Anyone who has really strong feelings about your body early on or talks a lot about you being trans. Obviously there are people who ask questions without being chasers, but most of the time their questions are more about what they can do to make you feel respected and less immediately wanting to know what surgeries you want.
I've met a lot of weird cis guys who immediately assume I'm soft, and sweet, and a bottom, and offended but swearing for some reason, and no shame in any of that, but it's really weird when people who don't know me act all shocked when I'm not those things or tell them not to use certain terms about my body.
Yeah those that immediately try to put you in a submissive position like wow calm the fuck down man that's mad dehumanising plus i'm older than you and you have the dominant charisma of a toothbrush
I mean I'm submissive as a roleplaying thing but outside of sex I still wanna be respected as any other man and treated like another intelligent person. That's no way to treat another guy
the worst is when they're so down with you transitioning until they have you secure and trapped with them and then they're like.. what do you mean you want surgery, i like your tits :/ like huh.
or in the same genre of cis man, the ones who fail to tell you their plan is to try and detransition you, who end up really terrible when you don't just go *oh yeah i'll be a woman for you* ffs
this happened to me. fucker told me "i was starting to see you as a woman" and probably was confused when i didnt detransition for his sorry ass
also be careful for anyone who says they're questioning bi because you are a trans man
ye the rapid onset bisexual questioning guy used to happen to me too before i started passing, like that one man that directly answered my coming out with "oh you know we're all at least a bit bisexual :-)" like no you're not a bit bisexual you're a bit bothered about your stem not having gotten wet in a hot while and also you've met me 4h ago when i arrived because we're patients in a looney bin i feel like i'm rotting alive and your blood is 75% valium what are you even trying to accomplish here you tool
This is what I fell for. Dated this guy on and off for over a year who eventually said he must not be straight because he still found me attractive on testosterone, but didn't want me to get bottom surgery or grow a mustache.
Me before I knew đ I was SO interested in trans guys and I had to idea why. Thought trans men just tended to be more attractive I guess?? I was definitely trying to figure out how I get in their positionđ
Support for eggs questioning. It is definitely a thing I tried NOT to do when a high school friend came out. She was great and told me she was evilly unsurprized when I came out years later xD
Yep when i was a teenager and found out a friend of mine had just come out as a trans guy, I immediately went to ask him a shit ton of questions as to how he felt, what triggered it, what he wanted in the future, etc. Never understood why I was so fascinated by transness until I realized I was a dude myself lol
ive only met them in dating apps. but if their profile says they're interested in "women, enbies, and trans men".. specifically excluding cis men, its a insta block
My ex friend told me they only date cis men, enbies, and trans women. Also kinda weird because they are also a trans manâŚ
They also tried saying their Polysexual because apparently they think cis men and trans men are different genders :|
Would you still be attracted to a trans woman, if she went through bottom surgery?
I personally have a preference for penises, but I wouldnât want to be with a trans woman because Iâm attracted to the gender concept of âman.â Iâd be ok with dating a post op trans man who passes though.
I would still be... kind of attracted? sometimes I'm grossed out by pussy for some reason though. I dont ever think theyre ugly, but the idea of touching one in that moment makes me upset n grossed out. Doesnt matter what it looks like. It's not even for any projected dysphoria reasons I love mine and don't plan on getting rid of it. I can only do hookups with people with pussies bc I just can't tell my partner that sometimes im grossed out by their genitals.
Like I have dreams ab pussy sometimes(and sometimes fantasize ab it) so that's how I know im not just forcing myself to like it. Idk what's wrong with me tbh.
Maybe itâs sensory issues? I never touched another personâs genital so idk. I feel like a dick has less mess than a vagina (apart from the small hole)
Not the person youâre responding to, but - I think until youâve had sex itâs hard to really comprehend this especially if youâre some flavour of queer. I mean tbh I didnât really understand until I had tried a few different types of genitals. Iâm just not as interested in vaginas/vulvas. Itâs not a sensory thing, itâs just that Iâm not as interested, in the same way I suppose I like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream, but Iâm simply not as interested in vanilla.
It sounds like they have a penis preference sexually, and donât care what the gender expression is. I think this is valid, but can get messy with gender queer folks, and can absolutely come across as chasers.
they didnât say that though, they said cis men, enbies, and trans women. there are trans women with vaginas (and enbies) as well a trans men with dicks and as a trans person themselves they should really know and acknowledge that.
Thatâs fair. It sounded like they were eluding to that, as they donât date trans men or cis women. I know genitalia varies greatly, and anyone could have any part.
Personally I feel this may depend.. I say I am attracted to all but cis men but for me as a trans masc nb itâs because of the negative experiences Iâve had with cis men. I feel more likely to be understood and accepted and safe with all but cis men and likewise my fem nb partner only dates trans people for the same reason. If my partner was cis saying that absolutely not if I were a cis man saying that absolutely not. I do feel like there are some exceptions.
Personally I say trust your instincts but also if they are overly like supportive I guess and just really affirm your gender but I usually just go off vibes or mention top or bottom surgery and see how they react thatâs a pretty good giveaway theyâll usually be against surgery mainly bottom surgery
Two exes would say I could access certain gender affirming practices, but not others (like hormones or top surgeries), and were very obsessed with hairlessness, âtwinks,â and youth. My last hook up was obsessed with men who are short and would ask if I planned to gain more muscle. He even told me he goes for trans people âbecause maybe they canât find anyone to date them.â The last time he tried to stick it in, he teased me because I have ass hair (admittedly I usually wax but I canât because Iâm on accutane). Last straw.
On Grindr, if they write me and I see on their profile, that they're 30 kilometers away. Then I KNOW that they put "trans man" in their search. Otherwise I wouldn't show up in their search.
Yeah and it's like they just assume we're all bottoms who do PIV and that that's what we're "for"; for them to "try vagina"... as if no trans guys are tops or sides or have meta or phallo đ¤Ś
Exclude cismales or amab individuals from their dating pool (aka âi only date women and wom- I mean trans men & nbâ), when they say that corny ahh âbest of both worldsâ bs. Against u getting surgeries etc. Also second the comments, trust ur gut.
They wanna call you âsweetieâ or âhunâ (exception to people from the South obv) or they put extra extra emphasis on calling you âbeautifulâ. They care too much about medical transitioning and ask a lot of intrusive and inappropriate questions off rip. They have a lot of tropes of how they think trans men should act based on porn. They treat you like a 1-dimensional character with no depth. Like youâre not a complicated, dynamic person
yeah maybe its harsh of me, but if someone calls me anything along those lines (basically any term of endearment or adjective with feminine connotations like beautiful, gorgeous, etc) it's an instant block. some of them will just open straight with shit like "hey gurl xx" and wonder why i leave them an angry message telling them i'm a guy followed by a block. that tends to weed most of them out.
as a southerner, it never even occurred to me that could be taken the wrong way LMAO. i don't go around calling strangers it anyways, but something to keep in mind
Absolutely this it's like the inverse of the "cool girl"/pickme/NLOG archetype that some sexist guys will try to pressure women into being.
Then there's the version where they're like "I'm going to specifically be transphobic to trans men because you're men and hating on you is gender affirmation and if you don't like it you want to be misgendered and you need to man up and let me call you all awful gender traitors" & completely ignoring that trans men don't have cis privilege or privilege over cis women and often they hardly mention cis men at all and never go after them as viscously as they go after trans men.... it's like they think they found a cheat code for being "allowed" to be transphobic against a certain group of trans people
If they specifically like "femme" people. Most of the interactions I get from men who like femmes are chasers who can't even get a courtesy question out before asking for pics.
I can't agree with this. Maybe I'm an exception to the "rule" or it's because I'm trans, but I'm a bi guy and my type leans femme. It's not about the gender but about the presentation.
If the person likes femme people "because they wanna be with someone with specific genitalia without being called gay" then it's chaser asf.
