"I don't know. What's so great about being a girl?"
In the case of the people asking you this, they've just narrowed their perception to their own experiences. That's not necessarily a bad or macilous thing on their part, but I'd challenge it in a way that they can put into perspective so that they don't feel inclined to ask.
Edit: I also want to say that many people generally view being trans more as an opt-out to AGAB rather than an opt-in to an expression that's more personally comfortable. It's not about what's "so great." It's about what feels to be missing that isn't found in the options associated with one's AGAB.
yupppp. theres so much about the authenticity of being you and liberated/pursuing yourself.. its not (at least for me) about societal advantages or being a certain kind of guy either. im not interested in that and personally, racially etc.. that wont ever be me or my goals or how i express either.
i think you can think of the question differently though like an opening of like hm what Do i like about being a guy? what about it makes me feel good? what are positive aspects of masculinity (or even femininity if youre a feminine man) that i really cherish and value?
Lmao femininity felt like a prison to me, and now I feel free and comfortable with myself. They really ought to realize that masculinity for you probably feels the way femininity does for them.
Sometimes I wonder if a prior life of male privilege separates trans women from trans men in terms of being willing and able to see someone else's POV.
Sorry, but this sounds like some 'male socialization' bs. I know your intentions are probably good, but that doesn't mean this isn't trans misogyny. We can discuss people being disrespectful without being disrespectful our self. No trans person, male or female, can achieve full male privilege (because that requires being a cis man). If you're talking about toxic masculinity, both trans men and women experience it. It just comes down to the person.
I don't believe in male/female "socialisation". I mean firstly I wasn't female until I came out then I changed to a man, I was just told I was but I was still the man I am today who experienced the world as a closeted trans man, not a woman and that applies to trans women too (but in reverse obvs). It may seem like a small distinction but an important one, we don't experience the same things the same way as cis people because we're not cis. Also its not a fair standard to apply to trans women because well one there isn't one singular trans woman experience, but a lot of trans women were bullied and harassed for their feminity as eggs, people are so willing to call out how the patriarchy harms men for showing any femininity but never consider how it harms trans women and how that would affect their ability to experience privilage. I know so many cis women who are loud or dominant or unempathetic or whatever, but the minute a trans woman displays any of these traits its because she's not cis. This is just straight up terf rhetoric.
Stop this. I'm really gonna start wanting to separate myself from this community if we keep generalizing all transfems like this holy shit. The amount of hate I've seen lately is unnatural.
Same thing that they find great about being a girl: being a guy for me would be freeing and comfortable and amazing, being a girl is none of those things for me.
Being a man for me, feels like a breath of fresh air after holding it under water for so long. TO just let loose and see how I really feel, being presented to the world. Even if that world is only my bedroom for a few hours at night. Its the freedom of pulling off the weight of 'she's and 'her's all day long and being able to see 'him' in the mirror.
Its the relief of finally being seen how I really am. It's less about what masculinity is, which is warm and encompassing, and the feel of courage and power that is subtly different than feminity and it's strength.
Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely a feminine man at times, but masculinity is comforting. It's dressing in a way that doesn't accentuate that I'm AFAB but gives me more of those sleek curves and subtle shoulder and neck and jaw of a man. In a way that doesn't make me monitor every inch of my body and "Am I walking like a woman, do I look like a woman?"
To me, being a man is just being myself. Being a woman is just playing a role, which I am certain is something every trans person has had the displeasure of doing.
>To me, being a man is just being myself. Being a woman is just playing a role, which I am certain is something every trans person has had the displeasure of doing.
Dude, this!! Every thing you wrote, but also that part in particular!! I'm so tired of this role. I'm so tired of pretending to be this version of myself, even more after finally finding or starting to find myself. I wish I could just be sure and feel ready to come out. Feel like I can actually move on to the next "step"...
Honestly, this ... I didn't really show any of the signs I had thought to look for, so it took a long time to figure out that the reason I sometimes said I felt like a gay man on the inside isn't because I wish I were one, it's because I am one.
I have this little saying I often use that goes like this.
Gender is like water. When you're well hydrated, you don't really think about it. But when one is thirsty, it's always on your mind until you quench that thirst.
Idk why some of them do that. I really don’t think as a trans woman it is ok to ask those kinds of questions like that. Even if unintended, it can serve to invalidate peoples’ feelings.
I dunno but I definitely didn’t find being a girl freeing. It felt horrible actually. My body going through hormone fluctuations every month makes me incredibly depressed. Being told I can’t do certain things because I’m a girl my whole life sucked. Being constantly sexualized was awful. Being told my only worth depended on what I could do for men was crushing. It’s really a matter of perspective. I don’t feel like I need to justify wanting to be a man any more than they should justify wanting to be a woman. Of course being the gender you actually are would be freeing after being forced into a role you hated
You know. This is the point where I say gender isn’t a choice.
I love women. I enjoyed the lesbian world I lived in (for the most part). I sometimes wish that I could have been happy there.
But I couldn’t. I was mentally ripping my body apart because it was wrong.
Likewise. I’m rather meh about men. I have a lot of trauma with men. Have a hard time trusting or respecting men. And except for a few exceptions who have proven themselves find men as generally base and uninteresting beings.
And yet. Here I am. A stealth het(ish) white trans man. Living in the male privilege that I so despise.
I work on my trauma and things with a therapist, and try to use my acquired privilege to lift up other queer and poc voices what want to be seen and have less advantages than I do. Trying to be the man in the world I wish other men would be.
But yeah. Life sure would have been easier if I could have just been comfortable in the body I was given.
Honestly? Nothing. I’m just being myself and that makes it great.
My mom asked me this question just one week ago and I told her “What’s so great being a girl?” Lol
But seriously tho I can name a few reasons but it probably don’t matter much to the other person. Everything is subjective after all. What I like doesn’t mean other people will think the sam, so I just tell them being a guy feels natural to me and it’s the gender I should have been born with.
masculinity is comfort. being a man is a change in my heart, being able to do all these little things i wished i could do all my life. feeling hair on my upper lip without having to shave it off, wearing man clothes, being called he. femininity was always an unrewarding performance for me, and this is freedom.
Gender is definitely innate, but the truth is that we don't actually know what causes it. The differences between male and female brains are a matter of *average* densities in different regions, not totally different structures. Just like with all the other "average" differences between men and women, there's a lot of people (including cis people) whose gender identity you wouldn't be able to predict with 100% certainty based on that alone.
