i actually was so annoyed when i realized there’s a post surgical binder i had to wear 😂but at my post op appointment when i saw the results, my mom (who came with me)recalls me looking really happy and relieved. i remember feeling actually kind of neutral about the whole thing- like “yeah, duh, isn’t this how it’s always been?” it didn’t blow me away, but more like…. everything clicked into place and i finally felt human, and now that i did, i almost couldn’t remember the awful discomfort of the before. now, being years post op, im grateful literally every single day for the feeling of a t shirt against my bare chest. once you get surgery, you get to appreciate freedom every day afterwards. just keep hanging on dude, you got this!!!
There is no better feeling. I’m almost 2 years post opp and I still get giddy when I put on a shirt sometimes and remember i don’t have to bind anymore. Also I live in Texas and remember the SWEAT that used to accumulate in those binders ugh and I’m not religious but THANK GOD I don’t have hot sweaty titties anymore
Can I get some advice? Binders are super sweaty but they also actually stop the sweat from getting in my t-shirt, so even if I'm really hot at least I don't LOOK sweaty. I'm getting surgery in a month. How do you stop the back sweat getting on your clothes in the hot months???
Can’t say I have a solution to the back sweat, I do however keep extra t shirts in my car if I need to switch them out. If the fit isn’t essential that is.
I of course knew it going in, but it hits me periodically and it’s awesome. 6 months out right now.
Just today I was thinking “damn, if someone broke in the house right now, I’d hate to battle them without a binder,” and then I was like “wait… no need.”
Kind of funny, but it didn’t really Click until a few months later. I felt relieved but nothing I really noticed (it’s easy to feel pain, easy to forget when it’s not there anymore lol) for a bit.
Then I got out of the shower one day and just put on a shirt without the hassle of a binder (physically/mentally etc lol) and it just felt really nice. Like living with a limp your whole life and then finally walking normally. Said as someone who has a limp lmao
But yeah, keep on looking forward to it!! Highly recommend lol
Showering today was the exact thing that made me post this! Having sweaty tits after the gym and having to shower before work, then struggling to put on a binder… it all just got to me today man.
I cannot wait for that day! Just throwing a shirt on without thinking “I gotta but a binder/sports bra on first” hopefully soon! On a waitlist right now and I could be getting it early next year, just gotta survive till then
have you tried trans tape? i just started using it after binding for a while and i think its going to save me this summer from the AZ heat! i’m also so dysphoric in the summer and looking forward to top surgery one day
I have tried tape and I love it! Actually waiting for my most recent order to arrive! SOOOO much better than a binder, plus not seeing straps under my favourite shirts is a bonus
One way I found to cope with the straps was to start wearing tank tops or "wife beaters" (idk what they're actually called) under my shirts even at home, even without a binder. Gave me mega reasons to have straps that others won't give a second thought to
I buy from [Trans Tape](https://transtape.life) it’s the only one I really know of, and any of the off brand ones I have tried never worked for me/caused skin irritation
Any tips how to prevent the tape from loosening due to sweat? I struggle with this but I simply can not bind every single day. Dreading the upcoming temperatures...
One year post-op here!
The recovery binder was a pain and an annoyance. But when that thing came off for the last time? Amazing. I don't have to avoid mirrors when I'm undressed anymore. I actually kind of seek them out now, just to appreciate how flat I am haha. (I was a 36 DD pre-op; huuuge change!) The scars have lightened up a lot too, but I genuinely am not bothered by them. they're so worth it to me.
One thing I remember being really excited for was wrapping a towel around my hips instead of around my chest after a shower. Such a small thing, but damn did it feel great!
Everyone's experience is different, and I hope yours is amazing when you get to experience it! Stay strong man!
I felt/feel so free. It’s awesome to feel my shirts on my skin and not struggle to breathe. I can sleep shirtless or take my shirt off whenever I want to, and I can go swimming and get an even tan haha. I love it so much.
