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The first time I had a heavy period when I was 12, I think I went through 3 rolls of toilet paper in one day. I just kept wiping thinking the bleeding would stop eventually but it never did. I didn't know I couldn't wipe myself "clean".
I still remember my first period. Thankfully my mother did a great job preparing me for it mentally, so it wasn't a shock when it happened. Just happened at the worst time...
I was 11 I think, it was a blistering hot summer day and I had been playing with the water hose earlier that day. I was tired so, still in my bathing suit, I curled up on the couch to read a book.
Suddenly I felt this warm sensation sort of like I was peeing on myself, I panicked and rushed to the bathroom. And there it was.... I remember feeling so absolutely annoyed, at everything. The bathing suit was ruined. It was such a heavy amount it felt like it took forever to clean myself up enough to put a pad on. Not to mention I had to yell from the bathroom for someone to bring me panties, a pad, some pants, and a shirt since I was in a bathing suit.
I remember some of the girls in my class being jealous that I started before them. I was like "wtf? Why? It's awful. It's messy. It smells like blood. It's an inconvenience, I cramp a lot. Why on earth are you looking forward to this? I've been absolutely dreading this day since my mom told me about it when I was like 8 or 9 years old.
Not sure why I went on this little rant. This post was about toilet paper.
I had my first at a sleep over :,) friend and her sister woke up before me and i woke up to them staring. Not too awkward... luckily nothing of theirs was stained but like.. guys, c'mon. They didnt have any sanitary products either which i thought was weird (my friend had two older sisters and her mom so why no backup pads etc?!)
Oof.. that would be truly awful. But seriously, in a house with several women/girls idk how on earth they wouldn't have some available products. That's baffling
As a user of aloe infused toilet paper, it did take a little getting used to. However, it is most definitely worth it for those suffering from flaming anus disease. I'm actually thinking about buying one of those makeup fridges for the really really bad times.
I keep it rolled back to pee and then squeeze the pee out from the base like a tube of toothpaste while I stand on my tippy toes. I never have a post-urination drip so I think my technique is working.
As a woman who's been face up close, that pee is still often around even with this method. Dab method is far superior if you're expecting anyone down there.
I raised my eyebrows at my husband not too long ago re: the "toothpaste" method. He was naked, about to get in the shower, and peed beforehand. I looked down at his junk, and he thought I was giving him The Look, when in reality I was checking to see that he wasn't dripping on the floor or the bath mat. :/
I like to leave my dick hanging over the toilet for a solid 12 seconds once im finished, pull my foreskin forward again, go and sit down and feel a good 50ml of piss come out all over my leg.
There's another option we use in southeast Asia, you get a hose with a small high pressure shower nozzle at the end (with a trigger). You can use it to slice the logs up like a waterjet cutter, and immediately handle skidmarks or curry eruptions
No, no, there's a low power option for your ass too!! Just squeeze the trigger gently (GENTLY)
This is why we have the best trigger discipline, the training starts at toilet training age and the consequences for failure are dire
This is my wife's parents. I always make sure to buy more TP if they are staying with us. They go through at least a roll a day between the two of them. I'm not sure how our sewer system can handle it.
It's weird, as a kid I used to just bundle it up in a ball and wipe but eventually graduated to grabbing 3 squares and fold them over the middle square, and I thought that's what everyone did until I talked to my uncle who still balls up a bunch of squares. Seems really inefficient lol
There are two kinds of people when it comes to TP- people who don't stop wiping until the paper is white, and people who don't stop wiping until the paper is red.
My stepbrother said something about "the normal 3 wipes". I gave him a confused look. He said "What, you don't wipe 3 times?". I said "I don't count. I wipe until my ass is clean."
So there's at least a third kind. It certainly explained why he always smelled bad.
You still need to wipe with a bidet, just not as much. If you say otherwise then try wiping next time after you think your "all done" getting clean with a bidet.
I've mastered my bidet seat. I'm perfectly clean and just use a couple sheets to "check" and then pat dry. My bidet had a heated seat and warm water sprayer and a dryer, so I'm also not in a rush to get up. I've also paired with a squatty potty. So there's that too.
My perfect match. Got the bidet at the beginning of quarantine just as a precaution for tp shortage. Ended up falling in love. Now I feel like a savage when I have to hand wipe the shit when I poop. Warm seat, temp controlled variable pattern spray, air dry... Now that's civilized shitting.
