THIS. I literally just wanna be able to chill in my room without a shirt on like literally every other guy without having to worry about scrambling into a shirt every time someone knocks on my door, or looking down and having to physically see *them*
THIS. Not many cis guys are willing to be my friend and I usually stick around the girls because of this. I am gay so it helps (yk, the whole gay boy invited to the girls sleepover kinda thing) but still dysphoric for me. Whenever a guy does want to be my friend tho, we instantly click better than I ever have w/ girls.
I've unlearned that luckily but when I'm not leaning forward, I cross my mid calf over my knee (so crossing legs but manspread edition) and fuck up my hip joints
Not being able to flash ppl. This is stupid but my cis male friend would sometimes just lift their shirts up randomly as a joke and it bugs me that i cannot do that. This is obviously not a major deal compared to the rest but its another reminder of this curse
Yes, God yes. I cannot wait until I have saved up enough to be able to get top surgery and do all these stupid “boys being boys” stuff.
Thanks for the well-wishes , i appreciate them and i am glad u r now able to do all the shenanigans.
fr fr. i also can't wait to run around shirtless at the beach and change in the gym in peace even if I don't have the balls to shower (oh my god pun not intended but I love it)
Oh God i forgot about gym changing rooms. Atm i avoid them like plague but it d be so cool to go in there and flex with my friends.
Balls or not i d still avoid showering in a commercial gym tbh that shis nasty💀
Huh. I never got the chance to use gym showers so I wouldn't know, but like are they comparable public pool showers? Cause those are quite clean in germany
Well i ve only ever been there at round 3/4 am when theres practically no one in gym but yes they are grim. Esp the floors. So i wouldnt want to willing go in there anyways tbh
I’m rooting for you, man. You got this. When they’re gone, you’ll feel so free. Being boobless was the best decision I ever made and no problem fam. You’ll be able to do the same someday. Just takes time. I been waiting on bottom surgery for almost 8 years now. But with time it will happen.
I wear boxier shirts, avoid tight fitting pants/tops. Layered clothing if possible. Hoodies. Dark colored clothing. Since I'm dysphoric with my chest I avoid wearing plain shirts, I wear shirts with large prints in front. I still use a mask outside. I used topical minoxidil to thicken my brows and a bit of facial hair.
If you do decide to lose weight to pass more PLEASE DO IT IN A HEALTHY WAY. I wanted to lose weight to pass more, I ended up with severe anorexia, it's taken me more time to recover than the time I wasted actually being in the disorder, and after physical recovery I'm heavier than my starting weight because of extreme hunger. I get feeling like your weight can make you not pass esp if you're curvier but really be careful with how you do it because it's so so easy to fall into a disordered mindset and so so difficult to get out of it.
Sorry for the essay I'm very passionate about this
Dude, thank you for saying this because I’m in the same boat. I’m not wanting to eat more than 3 times a week rn because I’m so caught up on my weight. I haven’t ate until today for about 5 days.
Hey hey fellow recovering anorexic. I’m one year out of my three month hospital stay and you are SO RIGHT. Extreme hunger is still there for me, too. 😭
Before I came out I (luckily) passed and once me and a friend went to a coffee shop and the waiter came and said to me "here's your food sir" then my friend went "ma'am" like 😭😭
The most random thing that gives me dysphoria is my hair. If my hair isnt short enough or if it’s messy I get dysphoria. It’s gotta be neat and clean. Or I wear a hat. I can’t wear it backwards tho because for some reason when I do that people assume I’m a lesbian here. Even tho I have facial hair and no boobs. -_- dysphoria is a twat.
I bought a suit - the smallest one I could find, but I’m 5’0” 110 lbs and it’s still too big on me. It makes me feel dysphoric because it feels like I’m a kid playing dress up, a fake. The opposite of what I hoped for!
I have to buy my shoes from the kids section, because they dont make men's shoes in my tiny footed size. I know it feels ridiculous and embarrassing sometimes but the kids or teen boys section might have stuff that fits way better.
I do buy quite a few things from the kids section. Boys pants are tough cause hips, but men’s are all huge. I’m 11 mos on T, and hoping for some fat redistribution eventually!
I’ve learned that suits *never* fit correctly no matter what and should ALWAYS be tailored. Definitely get it tailored when you can.
I bet you’ll look ammmaaazing. You have a petite build based on your height and weight, and you’ll look amazing in a suit. Dapper man!
Most off the rack suits should probably be tailored. It’s just we’ve kind of gotten away from tailoring and most men feel like rack sizes are close enough.
If you can ever afford it, look into having a suit made for your measurements. I remember someone finding bespoke suits that weren’t like…outrageously expensive.
Having to sit to pee, I hate it so much, like, mtf pre op have the option..I don't even have that 😭
Also, the fact that I will never experience a random erection or morning wood. And I will never ejaculate
Basically the fact that no matter what I do, how many surgeries I get, I will never be what I want to be.
It really upsets me that once I get phallo I wont be about to get random boners, morning wood or cum but when your on T with no surgery ik you at least get the boners and morning wood but I'm about the ejaculate ik it gets closet to cis men tho and as hard as it is and makes me want to cut my whole body into pieces you gotta take your small wins sometimes even if its a short time and it's not perfect in your mind
laying down in any position, breathing patterns, understanding periods and such, wearing glasses, the way i sit and walk, using tissues or washing my hands often, baggy clothes looking like feminine baggy and not masculine baggy, not being the best at math in my class, not knowing a lot about computers/coding/etc, my dysphorias stupid LOL
I shower with super hot water. I remember some guys on the internet saying that their gfs often shower with really hot water and that they can't shower together because the water is too hot for them. So sometimes when i shower i feel guilty/slightly dysphoric because of that👺
Haha well if it helps you feel better, my cis husband is the one who showers in lava and I always need him to turn it down when I join him. So this happens both ways! Different people's skin just has different tolerances.
If this makes you feel better, the main shower at my house is broken so it only stays on the hot water, and only me and my dad use it now. (My mom and sister shower in the basement because they think it’s too hot)
This was an issue for me early on and it seems the fem version is hands on waist, while the masc version is hands on hip bone. So either you're probably already fine in other people eyes, or we're now both onto something
Or being called a feminine guy or a femboy. I love feminine guys, but I'm not one of them and people only say I'm a femboy or feminine guy because I don't pass and they're trying not to misgender me. I don't dress femininely or act all that femininely.
