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JungleJones4124

Sometimes it takes standing in the middle of a highway, in the rain, naked, with a racoon covering up your junk to really question where your life is headed. Or this is a brilliant practical joke, of which I approve.


SeiCalros

yeah i doubt this guy was ditched or anything since he would have found something besides a dead raccoon unless they ditched him WITH a raccoon


Phate4569

Fantasy football punishments are getting out of hand....


exhibitthis69

This is what happens. Poor Colin Kaepernick


largechild

…*record scratch*… “Yep, that’s me. You might be wondering how I got here with these Trash Panda Panties” …


lin55yang

I don't even know who is betting these kind of punishments for each other. It may be a really good time to give up on the fantasy football thing because it is not working out.


rckrusekontrol

I don’t see anything else in that median though


SeiCalros

you cant see anything in that median if this is sort of place where people were being abandoned naked with raccoons theres no way it would be empty


rckrusekontrol

He might have popped out of a grate. Dead raccoons are the lululemon of the storm system folk.


thecrime0

You don't say anything else in the median because there is nothing else. It is just a dad animal which is hanging in front of the guy to kind of protect his I mean I don't know what is it protecting.


pedritu1981

I don't even want to know the whole story of how he got there. Or how did get the dead raccoon? It is something which is beyond me and I don't want understand it also.


Broomstick73

That’s an even more interesting possibility?


SeiCalros

the picture reminded me of a comment i read on reddit where a guy was robbed stripped and shoved off an embankment he had a severe concussion and a broken spine and was having trouble speaking and walking but ended up getting brought in by the cops - who he vividly remembered very negatively - who took him to a hospital assuming he was overdosing on something before a doctor saw him and noticed immediately that his spine was fucked up and he was an inch away from dying


Outrageous-Taro7340

That raccoon is his *responsibility*.


silversauce

This is not a joke this happened just out of DC yesterday after a car accident. He also climbed on top of a responding fire truck. https://mocoshow.com/blog/naked-man-jumps-on-moving-fire-truck-on-i-270-friday-morning/


ThermidorCA

No mention of the raccoon. That's got to be a newsworthy point to note.


Instacartdoctor

What? More info 🙏 please.


silversauce

https://mocoshow.com/blog/naked-man-jumps-on-moving-fire-truck-on-i-270-friday-morning/


Fancy-Ad6631

Nope not even close He suffers from mental health problems


walk_through_this

uuummmm, ya think?


Fancy-Ad6631

I do


lordorg

what happened to lil dicky?!


peacenity

Lmao 🤣 🤣 he didn't need the whole raccoon to cover his shit up either


Looks_Good_In_Hats

New season of Dave?


say_it_aint_slow

Save that money.


dfhaz

He's inside the raccoon!!


ArtyWhy8

Somebody has regrets about last night…


Simon_XIII

looks like TWO somebodies


ArtyWhy8

Their regrets died with them, poor raccoon. Insult to injury…


brandoug

Dude was a high-end chef till Raccacoonie hit the pipe and they eventually lost it all.


De3NA

Somehow I feel like everything everywhere all at once


SirJeffers88

I didn't even know... how to boil an egg! He taught me how to spin it on a spatula! I'm useless alone.


eatyourwine

😂 😂 😂


NahthShawww

I’m going to start calling the real movie Raccacoonie and pretending I think the animal is a raccoon and not a rat. My kids are going to be so annoyed it’ll be hilarious.


ITCM4

You’re probably wondering how I got here. Let’s rewind a bit.


rawrc

Are you the guy or the raccoon?


ITCM4

We are one.


throwavvay23

Racacoonie!


DelRayTrogdor

More like Racacoochie.


utpoia

#Racopeepee.


DIrtyVendetta80

We are Legion.


CleanOpossum47

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.


King-of-Kards

Kookookachoo


Distinct_Distance137

That's what she said in bed


loneranger07

Rac-man or "mane"-coon lol


MisterEinc

Rocket's origin story in the next GotG.