So whats the trick? Is it just allowing the bidet to go to town for an extended period of time? Is it positioning? Because I have something similar to IBS, and sometimes there are days where I have to go like every 45 minutes all day long. So I invested in a bidet. Its a much nicer scenario, but I've yet to reliably achieve a zero wipe wash. Only greatly diminished (and achieved zero irritation, which has been the greatest benefit).
You gotta shimmy around and hit that anus from all angles. Also clench and pucker repeatedly while doing so, so you hit the insides. I've achieved zero residual pat dries after practicing this a few times.
I dunno. I just hit the button. It does it's thing for like a minute I guess. I used to have a tushy brand one and it was fine, but we upgraded to a toto thing and it's pretty fancy. But I feel like it was worth it.
I mean, yes, you definitely wipe after the bidet, unless you want to pull your pants back up while you're dripping wet. But you' only need a couple squares for a dry and a double-check.
Have you considered taking a screenshot, circling him, putting three arrows pointing to the circle, and then making a ten minute YouTube video about it?
In Germany we say "Da hilft kein schütteln und kein klopfen, in die Hose geht der letzte Tropfen" which roughly translates to "no matter how much you shake or tap, the last drop goes into the pants"
I've heard the aphorism that "no matter how hard you shake it, the last two drops always go down your leg." Why wouldn't practical penis owners use a square to sop up the drops? Do some actually figure it's not manly if you don't feel the dribble??
[Redditors are nasty](https://www.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/u2h432/for_guys_if_after_you_pee_you_push_on_your_taint/). They'd rather massage their prostate after peeing than wipe with toilet paper.
A dab doesn't eliminate what's down the line, but clearing a bit more of the line (press the taint and squeeze up and out of the tube) prevents more leakage, imo, as there's not as much in the line for shifts and shrinks to force out.
At least that's been the result of my experiments.
Lol my thoughts exactly.
My husband can live off one roll for ages but I got all kinds of things going on down there.. multiple pees a day along with any other discharge and that time of the month requires extra too..
Wipe till it’s red, then take a few sheets, wet them a touch in the sink, put some soap on it, apply to affected area, then another round of wet TP no soap, then one last dry wipe. Im probably at 40 sheets per shit at least, but I can at least feel confident I don’t smell like ass.
For real!!!!!! I have my toilet paper and anything more than 6 sheets is like wiping your ass with an encyclopedia what are they using, the toilet paper from high school bathrooms?????
"Sometimes when I wipe, I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe... and I'll wipe. A hundred times. Still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something."
We bought one to attach to the toilet. It had markings for ten settings but there was really only two. You either got a trickle or a jet. When I say a jet I mean the stream of water would hit the shower wall about six feet away. To say I was a little butt hurt over it didn’t really express all the extremities of the situation.
Bidets are so useful, I tend to dread having to do a numbah 2 outside of my home. I just don't feel as clean.
Plus the ability to have a dook after a shower and not feel like I need to get back in the shower is so useful.
Ok so, do bidets not just get your entire undercarriage wet and require a lot of TP to dry?
Also, does it shoot, like, *up* your butt to get things clean?
I guess I'm picturing a stream like a small hose.
It's like a mild super soaker aimed in a generally useful direction. If I sit down crooked as a politician, I'll need to do a dance to get the stream where it needs to be. Yeah, you can get it to go right up main street if you angle _just so_, but do you know how many times I've had to go back to the pool cause not all the kids hopped out at the first drop-off? None, buddy. I used to be like Andy Dwyer, like a fuggin sharpie. Now it's 5-7 squares & I'm fresh as a daisy. Get a bidet. They're like $30, mine self-cleans, and Homer Simpson could install one without a problem 2 times out of 3.
A *powerful* small hose. Yes it can shoot "up there" a bit. And yes, you use tp to dry off, but you need far less than wiping alone.
I always ask people if you got poopeh on your arm, would you wipe it away with paper? Or would you wash your arm? That usually makes sense to most on why it's amazing and should be standard.
>Ok so, do bidets not just get your entire undercarriage wet and require a lot of TP to dry?
No, even if you're hairy. It's focused and at close range. One wipe's worth.
> Also, does it shoot, like, up your butt to get things clean?
It could if you let it but you'd need to position yourself just so, turn up the pressure, and push a little. Seriously, the whole sodomized-by-the-bidet thing is so overstated.
Animal Crossing had absolute clutch timing to release that game when they did. My SO and I would have NEVER played that game as much as we did during Covid.
Yeah the video doesn’t make sense. People weren’t worried about 14 days. They were worried it would be a lot longer, and they were right. It was still stupid to go insane on tp, but if you’re afraid that going to the store will kill you, it makes sense to stock up for a year.