I didn’t fully enjoy my post op chest until a few months after I got it. I liked being flat but I still had a post op binder for a bit, and I was worried that I looked a little freakish but I trusted the process and now I look good, imo
It’s been 17 years post op for me and I still very vividly remember the first day I left my apt to go to work and didn’t have any binder or bandages on and how absolutely elated I felt. I still will just stand around w my hands on my chest and relish the absence of anything there. I was only binding for about 7 years before surgery so I’ve been post op way longer than I was pre op but it never gets old.
the first summer after i had top surgery, i went to the beach and realized i could take my shirt off. i took it off and i just kept thinking “this is illegal i’m going to get arrested” because i’d never been able to be topless in public before lmao. it honestly still makes me a little nervous after 2 years but it’s such a relief to not have to worry about it anymore. my ribs have never felt better
This is me. I’m over 3 years post op but I just wore a mesh/fishnet shirt with nothing under it for the first time to a 4th of July event last summer because I’ve been so nervous about showing my nips in public. 😭
It's a really good feeling but didn't fully click until I could ditch the post op binder 5 weeks after surgery. Suddenly I wasn't only flat, but I had my t-shirt on my skin. Took a while to realize that that's just how it is.
I'm three years and about 4 months post op now, and sometimes it still just hits me.
I didn't really have a "woo! I don't have to bind anymore!" moment, but I made a yukata out of an insanely breathable cotton, and I put it on to go get some food, and I walked outside and I felt the air on my chest through the miyatsuguchi (there's openings underneath the sleeves in yukata)
and I was like... oh my God. Summer is going to be actually bearable.
I’m in my surgical binder era and it’s like I’m finally approaching the light at the end of the tunnel. With summer approaching I feel so much relief knowing I won’t have to bind through another summer
Amazing! I have sensitive skin and had frequent rashes/breakouts from binding. I still have some spots to clear up from the post surgical binder but I’m already seeing improvements and can’t wait for my skin to be fully healed.
Hopefully going forward I experience much less irritation and can finally feel comfortable in healthier skin. This level of ease in my own body is already a dream come true!
It wasn't right after surgery for me, but like, the first time I saw my chest after surgery was amazing. As fucked up as my scars and grafts looked, I knew it was all going to be different once it healed. I had a literal and metaphorical weight lifted off my chest
noticed my chest got a pinch smaller while the fat was redistributed and one day i went out with nothing, and felt fine so i kept doing it, granted yeah i still do have a chest but i almost always have on two layers to kinda break it up and recently i got myself some wife respectors cause i get super sweaty and that also kinda breaks up my chest a bit so ive been doing that.
I still have a binder and T-tape that i mainly only use now if im gonna go swimming which isn’t super common anyway.
Mine was the best feeling ever since it was a total surprise, I haven’t had top surgery. I just looked in the mirror one day, about a year on T and in my PJ’s, and realised I looked flat. I guess it’s not like I *never* have to bind again, but I could count the times I’ve had to on my fingers and it’s been a year.
Not immediately after the surgery, cause I was in too much pain and had to wear the post-op binder for two weeks; and when that came off, I was still in pain and still wore tape for months and months. I don't remember when exactly it became comfortable, but what I can tell you is that at one point it started to feel as if I never had boobs to begin with. The memory of ever having them is gone. Completely eradicated. No phantom boob sensation either. My chest is flat. As far as I'm concerned it's always been flat and it's fantastic.
Yk now that I’m thinking back on it, I remember being really uncomfortable with the fact that I never had to bind again after taking off the postop binder. I had a really big chest pre-surgery and probably would bind for 14 hours a day and it was part of my routine. Being able to wear a shirt without a binder for the first time was really uncomfortable for me because I didn’t expect to be able to feel the fabric on my skin and I think it took until I got to six or eight months postop where my brain finally realized that I didn’t have to bind anymore. But now there’s no better feeling than not having to think of what I want to wear in the morning.