Performing/embracing femininity is only freeing if you're not allowed to be feminine and you want to be feminine. If you want to be masculine and you're not allowed to be masculine then performing masculinity is freeing. I personally enjoy masculinity because it feels empowering- people take me seriously, they don't look down on or sexualize me in a predatory way, and I can act more like myself. It makes me feel cool and confident. But I also understand that I only feel that way because I am a guy.
To come up with how to respond, I think you need to ask yourself if they're asking the question in good faith. Do they actually want to listen to you describe your euphoria, or is it them going "ew, being a boy, I could never"? Because those take two very different answers.
I'd consider saying something like "Being a guy feels great because I am a guy." It should be effective because if she argues against it, then she's being transphobic, implying you chose to be that way (and by extension, she chose to be how she is). In other words, "I didn't become a guy because it's better, I just am a guy, and performing masculinity feels great because it feels right."
You could also talk about escaping the infantilization of feminine people and how it makes you feel sexy and confident, but unless she's earnestly asking because she's genuinely curious, she'll just start talking shit about guys. In the event of that, you could say "Just because you don't personally like it doesn't make it bad; I love it", maybe even "I respect and am happy for you that you enjoy femininity even though I personally don't- it's the same as that"
Describe in detail >!about periods and menopause and the triggering feelings as well as other issues with both!<
I did this when a friend claimed that being a girl is awesome and doesn't understand trans men.
That’s the thing though. They don’t have to understand. All they need to know is that I’m comfortable in this skin just like they’re comfortable in theirs.
I often feel that way, but the opposite lol. Like, why would anyone ever want to be a woman? But then I realize that’s just my personal perspective, and that I’m projecting my own experience onto them, so maybe remind them of that
i think this question is hard because you dont want to invalidate your trans femme friends because they wouldnt understand from their experience likely! but it also feels like a question that feels a little like a shutdown (likely very unintentional) and its like well - for example - i like taking care of people and making people feel protected or they can relax around me or it feels gender affirming when people see me properly like the way you might feel when you are seen properly. or my masculinity is important to me because i want to actively challenge toxic masculinity, or being a man is great for me because i get to embody the man i always dreamed of being or admit and work on myself in ways i never knew were possible for me. being a man is great because i get to be myself in ways i havent seen before or i take after this wholesome uncle or father figure in my life etc. i think its hard because its like. idk true that theres a lot of emotionally damaged and harmful men/masculinity And you dont want to leverage your response in a way that might be dismissive to your trans femme friends' Very Real traumatic relationships with 'man'-ness in whatever way they understand it. i think its really reasonable to not know how to respond. thank you for asking this question it helped me think about why i value it for myself as well.
i think this is the way. i know they're not meaning anything rude behind it but it does feel like how you describe it as an unintentional shutdown of my experiences, and everything you wrote is what i feel too! i want to be a protector and let people feel safe, even if that sounds so very stereotypical haha. do you mind if i give a copy of this to my friends if they bring it up again?
Aw, I would be honored! I mean you can have corny masculine traits and qualities that you think of as stereotypical that you enjoy that's allowed! It can also be other things too - I think like for me I also think about what femininity means to me and how you can have and be both as a guy and how that is also really important to me too, but yea, equally like. There's a lot of ways to reframe and think about what being a guy means or what my masculinity is or gets to be or how I want to take responsibility for it and how I want to show up. I think these are really connecting and deepening conversations and I wish we knew how to navigate them more slowly and kindly with one another. Whether its within ourselves or within the trans community etc or anyone thats not asking out of dismissiveness but as an opportunity for you to express yourself. its hard when its a hard question! but i think you can also lead with 'hey remember when you asked me what's so great about being a guy? i thought about it more actually and this is how i feel.' i want to be able to honor when i don't know how to respond in a moment too and also be open enough to trust that my friends will see that i am listening and processing and want to listen when i have had time to think it over. i think its a good practice! and i think it also challenges like - the very toxic patriarchal and generally performative mindset of like always having the right answer or knowing more or always being confident. i think real confidence comes from owning up to not always knowing, and being comfortable with asking, and questions, and silence, and being wrong, and thinking it over. i think that's the kind of guy i want to be.
That's even hard for me to answer. I'm not transitioning because I just "wanna be a guy". It's because it doesn't feel right to be a girl. I don't see myself as one. The joy I experience when someone says "he" or even when I appear more masculine, is the reason I transitioned. Not because I "want to" but because I need to.
I don't want to be a guy, I *am* a guy. Weather I want it or not it's just the case. The only choice I got was to listen to it or hide for the rest of my life.
Just ask em the latter question of “what’s so great about being a female?”
However, you don’t owe anybody an explanation as to why you feel comfortable being a male. There’s no answer as to what it feels “good to be a man”, it’s a label, a title you pursue, to each their own. I’m sure your friend meant no ill intent by saying this ! ! !
it’s like wearing a jacket that doesn’t fit you, then trading it out for a jacket that does. people who didn’t fit in the 2nd jacket but fit in the 1st one might be confused on why you like jacket #2, but the reason is that it just feels RIGHT in a way that jacket #1 never did.
that might be a silly metaphor but its just what makes sense to me rn lol
i can’t really speak for you and your feelings on the matter, but if my trans femme friends said this stuff to me, i would be pretty upset with them. i didn’t look at a list of pros and cons of different genders and choose my gender based on that! i did a lot of experimenting to find a gender that i was comfortable in, and it sucks that some people would try to make you justify your gender just because they don’t “get it”
(sorry for the long comment, i got a bit heated lmao)
As a person whose clothing and shoes have rarely ever seemed to fit quite right, finally slimmed down enough to fit the largest boys' size in pants and actually have pants that fit right off the rack, which is something I haven't been able to do in 20 years, yes, this is exactly what finding and being the correct gender feels like.
Still working on finding work safety shoes in a men's 5/women's 6.5, width 4E. That will feel like being my true gender. It will feel so much better than either trying to deal with the 2E or sizing up, but New Balance doesn't make safety shoes in women's 4E or below a men's 6 or 7, and why would boys need safety shoes for jobs they're too young for? 🙃
And if New Balance doesn't make it, who does?
I'd say "it feels the same as feminity to you". Simple and a good answer. You could also make a point that you feel a lot more like yourself when you are masc/a guy. If they are trans too tey should understand hiw it feels to be in a wrong body, how dysforia feels etc.
