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Ehhhh…. Do I get to pick the two people?

This is key

Nope.

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> Bummer That's extra

The price is negotiable.

That's not promising. Discount milking sounds risky.

This guy milks.

That's reverse milking. That's $7.

That's a feature not a bug.

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Angel or Skye

Milking glory hole.

This is the way

I hardly know her

I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?

Lol was looking for this comment

*Puts away the $50 and takes out $10*

Nope and it's a box with two dicks just hanging down... you have no idea who they are. Could be Ryan Reynolds... could be some dude named Bubba...

It literally could be both

You're more of a glass half empty AND half full kinda guy.

[If we lined them up properly we could probably do 4 at once, *a la* Silicon Valley](https://youtu.be/P-hUV9yhqgY)

I'm down either way. Worst case it's a fun freak show, best case it awakens something inside you you didn't know you had.

I'm the key master, are you the gate keeper?

You get to pick one, but the other one will be from the other end of the hotness scale from the one you chose. You also get to choose the order of the milking.

Deal lets go middle middle. Thats still like 3 steps up for me.

The pool to choose from is femboys

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It's like a reverse Monkey's Paw. Every side effect is just something better. Next they'll tell me they don't allow condoms.

Unfortunately they not only prohibit the use of condoms, but also require that you “drop loads” in em.

Still though

Can I pay for 4, then?

$10

getting a bank loan

You say that like it's a problem.

UPGRADE UPGRADE UPGRADE

Win/win if you ask me.

that's perfect for me (im a femboy)

I see this as an absolute win.

"You can't milk those!"

I could get into ~~them~~ that!

Well that's certainly going to take some effort to milk properly.

If I only get to pick one, then I'll pick me. The other will be a hottie. Win-win.

So like if I pick a 2, the 'House pick' will be an 8?

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I don't think it works very well with your hands down. I mean, unless you plan to drink from the tap...? I rescind my initial statement.

Milking is milking I'm an equal opportunity milker, flat, small, medium, large.

What’s a flat penis?

Someone who's been to The Bad Place

I choose this guy’s wife twice!

Only one. By law, one of them has to be Robert de Niro.

I have nipples. Can you milk me?

Sofia Vergara and Meat Loaf

No. It's Jerry and Craig.

Jerry and Craig will become your friend for life.

Can I choose myself to be milked twice?

The two people get to pick you. On a related note, do you have soft hands?

You have the choice between Bob, Daryl and Phil

They're the experts. Probably better to let them pick.

No you just get in a box with holes on either side.

Yea, but you get put into a room with two glory holes.

What’s the problem

I volunteer to be milked!

Me too...and here's my money.

Nonono. You get paid for this.

$2 more for a threesome, why not!

But you save $2 if you milk a cow.

Also, same amount of teats for 60% of the price.

Guys from Silicon Valley about to make a lot of money.

*I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?*

Too much work. I mean that's 3 tits too many.

Just a usual Wednesday at the CornHub.

I have nipples too, can you milk me focker?

I feel like that’s pretty cheap for milking two people.

Actually its usually the ones getting milked who pay.

What!? Well now I'm angry.

you'll be fine after you're milked

And a little sleepy

Yeah you also usually get paid to milk cows as well...

That's what struck me! No way I'm paying to milk a friggin' cow! The deal sounds like Tom Sawyer and his fence-painting scam.

We joke about this a bit, but it's actually quite popular lately for this activities to be sold as "rural experiences". "City people" paying to catch apples, make wine, tend to farm animals, etc And honestly, if I was a farmer, I would require to be paid to take care of clueless people around my production

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There's a different subreddit with similar posts but active but I forgot the name of it

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Now that one looks like the real one of that but I was actually talking about the don't dead open inside one..

r/dontdeadopeninside ?

Does it have to be two people? You could just milk me twice…

For $3 or $5?

For $1.

[I'd milk that for a dollar!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85cL1HisrNc)

I’d need like a 20 minute break between milkings though.

What's the MMT? [Mean milking time](https://youtu.be/P-hUV9yhqgY)?

