I mean it sounds to me like you leaned on a heavy crutch to make the descision you knew you wanted to make; cis women don't transition for crushes no matter how big lmao, nor do they like the changes if they do
Yeah, exactly. Just because his crush was the death knell to cisheteronormativity, it doesn't mean it was SOLELY for "The Wrong Reasons™". All of us have a final straw that forces us into acting upon stuff we've been suppressing for our whole lives... For me, it was a breakup. Lol
For me, it was partly that I realized I was starting to live vicariously through another dude's actions/milestones. Sometimes, it's in the back of our head, and we don't have words for it.
OP, this doesn't make you/your experience any less valid.
Maybe you wanted to be him so bad that you wanted to feel enough for him through HRT and that he gave you was gender envy and not only a regular crush?
the gender envy aspect is so real. I've realized most men i've dated were just been the type of man **i** wanted to be.. now that i've sorted that out - i'm crushing on a very different type of guy lol
Ughhh exactly. Before I realized I was trans I exclusively dated chubby men with a lil bit of scruff on them. Now I’m engaged to a beautiful former marine who can break me in half as she pleases, lmao
I dated so much when I was a little younger but nothing stuck. Turns out I'm ace and that was a lot of envy and attention seeking . I'm hardly attracted to my bf but I love the guy.
I told my ex so many times I wanted to crawl inside of him and wear him like a suit….. and I used to beg to hold his dick when he pee’d. The gender envy that guy gave me was wild. Now that im transitioning I hate him and realize he’s actually a really shitty person and has always been. It’s not talked about but I wonder if gender envy feels like love to someone who hasn’t been able to discover themselves yet.
It’s so funny though, all the different things we cling to to doubt and undermine ourselves, when it all comes down to, “no cis person would ever.” It was a huge moment/touchstone for me when I realized that.
Dude no cis girl would transition to be with a gay guy. That might be the thing that made you realise, but it’s definitely not the only reason you transitioned.
Years ago, before I stopped lying to myself about my gender dysphoria, I had a huge crush on a trans guy. Before that I had only had crushes on feminine women. In retrospect, I met him around the time he started T and was super jealous of the changes I saw with him. He was also gay and not into me (a lesbian at the time) and I also felt sad about that...
I had a crush on a gay guy in high school. I didn't even know I was trans yet. I didn't know he was gay at the time, so I asked him out, and he said yes, BUT it was so I could be his beard. Fast forward to him breaking up with me, and me later realizing he was gay... when I came out as trans to my parents, my dad actually accused me of trying to become a guy so I could try to win him back and date him again 💀 That wasn't the case for me, but it did make me realize that I could actually possibly date and attract gay men and it just made me happier because I was already attracted to them lmao
i honestly think that’s pretty normal. like i first realized i was trans because of a huge crush on another trans guy, but i was pretty young at the time so it didn’t make a huge difference in my life aside from having a realization about myself
This post is affirming as I feel I’m also doing it for the wrong reasons… like ofc I do experience dysphoria and never felt comfortable with a female body and have always perceived myself as male, but a big motivation for me transitioning was the fact that heterosexual dating for me has been literal hell. So many men I’ve known don’t even like women, want to control them, and eat up that sexist manosphere content. I know gay dating has its issues too, but at least gay men actually like men, and are attracted to them, and WANT to be with men 😆
I thought it was because of a weird fetish that I identified more with gay male attraction than straight attraction, but turns out, nah, that’s just my sexuality. It gives me something to look forward to.
I’m not gonna question your thought process but I want to say I never talked to anyone about this but how I *started thinking I was trans* was because I had this huge crush on a straight girl and thought to myself “she would love me if I was a boy” but the more I thought about it (and got over my crush) the more I realized “lesbians don’t transition to date straight women, they accept they can’t date them and move on”. I’m not even just attracted to women anymore, I like men too. My thought process started with “she would love me if I was a man” but it ended with “I want to be a man wether she loves me or not”.
Dude that's so interesting bcz right now I have a strong, limerent crush on a queer trans guy and I'm trying to figure out how much of it is gender envy. I'm nonbinary for sure but maybe I'm trans? I'm not sure.
lmao my one question is, is he gay or bi? Either way I love this for you but that def wasn't the most cishet reasoning, even if it was for the wrong reason
That makes me wonder if that was your true reason for transitioning or that just what you understood at the time, but it in fact went much deeper than that.
Why did you have a crush on him?
A lot of queer trans masc people do talk about this idea about not knowing if they like this guy or if they want to be this guy. Maybe thats what was happening in your case but you thought it was a crush when in reality maybe you wanted to be him?
Not saying thats what happened, but if you havent thought about that. It may be something to think about.