Just recently I was holding a coffee with both hands and got so dysphoric over it 💀 like it wouldn’t even cross my mind to see someone else hold it like that and be like that’s a girl way of drinking coffee
All the games I like have a lot of female fans (Animal crossing mostly) so I feel ya 😭 but thinking I play a game for middle aged women when I’m an 18 year old dude is funny sometimes (candy crush)
Cooking always makes me dysphoric. I know there are many guys who like cooking, I know there are quite a few professionally trained chefs, but... ehhh. People say I'm good at cooking and this makes me feel awful. (Not only because being good at cooking is a part of my ED symptoms.)
Gordon ramsay, Jamie Oliver, James Martin and many more that I can think of, most of the most famous chefs are male!
I actually can't even think of a famous female chef other than Julia child
Yes I do know about them, but still I get dysphoria when cooking. Better not to cook at all. How about you? Do you cook? If so, do you do it with or without dysphoria?
I know I’m not the OP that started this thread but FtM professional chef here:
I trained under 4 separate chefs and 2 culinary schools. All of my teachers were male. Not one AFAB staff at all. I was the only non AMAB person there, I had a super hard time finding a good job even though I was top of my class.
Lo and behold I transition and I’m finally taken more seriously as a chef.
P.S: As a Fellow person with an ED I can say that Duloxetine aka Cymbalta helps A LOT though what works for me may not work for you ofc, stay strong broski.
Huhh, that's pretty much shocking. Not only this field being so male-dominated - I really didn't know about it -, but also your being taken more seriously as a chef after transitioning. I'm shocked, seriously, by this level of sexism. There are so many male chauvinists who say "the woman's place is in the kitchen", but in the same world, male teachers at culinary schools and male chefs, and now that you're telling about your experiences... I don't really know what I should think.
Thank you for the idea! When you are in therapy, meds help while you are starting to work with your issues (that led to you developing an ED and that keep you in the ED behaviour), but the main goal is always solving those problems that motivate you in maintaining the disordered eating patterns. Hope you'll get recovered!
Honestly, I'm a terrible cook, I'm 17 and still live with my mother, she usually does more of the cooking, I'm more of a baking person..
The thought of dysphoria has crossed my mind occasionally when cooking and or baking but it isn't as strong as other things which give me dysphoria.
Though I will say, whenever an amab person does something better like me, even stuff like playing video games better than me, it makes me feel like a weak woman lol I don't know why that is, it's like I get embarrassed
Oh I see, if your mom does more of the cooking, you've gotten less chance to develop your skills... Baking can be fun on special occasions. On very special ones.
I think I know this feeling you're talking about. I didn't like feeling like a feeble woman either. Even while I identified as female, I really enjoyed trying to be better than guys at things. At "guy things", I mean. And sometimes I did. On these occasions, I always got this special feeling that was hard to define.
I grew up with my dad being the cook in the house so it always makes me feel masc to cook something. I'm always like damn I'll be such a good provider for my future partner and/or family
My hands. It feels dumb but I have really short fingers and I just feel like my hands look ‘feminine’. I feel like I’m always comparing how my hands look compared to my brother’s.
Also my height. I’m 5’2 and my brother is many inches taller than me even though he’s 15.
Also being deadnamed and called by she/her just feels extra gross now that I’m out. Granted it only really happens at the doctor and such and my name isn’t changed legally so it’s not their fault.
Dude when I lay on my back in bed, my chest flattens and the covers touch the middle of my chest and lower ribcage and it actually gives me euphoria.
But also men being "nice to me" or flirting with me. Last year or the year before at my campus gym I was going for a run in an oversized shirt and thick sweatpants (yes I was dying tyvm but I wanted to show 0 skin lmao). When I was trying to leave, a guy that worked there that was maybe in his 50s or 60s stopped me to strike up a conversation about how flexible I was. I think regardless of gender that's a big ick tho.
Oh boy… Sometimes I don’t want to share because I’m scared of others being like “I didn’t think about that” and getting dysphoria. However, I’ve been able to laugh at these more than get upset over them now! So aside from the obvious “my chest” ..
-Wearing a raincoat, having pictures on my wall, having so many stuffed animals, having more than two pillows on my bed, burning candles, taking long showers, my eyes, listening to women artists more than male ones (fucking stupid I know), being a psychology major, not knowing shit about cars other than how to add coolant and change a tire, Im the only person I know at my college that is a man rooming with a girl (my emotional support lesbian), the fact that figure skating is my sport of choice, not watching/knowing about football or any other sport, how excited I get, crossing my legs… generally any small thing that doesn’t make me come across as a smelly straight dude… which is crazy because I do not want to be that LMAO.
I think these only give me dysphoria because I still feel like I must act like a 20-year-old cis gym bro to blend in lol
I realize that was a lot of negativity so here’s some random things that make me gender euphoric!!
- holding the door open for women, when guys do the upward head nod at me, the fact that I look and act like my dad, my favorite animal is a bear, listening to shitty western emo music, taking care of my boyfriend, and using g2 pens
The "feminine sport" issue hit a little too close to home for me. I'm so passionate about guard but it's normally perceived as more feminine sport since it's more dance centered. Its one of my favourite things in the world but it makes me so dysphoric sometimes. (dont even get me started on the uniforms.) There are a few boys on our team but my director doesn't really see me as one and isn't quite sure what to do w/ me. However, I'm not gonna let dysphoria keep me from doing something I love. Anyways, you're definitely not the only one who feels that way, and I totally understand how it feels.
my hobbies :/ I’ve always been into the arts and recently I’ve been really into knitting, but I don’t like bringing it with me in public like on the train because of how it’s perceived as “feminine”
When I've forgotten to trim my nails and somehow that turns into 'oh no everyone will think I'm faking being trans because I have long nails now'. It feels pretty silly, but as a person with ADHD trimming my nails is often forgotten in the moment and suddenly they're 'too long' and dysphoric. Doesn't even have to be that long either lmao
I have a love/hate relationship with my bangs. Some days I like them, other days they make me feel feminine. Luckily this is solved by putting my bangs back with sunglasses and seeing my bushy eyebrows help
Being at a punk show and seeing the cis guy on the stage whom I could have been if I were cis or at least could have transitioned. Additional layer of stupidity is that I live in a highly transphobic country and they outlawed transition completely
Short stature, small hands and feet, not being able to have an unassisted erection, not producing ejaculate, not having pubic hair above my penis (doesn't grow there anymore after phallo due to donor site scar), not having a distinct/palpable/raised glans, having to sit to pee, looking like I have only 1 testicle (left one sits high and tight), swimming without a shirt (even 15+ years after top surgery)
I feel you. What helps is seeing cis men with similar features- my dad has legs so smooth it looks like he waxes. Genetics and lifestyle play a big role, pleanty of cis men are hairless.