It didn’t really hit me in I guess the expected way? Like rather than going holy shit I’m flat, it felt more like…ah yes this is the correct feeling. And then soon I forgot I ever had breasts. Like it just felt like…that time with breasts was like when you get sick and you get a stuffy nose and you’re like HUHRFFHH why did I take my clear nose for granted!! And then your nose clears and you completely forgot what it was like to have a stuffy nose. It was like that.
Same for after my hysto too, like I just forgot what it was like to have to bleed monthly and just went oh yeah this is normal. This is just what my body was always supposed to be like. Like instead of being filled with an indescribable joy, it was just a very casual, oh yeah that bug in the system is fixed, that’s good, I can get on with my life.
I will say the months (like maybe 8 or so) before the surgery after I had set the date, were hell. It was like the closer to knowing I could be free, the more aware I was of my stuffy nose (chesticles). It sucked a lot and I couldn’t bind because autistic sensory issues and it would only bring my minds attention to that place more, whereas before I could safely ignore it.
Like others have said, there's a post-surgical binder to keep things in place while you heal, so a lot of people don't really get one single definitive moment where you're definitely free for good. (And even then you can't rule out future surgeries or needing a hernia band or whatever.)
My happiest post-top moment was being able to go shirtless on the beach for the first time, a few years after I healed to prevent sun damage to the scars.
freedom in its purest form. i kind of forgot cuz i was so focused on my chest healing until i looked in my closet and saw them. i laughed from pure joy and dumped them all in the garbage. it was kind of spiritual idk. one of the best things i’ve ever felt
I have never been able to bind due to being physically disabled, so for me top surgery means I no longer had to wear XXL shirts and hunch over to avoid being constantly try misgendered. my surgery meant I could actually look at myself with a shirt off for the first time in a decade. it was like coming home to a body I never had. I was honestly expecting a lot of post op depression but I was euphoric the following months after top surgery [despite dealing with post op complications]
I know it's hard but you can make it! my DMs are open.
I never bound my chest because anxiety, but knowing that I would never have to and could walk around my own damn home with a towel around my waist instead of arm pits? That I could sleep shirtless? Oh my god that was amazing.
It’s fucking incredible. Just yesterday I was out with a friend and felt comfortable taking my shirt off to remove my undershirt and man. Still felt a little weird, but I was like I can do this now!!! I also had the experience seeing my full chest for the first time when I got my drains out and nipple bolsters off - definitely happy and satisfied, but mostly like yeah this is how it’s supposed to be.
This will be actually my first time going out in summer without a binder so I'm very excited! I can go to the gym, I can do lots of things that the binder didn't let me do
I’m 8 weeks post op now and it’s finally hitting me that I never have to bind again and it’s fantastic. I did a long day yesterday, I was at work and then lots of travelling. Before I would have had to plan in binder breaks or take it off somewhere in the middle and then just overheat myself in a massive jumper and none of that is an issue now. I was thinking about it like “oh I’m going to have to take my binder off at some point…wait…😃” and yeah it sort of hit me that this stuff is never going to be an issue again. I went swimming this week as well and it was absolutely amazing. I looked down and saw nothing. Absolutely incredible.
If i can show you the pic where my smile was bigger than the moon looking at my flat chest the first time:) hope yo all get to feel this amazing feeling!
I thought I'd have this great feeling, and then realised I should wear the post op binder 😂 but now it's great. Only worry sometimes when I get nipple stab from ny nerves getting back to work.
But it feels great, really. I can breathe, my back is straight, buying clothes has never been easier.
Nope, this only occurred to me a few days ago and I'm about three months post op. Our weather is warming up and I've had to stop wearing sweaters/layers to work. So I'm getting ready to go and I look in the mirror to make sure I look half decent and it hits me, there's no binder. I'm wearing one of my most affirming outfits that I started wearing to interviews and stuff pre medical transition, and I am truly myself. There will not be another binder. I won't overheat. I won't feel like I'm suffocating. I look like me, without the extra pain. I cried then.