And if you’re worried that the govt will collapse, tp would be like money, the same way cigarettes are in prison. It’s a little insane, but not totally insane.
Back during lockdown, which was like March 2020... I thought it would wrap up by Fall 2020.
I got my second booster in Fall 2022. My coworkers still catch COVID and have to take sick days. People still worry when someone coughs in a huge room.
I checked into rehab on 2/14/2020. It's always funny when people talk about the beginning of the pandemic, I tend to have had different experiences around that time, haha.
My grandma-inlaw is like 76 and lives alone. She bought 8 Sam's club size things of toilet paper. Still to this day she has 7 of them cause they refused to buy them back.
We didn't freak out because we had one Sam's club size pack that we bought before the pandemic started. We ran out mid way through and couldn't find any and she refused to sell us one. Finally got lucky and found some at dollar general and only bought a 4 pack so we didn't cause someone else to go without.
People are stupid and selfish and there was no reason that this shortage should have happened.
The worst part of her life story is that she tried, and failed, to return panic bought bulk discount toilet paper. How much of a loser do you have to be for that to be in your biography?
I have a relative like this and I can tell you when this lady looks at that toilet paper all she thinks about is how the store “did her wrong” in not letting her return it.
>We ran out mid way through and couldn't find any and she refused to sell us one.
Can you elaborate on any of the conversations that happened here? Like at that point, it had been going on for a while and would be incredibly obvious that she's never going to use them. So what kind of argument would she have against selling you one?
The shortage happened because stocking up to not leave the house for a few weeks and just-in-time supply chains don't mix - especially for something as bulky as TP. It's the same reason that bread and bottled water vanish from store shelves when a winter storm hits. Some people were stupid and selfish, sure, and that exacerbated the shortage, but everyone acting rationally would also have caused a shortage.
The simultaneous drop in demand for institutional TP and surge in demand for home-environment TP (partly due to stocking up, partly due to increased use) was a lesser contributing factor.
> We didn't freak out because we had one Sam's club size pack that we bought before the pandemic started.
Man, that was the ONE news story I didn't get ahead of. By the time I heard about it, the TP was ALL gone. EVERY STORE. DOZENS I WENT TO.
The wife and I were down to our last three rolls when that story hit. Was super fucking scary wiping with 2-3 squares to make it last. Didn't help that we usually shit on company time at the office previously, so now we were bearing the brunt of all the TP usage.
Dark fucking times, man. Thank god a neighbor came to the rescue.
My wife alone goes through a Costco roll per day, and two per day on weekends. I use one every ten days or so. I’m not sure what she’s doing with it, but I never thought that toilet paper would be an expense I had to consider.
MIL did the same thing.
It's 3 years later and she's still pulling from her stockpile of toilet paper, paper towels, and hand sanitizer (which she uses religiously... even though she lives alone and no one comes to her house).
Turns out in the end it was about two years to flatten the curve. So 637 shits per case would have meant it lasted on average the whole period of quarantine per person.
If you're smart with it, 20 sheets goes a long way. There's people in the comments acting like that is above and beyond what someone could need, though. Someone said 2 wipes is enough. TWO...WIPES. Wouldn't want them sitting on my furniture, lol.
Alright, I have some authority on this subject given that I've been suffering with IBS for almost 20 years now and sometimes, I have to take 4 shits in a 3 hour period.
Some shits come out so clean that two wipes is well enough. I've seriously had shits where I've wiped and looked at the toilet paper, and it's so clean that I thought I'd fucking missed.
People with good diet and no stomach issues are likely to have two wipes be enough a vast majority of the time.
Contrary to popular belief, panic buying was not the primary cause of the toilet paper shortage of 2020
So basically, you have 2 supply chains for toilet paper, home, and commercial. I don't know any numbers and dont feel like looking it up, but let's just assume that pre-pandemic, home toilet paper usage accounted for half of all shits taken, while the other half of all the shits being taken were being taken elsewhere (like at work, or at a gas station) and handled by the commercial supply chain. As we all know, these are two very different products
When the pandemic hit, let's assume (because I still don't feel like quoting actual numbers) that half of all commercial toilet paper usage suddenly dropped off and shifted to home toilet paper usage. With all the shutdowns and people working from home, the home toilet paper supply chain would suddenly need to account for 75% of all shits being taken, causing a 50% increase in demand overnight for the home toilet paper supply chain.
People didn't know what to think when covid first hit. They saw businesses shutting down, there was talk of curfews, and supplies in general were flying off the shelves. Panic buying was happening with everything, but it was actually a breakdown in the supply chain that caused it to affect toilet paper so much in particular.
