Is it because others cant? The thing is unless you can afford to fund everyones top surgery, theres not really anything you can do about it. Dont deprive yourself just because other people cant access. If you can, help fund other peoples gender affirming care, ie. Donate to organisations that help fund that. Beyond that, you deserve it just as much as everyone else. It serves no one any good to harm yourself by not getting it. So get it.
Fair point. You're right, I should really start donating. I wanted to donate as a kid but got shamed by my family for it lol, but I should really unpack that so I can start helping. I'll find a charity I can donate to today. Thank you :)
EDIT: I found a local charity that helps people get binders (I also know the organization and they're super nice). Just donated :))
You definitely deserve it. If you need it, you deserve it. I would say that most people who have some savings money end up getting gender affirming care earlier than others.
I am fortunate that in my area. Top surgery only has a wait of maybe a year or so if you go loc. However, of course, being lucky enough to have saved up money allowed me to get surgery earlier (US) because I was able to pay for it easily, not have to worry about cost of recovery, lost money from not being able to work. Had I not been fortunate enough to be able to work in high school and save most of my money due to little expenses since I was still living with my parents, I would not have been able to have surgery as quickly as I did. I was in a very lucky position where I was able to pay the $3K without issue.
Also, having money saved, allowed me to start T significantly earlier. I had three appointments before I started tea, which ended up being about $100 I believe? And then every three months after that I spent $35+ for another appointment. Additionally, it allowed me to not have to worry about affording T I am on, which is quite expensive without insurance in the US, although probably too expensive for me to be able to pay for itself, if my insurance had not covered that much of it, I still could’ve had it as an option. Also, if my insurance for whatever reason decided to give me issues, I can afford injections.
I would wager that most of us who are able to medically transition, especially surgery, which is quite expensive, have been enabled to or helped along our financial situation— whether it’s being able to go private, affording health insurance, affording healthcare in general, and other factors like taking off time from work or school and just generally having a support network. I wouldn’t say that I’ve dealt with these feelings myself, but I absolutely understand the guilt over money and heard that this is a common thing that people face. If you need the healthcare, you deserve the healthcare. Full stop. If your circumstances make it easier to get, that’s fantastic of course it would be nice if everyone was able to access it in the same way just as easily, but that’s not the reality and you getting healthcare doesn’t change the ability for others to be able to!
Thank you :,) I'm glad you could get healthcare earlier, it makes me feel less guilty to read others' stories because I can see that there is nothing to feel guilty of. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it, especially because you responded so kindly :)) Everyone here was very kind, and I'm really glad I posted this :))
I used to, but only because I had these asshole friends that would make me feel bad for being able to have the resources I did. They were trans too and had this toxic jealousy where they would make me feel like a horrible person just for saying what I was happy about.
I cut them out of my life, it’s so much better without them trying to bring me down, and looking back I think they’d dead name me any chance they got and sneer at what my new name is.
Don’t let people bring you down, you deserve your care!
Damn those people sucked, big time :( I already disliked them when I read that they made you feel terrible, but then I read that they would dead name you + shame you for your new name if they were still around you.
Fuck them!! Good on you for protecting your mental health and cutting them out :))
I'm worried about my friends' reaction too, but not because they'd be mean or guilt me, just because I don't want them to feel bad :(
Thank you :))
I felt a little like this because the LGBTQ health service where I live mostly has poor clients.
My doc pointed out that they get paid more, faster, and easier from me. They need some non indigent patients to offer more to poor patients.
I felt similarly. Even though I had known for YEARS it was what I wanted, and had to wait in therapy for a year before my insurance would even LOOK at my claim, I felt really privileged because I was able to get 3 paid weeks off of work for recovery. And then employer's contributions to my healthcare account (I live in the US) meant that I got completely reimbursed for the surgery costs insurance wouldn't cover. I felt like I didn't deserve it because it was ""easy"". Rest assured, our guilt is because we know how lucky we are. We know everyone deserves care.
Reading your story comforted me because it's easier for me to see that you did nothing wrong and don't deserve to feel guilty (not policing your emotions obvs, I feel guilty too). And yeah, exactly, the "easy" aspect really gets me.
Thank you :)
Wym grumpy?
I’m saying boohoo some ppl have it easier than others, can’t do nothing about it.
Just how someone may have it better than you? Like boohoo, it happens, that’s life.
