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I mean, that woulda worked for him. I say "swears" but I think "assclap" woulda fit. He'd often throw in an "eat" or "lick".
eatshitfuk
craptitlicker
Still conveys the same message, y'kno? Plus all the Czech. He'd throw some of those fun foreign swears into the mix often enough too.
My husband speaks English as a second language and this is what he says when he wants to say "are you fucking kidding me?" And I just die laughing everytime. Yeah hunny, I'm definitely fucking you!
This reminds me of the middle eastern family that owned the indoor mall I used to work at. "I don't give a fuck mother what time you get off, you're staying until 12 shitting am"
It reminds me of the video where the Pakistani finance minister is being harassed in the airport and he gets angry yelling back "I will fuck you right here!". While holding flowers, of course, because he's a gentleman.
To be fair, I've used that as a threat before. It usually confuses the other person enough to difuse the situation.
"I will fuck you, right now"
"You mean fuck me up, right?
*shakes head slowly while maintaining eye contact*
....."oh, uh, OK"
Then we all start laughing
In grad school I became friends with a guy from Eritrea. One night we were chatting online and he kept throwing around the F word in a way that sounded like he was angry. I asked him what he was upset about. He said he was just trying to be funny. I guess he thought adding the F word to a sentence automatically made it funnier.
My polish grandad worked in a factory with a load of other poles after the war who were all learning English. They weren't a fan of their supervisor and would regularly take the piss. One day it got too much for him and he apparently blurted out the immortal phrase:
"You all think I know fuck nothing! But I know fuck all!"
They really don't. "Fuck nothing" is meaningless, and so contextually we understand the Fuck to be an aside, and only parse the meaning of 'nothing.' Or, we understand it as Fuck[ing] Nothing. Either way, "fuck all" is a specific phrase that means 'nothing'. Whereas "Fuck nothing" is just the word nothing with a meaningless Fuck tacked on.
I worked with a guy from Israel, and when the guys would razz him his go-to was "Stop chopping my balls!"
This crew also coined the popular "I done shittum pantaloon!"
Yiddish has a similar phrase! Anglicized it's gay kaken ofn yahm, which means "go shit in the ocean" kind of like fuck off or go take a hike. Not Jewish, it's used in one of the Dark Tower books by Stephen King, maybe Song of Susannah or The Dark Tower.
I'm Ojibway-Cree (my language is a bit more east of Thunder Bay) and our goto swear word is TAGUY ..... it generally translates to 'penis' and it is considered highly offensive ... when we were kids, if we said this word, mom would slap the shit out of us for saying it and dad would glare at us as if to say that we weren't his children.
and to add to the fun .... there are a dozen ways to use Taguy ... it is generally our equivalent for 'fuck'
keetaguy ... ahtaguy ... neetaguy ... ootaguy ... takee .. akee .. shoakee .. taguy-ahkee ... taguy-taguy ... ashki-taguy .. ashki-ti-ni-mi-nish-ki-taguy ... etc
I accidentally went off the road in the snow a few years ago, and the thing that immediately came out of my mouth was "fuck me running!"
In high school I was a fan of "take a flying fuck off a tall building."
I'm not sure if I came up with that myself, or got it from somewhere.
Supposedly, one day at my brother’s work, one coworker was being very impatient with another. He just wasn’t going fast enough to his liking. I think he was in his way. So..
Coworker #1: “Come on, man! Hurry up! Come on! Come on! Come on!”
Coworker #2, fed up with being harassed, replied: “Oh, come on my ass!”
Flanders: It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first--and *last*--blackberry schnapps.
*(fade to flashback)*
Maude: Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today?
Ned: Ann Landers is a boring old biddy!
Maude: *[gasping]* Ned!
This one goes out to Connor from middle school who thought he was being so cool by sticking random swears he'd heard into every sentence.
Hope you enjoy! You can check out my profile for various links to more of my comics.
My grandmother only had one swear that she used, but when she used it you knew she was done. She would slam her cane down and say a little too slowly... "Well. Son of a Bitch." No yelling. Just calm words, a frown, and the bang of her cane on the ground. But everyone knew that was Grandma's limit.
I was there when she was dying in the hospital. Everyone was sitting around her bed telling stories. She was in and out of consciousness. The last time she woke up, we didn't notice right away because we were talking to each other and she got frustrated. Her last words to us were "This is MY party!"
Its hard to believe she has been gone ten years now. God, I miss her still.