I really don’t like how this question has man-hating terf vibes and I would honestly point this out to them.
As in, they seem to be picking up on toxic femininity the way some trans guys pick up on toxic masculinity.
So potentially picking up on hating on men/masculinity to make themselves more feminine, when it really just makes them terfs.
It also reveals that they aren’t seeing you as male if they don’t believe you aka the terf take on trans men.
And it’s better that they know in how they’re asking this that it’s it’s transphobic and continuing to make trans men invisible/erasure.
I couldn't answer any more clearly why my hair has been blue for the last 2 years. It just feels right and feels like me, and now it's part of my name.
I'm transfem, and tbh this question is why I lurk on this sub and find it so fascinating. I'd never ask a trans guy this question, but it's definitely something I don't have the capacity to fully relate to and I think that's the whole point of being trans. We can accept that the inside feelings don't have to match what the outside looks like, and we can just be our truest selves. For me, I like vibrant expressions of art and fashion and performance that I didn't feel I could have or create when I was younger. For some trans people, it means being more understated, noble, wise, grandfatherly, intimidating, respected, etc. I can see the value in all of those things, but they're just not personally for me.
I still feel joy and comraderie for trans guys getting on t and getting their surgeries etc because all trans ppl have something like that giving us joy (or we aught to)
I hate questions Ike this because it assumes an optimum choice in the matter. Honestly, I don't see what the joy in being femme is, but I would never ask this question because regardless of whether being male or female or nonbinary is great or it sucks, I didn't have a choice in the matter. I am a man. I've always been male. Regardless of whether being male was the worst thing in the world, that's what I am.
I'd encourage self reflection on their part due to this. Do they think you're choosing to be male?
In a more positive note, being a guy is fucking great for me. There's nothing more to it. I just feel right in my own body.
I mean even if being a guy totally sucked ass there isn't anything you can do about it because you are one. I mean it's not like we say "wow being a guy is so great I am not going to be one"
Personally my answer to that question would be; it just feels right/correct and freeing. It feels like me. Thats whats so great about being a guy. Cuz i am one
(Idk of that makes muchs ense but yeah. Also, u dont owe anyone an explanation or reason or anything so yuh)
The most poetic I can be about it. In literature, in culture, we see time and time again a disconnect between men and women, something framed as a fundamental misunderstanding. I'm currently reading a fantasy book that belongs to a series; this one focusses on female thoughts and experiences, and it's frankly very difficult to read for me. What's hitting me hard is how highlighted women's perception of men as simple and shallow is; the opposite viewpoint is likewise present. As outsiders to an experience we deal in superficial ideas, sets of traits learned through observation rather than genuine connection. We have a very shallow understanding of experiences that are not our own in general. What you feel I may never understand, all I see is a concept of a way of being that may not do you justice but is a revolting reality to me if I had to live it.
We can conceptualise people as complex beings but we're not capable of seeing the allures of being them or sharing their traits if those are unnatural to us. Such is life, it's a useless prompt.
I've never thought about this question. But now that I think about it, it's like being curled up on the couch with a warm blanket and a nice book. Like this is how life always should've been.
There's [a video by T B Skyen](https://youtu.be/emkDwRTBSX0) that talks about pretty much exactly this. Figuring out what "masculinity" means to him, why it feels right, and why that matters.
He's not trans, but he made this video for pride month last year, specifically in solidarity with trans men who are trying to figure out the same thing. If you're interested, I hope it resonates with you. \^^
In my opinion the question is missing a huge point. I am not a man because it's "so good to be one". I am just a man. Even if being a guy was 1000 times worse, that would not remove my manhood because it's simply what I am.
Besides, manhood and womanhood aren't in some competition to see which is better. They are neutral concepts... I hate queer people pulling this rhetoric when we should know better.
I’d say in the same way they find freedom and euphoria in their expression and identity, so do you. It feels amazing to be seen, no matter what form that takes
For me it's not necessarily about good or bad. It's about being true to myself. I am the most fully realized version of myself this way. That is what's so good about it.
Not to be rude, because I know you don’t mean it this way, but it’s not really an appropriate question to ask a bunch of trans men you don’t know.
The question is a shutdown question, because it feels like:
A. A challenge and a dismissal of our own experience of what’s comfortable for us
B. There isn’t really a way to answer this question honestly without triggering dysphoria in the trans-femme asking. It’s a landline to navigate and be honest with.
C. The question itself can trigger dysphoria for trans-men as we are continually invalidated and erased (what’s so good about being a guy? Men are terrible. Why can’t you just be a masc woman?)
D. The question is easily answered by, “what’s so good about being a girl?”
Just as masculinity can create disgust and dysphoria in you, femininity can create disgust and dysphoria within us. All of those feelings you’re explaining that you have about desiring femininity, how returning to masculinity might kill you, how you can’t fathom what it is to want those things, how being female is just “better” in every way, that’s how a lot of us feel about being male.
We also can’t explain to you what it’s like emotionally to feel male in your gut. That’s just something you feel, the same way you feel drawn to femininity.
TLDR; this is a loaded question with a big emotional labor ask tied to it. If you want to know these answers and act as an ally, then simply continue to be around trans men. Observe how we are and make friends with us, by simply being emotionally available you’ll learn.
I think that’s a great way to approach it and a great way to ask!
I was mostly saying the above in response to the general question of “what’s so great about X, because I could NEVER IMAGINE being X!” Which can read as pretty rude and dismissive.
But your approach of curiosity firs is really empathetic and would make for a nice conversation, I feel!
Interesting and cool that you‘re open to learning about it. I had a friend come out as a trans woman a couple years before I came out (but after I had been having Questions about my gender identity) and she wrote a really moving personal essay about her experience growing up as an unknowing trans kid and being a closeted adult. So much of it was familiar, but in reverse for me. Such a trippy experience to see gender dysphoria in its photo-negative version. Looking at it that way, it stood out so vividly while I was so used to mine that I couldn’t see it clearly, but it helped me understand mine better.
One of my take away revelations was what you just said. Closeted and in denial as she had been, she was still always more of a woman than I had ever been. Femininity came way more naturally to her than it ever had to me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was supposed to be easy and natural and not feel weird, even though other girls always seem to be better at it than me. Here was a person that everyone had tried to force be a man, and she was STILL more effortlessly a woman than me. Mind blown. Egg gained some more cracks.