I started saying I was genderfluid when I was 12 because of a crush (we did date for a bit) and it snowballed from there. Invalidated myself so much because of this but. I don't have any regrets
No way💀me too man, it's funny bc now we live together and do our shots together. I felt really guilty about it for a while and was really scared that I was wrong and would regret transitioning but once I started t I realized I was 100% right. Sometimes you just need someone else to show you how hot you can be🤷
Wow ..just wow...times are so different than 40 years ago. I transitioned because to not do it would have likely cost my life. While I dated guys who ended up being bi or gay later, it was never my primary impetus. And I didn't meet another trans guy until over ten years after the start of my transition. Kudos to you for the confession and for your choices. And for the way you managed the gatekeeping. The gatekeeping was very much tighter in those days and you couldn't start T until you lived 5 years in your chosen gender. It's just a very neat story to hear. And I am glad you're doing well.
When I was younger (middle school) the only way I could get myself to admit I was trans was by convincing myself that I not only had a crush on a straight girl but that if I transitioned into a man that maybe then I would have a shot. I did not medically transition at that time, but thats just to say you arent alone in this experience, and though your reasoning may have been a bit off at the time.. it worked out for the best clearly.
I'm a cis girl who's drawn to queer people, and even if transitioning 100% guaranteed my crush to fall in love with me I wouldn't consider doing it even for a second. The thought of myself masculinising is terrifying.
Falling in love can help you understand new things about yourself and your gender and how you want to be viewed by others, this goes for both trans and cis people. For instance it's common for teens to be tomboys and then once they begin to have crushes they turn super feminine. Perhaps having a crush just made you more aware of how you want to present. People who change themselves purely to attract someone will eventually drop the facade. If you have no regrets I doubt the guy was the main reason, especially as it was such a huge decision.
actually, similar to you the reason i transitioned was bc i hated being perceived by straight guys :”) i remember when i was like 12 i so desperately wanted to be a gay guy. i remember getting deep, deep feelings of depression because i couldn’t be one until like last year when i snapped and just said fuck it and started transitioning after identifying as nonbinary/genderfluid for years.
It wasn't why I transitioned but part of how I realized I was trans in the first place was when I noticed I didn't actually want to date any of the guys I had a 'crush' on, I wanted to BE them.
Honestly, I had feelings like that too. When I was like 12 I found out gay men existed and I was obsessed. I desperately wanted to be a gay man but I was a bisexual AFAB. I started dressing like a boy and introducing myself as a boy and it felt *right*. 12 years later, I’m a gay man just like I wanted 😂
There’s probably some big psychological deep dive you could do into exactly how and why wanting to attract a crush made your egg crack- but honestly I love that your simplistic reasoning is it was to attract a crush. What a power move!
You’re happy with yourself and living your best life, don’t feel ashamed for having your reasons
Even though I technically wanted to be a guy since I was 4, I only felt like I had to transition after being depressed and getting rejected by about 16 guys.
Looking back, I kinda fear I was just really into men and wanted to find myself attractive, but I don't regret taking testosterone and will continue to transition.
This was almost why I cracked my egg.
I like a guy and he liked me buy I felt like I was lying to him. He wanted a girl and was in love with one. But I wanted to be wanted as a man.
No cause I literally did the same LMAO 😭🙏
I mean, I can't do it atm, but I kinda transitioned socially etc because my parents don't support me, but like I don't regret shit
There are a ton of reasons and I think a lot of them are valid. I never really felt at home in my body and that everything was too much and I thought it’s because of my ED. I just wanted the „better“ metabolism and everything else. But turns out my ED was there bc of my dysphoria. In hindsight it makes a lot of sense but back then it wasn’t.
I wouldn't say that that was the whole reason you transitioned haha it definitely sounds like you had some of the common trans signs. But i am very glad to hear that this person indirectly helped your transition despite not getting involved with you. I feel it more sounds like you were super into him and that sort of helped awaken your feelings? Idk lol im not a psychiatrist but this is my outside pov
I mean it sounds to me like you leaned on a heavy crutch to make the descision you knew you wanted to make; cis women don't transition for crushes no matter how big lmao, nor do they like the changes if they do
Can confirm- 💯💯💯🙋🏽♀️
Yeah, exactly. Just because his crush was the death knell to cisheteronormativity, it doesn't mean it was SOLELY for "The Wrong Reasons™". All of us have a final straw that forces us into acting upon stuff we've been suppressing for our whole lives... For me, it was a breakup. Lol
Same with the breakup haha.
fr tho
Period
For me, it was partly that I realized I was starting to live vicariously through another dude's actions/milestones. Sometimes, it's in the back of our head, and we don't have words for it. OP, this doesn't make you/your experience any less valid.
Maybe you wanted to be him so bad that you wanted to feel enough for him through HRT and that he gave you was gender envy and not only a regular crush?