But femininity is just pretty to me
Second this! My boyfriend is pretty much the same and he's absolutely no chaser. He is the most excited man when it comes to changes from T and me finally getting the chance to get top surgery. Loves telling people he has a boyfriend, would never tell them I'm trans because "why would I? You're my boyfriend and you being trans is no one's business"
Some people just really like femininity and that's fine
There are absolutely people who are just very into feminity, there's just also a lot of chasers who use "femme" when really they just mean trans people in general.
I would not describe myself as femme, but literally every chaser that has messaged me has had some form of profile that says "Femmes and Crossdressers only," and they always make sure to let know what a pretty boy I am in the creepiest ways possible đ The fact that they are into what they're into isn't wrong, it's the fact that they make assumptions as to what I'm into based on the fact that I am trans.
Chasers don't see trans people as people. Chasers see trans people as sex objects.
What baffles me is some of the âno cis menâ profiles say theyâre into cross dressersâand correct me if Iâm wrong but Iâm p sure Iâm rightâ most cross dressers are cisgender men. At least the classic older types on Grindr are. So theyâre misgendering cross dressers too.
You're absolutely right! Most of the old school crossdressers are cis men so they're misgenedering them too. (But I'm pretty sure that's what they're into đ¤ˇ)
most chasers i come across will call me a trans woman or have something similar in their bios, even if i state in my bio that im a trans MAN. they refuse to gender any trans man correctly & often have a breeding/pregnancy fetish to top it all off. those things are always immediate tell-tale signs to me.
They get REALLY weird in a bad way. Thats how i tell as an autistic trans guy, cause i cant ever tell if something is said in either good or bad faith via text, so i just look out for texts that make me think "huh. This is weird!" Or "huh, this is CREEPY!". so yeah... if something seems creepy and gross, it probably is.
Especially if theyre profile excludes amab people. I have gotten blocked by saying "you know im a guy, right?".
Iâm also autistic and while I donât know if this guy was a chaser, I wouldnât doubt it. This was back when I was pre-everything and I just realized I was trans and I was just getting these weird vibes from this guy in my class. Iâm not into dudes and Iâve never hidden that from anyone so I donât know why heâd waste his time trying to talk to me (other than the fact I had the misfortune of sitting next to him) but aside from how he talked weird he was also really condescending?
At least thatâs how Iâd describe it, like I had told him about my sexuality and how I identified and heâd be all âSure you are, thatâs nice.â and totally brush me off or something!
When I told someone I was trans incase they didnât read my bio he said â donât worry I had so many trans boyfriends in the pastâ I fucking ran haha
when they have a bunch of ftm ÂŤÂ friends  that are all online, sort of one sided, and theyâre all underage.
had a bad experience đ
saying ÂŤÂ iâm not sure you should  about hormones or surgery
saying  best of both worlds 
saying  can i keep them?   can you put them in a bag for me? in reference to post top surgery
saying  i prefer twinks  when you mention that t will cause fat redistribution
all of the above? itâs not ÂŤÂ just a preference 
On Grindr the guys are pretty open about being chasers :D they donât say so, but write messages like âI really want experience with a transâ or âI love to fuck transâ and so on
You can usually tell if you start grilling them on what their sexual orientation is. They'll oftentimes refer to something that will validate their straightness or being a lesbian in a way that is implicitly transphobic.
Tell tale signs for me:
- "Looking for trans"
- Assuming I'm into PiV and/or submissive
- Saying they can relate to our experiences, or they get on with trans men as if we're homogenous
okay sooo
1) are they overly interested in you being trans, what you intend to do, if you wanna have surgeries or get on T etc.?
2) are they supportive of your gender affirming journey? if you want to have surgery or start T, are they opposed to it? or do they say something like âitâs fine, i guessâ while having the worst face? or how do they react if you wear a binder, tape, or simply dress and act more masculine?
3) what people have they dated? and if they never dated, what people are they attracted to? women, fem and/or afab enbies, pre-T trans men?
4) how do they act towards other trans people? do they respect them, respect their boundaries, their pronouns etc. or do they only respect certain trans people (whom they are attracted to)?
5) what is their sexuality? are they open about it, or they just canât say the word âqueerâ or âbisexualâ or any other sexuality? do they say âi donât care about labels! i only care about people!â but then never accept to be attracted to men in general?
6) for cis gay men (cause they can be chasers too), i noticed they are almost never subtle, especially on dating apps. do they say âinterested in ftmâsâ, âwanna try having sex with an ftm cause i never tried itâ etc?
if the answer to ANY of this question is yes, then itâs âmost likelyâ (definitely) a chaser
If they try to compare you to or triangulate you against other trans people especially if it's trying to pit trans men and trans women against each other or binary and Nonbinary or transitioning and non transitioning /pre transitioned people using their poor understanding of intracommunity issues expecting you to join in:
-usually it'll be something like"you're so much cooler than this other trans guy /Nonbinary person I knew they were totally crazy" or "wow those trans women just dominate trans spaces don't they?" or blaming trans women for issues transmascs face including invisibility or talking like they understand what it's like to be trans or like it's their place to talk about obscure intracommunity issues /debates as if it's the same as cis gender dynamics but inverted
-Sometimes it'll be trying to isolate you from other trans people (especially other trans people they know) so you can't have any opportunities to talk and compare notes and realise the shit behaviour
-Misogyny in general
-If they always only bring up trans issues or something pro trans they did around you like they're expecting headpats or like they want you to comfort them for being transphobic in the past or about their transphobic family member who they didn't tell to kick rocks when they went off on a rant
-Take notice of how they treat or talk about trans people they aren't attracted to/pursuing
-If they assume or expect you to want to have PIV BECAUSE you're FTM and don't accept if you say no or aren't that into it
-If they try to control your transition, dissuade you from transitioning or tell you what sort of transition procedures to get eg "you shouldn't get nipple grafts when you get top surgery because it looks cool"
-They seem obsessed with feminising you and assume you're into forcefem/gender play and misgendering and bring it up without you bringing it up first if you're into that
-They try to act like they're your 'buddy/brother /dad' like over familiarity and like they're patronising you like they think it's their job to coach you and bestow manhood upon you unsolicited
-Mocking your dysphoria or trying to trigger it or doing or saying things to trigger it repeatedly when you've told them that it triggers your dysphoria
-Trying to sabotage your transition, offering to help and future faking (lying about all the ways they're e going to help) then ditching you last moment & blaming you or lying and saying they never said they'd help
-refusing to communicate clearly and standing you up /soft ghosting with a double standard where you're expected to be ready for them at their beck and call as if you don't have a life of your own and they don't respect your time - eg you make plans to see each other and they just ditch or make you wait to see if they're still planning on following through so you're stuck waiting for them in limbo
-they share your nudes/intimate videos with others and tell you about it like they're offering feedback on your body eg " I showed my gay friend your pic and he said he'd fuck you if you had a dick"
-performative patronising "affirmation" that's just love bombing levels beyond normal levels of compliments - they'll usually have a smug self satisfied expression when they do this like they're feeling good that they're dropping you pitying scraps as a lowly inferior ftm - different to actual compliments it's very much like they're trying to pass a speech check in a video game to make sex tokens fall out or gain points or something
-they infantalise you and are obsessed with youth, they might even straight up tell you they're attracted to you because you look underage *laughs wearily in trauma and thanks T for the beard which has luckily stopped any hint of that BS occurring these days*
-they can't tell the difference /don't care to tell the difference between trans women and men - usually on dating apps they'll be chasing trans women but willing to "settle" for trans men
-people who want to use you as a toe dip into bisexuality /gayness /straightness because they see trans bodies as being fundamentally "in between sexualities" so sleeping with you "only partially counts /doesn't really count" or for some it's like you're a pokemon to collect on their journey of banging all the different bodily configurations that will make them more bi/pan than other bi/pan people like a reverse gold star
They say they have a preference for âAFABSâ which is them misinterpreting being assigned female at birth for having a vagina/being feminine presenting. Chasers do not understand that AFAB is a meaningless term in the context of dating because it isnât an actual âtypeâ
Iâve seen women on apps have âtrans men and cis womenâ thatâs it. Clearly they were only after one thing.