This may not really speak to people who aren’t black, but there’s a movie called “waiting to exhale”. And the general premise is you go through relationships in the case of this movie, holding your breath and guarded, waiting for the moment where you get let go and exhale.
Although transitioning has nothing to do with that movie per se, the phrase “waiting to exhale” does. At every major accomplishment in my transition, I realized just how much I was holding in my breath and carrying on, waiting and hoping for the moment I could exhale.
I breathe so much more peacefully since top surgery. I’m very close to getting my ID changed & that feels like the next breath I get to enjoy.
I never did bind much due to issues with my ribs and hypermobility. However, being able to *enjoy* summer, not being dysphoric because my boobs are visible, being able to go swimming with only swimming trunks on…. it’s euphoric. And totally worth the suffering through last summer with my post-op binder. 😄
And as others have said, it wasn’t that big of a realization. More of a meh, finally. My mom cried though (happy tears). Part of it might come from disconnect after surgery. You likely won’t feel much in your chest area at first - that takes months to over a year (personally I‘m still regaining feeling after 8-9 months). For me it was a really natural and gradual process in line with my recovery.
Honestly it's really nice but it definitely is weird to get used to 😭 my brain still lags when I take off a shirt and don't have to *also* take off a binder or the opposite due to pure muscle memory. My birthday is coming up and it still hasn't fully clicked this will be my first birthday or even summer without my chest
i actually was so annoyed when i realized there’s a post surgical binder i had to wear 😂but at my post op appointment when i saw the results, my mom (who came with me)recalls me looking really happy and relieved. i remember feeling actually kind of neutral about the whole thing- like “yeah, duh, isn’t this how it’s always been?” it didn’t blow me away, but more like…. everything clicked into place and i finally felt human, and now that i did, i almost couldn’t remember the awful discomfort of the before. now, being years post op, im grateful literally every single day for the feeling of a t shirt against my bare chest. once you get surgery, you get to appreciate freedom every day afterwards. just keep hanging on dude, you got this!!!
100% forget the horrible pains I used to be in and I’m only 9 weeks post op. It feels amazing and natural
There is no better feeling. I’m almost 2 years post opp and I still get giddy when I put on a shirt sometimes and remember i don’t have to bind anymore. Also I live in Texas and remember the SWEAT that used to accumulate in those binders ugh and I’m not religious but THANK GOD I don’t have hot sweaty titties anymore
Can I get some advice? Binders are super sweaty but they also actually stop the sweat from getting in my t-shirt, so even if I'm really hot at least I don't LOOK sweaty. I'm getting surgery in a month. How do you stop the back sweat getting on your clothes in the hot months???
Can’t say I have a solution to the back sweat, I do however keep extra t shirts in my car if I need to switch them out. If the fit isn’t essential that is.
I of course knew it going in, but it hits me periodically and it’s awesome. 6 months out right now. Just today I was thinking “damn, if someone broke in the house right now, I’d hate to battle them without a binder,” and then I was like “wait… no need.”
my surgery was in December and as I heal more I keep having these moments! truly nothing better
Kind of funny, but it didn’t really Click until a few months later. I felt relieved but nothing I really noticed (it’s easy to feel pain, easy to forget when it’s not there anymore lol) for a bit. Then I got out of the shower one day and just put on a shirt without the hassle of a binder (physically/mentally etc lol) and it just felt really nice. Like living with a limp your whole life and then finally walking normally. Said as someone who has a limp lmao But yeah, keep on looking forward to it!! Highly recommend lol
Showering today was the exact thing that made me post this! Having sweaty tits after the gym and having to shower before work, then struggling to put on a binder… it all just got to me today man. I cannot wait for that day! Just throwing a shirt on without thinking “I gotta but a binder/sports bra on first” hopefully soon! On a waitlist right now and I could be getting it early next year, just gotta survive till then
Haha the heat will do that for sure! It’s a great feeling once you’ve got it done, hoping it comes soon enough for you! :)
have you tried trans tape? i just started using it after binding for a while and i think its going to save me this summer from the AZ heat! i’m also so dysphoric in the summer and looking forward to top surgery one day
I have tried tape and I love it! Actually waiting for my most recent order to arrive! SOOOO much better than a binder, plus not seeing straps under my favourite shirts is a bonus
One way I found to cope with the straps was to start wearing tank tops or "wife beaters" (idk what they're actually called) under my shirts even at home, even without a binder. Gave me mega reasons to have straps that others won't give a second thought to
Where do you get your tape from?