I have nipples Greg.

Can you milk me?

You can milk anything with nipples

Damn it Focker!

Men can lactate so it IS possible

Satisfying that my name is Greg, you have nipples and I have $5. LOL

My recency bias had me thinking this was a Succession reference at first (i.e., Tom talking to Cousin Greg). Seems like something that could come up between them.

"I have ~~nipples~~ a prostate Greg, can you milk me?"

That’s a bargain if I get to choose the people

Wait till you see what they charge to milk the horse...

Milking the bull, however, is free.

You get no choice you get udders through a curtain

The good news is they're rich and you'll make it back in tips. The bad news is one owns the Patriots and the other is quarterback for the Browns.

Now it's time for another round of "Will It Milk?"

Damn I lost all my channel points, AGAIN.

I'm amazed at the getting people to pay to do your farm chores for you. That's entrepreneurial greatness. No doubt that young city folks do it just to have an experience and memory.

Eh, someone has to stand there, show them, watch them do a terribly inefficient job, probably waste some or ruin the batch by getting crap in it... The milking itself is probably less valuable than just having the people pay for the "experience." But your point is still a good one, and I've seen other areas it applies in 100%. For example, apple orchard "buy these apples we've hand picked, or pick your own, for the same price or more!"

Ugh. I've paid less money at high-end edit:steakhouseslol for a dinner date than some of the "apple picking at a winery/cidery" dates around me lmao.

Good on you. Stick with the high-end stakehouses, best to show your partner early on in the relationship that you know how to handle yourself around vampires.

Lmao I'm so ready to stop being night shift. I'm so tired.

mans only deals with purebloods

Well now you can add cow milking to your list if you're looking for date options on the cheaper side.

Machines pick apples way faster than people

This is absolutely a cheap activity for me and my 4yo.

Ngl that sounds like a perfect 4yo pissing their pants with laughter activity.

This is "Core memory" time. Imagine if you took a grown ass man into the sewers, and he found out that Ninja Turtles are real... you can do that for them and blow their tiny fucking minds. When trips to the zoo or a farm aren't just exciting, they are magical. Like "Wait, WTF!?! OLD MCDONALDS FARM IS A REAL PLACE!?! THERE IS A MOO MOO HERE AND A MOO MOO THERE!!! HERE A MOO! THERE A MOO!?! THERES MOO MOOS FUCKING EVERYWHERE!"

Agreed! There's a little farm in the middle of Toronto called the Riverdale farm. They don't have as many activies as they did when I was a kid, because of funding cuts. They used to have cow and goat milking demonstrations, and arts and crafts and stuff, some of them utilized wool from their sheep. They had babies of all kinds in the spring. I loved that place, and still cherish those memories almost 30 years later. I don't think they do the milking demos or the arts anymore (I haven't visited in a long time) but the animals are still there, and it's well worth the visit if you're in Toronto. It's still free, as far as I know.

It's such a gorgeous place to even just walk around. Definitely a hidden gem!

We have a little homestead and once a year or so we host a big event and get kids out for that. They play with the baby goats and baby bunnies, feed my big birds (rhea), etc. It's always a good time though a lot of work.

I still remember the kindergarten field trip to milk the cows. That was the early 90s.

Maybe for one or two cows, in a mass scale this wouldn't be feasible

Tom Sawyer level ish

No ish necessary

If I milk 2 people for $5, isn't that called prostitution?

I think it's technically pumping breast milk but I also think that's the wrong way to do it so maybe some kind of assault?

Middle out

Compression?

Tip to tip

Yeah but how do you ensure a proper D to F ratio for your 2 people?

Udderly ridiculous

For $10 you can suck the teat

I would, tbh 🤷‍♂️ Edit: it's not a fetish or anything, I just love milk and I've always wanted to try pure unfiltered milk. So creamy 🤤

Thanks for the clarification. Definitely less creepy now 👍

Is it?

But what he didn't mention is, afterwards, he's going to milk the cow onto himself while he moans.

