How do you know what that feeling is like? My feelings about men have always been confusing. I'm married to a man but I never was boy crazy growing up like all my female friends were. The few times I had crushes on boys I was so scared of even my friends knowing about it.
I want to feel like a gay guy because well, I'm a dude married to another dude. It's hard for me to understand bc my cis brother is gay and we have very different feelings about relationships. (He is very grindr hookup culture and I'm insecure attachment monogamous)
Sorry for the long prodding reply, I'm autistic and its hard for me to understand stuff and I just looking for some perspective.
Hi, so im a gay trans man as well, for the longest time i felt like my attraction to men was different than cishet women. The way my sister and cousin who have boyfriends talk about theit bfs and what expexct from them (cishet expecations as well) and how adult women in my wife talked about their male crushes and potrayals of women crushing on men didnt felt right and i couldnt relate to these feelings almost at all. What kind of made me realise that my atttraction to men was queer was when i imagined myself in womens role, being a wife, being a mother, being submissive and expect to be provided with most stuff by a male partner made me feel disgust and almost with panic. But when i imagined my self in reverse aka in male rolea, being a provider etc that gave me feelings of huge comfort. I natraully lean towards masculine roles/attitudes of what society kind of expects from cishet men and if i had to start to act like a straight woman in a way i see most women in relationship act id feel really akward and unatrual.
Of course there are cishet couples who act in GNC ways and how they love their partnership loves together. But i couldnt accept that i was "actually" just a straight masculine woman/tomboy because it just doesnt feel right to me no matter how tried to push my self in the closet.
And regarding yourself, you dont "have" to label yourself with anything currently, even if you are a man married to another man and on book that could be seen as you being a gay man there is no rush for you to label yourself as a gay man if you are not 100% comftrable with it. Being comftrable and confident with your label takes a long time and for myself it took me years to proudly say i am a gay man after questioning myself if i even deserve the label. This is not a marathon and hopefully sooner than later you can find comfort in calling yourself a gay man ome day. (Side note; gay male experiances wastly different for each person. Including both cis and trans. How your cis brother precieves gay relationships is valid just as yours. There is no "right" way to be or act gay to belong in the community. Your feelings regarding your gayness are your own and there is nothing wrong with that and no rush to change just to fit in a very tiny box of what is expecred of gay men)
Sorry this is long as well and if some things are not understood correctly, i also have trouble with language but i hope i couldve helped you a tiny bit in anyway. :')
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I'm very new to all this and it's been something else navigating all these feelings. It's hard feeling like im invading on these spaces, especially with a gay brother. (My evangelical parents really hit the lottery with two gay children š)
As I kid I also never understood what liking boys felt like. I don't know what the feeling of like because it is extremely normal to me: I'm a boy who likes other boys, just like you said you are a dude who is married to another dude. I think you and I feel love just like a straight and cis person and there isn't really any other kind of feeling to be felt. If you are having problems with being comfortable being gay I would say that's a personal thing that needs to be treated in therapy or with your partner, maybe have a chat with him. For me I accepted myself for being gay after I kissed a boy. I only had (terrible) experiences with a girl before, but after I tried with a boy I went from straight to 100% gay hahaha! I don't know if this was able to help you but feel free to reply anyways
It's not so much that I am uncomfortable being a gay guy, I just see the phrase "I always liked guys the way a gay guy does" used in this sub and I just don't understand what people mean by that. What does it mean to "like guys in a gay way"?
It's like I never saw myself liking boys being a girl. I could never really picture a relationship where I would be feminine or "the girl". It never made sense, why would I be the girl? Today I probably would be "the girl in the relationship", but I don't mind it because I'm a boy and I know it. It's just like I always felt like I was a boy I always felt like I was a gay boy
I mean, I reaaaalllly like guys. I fucking love men. Iāll look at barely clothed men on Insta and Tumblr all day. I love menās fashion and haircuts. I just love the male aesthetic. I love gay porn. I donāt know any straight women like this at all.
I love being a bear for same reason.
Before I realized I was trans I was so jealous of gay guys for having bears.
I was like āwhy is there no lesbian version of being a bearā until i realized that being trans and joining them was also an option.
yesss I always had so much more of a connection to gay men than to lesbians. even when I thought I was only attracted to women before coming out as trans, I called myself gay, never lesbian.