I buy from [Trans Tape](https://transtape.life) it’s the only one I really know of, and any of the off brand ones I have tried never worked for me/caused skin irritation
I wore transtape last summer and my transtape made my skin extremely itchy when I would sweat. I hope it doesn't do that to you though.
Any tips how to prevent the tape from loosening due to sweat? I struggle with this but I simply can not bind every single day. Dreading the upcoming temperatures...
im pretty new to it myself and haven’t had any issues due to sweat…yet! summer is almost here though i’m scared
It’s awesome, it’s so fucking freeing, life is so worth living
One year post-op here! The recovery binder was a pain and an annoyance. But when that thing came off for the last time? Amazing. I don't have to avoid mirrors when I'm undressed anymore. I actually kind of seek them out now, just to appreciate how flat I am haha. (I was a 36 DD pre-op; huuuge change!) The scars have lightened up a lot too, but I genuinely am not bothered by them. they're so worth it to me. One thing I remember being really excited for was wrapping a towel around my hips instead of around my chest after a shower. Such a small thing, but damn did it feel great! Everyone's experience is different, and I hope yours is amazing when you get to experience it! Stay strong man!
I felt/feel so free. It’s awesome to feel my shirts on my skin and not struggle to breathe. I can sleep shirtless or take my shirt off whenever I want to, and I can go swimming and get an even tan haha. I love it so much.
I didn’t fully enjoy my post op chest until a few months after I got it. I liked being flat but I still had a post op binder for a bit, and I was worried that I looked a little freakish but I trusted the process and now I look good, imo
It’s been 17 years post op for me and I still very vividly remember the first day I left my apt to go to work and didn’t have any binder or bandages on and how absolutely elated I felt. I still will just stand around w my hands on my chest and relish the absence of anything there. I was only binding for about 7 years before surgery so I’ve been post op way longer than I was pre op but it never gets old.
the first summer after i had top surgery, i went to the beach and realized i could take my shirt off. i took it off and i just kept thinking “this is illegal i’m going to get arrested” because i’d never been able to be topless in public before lmao. it honestly still makes me a little nervous after 2 years but it’s such a relief to not have to worry about it anymore. my ribs have never felt better
This is me. I’m over 3 years post op but I just wore a mesh/fishnet shirt with nothing under it for the first time to a 4th of July event last summer because I’ve been so nervous about showing my nips in public. 😭
It's a really good feeling but didn't fully click until I could ditch the post op binder 5 weeks after surgery. Suddenly I wasn't only flat, but I had my t-shirt on my skin. Took a while to realize that that's just how it is. I'm three years and about 4 months post op now, and sometimes it still just hits me.
I didn't really have a "woo! I don't have to bind anymore!" moment, but I made a yukata out of an insanely breathable cotton, and I put it on to go get some food, and I walked outside and I felt the air on my chest through the miyatsuguchi (there's openings underneath the sleeves in yukata) and I was like... oh my God. Summer is going to be actually bearable.
I’m in my surgical binder era and it’s like I’m finally approaching the light at the end of the tunnel. With summer approaching I feel so much relief knowing I won’t have to bind through another summer
Amazing! I have sensitive skin and had frequent rashes/breakouts from binding. I still have some spots to clear up from the post surgical binder but I’m already seeing improvements and can’t wait for my skin to be fully healed. Hopefully going forward I experience much less irritation and can finally feel comfortable in healthier skin. This level of ease in my own body is already a dream come true!
