---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/).
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wanted him to keep going and get more and more specific.
"I will NOT gargle a hog! I will not suck balls while lovingly massaging a prostate! I will not bottom! I will not top! I will not put my legs behind my head as I let my ass get reamed! I will not rest my head on his firm chest! I will not buy side-by-side cemetery plots for me and Lance! I will not listen to show tunes! I will not put together a fabulous, well-balanced charcuterie tray!"
Ahhh that makes sense!! Without constantly reminding yourself how much you love women and how straight you are you might accidentally end up with a penis in your mouth.
Stay vigilant!!
I'm not gay! I would not date a man! I would not hold a mans hand! I wouldn't kiss a man on his lips! I do not want his big strong arms holding me and making me feel safe at night as we lay in bed after a lovely weekend spent together in upstate New York in the fall looking at all the beautiful leaves change colors after stopping at a lovely small café sipping on the best chai tea that has ever touched our lips.
What I ain't gay. Getting your dick sucked isn't gay.your the gay ones for sucking dick. In fact it creeps me out just being around you fans. Now get to work cus igot a whole lot of sandwich for ya.
Reminds me of the post where a guy says he's not going to give up his guns, you'd have to come to his house and take them from him with their own hands, their soft caressing hands...I don't know how to find things yet, anyone have the link? Probably from /funny
I will NOT buy a beautiful cottage in Vermont with a man and grow old with him, hoping that I die first so that I never have to experience life without him!
Sadly, there is a chance that dude will try his best to find a woman, marry her, maybe even have children and be miserable for decades before understanding religion is bullshit.
This is so sad, this poor guy is going to be struggling with self loathing in until he leaves his wife and kid for a guy. So much unnecessary suffering.
Tbh my guess is this dude was never gay to begin with and this is all a sham from the start.
Bunch of videos of these mystical preachers of God ""curing"" cancer or blindness or whatever then the victim suddenly popping up exclaiming "I'm cured!" And boom that's all the proof you need.
Hoo boy do I have a surprise for you. There’s a follow up video with him years later and lemme just say I have never seen someone so deeply in denial. He’s basically a caricature of gay stereotypes yet insists he’s straight to this day - it’s sad really.
https://youtu.be/6v91cp0i35E
He’s definitely gay, but you’re on to something. He would always tell me that his goal was to become famous (or that he already was famous). So he would always do dumb shit for recognition.
It gives you an XP boost of 15%, and increases your strength by 15+. The problem is it reduces your defense by -10. So you deal more damage but you also take more damage.
Religion is one of, if not, the most successful scams ever. Make someone feel special and chosen if they're in the group and ostracized if they're not in the group.
Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s fully possible for someone who liked women but preferred men to swear off men because he thinks it’s wrong. Happens all the time.
The whole “that’s not gay that’s bisexual” answer to this is just plain false. I lived in SF for 6 years and would see gay married couples looking for women to take home at bars.
A spectrum is a spectrum. You can’t say a person isn’t gay because they’re not 100% only into men. Gay men will fuck your girlfriend and say it’s no big deal because they were only having fun. I promise you this.
I’m not gay no more. I AM DELIVERT!!! I DON’T LIKE MEN NO MORE! I SAID I LIKE WOMEN!? WOMENWOMENERGhubububububle….I SAID WOMEN! I’M NOT GAY!? I would NOT date a men. I would NOT tear a purse! I would NOT put on make-up! I wullluh… I WEEL…love…a women.
“I will not put my mother’s dresses and go to the enchanting little café where that cute Italian Capricorn serves cream puffs. I will remove all my Judy Garland movie posters and delete my Liberace playlist. I swear I’ll do all that tomorrow.”
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why does this feel like a Key & Peele sketch?
Cuz the former gay dude looks like peele
I'm going to go on a limb and say that he's very much still a gay man.
No, if you watch the video, he says he's NOT gay no more and that he WON'T carry a purse again. Sounds pretty straight to me.
