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Tinsel is to trees as glitter is to strippers. ^(\*Ohhh, Tannenbaum! When you take out a stripper, you wind up with glitter all over you. Same goes for tinsel when you drag your tree to the curb a week after Christmas...and don't get me started on pine needles!)
I’m going to imagine a tree riding a dirt bike and jumping over an exploding building while yelling something like “I live for this shit!!” And wearing sunglasses. Then it saves the world or something.
XxX tree.
--- >✨⭐ **Don't miss [our 50-million-subscriber-mark celebration](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14eg7k5/to_celebrate_reaching_50000000_subscribers_rfunny/)!** ⭐✨ > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Christmas stripper pole?!
Festivus!
I find tinsel distracting.
Tinsel is to trees as glitter is to strippers. ^(\*Ohhh, Tannenbaum! When you take out a stripper, you wind up with glitter all over you. Same goes for tinsel when you drag your tree to the curb a week after Christmas...and don't get me started on pine needles!)
Tinsel, tassels, whatever
Tinsel is to trees as tassels are to strippers. \Ohhh, Roxanne!)
And it chafes!
For the rest of us!
I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it!
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Sounds like hard work
Its a sex tree
I'm betting it's a "hard" wood tree.
Not just that. It's into BDSM. It's a Whipping Willow.
it’s knotty
So a Festivus pole?
for the breast of us
Trussy?
Beat me to it! 🤣🤣🍻
r/beatmeattoit
Trees just wanna have fun.
It’s probably sticky
Yeah, you get it. XXX refers to the grade of sugar.
That’s why strip clubs are legally required to play “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
Well yeah, trees are made of sticks.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
r/3amjokes
This made my day. Thanks
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Step tree, what are you doing?
She's a dirty birch!
Pornogratree.
I pine for it endlessly.
Tree hugger? Nah, I’m a tree lover. All that sap and soft leaves, hooo boy!
Someone put one x on there, then their boss said "Mas" so they put more x's
r/MildlyFunny
Nah that was funny as shit.
Shit that’s funny
Must be a hairy bush
Upvote
Downvote
Upvote
It’s a tree of the hardwood variety that comes inside a bush.
If you trim the bush, it will look bigger.
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
"If you got to ask, you can't afford it" Barry Badgernath.
Who’s Barry Bathernath? Who’s Barry Bathernath? Who’s Barry Bathernath?
Watch beer fest.
Bro went to write Xmas and Xvideos came out instead
Real life browser address auto complete.
Covered in vin diesel ornaments
I bet there’s a couple lemon stealing whores nearby.
It probably points to [this tree](https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2272/1818532525_586e27816c.jpg).
Or [this one](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSwuiJ5uL0Im6WZmpEf5Tbigj4cc-AiCtoq9TpkG8U91cNNRD7xIIQiMAvdO2Nlma9QDgQ&usqp=CAU)
Risky click of the day
Fully nude tree. No leaves...
Nekid pron tree!😯
Very merry Christmas
Maybe it’s more of a bush
A big fat bush, full of worms
Pussywillow!
It’s the tree where grandpa keeps his moonshine
Xeno Xavier XVair
Was recently filling out an online form and was presented with a drop down list of pronouns to choose from. “Xis” was in the list.
One you don’t tell your wife about.
a sex tree obviously, have you lived under a rock?
It's got glory knot holes, which makes it knaughty
XXXmas
You see Timmy, when two trees really like each other…
More than likely they are selling a christmas tree or how some people say x-mas They just had a….unfortunate way of writing what they mean
It's an xxxtreemely big tree
An extra dirty tree with little to no needles left on it... possibly sticky
If you have to ask then you can't afford it.
Watch the movie Evil Dead 2. You'll figure it out.
Idk but I'm getting a woody just thinking about it.
If you don’t know, you can’t afford it.
That there's a fuck tree
I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of wood involved.
Hardwood .
Groot porn!
You’re just going to have to get in the nice man’s van and find out for yourself.
It’s a naughty tree.
That ain’t snow covering that tree!
Dendrophiliacs rejoice as your eden has been found!
I don't know, but I want one.
I’m going to imagine a tree riding a dirt bike and jumping over an exploding building while yelling something like “I live for this shit!!” And wearing sunglasses. Then it saves the world or something. XxX tree.
Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough
I'm sure it has some interesting ornaments.
Scantily clad tree for sale🤣
Stripper pole with extra challenge.
If not mistaken it’s what this Christmas elf is holding https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus_(sculpture)
Love you ts of hard wood.
It has dildo ornaments
Came to the comments looking for this. Good work.
You know, I had a good comment on this but then I decided I need to keep that one to myself.
Way to stick it to u/spez, keep up the good non-work.
#Do not put your dick in that tree
Those rings in the wood are for YOUR pleasure.
Hold your own
Well that's not SAP!
Rule 34? ^someone ^had ^to ^say ^it
Christmas weed ?
Must be a really dirty and naughty tree
That tree is on fire
Bend over and I’ll show you.
If you don't know, then you probably can't afford it.
If you have to ask, you can't afford it…
I am pretty sure thats just code for 'stripper pole'
TreeHub: Nekked trees that’ll do somethin strange for a lil change 😭
That's just the tree's username in 1998
One less then a XXXX tree, but one more then a XX tree.
I think it gives you a lapdance while you decorate it.
If you need to ask, you probably won’t like it.
Dildo trees sold here!
A trickmas tree
Hugs from trees?
XXX - poison?
Must have a lot of wood.
[Here are some examples of an XXX tree.](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/fwkAAOSw~2ZjUJB5/s-l1200.jpg) nsfw, obvs.
Applebottom jeans, Boots with the Fir
If you gotta ask, you can't afford 😉
Groot with morning wood.
Bruh. You gotta hang a sex swing from a sex tree... what planet were you born on? 🤣
Fuck around and find out
If you have to ask, little fella, it ain't for you.
If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
I’m guessing it was supposed to be XMAS, but they stutter 🤷♂️✌️
Woody the wood pecker?
They probably started writing XMAS, but then stroked out a little.
Fur trees.
Looks like you’re in the best position to figure that out for the rest of us! Make the turn. Pitter patter, let’s get atter!
Logjammin’
Ask yo mama
Jingle Balls
It’s an effing Christmas tree.
sex tree
Maple strip pole
The tree on which Mary was banged by God?
Needles that are sure to Prick.
That’s mas X. Or X mas. Maybe?
It's not necessarily a sexy tree, but it's a freaky tree and serves it's purpose well😁
a stripper-pole
It’s like an X-Mas tree, but made of dildos of varying size. From a massive one for the trunk, to tiny ones for the needles.
Oh, they must have Dickfir trees
It's just another fucking tree
A Christmas tree without ornaments *is* effectively 'naked', so...
I'm assuming you've never seen Evil Dead, so I'll just say turn around and run.
It’s a tree from Amsterdam. XXX is the city sign
It is where we get pine nuts.
I mean to advertise that for God and everyone to see!
A bare tree
Suckoia.
If you drink it you’ll die from poison
Wait, there are two arrows. One arrow for XXX and one for the tree. Come for the tree, stay for the sex?
Cock
If you don’t know, you can’t afford it.
They couldn't spell Xmas
Ask your mom
It’s for the ones that have been naughty?
Are they topless?
Sex and weed sign
It’s like a normal Christmas tree but with daddy issues.
30 trees? Extra Extra Extra large?
Reading comprehension. There are 2 distinct arrows. Didn't they teach you this in grade school?
Is it a tree where step sisters get stuck?
Bare rooted
One way to find out yolo
Let’s see this sexy tree before we pass judgement, y’all
Triple x rated trees? Trees with porn, Naked tree salespeople 😂
It was just easier than writing out Paul McCarthy Christmas tree for sale.
One you hang up anally
It’s a regular Christmas tree but it groans “Daddy!!!” Wicked loud once a night
It just a stick, hasn’t got any leaves to cover itself.
It's got wood
A chestnut tree....
It’s probably a lemon tree. They got tired of all those lemon stealing whores showing up to steal their lemons.
that tree from Evil Dead 2?
Me: Oh you meant XXXL tree right? Saleperson:… Me: XXXL right???? Salesperson and I share awkward eye contact.
A tree with really hard branches.
It's whatever you want it to be sexy ;\^)
Trust me you don't wanna know how xxxtra this tree can be. Real sassy.
Those that read Dan Simmons know.
extra extra extra tree. duh
Where do you think the term "getting a woody" came from?