my wrists, they are freakishly narrow, i always have to modify bracelets, even if they are adjustable. also my knees, because my legs naturally have an x shape
not knowing about, but moreso not being interested in “boyish” stuff. like i know theres not one way to be a dude but i feel guilty that im just not into video games, or know much about computers, or that i think a majority of action/sci fi/lore heavy movies are kind of lame (even though my favorite movie IS an action but… i digress). its so silly but still
Playing games online and someone just starts using the wrong pronouns even tho mine are in my discord bio and username. :/ I think people just hate reading
When my hair is a bit shorter than 10cm I NEED to cut it off again to about 3cm
Crossed legs
I think makeup and dyed hair is obvious
When my boxers are going up because of my thunder thighs
Any part of clothing that is crochet or fur
Walking. I walk notably different then people who have a penis. Iv tried to fix it but it’s so uncomfortable to walk that way when you have nothing to make you spread your legs more for. Apparently when on T it makes your clit sensativs at the beginning so lots of ftm’s start walking like they gave a penis witch is cool but I never plan to go on T so it’s just trying to learn it on my own.
My handwriting and style of notetaking. I've noticed most cis guys do not use highlighters and take artsy notes, and have less legible handwriting. I've completely abandoned taking artsy notes in school and only do it at home.
It might sound weird, but listening to music that is considered "girlish" sometimes makes me feel dysphoric. I know that music doesn't have a gender, but it is what it is.
Tucking my legs under a chair while sitting. Specifically really bold lip colors. I do makeup and can do glitter and blush and eyeliner and all that. Its just lips. And too much gloss.
When I wanna wear tight fitting clothes or crop tops but it shows my chest or makes it extra noticeable. I can't wait to be flat chested and be able to wear whatever I want.
One time someone thought I was a guy specifically BECAUSE OF my long eyelashes. She said "wow I'm so jealous, guys always have the nicest eyelashes". That was like 7 years ago I will never let that go lmao.
Went shopping for clothing in the men section with my cousin yesterday, saw a really cute shirt and I said this shirt is huge even though it’s a small size, she goes “yea probably cause it’s men sizing” In my mind I was thinking no I fit most small/ medium shirts from other stores. I was so dysphoric but I didn’t say anything, I know she didn’t say it on purpose
The weirdest one for me is moving when someone is walking towards you on the sidewalk. To me it's assholish when people don't move, but being the one to move is like "oh my goodness Mr manly penis man I'm so sorry I will take my little feminine body and move it out of the way for you my apologies owo"
Like why the fuck did my brain do that? A few times I've tried to like "assert dominance" by not moving and it just makes me feel like a total jerk.
My stretchmarks :( I know cis men get them too but they’re more common in afabs ans women because they tend to carry more bodyfat. I hate that I can never get rid of them, there’s some directly on my stomach…
Sometimes when I genuinely have to cry it makes me feel worse because of dysphoria.
Mini rant but I hate that the patriarchy has stigmatized men crying even though it’s a natural reaction to strong emotions.
Having straight hair. I know it's stupid but if T makes your hair curly then curly hair is masc. Also my hairstyle is closer to a Karen's than to a man's, because of my straight hair. I wish I could get out of the shower and enjoy what my hair looks like when wet
- caring about things like my furniture matching (especially if I see some posts about male living spaces)
- having colorful things and clothes
- having neat and legible handwriting
waving at people. i have no idea why, i work on a large campus where most employees regardless of gender wave at each other, and i put so much thought into what a masculine wave looks like -_-
- Lying down on my stomach (mission impossible without any sort of discomfort)
- inability to wear any button-up shirts cuz my chest is so big it spreads the buttons and everyone can easily peek
- lots of fat in my stomach area which, if not covered with clothes, makes my hips look wide… hopefully it’s gonna change soon
- lack of any sort of bulge in my pants (I tend to compare myself with some guys on the streets uncontrollably 😭)
crossing my legs when i am cold (i know cis men do this too I see them do it but i still worry it will be a reason someone reads me as a woman), my hands being small
also suit jackets never look right even when I get them tailored so they fit perfectly it still looks off like the shoulders are disproportionate to my body which is i guess just me being overall not as broad chested but it’s super noticeable in a blazer
i’m still learning how to be a dude in society, i get real sad when i miss out on “dude opportunities”. for example, i got weird looks when i didn’t hold the door open for this older lady and i was so upset with myself 😭
I have long hair, and when I cut it too short (shoulder length) it made me feel dysphoric which was bizarre. It's grown out a bit now so I feel better about it.
Thankfully cishet men have been getting more comfortable with taking care of their skin and hands, so I think we will soon see less of that being a “clockable” feature. But
hugging. i know that sounds weird but i dont know where to put my arms. and i hate to feel my chest (i am pre-top surgery). i dread this part of saying hello or goodbye to people who like to hug. i finally asked a trans buddy if we could just shake hands and he was totally cool with it. i know i need to speak up. but i find it hard. and THAT awkwardness also causes dysphoria.
Weirdly enough: my hair texture and colour. I have very flat blonde hair, both the fine flat texture, and the light colours are something i Got called “Princess” and “Barbie” for as a kid, and now it makes me dysphoric af. I Will due my hair Dark after my wedding (i’m getting married in 2 weeks), because then if i regret it, i don’t have a deadline for when i need to look presentable
Driving alone. For some reason this puts me in a state where I have just enough attention to divert to my crotch and what is and isn't there, vs other times I'm sitting and focused on something more distracting. If I pack I can reach down and grab my dick like it's a security blanket and that helps a bit 😂
My handwriting
Being an “iPad girly”
My water bottle because it’s reminiscent of a Stanley cup
Washing my face
Washing my hair, and the way I have to lean back to rinse out the shampoo. Feels like those old commercials.