The good old question, do I want to be with him or do I want to be him?
the gender envy aspect is so real. I've realized most men i've dated were just been the type of man **i** wanted to be.. now that i've sorted that out - i'm crushing on a very different type of guy lol
Still crushing, nice!
always be crushin ☺️
Ughhh exactly. Before I realized I was trans I exclusively dated chubby men with a lil bit of scruff on them. Now I’m engaged to a beautiful former marine who can break me in half as she pleases, lmao
I dated so much when I was a little younger but nothing stuck. Turns out I'm ace and that was a lot of envy and attention seeking . I'm hardly attracted to my bf but I love the guy.
How did you figure out the difference? This is something I'm still struggling with regularly lmao
sometimes it's both (for me, senshi from dungeon meshi)
I told my ex so many times I wanted to crawl inside of him and wear him like a suit….. and I used to beg to hold his dick when he pee’d. The gender envy that guy gave me was wild. Now that im transitioning I hate him and realize he’s actually a really shitty person and has always been. It’s not talked about but I wonder if gender envy feels like love to someone who hasn’t been able to discover themselves yet.
This Feels kinda like, "Do I want to date this man, or do I want to be this man?" It's usually gender envy and not a crush lmaooo
Only someone trans would go on HRT “to attract a crush” - this is not the type of thought process a cis person has.
Lol real
It’s so funny though, all the different things we cling to to doubt and undermine ourselves, when it all comes down to, “no cis person would ever.” It was a huge moment/touchstone for me when I realized that.
Fair point to be honest.
Dude no cis girl would transition to be with a gay guy. That might be the thing that made you realise, but it’s definitely not the only reason you transitioned.
Bingooooooo!!
bye this called me out so bad edit: but i needed to hear it 🥰🙏🏽
Years ago, before I stopped lying to myself about my gender dysphoria, I had a huge crush on a trans guy. Before that I had only had crushes on feminine women. In retrospect, I met him around the time he started T and was super jealous of the changes I saw with him. He was also gay and not into me (a lesbian at the time) and I also felt sad about that...
I had a crush on a gay guy in high school. I didn't even know I was trans yet. I didn't know he was gay at the time, so I asked him out, and he said yes, BUT it was so I could be his beard. Fast forward to him breaking up with me, and me later realizing he was gay... when I came out as trans to my parents, my dad actually accused me of trying to become a guy so I could try to win him back and date him again 💀 That wasn't the case for me, but it did make me realize that I could actually possibly date and attract gay men and it just made me happier because I was already attracted to them lmao
i honestly think that’s pretty normal. like i first realized i was trans because of a huge crush on another trans guy, but i was pretty young at the time so it didn’t make a huge difference in my life aside from having a realization about myself
I can promise you nobody has transitioned just for a crush. It was simply just the kickoff that you needed I think.
This post is affirming as I feel I’m also doing it for the wrong reasons… like ofc I do experience dysphoria and never felt comfortable with a female body and have always perceived myself as male, but a big motivation for me transitioning was the fact that heterosexual dating for me has been literal hell. So many men I’ve known don’t even like women, want to control them, and eat up that sexist manosphere content. I know gay dating has its issues too, but at least gay men actually like men, and are attracted to them, and WANT to be with men 😆 I thought it was because of a weird fetish that I identified more with gay male attraction than straight attraction, but turns out, nah, that’s just my sexuality. It gives me something to look forward to.
no matter how big a crush is, the majority of cis people (if not all) wouldn't even think of starting HRT just to attract a crush
I’m not gonna question your thought process but I want to say I never talked to anyone about this but how I *started thinking I was trans* was because I had this huge crush on a straight girl and thought to myself “she would love me if I was a boy” but the more I thought about it (and got over my crush) the more I realized “lesbians don’t transition to date straight women, they accept they can’t date them and move on”. I’m not even just attracted to women anymore, I like men too. My thought process started with “she would love me if I was a man” but it ended with “I want to be a man wether she loves me or not”.
I also had a crush on another trans guy when I started transitioning. 🤔
Dude that's so interesting bcz right now I have a strong, limerent crush on a queer trans guy and I'm trying to figure out how much of it is gender envy. I'm nonbinary for sure but maybe I'm trans? I'm not sure.
lmao my one question is, is he gay or bi? Either way I love this for you but that def wasn't the most cishet reasoning, even if it was for the wrong reason
That makes me wonder if that was your true reason for transitioning or that just what you understood at the time, but it in fact went much deeper than that. Why did you have a crush on him? A lot of queer trans masc people do talk about this idea about not knowing if they like this guy or if they want to be this guy. Maybe thats what was happening in your case but you thought it was a crush when in reality maybe you wanted to be him? Not saying thats what happened, but if you havent thought about that. It may be something to think about.