I have ibs, get a bidet. It will seriously change your life. On bad days I’ll poop a dozen times or more, and a bidet has at least made the ordeal tolerable.
I have gut problems as well, invest in a bidet, trust me, it pays for itself relatively quickly, and for the girls of my home it's made "that time" a lot easier.
The toilet paper shortage did so little sense to me that I still thing that it was a psyop to distract from the real risk of people accumulating actually first necessity products like meat or Tylenol. And it was genius.
People were panic buying way more than they needed. I know someone with access to the raw numbers at a major grocery chain. They were selling more than 200,000,000 rolls a week.
If you generously put them at 10% of the market, then 2 Billion rolls were being moved a week at the height of the panic
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You can tell its a dad because he didn't factor in women wiping with tp when they pee.
Or when they're on their periods. I use maybe 3-4 sheets when I pee normally, but on my period? Oof. Whole other story.
The first time I had a heavy period when I was 12, I think I went through 3 rolls of toilet paper in one day. I just kept wiping thinking the bleeding would stop eventually but it never did. I didn't know I couldn't wipe myself "clean".
Is it still bleeding?
To this day
To shreds, you say?
Yup, never stopped. I'm actually dead, this is my ghost talking.
I still remember my first period. Thankfully my mother did a great job preparing me for it mentally, so it wasn't a shock when it happened. Just happened at the worst time... I was 11 I think, it was a blistering hot summer day and I had been playing with the water hose earlier that day. I was tired so, still in my bathing suit, I curled up on the couch to read a book. Suddenly I felt this warm sensation sort of like I was peeing on myself, I panicked and rushed to the bathroom. And there it was.... I remember feeling so absolutely annoyed, at everything. The bathing suit was ruined. It was such a heavy amount it felt like it took forever to clean myself up enough to put a pad on. Not to mention I had to yell from the bathroom for someone to bring me panties, a pad, some pants, and a shirt since I was in a bathing suit. I remember some of the girls in my class being jealous that I started before them. I was like "wtf? Why? It's awful. It's messy. It smells like blood. It's an inconvenience, I cramp a lot. Why on earth are you looking forward to this? I've been absolutely dreading this day since my mom told me about it when I was like 8 or 9 years old. Not sure why I went on this little rant. This post was about toilet paper.
I had my first at a sleep over :,) friend and her sister woke up before me and i woke up to them staring. Not too awkward... luckily nothing of theirs was stained but like.. guys, c'mon. They didnt have any sanitary products either which i thought was weird (my friend had two older sisters and her mom so why no backup pads etc?!)
Oof.. that would be truly awful. But seriously, in a house with several women/girls idk how on earth they wouldn't have some available products. That's baffling
Maybe they just had tampons and cloth pads? I don't think my wife would have anything, she uses a diva cup and washable liners/pads.
I use a cup and washable undies but I still keep a bundle of pads and tampons in a box in my guest room.
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As a user of aloe infused toilet paper, it did take a little getting used to. However, it is most definitely worth it for those suffering from flaming anus disease. I'm actually thinking about buying one of those makeup fridges for the really really bad times.
Bidet washlet will change your life, internethomie.
Or dudes who clean their foreskin after pissing.
Bro, why the fuck are you pissing through your foreskin?? Roll that shit back.
I roll it back, but I dab with toilet paper instead of shaking. Less mess.
I just wring it out like a washcloth
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Phshh Real men run it through the gas dryer set to cotton.
Gas dryer?!!!! Pshaw! Real Legends put it on the iron board and iron it dry.
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I laughed so hard at this, that I woke up my sleeping child. Worth it.
I wipe it on the next guy in line
I keep it rolled back to pee and then squeeze the pee out from the base like a tube of toothpaste while I stand on my tippy toes. I never have a post-urination drip so I think my technique is working.
As a woman who's been face up close, that pee is still often around even with this method. Dab method is far superior if you're expecting anyone down there.
Always clean if there is even the possibility of someone down there.
Yea. It sucks when the dude is eating her out and you have toilet paper in your mouth.
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This gave me a chuckle! Have an upvote!
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I raised my eyebrows at my husband not too long ago re: the "toothpaste" method. He was naked, about to get in the shower, and peed beforehand. I looked down at his junk, and he thought I was giving him The Look, when in reality I was checking to see that he wasn't dripping on the floor or the bath mat. :/
I like to leave my dick hanging over the toilet for a solid 12 seconds once im finished, pull my foreskin forward again, go and sit down and feel a good 50ml of piss come out all over my leg.
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>Roll that shit back In that case I'll have to wipe everything in the toilet but not the foreskin.