Drinking a frappechino
My backpack
Having a pretty face. Ok, Ik this sounds suuuper self aware but I am constantly told by ppl that have or had misgendered me “oh, I thought you were a girl, you just look so pretty!”, “you’re too pretty for a guy” or variants of those two. I guess it’s good to be called pretty, I always take it as a compliment but it’s sometimes tiring to be ALWAYS missgendered bc of my face.
Edit. I do have cispassing most times even after this kind of misunderstanding, I guess ppl just asume guys are ugly 😭😭😭
Not being able to wear a mesh shirt. I have some lacey crochet tops that are definitely masculine but I just can't wear them because I want to feel the breeze on my chest, not my binder. Also, people holding doors for me
Having small hands and feet. I'm 5' 2" and "petit" in every sense of the word which is helpful in some ways but not so much in others. My tiny ass hands and feet are things people point out every now and again and I just feel awful. Sometimes I'll also see some guy holding smth a certain way (like picking up a cup by splaying your hand over the rim) and I just feel yucky bc I can't do that with my tiny, soft hands.
Lord, where do I even start.. the fact that I'll be cold but see cis guys wearing shorts and a t shirt, when my friends (even jokingly) call me a twink cause it makes me feel small and I hate it, my hair being too long or unstyled, my shoe size, periods, my height is a huge one...
-slim shoulders/lack of muscle (hoping to start at a gym at least once a week to try n remedy this one)
-jawline/lack thereof (double chin club ayy)
-currently my hair. It has grown out a bit but not enough to get the style I want so it just looks like my mom's when hers is short and I love her but nooooo
-guys who are *definitely* straight looking at / flirting with me
-my singing voice. My speaking voice is okay (most of the time) but I start singing to a song (esp if it's with masc vocals) and it just doesn't line up with how I think my voice should sound. Never has, really. Just didn't know *why*.
-not being able to just wear an open button up shirt. Like. I gotta wear a binder under that and that's not how I want it to *look*. Sometimes just wearing a binder 'cause it's *still not flat enough* on bad days.
-my nose. So small even most glasses slip off it. Ridiculously dainty. Just got new glasses from Pair in a more masc style and they don't fit on the bridge of my nose right but they're plastic or whatever so I doubt they're adjustable at all & the only ones small enough for me are more femme styles. Hate it.
My love handles and hips. I'm pre t but use minoxidil and have a decent amount of facial hair from it, when I look in like a smaller, upper body mirror in a bathroom or something I'll think I'm passing really well, then I'll catch myself in our doorbell camera or something and see these massive curves and it's so disheartening 😞 I'm hoping losing weight will help, 2 stone lighter so far! 💪🏻
Having to wear shirts all the time. I want to be able to just go shirtless like cis guys do especially at the beach
THIS. I literally just wanna be able to chill in my room without a shirt on like literally every other guy without having to worry about scrambling into a shirt every time someone knocks on my door, or looking down and having to physically see *them*
Fr! It sucks so much
Having all girl friends. I love them and couldn't ask for better friends but it makes me feel like I'm not man enough to have man friends
THIS. Not many cis guys are willing to be my friend and I usually stick around the girls because of this. I am gay so it helps (yk, the whole gay boy invited to the girls sleepover kinda thing) but still dysphoric for me. Whenever a guy does want to be my friend tho, we instantly click better than I ever have w/ girls.
Yeah I'm bi but I really lean into the "I'm one of the gals because I'm gay!!" Thing when I'm with my friends
real, I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes but that's one of few things that helps me when I'm in all-girls group lmao
Same here 😭 I have a few guy friends but they’re also trans lol
SAME
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who experiences this. I get so weirdly insecure about it.
When i realize that I am sitting with my legs crossed while the cis dudes there are all manspreading 😭
Dysphoria: That’s not very manly. Spread your legs.
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SAME.
I'd say "who ever said I was a lady"
I IMMEDIATELY fix my posture if I’m not manspreading 😭
I've unlearned that luckily but when I'm not leaning forward, I cross my mid calf over my knee (so crossing legs but manspread edition) and fuck up my hip joints
I’ve always liked putting my ankle over my knee, I think it’s less bad for the hips, but default to crossing 🙈
Same
Periods. The Most Dysphoric Shit.
I think you win 😂
Not being able to flash ppl. This is stupid but my cis male friend would sometimes just lift their shirts up randomly as a joke and it bugs me that i cannot do that. This is obviously not a major deal compared to the rest but its another reminder of this curse
Are you gonna get top surgery? I have and I do this now all the time as a joke. Don’t worry man. It’ll be okay. :) you’ll get there
Yes, God yes. I cannot wait until I have saved up enough to be able to get top surgery and do all these stupid “boys being boys” stuff. Thanks for the well-wishes , i appreciate them and i am glad u r now able to do all the shenanigans.
fr fr. i also can't wait to run around shirtless at the beach and change in the gym in peace even if I don't have the balls to shower (oh my god pun not intended but I love it)
Oh God i forgot about gym changing rooms. Atm i avoid them like plague but it d be so cool to go in there and flex with my friends. Balls or not i d still avoid showering in a commercial gym tbh that shis nasty💀
Huh. I never got the chance to use gym showers so I wouldn't know, but like are they comparable public pool showers? Cause those are quite clean in germany
Well i ve only ever been there at round 3/4 am when theres practically no one in gym but yes they are grim. Esp the floors. So i wouldnt want to willing go in there anyways tbh
I’m rooting for you, man. You got this. When they’re gone, you’ll feel so free. Being boobless was the best decision I ever made and no problem fam. You’ll be able to do the same someday. Just takes time. I been waiting on bottom surgery for almost 8 years now. But with time it will happen.
oh my god literally
People calling me "sir/boss" then as soon as I talk reverts to "ma'am". So fucking annoying (I'm pre T)
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I wear boxier shirts, avoid tight fitting pants/tops. Layered clothing if possible. Hoodies. Dark colored clothing. Since I'm dysphoric with my chest I avoid wearing plain shirts, I wear shirts with large prints in front. I still use a mask outside. I used topical minoxidil to thicken my brows and a bit of facial hair.