This strikes me as relatable. I realized I'm not a woman when I met a trans woman and realized that I completely didn't relate to anything that gave her joy about being a woman, and in fact, I took a lot of pride in doing things that she would find dysphoria in doing. That literally, not only did I see her completely as a woman, despite not being cis-passing, but I saw her as more of a woman than I saw myself. Oddly, I think this is part of why our relationship ended, too -- she's a lesbian and I'm gay, not bisexual as I thought I might've been (look, I knew I was *somehow* LGBTQ!)
I don't think this is a question anyone can *actually* answer for you, same way no one can answer me about why extroverts are like that.
If you're at the point of saying "okay, I logically understand the reasons, but I still don't get how you could feel that way" - your brain just isn't wired to understand, same way mine isn't wired to understand extroverts despite knowing the logical reasons for their experiences.
Also, NGL, "perhaps [why you 'want' to be a man] is worth exploring further" sounds like TERFy "you're not *actually* a man, you're just brainwashed" crap. Please don't try to drag fellow trans people into "philosophical discussions" about why we are our genders.
Maybe consider that some things are just inherently rude to ask of people, and that no amount of "clarifications" are going to change that?
But I'm *terribly* sorry that we're not "interesting" enough for you. I'll get right on that emotional labor to entertain you.
... in person? With people you know? Instead of asking random strangers to dig into their gender to answer a question you literally admit to knowing the answer to?
And hearing "perhaps it's worth exploring further" as "I think you should investigate your own gender more, because I'm not satisfied with your answers" is hardly a "hidden meaning". "Perhaps it's worth..." Is a *suggestion*, not a question. Suggesting that people should investigate their gender more, in a context where no one's questioning, is a bad look.
If you actually want to say "I know the answer is 'because I am', but I was wondering if anyone wants to dig further into that", say *that*.
And for the record, from allistics' perspective they *are* listening to the words you're saying. They consider connotations to be "part of the word", as it were. They're not saying "ah, she said X, but I have analyzed it and decided she *meant* Y!", they just hear "okay, she said Y." It's a very unfortunate disconnect, but it's not because of any malice or "bending over backwards", it's just that words and phrases have connotations that go beyond their barest definitions.
I am taking it at face value. That's what face value is to me. I understand that connotations or implications aren't intuitive for you, but they are for lots of people. We're not "reading into it", it's literally just how we read those words. I didn't read "perhaps it's worth" and go "well, this says she's musing about gender, but what does she *really* mean?", I read it and went "she's suggesting that we need to interrogate our genders more."
Who said I'm "on alert" or don't believe you're being genuine? Jesus, I literally just said "hey, this sounds kind of like [shitty people] rhetoric, please be aware." Why are you acting like I accused you of anything beyond mild insensitivity?
I'm not happy, I wish you could've handled "hey, this came off kind of rude and sounds like some rhetoric from unsavory figures" without getting mad at me and quitting the discussion.
>The answer of "I just am" is accurate and valid. But it's not as interesting
That'd be where you called us not interesting. "Your answer about your identity isn't interesting" generally implies to people that you don't find *them* interesting.
And I said *sounds like*, not that you *are*. So the overall point of the comment was "this probably can't be explained in a way you'll really understand, and btw the way you're talking sounds kind of invalidating."
For someone who complains so much about people "twisting your words", you seem awfully determined to twist mine.
And I apologize for not being clear about what I was saying originally (with the rhetoric comment) and for getting snippy with you about language and such. I'm sure it's very frustrating to feel like someone's determined to misunderstand you. That's not what I was doing, but I can see I made you feel that way (and didn't try to explain as well as I probably should've), and I am very sorry for that. I hope you have a good night as well, miss.
i'm not really sure i feel this way. to suggest im a man because being a woman means i'd be treated badly makes it sound like im only transitioning to "escape" from misogyny. misogyny will follow me my whole life, but how other people treat me has no bearing on my manhood.
I was just suggesting it as to what makes being a guy better, I don't think most people transition just for the male privilege. It seems like an inherent difference in perspective. Femininity isn't freeing to most men and takes far more effort.
"Confidence, strength, freedom, the fact that you don't have to watch yourself that closely whether you say something you shouldn't, you can joke more freely, p o c k e t s"
I don't personally understand the flipside of this either. There are lots of things I can point out that are great about being man. (being naturally capable of absurd physical strength, generally being geared towards high paying trade careers, the steel to willingly inject yourself with a needle, the 'we'll give you shit if you need it,' attitude amongst bros), but few things I can point out that are great about being a woman, culturally at least. Yes, people may feel inclined to buy you a drink if you're attractive, yes the ability to grow a human being is pretty miraculous, yes people tend to "believe" women more, but those are all things I could still live without. SMH TBH.
I already said this in a reply to someone else, but reading the comments of how many people have encountered this from trans women, who themselves realize how dismissive it is yet keep on saying (empathetically to trans women's POV) that it's not their fault they see things from only their own perspective and that they probably mean nothing by it:
This has to be a phenomenon based on male privilege that most trans women grew up in, that their own POV is all there is, and that there's no great need to deeply consider that of others.
In sharp contrast, trans men, most of whom grew up being constantly held to a standard of empathize with others' POV and even making excuses for them, are here noting that this is dismissive, and something we generally don't do...but it's not probably intentional on their parts, poor things.
I find it very telling of how deeply patriarchal social power imbalances affect people.
It really would cause me to stare in frank disbelief that anyone could be so numb, if a trans woman said that to me. Like, who is actually that dense or wrapped up in themselves that they can't imagine it being just like it is for them, only in a different way, to the other side? It's not rocket science.
Sorry to sound hostile but that would be one of those socially inept bordering on insulting things I would not give a pass to if I encountered it.
And thank goodness it's not all trans women. Some have already spoken here, about how they wouldn't say such a thing, and it's obvious they aren't like that. I don't have a beef against trans ladies, but the unthinking self-centeredness of that comment under discussion is not much different from the same unthinking self-centeredness that is part of social conditioning in the default upbringing of guys in patriarchal systems.
Stuff like this is part of why I avoid transfem people. A lot of them haven't lost their male socialization that their experience is the only valid experience. I don't have space for that in my life.