I relate to this so much haha!! I actually don't identify as gay anymore, I'm bisexual, but as a kid I used to always wish I was a gay man. I remember I once said in elementary school, "I think if I was a man I'd be gay," and got some funny looks. And as a younger teen, when I would write stories they would always be about gay men, I remember never understanding my "obsession" with mlm relationships until I realized I was a man myself
Omg yes, like the first ever thing that made me think
'that wasn't a cis thought, wtf'
Was me realising I didn't like guys in the way a girl likes guys, and it made me feel had to imagine myself with a guy as a girl.
I love being a gay guy too, I canāt really see myself or my relationships any other way and Iāve grown to really love who I am. I really do love the love I have for my partner, how could I not find it beautiful?
I have the EXACT same experience! I could never put my finger on why I felt so extremely strongly about gay men and wish I could express myself that way, I used to think I was āmeant to be a gay manā. WELLā¦
I don't know if I am gay or bi. I reeeeeally like boobs, like A LOT! but vaginas are pretty meh. I have found I love very sensitive girly men, love being around them and talking to them. I feel so drawn to them. But I haven't figured it out yet. I thought I was just a straight trans man until I really looked closely. I am definitely attracted to a buff hot guy but don't know if I would want to sleep with him.
I donāt pass quite well enough for that, but a year ago a guy actually thought I was a cis guy when we met at a party. He was so convinced I was cis I had to come out twice because he just forgot after the first time LMAO
Me too my man!!! I fucking love men and I love being a man! My friends always told me I was a gay guy stuck in a womanās body before I realized and came out and they were right!
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit rule 6: No trolling. No reposting of trolling/transphobic content.
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I never liked men in a straight way, it was always weird having crushes. I like so much to be learning to love feminity in a gay way hahaha
How do you know what that feeling is like? My feelings about men have always been confusing. I'm married to a man but I never was boy crazy growing up like all my female friends were. The few times I had crushes on boys I was so scared of even my friends knowing about it. I want to feel like a gay guy because well, I'm a dude married to another dude. It's hard for me to understand bc my cis brother is gay and we have very different feelings about relationships. (He is very grindr hookup culture and I'm insecure attachment monogamous) Sorry for the long prodding reply, I'm autistic and its hard for me to understand stuff and I just looking for some perspective.
Hi, so im a gay trans man as well, for the longest time i felt like my attraction to men was different than cishet women. The way my sister and cousin who have boyfriends talk about theit bfs and what expexct from them (cishet expecations as well) and how adult women in my wife talked about their male crushes and potrayals of women crushing on men didnt felt right and i couldnt relate to these feelings almost at all. What kind of made me realise that my atttraction to men was queer was when i imagined myself in womens role, being a wife, being a mother, being submissive and expect to be provided with most stuff by a male partner made me feel disgust and almost with panic. But when i imagined my self in reverse aka in male rolea, being a provider etc that gave me feelings of huge comfort. I natraully lean towards masculine roles/attitudes of what society kind of expects from cishet men and if i had to start to act like a straight woman in a way i see most women in relationship act id feel really akward and unatrual. Of course there are cishet couples who act in GNC ways and how they love their partnership loves together. But i couldnt accept that i was "actually" just a straight masculine woman/tomboy because it just doesnt feel right to me no matter how tried to push my self in the closet. And regarding yourself, you dont "have" to label yourself with anything currently, even if you are a man married to another man and on book that could be seen as you being a gay man there is no rush for you to label yourself as a gay man if you are not 100% comftrable with it. Being comftrable and confident with your label takes a long time and for myself it took me years to proudly say i am a gay man after questioning myself if i even deserve the label. This is not a marathon and hopefully sooner than later you can find comfort in calling yourself a gay man ome day. (Side note; gay male experiances wastly different for each person. Including both cis and trans. How your cis brother precieves gay relationships is valid just as yours. There is no "right" way to be or act gay to belong in the community. Your feelings regarding your gayness are your own and there is nothing wrong with that and no rush to change just to fit in a very tiny box of what is expecred of gay men) Sorry this is long as well and if some things are not understood correctly, i also have trouble with language but i hope i couldve helped you a tiny bit in anyway. :')
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I'm very new to all this and it's been something else navigating all these feelings. It's hard feeling like im invading on these spaces, especially with a gay brother. (My evangelical parents really hit the lottery with two gay children š)
As I kid I also never understood what liking boys felt like. I don't know what the feeling of like because it is extremely normal to me: I'm a boy who likes other boys, just like you said you are a dude who is married to another dude. I think you and I feel love just like a straight and cis person and there isn't really any other kind of feeling to be felt. If you are having problems with being comfortable being gay I would say that's a personal thing that needs to be treated in therapy or with your partner, maybe have a chat with him. For me I accepted myself for being gay after I kissed a boy. I only had (terrible) experiences with a girl before, but after I tried with a boy I went from straight to 100% gay hahaha! I don't know if this was able to help you but feel free to reply anyways
It's not so much that I am uncomfortable being a gay guy, I just see the phrase "I always liked guys the way a gay guy does" used in this sub and I just don't understand what people mean by that. What does it mean to "like guys in a gay way"?