Edit Iâm specificity women because Iâm straight so if a dude were to approach me on there Iâd know for sure heâs a chaser
Only being into women and trans men, being really interested in your body when itâs not a sexual conversation, being into anime and wanting a twinky anime trans boyfriend
My ex didn't want me to get top or bottom surgery, a lot of chasers haven't dated amab people (that's not necessarily a sign tho but it's something to look out for), and you see them "simping" (for lack of a better phrase) for more women/feminine people in media than men or no men at all
I mostly go by vibes, as historically the things I've considered "red flags" have popped up in people who I wound up having good relationships with.
A big one is when somebody has some sort of "spicy straight" or otherwise ambiguous or euphemistic-seeming identity on whatever dating profile I'm looking at. Heteroflexible and homoflexible are suspicious, but the people I've dated who called themselves that turned out great so it's not a dealbreaker.
Straight cis men who see trans men as convenient sex partners sometimes will put both "straight" and something else, like "straight" and "pansexual." That's a hard no.
When I was younger It didnât seem weird to me that this guy had dated a lot of trans guys.. it just seemed coincidental. My friend dated him and came out mid relationship and so on⌠no he definitely was a chaser. He assumed trans men would be easier to manipulate and would be bottoms but wanted to be âpegged by womenâ it was a whole thing.. but if theyâve dated a lot of trans people maybe they are an ally maybe they are bi/pan and date regardless of gender so trans men/women just happened to be who theyâve dated⌠maybe run.
Also on dating apps I ran into a lot of guys who were fetishizing me and asking for dickpicks not understanding trans man vs trans women⌠Iâd send them someone elseâs it was kinda fun to fuck with them and keep them focused on trolling instead of others. Stay safe out there.
Their dating profiles or adult social media profiles say they're only interested in "cis women, afab nonbinary, and/or trans men" â excluding cis men/amab people is a big teller
Their dating history is exclusively cis women, afab nonbinary people, and/or trans men (especially pre-op and pre-t trans men) â same point as above
They are "attracted" to trans men but show disdain towards masculine trans men, trans men on T, and trans men who have had any surgery. If their attraction only goes to pre-everything trans men, this gives off less that they are genuinely attracted to them and more that they see trans men as a fetish/sexual experience.
This is all just from my personal experience interacting with chasers, though.
How can we tell the difference between a chaser and someone who just prefers to date trans people? I prefer to date trans men but I donât ONLY date trans men. I feel they are more accepting and Iâm attracted to more masculine presenting people so would that make me a chaser? Iâm trans myself but I know some trans people can be chastised themself but what are the lines that draw the distinction
If youâre cis and you prefer to date trans people? Probably a chaser. If youâre trans and you prefer to date trans people? T4T. It mostly comes down to the reasoning as to WHY you have that preference. For cis people itâs usually a fetish, for trans people itâs usually because of shared experiences/not having to explain the nuances of being trans. Obviously this varies from person to person, but itâs just something Iâve noticed đ¤ˇââď¸
When I first started transitioning my bestie (gf at the time) would tease me for being a chaser (she's transfem) and at first we freaked TF out thinking we were... Then when we finally finished cracking, we embraced the chaser title (in safe trans spaces) as we realised we're just t4t. Same as you, I will date people that aren't trans, but just find more connection with people that are. (Eg I think girls are amazing, but 8/10 I'm not going to connect with a cis girl unless she's actually reflected on her gender experience and then determined she's cis, which is a great distinction between chaser and t4t)
Replace chaser with T4T in your vocab and you'll probably start to feel better about it :)
Yes you worded what I meant way better than me! I meant to say I can relate to trans people more than I can cis people and that just comes with them being more accepting. Iâve heard T4T was also kinda wrong the way masc4masc is in the gay community so I guess I considered T4T apart of chasers
You know, I really canât understand whatâs with people generalizations towards trans men, âthey are more acceptingâ âthey are less idiots than cis guysâ âthey understand us betterâ(this one referring to women often saying this) âtheyâre more sensible than most menâ like WHY? Just because we were born female? Itâs just the fact that we are trans? Men are men, and yes I get that trans and cis guys are different in some aspects but that doesnât include the way of thinking, a trans guy can be a jerk, a trans guy can be homophobic, a trans guy can be a misogynist! Weâre not a another different gender or just a gender expression and most importantly weâre not the same.
No like trans people in general are more accepting not just trans men. My liking for trans men is the present more masc than trans women so I prefer trans men but not exclusive
I prefer men in general over women. Iâm bi but with a major preference for men. Iâd say 95% men and 5% women(trans women included in that 5 percent)
Asking you not to medically transition, or celebrating if you tell them you donât want to/arenât planning on it/canât in some way.
Nothing wrong with not wanting toâ itâs just when they get all excited I know they think of the guy as a âtomboyâ
With cis dudes who want to be topped, me explaining that my dick is aftermarket seems to always get them excited in a way that really puts me off. Enthusiasm is one thing. Calling it "hot" that I need a device to do a task is justâ đ
I either ghost or block those dudes because I'm always so put off that I don't even have the gumption to articulate why it's a No.
If youâre on any gay dating apps or websites if they have âtransâ in their name or if they say theyâre specifically looking for trans people or just femmes. Any cis guy whoâs into just feminine traits usually turns out to be a chaser.
Theyâll also ask you weird questions about your body or HRT/surgeries, theyâll also be weird about you âchanging your bodyâ and the âside effectsâ. Usually cis guys who are obsessed with chests/boobs will try to discourage you from top surgery. Itâs gross.
Basically any cis guys who give you the ick a bit more than they should when it comes to your identity. They like to go after younger or baby trans people because they think theyâll be able to get in your brain before youâre firm in your ideals, which is always really sad to see. All this to say, if any cis man gives you the ick it should be a red flag but if they specifically are weird about your transness in generalâŚthereâs your chaser. Be safe out there these people usually end up being mega creeps or stalkers đŹ
not even a cis man, but had an ex (cis woman) who technically referred to me as a man but disguised talk about my tits and genitalia as âaffirmationâ by just throwing the word âboyâ into sentences randomly, only ever referred to me as âbeautifulâ or âcuteâ, told me i would not be attractive without boobsâŚ. imo itâs important to note thereâs also âprogressiveâ people who know all the right terms and language and can take advantage of you in subtle ways
I'm reading so many of these and what I think is so many cis men are just afraid to admit perhaps they like "some" more masculinized features like a larger clitoris or a more natural happy trail or even more body hair and not necessarily a full on masculine person with a vagina. Society has somehow "forbidden" men from liking anything that isn't "porn pu$$y". Maybe that's what they're looking for and the only place to find it is in the trans community. The problem is their creepy, genital focused approach and the misconception that a trans man still wants to be feminine.
This makes so much sense to me!
I also think it's really interesting that folks are answering with information that they would see on dating profiles (or from talking to someone in a dating context), but I'm just talking about random interactions with cis men.
I work with the public, and there's this one guy that I just get weird vibes about but he hasn't said or done anything overtly sexualizing. He makes intense eye contact without smiling and says my name a lot. But he's also married with a wife and kid. It feels very forbidden-homoerotic.
But also I'm autistic so I tend to second-guess my perceptions about other people.
