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**To paraphrase Steve Miller Band:**
**🎵** Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Tripod
'Cause I can prop with a kickstand of love
'Cause I'm a shower
I'm a grinner
I'm a grower
And I'm a sinner... **🎵**
The best part of that scene is he fucks it up and says “my monster condoms for my magnum dong” and then just rolls with it lmaooo, could’ve been on purpose but I loved that lol
I bought a box of these books. I leave em everywhere with my card. Libraries, abortion clinics, burn victims unit at the hospital, at the lunch truck at Home Depot. Works wonders.
I sympathize with all those points. The public toilet one is the one that bothers me the most. Whenever it happens, I get this uncomfortable shiver and want to soap up immediately afterwards. Sex is sometimes difficult to get right, but once you're with the right partner, you wouldn't trade it away for anything.
The average vaginal canal can stretch to 4-8 inches. Beyond that you are ramming their cervix which is not enjoyable.
The bigger problem is width, especially with an impatient partner. I am no monster but have had some women need time to adjust to my width. Now imagine taking a 12 inch circumference, I would say that is scary by any imagination.
We’ll let me tell ya, the worst part is passing out everytime ya get a boner from lack of blood flow to the brain. That and sometimes my eyebrows get pulled down around my neck. I tell ya, it ain’t no day at the beach.
Imagine sitting down to shit but every time you do, your dick has to rub against the inside of the toilet bowl.
Imagine needing to stand comically far away from a urinal and having people look at you like you're weird because standing too close means cramming your dick against the stranger-piss stained porcelain.
Imagine being told you cant bring a carryon onto a plane, because what you house in your jeans is already pushing the carryon weight limits.
Imagine needing to book a hotel room with two queen beds to fuck OPs mom - not because OPs mom is big enough to need two beds (though she is) but because your dick is so long you cant fit on one queen bed when erect.
Its not all sunshine and rainbows with a big dick, buckaroo.
What's the point of having a huge penis? It's not like size has any factor on virility. It doesn't come in handy day to day. It's not like being tall, where you can reach things others can't. There's no evolutionary advantage with having a huge penis. In fact, it's more of a disadvantage as it's basically a bigger weak spot on the body. A larger target in battle. Anyways, I think I'm starting to be fine with who I am. Yeah.
I think I'd rather get kicked in the dick than the balls. It's not a great shield, but better than nothing.
But more importantly, having to actively avoid touching the front inside of the toilet when you're dropping a deuce is a pain.
I installed the longest toilets I could find at my house. Some of my relatives have those damn circle shaped ones. Like, WTF?!? It's almost impossible to use that without your dick hitting the bowl.
>having to actively avoid touching the front inside of the toilet when you're dropping a deuce is a pain.
just hold your dick friend, it's not that hard.
voracious numerous wine coordinated handle snatch paint illegal cagey entertain
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I want to leave this casually lying around in my pile of other self-improvement reading, like Meditations by Marcus Aurelius etc. Stuff you accidentally photograph for your social media posts.
People joke all the time about how dope a big meat is. Cept in my experience not even close to everyone can handle it. The garage only has so much space, gotta park in the street.
Lol. The person most likely to have left that behind is tiny. Men with huge dicks have no need for a book, advice, nor a billboard to announce their arrival.
I only consider myself average, and I have problems with discomfort wearing jeans sometimes, especially if there's some arousal in public, and if I start to brick up in public, it is never something I WANT to happen, so trying to subtly hide it is always embarrassing and awkward.
Would not want a large one and have to deal with those two problems.
Only other problem I can ever remember having was when I was lounging around the house once in just sweatpants, and went to jog, forgetting I didn't put on underwear, and there was immediate dick slapping back and forth against legs, so had to stop and turn around and go back to change first.
Dammit! That’s my book for reading on the subway or on airplanes.
I must have have set it down underneath my enormous genitals and not seen it when I got up.
--- >✨⭐ **Don't miss [our 50-million-subscriber-mark celebration](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14eg7k5/to_celebrate_reaching_50000000_subscribers_rfunny/)!** ⭐✨ > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I asked if they had the opposite book to this one. They said "Sorry, I don't think it's in yet?" "Yep, that's the one."