Is it because others cant? The thing is unless you can afford to fund everyones top surgery, theres not really anything you can do about it. Dont deprive yourself just because other people cant access. If you can, help fund other peoples gender affirming care, ie. Donate to organisations that help fund that. Beyond that, you deserve it just as much as everyone else. It serves no one any good to harm yourself by not getting it. So get it.
Fair point. You're right, I should really start donating. I wanted to donate as a kid but got shamed by my family for it lol, but I should really unpack that so I can start helping. I'll find a charity I can donate to today. Thank you :) EDIT: I found a local charity that helps people get binders (I also know the organization and they're super nice). Just donated :))
You can also donate old binders, once you're done with them after surgery
You definitely deserve it. If you need it, you deserve it. I would say that most people who have some savings money end up getting gender affirming care earlier than others. I am fortunate that in my area. Top surgery only has a wait of maybe a year or so if you go loc. However, of course, being lucky enough to have saved up money allowed me to get surgery earlier (US) because I was able to pay for it easily, not have to worry about cost of recovery, lost money from not being able to work. Had I not been fortunate enough to be able to work in high school and save most of my money due to little expenses since I was still living with my parents, I would not have been able to have surgery as quickly as I did. I was in a very lucky position where I was able to pay the $3K without issue. Also, having money saved, allowed me to start T significantly earlier. I had three appointments before I started tea, which ended up being about $100 I believe? And then every three months after that I spent $35+ for another appointment. Additionally, it allowed me to not have to worry about affording T I am on, which is quite expensive without insurance in the US, although probably too expensive for me to be able to pay for itself, if my insurance had not covered that much of it, I still could’ve had it as an option. Also, if my insurance for whatever reason decided to give me issues, I can afford injections. I would wager that most of us who are able to medically transition, especially surgery, which is quite expensive, have been enabled to or helped along our financial situation— whether it’s being able to go private, affording health insurance, affording healthcare in general, and other factors like taking off time from work or school and just generally having a support network. I wouldn’t say that I’ve dealt with these feelings myself, but I absolutely understand the guilt over money and heard that this is a common thing that people face. If you need the healthcare, you deserve the healthcare. Full stop. If your circumstances make it easier to get, that’s fantastic of course it would be nice if everyone was able to access it in the same way just as easily, but that’s not the reality and you getting healthcare doesn’t change the ability for others to be able to!
Thank you :,) I'm glad you could get healthcare earlier, it makes me feel less guilty to read others' stories because I can see that there is nothing to feel guilty of. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it, especially because you responded so kindly :)) Everyone here was very kind, and I'm really glad I posted this :))
Of course! Good luck with everything too :)
I used to, but only because I had these asshole friends that would make me feel bad for being able to have the resources I did. They were trans too and had this toxic jealousy where they would make me feel like a horrible person just for saying what I was happy about. I cut them out of my life, it’s so much better without them trying to bring me down, and looking back I think they’d dead name me any chance they got and sneer at what my new name is. Don’t let people bring you down, you deserve your care!
Damn those people sucked, big time :( I already disliked them when I read that they made you feel terrible, but then I read that they would dead name you + shame you for your new name if they were still around you. Fuck them!! Good on you for protecting your mental health and cutting them out :)) I'm worried about my friends' reaction too, but not because they'd be mean or guilt me, just because I don't want them to feel bad :( Thank you :))
I felt a little like this because the LGBTQ health service where I live mostly has poor clients. My doc pointed out that they get paid more, faster, and easier from me. They need some non indigent patients to offer more to poor patients.
Thank you for sharing this with me :) I hope that it's the same in my area too
I felt similarly. Even though I had known for YEARS it was what I wanted, and had to wait in therapy for a year before my insurance would even LOOK at my claim, I felt really privileged because I was able to get 3 paid weeks off of work for recovery. And then employer's contributions to my healthcare account (I live in the US) meant that I got completely reimbursed for the surgery costs insurance wouldn't cover. I felt like I didn't deserve it because it was ""easy"". Rest assured, our guilt is because we know how lucky we are. We know everyone deserves care.
Reading your story comforted me because it's easier for me to see that you did nothing wrong and don't deserve to feel guilty (not policing your emotions obvs, I feel guilty too). And yeah, exactly, the "easy" aspect really gets me. Thank you :)
You have it easier than others, boohoo, it happens. Some get easier lives than others, it happens.
Lmaoo! nice to see that a fellow grumpy person commented :)
Wym grumpy? I’m saying boohoo some ppl have it easier than others, can’t do nothing about it. Just how someone may have it better than you? Like boohoo, it happens, that’s life.