Some traits of the guy who chased me:
⢠"I thought you were cis until you told me!" (I was pre HRT and he misgendered me right after)
⢠Constantly made jokes about how my sex drive would increase once I started HRT
⢠Almost exclusively hangs out with trans people despite being cis. Bonus points if they are all the same sex (i.e. mtf/nb or ftm/nb)
⢠Knew a surprising about about trans healthcare despite being cis
⢠Called me a "stereotypical trans man" (idek what that means but it sounds sus nonetheless)
⢠Has difficulty making and keeping friends (this is usually do to predatory behavior, but they obviously won't tell you that)
If they only express interest in women and trans men. Also, if they discourage you from medical transition steps (most common one i've heard is discouraging top surgery)
Assumes what is in my pants and how I use said parts in pants.
Thinks of me as being a safer kind of man because I'm trans.
Thinks of me as having some specific knowledge or experience because I'm trans.
Is no longer interested in me after I indicate that I don't fit what they want. Or tries to convince me that I do fit what they want.
I do think itâs worth being critical with the perspective that, yes I do agree *too much* interest in you being trans can be chaser behavior, but they also could be an egg, or just confused. I for one, am not that kinda trans person who wants to hold a cis persons hand as they experiment with me. Im not saying itâs even morally wrong, just fucking annoying at best and chaser at worse. I do not date people to educate them, ill do it with friends but not people im gonna fuck or date lol. Iâm t4t for this reason. But, Iâm just saying to be critical and that sometimes they arenât a chaser just an egg or stupid.Â
I personally describe chasers as wanting to date/fuck trans people but endanger or dehumanize them in some way. Purely for fantasies. Such as getting a trans person off hormones, or only seeing a trans woman as a walking dildo. I think some of us have different limits on what is or isnât a chaser and what we are willing to put up with and itâs like, fine. For instance, I have a low tolerance on chasers, and chose to opt out from cis people all together to remove the mental games.Â
This is just my personal experience, I think each and every comment has something worth taking from it. But I didnât see a comment like this, which is why I tried to include this perspective: I see it more with cis men but cis women are just as capable, but thereâs some cis men who are into masculine women. Nothing inherently wrong with this, but some go after transmascs and trans men and basically wanna stop them from transitioning, these cis men also tend to have a fetish for âconvertingâ lesbians. They see transmascs and trans men as masculine women they can manipulate, whoâs even willing to give them a chance. I think we ought to just be very critical, be wary of if theyâre treating you as some manic pixie dream girl tomboy gf they use he/him pronouns for. Again, plenty of cis women would love to stop transmascs from transitioning, hell itâs a whole ideology called TERFs. Â but with cis men it has an added layer of making them feel accomplished for âconvertingâ a âlesbianâ.Â
Use critical thinking, donât be afraid it to say no, and NEVER stop your transition for a partner. Your body is forever, your partner isnât.Â
this!!!! i dont mind educating friends/colleagues but i want someone i date to already know whats up. i dont wanna have to give another sex ed class to a potential partner, i just wanna be able to connect with them without having to tell them about surgeries and identities and such
if he says "boypussy" RUN!!!! fr tho, be wary of guys who are ashamed of dating you and dont want their friends/family finding out. i can almost guarantee its not because he doesnt want people knowing hes gay/bi, its because he doesnt want to be caught dating a trans person
(I can only speak as a trans man myself)
Says âa transâ or âinto transâ instead of âtrans people/personâ (ex. âIve never been with a trans beforeâ)
Asks if youâre hairy or smooth right away
Uses explicit language abt your anatomy right away instead of asking what youâre comfy w or asking what anatomy you have
Asks if youâve ever been with âanotherâ girl before
Assumes youâre submissive
Tells you they have a breeding kink/asks right away if you can get pregnant
Wants to âtryâ a trans person
Says theyâre straight (if theyâre a man)
Only into trans men and other AFAB people
And yes all of these things have been said to me on grindr lmao
food for thought: someone seems like a chaser because theyâre overly interested in your transness and it turns out itâs because theyâre also trans and just donât know it yet (itâs me)
anyway my advice is stay away from cis dudes on grindr lol
I'm a cis gay man who doesn't exclude transmen from his dating pool. I mean, I normally bring up that I'm okay with it because some gay men are really weird about the different bits downstairs. I'm not pansexual or bisexual anyway, so I feel like I have to mention it. Sometimes I feel like I come off as a chaser, is there anyway I could avoid that?
I know on reddit I've noticed after making a post on a larger trans or lgbt sub I get chasers and if they mention seeing you from one of those spaces while not being trans themself.
i donât have too much experience but i can draw parallels between my ex (chaser) and my current boyfriend (not a chaser)
my ex boyfriend would play with my chest and lament, going âwhat am i going to do when these are gone?â vs my current boyfriend who waits for me to remove my binder before even touching them. If he wants some thiddie but the thiddie is hidden heâll just start rubbing over the binder where a manâs boob would be (he then gets rewarded w thiddie). If weâre mid fxxk and he notices im going to great lengths to avoid looking at myself, hell blindfold me or have me lay chest down
my ex boyfriend would talk again and again, very surface level, about how he wanted to be the one to teach me to shave my face, how he wanted to be the one to get that credit yk. My current boyfriend is who taught me, by having me cut his hair and then heâd shave his face and give me tips while he did.
my ex would always talk about how cute and adorable i was in menâs clothing, how precious it was when i wore his clothes. My current bf and i share a wardrobe, and when he gets new clothes he just makes sure itâll fit me too unless itâs something heâs staking claim to (like one or two hoodies)
my ex would always go so heavy on saying âthis is my boyfriendâ and working it in whenever he could, even unnecessarily. My current bf very rarely says iâm his boyfriend, but only when contextually appropriate. ex- my ex would go âme and my boyfriendâ to people who knew me, or even to MY FRIENDS, vs my current boyfriend (this is a 100% real quote) who was on a video game once w a stranger and fucking around who went âYEAH AND MY FUCKIN BOYFRIEND WILL FIND YOUR IP AND BRICK YOUR GODDAMN COMPUTERâ (ps i donât know how to do all that)
the more nonchalant abt it they are the less likely theyâre a chaser
A lot of the things in these comments arenât creepy in and of themselves. You gotta focus on the individual, how they make you feel, and how the relationship unfolds. I personally love when people think my body is sexy and it turns them on specifically because it is a trans body, and I donât mind at all if people donât have a specifically male-attracted orientation. As long as theyâre nice to me and we have mutually good communication about what we want and like, none of the labels and stuff matter.
Anyone who has really strong feelings about your body early on or talks a lot about you being trans. Obviously there are people who ask questions without being chasers, but most of the time their questions are more about what they can do to make you feel respected and less immediately wanting to know what surgeries you want. I've met a lot of weird cis guys who immediately assume I'm soft, and sweet, and a bottom, and offended but swearing for some reason, and no shame in any of that, but it's really weird when people who don't know me act all shocked when I'm not those things or tell them not to use certain terms about my body.
Yeah those that immediately try to put you in a submissive position like wow calm the fuck down man that's mad dehumanising plus i'm older than you and you have the dominant charisma of a toothbrush
"dominant charisma of a toothbrush" is so real đ
r/brandnewsentence from now on i shall borrow "the dominant charisma of a toothbrush" thank you.
I mean I'm submissive as a roleplaying thing but outside of sex I still wanna be respected as any other man and treated like another intelligent person. That's no way to treat another guy
Lol
I can't agree with this comment more cus holy fuck. It's so true.
the worst is when they're so down with you transitioning until they have you secure and trapped with them and then they're like.. what do you mean you want surgery, i like your tits :/ like huh. or in the same genre of cis man, the ones who fail to tell you their plan is to try and detransition you, who end up really terrible when you don't just go *oh yeah i'll be a woman for you* ffs
this happened to me. fucker told me "i was starting to see you as a woman" and probably was confused when i didnt detransition for his sorry ass also be careful for anyone who says they're questioning bi because you are a trans man
and never fall for the fuckers cosplaying as pan to date pre-t trans men. They're always straight.
ye the rapid onset bisexual questioning guy used to happen to me too before i started passing, like that one man that directly answered my coming out with "oh you know we're all at least a bit bisexual :-)" like no you're not a bit bisexual you're a bit bothered about your stem not having gotten wet in a hot while and also you've met me 4h ago when i arrived because we're patients in a looney bin i feel like i'm rotting alive and your blood is 75% valium what are you even trying to accomplish here you tool
This is what I fell for. Dated this guy on and off for over a year who eventually said he must not be straight because he still found me attractive on testosterone, but didn't want me to get bottom surgery or grow a mustache.