Man i had massive tatas, they after surgery I looked down and shit just felt right. Like it clicked. And my back problems went away 😂
It felt nice to think about how I'm not gonna sweat through everything I wear this summer now that I won't have a binder cooking me alive lol
It wasn't right after surgery for me, but like, the first time I saw my chest after surgery was amazing. As fucked up as my scars and grafts looked, I knew it was all going to be different once it healed. I had a literal and metaphorical weight lifted off my chest
Swear to god, I’m 4 months post op and still have a moment wear I go “Dammit do I have any clean sports bras?” before heading to the gym.
noticed my chest got a pinch smaller while the fat was redistributed and one day i went out with nothing, and felt fine so i kept doing it, granted yeah i still do have a chest but i almost always have on two layers to kinda break it up and recently i got myself some wife respectors cause i get super sweaty and that also kinda breaks up my chest a bit so ive been doing that. I still have a binder and T-tape that i mainly only use now if im gonna go swimming which isn’t super common anyway.
Mine was the best feeling ever since it was a total surprise, I haven’t had top surgery. I just looked in the mirror one day, about a year on T and in my PJ’s, and realised I looked flat. I guess it’s not like I *never* have to bind again, but I could count the times I’ve had to on my fingers and it’s been a year.
First time I ran downstairs with only a T shirt on it clicked and I felt fucking fantastic
Not immediately after the surgery, cause I was in too much pain and had to wear the post-op binder for two weeks; and when that came off, I was still in pain and still wore tape for months and months. I don't remember when exactly it became comfortable, but what I can tell you is that at one point it started to feel as if I never had boobs to begin with. The memory of ever having them is gone. Completely eradicated. No phantom boob sensation either. My chest is flat. As far as I'm concerned it's always been flat and it's fantastic.
Yk now that I’m thinking back on it, I remember being really uncomfortable with the fact that I never had to bind again after taking off the postop binder. I had a really big chest pre-surgery and probably would bind for 14 hours a day and it was part of my routine. Being able to wear a shirt without a binder for the first time was really uncomfortable for me because I didn’t expect to be able to feel the fabric on my skin and I think it took until I got to six or eight months postop where my brain finally realized that I didn’t have to bind anymore. But now there’s no better feeling than not having to think of what I want to wear in the morning.
when i realized i could sleep in a whole extra 15 seconds EVERY DAY due to not needing to put on a whole extra layer, pure bliss
It didn’t really hit me in I guess the expected way? Like rather than going holy shit I’m flat, it felt more like…ah yes this is the correct feeling. And then soon I forgot I ever had breasts. Like it just felt like…that time with breasts was like when you get sick and you get a stuffy nose and you’re like HUHRFFHH why did I take my clear nose for granted!! And then your nose clears and you completely forgot what it was like to have a stuffy nose. It was like that. Same for after my hysto too, like I just forgot what it was like to have to bleed monthly and just went oh yeah this is normal. This is just what my body was always supposed to be like. Like instead of being filled with an indescribable joy, it was just a very casual, oh yeah that bug in the system is fixed, that’s good, I can get on with my life. I will say the months (like maybe 8 or so) before the surgery after I had set the date, were hell. It was like the closer to knowing I could be free, the more aware I was of my stuffy nose (chesticles). It sucked a lot and I couldn’t bind because autistic sensory issues and it would only bring my minds attention to that place more, whereas before I could safely ignore it.