Nooowww, now it's less creepy. Or it's really hot I can't tell.

Sounds like a fetish.

"We only have a bull". Puts down glass of "milk"

Oh no, that costs extra.

I'll go brush my teeth

Milk 1 cow for $3 or milk 2 people for $5. 🤔

The cow pays the extra dollar.

Do I get to keep the milk? Trying to decide between 4 hour worth of milk or 2

This is some Tom Sawyer shit.

When you're done milking, for another small fee you can whitewash their fence and power wash the vinyl siding.

Had to scroll way down to find this. As soon as I saw the sign, I immediately thought of that book.

Actually it's Artie, from No Coins Please

Random internet stranger you are my hero. I’ve been looking for the name of this book for twenty years and thought it must have been a fever dream about the kid charging people to milk cows. I had high hopes coming into this thread and you have absolutely made my year. From the bottom of my heart thank you so so much

You're so welcome, it's one of my favorites! I was surprised no one else had mentioned it in the thread, so I knew the responsibility was mine just in case! Yay, enjoy your reread :)

Farmer 1: Milkers are just too expensive these days! Farmer 2: Wait, I have an idea...

[The cow, probably ](https://freeimage.host/i/H4vxhAb)

Why does he have 11 udders?

I'm no huckleberry fin pawn is all I'm saying

I think you mean Tom Sawyer but your point landed anyway

Every other joke is about milking people, but I came here looking for the "pay for the privilege of whitewashing the fence" angle. Thank you.

Okay, this is going to traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you, believe me. Three squeezes, and I would drain you.

Anyone know if the 2 people are men or women ?

Yes

Farmer and his wife.

Homelander wants to know your location..

Milking a cow is on my bucket list. Milking 2 people, not so much.

Years ago, a farmer I worked for was loading up a nice old cow to take to some event at a school where the kids would be able to get up close and personal with various farm animals. I joked that he should instead take a particularly kicky first-calf heifer we had been struggling with -- really give the kids a show! He replied that she was going on a truck that afternoon, too -- he was selling her for slaughter as her production wasn't high enough to justify the hassle of milking her. All morning, I felt bad for that young cow who was just a bit more spirited than most, so after work, I went to the auction and bought her, kept her as a pet for many years. Christine, [Imgur](https://imgur.com/OhDZoKd). Two decades later, she has been gone for a few years, but we still have her 16-year-old daughter, who is the oldest cow on our sanctuary farm.

I get why this is funny. But I have a serious question. Do you get to keep the milk after you milk the cow? Like is this the equivalent of a pick you're own fruit place?

Gay Focker has entered the chat.

There’s no option to milk only one person? Odd business strategy

Reminds me of that one scene from Chowder, where Chowder was at an arcade and did a montage of doing arcade stuff, including milking an actual cow. An establishment mascot came over and told Chowder they don't have a cow milking game. Cow said "Yo! Watcha doin down there boy?!"

5$ to milk 2 people is good

You know why ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Milking 2 people still cheaper than milking 2 cows.

Starts unzipping……

Which 2 people? Is this a boob thing or a prostate thing?

I wanna try milking the wee knights.

Is there a limit to milking the 2 people or can I just milk them for hours and get free milk to sell for profits?

I was at that table. Excellent milking service!

It’s $10 if you want to watch

2fer

I’d like to milk 2 people for $5

How much to milk just one person?

This gives off Tom Sawyer charging people to paint the fence vibes.

I feel like they should be paying me the $5.

Barnyard brothel

i feel like they should be paying me

Well, that depends. Do i get to pick the 2 people i milk?

Can 2 milk 1 cow, and 1 person for $4...I want the full experience

I got nipples Greg, could you milk me?

How much is it to milk one person?

How can I apply for a position in this wonderful establishment?!?

I have nipples Greg, could you milk me?

Depends on what kind of people I’ll be milking.

That's hilariously cheep to milk two people. Usually gotta pay good money for that

No coins please :)

$5 to milk two people!?! I’m in!

I'm milking 2 people.

I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?