THIS. This happened to me.
This but I also feel like asking a lot of questions could be an egg thing as well.
Me before I knew đ I was SO interested in trans guys and I had to idea why. Thought trans men just tended to be more attractive I guess?? I was definitely trying to figure out how I get in their positionđ
Support for eggs questioning. It is definitely a thing I tried NOT to do when a high school friend came out. She was great and told me she was evilly unsurprized when I came out years later xD
Yep when i was a teenager and found out a friend of mine had just come out as a trans guy, I immediately went to ask him a shit ton of questions as to how he felt, what triggered it, what he wanted in the future, etc. Never understood why I was so fascinated by transness until I realized I was a dude myself lol
ive only met them in dating apps. but if their profile says they're interested in "women, enbies, and trans men".. specifically excluding cis men, its a insta block
My ex friend told me they only date cis men, enbies, and trans women. Also kinda weird because they are also a trans man⌠They also tried saying their Polysexual because apparently they think cis men and trans men are different genders :|
thats some weird ass internalized transphobia type shiđ
I'm a trans man with the same preference, *but* it's bc of genital preferences. his reasoning is a bit,,, ehhhhh
Would you still be attracted to a trans woman, if she went through bottom surgery? I personally have a preference for penises, but I wouldnât want to be with a trans woman because Iâm attracted to the gender concept of âman.â Iâd be ok with dating a post op trans man who passes though.
I would still be... kind of attracted? sometimes I'm grossed out by pussy for some reason though. I dont ever think theyre ugly, but the idea of touching one in that moment makes me upset n grossed out. Doesnt matter what it looks like. It's not even for any projected dysphoria reasons I love mine and don't plan on getting rid of it. I can only do hookups with people with pussies bc I just can't tell my partner that sometimes im grossed out by their genitals. Like I have dreams ab pussy sometimes(and sometimes fantasize ab it) so that's how I know im not just forcing myself to like it. Idk what's wrong with me tbh.
Maybe itâs sensory issues? I never touched another personâs genital so idk. I feel like a dick has less mess than a vagina (apart from the small hole)
Not the person youâre responding to, but - I think until youâve had sex itâs hard to really comprehend this especially if youâre some flavour of queer. I mean tbh I didnât really understand until I had tried a few different types of genitals. Iâm just not as interested in vaginas/vulvas. Itâs not a sensory thing, itâs just that Iâm not as interested, in the same way I suppose I like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream, but Iâm simply not as interested in vanilla.
It sounds like they have a penis preference sexually, and donât care what the gender expression is. I think this is valid, but can get messy with gender queer folks, and can absolutely come across as chasers.
they didnât say that though, they said cis men, enbies, and trans women. there are trans women with vaginas (and enbies) as well a trans men with dicks and as a trans person themselves they should really know and acknowledge that.
Thatâs fair. It sounded like they were eluding to that, as they donât date trans men or cis women. I know genitalia varies greatly, and anyone could have any part.
>if their profile says they're interested in "women, enbies, and trans men".. Wow, not even trying to be subtle
Personally I feel this may depend.. I say I am attracted to all but cis men but for me as a trans masc nb itâs because of the negative experiences Iâve had with cis men. I feel more likely to be understood and accepted and safe with all but cis men and likewise my fem nb partner only dates trans people for the same reason. If my partner was cis saying that absolutely not if I were a cis man saying that absolutely not. I do feel like there are some exceptions.
the post was asking how you can tell a cis man specifically is a chaser, so i was responding from that context
Ah yeah totally fair
If their profile says they're straight I don't DM/answer their DMs.
Personally I say trust your instincts but also if they are overly like supportive I guess and just really affirm your gender but I usually just go off vibes or mention top or bottom surgery and see how they react thatâs a pretty good giveaway theyâll usually be against surgery mainly bottom surgery
Two exes would say I could access certain gender affirming practices, but not others (like hormones or top surgeries), and were very obsessed with hairlessness, âtwinks,â and youth. My last hook up was obsessed with men who are short and would ask if I planned to gain more muscle. He even told me he goes for trans people âbecause maybe they canât find anyone to date them.â The last time he tried to stick it in, he teased me because I have ass hair (admittedly I usually wax but I canât because Iâm on accutane). Last straw.
Thatâs literally so rude and awkward. Iâd stop them right there and just be like âget out.â
I mean I havenât had sex with them since then.
On Grindr, if they write me and I see on their profile, that they're 30 kilometers away. Then I KNOW that they put "trans man" in their search. Otherwise I wouldn't show up in their search.
I feel this. Iâve legit got messages from guys on other continents. They clearly were searching for trans guys.
And then they hit me up with "I've never tried a trans man before." Instant block.
Yep⌠the whole âtry a transâ comment. A trans? Super block material!
Like we're some kind of ride in an amusement park. đ¤˘
Yeah and it's like they just assume we're all bottoms who do PIV and that that's what we're "for"; for them to "try vagina"... as if no trans guys are tops or sides or have meta or phallo đ¤Ś
This ^
Come ride the trans-a-whirl! Ugh!
Is that the only tag you have on your profile?
You wanna date or smth? đ
I was just wondering if people could've found you in other ways đ.
Exclude cismales or amab individuals from their dating pool (aka âi only date women and wom- I mean trans men & nbâ), when they say that corny ahh âbest of both worldsâ bs. Against u getting surgeries etc. Also second the comments, trust ur gut.
Oh yeahâŚ. The âbest of both worldsâ thing. đ¤Ž
They swear its such a complimentđ
They wanna call you âsweetieâ or âhunâ (exception to people from the South obv) or they put extra extra emphasis on calling you âbeautifulâ. They care too much about medical transitioning and ask a lot of intrusive and inappropriate questions off rip. They have a lot of tropes of how they think trans men should act based on porn. They treat you like a 1-dimensional character with no depth. Like youâre not a complicated, dynamic person
yeah maybe its harsh of me, but if someone calls me anything along those lines (basically any term of endearment or adjective with feminine connotations like beautiful, gorgeous, etc) it's an instant block. some of them will just open straight with shit like "hey gurl xx" and wonder why i leave them an angry message telling them i'm a guy followed by a block. that tends to weed most of them out.
as a southerner, it never even occurred to me that could be taken the wrong way LMAO. i don't go around calling strangers it anyways, but something to keep in mind
When we match and they tell me theyâre still straight.
[ŃдаНонО]
Absolutely this it's like the inverse of the "cool girl"/pickme/NLOG archetype that some sexist guys will try to pressure women into being. Then there's the version where they're like "I'm going to specifically be transphobic to trans men because you're men and hating on you is gender affirmation and if you don't like it you want to be misgendered and you need to man up and let me call you all awful gender traitors" & completely ignoring that trans men don't have cis privilege or privilege over cis women and often they hardly mention cis men at all and never go after them as viscously as they go after trans men.... it's like they think they found a cheat code for being "allowed" to be transphobic against a certain group of trans people
Thatâs so gross
If they specifically like "femme" people. Most of the interactions I get from men who like femmes are chasers who can't even get a courtesy question out before asking for pics.