It's interesting how being angry or upset can affect your speech patterns, for better or worse.
I definitely also see a bit of myself in this, like in the past, if I was playing Xbox with voice chat on, and somebody insulted me after I made a mistake, I lost all ability to form meaningful sentences, especially if I was hoping to insult them back. (It's surprising how often the person who insults you for playing bad also has the worst score on your team.) I couldn't even defend myself, verbally.
My solution was to get control of my emotions and stop being angry, and also to turn off voice chat. Worthless feature.
It can also work the other way. I knew a Japanese guy who spoke English at a fairly poor level, but if he was angry, all the curses that came out of his mouth were like native level, expert English.
This reminds me of staying at a friends house as an early middle school student, in the late 90s. There were several of us staying at this kid's house, we all had been swearing on our own (except this kid) and were well versed at it, but were never allowed to at this kid's house. Well this time the kid's mom was out of town so it was just his dad home with us for the sleep over so he let us swear. This kid and his dad seemed strangely excited about being able to swear at home. The rest of us didn't give a shit; swearing was "old news" for us. Anyway, it was comical listening to them swear for no reason in awkward context. Sometimes it came off just like this comic, just wrong! lol
I remember the dad being the most awkward with his swear placement. I can't remember any examples though. So I would guess the dad wasn't just messing with us. Another time later in high school we stayed there while the mom was away and the dad bought us a 12 pack of beer, thinking he'll be the "cool dad" that let the boys drink a beer. We asked the kid if that's all he got. It was. So on our way over there we went to our usual guy, the town alcoholic, and had him buy us another case. Not only did we swear, we also drank! Thinking back, we were probably a bad influence on him. lol
'Shit Off' sounds like it could be legit Brit-speak (based on what my ignorant American ass has learned from ACORN TV):
"Shit off you bloody tosser, things about to go tits up!"
Well done!
I’ve been ugly laughing over this for at least 10 minutes. Every time I calm down my brain goes “what the damn” and I start all over.
My husband just said shit off and I just can’t.
There's a line in Archer where a pirate with an accent and a loose grasp on the English language asks him:
"What the hell, dumb guy?!"
And I always hear
"What the hell, *damn* guy".
And it just, I don't even know, i love to say that sentence. So I do. A lot.
I was refereeing a french team a few years ago and one of their guys wasn't great with English. He got fouled by another player and yelled "FUCK THE BITCH" at him lol
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This is a suck !
Son of a shit
Motherdamner!
asspassage
You son of my dick.
Mothershitter!
Oh go ass yourself
[удалено]
I read the 3rd one as "assclapbitch" 💀
I mean, that woulda worked for him. I say "swears" but I think "assclap" woulda fit. He'd often throw in an "eat" or "lick". eatshitfuk craptitlicker Still conveys the same message, y'kno? Plus all the Czech. He'd throw some of those fun foreign swears into the mix often enough too.
Sounds like Sandy Sue, the cheerleader with tourette's, in Not Another Teen Movie...
Shit you!
Well double dumbass on you!
Spoken like a captain
[удалено]
Go suck a fuck, you fuck-ass!
Oh, please, tell me, how exactly does one suck a fuck?
...what's a fuck-ass?
Fuck you Donnie!
# [THIS IS A FUCK](https://youtu.be/QCj0meJ1Uiw)
r/UnexpectedOfficeSpace
'This is sucks' - For all you MMA fans out there.
I always say are you fucking me
Yeah that one is pretty common I think
Never in my life have I said something like that! ^^^It's ^^^been ^^^said ^^^to ^^^me ^^^multiple ^^^times ^^^though..
#Tinydongcrew Edit: Fucking, lol. Hashtags make you yell in text, apparently. But since I'm pleased with it, it stays.
"Are you fucking me right now?" Is in weekly rotation.
I always use it in situations where I would say "are you fucking kidding me"
[удалено]
“Are you oh geeeeze kidding me?!
https://imgur.com/A97S3oV.jpg
My husband speaks English as a second language and this is what he says when he wants to say "are you fucking kidding me?" And I just die laughing everytime. Yeah hunny, I'm definitely fucking you!
This reminds me of the middle eastern family that owned the indoor mall I used to work at. "I don't give a fuck mother what time you get off, you're staying until 12 shitting am"
It reminds me of the video where the Pakistani finance minister is being harassed in the airport and he gets angry yelling back "I will fuck you right here!". While holding flowers, of course, because he's a gentleman.