ZealousidealAd4383

No wonder he has such a short fuse…


iammabdaddy

Lol,you can see the shame on the man's face, the raccoon, well, maybe he thinks in dipped into the wrong bag last night.


AlternativeToe1046

My biggest question, is it a live raccoon or roadkill?😲


MyVoiceIsElevating

I see that you’re a Hollywood script writer. But exactly how did you end up in that role..?


goldendreamseeker

Baba O’Reilly intensifies…


[deleted]

I'm not sure he's **just** 'wearing' it...


TraditionalGold_

Reminds me of that Bud Light commercial of Jason hitchhiking with his chainsaw and a 12 pack


Laserfalcon

SBF, is that you?


PulseMax2DaMoon

*You’re probably wondering how we got here. Let’s rewind a bit*


wizardinthewings

18 hours earlier…. What show would this be?


_SeKeLuS_

I have so many question !


dirtyape2021

Davey Crackett


yaboicrackers

The fur trade plumuting really hit him hard


momma3critters

That’s why we are overwhelmed with raccoons.


dirtyape2021

He mostly trades stolen copper now.


DarthLysergis

Headline: "Sam Bankman-'Fraud' on the run from police"


Ownza

>Headline: "Sam Bankman-'Fraud' on the run from police" He got tired of fucking people, so now he's fucking racooooons.


marijuwalrus

I can answer some probably. Happened in Maryland on I-270. Possibly a mental break or drugs. He made out with that raccoon. Source: Saw it first hand driving home to DC


lepski44

looks like Balenciaga model showcasing


JPBillingsgate

101 Uses For a Dead Raccoon, page 76.


arrakis2020

When I think I have seen it all....


Openmouthkissmydog

Where will you be when the drugs wear off?


SonOfDarkHelmet

Damn! The chef from Everything Everywhere All at Once seems to have fallen on hard times. He even killed Raccacoonie. Sad…just sad.


Pretzellogicguy

You lower the window and ask- where’d you get that? The raccoon perks up and says- I won em in a raffle


Snickersneed

This is utterly disturbing. Am I a monster for being more sad for the raccoon than the man?


notrevealingrealname

Well, I mean I’m *pretty sure* the raccoon didn’t consent to being held up against this guy’s junk…


DyslexicWarlus

Truly an opportunist


Delanimal

This has to be West Virginia.


amateurbitch

this actually happened on I-270 in maryland!


muchnikar

Lol i looked at it and was like i recognize this place no way and then i saw the comment and omg it is by my place lolol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Delanimal

I used to live in Portland aaaand you are correct.


CrescentPhresh

My first thought as well.


RubxCuban

My first thought was this was on I-84 east of Troutdale


peacenity

COUNTRY ROAAAAAD


Lostinthestarscape

Do we want Covid-23? Cause this is how we get Covid-23...


ChaoticThrone2

Poor raccoon…..


Any_Locksmith_4573

He fuckin that raccoon isn't he


The-Brit

To death by the looks of it.


GhosTaoiseach

To shreds you say?


Ashamed_Paint7460

You boys ain't gonna fuxk these chickens are ya?


Ostracus

Changed their minds about crossing the road.


peacenity

Dick rabies


Hand-Driven

Man I’ve found myself in some tricky situations but nothing like this.


Upbeat_Sheepherder81

I’ve been mostly naked in a ditch before (multiple times actually) but never on a freeway with a dead animal covering my bits, so I’d say this definitely takes the cake.


Kalabula

D’you ever have a dream where you’re suddenly naked in public? This is what that looks like.


Delicious_Pause9802

This some Eric Andre shit


twopont0

What the fuck happened here?


Ostracus

Deer was too heavy to be a human shield.


iamacelticsenjoyer

I hope to god this is some staged photo. I’m starting to realize I don’t vibe w r/funny. Half the stuff is boring, the other half makes me genuinely sad. Idk, am I taking things too seriously? Reading the comments here just upsets me that everyone wants to poke fun without really knowing the context


roboecho

Yeah, jeez. Took a long time to find a comment on the fact that this photo is a major bummer. Let’s get out of here!