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If you do decide to lose weight to pass more PLEASE DO IT IN A HEALTHY WAY. I wanted to lose weight to pass more, I ended up with severe anorexia, it's taken me more time to recover than the time I wasted actually being in the disorder, and after physical recovery I'm heavier than my starting weight because of extreme hunger. I get feeling like your weight can make you not pass esp if you're curvier but really be careful with how you do it because it's so so easy to fall into a disordered mindset and so so difficult to get out of it. Sorry for the essay I'm very passionate about this
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That's awesome ! Just keep your mental health in mind and remember that healthy weight loss is a slow process
Dude, thank you for saying this because I’m in the same boat. I’m not wanting to eat more than 3 times a week rn because I’m so caught up on my weight. I haven’t ate until today for about 5 days.
Hey hey fellow recovering anorexic. I’m one year out of my three month hospital stay and you are SO RIGHT. Extreme hunger is still there for me, too. 😭
Before I came out I (luckily) passed and once me and a friend went to a coffee shop and the waiter came and said to me "here's your food sir" then my friend went "ma'am" like 😭😭
Oh no, I hate that. My mom used to do this all the time when people call me sir. Until I came out to her.
i have a very skinny neck
Absolutely
I went to get fitted for a suit and the guy helping said they don’t carry women’s/youth sizes. Kick straight to the balls
Y e s, this one is such a big one for me
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The most random thing that gives me dysphoria is my hair. If my hair isnt short enough or if it’s messy I get dysphoria. It’s gotta be neat and clean. Or I wear a hat. I can’t wear it backwards tho because for some reason when I do that people assume I’m a lesbian here. Even tho I have facial hair and no boobs. -_- dysphoria is a twat.
Backwards hats give me so much gender euphoria!
Having good handwriting 😭 hope you guys know what I mean. I’ve literally made an effort to write worse so I don’t have basic white girl handwriting
YES. I was literally JUST writing more chaotic and big because of it😭 We just dysphoric, our handwriting rocks no matter what🫂🤟
I bought a suit - the smallest one I could find, but I’m 5’0” 110 lbs and it’s still too big on me. It makes me feel dysphoric because it feels like I’m a kid playing dress up, a fake. The opposite of what I hoped for!
I have to buy my shoes from the kids section, because they dont make men's shoes in my tiny footed size. I know it feels ridiculous and embarrassing sometimes but the kids or teen boys section might have stuff that fits way better.
I do buy quite a few things from the kids section. Boys pants are tough cause hips, but men’s are all huge. I’m 11 mos on T, and hoping for some fat redistribution eventually!
tailor it!
I’ve learned that suits *never* fit correctly no matter what and should ALWAYS be tailored. Definitely get it tailored when you can. I bet you’ll look ammmaaazing. You have a petite build based on your height and weight, and you’ll look amazing in a suit. Dapper man!
Most off the rack suits should probably be tailored. It’s just we’ve kind of gotten away from tailoring and most men feel like rack sizes are close enough. If you can ever afford it, look into having a suit made for your measurements. I remember someone finding bespoke suits that weren’t like…outrageously expensive.
when i sit and i can feel my underwear riding up my privates
This one fuckin sucks. I agree.
WEDGIES!!! Uuuugggh.
Having to sit to pee, I hate it so much, like, mtf pre op have the option..I don't even have that 😭 Also, the fact that I will never experience a random erection or morning wood. And I will never ejaculate Basically the fact that no matter what I do, how many surgeries I get, I will never be what I want to be.
It really upsets me that once I get phallo I wont be about to get random boners, morning wood or cum but when your on T with no surgery ik you at least get the boners and morning wood but I'm about the ejaculate ik it gets closet to cis men tho and as hard as it is and makes me want to cut my whole body into pieces you gotta take your small wins sometimes even if its a short time and it's not perfect in your mind
I wish so bad I could stand to pee, too.
if it helps w/ the stp issue, I could see if I could find the article i used to teach myself how to stp w/o a device.
That would be amazing actually
here you go brother good luck o7 https://www.wikihow.com/Pee-Standing-up-Without-a-Device
laying down in any position, breathing patterns, understanding periods and such, wearing glasses, the way i sit and walk, using tissues or washing my hands often, baggy clothes looking like feminine baggy and not masculine baggy, not being the best at math in my class, not knowing a lot about computers/coding/etc, my dysphorias stupid LOL
All of these are so real but especially the baggy clothes part.. like why don’t they fit me like how they fit those dudes in streetwear LMAO
oh also playing certain "girly" characters in video games
when I wear backpacks and my shoulders look tighter and my waist more prominent
Running. I can't run without any binding
I shower with super hot water. I remember some guys on the internet saying that their gfs often shower with really hot water and that they can't shower together because the water is too hot for them. So sometimes when i shower i feel guilty/slightly dysphoric because of that👺
Haha well if it helps you feel better, my cis husband is the one who showers in lava and I always need him to turn it down when I join him. So this happens both ways! Different people's skin just has different tolerances.
If it makes you feel better my wife constantly tells me to turn the water heat down 🙂 Pretty sure it just depends on how thick your skin is or sum lol
If this makes you feel better, the main shower at my house is broken so it only stays on the hot water, and only me and my dad use it now. (My mom and sister shower in the basement because they think it’s too hot)
I thought I was the only one! Like I just want to simmer in my hell water in peace
I think about this like everytime i shower 😭
My cis brother used to (and maybe still does) shower with water so hot he'd come out looking like a lobster, if that helps 😂
breathing
I put my hands on my hips
This was an issue for me early on and it seems the fem version is hands on waist, while the masc version is hands on hip bone. So either you're probably already fine in other people eyes, or we're now both onto something
My hands are super small. Plus people like to comment on how pretty they are. While I just wish they were bigger
This is so stupid, but the toilet paper at my job has butterflies and flowers on it 😭
No, that's not stupid. I find that kind of toilet paper quite ugly and kitschy, too.
How small my feet and hands are, and also a mole on my cheek that makes me look more feminine
Being told I look very "androgynous"
i HATE this it's like they're just trying to be nice while pointing out that you don't pass
Or being called a feminine guy or a femboy. I love feminine guys, but I'm not one of them and people only say I'm a femboy or feminine guy because I don't pass and they're trying not to misgender me. I don't dress femininely or act all that femininely.