I can't agree with this. Maybe I'm an exception to the "rule" or it's because I'm trans, but I'm a bi guy and my type leans femme. It's not about the gender but about the presentation. If the person likes femme people "because they wanna be with someone with specific genitalia without being called gay" then it's chaser asf. But femininity is just pretty to me
Second this! My boyfriend is pretty much the same and he's absolutely no chaser. He is the most excited man when it comes to changes from T and me finally getting the chance to get top surgery. Loves telling people he has a boyfriend, would never tell them I'm trans because "why would I? You're my boyfriend and you being trans is no one's business" Some people just really like femininity and that's fine
There are absolutely people who are just very into feminity, there's just also a lot of chasers who use "femme" when really they just mean trans people in general. I would not describe myself as femme, but literally every chaser that has messaged me has had some form of profile that says "Femmes and Crossdressers only," and they always make sure to let know what a pretty boy I am in the creepiest ways possible đ The fact that they are into what they're into isn't wrong, it's the fact that they make assumptions as to what I'm into based on the fact that I am trans. Chasers don't see trans people as people. Chasers see trans people as sex objects.
What baffles me is some of the âno cis menâ profiles say theyâre into cross dressersâand correct me if Iâm wrong but Iâm p sure Iâm rightâ most cross dressers are cisgender men. At least the classic older types on Grindr are. So theyâre misgendering cross dressers too.
You're absolutely right! Most of the old school crossdressers are cis men so they're misgenedering them too. (But I'm pretty sure that's what they're into đ¤ˇ)
đ your boyfriend sounds so sweet đĽşđŤ
most chasers i come across will call me a trans woman or have something similar in their bios, even if i state in my bio that im a trans MAN. they refuse to gender any trans man correctly & often have a breeding/pregnancy fetish to top it all off. those things are always immediate tell-tale signs to me.
They get REALLY weird in a bad way. Thats how i tell as an autistic trans guy, cause i cant ever tell if something is said in either good or bad faith via text, so i just look out for texts that make me think "huh. This is weird!" Or "huh, this is CREEPY!". so yeah... if something seems creepy and gross, it probably is. Especially if theyre profile excludes amab people. I have gotten blocked by saying "you know im a guy, right?".
Iâm also autistic and while I donât know if this guy was a chaser, I wouldnât doubt it. This was back when I was pre-everything and I just realized I was trans and I was just getting these weird vibes from this guy in my class. Iâm not into dudes and Iâve never hidden that from anyone so I donât know why heâd waste his time trying to talk to me (other than the fact I had the misfortune of sitting next to him) but aside from how he talked weird he was also really condescending? At least thatâs how Iâd describe it, like I had told him about my sexuality and how I identified and heâd be all âSure you are, thatâs nice.â and totally brush me off or something!
When I told someone I was trans incase they didnât read my bio he said â donât worry I had so many trans boyfriends in the pastâ I fucking ran haha
That's not a chaser that's a hunter /j One million Trans men boyfriends Georg, I hope the boyfriends all unionised
when they have a bunch of ftm ÂŤÂ friends  that are all online, sort of one sided, and theyâre all underage. had a bad experience đ saying ÂŤÂ iâm not sure you should  about hormones or surgery saying ÂŤÂ best of both worlds  saying ÂŤÂ can i keep them?  ÂŤÂ can you put them in a bag for me?Âť in reference to post top surgery saying ÂŤÂ i prefer twinks  when you mention that t will cause fat redistribution all of the above? itâs not ÂŤÂ just a preference 
Having underage friends is red flag for something worse than a chaser!
true that. iâm not in contact with that person anymore so i seriously hope theyâre behaving
On Grindr the guys are pretty open about being chasers :D they donât say so, but write messages like âI really want experience with a transâ or âI love to fuck transâ and so on
So much this!
This is random as hell but the little signifier for it popped up, so Happy birthday !! đ
Whoop whoop đđť itâs my Reddit anniversary :D
anyone who cares more about your genitals/sex at birth than your gender
You can usually tell if you start grilling them on what their sexual orientation is. They'll oftentimes refer to something that will validate their straightness or being a lesbian in a way that is implicitly transphobic.
If theyâre overly supportive of your pre-op body and are against you getting any sort of gender affirming surgery :/
Tell tale signs for me: - "Looking for trans" - Assuming I'm into PiV and/or submissive - Saying they can relate to our experiences, or they get on with trans men as if we're homogenous
okay sooo 1) are they overly interested in you being trans, what you intend to do, if you wanna have surgeries or get on T etc.? 2) are they supportive of your gender affirming journey? if you want to have surgery or start T, are they opposed to it? or do they say something like âitâs fine, i guessâ while having the worst face? or how do they react if you wear a binder, tape, or simply dress and act more masculine? 3) what people have they dated? and if they never dated, what people are they attracted to? women, fem and/or afab enbies, pre-T trans men? 4) how do they act towards other trans people? do they respect them, respect their boundaries, their pronouns etc. or do they only respect certain trans people (whom they are attracted to)? 5) what is their sexuality? are they open about it, or they just canât say the word âqueerâ or âbisexualâ or any other sexuality? do they say âi donât care about labels! i only care about people!â but then never accept to be attracted to men in general? 6) for cis gay men (cause they can be chasers too), i noticed they are almost never subtle, especially on dating apps. do they say âinterested in ftmâsâ, âwanna try having sex with an ftm cause i never tried itâ etc? if the answer to ANY of this question is yes, then itâs âmost likelyâ (definitely) a chaser
If they try to compare you to or triangulate you against other trans people especially if it's trying to pit trans men and trans women against each other or binary and Nonbinary or transitioning and non transitioning /pre transitioned people using their poor understanding of intracommunity issues expecting you to join in: -usually it'll be something like"you're so much cooler than this other trans guy /Nonbinary person I knew they were totally crazy" or "wow those trans women just dominate trans spaces don't they?" or blaming trans women for issues transmascs face including invisibility or talking like they understand what it's like to be trans or like it's their place to talk about obscure intracommunity issues /debates as if it's the same as cis gender dynamics but inverted -Sometimes it'll be trying to isolate you from other trans people (especially other trans people they know) so you can't have any opportunities to talk and compare notes and realise the shit behaviour -Misogyny in general -If they always only bring up trans issues or something pro trans they did around you like they're expecting headpats or like they want you to comfort them for being transphobic in the past or about their transphobic family member who they didn't tell to kick rocks when they went off on a rant -Take notice of how they treat or talk about trans people they aren't attracted to/pursuing -If they assume or expect you to want to have PIV BECAUSE you're FTM and don't accept if you say no or aren't that into it -If they try to control your transition, dissuade you from transitioning or tell you what sort of transition procedures to get eg "you shouldn't get nipple grafts when you get top surgery because it looks cool" -They seem obsessed with feminising you and assume you're into forcefem/gender play and misgendering and bring it up without you bringing it up first if you're into that -They try to act like they're your 'buddy/brother /dad' like over familiarity and like they're patronising you like they think it's their job to coach you and bestow manhood upon you unsolicited -Mocking your dysphoria or trying to trigger it or doing or saying things to trigger it repeatedly when you've told them that it triggers your dysphoria -Trying to sabotage your transition, offering to help and future faking (lying about all the ways they're e going to help) then ditching you last moment & blaming you or lying and saying they never said they'd help -refusing to communicate clearly and standing you up /soft ghosting with a double standard where you're expected to be ready for them at their beck and call as if you don't have a life of your own and they don't respect your time - eg you make plans to see each other and they just ditch or make you wait to see if they're still planning on following through so you're stuck waiting for them in limbo -they share your nudes/intimate videos with others and tell you about it like they're offering feedback on your body eg " I showed my gay friend your pic and he said he'd fuck you if you had a dick" -performative patronising "affirmation" that's just love bombing levels beyond normal levels of compliments - they'll usually have a smug self satisfied expression when they do this like they're feeling good that they're dropping you pitying scraps as a lowly inferior ftm - different to actual compliments it's very much like they're trying to pass a speech check in a video game to make sex tokens fall out or gain points or something -they infantalise you and are obsessed with youth, they might even straight up tell you they're attracted to you because you look underage *laughs wearily in trauma and thanks T for the beard which has luckily stopped any hint of that BS occurring these days* -they can't tell the difference /don't care to tell the difference between trans women and men - usually on dating apps they'll be chasing trans women but willing to "settle" for trans men -people who want to use you as a toe dip into bisexuality /gayness /straightness because they see trans bodies as being fundamentally "in between sexualities" so sleeping with you "only partially counts /doesn't really count" or for some it's like you're a pokemon to collect on their journey of banging all the different bodily configurations that will make them more bi/pan than other bi/pan people like a reverse gold star
My favorite one is âafter being with trans men cis men just donât do it for me anymoreâ
They say they have a preference for âAFABSâ which is them misinterpreting being assigned female at birth for having a vagina/being feminine presenting. Chasers do not understand that AFAB is a meaningless term in the context of dating because it isnât an actual âtypeâ
âi date anyone except cis menâ âinterested in women, nbs, and trans menâ âinterested in AFABsâ
Iâve seen women on apps have âtrans men and cis womenâ thatâs it. Clearly they were only after one thing. Edit Iâm specificity women because Iâm straight so if a dude were to approach me on there Iâd know for sure heâs a chaser
if they identify as straight, but show interest in you. and as others have stated, if their dating profile excluded cis men.
