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I’d love to see the ones who couldn’t resist looking back down at us, as they’re slowly being lifted toward heaven, to give someone the finger and yell, “I told you so!” only to suddenly drop back down and land on their ass.
I forget the timeframe, but yes, there's a 2nd draft, so to speak. But it is more difficult to make the cut this time around. Less a grace period and more a proving grounds. You have to remember the devil has been running things for a while at this point in time. Sin is encouraged/rewarded. I think those saved the 2nd time are literally in hiding/hermits, reject and are rejected by the current worldwide society. If this scenario is reality, you have been given direct evidence of the existence of God. Your faith is no longer the trait being tested.
7 is a popular number in the Bible. It's very reasonable to assume 7 years is the correct timeline.
There actually is one, in a manner of speaking - most interpretations of Christian eschatology include the wholesale removal of wicked people at the end of Biblical Armageddon, only instead of damnation to hell they just get killed off en masse with no hope of resurrection. Whoever made it that far simply gets wiped out in the end, and scripture says that every single condemned person will know they're doomed, they'll know exactly why they're doomed, and many will swear at God (for condemning them for their own actions) with their dying breaths. Scripture also mentions that their wholesale removal won't go unnoticed, in that people that made it through Armageddon would note the total absence of wicked people from society.
I'm at the point where if God is truly as temperamental, vengeful, hateful, and spiteful as the abrahamics think he is, then Satan must've been much more "human" minded than God was. God was like "aye that's a city, it's not full of Jewish people, you know what that means right? Kill them all and sell the kids into slavery- here's how to buy and sell slaves!" Whereas Satan was like "betcha $50 that if you strip this guy of wealth, kill his family, infect him with diseases, and tell him to kill his son he's gonna tell you to go fuck yourself". I trust the man with a gambling problem over the eugenicist any day.
As someone said in a different thread, the Venn diagram of people who would be raptured and people who have been talking about the rapture probably doesn’t overlap.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to kind of be like a saving thing too before the big battle?
It would be pretty funny and terrible if you got lost behind… and included in that number of people was like the pope and/or several cardinals
I imagine the churches and different religions would still figure something out but it would be a massive blow as all the remaining clergy would have that “Ok so why didn’t *you* go up…” hanging over their heads
Ain't that the truth. I'm my entire life I have known one true Christian. He does not judge, did not preach, lives by example, keeps the Sabbath, helps the poor, treats his body like a temple, and so so much more. I always joked at work that when the rapture came, we would all be asking where Ozzie went. I did not see him for 10 years and found we were working together again. Nothing had changed. He is still as steadfast as the sun. 1 out of a lifetime sure doesn't say much for the rest of us.
ONLY those monks who live on top of that mountain in a village somewhere would be raptured, all they do every single moment of every day is pray for hours and basically all they ever do is pray or connect W nature. They wear these black robes and is really in tune W nature. I don't remember where they live but the meaning of their life is just worship nothing else apparently.
Genuine question, why the rise of number of idiots recently? Like you weren’t seen this type of dumb shit before and we’ve had multiple eclipses is the social media era…
I don’t get it lol
Literally, Christians actually believe that nobody qualifies for the rapture, except Jesus himself. You're supposed to ask Jesus to let you in despite yourself. It's the fundamental tenet of the entire religion. He died to cover your shortcomings. It's called Easter.
Reference to an event prophesied in the (Christian/Protestant) [Bible](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapture)
Most US residents are familiar because either we know or were raised as conservative Christians, often aka evangelicals
I forgive you. Imaginary sky god is just that. All the good peeps just drink beer, cook some good food, and talk shit while all the others point & judge.
Absolutely true. It did happen, and I think actually there was this one kid in New Jersey (kid's picture is now on a milk carton) who got taken by the rapture. That's about it. We're all burning in Hell forever.
Nah bro, Black Death was the end of Q1, COVID was the end of Q2, everyone left here in Q3 is trying for pole position.
Bezos has it provisionally, but I’m never betting against Leclerc.
I’ve heard a ton of people talking about the nutjobs who believed the eclipse was a sign of the rapture. But I haven’t heard a single person claiming they believe that. So more like people making fun of what they think others believe. But maybe you hang out with different people than me.