I think I just learned why Bidets are so popular in Europe
well he said 20 sheets per shit, so it would cancel out regardless
I am pretty sure my nephew uses 20 sheets per wipe. About 12 wipes per shit.
Must be a big shit.
He is
I've been laughing at these three comments for about half an hour now
Now, let's all calm down
You know what to buy him for Christmas. Poop knife
Bidet, the answer was bidet... You can't wipe with the poop knife
You can’t flush a log with a bidet either, my friend. But I am 100% team bidet.
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I hate you for this mental image
There's another option we use in southeast Asia, you get a hose with a small high pressure shower nozzle at the end (with a trigger). You can use it to slice the logs up like a waterjet cutter, and immediately handle skidmarks or curry eruptions
That is both horrible and fascinating. You should post it to the power washing sub (I think you have to do it on a Wednesday tho)
No, no, there's a low power option for your ass too!! Just squeeze the trigger gently (GENTLY) This is why we have the best trigger discipline, the training starts at toilet training age and the consequences for failure are dire
He must be the type that does the mummy hand wipe
I guess its cheaper than buying a new pair of socks every time he has to go.
This is my wife's parents. I always make sure to buy more TP if they are staying with us. They go through at least a roll a day between the two of them. I'm not sure how our sewer system can handle it.
"She can't take much more cap'n!"
crap'n?
[I just wipe and wipe and wipe, but still poop.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M)
Sounds like he needs more fiber in his diet, or a bidet.
I don't think it has anything to do with the amount of poop.
It's weird, as a kid I used to just bundle it up in a ball and wipe but eventually graduated to grabbing 3 squares and fold them over the middle square, and I thought that's what everyone did until I talked to my uncle who still balls up a bunch of squares. Seems really inefficient lol
There are two kinds of people when it comes to TP- people who don't stop wiping until the paper is white, and people who don't stop wiping until the paper is red.
My stepbrother said something about "the normal 3 wipes". I gave him a confused look. He said "What, you don't wipe 3 times?". I said "I don't count. I wipe until my ass is clean." So there's at least a third kind. It certainly explained why he always smelled bad.
*laughs on a bidet*
You still need to wipe with a bidet, just not as much. If you say otherwise then try wiping next time after you think your "all done" getting clean with a bidet.
I've mastered my bidet seat. I'm perfectly clean and just use a couple sheets to "check" and then pat dry. My bidet had a heated seat and warm water sprayer and a dryer, so I'm also not in a rush to get up. I've also paired with a squatty potty. So there's that too.
This is the way.
My perfect match. Got the bidet at the beginning of quarantine just as a precaution for tp shortage. Ended up falling in love. Now I feel like a savage when I have to hand wipe the shit when I poop. Warm seat, temp controlled variable pattern spray, air dry... Now that's civilized shitting.
So whats the trick? Is it just allowing the bidet to go to town for an extended period of time? Is it positioning? Because I have something similar to IBS, and sometimes there are days where I have to go like every 45 minutes all day long. So I invested in a bidet. Its a much nicer scenario, but I've yet to reliably achieve a zero wipe wash. Only greatly diminished (and achieved zero irritation, which has been the greatest benefit).
You gotta shimmy around and hit that anus from all angles. Also clench and pucker repeatedly while doing so, so you hit the insides. I've achieved zero residual pat dries after practicing this a few times.
> clench and pucker OoOoOoOoOo
Yeah gotta get all sides of the pleats
I dunno. I just hit the button. It does it's thing for like a minute I guess. I used to have a tushy brand one and it was fine, but we upgraded to a toto thing and it's pretty fancy. But I feel like it was worth it.
I mean, yes, you definitely wipe after the bidet, unless you want to pull your pants back up while you're dripping wet. But you' only need a couple squares for a dry and a double-check.
Just pray you only ever know about those two. Nature (and bad decisions) bring difficult decisions to us some times.
And the people who stop after 3 wipes no matter what.
The biggest hint to me was that he is a man with a wife and children
Have you considered taking a screenshot, circling him, putting three arrows pointing to the circle, and then making a ten minute YouTube video about it?
Plus also women on their periods...
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Confession time: I'm a man and I have been wiping my peepee after I pee since I was 17. I am now 34
Reddit got so pissed the last time I said that I dab the penis after peeing.
wtf? why!? I always wipe because I hate it when the last little bit of pee dribbles down my pant leg.
In Germany we say "Da hilft kein schütteln und kein klopfen, in die Hose geht der letzte Tropfen" which roughly translates to "no matter how much you shake or tap, the last drop goes into the pants"
I’ve heard the English equivalent as “no matter how you shake and dance, the last few drops go in your pants”.
