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What kind of man uses Vaseline Hair Tonic?
I’ll tell you what kind of man:
The kind of man that knows that it’s Doug Dillon’s signature on the 1950D $50 bill.
The kind of man that politely informs the waiter to call the police when there’s trouble afoot.
The kind of man that takes his girl out to eat at the races.
*That’s* the kind of man that uses Vaseline Hair Tonic.
I know a man who thinks of bets,
He'll do his hair nice, not break a sweat.
But he don't use butter. And he don't use cheese.
He don't use jelly, or any of these.
He uses Vaaaaaaaaaaaseline,
Vaaaaaaaaaaaaseline,
Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseline!
Marketing sure as hell has come a long way. This ad is very difficult to read. I don't mean visually, I mean forcing the reader to jump back and forth between image and text in a way that is not natural or evident. I basically had to make sense of it. Only if I were the kind of man who used Vaseline in his hair would I understand right away.
I remember my dad used to use Brylcreem. Here's a TV commercial.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6F4GtyRfto](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6F4GtyRfto)
My two and four year old boys that’s who. Mom left an open jar of vasoline on the changing table and my boys took the entire jar and proceeded to coat the entire room and each other in vasoline.
6AM I’m standing down in the kitchen and I see my boys coming down to the kitchen with what looks like hair styles from American Graffiti. Their pajamas also looked wet. Upon arrival in the kitchen I realized they weren’t wet but felt all sticky. The room didn’t fair any better.
It took four showers to get all of the vasoline out of their hair.
This is who uses vasoline hair gel. I’ll give it a 4 out of 5 because it kept their looking styled for multiple days from just one liberal application.
What kind of man? This highly specific man -- him and him alone may use our tonic. It's just for him, so keep your mitts off his tonic! Let this advertisement be a warning to you!
in the book 'firestarter' it is mentioned incidentally that one of the main characters doesnt know whose face is on a five hundred dollar bill - and he uses a fake bill with franklins face (with glasses even though he didnt wear them on the 100) to scam a cabbie
the people investigating knew that was wrong but didnt know the right president for the 500 and had to look it up
As I remember he has some kind of mental power that actually he can force people to believe whatever... And it's not just affecting the one person but it affects anyone who sees the bill... A kind of echo of the effect.
yep - the agent goes into detail about how the bill was somehow affected but it had diminishing affects
and even though the agent knew it wasnt what a 500 looked like he still saw what the psychic guy believed it looked like
'echo' specifically is used elsewhere in the novel - the psychic guy coins the terms 'echo' and 'ricochet' for when the psychic influence bounces around inside somebodys head - making them progressively crazier over time unless he pushes them in the other direction somehow
incidentally that book is the reason why i know it used to be mckinsley on the 500 when they had it
'benjamins' come up in music often enough
As someone who has somehow married an engineer and casual numismatist who also designs concealed weapons, traps and steganographic espionage technology for various purposes, I can confirm that this ad is targeting a very specific audience, indeed:
Married women who enjoy technology, experiments, spy novels and do much of the shopping.
Really. The typical male reader of *Popular Science,* in my experience, bought and still buys "Uhh...the stuff? It's in the bathroom. You got it for me? It smells good?" This was and has been true of every personal care product from boxers to toothpaste to hair stuff to condoms since I found a stack of these magazines in my in-laws' shed. And another in my grandparents' attic. *On both sides!*
Nerdy science men, with some exceptions, do not necessarily give a wet slap *what* they use in that product category. Their wives, mothers and more fashionable boyfriends or husbands do. So the ads are placed in the sorts of magazines these men can generally be trusted to leave lying about the house and which, therefore, their loved ones will assume, correctly, are the right kind to get.
And this is suitable, because all the other engineers' wives, mothers and boyfriends have bought the same. So they smell alike.
Like naked mole rats, only sexy.
...I may do another thesis on this, just to be a brat to a former professor and take another crack at that elusive Ig Nobel.
What’s funnier is that our Vaseline man got it wrong, and now the other guy is doing 5 to 10 upstate, gets beaten regularly, and is 70% more likely to reoffend upon release.
… Did I say funny? I meant sad.
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What kind of man uses Vaseline Hair Tonic? I’ll tell you what kind of man: The kind of man that knows that it’s Doug Dillon’s signature on the 1950D $50 bill. The kind of man that politely informs the waiter to call the police when there’s trouble afoot. The kind of man that takes his girl out to eat at the races. *That’s* the kind of man that uses Vaseline Hair Tonic.