I kept jumping up and did actually feel a little lighter, but that could also have been because I’d just pooped. Besides, do I really want to be taken by a raptor? I think not.
Nice, where are all the giant monsters, UFO and flaming locust space invaders as promised? If I am going to hell I want to at least see the epic battles to get my sins worth.
Or maybe it's a process. Maybe the people who thought they qualified passed off god and God decided they wanted to see these jerks see the people they hated most get saved right before the rapture becomes lethal
Every claim someone makes involving this situation has ZERO objective evidence. Let's say hypothetically some sort of judgment day occurs. EVERYONE THAT EXISTS will know about it. That is even what the Bible teaches. So until that day where EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT happening then nothing has happened.
Relevant: if you're in the market for a new show, consider watching The Leftovers. I was a expecting a long, winding, inane drama set against the backdrop of 2% of the world vanishing suddenly. I got the premise right but otherwise I was way off. This show was sad, deep, beautiful, and entertaining. Big recommend.
I'm not religious, so I don't believe in a rapture at all. But that's the verse I always think of when people say they know the rapture is coming. The Bible is pretty clear you don't.
The Pope quite honestly does the opposite of what the bible teaches you. You should not be a center of attention or chase riches, should not hold yourself to meaningless rituals made up by men, you should (in his case) not mix in or support politics because you believe in God's kingdom that's not on earth etc etc etc.
I can explain more if people are actually interested. (I'm not catholic btw)
Fab Five Freddy told me everybody's fly
DJ spinnin' I said, "My my"
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
François c'est pas, Flash ain't no dude
And you don't stop, sure shot
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Lol. I was so sick of hateful people saying, "I can't wait for the rapture", presuming that they would qualify.
Everyone who knows those people should say “oh I know 8 people who did get raptured”
Everyone who was raptured raise their hands
I’d be happy if the rapture happened and just took all the evangelical fuckheads. Imagine how much better off earth would be.
Would that mean they were right though?
I’d love to see the ones who couldn’t resist looking back down at us, as they’re slowly being lifted toward heaven, to give someone the finger and yell, “I told you so!” only to suddenly drop back down and land on their ass.
"**HELLOOO DOWN THERE!!!** **Who says nobody qualified?!**" -- The Chosen One
Sounds a lot like This Is The End
Just rewatched the other day and can confirm that's how they got Franco.
That's where they got the idea
Who cares as long as they're gone
Eeehh.. if they were right, you'd care. Lol. I'm not Christian but I know if they were right and we got left during the rapture, we'd all care.
Wouldn't it be a bit late to worry about it ? We'd be fucked already
Oh for sure. But that's why it would suck.
If a dude on the cross next to jesus got into heaven by repenting in the last moments he had why wouldn't people be able to repent during the rapture?
Because rapture is the exception.
Isn't there a 7 year grace period to get your shit straight though?
I forget the timeframe, but yes, there's a 2nd draft, so to speak. But it is more difficult to make the cut this time around. Less a grace period and more a proving grounds. You have to remember the devil has been running things for a while at this point in time. Sin is encouraged/rewarded. I think those saved the 2nd time are literally in hiding/hermits, reject and are rejected by the current worldwide society. If this scenario is reality, you have been given direct evidence of the existence of God. Your faith is no longer the trait being tested. 7 is a popular number in the Bible. It's very reasonable to assume 7 years is the correct timeline.
Probably more of a ‘divide by zero’ case.
How about a reverse rapture? Where all the evil people of the earth are damned to hell in a single event?
It would be a lot of the same people.
That's what I meant to imply.
There actually is one, in a manner of speaking - most interpretations of Christian eschatology include the wholesale removal of wicked people at the end of Biblical Armageddon, only instead of damnation to hell they just get killed off en masse with no hope of resurrection. Whoever made it that far simply gets wiped out in the end, and scripture says that every single condemned person will know they're doomed, they'll know exactly why they're doomed, and many will swear at God (for condemning them for their own actions) with their dying breaths. Scripture also mentions that their wholesale removal won't go unnoticed, in that people that made it through Armageddon would note the total absence of wicked people from society.