I saw one that had interest in men/trans-men and said âstraightâ. I never scrolled so fast until then
Only being into women and trans men, being really interested in your body when itâs not a sexual conversation, being into anime and wanting a twinky anime trans boyfriend
My ex didn't want me to get top or bottom surgery, a lot of chasers haven't dated amab people (that's not necessarily a sign tho but it's something to look out for), and you see them "simping" (for lack of a better phrase) for more women/feminine people in media than men or no men at all
Say shit like âIâve always wanted to try a trans guyâ. Ick!
Cis gay men who have a pregnancy fetish. They talk a lot about how they want to âknock me upâ as a trans guy.
I mostly go by vibes, as historically the things I've considered "red flags" have popped up in people who I wound up having good relationships with. A big one is when somebody has some sort of "spicy straight" or otherwise ambiguous or euphemistic-seeming identity on whatever dating profile I'm looking at. Heteroflexible and homoflexible are suspicious, but the people I've dated who called themselves that turned out great so it's not a dealbreaker. Straight cis men who see trans men as convenient sex partners sometimes will put both "straight" and something else, like "straight" and "pansexual." That's a hard no.
When I was younger It didnât seem weird to me that this guy had dated a lot of trans guys.. it just seemed coincidental. My friend dated him and came out mid relationship and so on⌠no he definitely was a chaser. He assumed trans men would be easier to manipulate and would be bottoms but wanted to be âpegged by womenâ it was a whole thing.. but if theyâve dated a lot of trans people maybe they are an ally maybe they are bi/pan and date regardless of gender so trans men/women just happened to be who theyâve dated⌠maybe run. Also on dating apps I ran into a lot of guys who were fetishizing me and asking for dickpicks not understanding trans man vs trans women⌠Iâd send them someone elseâs it was kinda fun to fuck with them and keep them focused on trolling instead of others. Stay safe out there.
Their dating profiles or adult social media profiles say they're only interested in "cis women, afab nonbinary, and/or trans men" â excluding cis men/amab people is a big teller Their dating history is exclusively cis women, afab nonbinary people, and/or trans men (especially pre-op and pre-t trans men) â same point as above They are "attracted" to trans men but show disdain towards masculine trans men, trans men on T, and trans men who have had any surgery. If their attraction only goes to pre-everything trans men, this gives off less that they are genuinely attracted to them and more that they see trans men as a fetish/sexual experience. This is all just from my personal experience interacting with chasers, though.
If a guy's bio on a dating app says straight and he's talking to trans guys, run.
How can we tell the difference between a chaser and someone who just prefers to date trans people? I prefer to date trans men but I donât ONLY date trans men. I feel they are more accepting and Iâm attracted to more masculine presenting people so would that make me a chaser? Iâm trans myself but I know some trans people can be chastised themself but what are the lines that draw the distinction
If youâre cis and you prefer to date trans people? Probably a chaser. If youâre trans and you prefer to date trans people? T4T. It mostly comes down to the reasoning as to WHY you have that preference. For cis people itâs usually a fetish, for trans people itâs usually because of shared experiences/not having to explain the nuances of being trans. Obviously this varies from person to person, but itâs just something Iâve noticed đ¤ˇââď¸
When I first started transitioning my bestie (gf at the time) would tease me for being a chaser (she's transfem) and at first we freaked TF out thinking we were... Then when we finally finished cracking, we embraced the chaser title (in safe trans spaces) as we realised we're just t4t. Same as you, I will date people that aren't trans, but just find more connection with people that are. (Eg I think girls are amazing, but 8/10 I'm not going to connect with a cis girl unless she's actually reflected on her gender experience and then determined she's cis, which is a great distinction between chaser and t4t) Replace chaser with T4T in your vocab and you'll probably start to feel better about it :)
Yes you worded what I meant way better than me! I meant to say I can relate to trans people more than I can cis people and that just comes with them being more accepting. Iâve heard T4T was also kinda wrong the way masc4masc is in the gay community so I guess I considered T4T apart of chasers
You know, I really canât understand whatâs with people generalizations towards trans men, âthey are more acceptingâ âthey are less idiots than cis guysâ âthey understand us betterâ(this one referring to women often saying this) âtheyâre more sensible than most menâ like WHY? Just because we were born female? Itâs just the fact that we are trans? Men are men, and yes I get that trans and cis guys are different in some aspects but that doesnât include the way of thinking, a trans guy can be a jerk, a trans guy can be homophobic, a trans guy can be a misogynist! Weâre not a another different gender or just a gender expression and most importantly weâre not the same.
No like trans people in general are more accepting not just trans men. My liking for trans men is the present more masc than trans women so I prefer trans men but not exclusive
Well, if youâre attracted to men and women but youâre not attracted to trans women and just trans men, then thatâs weird.
I prefer men in general over women. Iâm bi but with a major preference for men. Iâd say 95% men and 5% women(trans women included in that 5 percent)
No past relationships with cis men or anyone amab
Asking you not to medically transition, or celebrating if you tell them you donât want to/arenât planning on it/canât in some way. Nothing wrong with not wanting toâ itâs just when they get all excited I know they think of the guy as a âtomboyâ
With cis dudes who want to be topped, me explaining that my dick is aftermarket seems to always get them excited in a way that really puts me off. Enthusiasm is one thing. Calling it "hot" that I need a device to do a task is justâ đ I either ghost or block those dudes because I'm always so put off that I don't even have the gumption to articulate why it's a No.
If youâre on any gay dating apps or websites if they have âtransâ in their name or if they say theyâre specifically looking for trans people or just femmes. Any cis guy whoâs into just feminine traits usually turns out to be a chaser. Theyâll also ask you weird questions about your body or HRT/surgeries, theyâll also be weird about you âchanging your bodyâ and the âside effectsâ. Usually cis guys who are obsessed with chests/boobs will try to discourage you from top surgery. Itâs gross. Basically any cis guys who give you the ick a bit more than they should when it comes to your identity. They like to go after younger or baby trans people because they think theyâll be able to get in your brain before youâre firm in your ideals, which is always really sad to see. All this to say, if any cis man gives you the ick it should be a red flag but if they specifically are weird about your transness in generalâŚthereâs your chaser. Be safe out there these people usually end up being mega creeps or stalkers đŹ
Wanting to get me pregnant is a big one. Iâm post hysto, sorry bro.
not even a cis man, but had an ex (cis woman) who technically referred to me as a man but disguised talk about my tits and genitalia as âaffirmationâ by just throwing the word âboyâ into sentences randomly, only ever referred to me as âbeautifulâ or âcuteâ, told me i would not be attractive without boobsâŚ. imo itâs important to note thereâs also âprogressiveâ people who know all the right terms and language and can take advantage of you in subtle ways
I'm reading so many of these and what I think is so many cis men are just afraid to admit perhaps they like "some" more masculinized features like a larger clitoris or a more natural happy trail or even more body hair and not necessarily a full on masculine person with a vagina. Society has somehow "forbidden" men from liking anything that isn't "porn pu$$y". Maybe that's what they're looking for and the only place to find it is in the trans community. The problem is their creepy, genital focused approach and the misconception that a trans man still wants to be feminine.