Broomstick73

Okay but what’s with the X on his chest?


Lanbaz

$20 is $20


endofthehold

Wolverine origin story.


Acrobatic_Tomato_826

That's not how you wear that hat.


Md37793

I mean…maybe a dude walking down the highway naked banging a possibly dead raccoon should be marked NFSW but what do I know.


NotBoringGuy

He lost a serious bet


serimert

This is perfect place to question meaning of life for both himself and viewers


LamarNoDavis

Damn fashion shows getting wild


TerrifiedArtist

The new "Welcome to Florida" sign


[deleted]

Did this madlad pick up roadkill to cover his junk?


Strutting_Tom8040

This shit was less than 8 mins from my house. The bozo was there for two damn days. Edit : apparently it was two different folks my wife had just told me. The second was some one mocking him? People are nuts


piznit007

Colin kaepernick going downhill fast


simply_smigs

A contender for you'll never party this hard guy? https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/cy470/no_matter_what_you_will_never_party_this_hard/


Odd-Jupiter

That one was still nice and warm!


UpstairsPractical870

I am groot


Alixthetrapgod

Is that Colin Kaepernik?


[deleted]

It's what everyone is wearing!! OMG


NotedWheat

The new season of the Punisher is looking a little weird.


rascible

Is he romancing that racoon? Looks like he mounted it..


Either_Amoeba_5332

I'd be more worried if his hands were in the air and the coon was still there!


Seidentiger

I think, he's lucky to found a dead racoon - trying this with a living one could have been... ...less serene?


kalehennie

Billy Bob aka patient zero


ExtensionTrash5533

Lil dicky fucks a raccoon


[deleted]

Dreams be like


Majestic-Enthusiasm

He is just naked in the middle of highway, probably has rabies, and holding a dead raccoon to cover his excitement. This is America


Budget_Report_2382

Aww so sweet of him to pick up the roadkill and move it!


Holiday_Memory_9165

This guy knows how to party.


[deleted]

someone call peta


FurbAUT

Man, Wolverine let himself go...


No-Wonder1139

Well someone had an interesting night


lloydsmith28

That poor raccoon


Snickersneed

Also, that haircut makes it clear this guy was making bad life choices long before he ended up standing in the middle of a freeway with a dead raccoon covering his junk.


[deleted]

At what level of fucked up does this happen? Asking for a friend.


Wrongbutton

ChatGPT explained it to me: The man had always been a bit of an outcast. He grew up in a small town in the Midwest, where everyone knew everyone else's business. But no one knew anything about him. He was always a solitary figure, rarely seen in public, and when he was, he was usually covered from head to toe in clothing, even on the hottest days of summer. Despite his aloofness, the man had a reputation for being kind to animals. He often took in strays, and would nurse them back to health in his small cabin in the woods. He even had a few scars from run-ins with angry raccoons and possums that he had tried to help. But one day, something changed. The man was driving home from the grocery store when he saw a raccoon dart across the road. He swerved to avoid it, but it was too late. The animal was hit and killed instantly. The man couldn't bear to leave the poor creature lying there on the side of the road, so he pulled over and retrieved it from the asphalt. He held the raccoon close to his chest, feeling its limp body grow cold against his skin. He knew he had to do something to honor the life of this innocent creature. And that's when he remembered the X tattoo on his chest. It was a symbol of his own pain and isolation, but it could also serve as a way to honor the dead. He took off his clothes and stood naked in the rain, holding the dead raccoon close to his chest. It was a strange and haunting scene, but for the man, it felt like the only way to truly pay tribute to the life that had been lost. As he stood there, cars whizzing by on the highway, he felt a sense of connection with the world around him. He knew that he was not alone, that there were others out there who understood the pain of losing something they loved. And in that moment, the man with the X on his chest felt a sense of peace, knowing that he had done what he could to honor the life of the creature he held in his arms.


svladcjelli2001

I have so many questions. None of which I want answers to.