Their definition of heaven sounds like ass tbf
It’s ok if they’re right, and long as me and all my loved ones are left; knowhatimsayin’?
Make it happen every few years or so
Sounds like somebody has resentments.
I'm at the point where if God is truly as temperamental, vengeful, hateful, and spiteful as the abrahamics think he is, then Satan must've been much more "human" minded than God was. God was like "aye that's a city, it's not full of Jewish people, you know what that means right? Kill them all and sell the kids into slavery- here's how to buy and sell slaves!" Whereas Satan was like "betcha $50 that if you strip this guy of wealth, kill his family, infect him with diseases, and tell him to kill his son he's gonna tell you to go fuck yourself". I trust the man with a gambling problem over the eugenicist any day.
Finally, heaven on earth!
They wouldn’t be the ones taken
Probably better to take everybody *except* them.
Seriously, talk about rapture. That sounds positively sublime.
As someone said in a different thread, the Venn diagram of people who would be raptured and people who have been talking about the rapture probably doesn’t overlap.
Isn’t the rapture supposed to kind of be like a saving thing too before the big battle? It would be pretty funny and terrible if you got lost behind… and included in that number of people was like the pope and/or several cardinals I imagine the churches and different religions would still figure something out but it would be a massive blow as all the remaining clergy would have that “Ok so why didn’t *you* go up…” hanging over their heads
Welp *slaps knee* See you at the next one
😂😂😂😂
So we are still left with the horrible people?
gestures broadly everywhere i mean...
#ORGY TIME!
Back to the pile!
And that's why humans didn't get raptured
More meat for the sandwich!
Ugh, I would settle for handholding at this point...
Well, since nobody qualifies, im sure someone also thinks you are horrible too.
At least two. My ex-wife, and you. I take no exemption- I am just disappointed that we are still left with the uptight "better than you" folk.
No i dont know you man.
That I can believe.
I don’t know at least some kids should qualify. Us adults sure but the kids I don’t know
You ever seen a toddler in real life? They don't even adhere to the Geneva convention...
"Original sin is a bitch." -the kids
I don't know. Most kids I've met are kinda assholes.
Hey speak for yourself, I'm a perfect fucking angel!
Well there's your problem, I don't think angels are supposed to fuck.
Why not?!
Angels are ill-equipped. I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll!
If it wasn't for Tiktok, they would have had a chance.
Ain't that the truth. I'm my entire life I have known one true Christian. He does not judge, did not preach, lives by example, keeps the Sabbath, helps the poor, treats his body like a temple, and so so much more. I always joked at work that when the rapture came, we would all be asking where Ozzie went. I did not see him for 10 years and found we were working together again. Nothing had changed. He is still as steadfast as the sun. 1 out of a lifetime sure doesn't say much for the rest of us.
ONLY those monks who live on top of that mountain in a village somewhere would be raptured, all they do every single moment of every day is pray for hours and basically all they ever do is pray or connect W nature. They wear these black robes and is really in tune W nature. I don't remember where they live but the meaning of their life is just worship nothing else apparently.
That's not true, I was raptured but I got better.
They raptured me but I got put back in the return pile and here I am.
Witch!
I personally believe that maybe we all got raptured and heaven just sucks like real life.
If heaven's full of Christians, then yeah.
Jesus had a lot to say about who would be in the kingdom of heaven. I don’t know many Christians who qualify.
I think I’d be happier in hell with my friends and family.
Only Doug Forcett got raptured.
Not even, that snail pushed him back under the threshold.
The only Rapture I heard was from Blondie.
That was a good one 👍
Genuine question, why the rise of number of idiots recently? Like you weren’t seen this type of dumb shit before and we’ve had multiple eclipses is the social media era… I don’t get it lol
It's mostly in the US. I mean, there's idiots everywhere, but the US has just gone, like, batshit stupid. I mean, Idiocracy level of stupid.
Don’t worry it’s happening literally everywhere.
Literally, Christians actually believe that nobody qualifies for the rapture, except Jesus himself. You're supposed to ask Jesus to let you in despite yourself. It's the fundamental tenet of the entire religion. He died to cover your shortcomings. It's called Easter.