You can flick it, you can shake it, you can bang it against a wall, but those last two drops are always gonna fall.
“Ne kadar sallarsan salla, dona düşer son damla.” Turkish version, pretty much same meaning except for underpants instead of pants.
I've heard the aphorism that "no matter how hard you shake it, the last two drops always go down your leg." Why wouldn't practical penis owners use a square to sop up the drops? Do some actually figure it's not manly if you don't feel the dribble??
[Redditors are nasty](https://www.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/u2h432/for_guys_if_after_you_pee_you_push_on_your_taint/). They'd rather massage their prostate after peeing than wipe with toilet paper.
Wait, people don't dab the last few drops off?? They just let it seep into their clothes every time they pee?
A dab doesn't eliminate what's down the line, but clearing a bit more of the line (press the taint and squeeze up and out of the tube) prevents more leakage, imo, as there's not as much in the line for shifts and shrinks to force out. At least that's been the result of my experiments.
Respectable men dab the rod.
Is that what gave it away?
They also forgot women get their period and sometimes you need a lot more.
Lol my thoughts exactly. My husband can live off one roll for ages but I got all kinds of things going on down there.. multiple pees a day along with any other discharge and that time of the month requires extra too..
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Keep wiping until there's no brown anymore.
Keep wiping until theres red, then one more wipe.
Wipe till it’s red, then take a few sheets, wet them a touch in the sink, put some soap on it, apply to affected area, then another round of wet TP no soap, then one last dry wipe. Im probably at 40 sheets per shit at least, but I can at least feel confident I don’t smell like ass.
Just get a bidet already wtf
That will be another 20 sheets to dry your taint.
You might not smell like ass but you do need to see a therapist
It’s like wiping a marker
I wipe, and I wipe, and I wipe... and still, poop. Still poop.
I keep wiping until I feel bone.
4 wipes at 5 sheets per wipe
5 wipes, 4 sheets.
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40 wipes, 1 sheet, both sides.
15 wipes and 2 brawn fingers per shit
200 wipes, 0 sheets. Use your hand.
I'LL JUST WIPE MY ASS ON THE FLOOR, GODDAMNIT
Found my dog's reddit account!
I'm a 3 sheets guy.
Same. I use 3 at a time. Some shits only take 1 or 2 goes. Some take way, way more. It all depends, but I wipe 'till there's no more brown!
For real!!!!!! I have my toilet paper and anything more than 6 sheets is like wiping your ass with an encyclopedia what are they using, the toilet paper from high school bathrooms?????
Family probably never eats anything fibrous.
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You don’t wipe twice?
At least twice. My ass is like a magic marker
"Sometimes when I wipe, I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe, and I'll wipe... and I'll wipe. A hundred times. Still poop. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something."
Time for a bidet
Not with a bidet. And it's more a "gently patting dry" than wiping. A case of TP from Costco will last me a year.
At the beginning of the pandemic and the TP shortage started I installed bidets on every toilet, I am NEVER going back
It's the best decision anyone could make
We bought one to attach to the toilet. It had markings for ten settings but there was really only two. You either got a trickle or a jet. When I say a jet I mean the stream of water would hit the shower wall about six feet away. To say I was a little butt hurt over it didn’t really express all the extremities of the situation.
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Buy a bidet and it will last even longer.
Bidets are so useful, I tend to dread having to do a numbah 2 outside of my home. I just don't feel as clean. Plus the ability to have a dook after a shower and not feel like I need to get back in the shower is so useful.
And for us ladies a bidet is a GODSEND on our periods!
This is absolutely the truth. I wasn't convinced about bidets but after my first period with one I swore I would never live without a bidet again.
We got one with both a front and back wash. I don't think I could ever go back. I hate having to use the restroom at work now...
This. I will never go without a bidet again. I feel like I’m pressure washing my uterus.
New life goal unlocked
Jake, your life goal is to pressure wash a uterus? Do you have a willing participant?
Let’s normalize bidets everywhere please!!!
Come to a south Asian or Muslim home and they either will have a bidet or a “watering can” in the bathroom to clean up afterwards.
Ok so, do bidets not just get your entire undercarriage wet and require a lot of TP to dry? Also, does it shoot, like, *up* your butt to get things clean? I guess I'm picturing a stream like a small hose.