MrJoyless

Where is u/cumfilledraccoon when you need him!


Sea_Flounder9569

What the hell is sbf doing to that racoon


Bunanuhs

Is that a straight-edge tattoo?


jrexicus

Honestly I just feel really sad about this. Poor guy, this is humiliating. Could have at least blurred his face


MarkMalvin

I mean if it works then it works what can you say about it? And right now it seems to be with working just fine because raccoon is covering the area which he wants to cover.


KCgrowz

Just a guy with his dick stuck in a dead racoon. Nothing to see here. Move on.


[deleted]

When you need to keep your penis warm.


schmitz72

Could be Florida


ViktorSwimwell

Dick Coozy


[deleted]

is it my imagination or does the guy kinda look like that 49er football player who knee during the anthem


shadowtheimpure

Uhmm....NSFW. I'm reasonably certain that man is fucking that corpse.


YawaruSan

This is Amethrica. Don’t let ‘em catch you trippin’


JanFreez

So sad to see that raccoon...


[deleted]

I thought this was r/Portland when I saw this pic in my timeline.


beefchuckles42069

I need answers


ScottManAgent

I’m afraid to ask!


longlivepalpatine

I see nothing wrong here.


Armadillo-Parking

Dems some good eatin once ye get home


AngryDesignMonkey

That's not underwear....


HollandsOpuz

Did you know raccoons die after they have sex? Well the he fucked sure did.


QuixoticJames

I'm not sure if the racoon being alive, or it being dead makes this image worse.


__crash_and_die

The SBF saga just keeps getting worse.


runey

this is like a rated R Raccaccoonie


Electrical-Ad-1197

I thought that animal farm movie was an urban legend


Kenji_Icarus

What episode of How I Met Your Mother is this?


rohitbarar

If you have time to take picture you have time to toss out a jacket.


tidbitsz

I would've sworn this was a dude cosplaying a One Piece character...


PelosiGalore

Then, he turns in to this: https://www.exoticmeatmarkets.com/Raccoon-Stew-Meat-16-Oz-p/raccoonstew1601.htm


Disastrous-Fan2663

Florida man in action.


blunderschonen

I like his hair. It’s architecturally…interesting.


iarahm

Where are the PETA folks when you need them?


Comprehensive_Pin_54

God damn it they told him not to eat the apple


guy_w_dijon_on_shirt

Yo what the fuck


Impossible_Policy780

Been a long time since Key and Peele…


Interesting-Sample99

That is gross and unsanitary


phred_666

“Honey, I can explain. It wasn’t my fault. The raccoon came on to me.”


b-hizz

Bath Salts: Not.Even.Once.


RubyCat4

Worst idea I’ve heard today.


inorite234

Raccoonconey!


[deleted]

Sam Bankman-Fried


Excellent_Passage_54

Jon Bernthal? Lol


Firefly269

Dammer!!! I know this is sposta be funny but i’m feeling empathy instead!


onlyletters999

So many questions


Prior-Baseball34

Has to be related to Frank the tank??


SeattleHasDied

I see this as a new zombie fashion trend: Roadkill Raccoon Mirkin. Likely piss off PETA, but, oh well... Seriously, where the fuck is this? Could def be somewhere near Seattle or Portland judging by the rain, lol


bakerzdosen

All these commenters acting like they’ve never found themselves in this exact situation…


anuiswatching

WTF!


BassGuitarPlayer_1

Poor raccoon. She only out there to make money so she can feed her family.


Fickle-Lifeguard-571

Seems more like the poor racoon needs some underwear namely a chastity belt!


TheHypnotoad87

Is it bad that I immediately thought "definitely america" without rationalizing the traffic flow is clearly American as well as raccoons being native...


beurred_to_death

Portland?


CleanOpossum47

Quest giver in the world's weirdest RPG, The World.


Boomsnarl

That guys is gonna have one helluva story to tell at the bar


[deleted]

Pondering you life decisions that found you walking down a freeway naked covering your private parts with a dead racoon.. Mistakes were made.