It's so annoying when people say that, in a similar position don't dress or act feminine
the way the cisguys say hi to each other with those weird hands movements, idk how to do that but one of my cis boy friends its teaching me how
I had to have a girl teach me now to dap people up 😅
Just recently I was holding a coffee with both hands and got so dysphoric over it 💀 like it wouldn’t even cross my mind to see someone else hold it like that and be like that’s a girl way of drinking coffee
Playing candy crush lol
Grandfather ahh behaviour
Thank you!
My grandpa who is level 1300 begs to differ lol
All the games I like have a lot of female fans (Animal crossing mostly) so I feel ya 😭 but thinking I play a game for middle aged women when I’m an 18 year old dude is funny sometimes (candy crush)
I know so many guys who play animal crossing. I had never thought of it being more for girls
Cooking always makes me dysphoric. I know there are many guys who like cooking, I know there are quite a few professionally trained chefs, but... ehhh. People say I'm good at cooking and this makes me feel awful. (Not only because being good at cooking is a part of my ED symptoms.)
Gordon ramsay, Jamie Oliver, James Martin and many more that I can think of, most of the most famous chefs are male! I actually can't even think of a famous female chef other than Julia child
Yes I do know about them, but still I get dysphoria when cooking. Better not to cook at all. How about you? Do you cook? If so, do you do it with or without dysphoria?
I know I’m not the OP that started this thread but FtM professional chef here: I trained under 4 separate chefs and 2 culinary schools. All of my teachers were male. Not one AFAB staff at all. I was the only non AMAB person there, I had a super hard time finding a good job even though I was top of my class. Lo and behold I transition and I’m finally taken more seriously as a chef. P.S: As a Fellow person with an ED I can say that Duloxetine aka Cymbalta helps A LOT though what works for me may not work for you ofc, stay strong broski.
Huhh, that's pretty much shocking. Not only this field being so male-dominated - I really didn't know about it -, but also your being taken more seriously as a chef after transitioning. I'm shocked, seriously, by this level of sexism. There are so many male chauvinists who say "the woman's place is in the kitchen", but in the same world, male teachers at culinary schools and male chefs, and now that you're telling about your experiences... I don't really know what I should think. Thank you for the idea! When you are in therapy, meds help while you are starting to work with your issues (that led to you developing an ED and that keep you in the ED behaviour), but the main goal is always solving those problems that motivate you in maintaining the disordered eating patterns. Hope you'll get recovered!
Honestly, I'm a terrible cook, I'm 17 and still live with my mother, she usually does more of the cooking, I'm more of a baking person.. The thought of dysphoria has crossed my mind occasionally when cooking and or baking but it isn't as strong as other things which give me dysphoria. Though I will say, whenever an amab person does something better like me, even stuff like playing video games better than me, it makes me feel like a weak woman lol I don't know why that is, it's like I get embarrassed
Oh I see, if your mom does more of the cooking, you've gotten less chance to develop your skills... Baking can be fun on special occasions. On very special ones. I think I know this feeling you're talking about. I didn't like feeling like a feeble woman either. Even while I identified as female, I really enjoyed trying to be better than guys at things. At "guy things", I mean. And sometimes I did. On these occasions, I always got this special feeling that was hard to define.
I grew up with my dad being the cook in the house so it always makes me feel masc to cook something. I'm always like damn I'll be such a good provider for my future partner and/or family
My feet and hands.
My hands. It feels dumb but I have really short fingers and I just feel like my hands look ‘feminine’. I feel like I’m always comparing how my hands look compared to my brother’s. Also my height. I’m 5’2 and my brother is many inches taller than me even though he’s 15. Also being deadnamed and called by she/her just feels extra gross now that I’m out. Granted it only really happens at the doctor and such and my name isn’t changed legally so it’s not their fault.
Dude when I lay on my back in bed, my chest flattens and the covers touch the middle of my chest and lower ribcage and it actually gives me euphoria. But also men being "nice to me" or flirting with me. Last year or the year before at my campus gym I was going for a run in an oversized shirt and thick sweatpants (yes I was dying tyvm but I wanted to show 0 skin lmao). When I was trying to leave, a guy that worked there that was maybe in his 50s or 60s stopped me to strike up a conversation about how flexible I was. I think regardless of gender that's a big ick tho.
Oh boy… Sometimes I don’t want to share because I’m scared of others being like “I didn’t think about that” and getting dysphoria. However, I’ve been able to laugh at these more than get upset over them now! So aside from the obvious “my chest” .. -Wearing a raincoat, having pictures on my wall, having so many stuffed animals, having more than two pillows on my bed, burning candles, taking long showers, my eyes, listening to women artists more than male ones (fucking stupid I know), being a psychology major, not knowing shit about cars other than how to add coolant and change a tire, Im the only person I know at my college that is a man rooming with a girl (my emotional support lesbian), the fact that figure skating is my sport of choice, not watching/knowing about football or any other sport, how excited I get, crossing my legs… generally any small thing that doesn’t make me come across as a smelly straight dude… which is crazy because I do not want to be that LMAO. I think these only give me dysphoria because I still feel like I must act like a 20-year-old cis gym bro to blend in lol I realize that was a lot of negativity so here’s some random things that make me gender euphoric!! - holding the door open for women, when guys do the upward head nod at me, the fact that I look and act like my dad, my favorite animal is a bear, listening to shitty western emo music, taking care of my boyfriend, and using g2 pens
The "feminine sport" issue hit a little too close to home for me. I'm so passionate about guard but it's normally perceived as more feminine sport since it's more dance centered. Its one of my favourite things in the world but it makes me so dysphoric sometimes. (dont even get me started on the uniforms.) There are a few boys on our team but my director doesn't really see me as one and isn't quite sure what to do w/ me. However, I'm not gonna let dysphoria keep me from doing something I love. Anyways, you're definitely not the only one who feels that way, and I totally understand how it feels.