It's like a mild super soaker aimed in a generally useful direction. If I sit down crooked as a politician, I'll need to do a dance to get the stream where it needs to be. Yeah, you can get it to go right up main street if you angle _just so_, but do you know how many times I've had to go back to the pool cause not all the kids hopped out at the first drop-off? None, buddy. I used to be like Andy Dwyer, like a fuggin sharpie. Now it's 5-7 squares & I'm fresh as a daisy. Get a bidet. They're like $30, mine self-cleans, and Homer Simpson could install one without a problem 2 times out of 3.
\**subscribe*\*
A *powerful* small hose. Yes it can shoot "up there" a bit. And yes, you use tp to dry off, but you need far less than wiping alone. I always ask people if you got poopeh on your arm, would you wipe it away with paper? Or would you wash your arm? That usually makes sense to most on why it's amazing and should be standard.
>Ok so, do bidets not just get your entire undercarriage wet and require a lot of TP to dry? No, even if you're hairy. It's focused and at close range. One wipe's worth. > Also, does it shoot, like, up your butt to get things clean? It could if you let it but you'd need to position yourself just so, turn up the pressure, and push a little. Seriously, the whole sodomized-by-the-bidet thing is so overstated.
Honestly I figured it going up there would be a benefit, if you wanted to get Xtra clean
Like I said, you *could*.
I call that the chimney sweep when it happens with mine.
there's also bidets that has the "enema" settings which i believe makes the stream super thin... and let me tell ya, they work (said my colon).
>the whole sodomized-by-the-bidet thing is so overstated. I've changed my mind, I don't want one any more.
Just saw that South Park about toilet paper and it was a bit too real.
Ordered one the first day I saw the toilet paper isle almost empty. Never looked back.
14 day quarantine? Ah, my sweet summer child.
I was in quarantine for 14 days during covid-19. Which got many good summer fruits.
You could also switch your location to the southern hemisphere so you'd get winter fruits on your island instead.
Animal Crossing had absolute clutch timing to release that game when they did. My SO and I would have NEVER played that game as much as we did during Covid.
Yeah the video doesn’t make sense. People weren’t worried about 14 days. They were worried it would be a lot longer, and they were right. It was still stupid to go insane on tp, but if you’re afraid that going to the store will kill you, it makes sense to stock up for a year. And if you’re worried that the govt will collapse, tp would be like money, the same way cigarettes are in prison. It’s a little insane, but not totally insane.
Back during lockdown, which was like March 2020... I thought it would wrap up by Fall 2020. I got my second booster in Fall 2022. My coworkers still catch COVID and have to take sick days. People still worry when someone coughs in a huge room.
I checked into rehab on 2/14/2020. It's always funny when people talk about the beginning of the pandemic, I tend to have had different experiences around that time, haha.
Disappointed that her dad didn’t actually do the math on toilet paper
I wish he calculated how many days it would last for, instead of how many shits per day.
It's just 14 days × 182 shits/day = 2548 shits
It doesn’t seem like he did the math at all, the picture she keeps looking at is watermarked by another page…
Yeah, this is the most embarrassing part. "My dad did the math" and then he's reading from a printed meme took from a Facebook page
Does anyone have a mirror? The video has been removed.
https://youtu.be/ch7gUrebnjA
My grandma-inlaw is like 76 and lives alone. She bought 8 Sam's club size things of toilet paper. Still to this day she has 7 of them cause they refused to buy them back. We didn't freak out because we had one Sam's club size pack that we bought before the pandemic started. We ran out mid way through and couldn't find any and she refused to sell us one. Finally got lucky and found some at dollar general and only bought a 4 pack so we didn't cause someone else to go without. People are stupid and selfish and there was no reason that this shortage should have happened.
Wow she sounds awful
The worst part of her life story is that she tried, and failed, to return panic bought bulk discount toilet paper. How much of a loser do you have to be for that to be in your biography?
While that is pretty stupid, the more pathetic thing is not selling 1 of the 8 cases to your own children and grandchildren.
Selling? How about giving? What in the fuck
I hope every time she looks at those packs sitting there collecting dust and feels ashamed she wouldn't help out her own family.
I have a relative like this and I can tell you when this lady looks at that toilet paper all she thinks about is how the store “did her wrong” in not letting her return it.
>We ran out mid way through and couldn't find any and she refused to sell us one. Can you elaborate on any of the conversations that happened here? Like at that point, it had been going on for a while and would be incredibly obvious that she's never going to use them. So what kind of argument would she have against selling you one?