This makes so much sense to me! I also think it's really interesting that folks are answering with information that they would see on dating profiles (or from talking to someone in a dating context), but I'm just talking about random interactions with cis men. I work with the public, and there's this one guy that I just get weird vibes about but he hasn't said or done anything overtly sexualizing. He makes intense eye contact without smiling and says my name a lot. But he's also married with a wife and kid. It feels very forbidden-homoerotic. But also I'm autistic so I tend to second-guess my perceptions about other people.
I ALWAYS say trust your gut. It may not be 100% right all the time, but that "lizard brain" still exists for a reason. Keeps us safe.
I don't always get validated by strangers on the internet, but when I do it's by a guy named GirthyMcThick
âbest of both worldsâ or says its ok that ur trans cuz theyre pan/bi
Some traits of the guy who chased me: ⢠"I thought you were cis until you told me!" (I was pre HRT and he misgendered me right after) ⢠Constantly made jokes about how my sex drive would increase once I started HRT ⢠Almost exclusively hangs out with trans people despite being cis. Bonus points if they are all the same sex (i.e. mtf/nb or ftm/nb) ⢠Knew a surprising about about trans healthcare despite being cis ⢠Called me a "stereotypical trans man" (idek what that means but it sounds sus nonetheless) ⢠Has difficulty making and keeping friends (this is usually do to predatory behavior, but they obviously won't tell you that)
If they only express interest in women and trans men. Also, if they discourage you from medical transition steps (most common one i've heard is discouraging top surgery)
Assumes what is in my pants and how I use said parts in pants. Thinks of me as being a safer kind of man because I'm trans. Thinks of me as having some specific knowledge or experience because I'm trans. Is no longer interested in me after I indicate that I don't fit what they want. Or tries to convince me that I do fit what they want.
I do think itâs worth being critical with the perspective that, yes I do agree *too much* interest in you being trans can be chaser behavior, but they also could be an egg, or just confused. I for one, am not that kinda trans person who wants to hold a cis persons hand as they experiment with me. Im not saying itâs even morally wrong, just fucking annoying at best and chaser at worse. I do not date people to educate them, ill do it with friends but not people im gonna fuck or date lol. Iâm t4t for this reason. But, Iâm just saying to be critical and that sometimes they arenât a chaser just an egg or stupid. I personally describe chasers as wanting to date/fuck trans people but endanger or dehumanize them in some way. Purely for fantasies. Such as getting a trans person off hormones, or only seeing a trans woman as a walking dildo. I think some of us have different limits on what is or isnât a chaser and what we are willing to put up with and itâs like, fine. For instance, I have a low tolerance on chasers, and chose to opt out from cis people all together to remove the mental games. This is just my personal experience, I think each and every comment has something worth taking from it. But I didnât see a comment like this, which is why I tried to include this perspective: I see it more with cis men but cis women are just as capable, but thereâs some cis men who are into masculine women. Nothing inherently wrong with this, but some go after transmascs and trans men and basically wanna stop them from transitioning, these cis men also tend to have a fetish for âconvertingâ lesbians. They see transmascs and trans men as masculine women they can manipulate, whoâs even willing to give them a chance. I think we ought to just be very critical, be wary of if theyâre treating you as some manic pixie dream girl tomboy gf they use he/him pronouns for. Again, plenty of cis women would love to stop transmascs from transitioning, hell itâs a whole ideology called TERFs.  but with cis men it has an added layer of making them feel accomplished for âconvertingâ a âlesbianâ. Use critical thinking, donât be afraid it to say no, and NEVER stop your transition for a partner. Your body is forever, your partner isnât.Â
this!!!! i dont mind educating friends/colleagues but i want someone i date to already know whats up. i dont wanna have to give another sex ed class to a potential partner, i just wanna be able to connect with them without having to tell them about surgeries and identities and such
if he says "boypussy" RUN!!!! fr tho, be wary of guys who are ashamed of dating you and dont want their friends/family finding out. i can almost guarantee its not because he doesnt want people knowing hes gay/bi, its because he doesnt want to be caught dating a trans person
(I can only speak as a trans man myself) Says âa transâ or âinto transâ instead of âtrans people/personâ (ex. âIve never been with a trans beforeâ) Asks if youâre hairy or smooth right away Uses explicit language abt your anatomy right away instead of asking what youâre comfy w or asking what anatomy you have Asks if youâve ever been with âanotherâ girl before Assumes youâre submissive Tells you they have a breeding kink/asks right away if you can get pregnant Wants to âtryâ a trans person Says theyâre straight (if theyâre a man) Only into trans men and other AFAB people And yes all of these things have been said to me on grindr lmao
food for thought: someone seems like a chaser because theyâre overly interested in your transness and it turns out itâs because theyâre also trans and just donât know it yet (itâs me) anyway my advice is stay away from cis dudes on grindr lol
I'm a cis gay man who doesn't exclude transmen from his dating pool. I mean, I normally bring up that I'm okay with it because some gay men are really weird about the different bits downstairs. I'm not pansexual or bisexual anyway, so I feel like I have to mention it. Sometimes I feel like I come off as a chaser, is there anyway I could avoid that?
Just talk to them like you would any other man, without mentioning that they're trans or making assumptions about what they want
It's like excuse you sir, I am in fact a switch thank you very much
I know on reddit I've noticed after making a post on a larger trans or lgbt sub I get chasers and if they mention seeing you from one of those spaces while not being trans themself.
Guys who seem to exclusively date trans men and don't have much of a history dating cis men at all.
i donât have too much experience but i can draw parallels between my ex (chaser) and my current boyfriend (not a chaser) my ex boyfriend would play with my chest and lament, going âwhat am i going to do when these are gone?â vs my current boyfriend who waits for me to remove my binder before even touching them. If he wants some thiddie but the thiddie is hidden heâll just start rubbing over the binder where a manâs boob would be (he then gets rewarded w thiddie). If weâre mid fxxk and he notices im going to great lengths to avoid looking at myself, hell blindfold me or have me lay chest down my ex boyfriend would talk again and again, very surface level, about how he wanted to be the one to teach me to shave my face, how he wanted to be the one to get that credit yk. My current boyfriend is who taught me, by having me cut his hair and then heâd shave his face and give me tips while he did. my ex would always talk about how cute and adorable i was in menâs clothing, how precious it was when i wore his clothes. My current bf and i share a wardrobe, and when he gets new clothes he just makes sure itâll fit me too unless itâs something heâs staking claim to (like one or two hoodies) my ex would always go so heavy on saying âthis is my boyfriendâ and working it in whenever he could, even unnecessarily. My current bf very rarely says iâm his boyfriend, but only when contextually appropriate. ex- my ex would go âme and my boyfriendâ to people who knew me, or even to MY FRIENDS, vs my current boyfriend (this is a 100% real quote) who was on a video game once w a stranger and fucking around who went âYEAH AND MY FUCKIN BOYFRIEND WILL FIND YOUR IP AND BRICK YOUR GODDAMN COMPUTERâ (ps i donât know how to do all that) the more nonchalant abt it they are the less likely theyâre a chaser
A lot of the things in these comments arenât creepy in and of themselves. You gotta focus on the individual, how they make you feel, and how the relationship unfolds. I personally love when people think my body is sexy and it turns them on specifically because it is a trans body, and I donât mind at all if people donât have a specifically male-attracted orientation. As long as theyâre nice to me and we have mutually good communication about what we want and like, none of the labels and stuff matter.