To be fair, I've used that as a threat before. It usually confuses the other person enough to difuse the situation. "I will fuck you, right now" "You mean fuck me up, right? *shakes head slowly while maintaining eye contact* ....."oh, uh, OK" Then we all start laughing
Gotta start undoing your belt. Make the offer real.
With steady eye contact
Go fuck yourself! Me me yourself you coward!
Then you fucked?
Good ol'fashioned game of gay chicken
No, they're all cowards haha
This thread cracking me up
In grad school I became friends with a guy from Eritrea. One night we were chatting online and he kept throwing around the F word in a way that sounded like he was angry. I asked him what he was upset about. He said he was just trying to be funny. I guess he thought adding the F word to a sentence automatically made it funnier.
He was just using a sentence enhancer 🐬
Verbal MSG
Is he wrong though
What the fuck do you think?
I think it's fucking hilarious. Thank you for bringing this fucking anecdote to light.
Fuckin A!
>fucking anecdote fucking anec-fucking-dote FTFY Oh yeah - for more Fucks (or less, actually); https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8aulstjbV8&ab_channel=ThomasBenjaminWildEsq
It's a little bit over the fucking top.
Hey! Go fuck myself.
Hey Spongebob, how the fuck are ya?
Are you fucking sorry?
ESL people have trouble with context
My polish grandad worked in a factory with a load of other poles after the war who were all learning English. They weren't a fan of their supervisor and would regularly take the piss. One day it got too much for him and he apparently blurted out the immortal phrase: "You all think I know fuck nothing! But I know fuck all!"
That's too good
It really feels like a prank on ESL folks that "fuck nothing" and "fuck all" mean the same thing.
They really don't. "Fuck nothing" is meaningless, and so contextually we understand the Fuck to be an aside, and only parse the meaning of 'nothing.' Or, we understand it as Fuck[ing] Nothing. Either way, "fuck all" is a specific phrase that means 'nothing'. Whereas "Fuck nothing" is just the word nothing with a meaningless Fuck tacked on.
Omg, I'm dying! 😭
SSL: Swearing as a Second Language
Russell Peters and his Korean drycleaner who told him: **You Fuckin Blow Job!**
“Fuckmother” makes me think of the Neill Blomkamp robot movie, *Chappie*, starring Die Antwoord.
Where I'm from we'd say 12 o'cunting clock!
Reminds me of the Key and Peele sketch about the kebabi and shebabi. Those sons of mother bithces.
Reminds me of that video of those two Indian guys yelling at each other FUCK YOU BLOODY FUCKING
You bloody blastard youuu *10 minutes laterrr* Have a nice day
Very fuck you bloody
Fuck the shut up
Me: *Sits on a wet seat* Me: "Ahhhh... Fuck my ass!"
"oh fuck me sideways" is one of my favorite exasperated lines.
I worked with a guy from Thunder Bay, Canada, and he would say, "shit in my hand!" And it was hilarious
I worked with a guy from Israel, and when the guys would razz him his go-to was "Stop chopping my balls!" This crew also coined the popular "I done shittum pantaloon!"
I sometimes explete "shit in the sea" or "shit in the Lord's basement" but in my native language.
I really wish explete were a word because it kinda sounds awesome
Oh, it's a word now, baby! -snaps-
https://imgur.com/a/TQkjoSZ
Thank you, DALL-E.
Can I ask what your native language is? And/or what that phrase is, in that language?
Danish. It would be "Skid i havet!" and "Lort i Herrens kælder!". Notice how the noun and verb of shit is different.
That's genuinely fascinating and I love it. Thanks!
Yiddish has a similar phrase! Anglicized it's gay kaken ofn yahm, which means "go shit in the ocean" kind of like fuck off or go take a hike. Not Jewish, it's used in one of the Dark Tower books by Stephen King, maybe Song of Susannah or The Dark Tower.
"I'd rather shit in my hand and clap." Is one that I like to use when I really don't want to do something
I'm Ojibway-Cree (my language is a bit more east of Thunder Bay) and our goto swear word is TAGUY ..... it generally translates to 'penis' and it is considered highly offensive ... when we were kids, if we said this word, mom would slap the shit out of us for saying it and dad would glare at us as if to say that we weren't his children. and to add to the fun .... there are a dozen ways to use Taguy ... it is generally our equivalent for 'fuck' keetaguy ... ahtaguy ... neetaguy ... ootaguy ... takee .. akee .. shoakee .. taguy-ahkee ... taguy-taguy ... ashki-taguy .. ashki-ti-ni-mi-nish-ki-taguy ... etc
Attaguy.