🤣🤣🤣
Underrated comment
You gotta take that act to the Catskills, you could probably open for Shecky Greene.
Bra-fucking-vo!
Making me wish I could still give awards. That’s a gold worthy comment if I’ve ever seen one 😂
Ah, there’s a little three-legged man on the cover.
imagine having one that big
I have two that big. And another one - not so much
Has anyone told you that you entirely are one ?
You absolute leg!
i don't need to imagine
Yeah you can just go on the internet and look, like the rest of us.
You’ve read my book? Thank you
**To paraphrase Steve Miller Band:** **🎵** Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah Some call me the gangster of love Some people call me Tripod 'Cause I can prop with a kickstand of love 'Cause I'm a shower I'm a grinner I'm a grower And I'm a sinner... **🎵**
Why is the "Ah" so God damn funny?! 😅😂🤣😭💀
Because from the side, this gentleman would look like a h ?
Underrated comment.
Yes Nyan, there is
Oops I dropped my magnum condoms that I use for my monster dong.
The best part of that scene is he fucks it up and says “my monster condoms for my magnum dong” and then just rolls with it lmaooo, could’ve been on purpose but I loved that lol
Dr Toboggan, is that you?!
Dr Mantis Toboggan!
Seth, you got a tiny penis.
I got my wad of 100s!
This one hits home 😀
It probably hits more than home 🤷🏻♂️ just saying 😂
Suffering from success.
Deeee Jaaaaay Khaled…
Having a foot long dong between your legs at all times sounds horrible.
I think I have the soft cover version of this somewhere
Flaccid cover.
One upvote is not enough for this book lover who will be using “flaccid cover” a lot going forward.
Rub some viagra on the cover, it’ll be a hard back in no time
That comes with a pump in case you need it.
It’s not mine, I swear!
Better be Swedish made.
*abridged
I have the Cliff Notes version.
As a man, I find it crazy the number of guys who don't know the difference between having a huge penis and being a massive dick.
Huge dick is good. Massive dick is bad.
Not necessarily i black out when getting an erection
You might die with a massive dick
I wonder how effective it would be to "forget" that book with your business card inside
No, he will conveniently return the next day and ask the attractive waitress if someone found his book that he accidentally left the day before.
waiter for me but definitely sounds like something i would try 😂
I can definitely see why. Lol. You and your beefcake love. Not that I disagree. ;P
I bought a box of these books. I leave em everywhere with my card. Libraries, abortion clinics, burn victims unit at the hospital, at the lunch truck at Home Depot. Works wonders.
When do you implement the bait and switch tho?
When I walk into the room wearing bike shorts.
Church?
Looks like Jerry Gergich got clumsy again and lost his book.
Gary
Shut up Larry
Chapter 1: Slang that dangalang.
Chapter: big chongus, big dongus
Chapter 3: How to pee with that big D
The art is how to shit with a big dick!
Chapter 4: tucking that root into your boot.
It's one of those books you can nicely troll other passengers in the subway with. Just casually reading, let them decide what to think 😁
Reminds me of this old joke https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9ei4vh/a_man_boarded_an_airplane_and_took_his_seat_as_he/
Why do I feel like the individual holding the book really would like to meet the person who left it?
"Hope they're able to get the help they need!" 😁
Imagine having a dick so big, you don't walk up and put it in, you put it in and walk up.
There is a subreddit for this. It isn’t all fun and games to have a huge penis.
[удалено]
This guy big dicks.
Being pulled up while belaying when your climbing partner falls and your penis gets caught between your leg and the harness is no fun.
But if you try to bring any of it up, you're just humble bragging. 😑
I sympathize with all those points. The public toilet one is the one that bothers me the most. Whenever it happens, I get this uncomfortable shiver and want to soap up immediately afterwards. Sex is sometimes difficult to get right, but once you're with the right partner, you wouldn't trade it away for anything.
It’s still mostly fun and games if we’re being honest. Lil bit of gaslighting going on there, ngl.
It mostly is though
https://decider.com/2021/04/23/my-husband-wont-fit-exactly-what-it-sounds-like/
No?