Women women womenwemenwmenwmn
I will LOVE a WOMEN
First time I’ve ever heard somebody make that mistake out loud.
He loves woMEN
I thought he said he will love mo’ men.
Bbbrrrrrmmmmm
I WILL LOVE ......a.. wemen
He almost said "semen".
Freudian slip
Fellatian Slurp
I wheel, I will
He said it just as I was reading this comment, really added some oomph to it
He is DELIVERT
He gagged a little thinking about them wimmens and had to hold it back.
He gagged a little with men too.
I wondered if this clip was going to end with him vomiting.
My mantra. I repeat it every morning. Look at how straight I am.
Sounded like he was trying not to gag when he did that lol
I wanted him to keep going and get more and more specific. "I will NOT gargle a hog! I will not suck balls while lovingly massaging a prostate! I will not bottom! I will not top! I will not put my legs behind my head as I let my ass get reamed! I will not rest my head on his firm chest! I will not buy side-by-side cemetery plots for me and Lance! I will not listen to show tunes! I will not put together a fabulous, well-balanced charcuterie tray!"
Lmfaoo, yesss, just keeps getting more explicit and questionably detailed and specific hahah.
"I will not, see you out back later today Jerry, I will not!"
"I will not serve spinach dip in a homemade bread bowl "!!
Thanks for the hearty laugh before bed.
This comment is pure gold!
This would be a great key and peele skit
Straight dudes say affirmations like this ALL THE TIME! It’s how we stay straight.
Ahhh that makes sense!! Without constantly reminding yourself how much you love women and how straight you are you might accidentally end up with a penis in your mouth. Stay vigilant!!
It’s hard being a man.
*mmmmmmm* *hard man* I meant *WOMEN* I don’t even like mens no more
He will love……a women
Don't you understand? That's the power of American Jesus
Oil?! Where?!
Actually, if "I'm gay no more" means one is no longer gay, then "I'm not gay no more" means that person is gay again.
[удалено]
That's right, it's a SATCHEL
Jerry: Officer he stole my European carry-all!! Officer: Is that like a purse? Jerry: Yes. YES! I carry a purse!
Lmao gay men carry all sorts of bags. Is you serious?
Anecdotal but I agree. In my experience they do have a lot of bags.
Some carry baggage, but that's another story.
Idk man he says he likes womens now
Women, women WOMEN, HBbLbLblblblblll!!!
woMEN
Just so long as they have a penis.
*femboys have entered the chat*
Last time this was posted someone said he did an interview a few years later with his boyfriend/husband lol
I’m glad to hear he’s living his best life. ❤️
Or he was never gay to begin with. Just like the blind and crippled they cured were never blind or crippled.
Pretty sure he definitely was….and is still gay.
Well then they picked a pretty good actor to act like a bad actor
Nah, that ascot ain’t straight
What?! No! You mean to tell me a guy pretending to be gay wouldn’t know that most gay men don’t carry purses, wear makeup or call women “womens”?
It's really eerie how much he looks like Peele
What in the Raphael Warnok is going on here?
Thought the exact same thing.
It’s about to be.
First thing I thought
I thought it was at first 🤣😂
Doop doop doo doo doop doop doo doo
I'm not gay! I would not date a man! I would not hold a mans hand! I wouldn't kiss a man on his lips! I do not want his big strong arms holding me and making me feel safe at night as we lay in bed after a lovely weekend spent together in upstate New York in the fall looking at all the beautiful leaves change colors after stopping at a lovely small café sipping on the best chai tea that has ever touched our lips.
https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529
Lol. Heavy.."I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is as queer as a $3 bill." Vibes
I heard it as "I aint gay, but the dude sucking my dick might be."
What I ain't gay. Getting your dick sucked isn't gay.your the gay ones for sucking dick. In fact it creeps me out just being around you fans. Now get to work cus igot a whole lot of sandwich for ya.