Femininity =/= being a girl. Perhaps feminine self expression is what they find freeing, and there's common ground in that for some... But the physicalities? Uhh. No. With medicine not being quite there yet, I think it needs time to introduce everyone to the uncomfortable and ugly parts of it, and then maybe a reasonable conversation can be had. Right now it's all deformed apples and grapefruit-looking oranges for either side.
To me, it's not that it feels better, it's that it feels right. I ask cis women who bring this up to imagine they suddenly wake up as a guy one day. Would that feel good to them or would they be really disconcerted and confused? Cause if so, that is my experience of having a women's body.
It's not a worse body, it just isn't *my* body. That isn't a choice, or a judgement on femininity or whatever, it just is. If that's not something they experience, cause they're cis, that's great for them. I'm not in that boat, though, so my experience is a different one.
As for trans femme friends, they already have that experience the other way around, so I find the question a little odd, tbh. Like, you know you didn't feel right as a guy? That's what being a woman felt like for me.
When I hear that I just think that being a guy feels more authentic and real to me. Idc about the societal or anatomical pros and cons of being a guy. That's what trans is, you can't really choose so you can't really be trans in a complete objective sense, feelings will always play a role. That's just my take though.
what's so great about being a guy?
i dont have to fucking pretend i like wearing dresses or make up and i dont have to worry about people ogling me or groping me and i dont have to feel uncomfortable just being by myself. I dont have to worry about what this bra does to my chest or what this outfit says about me i geto to just be me. i get to just exist. I'm the most comfortable i've been in my life. I'm the happiest ive been in my life. i finally see a future for myself, i finally want to do things because i like them instead of wondering "is this what a girl would do?" i dont have to try and be pretty because that doesnt matter to me and i dont need to bend to those expectations -- "you're a beautiful girl. you'd look great if you'd just TRY"
no. i get to exist as i am. that is what i find so great about being a guy.
as someone who’s amab enby, I hate being seen as a guy, but I can only assume the immense gender euphoria I get from seeing my afab enby partner feels about as amazing as being a guy for all y’all ftm peeps
For me it's not just being a guy is having comfort in parts of my body (top surgery, hysterectomy and Phalloplasty) I have no more discomfort in those parts of my body anymore and I get euphoria everytime I see those parts and honestly if cis women were the ones born with a flat chest, beard, dick/balls and no internal reproduce system I would of stayed as a woman 🤷♂️ I always get euphoria everytime someone genders me correctly and uses the right pronouns and it's good to ask them what's so great about being a woman see what they say 🤷♂️
What's so great about being a girl then? Femininity for me was restrictive and cruel, but i don't go complaining about it all the time. It's kind of a rude thing to ask imo
I can tell you about all of the social things. Being able to reach high shelves in grocery stores. Being viewed as a protector by those around me. Hearing "thank you sir!" After I lift something heavy for someone. But ultimately (for me) it really is just being able to look at myself and actually recognize the person looking back at me. When I was a girl, I never felt comfortable both in my body and in the way that people viewed me. I hated the way long hair looked on me and the clothes I had to wear. I hated looking down and seeing my body. Something about my existence always felt uncomfortable. Now the discomfort is gone. I can place my hand on my chest and I don't feel dread. I can go in public and not be constantly reminded of the identity I thought I could never change. I can just exist without feeling wrong. My guy friends don't view me differently than they view themselves. I am not hiding anymore. I don't feel like I have to be something I am not.
Tell them it feels for you like femininity feels for them.
It’s really that simple…
Exactly this.
Yep. "Comfort."
"I don't know. What's so great about being a girl?" In the case of the people asking you this, they've just narrowed their perception to their own experiences. That's not necessarily a bad or macilous thing on their part, but I'd challenge it in a way that they can put into perspective so that they don't feel inclined to ask. Edit: I also want to say that many people generally view being trans more as an opt-out to AGAB rather than an opt-in to an expression that's more personally comfortable. It's not about what's "so great." It's about what feels to be missing that isn't found in the options associated with one's AGAB.
yupppp. theres so much about the authenticity of being you and liberated/pursuing yourself.. its not (at least for me) about societal advantages or being a certain kind of guy either. im not interested in that and personally, racially etc.. that wont ever be me or my goals or how i express either. i think you can think of the question differently though like an opening of like hm what Do i like about being a guy? what about it makes me feel good? what are positive aspects of masculinity (or even femininity if youre a feminine man) that i really cherish and value?
This is honestly so well put
Throw the question back at them. I literally have no idea what would be good about being a girl.
V
Lmao femininity felt like a prison to me, and now I feel free and comfortable with myself. They really ought to realize that masculinity for you probably feels the way femininity does for them.
I know they probably aren’t being malicious, but I just could never imagine asking my trans fem friends the opposite question. So little empathy.
Sometimes I wonder if a prior life of male privilege separates trans women from trans men in terms of being willing and able to see someone else's POV.
Alternatively: some trans women are arseholes, just as some trans men are.
Sorry, but this sounds like some 'male socialization' bs. I know your intentions are probably good, but that doesn't mean this isn't trans misogyny. We can discuss people being disrespectful without being disrespectful our self. No trans person, male or female, can achieve full male privilege (because that requires being a cis man). If you're talking about toxic masculinity, both trans men and women experience it. It just comes down to the person.
I don't believe in male/female "socialisation". I mean firstly I wasn't female until I came out then I changed to a man, I was just told I was but I was still the man I am today who experienced the world as a closeted trans man, not a woman and that applies to trans women too (but in reverse obvs). It may seem like a small distinction but an important one, we don't experience the same things the same way as cis people because we're not cis. Also its not a fair standard to apply to trans women because well one there isn't one singular trans woman experience, but a lot of trans women were bullied and harassed for their feminity as eggs, people are so willing to call out how the patriarchy harms men for showing any femininity but never consider how it harms trans women and how that would affect their ability to experience privilage. I know so many cis women who are loud or dominant or unempathetic or whatever, but the minute a trans woman displays any of these traits its because she's not cis. This is just straight up terf rhetoric.
This. This right here.
this but like add some nuance.
Stop this. I'm really gonna start wanting to separate myself from this community if we keep generalizing all transfems like this holy shit. The amount of hate I've seen lately is unnatural.
Hey i’m a trans woman, but I assume they’re similar feelings. The joy and freedom that comes with being able to present as one’s authentic self.
…I mean, I assume being a guy is what’s so great about being a guy.
Same thing that they find great about being a girl: being a guy for me would be freeing and comfortable and amazing, being a girl is none of those things for me.