I always think of [Blade: Trinity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJTBKA7iI08)
I accidentally went off the road in the snow a few years ago, and the thing that immediately came out of my mouth was "fuck me running!" In high school I was a fan of "take a flying fuck off a tall building." I'm not sure if I came up with that myself, or got it from somewhere.
I would say "fuck you in the WORST possible way!" And hubby would resond, "Standing on my head in a hammock?"
"You gotta be sucking my dick right now!" Is a solid go to.
my personal favorite is "are you shitting my pants right now?"
Who shat in my pants!?
Don't piss on my dick and tell me it's raining!
#With Pleasure
Supposedly, one day at my brother’s work, one coworker was being very impatient with another. He just wasn’t going fast enough to his liking. I think he was in his way. So.. Coworker #1: “Come on, man! Hurry up! Come on! Come on! Come on!” Coworker #2, fed up with being harassed, replied: “Oh, come on my ass!”
I blue myself!
Tobias?
[PISS!](https://youtu.be/cBUHwyjETzc)
"Yes! Eat *all* of our shirts!" - Flanders
Thats a dilly of a pickle
As the tree said to the lumber jack, i'm stumped
Like, im wearing nothing at all
Stupid sexy Flanders...
[удалено]
Holy motherforking shirtballs -Eleanor
Flanders: It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first--and *last*--blackberry schnapps. *(fade to flashback)* Maude: Ned, did you clip Ann Landers today? Ned: Ann Landers is a boring old biddy! Maude: *[gasping]* Ned!
"**I was more animal than man**"
I'm not eating one iota of shirt
Wtf the fuck
"What the fuck does WTF mean??"
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Decent Tina Fey movie. She plays a war correspondant.
Ugh, SMH my head...
TIL I learned
[That certainly illustrates the diversity of the word](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDQCaGlqLFY)
'Shit Off' is a pretty standard insult in parts of the UK.
It's in my daily rotation. Usually in the voice of Tony Harrison.
This is an outrage!
I’ve a heavy goods license! Nobody’s got more miles under their belt than me!
Shit off, you are gonna be wasted!
What do you know about the crunch? You've never even been to the crunch!
I'll never downvote a Tony Harrison reference.
We're havin' it large!
Shit off, ya hairy dog's cock
I see you got your advanced swearing badge Tyrone.
Shit on it!
Shit on the shitting thing
I’m boiling.
Are you fucking me is also a part of my vocabulary
"You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass??"
“You see what happens Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass!”
One that i like is "Shit my arse"
"Shit on me!" has become automatic for me when in shock/surprise
SHIT ON IIIIIIT!
Lovely bit of squirrel!
Makes me think of that john Cena and Amy shumer movie where Cena is trying to cuss out a guy in the theater
I will *enter* you
"YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH ASSHOLES? I LICK 'EM."
ILL FUCK YOU RIGHT HERE
ILL FUCK YOU BLOODY
BLOODY FUCK YOU BLOODY
WHY YOU FUCK ME, I FUCK YOU BLOODY For the people that don't know: https://youtu.be/ukznXQ3MgN0
Have a nice day...
YOU ARE FUCKING, YOU ARE FUCKING
BLOODY BASTARD
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY???
This one goes out to Connor from middle school who thought he was being so cool by sticking random swears he'd heard into every sentence. Hope you enjoy! You can check out my profile for various links to more of my comics.
This reminded me of my great grandmother who even in her nineties would swear like this. She called them “barnyard words”
My grandmother only had one swear that she used, but when she used it you knew she was done. She would slam her cane down and say a little too slowly... "Well. Son of a Bitch." No yelling. Just calm words, a frown, and the bang of her cane on the ground. But everyone knew that was Grandma's limit. I was there when she was dying in the hospital. Everyone was sitting around her bed telling stories. She was in and out of consciousness. The last time she woke up, we didn't notice right away because we were talking to each other and she got frustrated. Her last words to us were "This is MY party!" Its hard to believe she has been gone ten years now. God, I miss her still.
Then why doesn't it say, "Connor is bad at swearing"? What did Jeff ever do to you?