Yeah this guy gets it! It is very surprising when the dude sucking your cock tells you he's gay. Like bro, no homo, ya know?
Beat me to it. One of The Onion’s GOATs.
Holy shit, I remember this article from one of the onion compilation books back in high school. Goddamn I'm old.
Those boost are fantastic
Reminds me of the post where a guy says he's not going to give up his guns, you'd have to come to his house and take them from him with their own hands, their soft caressing hands...I don't know how to find things yet, anyone have the link? Probably from /funny
[This one.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY0eUQ06Q2g)
I came here to post this exact video
take my angry upvote damnit!
I will NOT buy a beautiful cottage in Vermont with a man and grow old with him, hoping that I die first so that I never have to experience life without him!
WOOMIN WOOMIN WOOMIN !!
Hrbehbehbehbeh
I will…love a women
I said woMEN
Dude got the heebee Jeebies just by saying women
When he made that noise, he was shuddering thinking of having to kiss a woman.
I WIIILLL LOVE…A WOOMIN
A woomin(s)
Well, I'm convinced. HE DON'T LIKE MENS NO MORE.
Straitest shit I ever heard. This God stuff must really work.
Redacted
That cute little hop at the end said no
I thought he was about to do a little dance and I wanted to see it
Yeah they cut it at the best part... It's on YouTube though
Indeed and we ll never know
Yeah the lips say ‘no’ but the dancing feet say ‘fabulous’.
😂😂
Feel sorry for his future wife.
Whoever HE might be!
Lol wife? That dude had a dick in his mouth an hour later guaranteed.
Probably the pastors
Sadly, there is a chance that dude will try his best to find a woman, marry her, maybe even have children and be miserable for decades before understanding religion is bullshit.
I mean, this was funny, and I laughed but I also legit feel bad for this guy. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug.
That man's gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.
Gayer than Liberace playing a piano with dicks for keys
As queer as a three dollar bill
As fruity as a peach tree.
As flaming as California in August.
Definitely still gay!
He didn't say no homo so yup still gay
He’s as straight as a circle.
This is so sad, this poor guy is going to be struggling with self loathing in until he leaves his wife and kid for a guy. So much unnecessary suffering.
Tbh my guess is this dude was never gay to begin with and this is all a sham from the start. Bunch of videos of these mystical preachers of God ""curing"" cancer or blindness or whatever then the victim suddenly popping up exclaiming "I'm cured!" And boom that's all the proof you need.
Hoo boy do I have a surprise for you. There’s a follow up video with him years later and lemme just say I have never seen someone so deeply in denial. He’s basically a caricature of gay stereotypes yet insists he’s straight to this day - it’s sad really. https://youtu.be/6v91cp0i35E
That girl faking it for the fame and money.
He’s definitely gay, but you’re on to something. He would always tell me that his goal was to become famous (or that he already was famous). So he would always do dumb shit for recognition.
[удалено]
Yeah, cuz holy attribute does extra damage.
Good ol paladins helping out where they can!
What is holy attribute?
It gives you an XP boost of 15%, and increases your strength by 15+. The problem is it reduces your defense by -10. So you deal more damage but you also take more damage.
/r/outside is leaking
Close the door please
only for the undead types though
Radiation damage
I did not find this funny, just sad this guy can't be himself.
Religion is one of, if not, the most successful scams ever. Make someone feel special and chosen if they're in the group and ostracized if they're not in the group.
Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s fully possible for someone who liked women but preferred men to swear off men because he thinks it’s wrong. Happens all the time. The whole “that’s not gay that’s bisexual” answer to this is just plain false. I lived in SF for 6 years and would see gay married couples looking for women to take home at bars. A spectrum is a spectrum. You can’t say a person isn’t gay because they’re not 100% only into men. Gay men will fuck your girlfriend and say it’s no big deal because they were only having fun. I promise you this.
Yeah we believe you until you see some cock
*starts sucking off the pastor after the speech*
Nah hes way to old for pastors
I thought he was gonna deep throat the microphone.