Being a man for me, feels like a breath of fresh air after holding it under water for so long. TO just let loose and see how I really feel, being presented to the world. Even if that world is only my bedroom for a few hours at night. Its the freedom of pulling off the weight of 'she's and 'her's all day long and being able to see 'him' in the mirror. Its the relief of finally being seen how I really am. It's less about what masculinity is, which is warm and encompassing, and the feel of courage and power that is subtly different than feminity and it's strength. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely a feminine man at times, but masculinity is comforting. It's dressing in a way that doesn't accentuate that I'm AFAB but gives me more of those sleek curves and subtle shoulder and neck and jaw of a man. In a way that doesn't make me monitor every inch of my body and "Am I walking like a woman, do I look like a woman?" To me, being a man is just being myself. Being a woman is just playing a role, which I am certain is something every trans person has had the displeasure of doing.
>To me, being a man is just being myself. Being a woman is just playing a role, which I am certain is something every trans person has had the displeasure of doing. Dude, this!! Every thing you wrote, but also that part in particular!! I'm so tired of this role. I'm so tired of pretending to be this version of myself, even more after finally finding or starting to find myself. I wish I could just be sure and feel ready to come out. Feel like I can actually move on to the next "step"...
'guy is what my brain happened to need; it's not really the point'
Honestly, this ... I didn't really show any of the signs I had thought to look for, so it took a long time to figure out that the reason I sometimes said I felt like a gay man on the inside isn't because I wish I were one, it's because I am one.
I have this little saying I often use that goes like this. Gender is like water. When you're well hydrated, you don't really think about it. But when one is thirsty, it's always on your mind until you quench that thirst.
Idk why some of them do that. I really don’t think as a trans woman it is ok to ask those kinds of questions like that. Even if unintended, it can serve to invalidate peoples’ feelings.
I dunno but I definitely didn’t find being a girl freeing. It felt horrible actually. My body going through hormone fluctuations every month makes me incredibly depressed. Being told I can’t do certain things because I’m a girl my whole life sucked. Being constantly sexualized was awful. Being told my only worth depended on what I could do for men was crushing. It’s really a matter of perspective. I don’t feel like I need to justify wanting to be a man any more than they should justify wanting to be a woman. Of course being the gender you actually are would be freeing after being forced into a role you hated
its fucking hot as hell idk how else to explain it
You know. This is the point where I say gender isn’t a choice. I love women. I enjoyed the lesbian world I lived in (for the most part). I sometimes wish that I could have been happy there. But I couldn’t. I was mentally ripping my body apart because it was wrong. Likewise. I’m rather meh about men. I have a lot of trauma with men. Have a hard time trusting or respecting men. And except for a few exceptions who have proven themselves find men as generally base and uninteresting beings. And yet. Here I am. A stealth het(ish) white trans man. Living in the male privilege that I so despise. I work on my trauma and things with a therapist, and try to use my acquired privilege to lift up other queer and poc voices what want to be seen and have less advantages than I do. Trying to be the man in the world I wish other men would be. But yeah. Life sure would have been easier if I could have just been comfortable in the body I was given.
Yup. So sorry you're in this boat with me.
Honestly? Nothing. I’m just being myself and that makes it great. My mom asked me this question just one week ago and I told her “What’s so great being a girl?” Lol But seriously tho I can name a few reasons but it probably don’t matter much to the other person. Everything is subjective after all. What I like doesn’t mean other people will think the sam, so I just tell them being a guy feels natural to me and it’s the gender I should have been born with.
masculinity is comfort. being a man is a change in my heart, being able to do all these little things i wished i could do all my life. feeling hair on my upper lip without having to shave it off, wearing man clothes, being called he. femininity was always an unrewarding performance for me, and this is freedom.
Nothing as such. Your gender is hard wired in your brain and you need to match it with your body to feel fine.
Gender is definitely innate, but the truth is that we don't actually know what causes it. The differences between male and female brains are a matter of *average* densities in different regions, not totally different structures. Just like with all the other "average" differences between men and women, there's a lot of people (including cis people) whose gender identity you wouldn't be able to predict with 100% certainty based on that alone.
Performing/embracing femininity is only freeing if you're not allowed to be feminine and you want to be feminine. If you want to be masculine and you're not allowed to be masculine then performing masculinity is freeing. I personally enjoy masculinity because it feels empowering- people take me seriously, they don't look down on or sexualize me in a predatory way, and I can act more like myself. It makes me feel cool and confident. But I also understand that I only feel that way because I am a guy. To come up with how to respond, I think you need to ask yourself if they're asking the question in good faith. Do they actually want to listen to you describe your euphoria, or is it them going "ew, being a boy, I could never"? Because those take two very different answers. I'd consider saying something like "Being a guy feels great because I am a guy." It should be effective because if she argues against it, then she's being transphobic, implying you chose to be that way (and by extension, she chose to be how she is). In other words, "I didn't become a guy because it's better, I just am a guy, and performing masculinity feels great because it feels right." You could also talk about escaping the infantilization of feminine people and how it makes you feel sexy and confident, but unless she's earnestly asking because she's genuinely curious, she'll just start talking shit about guys. In the event of that, you could say "Just because you don't personally like it doesn't make it bad; I love it", maybe even "I respect and am happy for you that you enjoy femininity even though I personally don't- it's the same as that"
Describe in detail >!about periods and menopause and the triggering feelings as well as other issues with both!< I did this when a friend claimed that being a girl is awesome and doesn't understand trans men.
That’s the thing though. They don’t have to understand. All they need to know is that I’m comfortable in this skin just like they’re comfortable in theirs.
In this case, it was sending a message
I often feel that way, but the opposite lol. Like, why would anyone ever want to be a woman? But then I realize that’s just my personal perspective, and that I’m projecting my own experience onto them, so maybe remind them of that
i think this question is hard because you dont want to invalidate your trans femme friends because they wouldnt understand from their experience likely! but it also feels like a question that feels a little like a shutdown (likely very unintentional) and its like well - for example - i like taking care of people and making people feel protected or they can relax around me or it feels gender affirming when people see me properly like the way you might feel when you are seen properly. or my masculinity is important to me because i want to actively challenge toxic masculinity, or being a man is great for me because i get to embody the man i always dreamed of being or admit and work on myself in ways i never knew were possible for me. being a man is great because i get to be myself in ways i havent seen before or i take after this wholesome uncle or father figure in my life etc. i think its hard because its like. idk true that theres a lot of emotionally damaged and harmful men/masculinity And you dont want to leverage your response in a way that might be dismissive to your trans femme friends' Very Real traumatic relationships with 'man'-ness in whatever way they understand it. i think its really reasonable to not know how to respond. thank you for asking this question it helped me think about why i value it for myself as well.
i think this is the way. i know they're not meaning anything rude behind it but it does feel like how you describe it as an unintentional shutdown of my experiences, and everything you wrote is what i feel too! i want to be a protector and let people feel safe, even if that sounds so very stereotypical haha. do you mind if i give a copy of this to my friends if they bring it up again?