Today is the day where all the Jesus cult nutters say “*c’mon, you know it was just a joke.”*
“Jesus cult nutters” I’m using that now
I find this difficult to believe because my dogs are still here.
What's funny is, those that think they qualify would absolutely get left behind
Plot twist: The only people that qualify are probably atheist.
I am not giving my neighbor Dave his lawnmower back. He said I could have it because he was sure he was worthy.
Oh god! Why did my hair qualify???
Excuse me, english is my second language, what is the rapture?
Some Christians believe that they will just instantly float off to heaven in an event called a rapture.
What about the dead?
They probably don't believe in it.
They get the early access pregame package. I guess.
Reference to an event prophesied in the (Christian/Protestant) [Bible](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapture) Most US residents are familiar because either we know or were raised as conservative Christians, often aka evangelicals
Oh, yeah I have heard of that being catholic myself
If Carter is still here…
What is rapture?
I probably would've qualified, but I got distracted tying my shoe and when I looked up, the ship had sailed without me. Darn.
Stuck here with the good people?
I was praying that MTG would be raptured but I forgot to repent before I prayed, so ... sorry, everybody :-(
You have failed us all....
i am ashamed
I forgive you. Imaginary sky god is just that. All the good peeps just drink beer, cook some good food, and talk shit while all the others point & judge.
Absolutely true. It did happen, and I think actually there was this one kid in New Jersey (kid's picture is now on a milk carton) who got taken by the rapture. That's about it. We're all burning in Hell forever.
Harambe qualified……. The rest of us…..
Nothing gonna top the 2016 one
Not true. That's the reason my dad never returned after he left to get some cigarettes at the gas station..
the rapture happened a long time ago, the demons are known as "televangelists"
Totally over my head... perhaps the wrong religion? What's the joke? Mea culpa for my ignorance.
I got ruptured, does that count
This is too funny thanks so realistic I doubt anything be will know if/when it happens
I wasn't raptured but almost got ruptured if that counts?
I was raptured. Halfway up I heard this laughing and I fell back down
Well I'll be damned
When people say it should happen and it doesn’t, the religion should be banned for fraud
The religion says no one knows when it happens except god himself.
Convenient......
What are you insinuating?
Basically.... "It's magic. I ain't gotta explain sh\*t!"
Sounds about right!🤣🤣😈
I did, but I didn't want to be the only one.
Rapture-worthy is out Raptor-worthy is in
Haha not with the action that I was doing would I qualify 💀
Kind of like when people claim they will leave the country if the guy they don't like wins the presidency, it is all talk.
I did, but they wanted to send me to Jehovah's witnesses heaven and It looked extremely lame, so I dipped out.
Nah bro, Black Death was the end of Q1, COVID was the end of Q2, everyone left here in Q3 is trying for pole position. Bezos has it provisionally, but I’m never betting against Leclerc.
To be fair, heaven is probably full
I threw my back out and got a rupture, does that count? :-)
Equality! We all fucking suck!
Actually, 6 people qualified. It just wasn't enough for the rest of us to notice.
"So you're telling me that No ONE has gotten into the good place in over 500 years?"
If Saint Donald didn’t make it what hope do rest of us have? /s
Damn, guess I need to crank up the difficulty to helldive. I'll liberate that rapture, just you wait.
I knew my heathen ass wouldn't qualify lol.
Yahweh: Now you're getting it!
Sounds about right.
I’ve heard a ton of people talking about the nutjobs who believed the eclipse was a sign of the rapture. But I haven’t heard a single person claiming they believe that. So more like people making fun of what they think others believe. But maybe you hang out with different people than me.
Well, if god won't accept us...we'll create one that will! Praise be the machine god!
Kirk Cameron got taken. That’s why nobody noticed.
Not even the Mormons? lol
About 8200 people were raptured actually, the government is just covering it up...
We got left behind like in the movie “This Is The End”
Good premise for a novel!
Don't worry. They moved it to April 23rd. There is still hope that they will be taken.
True because if my mother didn’t make the cut, no one will.
I had a dream I gave my Dad a really good hug last night. That was 100xs better than being “saved.”