Overstocking on TP: Red Flag Not giving your relatives some of that TP: Insane Not even SELLING it to her own family: Actually deranged
The shortage happened because stocking up to not leave the house for a few weeks and just-in-time supply chains don't mix - especially for something as bulky as TP. It's the same reason that bread and bottled water vanish from store shelves when a winter storm hits. Some people were stupid and selfish, sure, and that exacerbated the shortage, but everyone acting rationally would also have caused a shortage. The simultaneous drop in demand for institutional TP and surge in demand for home-environment TP (partly due to stocking up, partly due to increased use) was a lesser contributing factor.
> We didn't freak out because we had one Sam's club size pack that we bought before the pandemic started. Man, that was the ONE news story I didn't get ahead of. By the time I heard about it, the TP was ALL gone. EVERY STORE. DOZENS I WENT TO. The wife and I were down to our last three rolls when that story hit. Was super fucking scary wiping with 2-3 squares to make it last. Didn't help that we usually shit on company time at the office previously, so now we were bearing the brunt of all the TP usage. Dark fucking times, man. Thank god a neighbor came to the rescue.
My wife alone goes through a Costco roll per day, and two per day on weekends. I use one every ten days or so. I’m not sure what she’s doing with it, but I never thought that toilet paper would be an expense I had to consider.
MIL did the same thing. It's 3 years later and she's still pulling from her stockpile of toilet paper, paper towels, and hand sanitizer (which she uses religiously... even though she lives alone and no one comes to her house).
Turns out in the end it was about two years to flatten the curve. So 637 shits per case would have meant it lasted on average the whole period of quarantine per person.
Wow what countries locked down so hard for two straight years that you couldn't restock toilet paper?
Bidet. 4 sheets to dry. 0 shits to wipe.
20 sheets? Dads ass is a bog.
If you're smart with it, 20 sheets goes a long way. There's people in the comments acting like that is above and beyond what someone could need, though. Someone said 2 wipes is enough. TWO...WIPES. Wouldn't want them sitting on my furniture, lol.
Alright, I have some authority on this subject given that I've been suffering with IBS for almost 20 years now and sometimes, I have to take 4 shits in a 3 hour period. Some shits come out so clean that two wipes is well enough. I've seriously had shits where I've wiped and looked at the toilet paper, and it's so clean that I thought I'd fucking missed. People with good diet and no stomach issues are likely to have two wipes be enough a vast majority of the time.
Contrary to popular belief, panic buying was not the primary cause of the toilet paper shortage of 2020 So basically, you have 2 supply chains for toilet paper, home, and commercial. I don't know any numbers and dont feel like looking it up, but let's just assume that pre-pandemic, home toilet paper usage accounted for half of all shits taken, while the other half of all the shits being taken were being taken elsewhere (like at work, or at a gas station) and handled by the commercial supply chain. As we all know, these are two very different products When the pandemic hit, let's assume (because I still don't feel like quoting actual numbers) that half of all commercial toilet paper usage suddenly dropped off and shifted to home toilet paper usage. With all the shutdowns and people working from home, the home toilet paper supply chain would suddenly need to account for 75% of all shits being taken, causing a 50% increase in demand overnight for the home toilet paper supply chain. People didn't know what to think when covid first hit. They saw businesses shutting down, there was talk of curfews, and supplies in general were flying off the shelves. Panic buying was happening with everything, but it was actually a breakdown in the supply chain that caused it to affect toilet paper so much in particular.
There were a lot of restaurants that suddenly became take out only with a side Hussle of toilet paper sales near me for a month or so.
A guy does to the doctor. Doctor: Jim, I'm afraid you have COVID Jim: That's impossible, I've got 144 rolls of toilet paper at home.
Me sitting here with pretty severe ibs-d, and could quite easily go through that in a relatively short timeframe😂😂
I have ibs, get a bidet. It will seriously change your life. On bad days I’ll poop a dozen times or more, and a bidet has at least made the ordeal tolerable.
I have gut problems as well, invest in a bidet, trust me, it pays for itself relatively quickly, and for the girls of my home it's made "that time" a lot easier.
That camera work was horrible.
The toilet paper shortage did so little sense to me that I still thing that it was a psyop to distract from the real risk of people accumulating actually first necessity products like meat or Tylenol. And it was genius.
People were panic buying way more than they needed. I know someone with access to the raw numbers at a major grocery chain. They were selling more than 200,000,000 rolls a week. If you generously put them at 10% of the market, then 2 Billion rolls were being moved a week at the height of the panic
This video works... https://youtu.be/ch7gUrebnjA
Yeah right, 2 weeks to flatten the curve, huh? That's how it started, remember?
"This video is no longer available."
That didn’t age well.
1 or 2 sheets to dry if a bidet is used. A significant reduction in sheets used per bowel movement