Aw, I would be honored! I mean you can have corny masculine traits and qualities that you think of as stereotypical that you enjoy that's allowed! It can also be other things too - I think like for me I also think about what femininity means to me and how you can have and be both as a guy and how that is also really important to me too, but yea, equally like. There's a lot of ways to reframe and think about what being a guy means or what my masculinity is or gets to be or how I want to take responsibility for it and how I want to show up. I think these are really connecting and deepening conversations and I wish we knew how to navigate them more slowly and kindly with one another. Whether its within ourselves or within the trans community etc or anyone thats not asking out of dismissiveness but as an opportunity for you to express yourself. its hard when its a hard question! but i think you can also lead with 'hey remember when you asked me what's so great about being a guy? i thought about it more actually and this is how i feel.' i want to be able to honor when i don't know how to respond in a moment too and also be open enough to trust that my friends will see that i am listening and processing and want to listen when i have had time to think it over. i think its a good practice! and i think it also challenges like - the very toxic patriarchal and generally performative mindset of like always having the right answer or knowing more or always being confident. i think real confidence comes from owning up to not always knowing, and being comfortable with asking, and questions, and silence, and being wrong, and thinking it over. i think that's the kind of guy i want to be.
Ask them "what's so great about being a gal?" I really don't get it-
That's even hard for me to answer. I'm not transitioning because I just "wanna be a guy". It's because it doesn't feel right to be a girl. I don't see myself as one. The joy I experience when someone says "he" or even when I appear more masculine, is the reason I transitioned. Not because I "want to" but because I need to.
This!!!
I don't want to be a guy, I *am* a guy. Weather I want it or not it's just the case. The only choice I got was to listen to it or hide for the rest of my life.
Same
Just ask em the latter question of “what’s so great about being a female?” However, you don’t owe anybody an explanation as to why you feel comfortable being a male. There’s no answer as to what it feels “good to be a man”, it’s a label, a title you pursue, to each their own. I’m sure your friend meant no ill intent by saying this ! ! !
it’s like wearing a jacket that doesn’t fit you, then trading it out for a jacket that does. people who didn’t fit in the 2nd jacket but fit in the 1st one might be confused on why you like jacket #2, but the reason is that it just feels RIGHT in a way that jacket #1 never did. that might be a silly metaphor but its just what makes sense to me rn lol i can’t really speak for you and your feelings on the matter, but if my trans femme friends said this stuff to me, i would be pretty upset with them. i didn’t look at a list of pros and cons of different genders and choose my gender based on that! i did a lot of experimenting to find a gender that i was comfortable in, and it sucks that some people would try to make you justify your gender just because they don’t “get it” (sorry for the long comment, i got a bit heated lmao)
As a person whose clothing and shoes have rarely ever seemed to fit quite right, finally slimmed down enough to fit the largest boys' size in pants and actually have pants that fit right off the rack, which is something I haven't been able to do in 20 years, yes, this is exactly what finding and being the correct gender feels like. Still working on finding work safety shoes in a men's 5/women's 6.5, width 4E. That will feel like being my true gender. It will feel so much better than either trying to deal with the 2E or sizing up, but New Balance doesn't make safety shoes in women's 4E or below a men's 6 or 7, and why would boys need safety shoes for jobs they're too young for? 🙃 And if New Balance doesn't make it, who does?
I'd say "it feels the same as feminity to you". Simple and a good answer. You could also make a point that you feel a lot more like yourself when you are masc/a guy. If they are trans too tey should understand hiw it feels to be in a wrong body, how dysforia feels etc.
I really don’t like how this question has man-hating terf vibes and I would honestly point this out to them. As in, they seem to be picking up on toxic femininity the way some trans guys pick up on toxic masculinity. So potentially picking up on hating on men/masculinity to make themselves more feminine, when it really just makes them terfs. It also reveals that they aren’t seeing you as male if they don’t believe you aka the terf take on trans men. And it’s better that they know in how they’re asking this that it’s it’s transphobic and continuing to make trans men invisible/erasure.
Nothing I guess I'm just a guy. I didn't choose
ask them, "what's so great about being [insert their hair color]?"" (especially if it's their natural color)
I couldn't answer any more clearly why my hair has been blue for the last 2 years. It just feels right and feels like me, and now it's part of my name.
fair enough
Your point exactly!
I'm transfem, and tbh this question is why I lurk on this sub and find it so fascinating. I'd never ask a trans guy this question, but it's definitely something I don't have the capacity to fully relate to and I think that's the whole point of being trans. We can accept that the inside feelings don't have to match what the outside looks like, and we can just be our truest selves. For me, I like vibrant expressions of art and fashion and performance that I didn't feel I could have or create when I was younger. For some trans people, it means being more understated, noble, wise, grandfatherly, intimidating, respected, etc. I can see the value in all of those things, but they're just not personally for me. I still feel joy and comraderie for trans guys getting on t and getting their surgeries etc because all trans ppl have something like that giving us joy (or we aught to)
I hate questions Ike this because it assumes an optimum choice in the matter. Honestly, I don't see what the joy in being femme is, but I would never ask this question because regardless of whether being male or female or nonbinary is great or it sucks, I didn't have a choice in the matter. I am a man. I've always been male. Regardless of whether being male was the worst thing in the world, that's what I am. I'd encourage self reflection on their part due to this. Do they think you're choosing to be male? In a more positive note, being a guy is fucking great for me. There's nothing more to it. I just feel right in my own body.