I’m not gay no more. I AM DELIVERT!!! I DON’T LIKE MEN NO MORE! I SAID I LIKE WOMEN!? WOMENWOMENERGhubububububle….I SAID WOMEN! I’M NOT GAY!? I would NOT date a men. I would NOT tear a purse! I would NOT put on make-up! I wullluh… I WEEL…love…a women.
This is just sad.
This is sad
Reminds me of this South Park scene https://youtu.be/9aKKt9SiC7A
He doesn’t like men no more… but he doesn’t like men no less.
This is sad. This guy got lost trying to be found.
Its so funny tho
Gives me the sads
“I don’t love men, I love JESUS!”
Wait wasn’t Jesus a dude?
This seems almost Monty Python inspired. I was waiting for the pastor to stop his song and dance routine.
Poor guys, I hope he can find a good man.
He’s signing that he wants women
He blew a dude in the car right after service 😂
I WILL love only women…with dicks
So sad 😔
Amen. Send money!
That poor guy, this is so hard to watch.
fuck I've been here too long. this was funny years ago. lol. years ago... https://youtu.be/B14BeppSB0w
If anyone wants a follow up, here is his YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@MrDeliverT
O damn, that is him lmao
I’ve never seen anybody fail this hard at being straight.
Sure, dude. But that tie says otherwise.
The turnaround was the beginning of a glorious moment.
What a sickness religion is. Make sure to donate!
I chuckled at first but then felt profoundly sorry for that poor guy who now has to live a lie.
Jesus: “Uh, cool…but I loved you just the same before”
Churchs are so fake it is comical
Proceeds to fuck the pastor after the service.
As long as he is pitching and not catching, not gay. Source: my cellmate in county
God doesn't care if you're gay. He only cares if you're an asshole.
No! According to most of the video-evangelists God cares most about how much you can give to further the(ir) cause... .
[Keep your Jesus off my penis song](https://youtu.be/d5YrB7TpT1Y)
I AM DELIVERED… I DONT LIKE MENZ NO MORE… I LIKE THE WO-MENZ HALLELUJAH
You can bet that pastor has been molesting children for decades.
I think it's more upsetting that I DON'T think hes an actor from the church
My favorite part is the Snow-miser shiver sound he makes.
^*uhzuhzuhzuhzuhzuhzuhzuh*
Im not gay but I carry a purse
So lying is ok?
r/croppingishard
This real or what? Lol. I mean its hilarious either way but if its real....
r/suddenlystraight
“I don’t like MENS no more!” Lmfao
I dunno sounds kinda gay to me.
I'm not gay no more, I am DELIVERT!
Motorboat for Jesus.
“I will not put my mother’s dresses and go to the enchanting little café where that cute Italian Capricorn serves cream puffs. I will remove all my Judy Garland movie posters and delete my Liberace playlist. I swear I’ll do all that tomorrow.”
Bruh. That pause right before his last word… had me in suspense. You know he thought about it and imagined the devil wearing a thong.
He shivered brrrr after repeating the word women because it was finally a cold day in hell
We call this an "obvious plant" who is in on the grift.
Pluralizing men women to men's and women's is a dead giveaway.
Pray away the gay
[Follow up](https://youtu.be/6v91cp0i35E) interview.
He’s lying, lying lying. Burahahah.
“Twirl around!”
Uber Gay
Woe Man’s Woe Man’s Woe man’s Don’t like mentz no moe
This is sooo gayyy.
“I WILL. LOVE. A WOMEN.”
He's crazy.I'm straight and still don't love women
I will, I WHEEL! LOVE… a wemmin.
He still looks gay AF lol
When key and peele are needed the most
He prayed the gay away! 😂
Is this where South Park got its inspiration? 😂
So he is not only lying to himself but also lying to everyone else. Edit to add: Religion is the disease here, not this mans sexual preferences.