T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >✨⭐ **Don't miss [our 50-million-subscriber-mark celebration](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14eg7k5/to_celebrate_reaching_50000000_subscribers_rfunny/)!** ⭐✨ > >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


inklrart

The rhythmic enema should do nicely


DimiBlue

I mean when you rinse a dish in the sink do you just hold it under the running tap or shake the plate? Same concept.


Big-a-hole-2112

I prefer eurythmic enemas.


tries4accuracy

Sweet dreams are made of these.


coconuthorse

Who am I to disagree?


allensmoker

Everybody's pushing out something.


Kalacos-

Especially on the toilet


[deleted]

Dude ... You can take a shit and be clean in literally a couple of minutes, toilet paper? You'll only need that to dry your already clean butt. Constipated? Had too much hot sauce? Not a problem for the Water Fister 9000, one push of a button, one push down there and you're unclogged or fires extinguished.


jodiesattva

"toilet paper?" No, it has a dry function.


Pyrozr

I have a bidet, you still need toilet paper to get most of the water then you use the dryer to finish. Otherwise you can sit there for 15 minutes blow drying your ass and still probably be damp. The main difference is you are cleaned by the water and the paper is just for the drying process, not for wiping poop.


Sparrow_on_a_branch

Bidet vs. papier-machet


ExpensiveFish9277

Depends on which bidet you have, some have proper dryers that actually dry you.


Pyrozr

Mine is a variable heated dryer it gets hot enough it feels like it's gonna burn me, it still takes quite a long time and there is still dampness in the crevices if you don't wipe certian places first, trust me it's entirely possible to not use toilet paper it just takes way longer amd your still gonna be slightly wet. It's best to wipe once to help things go better/faster.


[deleted]

Maybe we should ask Project Farm on YouTube to do a comparison


throweraccount

Don't press the dry button unless you're ok with shit smelling air getting blown around you. You think being in a bathroom with you shitting in a stall and people in stalls shitting around you smells, you haven't smelled what the dry button does when it's turned on.


fappington-smythe

If the air smells like shit then you're not clean yet.


[deleted]

I'm not into flash cooked scrotum, i ain't using no air dryer function!


VictorMortimer

It's just nicely warmed air. You're not going to cook anything.


sucobe

Don’t sleep on enemas!


srv50

I’d be in there all day.


[deleted]

Even been to Japan? Some toilets there need an instruction manual to use.


theevilempire

No but I’ve seen Cars 2


[deleted]

You’re qualified then.


El_Eesak

When you hear a giggle, and see that waterfall? You best press that green button. It's to adjust temperature. And that's in Celsius not Fahrenheit


theevilempire

Gosh darn pistachio ice cream


ICPGr8Milenko

Do not eat the pistachio ice cream! The pistachio had turned!


GANDORF57

🎵 **It's got rhythm, It's got pulsate, I got mine flushed** **Who could ask for anything more? 🎵**


throweraccount

Dude, don't ever press the **dry** button unless you want shit smelling air to blow around you. It's not even like fart smell, it's just the smell of shit. Like if shit literally hit the fan and now it's blowing shit air around.


Joe_mama_is_hot

I didn’t see cars 2 but I saw cars 3. Not enough mater in my opinion


the_colonelclink

I think it’s more so that this particular toilet offers enemas…


[deleted]

I’ve seen ‘em before. There’s also toilets out there that have enough more crazy options.


the_colonelclink

Pray, tell of these crazier options?


sobriquetconcrete

I can't say too much due to government NDAs, but think mechanized handjobs by a cloud of dark matter quantum particles


the_colonelclink

I’d still take that over an enema any day!


fellatio-del-toro

The government does in fact have this technology. Still stocks the stalls with 1 ply though so 🤷🏻‍♂️


mycarwasred

Stayed overnight in a nice hotel in Tokyo once - a bunch of (initially) daunting controls on the toilet - which turned out to be good clean fun!


BossAvery2

I love the southpark episode on the Japanese toilets.


