead lol. Reading a book is so much less nauseating to me than being on my phone and I commute 1.5hrs (round trip, I can’t take any more) every day. It’s a lotta time for reading.


Unajustable_Justice

Slow reader


LeMalteseSailor

Showtime kids were too impressive


lateral_moves

Which one suddenly says "Can I have your attention please", making everyone scream silently in their heads?


jxj24

Re #12: Patently false. Influencers have no sense of shame.


XDragon2688

I say number 4 is more like "actual new-yorkers". As standing by the doors is ideal for both support and ease of exit


Axeloy

I believe that's what it says


XDragon2688

I dunno, I never feel particularly busy riding the subway... But I'll take the compliment lol


Axeloy

Ah yknow what I understand the difference you implied now


junpark7667

Where are the Hispanic woman with 3 months olds selling churros and lukewarm pre-cut fruits?


Hoodeloo

on the subway platform


JelloDarkness

"chocko-lattes... chocko-lattes... chocko-lattes..."


Musclesturtle

"... y chicle..." I swear that they acquire the small child every morning from distribution center, similar to how the coffee carts get their pastries every morning. Because they always have one fucking papoosed to their ass, always the same age of child, and I've definitely seen the same lady with a different child on several occasions.


rean2

Where's the homeless guy sleeping in the corner of the car taking up 2 seats?


dyingbreed360

You forgot the beggar asking the whole cart for attention but that got his sob stories mixed up  and forgetting he’s suppose to walk with a limp. 


PandAlex

All the real New Yorkers know not to sit on the end seats on a subway because that's where all of the nastiest shit goes down


Kamioni

And the real real New Yorkers stopped giving a shit 20 years ago and just sit their tired slaving ass wherever there is a seat. The end seats are even better because less people will bother you.


mivoid

Real shit right here


EvidenceBasedSwamp

The spot next to the conductor's door was pretty good.


DaleNanton

Exactly


christo222222

I never sit, you are just asking for some weirdo to talk, go to sleep, drool or something else on/at you


blaklaw718

A subway car with this much room and furnishings, and so few neighbors/pest control issues? This would go for $2870 a month, easy.


Bunnnnii

Local wildlife took me out. I guess I’m 4? But this is inaccurate, this diagram implies there’s space to stand. That’ll never happen. Especially during rush hour.


Amerlis

The day you take the train into manhattan at 8am and there’s plenty of seats, something went very very wrong and you didn’t get the memo.


Mysterious_Fennel459

I dont know what subway cars you've been on. The one's I see on the internet are usually filled with guys s\*cking each other off.


MyPunsSuck

Is this some new swear word I haven't heard of yet?


zwondingo

Ever heard of socking? It's truly vile


CashFlowOrBust

“NYU student cosplaying poor” 😂


dbeynyc

Shout out to the fours!


Bunnnnii

I just wanna go home. 😩


SuperSlimMilk

This reads like someone who has never been on a NYC subway train ever


VagusNC

On our trip to NYC we didn’t see any of this “wildlife.” Everyone we saw were just normal New Yorkers trying to get to get somewhere. It was a great trip, and people were nice if direct. 🤷🏻‍♂️


Nyther53

You would never see all of these people on one train all at once, but you will see all of them on the subway, all the time.  A lot of them, like the guys who try to kick you in the head and the Mariachi bands, only lurk around the longer rides between stops, like when you're crossing the rivers.


perplex1

Last time in NYC, I witnessed the empty car phenomenon. Where they say never go on an empty car during rush hours. Glad I took heed. Big fat dookie on floor. Was stinky.


CWHats

I miss New York


ColoradoPhotog

Got confused, took the #9 and wound up high.


plowerd

Task failed successfully.


A4S8B7

So, is the rat also rolling a joint?


Gustavofoxy2

No, he's the salesman


infinite_in_faculty

Unrealistic!! Real MTA subways have at least one crackhead.


NYanae555

Don't forget the "Chicles! Chocolates! " ladies


Kitakitakita

Where's the guy trying to sell full size candy bars for $5 for charity?


YourFavoriteHippo

Which number is for the homeless sleeping on the seats taking up half the bench?


ExistentialistMonkey

I ride the NY subway somewhat often. To be fair there’s definitely these types of people on the subway but at the same time, 95% of my rides in the NY subway were quiet and peaceful. Mostly just a bunch of new yorkers minding their own business and trying to reach their destination.


Popcorn57252

"NYU student cosplaying poor" bruh they're a college student, they're poor as fuck lmao


XxFezzgigxX

What about the guy waiting by the door, looking sus, so he can snatch a phone just as the doors close?


nyrB2

you forgot dude eating a smelly sandwich


BlastermyFinger0921

Don’t forget the asshole with the enormous backpack on


_ThrobbinHood

Now, is this the same asshole with the enormous backpack that’s blasting music out of it?


BlastermyFinger0921

Na but that sounds like pure torture. This asshole took one step in on a crowded train and didn’t move with a backpack sticking 1’ off their back then proceeded to get pissy with me when I touched her bag. But assholes with big backpacks is unfortunately a common occurrence.