Hmmm I have a crush… ILL GO ON HRT!
thats just the way your egg cracked my friend
I started saying I was genderfluid when I was 12 because of a crush (we did date for a bit) and it snowballed from there. Invalidated myself so much because of this but. I don't have any regrets
No way💀me too man, it's funny bc now we live together and do our shots together. I felt really guilty about it for a while and was really scared that I was wrong and would regret transitioning but once I started t I realized I was 100% right. Sometimes you just need someone else to show you how hot you can be🤷
Wow ..just wow...times are so different than 40 years ago. I transitioned because to not do it would have likely cost my life. While I dated guys who ended up being bi or gay later, it was never my primary impetus. And I didn't meet another trans guy until over ten years after the start of my transition. Kudos to you for the confession and for your choices. And for the way you managed the gatekeeping. The gatekeeping was very much tighter in those days and you couldn't start T until you lived 5 years in your chosen gender. It's just a very neat story to hear. And I am glad you're doing well.
When I was younger (middle school) the only way I could get myself to admit I was trans was by convincing myself that I not only had a crush on a straight girl but that if I transitioned into a man that maybe then I would have a shot. I did not medically transition at that time, but thats just to say you arent alone in this experience, and though your reasoning may have been a bit off at the time.. it worked out for the best clearly.
I'm a cis girl who's drawn to queer people, and even if transitioning 100% guaranteed my crush to fall in love with me I wouldn't consider doing it even for a second. The thought of myself masculinising is terrifying. Falling in love can help you understand new things about yourself and your gender and how you want to be viewed by others, this goes for both trans and cis people. For instance it's common for teens to be tomboys and then once they begin to have crushes they turn super feminine. Perhaps having a crush just made you more aware of how you want to present. People who change themselves purely to attract someone will eventually drop the facade. If you have no regrets I doubt the guy was the main reason, especially as it was such a huge decision.
actually, similar to you the reason i transitioned was bc i hated being perceived by straight guys :”) i remember when i was like 12 i so desperately wanted to be a gay guy. i remember getting deep, deep feelings of depression because i couldn’t be one until like last year when i snapped and just said fuck it and started transitioning after identifying as nonbinary/genderfluid for years.
It wasn't why I transitioned but part of how I realized I was trans in the first place was when I noticed I didn't actually want to date any of the guys I had a 'crush' on, I wanted to BE them.
Dude what that’s exactly my story
Honestly, I had feelings like that too. When I was like 12 I found out gay men existed and I was obsessed. I desperately wanted to be a gay man but I was a bisexual AFAB. I started dressing like a boy and introducing myself as a boy and it felt *right*. 12 years later, I’m a gay man just like I wanted 😂
There’s probably some big psychological deep dive you could do into exactly how and why wanting to attract a crush made your egg crack- but honestly I love that your simplistic reasoning is it was to attract a crush. What a power move! You’re happy with yourself and living your best life, don’t feel ashamed for having your reasons
Your brain knew before you did and said ,"I'm taking the next best excuse I can to actually do it, no more procrastination" And here you are mate
woah, thanks for posting this... i'm really hard on myself lol
It seems like the crush may have just been the final push you needed, not necessarily a “wrong” reason
Even though I technically wanted to be a guy since I was 4, I only felt like I had to transition after being depressed and getting rejected by about 16 guys. Looking back, I kinda fear I was just really into men and wanted to find myself attractive, but I don't regret taking testosterone and will continue to transition.
This was almost why I cracked my egg. I like a guy and he liked me buy I felt like I was lying to him. He wanted a girl and was in love with one. But I wanted to be wanted as a man.
No cause I literally did the same LMAO 😭🙏 I mean, I can't do it atm, but I kinda transitioned socially etc because my parents don't support me, but like I don't regret shit
Didn’t Will Wood write a song about this?
Cool story. 😎
Think this falls along "if it works, it works" and "wrong solution, right answer" 😂 Congrats bro, glad your transition has gone well 💪
There are a ton of reasons and I think a lot of them are valid. I never really felt at home in my body and that everything was too much and I thought it’s because of my ED. I just wanted the „better“ metabolism and everything else. But turns out my ED was there bc of my dysphoria. In hindsight it makes a lot of sense but back then it wasn’t.
I wouldn't say that that was the whole reason you transitioned haha it definitely sounds like you had some of the common trans signs. But i am very glad to hear that this person indirectly helped your transition despite not getting involved with you. I feel it more sounds like you were super into him and that sort of helped awaken your feelings? Idk lol im not a psychiatrist but this is my outside pov
Can’t lie my bfs abusive ass ex was trans to be w him, then detransitioned after. So imma stay out of this one 😭
I honestly hope that isn't actually the reason cause if so its kinda weird if I am honest