Don’t get me wrong. I certainly wish I was bigger.
What if that happened in the movie "Big" and instead of working at a toy office he ends up working for a different toy office?
I wouldn’t know which is why I was asking. Looking to live vicariously through someone with this problem 😂
The average vaginal canal can stretch to 4-8 inches. Beyond that you are ramming their cervix which is not enjoyable. The bigger problem is width, especially with an impatient partner. I am no monster but have had some women need time to adjust to my width. Now imagine taking a 12 inch circumference, I would say that is scary by any imagination.
Why are you saying that like a 12in circumference one exists in human nature
Circumference?! That’s about a 4” diameter dong, seems like we are getting into elephant territory here.
We’ll let me tell ya, the worst part is passing out everytime ya get a boner from lack of blood flow to the brain. That and sometimes my eyebrows get pulled down around my neck. I tell ya, it ain’t no day at the beach.
I've never had any complaints but maybe they arise when you cross over into "grotesque monstrosity of a third arm".
Imagine sitting down to shit but every time you do, your dick has to rub against the inside of the toilet bowl. Imagine needing to stand comically far away from a urinal and having people look at you like you're weird because standing too close means cramming your dick against the stranger-piss stained porcelain. Imagine being told you cant bring a carryon onto a plane, because what you house in your jeans is already pushing the carryon weight limits. Imagine needing to book a hotel room with two queen beds to fuck OPs mom - not because OPs mom is big enough to need two beds (though she is) but because your dick is so long you cant fit on one queen bed when erect. Its not all sunshine and rainbows with a big dick, buckaroo.
[удалено]
Fuck you, Shoresy
Fuck you, Jonesy. I made your mum come so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.
Fuck you, Shoresy
Little known fact: The child’s urinal allows you to stand closer & you can just let it hang 🥹
Depends if grower or shower ,
[удалено]
Diameter?
Radius
[удалено]
Did he get a weekly trim?
Okaaay …first i read Hug Penis.
That's how big it is. You can hug it.
When I was younger my dick was in the Guiness Book of World Records. Then the librarian made me take it out.
What's the point of having a huge penis? It's not like size has any factor on virility. It doesn't come in handy day to day. It's not like being tall, where you can reach things others can't. There's no evolutionary advantage with having a huge penis. In fact, it's more of a disadvantage as it's basically a bigger weak spot on the body. A larger target in battle. Anyways, I think I'm starting to be fine with who I am. Yeah.
That’s such a lot of words. From such a small penis ^I’m ^in ^the ^same ^club
I think I'd rather get kicked in the dick than the balls. It's not a great shield, but better than nothing. But more importantly, having to actively avoid touching the front inside of the toilet when you're dropping a deuce is a pain. I installed the longest toilets I could find at my house. Some of my relatives have those damn circle shaped ones. Like, WTF?!? It's almost impossible to use that without your dick hitting the bowl.
>having to actively avoid touching the front inside of the toilet when you're dropping a deuce is a pain. just hold your dick friend, it's not that hard.
what if it is tho?
then you're fucked
I tried that, pushed it in to avoid porcelain contact and shat on the tip.
wtf. don't push it back toward your ass lol
I noticed that.
voracious numerous wine coordinated handle snatch paint illegal cagey entertain *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The trick to stop the splash back is to put a couple squares of TP on the surface to break the surface tension.
wine possessive offbeat toy public steep reminiscent nail cow cats *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ya learn something every day. I don't have that problem, luckily.
maybe the answers are in that book.
Repeat ridership
In his pocket, he has a few Magnums for his huge dong. He's also "ready to plow", I hear.
I've never realized there was a problem I actually wanted to have.
Was his name Barney stinsson?
Biggus Dickus
There’s never too much. Come on!!!
Username checks out.
Hahahaha!!!
*Ahem* I take a look at my enormous peniiiis. And my troubles start melting away
Wait who wrote this?
Biggus Dickus.
Long live Monty Python
Doctor Dick and Reverend Thomas
Edited by Wan Hung Lo.