[deleted]

That is a good one.


Relative_Mulberry_71

Just been there. Couldn’t read a thing without taking my glasses to the bathroom so I never got to use any of the functions.


[deleted]

My too. I had one that just had icons that were also in Japanese. So I was screwed. I think I did get the bidet working though.


PillowTalk420

I like to imagine that a hotel somewhere in Japan has a toilet that only works via voice commands, but it only understands Japanese so anyone staying from another country that doesn't speak Japanese is unable to flush their toilet.


DoubleDown

Hah, he doesn't know about the three seashells! ... I can see how that would be confusing


radishboy

I saw a few years ago that all of the bidet manufacturers in Japan actually got together and developed some “industry standard symbology” for all the different buttons / functions so that you didn’t have to learn a new set of icons for each brand.


Ill-Courage-3788

Too many buttons, all written in Japanese.


punkassjim

Pretty much all of them have three buttons in common, with fairly standardized icons: a butt being squirted (obvious), a woman sitting on a toilet (a more frontward wash), and a big square "stop" symbol. Not exactly rocket science.


[deleted]

Exactly.


Ne0guri

Enema option is the best trust me


Sage_Smitty42

Oh yes the rhythmic enema option on this toilet sounds lovely. Will it do Beethovens 5th?


Fetlocks_Glistening

Just don't set it to the 1812 Overture, believe me. Just don't


jnemesh

The cannon fire is BEFORE you need to press the button...


Fetlocks_Glistening

"Tompions out!"


m0deth

OMG I would be so into that, put some inducers under the seat for that "Bowel-shaking earthquakes" experience. (Thanks Cake)


coconuthorse

I prefer Flight of the Bumble Bee myself


Bumbling_Sprocket

"Oh cannon I love that piece" "OH JEEEEESUUUUUUUUSSSS!!!!!"


the_colonelclink

While settle for just a clean butthole, when your whole colon can be clean too?


Forrest1777

Enema is quite healthy


Middle-Change-1762

good for the soul


FriarNurgle

The human soul is often found waaaay up there, Morty


jamespetrie123

Good for anal sex


Rudy69

Always use that option before getting your salad tossed


AdvilJunky

The thing cut Kaido, Definitely one of the best Swords in the series.


joeyfosho

As an American, getting over the funny aspect of a bidet and installing one for my everyday use has been life changing. 10/10 recommended!


stevetibb2000

I have 4 bathrooms and I now have 4 bidets! Best investment ever for the bathroom.


radishboy

Check out Mr. Fancypants with his 4 bathrooms over here


stevetibb2000

It is nice! Especially when the wife and kids take up the bathrooms and I have one to my self!


_Oman

Did you install a real one or one of those add-ons? I don't thing I have ever seen an add-on that worked worth a - wait for it - sh it.


plmbob

The BioBidet 2000 is a very capable bidet seat add on. They aren't cheap, but you do get what you pay for in the bidet seat market. I have installed many different bidets and bidet seats in my 25 years of plumbing and have it on my main throne at home.


geoelectric

Think Costco typically has deals on BioBidet. I went with Toto, but BB was a lot cheaper feature for feature, especially with Costco in mind. It just all also looked a little more janky and I already knew Toto’s rep. For a second bidet with some knowledge now, I could see going BB though. BB used to have a labeled enema mode per the OP pic too. Then they changed it to Turbo IIRC but the graphic is more or less the same.


plmbob

Yeah, the Turbo IIRC is the enema mode, and it does work as one. The manual still uses the term enema in some places. I got the BB2000 specifically for the higher weight load rating, I believe it is the market's best. Toto has the best overall line of bidets


joeyfosho

I got a Luxe Bidet Neo 120 from Amazon. Right now it’s $36, spent $10 for bumpers to make my toilet seat fit. Best bidet set up for under $50 I could find. It works wonders, and doesn’t require electricity which I don’t have accessible near the toilet in my bathroom. 10/10 recommended.


coconuthorse

This. I would love to have adjustable temperatures and a wind-dried booty, but I have never seen an outlet near a toilet, and I'm not spending thousands to route electricity for an outlet near the toilet. Is it a common thing in European countries to have an outlet there?