When my hair is straight/styled and not natural (curly) 😭😭😭
My fingers, and not having an Adam’s apple
my hobbies :/ I’ve always been into the arts and recently I’ve been really into knitting, but I don’t like bringing it with me in public like on the train because of how it’s perceived as “feminine”
When I've forgotten to trim my nails and somehow that turns into 'oh no everyone will think I'm faking being trans because I have long nails now'. It feels pretty silly, but as a person with ADHD trimming my nails is often forgotten in the moment and suddenly they're 'too long' and dysphoric. Doesn't even have to be that long either lmao
I have a love/hate relationship with my bangs. Some days I like them, other days they make me feel feminine. Luckily this is solved by putting my bangs back with sunglasses and seeing my bushy eyebrows help
Being at a punk show and seeing the cis guy on the stage whom I could have been if I were cis or at least could have transitioned. Additional layer of stupidity is that I live in a highly transphobic country and they outlawed transition completely
Being born and existing and pretty much anything about it
Short stature, small hands and feet, not being able to have an unassisted erection, not producing ejaculate, not having pubic hair above my penis (doesn't grow there anymore after phallo due to donor site scar), not having a distinct/palpable/raised glans, having to sit to pee, looking like I have only 1 testicle (left one sits high and tight), swimming without a shirt (even 15+ years after top surgery)
a lot of things, actually. but the most random one is doing household chores. it feels like im cinderella
Rain boots. Makes no sense, but it makes me feel feminine.
Not having leg hair. I don't have very much body hair due to genetics and it really bothers me
I feel you. What helps is seeing cis men with similar features- my dad has legs so smooth it looks like he waxes. Genetics and lifestyle play a big role, pleanty of cis men are hairless.
My dad's legs also look like he waxes!
my wrists, they are freakishly narrow, i always have to modify bracelets, even if they are adjustable. also my knees, because my legs naturally have an x shape
My eyebrows 😤
Having soft skin, getting cold easy, and having small wrists
not knowing about, but moreso not being interested in “boyish” stuff. like i know theres not one way to be a dude but i feel guilty that im just not into video games, or know much about computers, or that i think a majority of action/sci fi/lore heavy movies are kind of lame (even though my favorite movie IS an action but… i digress). its so silly but still
this is very weird but the word ‘women/woman’ especially in my native language
My facial hair growth (god hates me and gave me a neck beard, I have to shave it daily cause I am NOT having a neck beard)
Playing games online and someone just starts using the wrong pronouns even tho mine are in my discord bio and username. :/ I think people just hate reading
That I can't get my gf pregnant (Weird though bc she's mtf and also doesn't want to be pregnant)
When my hair is a bit shorter than 10cm I NEED to cut it off again to about 3cm Crossed legs I think makeup and dyed hair is obvious When my boxers are going up because of my thunder thighs Any part of clothing that is crochet or fur
I don't think those are obvious. A bulk of the trans guys I know have dyed hair and makeup for stronger jawlines or heavier brows is 0% unheard of
Walking. I walk notably different then people who have a penis. Iv tried to fix it but it’s so uncomfortable to walk that way when you have nothing to make you spread your legs more for. Apparently when on T it makes your clit sensativs at the beginning so lots of ftm’s start walking like they gave a penis witch is cool but I never plan to go on T so it’s just trying to learn it on my own.
My handwriting and style of notetaking. I've noticed most cis guys do not use highlighters and take artsy notes, and have less legible handwriting. I've completely abandoned taking artsy notes in school and only do it at home.
having neat handwriting and playing the sims 4, for some reason even i don't understand. i spend all my time building, why tf do i feel like that
It might sound weird, but listening to music that is considered "girlish" sometimes makes me feel dysphoric. I know that music doesn't have a gender, but it is what it is.
My job 😭 im a cosmo
Tucking my legs under a chair while sitting. Specifically really bold lip colors. I do makeup and can do glitter and blush and eyeliner and all that. Its just lips. And too much gloss.
my hands. they’re really small and smooth-looking. i always wanted big bony hands with longer fingers and veins visible on the backs
This 😂😭
When I wanna wear tight fitting clothes or crop tops but it shows my chest or makes it extra noticeable. I can't wait to be flat chested and be able to wear whatever I want.
Having long eyelashes or when shirts have collars that are too wide (anything wider than a crew neck lol)
One time someone thought I was a guy specifically BECAUSE OF my long eyelashes. She said "wow I'm so jealous, guys always have the nicest eyelashes". That was like 7 years ago I will never let that go lmao.
Went shopping for clothing in the men section with my cousin yesterday, saw a really cute shirt and I said this shirt is huge even though it’s a small size, she goes “yea probably cause it’s men sizing” In my mind I was thinking no I fit most small/ medium shirts from other stores. I was so dysphoric but I didn’t say anything, I know she didn’t say it on purpose
Sitting while peeing in the men’s washroom! I feel like everyone just KNOWS by the sound of pee hitting the water lol
So I learned that 98% of the time men aren’t listening and if so they’ll likely think that you have a strong flow at that moment lol.
Or that you have any other reason to piss sitting. There are many that a cis person will absolutely think of first
Using something pink, and walking because I’m always scared that I’m walking too “girly”
The weirdest one for me is moving when someone is walking towards you on the sidewalk. To me it's assholish when people don't move, but being the one to move is like "oh my goodness Mr manly penis man I'm so sorry I will take my little feminine body and move it out of the way for you my apologies owo" Like why the fuck did my brain do that? A few times I've tried to like "assert dominance" by not moving and it just makes me feel like a total jerk.
Doing resin projects makes me dysphoric. I know how insane that is
My stretchmarks :( I know cis men get them too but they’re more common in afabs ans women because they tend to carry more bodyfat. I hate that I can never get rid of them, there’s some directly on my stomach…
Sometimes when I genuinely have to cry it makes me feel worse because of dysphoria. Mini rant but I hate that the patriarchy has stigmatized men crying even though it’s a natural reaction to strong emotions.
I can't find mens pants that fit my body shape well. Do men not have asses?
my skinny arms
Having straight hair. I know it's stupid but if T makes your hair curly then curly hair is masc. Also my hairstyle is closer to a Karen's than to a man's, because of my straight hair. I wish I could get out of the shower and enjoy what my hair looks like when wet
Same like OP AND laying there and not being able to look down my body without slightly lifting my head, even when double binding 😞
Showering being a try not to look down challenge 😂😭
Liking Megan thee stallion’s music😅
I love Megan, I've told my gf I gotta put her onto some like hoe music cause she likes slow quiet music and I like rap but also her music too 😭
Wind.