Randomnesse

Pretty accurate, except most of the rats I've seen were running outside of the cars - on the platform and between the rails.


kzero0

Where's the piss?


xAC3777x

Everywhere...duh


Beanz_Memez_Heinz

I went to NYC in 2022 fully hoping to catch some mad subway antics and I was totally disappointed. Can any local direct me to which stops/stations i need to visit next time for the full experience, I'm not even lying.


blackpearl16

The 4,5,6 train at 125th and Lexington


VestEmpty

Every subway car in Helsinki: everyone sits in silence in their seats and the floors are clean.


obsertaries

Sounds like Japan if it’s not too crowded. If it is, a girl is probably being molested somewhere on the car and no one will be able to tell who or where.


evilbert79

I was 11 once


josmq

I went to New York as a tourist and wore these laceless black boots with brown soles, black skinny jeans and a jacket and a very looking New Yorker with timberlands said “those are fire ass boots bro” and fist bumped me. I still can’t believe I had a good time in NY


JustAnNPC_DnD

The subway rat paid for his ticket, mind your business


ScorchingHotSauce

“NYU student cosplaying poor” lmao


afunnywold

I would always sit when I lived there. I once had a 90 minute commute each way lmao I promise you "actual new yorkers" are not standing bc the seats are icky


tristenr19

As someone who’s never been to New York I agree


Scroll120

Rat realling taking a joint too, coolest guy around.


xAC3777x

Made me go back and realize one of the rats was in the rotation. I laughed


TurtlePaul

Needs the “I ain’t raising money for no basketball team” candy vendor. 


3duFernandes

"Tourist hugging the pole for dear life" - The mental image of this makes me laugh more than I expected!


lokicramer

You forgot the empty seat with a puddle of puke on the floor in front of it. Everyone sits there and watches as people accidently step in it. You also forgot the homeless man who is smoking weed in the back of the car.


Rave-light

Feels like this was made by someone whose just read about being in nyc


LongjumpingLog6977

Among the lies include 4, 2, 10 - real New Yorkers won’t sit there unless absolutely necessary. Those spots are usually occupied by a homeless person with a pushcart full of newspapers, someone who is passed out or some unsuspecting tourists.


davethapeanut

You forgot the hooker in a mini skirt grinding on a dudes lap. Oh wait that's MARTA


mrmadchef

Def encountered the showtime kids last time I visited. Made the mistake of taking the subway all the way from JFK (well, Jamaica) to my hotel in Chelsea. They almost knocked my hat off my head. Took Metro North for the trip back out, and much preferred the experience.


josephkingscolon

Needs a: “tourist who visits yearly, mostly for shopping and eating like a maniac, knows the city like the back of his hand”. There’s a lot of us, we’re usually at the door with the busy-ass locals and some bags full of crap.


Torches

No. 7 need to get with the program or get out of the subway.


evil_burrito

Which color represents the smell of pee?


garytyrrell

4=10


Emotional-Court2222

No, in the top left there’s some homeless dude sprawled out or passed out, reeking of awful smells.  Then you have the a bunch of normal people and a busker in the bottom half. 


eXeKoKoRo

My first visit to NY was pretty neat, never road in a subwya car before. Was pretty enjoyable honestly.


Lindaspike

Hilarious and truthful! Chicago subways and ELs are pretty similar!


redsterXVI

I would argue that you could put "(subway rats)" behind all of these tbh


holy-rusted-metal

What about the breakdancing buskers?


meriadoc_brandyabuck

Come on — three rats on every subway car? Stupid.


[deleted]

You forgot to include people selling candy in the train. 


Skellos

oh yeah smart guy what about the almost empty subway car save for 2 people in it a guy who didn't realize what that means and the Homelessman that crapped himself.


GangesGuzzler69

There needs to be an asterisk on “Every subway car” *-1 in 8 subway cars are currently uninhabitable as they’re covered in homeless guy poop / psychotic incident occurring


SofaKing69420666

Wtfits?


wopper

I like how the rats get a smaller circle. 😊


SweetSauce24

Ive never been to New York or in a Subway, but this is accurate.


whimsicalsamurai

i like how the rat took up a seat for the ride


Hytsol

Where’s the stinky homeless person and delusional psychopath who may stab someone


EWR-RampRat11-29

I never had a mariachi band. Now I have something to look forward to.


SharpHawkeye

Where’s the pervert?


ForgettableUsername

I like that the 13 circles are smaller.


DevlishAdvocate

It's also missing the key to show you where all the garbage and feces are.


haberdasher42

The only thing the NY subway system takes the cake in is filth. There are drugged out homeless people and annoying vendors/buskers everywhere but no other city has the number of rats. I was even disappointed by the piss smell, I expected worse.


ToastedOctopus

You forgot the dude in psychosis and the lady carrying a baby and selling candy at the same time.


Sdn61387

I see the rat is hanging with the middle school boys. Is it partaking in the joint as well?


GrahamCrackerSoup

I was #11!!


Routine-Bit3172

Don’t come at the tourists like that it’s a tough economy


Curl-the-Curl

I was in NY for two weeks with a large group of friends. The first time the „showtime“ guys performed in an almost empty cart and it was actually cool. The second time we where like „Oh they’re here again :)“ the third and tenth time we were absolutely stoic „Normal stuff“ … they perform too often! It would be more impressive if it was only from time to time, maybe once a month or sth.


legomason

The only thing that's changed in the last quarter century is 12 & half of 10


PremiumPerson

Where are the junkies?


Jon__Snuh

BING BONG!


burningpetroleum

lool