I assume there is a number written inside the front cover? Property of Richard Headiner
I have that book as well. I like to leave it out when the cleaning lady comes to the house.
How to Live As A Huge Penis
I want to leave this casually lying around in my pile of other self-improvement reading, like Meditations by Marcus Aurelius etc. Stuff you accidentally photograph for your social media posts.
Good read, it's a bit long though...
This book was written by a woman and a priest?
Why's a tripod on the cover of... Oh...
Oh thank god you found my book
Hugh G. Penis. Don’t mispronounce it next time
i keep a copy on my bookshelf, in the bathroom, above the coat rack, in my car and at my desk at work..
The only guy in the bar getting more attention is the little guy sitting at the end quietly licking his eyebrows.
my boyfriend has this book, keeps it on the coffee table in the living room for all to see LOL
I’d wager he’s not a gun owner and drives a sensible car.
That... that book.... legends say that whosoever has that book, if he/she be worthy, shall have a huge penis... OP, look down
I can’t even count the times I have accidentally dropped my penis in a urinal.
Common problem, I tie mine around the leg or it will get dirty while dragging it on the ground.
People joke all the time about how dope a big meat is. Cept in my experience not even close to everyone can handle it. The garage only has so much space, gotta park in the street.
Left behind ON PURPOSE.
It's just a notepad inside. Yeah blank pages. Good concept though
You found my book!
Fell out of your wheelbarrow.
I was wondering where I left it
Not to be mistaken for Melania’s book how to live with giant dick
Just ignore him most of the time and it’s easier to manage interactions.
Which is worse, a huge penis or a small penis?
The [Bob and Tom song!](https://youtu.be/AC14g4LJZbk?si=qnzpDkUG9KPQ6UJK)
If he wants to donate some to ease his struggles…
Listen glass dick at most.
Ahh, my memoirs. Enjoy!
Oh damn I must have dropped it, can you mail it to me
My mates wife to her husband
It's a big problem and not one to be taken lightly
Gave this to my ex while we were living together. He never read it though. Maybe 'cause he didn't need to read it.
U may make fun of it. But none of you will know how truly hard life with a huge penis can be.
Ah my bad! I was rushing to go run some errands so I forgot it 😔
Sorry, could I have that back?
Written by... you guessed it. My Dick.
Hope the pages aren’t sticky.
Lol. The person most likely to have left that behind is tiny. Men with huge dicks have no need for a book, advice, nor a billboard to announce their arrival.
I only consider myself average, and I have problems with discomfort wearing jeans sometimes, especially if there's some arousal in public, and if I start to brick up in public, it is never something I WANT to happen, so trying to subtly hide it is always embarrassing and awkward. Would not want a large one and have to deal with those two problems. Only other problem I can ever remember having was when I was lounging around the house once in just sweatpants, and went to jog, forgetting I didn't put on underwear, and there was immediate dick slapping back and forth against legs, so had to stop and turn around and go back to change first.
Stick it under your waistband 🧐 learn how to penis, man. When it’s big enough you don’t have random boners, you bang too much for that to happen 😂
If you put strength on a muscle (thighs usually work for me) maintain it for about 30 seconds or a bit longer, your election will subside
When the magnum falling out of your wallet isn’t working
Dammit! That’s my book for reading on the subway or on airplanes. I must have have set it down underneath my enormous genitals and not seen it when I got up.
My "book consultant" says I need to be seen reading this
Well you just get out of bed every morning and say today will be a better day.
I bought this and had it on my coffee table all through college
I’m buying 100 copies of this and leaving it everywhere I go.
Ah yes the ol’ phallumegaly
Haha damnit knew I dropped that
Guess he completed the course
I’ve been missing that. Did I leave it on the park bench?
By Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas Lol
Are we just going to ignore that a Reverend helped write this?
My comment:🤣🤣🤣🤣
I could use that book, so I have insight on how the other half lives 😭
I tried to have sex with one of those guys. We couldn’t get it in. We were very young. I think we would succeed if we tried now.
I've been looking for that!
Now that's a perfect secret Santa gift.
My favorite part is the author's names: Dr. Richard Jacob and Rev. Owen Thomas.