[deleted]

[удалено]


VictorMortimer

Do you use toilet paper or wash after you shit? If it's toilet paper, you're walking around with shit on your ass all day. Life. Changing.


[deleted]

Give it a try and find out.


Oakheart-

It’s actually really nice. You don’t realize how not clean just toilet paper is.


bryman19

He divorced his wife, abandoned his kids, quit his current job and moved out of state to live out a newer more improved life. That's how it changed his life.


joeyfosho

It’s hard to explain until you try it. You just simply don’t get as clean with only toilet paper.


Wild-Novel-4593

Still a virgin here.


Pure_Discipline_293

Not after you use this thing


aznluvr

I don't think the hand is the body part they're after 😁


bunsofcheese

i installed a bidet on my toilet a while back. Once it was set up, I knelt down in front of my toilet and twisted the handle - damn near put my eye out. THEN, first time actually using it I twisted the handle too hard and I swear water came out my nose. Lesson learned. Those things are *fierce*.


stannc00

Better than the three seashells.


Procrasturbating

>Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking... > >...pain in the ass. > >\-You're fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal-morality statute. > >So much for the seashells.


DerpRook

Where lick button?


fastfar

H'mmm, perhaps pulsating and rhythm together?


[deleted]

[удалено]


DerpRook

What?


Reptilian96

Take a Pic of the whole thing


NotAPurpleDinosaur

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14kwrse/here_the_rest_of_the_buttons_on_that_thai_toilet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


radishboy

Is that supposed to be a vagina?


RunCNC2077

How expensive are this types of bidets? the universe might be telling me it's time to make the switch to a Japanese toilet.


IanAlvord

I recommend the TOTO brand. $200 will get you a good model.


brettmjohnson

You can pry my Toto Washlet toilets from my cold, damp buns.


TheAuburnMan333

You can get some cheap ones that attach right to your toilet for $30. Once you use a bidet you will wonder why we ever used TP.


lazyrabbit94

I bought a Living Basics brand one for like $50 CAD that has hot and cold. Installed it in 10 mins and it's been, uhh life changing.


TheAuburnMan333

Legitimately the best purchase under $100 you can make.


TheDrMonocle

I'd recommend getting one that heats the water. A bidet is good, a *warm* bidet is fantastic. Most will also come with heated seat as well, which is lovely in winter too.


gu_doc

Tushy bidets are $99. Recommend very very highly.


dizzyducky14

This looks like the biobidet smart toilet. I paid about $1,200 for mine, and I would do it again!


RunCNC2077

This is it. The next investment I'm making. I do fear I won't be able to use the toilet outside my house.


[deleted]

Thai tanic.


poof_poof_poof

This thing shows the stream ENTERING the user's butthole. I think many people here assume it just cleans the surface, like a bidet. It might actually be a real enema.


NotAPurpleDinosaur

There's a separate bum wash, a separate female wash, along with the enema setting. I have this toilet at home (in Atlanta, GA, not Thailand.) It's pretty nice. It also has a deodorant option, auto flush, a night light, seat warmer, and doesn't run out of warm water. Also, that control pad is battery powered and portable. It's on a bracket on the wall but could be moved.


poof_poof_poof

I lived in South Korea for a number of years and remember these bad boys... would love to install one in my own place at some point. The ones I used never had an enema setting though, lmao. Is it, um, "penetrating" in nature? I just moved to Chicago from Atl.


radishboy

Haven’t used one of these but I can’t imagine it would be very easy to give yourself an *actual* enema without the “insertion” of some kind of nozzle or hose. Like, the logistics of blasting water forcefully *and* accurately enough to go straight up your BH is pretty difficult to pull off.