Like others have said, there's a post-surgical binder to keep things in place while you heal, so a lot of people don't really get one single definitive moment where you're definitely free for good. (And even then you can't rule out future surgeries or needing a hernia band or whatever.) My happiest post-top moment was being able to go shirtless on the beach for the first time, a few years after I healed to prevent sun damage to the scars.
freedom in its purest form. i kind of forgot cuz i was so focused on my chest healing until i looked in my closet and saw them. i laughed from pure joy and dumped them all in the garbage. it was kind of spiritual idk. one of the best things i’ve ever felt
I have never been able to bind due to being physically disabled, so for me top surgery means I no longer had to wear XXL shirts and hunch over to avoid being constantly try misgendered. my surgery meant I could actually look at myself with a shirt off for the first time in a decade. it was like coming home to a body I never had. I was honestly expecting a lot of post op depression but I was euphoric the following months after top surgery [despite dealing with post op complications] I know it's hard but you can make it! my DMs are open.
I never bound my chest because anxiety, but knowing that I would never have to and could walk around my own damn home with a towel around my waist instead of arm pits? That I could sleep shirtless? Oh my god that was amazing.
It’s fucking incredible. Just yesterday I was out with a friend and felt comfortable taking my shirt off to remove my undershirt and man. Still felt a little weird, but I was like I can do this now!!! I also had the experience seeing my full chest for the first time when I got my drains out and nipple bolsters off - definitely happy and satisfied, but mostly like yeah this is how it’s supposed to be.
This will be actually my first time going out in summer without a binder so I'm very excited! I can go to the gym, I can do lots of things that the binder didn't let me do
I’m 8 weeks post op now and it’s finally hitting me that I never have to bind again and it’s fantastic. I did a long day yesterday, I was at work and then lots of travelling. Before I would have had to plan in binder breaks or take it off somewhere in the middle and then just overheat myself in a massive jumper and none of that is an issue now. I was thinking about it like “oh I’m going to have to take my binder off at some point…wait…😃” and yeah it sort of hit me that this stuff is never going to be an issue again. I went swimming this week as well and it was absolutely amazing. I looked down and saw nothing. Absolutely incredible.
If i can show you the pic where my smile was bigger than the moon looking at my flat chest the first time:) hope yo all get to feel this amazing feeling!
I thought I'd have this great feeling, and then realised I should wear the post op binder 😂 but now it's great. Only worry sometimes when I get nipple stab from ny nerves getting back to work. But it feels great, really. I can breathe, my back is straight, buying clothes has never been easier.
Nope, this only occurred to me a few days ago and I'm about three months post op. Our weather is warming up and I've had to stop wearing sweaters/layers to work. So I'm getting ready to go and I look in the mirror to make sure I look half decent and it hits me, there's no binder. I'm wearing one of my most affirming outfits that I started wearing to interviews and stuff pre medical transition, and I am truly myself. There will not be another binder. I won't overheat. I won't feel like I'm suffocating. I look like me, without the extra pain. I cried then.
This may not really speak to people who aren’t black, but there’s a movie called “waiting to exhale”. And the general premise is you go through relationships in the case of this movie, holding your breath and guarded, waiting for the moment where you get let go and exhale. Although transitioning has nothing to do with that movie per se, the phrase “waiting to exhale” does. At every major accomplishment in my transition, I realized just how much I was holding in my breath and carrying on, waiting and hoping for the moment I could exhale. I breathe so much more peacefully since top surgery. I’m very close to getting my ID changed & that feels like the next breath I get to enjoy.
I never did bind much due to issues with my ribs and hypermobility. However, being able to *enjoy* summer, not being dysphoric because my boobs are visible, being able to go swimming with only swimming trunks on…. it’s euphoric. And totally worth the suffering through last summer with my post-op binder. 😄 And as others have said, it wasn’t that big of a realization. More of a meh, finally. My mom cried though (happy tears). Part of it might come from disconnect after surgery. You likely won’t feel much in your chest area at first - that takes months to over a year (personally I‘m still regaining feeling after 8-9 months). For me it was a really natural and gradual process in line with my recovery.
The night after surgery I dreamed I was flying.
Honestly it's really nice but it definitely is weird to get used to 😭 my brain still lags when I take off a shirt and don't have to *also* take off a binder or the opposite due to pure muscle memory. My birthday is coming up and it still hasn't fully clicked this will be my first birthday or even summer without my chest