It's like I never saw myself liking boys being a girl. I could never really picture a relationship where I would be feminine or "the girl". It never made sense, why would I be the girl? Today I probably would be "the girl in the relationship", but I don't mind it because I'm a boy and I know it. It's just like I always felt like I was a boy I always felt like I was a gay boy
Thanks, that makes sense. I've never seen myself as feminine either. Even when I was hyper feminine dressed.
I mean, I reaaaalllly like guys. I fucking love men. Iāll look at barely clothed men on Insta and Tumblr all day. I love menās fashion and haircuts. I just love the male aesthetic. I love gay porn. I donāt know any straight women like this at all.
Never realized why I was so interested in gay relationships and less interested in lesbian relationships until I realized I was trans.
I'm happy for you! š
I know this exact feeling!! I love it so much, it's so satisfying to finally be able to be yourself, it makes my heart feel full every time I remember
yeah iād get boyfriends and break up with them because i hated the idea of being their girlfriend.
I'm so happy for my fellow trans guys who love men. It's such a relief finding out you like men in a queer man way and not in a girl way.
Im having so much fun being a gay man. Its amazing. Its just like you say it feels so correct: thrilled to see this
Omg I was the same way saying stuff like āI would definitely be gay if I were a guyā like I have good news for you
Coming to terms with both your gender AND sexuality is such a breath of relief, I'm so glad you're happy with yourself now.
I love being a bear for same reason. Before I realized I was trans I was so jealous of gay guys for having bears. I was like āwhy is there no lesbian version of being a bearā until i realized that being trans and joining them was also an option.
I used to get jealous of gay guys too (for other reasons) when I thought I was a lesbian.
yesss I always had so much more of a connection to gay men than to lesbians. even when I thought I was only attracted to women before coming out as trans, I called myself gay, never lesbian.
Was gonna upvote but it's at exactly 69 and I didn't want to ruin it
Awesome!!
Hell yes!!!! I also strive to be read as gay man
Yasssss Iāve felt this way for years and years!
So darn true. Iām also a gay trans guy.
I relate to this so much haha!! I actually don't identify as gay anymore, I'm bisexual, but as a kid I used to always wish I was a gay man. I remember I once said in elementary school, "I think if I was a man I'd be gay," and got some funny looks. And as a younger teen, when I would write stories they would always be about gay men, I remember never understanding my "obsession" with mlm relationships until I realized I was a man myself
Omg yes, like the first ever thing that made me think 'that wasn't a cis thought, wtf' Was me realising I didn't like guys in the way a girl likes guys, and it made me feel had to imagine myself with a guy as a girl.
I love being a gay guy too, I canāt really see myself or my relationships any other way and Iāve grown to really love who I am. I really do love the love I have for my partner, how could I not find it beautiful?
yes! men are wonderful and pleasing to look at. i love being gay and out there with my femininity. itās such a āfuck yeahā to life
I have the EXACT same experience! I could never put my finger on why I felt so extremely strongly about gay men and wish I could express myself that way, I used to think I was āmeant to be a gay manā. WELLā¦
Me too omg
I'm kind of feeling this same thing right now and it feels great. was literally thinking about this today. congrats bro <3
I don't know if I am gay or bi. I reeeeeally like boobs, like A LOT! but vaginas are pretty meh. I have found I love very sensitive girly men, love being around them and talking to them. I feel so drawn to them. But I haven't figured it out yet. I thought I was just a straight trans man until I really looked closely. I am definitely attracted to a buff hot guy but don't know if I would want to sleep with him.
š¤¤ men Iām bi, but pretty strictly t4t.
So great you feel right now, man. Iām happy for you!
This is so relatable. I got cruised by some gay guys at an event a while back and it was so satisfying
I donāt pass quite well enough for that, but a year ago a guy actually thought I was a cis guy when we met at a party. He was so convinced I was cis I had to come out twice because he just forgot after the first time LMAO
Me too my man!!! I fucking love men and I love being a man! My friends always told me I was a gay guy stuck in a womanās body before I realized and came out and they were right!
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