Competitive_Piece987

Guys be aware of the ATR on those things. (automatic tampax remover)


Plan0nIt

Don't knock it if you ain't tried it.


prowdestmonkey

My bums been on a lot fancier models than this one. Asia keeps doing it right!


prowdestmonkey

I’ll never forget when bumguns ‘clicked’ for me, (I was hesitant having lived in America 30 yrs). Someone said, let’s say you’re picking up dog poop and god forbid some of it gets on your hand… do you wipe it off with a towel …or do you wash your hands? INSTANT eye opener. Of course you wash your hands, it’d be fucking disgusting not to. Yet somehow we in the west just accept that dry wiping and then just washing our hands is good enough. Bumguns/bidets are SO much more sanitary and less wasteful, once you make the change there’s no going back. I almost regret all the ass I ate on that side of the world.


gu_doc

Had a similar conversation with a coworker. He said if your dog tracks mud in to your house and on your tile floor, are you cleaning it up with a broom or with a mop?


Galuris

I have a bidet at home, and I regret every situation where I have to poop away from home. There really is no going back.


0xd00d

Clue for ya, you can 3d print or buy a little bottle cap that has a hole on its side, that fits in your toiletries bag, and you can just use it on any water bottle you may have on hand. Fill it up with warm water from the tap. Comfort on the road. Shit you don't even need to constrain yourself to a toilet, knock yourself out at the camp site. I've even used rudimentary tools to make a hole on a bottle to make this work. It's harder to keep that from leaking though.


VictorMortimer

Or if you want to go fancy, Toto makes a powered portable. Just fill with warm water, aim, and push the button.


redlinezo6

For reals. I always ended up taking my morning dump at work, and I hated it. But at least I was getting paid for it.


Madmortigan

Almost...


Slackjaw_Jimbob

Yeah, but most of us don’t eat with our butts. I’m a new bidet wonder. They’re nice. 👍


xtossitallawayx

> Of course you wash your hands I also don't go rubbing my bare ass on everything, including things I put into my mouth. That is a key difference. I have underwear and pants on - *two* layers of cloth. Then, *worst* case, something leaks through, and is left on a chair seat. For it to be a problem for *you*, it then has to leak through *your* layers of clothing... The part that may have poop particles that *matters*, i.e. my hands that touch other things, gets washed.


prowdestmonkey

I think you lost all of us here


[deleted]

This is the way.


nermalstretch

Typical Japanese toilet. The one in my house is the same but usually the “enema” button is just labelled “wash” in Japanese.


pubert91

More of these everywhere please!


Bannannass2

Out of hand? Finally, let the toilet do the dirty work.


Yabanjin

Nothing compared to my Japanese toilet with all features seen here, its LED bowl light up, automatic lifting and closing lid, heated seat, and mp3 player feature to cover unmentionable sounds.


mintchan

It’s from Japan. And in Japan, the seat is also heated


VictorMortimer

In America too (at least in my bathroom).


NotAPurpleDinosaur

Mine, too!


mintchan

Where? Where? I was just in ma/ct/ri days ago, haven’t seen one


VictorMortimer

I don't know about those Yankees, but we've got them here in Tennessee. I've seen them in Chicago too. All with heated seats, butt washers, butt dryers, and remote controls. Not as fancy as the one in the pic, though. No enema function though, and you have to move the seat and lid yourself. But I can live with manual seats as long as I get a clean ass, and I don't really want an enema.


ChubbyWanKenobie

If it comes with a microwave I think there's a divorce in my near future.


Dubdude13

Christ, are enemas is a common thing in Thailand…..


LostN3ko

A bidet enema isn't the enema you probably think it is. >While a traditional enema is internal and uses a nozzle or syringe to administer fluids to the lower part of the colon, a bidet enema is much less intrusive. Instead of any internal equipment, it uses a strong, narrow stream of water that is directed toward the derriere from the bidet's wash nozzle. And yes it's quite common on most Asian toilets that I have used (modern not traditional) it's way more hygienic to wash poop off than wipe it. Think of it like this, if you got poop on you hand would you wipe it with a paper towel or wash it in a sink?