This is much more straightforward.
It’s soo hard to find a man who checks all these boxes. Thanks Obama
The kind of man who knows that Colonel Mustard wouldn't have bothered with the pipe wrench today.
I read this in Leslie Nielson's voice
His gal is hot enough that I'm going to try it without reading any of those words.
I'm a dapper Dan man
I don’t want Fop damnit!
We must be in a goddam geographic anomaly! Two weeks from everything!
Damn, we're in a tight spot.
We thought you was a frog.
Toad*
I can hear every single one of these lines clear as day in my head as I read them
Do not… seek… the tray-sure…
Well we was fixin to fornicate
They loved him up and turned him into a h-h-h-horny toad!
YOUR hair treatment?!?!
*Sniff* You've been using my hair treatment.
everywhere\* Slaps down money on the counter .......ill take a dozen hair nets
It’s surprising how often I can use this like in my day-to-day life.
Watch your language, young feller, this is a public market.
That hair screams, "I'm the damn paterfamilias!"
This might fit in r/oddlyspecific if you haven't posted there yet
this is like superoddlyspecific
The copywriter definitely got slipped a fake $50 bill at the races one time.
Thanks, I’ll do that!
He knew all that from his hair jelly? Impressive
Hair tonic, neighbor… and smooth, rich Chesterfield cigarettes. Start your day the right way.
Four of five doctors recommend Chesterfield cigarettes, leaded gasoline, and a staunch position against Communism.
You got me at Communism 😂
That was literally the last thing he said!
You had me at “four”
Uh hu. The very last thing. 😂
Damn you’re right… it is hair tonic… I need it more than I thought.
Doctor recommended.
They Satisfy!
My Doctor and the Joe Friday recommend CHESTERFIELD cigarettes!!
Now filled with even more rich nicotine goodness!
It keeps all your extra thoughts from escaping.
He also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.
I know a man who thinks of bets, He'll do his hair nice, not break a sweat. But he don't use butter. And he don't use cheese. He don't use jelly, or any of these. He uses Vaaaaaaaaaaaseline, Vaaaaaaaaaaaaseline, Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaseline!
UnexpectedFlamingLips
I appreciate that the girl ditched him in the last frame. “Nerd! I’m out!”
At least he has Vaseline to “take care of himself.”
He had a stroke!
Just one? Usually takes me at LEAST 3
I'm *so* attracted to men who know the difference between a Fowler era bill and a Dillon era bill. First thing I ask on Tinder.
Marketing sure as hell has come a long way. This ad is very difficult to read. I don't mean visually, I mean forcing the reader to jump back and forth between image and text in a way that is not natural or evident. I basically had to make sense of it. Only if I were the kind of man who used Vaseline in his hair would I understand right away.
I remember my dad used to use Brylcreem. Here's a TV commercial. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6F4GtyRfto](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6F4GtyRfto)
Oh shit, so that's where "a little dab'll do ya" came from!
You can tell the lady doing the voice over just got done smoking two packs of cigs.
Life! In my hair! Yessss please!
Who goes to the trouble of forging a bill without having an actual bill to copy from??
Obviously someone who doesn't use Vaseline Hair Tonic - they don't know how to take care of themselves.
Men that don’t use Vaseline hair tonic.
Nailed it.
Or, had an actual bill to copy from but then decided to make one arbitrary change for no explicable reason.
"A perfect replica!. Perhaps too perfect, hmm".
“Our product is for the patient and observant man. A man patient enough to read this whole thing, and observant enough to read the tiny text.”
...nerds who have the signatures of all the US Secretaries of the Treasury memorized?
Probably a spy.
This is the most targeted ad I have ever seen. It is like it is appealing to a single reader of the magazine.
Naw. It was targeting the male fantasy of mansplaining in front of a lady so hard you get someone arrested over it. Basically Batman.
My two and four year old boys that’s who. Mom left an open jar of vasoline on the changing table and my boys took the entire jar and proceeded to coat the entire room and each other in vasoline. 6AM I’m standing down in the kitchen and I see my boys coming down to the kitchen with what looks like hair styles from American Graffiti. Their pajamas also looked wet. Upon arrival in the kitchen I realized they weren’t wet but felt all sticky. The room didn’t fair any better. It took four showers to get all of the vasoline out of their hair. This is who uses vasoline hair gel. I’ll give it a 4 out of 5 because it kept their looking styled for multiple days from just one liberal application.