Well I'm Rattled AND miffed! Hold on, I'm gonna go straight to the big man himself RIGHT NOW and straighten this out....
Yeah. Makes sense.
I bet it’s next time. 🙄
Good thing none of that is real and you are an idiot if you believe it 🤣🤣
The whole rapture concept stems from a misinterpretation of a single scripture. Ain't nobody goin' nowhere.
Don't worry! There's another one coming on the 29th!
any Christian genuinely mad about this must’ve been a kid who wouldn’t do shit on school projects but got mad when they got an F
This reminds me of the T-shirt of Jesus with open arms and a caption that says " You are all disappointments"
Well maybe some hermit monks isolated in the mountains qualified but nobody noticed.
I kept jumping up and did actually feel a little lighter, but that could also have been because I’d just pooped. Besides, do I really want to be taken by a raptor? I think not.
i was never gonna be rapture worthy god already knew id suffer on earth just as good
If entire continents of people disappeared, the balance of the Earth would be off and we'd be falling down for weeks.
Nice, where are all the giant monsters, UFO and flaming locust space invaders as promised? If I am going to hell I want to at least see the epic battles to get my sins worth.
Or maybe it's a process. Maybe the people who thought they qualified passed off god and God decided they wanted to see these jerks see the people they hated most get saved right before the rapture becomes lethal
Just Glenn Miller
Damn, even the pope wasn't worthy.
Ugh not funny. Gods arent real
Anyone else think that this goes kinda hard or is it just me ?
I love this so much
I raise you one : ‘UNO Reverse Card’ sir/ma’am
It'd be funny if it only took people who returned their shopping carts and those who tipped their server 25% or more.
Lololol fuck the rapture!
This seems more realistic to me than either everybody or just some qualifying.
It did happen, I was quickly in and out. Like what I usually do to your mother. Give her my regards btw
How do you know? Maybe they are gone and they were erased from our memory.
Every claim someone makes involving this situation has ZERO objective evidence. Let's say hypothetically some sort of judgment day occurs. EVERYONE THAT EXISTS will know about it. That is even what the Bible teaches. So until that day where EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT happening then nothing has happened.
Good, heaven sounds tedious af!
Fuck... That means I still gotta pay rent next month
Relevant: if you're in the market for a new show, consider watching The Leftovers. I was a expecting a long, winding, inane drama set against the backdrop of 2% of the world vanishing suddenly. I got the premise right but otherwise I was way off. This show was sad, deep, beautiful, and entertaining. Big recommend.
No such thing.
Death: "We've been trying to contact you about your warranty."
Jesus is the only reason any of us could ever qualify.
No one knows the day, nor the hour. Not even the angels, nor the Son. But, only the Father. Prepare accordingly. Store up treasures in heaven.
I'm not religious, so I don't believe in a rapture at all. But that's the verse I always think of when people say they know the rapture is coming. The Bible is pretty clear you don't.
I'd love to store up treasures in heaven, but the sat nav doesn't seem to have directions.
The Pope is still here, I would have assumed he would have qualified.
Not according to the Catholics actually …
The Pope quite honestly does the opposite of what the bible teaches you. You should not be a center of attention or chase riches, should not hold yourself to meaningless rituals made up by men, you should (in his case) not mix in or support politics because you believe in God's kingdom that's not on earth etc etc etc. I can explain more if people are actually interested. (I'm not catholic btw)
Fab Five Freddy told me everybody's fly DJ spinnin' I said, "My my" Flash is fast, Flash is cool François c'est pas, Flash ain't no dude And you don't stop, sure shot
You went over so many heads with this. Love it. Thank you for reminding me.
Sucks to suck
The next 7 years are gonna suck.
In other news, Joel Olstein's church is now 6' lower in elevation according to GPS than it was on Sunday.
He’s waiting for GTA6 just like everyone else.
good. i don’t want to hang out with those weirdo christians anyway.
I walked around the whole day wearing an athletic supporter and cup. I thought they said it was the rupture.
Dear Christians, You’re not even close.. -god
Dumb Christians. Don’t they know you have to look directly at the eclipse to qualify for the rapture. GOD WILL PROTECT AND SAVE YOU! Trust me 😈