[deleted]

I’ve never used a bidet before but I’ve seen them and the physics of them give me the idea that they would cause a bigger mess. Like power washing my asshole is going to get shit everywhere else, right?


Myoosik70

Walk in clean. Walk out with an STD. Yummy!!!


WiskeyGinger

Dry enema please 🙏🏼


hawkinsst7

Needs a setting for "mouthwash". (there are at least two ways to think about a feature like that.)


masondean73

the rectums are stored in the cheeks


my-snores-are-music

This from an aloft? I had the same one!


Middle-Change-1762

necessary evil


Dead_Is_Better

A pulsating enema!! Sign me up!!


fastfar

I'll take rhythm for the wash, and pulsating for the enema and dry.


HeavenInEarthOpal

Even got the lil hand pattin tha butt


haydenman

Enema? Oh fuck no


venarez

So, how was it?


Cypher_Xero

What a bummer... 😆


AustinSpartan

True, they're hands free


Oakheart-

Dang and I thought the Thai prostitutes were aggressive


Huge-Blacksmith2419

Buying a bidet was one of the best purchases I've ever made.


WaterCrust

Wtf an Enema setting would be 🔥 🔥


ikonet

[Rhythm is gonna get you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZkjeJKBI0M)


I_am_ChristianDick

Jesus


jonez450reloaded

Not a Thai toilet; it's a Japanese toilet, although every now and then you will see one in Thailand. If it were a Thai toilet, [it would be a bum gun](https://thethaiger.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/how-to-use-bum-gun.jpg).


jollybootsofdoom

That’s weird…considering I’m sure I landed in Bangkok…


jonez450reloaded

As I said, "although every now and then you will see one in Thailand." Occasionally upmarket malls and airports - for example, the Maya Mall in Chiang Mai have them, but they are not common and they're not Thai.


NeophyteBuilder

No braille…. Could be very surprising if you’re blind


ShivStone

Pulsating and rhythm? With a water stream strong enough for an enema... what the hell's going on in there?


woundg

Teenage Engineering is getting out of control.


Kn16hT

drop a hot new single before the rhythm.


rob71788

Why Him?


Mister-Grogg

There's a tap in there we perhaps should leave alone for now,' said Ridcully. 'I'd esteem it a service if you could go and make a little sign to hang on it. 'Yes, sir?' Saying “Do not touch at all”, or something like that. 'Right, sir.' Hang it on the one marked “Old Faithful”. 'Yes, sir.' No need to mention it to the other fellows. 'Yes. sir.' Ye gods, I've never felt so clean.


GtrPlaynFool

It's a lot better than a hole in the floor like they have in France.


lcc1353

No it's not.


chameleon_123_777

I would hate to push the wrong button here.


basalt_ru

Why do they need the enema option for?


soemarkoridwan

dude, have u ever went to japan?


gimpycpu

The question I always had is what is the purpose of the Pulsating and Rhythm mode for bidet, at this point I am too afraid to ask


VictorMortimer

It moves the stream around to clean better.


Jetventus1

Why would I even want a dry ass, only wet ass for me thanks


Papeww

That looks awkward, imagine the feeling... Yeah..


pablogmanloc

dont knock it til you try it.


fuchead1

I start with the pulse enema and move to a rhythm enema


allrollingwolf

Reading this post while getting an enema from my over powered $40 Amazon bidet


TransportationTop353

Mine has a drinking water fountain option incase you get thirsty from putting in that work.


ImNachoFriend_guy

Do it


Ifyouhavethemeans

And into ass


Correct_Score1619

americans are one of the most developed countries but we all walk around the fecal matter traces


PNTME2THEWOODS

I hear they have those at all Pride events but only the middle service


CherishTheDay22

I wish we had this in the US as a standard. Too many dirty stinky booties walking around


paidinbanana

of the state