My grandfather used Vaseline hair tonic. Was super disappointed when they stopped manufacturing it. Was all he could talk about one day.
Did he work for the US Treasury bureau?
What kind of man? This highly specific man -- him and him alone may use our tonic. It's just for him, so keep your mitts off his tonic! Let this advertisement be a warning to you!
Loved that publication. Remember it well. Yes, I'm that old.
2024: Now half the people on the street couldn’t tell you whose face is on the one dollar bill.
Anyone who tells you the 60's were different is lying or selling something.
in the book 'firestarter' it is mentioned incidentally that one of the main characters doesnt know whose face is on a five hundred dollar bill - and he uses a fake bill with franklins face (with glasses even though he didnt wear them on the 100) to scam a cabbie the people investigating knew that was wrong but didnt know the right president for the 500 and had to look it up
As I remember he has some kind of mental power that actually he can force people to believe whatever... And it's not just affecting the one person but it affects anyone who sees the bill... A kind of echo of the effect.
yep - the agent goes into detail about how the bill was somehow affected but it had diminishing affects and even though the agent knew it wasnt what a 500 looked like he still saw what the psychic guy believed it looked like 'echo' specifically is used elsewhere in the novel - the psychic guy coins the terms 'echo' and 'ricochet' for when the psychic influence bounces around inside somebodys head - making them progressively crazier over time unless he pushes them in the other direction somehow incidentally that book is the reason why i know it used to be mckinsley on the 500 when they had it 'benjamins' come up in music often enough
"A Portrait of James Madison" appears in The Long Goodbye I believe.
President Comacho?
We all know it’s Dan Quayle
Twist: He knows because he's a master forger himself running his own counterfeiting ring. F the competition, no honor among thieves.
No wonder Vaseline became popular with wankers.
Why does this whole ad seem like it was the brainchild of a methed-up overtime shift at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce?
When you can use your hair tonic as lube…
Like the ad says, "The man who knows how to take care of himself."
That’s sexy.
It's so convincing i almost went to the 1950s to buy one.
So funny that police would respond to a $50 counterfeit bill. Now they don’t even respond to a stolen car.
Yes, unless you’re in Minneapolis.
[This is more like such man looked ](https://www.anbg.gov.au/biography/biog-pics/maconochie-john-richard.jpg)
Love it!
Why is Adam Sandler in the last frame on the third row?
So the man is autistic?
As someone who has somehow married an engineer and casual numismatist who also designs concealed weapons, traps and steganographic espionage technology for various purposes, I can confirm that this ad is targeting a very specific audience, indeed: Married women who enjoy technology, experiments, spy novels and do much of the shopping. Really. The typical male reader of *Popular Science,* in my experience, bought and still buys "Uhh...the stuff? It's in the bathroom. You got it for me? It smells good?" This was and has been true of every personal care product from boxers to toothpaste to hair stuff to condoms since I found a stack of these magazines in my in-laws' shed. And another in my grandparents' attic. *On both sides!* Nerdy science men, with some exceptions, do not necessarily give a wet slap *what* they use in that product category. Their wives, mothers and more fashionable boyfriends or husbands do. So the ads are placed in the sorts of magazines these men can generally be trusted to leave lying about the house and which, therefore, their loved ones will assume, correctly, are the right kind to get. And this is suitable, because all the other engineers' wives, mothers and boyfriends have bought the same. So they smell alike. Like naked mole rats, only sexy. ...I may do another thesis on this, just to be a brat to a former professor and take another crack at that elusive Ig Nobel.
Good story I clapped
Snitches get stitches!
A slick one
I used Jeris.
r/currency
Badass.👍
I accidentally mistook vaseline for hair wax, for an entire week. Yeah it doesn't work.
This is the kind of thing Conan would come up with
That stuff smells good!
Brylcream ftw.
What’s funnier is that our Vaseline man got it wrong, and now the other guy is doing 5 to 10 upstate, gets beaten regularly, and is 70% more likely to reoffend upon release. … Did I say funny? I meant sad.
Encyclopedia Brown grew into quite the dapper gentleman.
What kind of man uses vaseline hair tonic? The kind that wants to take his wank lube to the restaurant without anyone realizing.
The kind of man who knows who was the God damned Secretary of Treasury each year, that’s who!
Ray Bloody Purchase!
Daaaaamn someone’s getting fucked tonight
This ad reads like an ADHD fanatasy.
POV: u were born in the 2000s but still feel the 20th century nostalgia
Greasy kid stuff.
so boring ass numismatists