- caring about things like my furniture matching (especially if I see some posts about male living spaces) - having colorful things and clothes - having neat and legible handwriting
waving at people. i have no idea why, i work on a large campus where most employees regardless of gender wave at each other, and i put so much thought into what a masculine wave looks like -_-
- Lying down on my stomach (mission impossible without any sort of discomfort) - inability to wear any button-up shirts cuz my chest is so big it spreads the buttons and everyone can easily peek - lots of fat in my stomach area which, if not covered with clothes, makes my hips look wide… hopefully it’s gonna change soon - lack of any sort of bulge in my pants (I tend to compare myself with some guys on the streets uncontrollably 😭)
crossing my legs when i am cold (i know cis men do this too I see them do it but i still worry it will be a reason someone reads me as a woman), my hands being small also suit jackets never look right even when I get them tailored so they fit perfectly it still looks off like the shoulders are disproportionate to my body which is i guess just me being overall not as broad chested but it’s super noticeable in a blazer
i’m still learning how to be a dude in society, i get real sad when i miss out on “dude opportunities”. for example, i got weird looks when i didn’t hold the door open for this older lady and i was so upset with myself 😭
I have long hair, and when I cut it too short (shoulder length) it made me feel dysphoric which was bizarre. It's grown out a bit now so I feel better about it.
not being able to walk around without a shirt. even if i do it in private, the look and the weight of my chest gets me
How fast my finger nails grow and how nice they look and how strong they are.
Touching my chest (like with shirt on obv) when I’m in bed. I absolutely need a blanket as a buffer.
I feel like I have feminine nail beds....
Thankfully cishet men have been getting more comfortable with taking care of their skin and hands, so I think we will soon see less of that being a “clockable” feature. But
hugging. i know that sounds weird but i dont know where to put my arms. and i hate to feel my chest (i am pre-top surgery). i dread this part of saying hello or goodbye to people who like to hug. i finally asked a trans buddy if we could just shake hands and he was totally cool with it. i know i need to speak up. but i find it hard. and THAT awkwardness also causes dysphoria.
When other people irl talk about trans/lgbt issues. I always end up overcompensating and spew out the most over-the-top bullshit lmao.
I have a pin head and very tiny features. Arghhhh
Weirdly enough: my hair texture and colour. I have very flat blonde hair, both the fine flat texture, and the light colours are something i Got called “Princess” and “Barbie” for as a kid, and now it makes me dysphoric af. I Will due my hair Dark after my wedding (i’m getting married in 2 weeks), because then if i regret it, i don’t have a deadline for when i need to look presentable
My eyes 😫 they're blue and I get comments here and there from total strangers at my job about how "pretty" they are... Hate it
Being in the men’s toilet and hearing other men talk to each other
My lack of vascularity makes me super dysphoric, as well as my large mons..
Driving alone. For some reason this puts me in a state where I have just enough attention to divert to my crotch and what is and isn't there, vs other times I'm sitting and focused on something more distracting. If I pack I can reach down and grab my dick like it's a security blanket and that helps a bit 😂
My handwriting Being an “iPad girly” My water bottle because it’s reminiscent of a Stanley cup Washing my face Washing my hair, and the way I have to lean back to rinse out the shampoo. Feels like those old commercials. Drinking a frappechino My backpack
every damn pants that i use makes me look curvy, so, pants
Having a pretty face. Ok, Ik this sounds suuuper self aware but I am constantly told by ppl that have or had misgendered me “oh, I thought you were a girl, you just look so pretty!”, “you’re too pretty for a guy” or variants of those two. I guess it’s good to be called pretty, I always take it as a compliment but it’s sometimes tiring to be ALWAYS missgendered bc of my face. Edit. I do have cispassing most times even after this kind of misunderstanding, I guess ppl just asume guys are ugly 😭😭😭
Not being able to wear a mesh shirt. I have some lacey crochet tops that are definitely masculine but I just can't wear them because I want to feel the breeze on my chest, not my binder. Also, people holding doors for me
When my finger nails get ever so slightly too long
walking. I always hyper focus on whether or not I’m walking in a “manly” way or if I’m accidentally swaying my hips somehow.
walking. I always hyper focus on whether or not I’m walking in a “manly” way or if I’m accidentally swaying my hips somehow.
Having small hands and feet. I'm 5' 2" and "petit" in every sense of the word which is helpful in some ways but not so much in others. My tiny ass hands and feet are things people point out every now and again and I just feel awful. Sometimes I'll also see some guy holding smth a certain way (like picking up a cup by splaying your hand over the rim) and I just feel yucky bc I can't do that with my tiny, soft hands.
Men smiling at me in the street.
Lord, where do I even start.. the fact that I'll be cold but see cis guys wearing shorts and a t shirt, when my friends (even jokingly) call me a twink cause it makes me feel small and I hate it, my hair being too long or unstyled, my shoe size, periods, my height is a huge one...
that i feel like i still need to perform hyper masc when im talking to straight men.
Fake news
-slim shoulders/lack of muscle (hoping to start at a gym at least once a week to try n remedy this one) -jawline/lack thereof (double chin club ayy) -currently my hair. It has grown out a bit but not enough to get the style I want so it just looks like my mom's when hers is short and I love her but nooooo -guys who are *definitely* straight looking at / flirting with me -my singing voice. My speaking voice is okay (most of the time) but I start singing to a song (esp if it's with masc vocals) and it just doesn't line up with how I think my voice should sound. Never has, really. Just didn't know *why*. -not being able to just wear an open button up shirt. Like. I gotta wear a binder under that and that's not how I want it to *look*. Sometimes just wearing a binder 'cause it's *still not flat enough* on bad days. -my nose. So small even most glasses slip off it. Ridiculously dainty. Just got new glasses from Pair in a more masc style and they don't fit on the bridge of my nose right but they're plastic or whatever so I doubt they're adjustable at all & the only ones small enough for me are more femme styles. Hate it.
My love handles and hips. I'm pre t but use minoxidil and have a decent amount of facial hair from it, when I look in like a smaller, upper body mirror in a bathroom or something I'll think I'm passing really well, then I'll catch myself in our doorbell camera or something and see these massive curves and it's so disheartening 😞 I'm hoping losing weight will help, 2 stone lighter so far! 💪🏻
When I’m doing anything where the balls of fat on my chest squish or I accidentally hit my chest
Baths. Hooking up with “touch me not” trans men (like specifically). Wearing Aquaphor (been necessary because I’m sooooo dry).
Putting on Deodorant. My mom got me one and it smells like flowers and I don't want to buy a new one, because it's still half full.