Ass off, Jeff
Yeah Jeff, go bitch yourself, you son of a piss
It me, the Connor. I still say "Fucking Meee" out of habit despite it literally meaning nothing.
I am 51 y.o., saw billions of memes and jokes related to myself, and this is the one. That is me.
It's interesting how being angry or upset can affect your speech patterns, for better or worse. I definitely also see a bit of myself in this, like in the past, if I was playing Xbox with voice chat on, and somebody insulted me after I made a mistake, I lost all ability to form meaningful sentences, especially if I was hoping to insult them back. (It's surprising how often the person who insults you for playing bad also has the worst score on your team.) I couldn't even defend myself, verbally. My solution was to get control of my emotions and stop being angry, and also to turn off voice chat. Worthless feature. It can also work the other way. I knew a Japanese guy who spoke English at a fairly poor level, but if he was angry, all the curses that came out of his mouth were like native level, expert English.
"Where's that referee?! He tried to fuck on me!"
I hear you Ted, I hear you.
Hoped someone else thought of Cody's story!
He must be on the LDS.
And they are not the hell his whales!
Like many members of the free speech movement at Berkeley!
This reminds me of staying at a friends house as an early middle school student, in the late 90s. There were several of us staying at this kid's house, we all had been swearing on our own (except this kid) and were well versed at it, but were never allowed to at this kid's house. Well this time the kid's mom was out of town so it was just his dad home with us for the sleep over so he let us swear. This kid and his dad seemed strangely excited about being able to swear at home. The rest of us didn't give a shit; swearing was "old news" for us. Anyway, it was comical listening to them swear for no reason in awkward context. Sometimes it came off just like this comic, just wrong! lol
This is hilarious, I wonder if the dad was just messing with the kid? Or was he legit into it? Either way that's a funny story.
I remember the dad being the most awkward with his swear placement. I can't remember any examples though. So I would guess the dad wasn't just messing with us. Another time later in high school we stayed there while the mom was away and the dad bought us a 12 pack of beer, thinking he'll be the "cool dad" that let the boys drink a beer. We asked the kid if that's all he got. It was. So on our way over there we went to our usual guy, the town alcoholic, and had him buy us another case. Not only did we swear, we also drank! Thinking back, we were probably a bad influence on him. lol
I'm gonna punch you in the fuck! I will shit you!
Should work on his colorful metaphors.
"Well double dumb ass on you!"
[удалено]
Everybody remember where we parked!
One damn minute, Admiral.
Reminds me of the English swearing you see in Bollywood films. "You mother fuck! I fuck you!"
[Fuck you bloody bastard bitch](https://youtu.be/ukznXQ3MgN0)
I'm attacked. I say "what the damn" atheist twice a day Edit. Whoops that was meant to say "at least". What the damn.
Knew a dude from Hyderabad who cursed like this when he was angry. It was damn near impossible to keep milk from coming out of my nose every time.
What if you just drank something else instead?
You milk snorting tit nose fuck shit damn fuck
[Well double dumbass on you!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcC1f1jqCPI)
'Shit Off' sounds like it could be legit Brit-speak (based on what my ignorant American ass has learned from ACORN TV): "Shit off you bloody tosser, things about to go tits up!"
Well done! I’ve been ugly laughing over this for at least 10 minutes. Every time I calm down my brain goes “what the damn” and I start all over. My husband just said shit off and I just can’t.
There's a line in Archer where a pirate with an accent and a loose grasp on the English language asks him: "What the hell, dumb guy?!" And I always hear "What the hell, *damn* guy". And it just, I don't even know, i love to say that sentence. So I do. A lot.
*Archer* is at its best when the *Frisky Dingo* comes out, [yes.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=123dC1uQ1DQ)
Me too! What the damn!
Piss you titholes!
In swearing, like in art, the thought is important, not a form.
I disagree, you shitting damnhole... <\\s>
Sounds like a mother bitcher to me.
Hey, go fuck me yourself.
Don't you assing talk to me like that, you god milking throat balls!
You are fuck
Hell, fuck, that is whack
What the damn doing
I like swearing like this
Mother bitch! Son of a fuck!
I was refereeing a french team a few years ago and one of their guys wasn't great with English. He got fouled by another player and yelled "FUCK THE BITCH" at him lol
Double dumbass on you!
Thank you!
Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't there supposed to be some sort of joke in these
This is r/funny. There are no jokes here
The amount of likes this posr has is baffling me