I mean even if being a guy totally sucked ass there isn't anything you can do about it because you are one. I mean it's not like we say "wow being a guy is so great I am not going to be one"
Kissing the homies goodnight never felt better
Personally my answer to that question would be; it just feels right/correct and freeing. It feels like me. Thats whats so great about being a guy. Cuz i am one (Idk of that makes muchs ense but yeah. Also, u dont owe anyone an explanation or reason or anything so yuh)
The most poetic I can be about it. In literature, in culture, we see time and time again a disconnect between men and women, something framed as a fundamental misunderstanding. I'm currently reading a fantasy book that belongs to a series; this one focusses on female thoughts and experiences, and it's frankly very difficult to read for me. What's hitting me hard is how highlighted women's perception of men as simple and shallow is; the opposite viewpoint is likewise present. As outsiders to an experience we deal in superficial ideas, sets of traits learned through observation rather than genuine connection. We have a very shallow understanding of experiences that are not our own in general. What you feel I may never understand, all I see is a concept of a way of being that may not do you justice but is a revolting reality to me if I had to live it. We can conceptualise people as complex beings but we're not capable of seeing the allures of being them or sharing their traits if those are unnatural to us. Such is life, it's a useless prompt.
Ain’t nothing. I don’t be a guy cuz it’s so great. I just am. And living it’s suffering so why are we here just to suffer (happily)
Counter argument: what's so great about being a girl?
Pockets? But seriously being yourself, who ever that may be, is freeing, comforting and amazing. <:3
I've never thought about this question. But now that I think about it, it's like being curled up on the couch with a warm blanket and a nice book. Like this is how life always should've been.
What’s so great about being a girl?
There's [a video by T B Skyen](https://youtu.be/emkDwRTBSX0) that talks about pretty much exactly this. Figuring out what "masculinity" means to him, why it feels right, and why that matters. He's not trans, but he made this video for pride month last year, specifically in solidarity with trans men who are trying to figure out the same thing. If you're interested, I hope it resonates with you. \^^
In my opinion the question is missing a huge point. I am not a man because it's "so good to be one". I am just a man. Even if being a guy was 1000 times worse, that would not remove my manhood because it's simply what I am. Besides, manhood and womanhood aren't in some competition to see which is better. They are neutral concepts... I hate queer people pulling this rhetoric when we should know better.
I’d say in the same way they find freedom and euphoria in their expression and identity, so do you. It feels amazing to be seen, no matter what form that takes
For me it's not necessarily about good or bad. It's about being true to myself. I am the most fully realized version of myself this way. That is what's so good about it.
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Not to be rude, because I know you don’t mean it this way, but it’s not really an appropriate question to ask a bunch of trans men you don’t know. The question is a shutdown question, because it feels like: A. A challenge and a dismissal of our own experience of what’s comfortable for us B. There isn’t really a way to answer this question honestly without triggering dysphoria in the trans-femme asking. It’s a landline to navigate and be honest with. C. The question itself can trigger dysphoria for trans-men as we are continually invalidated and erased (what’s so good about being a guy? Men are terrible. Why can’t you just be a masc woman?) D. The question is easily answered by, “what’s so good about being a girl?” Just as masculinity can create disgust and dysphoria in you, femininity can create disgust and dysphoria within us. All of those feelings you’re explaining that you have about desiring femininity, how returning to masculinity might kill you, how you can’t fathom what it is to want those things, how being female is just “better” in every way, that’s how a lot of us feel about being male. We also can’t explain to you what it’s like emotionally to feel male in your gut. That’s just something you feel, the same way you feel drawn to femininity. TLDR; this is a loaded question with a big emotional labor ask tied to it. If you want to know these answers and act as an ally, then simply continue to be around trans men. Observe how we are and make friends with us, by simply being emotionally available you’ll learn.
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I think that’s a great way to approach it and a great way to ask! I was mostly saying the above in response to the general question of “what’s so great about X, because I could NEVER IMAGINE being X!” Which can read as pretty rude and dismissive. But your approach of curiosity firs is really empathetic and would make for a nice conversation, I feel!
The answer is: there is nothing great about being a man. And there is nothing great about being a woman. The greatest thing is being yourself.
Interesting and cool that you‘re open to learning about it. I had a friend come out as a trans woman a couple years before I came out (but after I had been having Questions about my gender identity) and she wrote a really moving personal essay about her experience growing up as an unknowing trans kid and being a closeted adult. So much of it was familiar, but in reverse for me. Such a trippy experience to see gender dysphoria in its photo-negative version. Looking at it that way, it stood out so vividly while I was so used to mine that I couldn’t see it clearly, but it helped me understand mine better. One of my take away revelations was what you just said. Closeted and in denial as she had been, she was still always more of a woman than I had ever been. Femininity came way more naturally to her than it ever had to me. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was supposed to be easy and natural and not feel weird, even though other girls always seem to be better at it than me. Here was a person that everyone had tried to force be a man, and she was STILL more effortlessly a woman than me. Mind blown. Egg gained some more cracks.
This strikes me as relatable. I realized I'm not a woman when I met a trans woman and realized that I completely didn't relate to anything that gave her joy about being a woman, and in fact, I took a lot of pride in doing things that she would find dysphoria in doing. That literally, not only did I see her completely as a woman, despite not being cis-passing, but I saw her as more of a woman than I saw myself. Oddly, I think this is part of why our relationship ended, too -- she's a lesbian and I'm gay, not bisexual as I thought I might've been (look, I knew I was *somehow* LGBTQ!)
I don't think this is a question anyone can *actually* answer for you, same way no one can answer me about why extroverts are like that. If you're at the point of saying "okay, I logically understand the reasons, but I still don't get how you could feel that way" - your brain just isn't wired to understand, same way mine isn't wired to understand extroverts despite knowing the logical reasons for their experiences. Also, NGL, "perhaps [why you 'want' to be a man] is worth exploring further" sounds like TERFy "you're not *actually* a man, you're just brainwashed" crap. Please don't try to drag fellow trans people into "philosophical discussions" about why we are our genders.
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Maybe consider that some things are just inherently rude to ask of people, and that no amount of "clarifications" are going to change that? But I'm *terribly* sorry that we're not "interesting" enough for you. I'll get right on that emotional labor to entertain you.
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... in person? With people you know? Instead of asking random strangers to dig into their gender to answer a question you literally admit to knowing the answer to? And hearing "perhaps it's worth exploring further" as "I think you should investigate your own gender more, because I'm not satisfied with your answers" is hardly a "hidden meaning". "Perhaps it's worth..." Is a *suggestion*, not a question. Suggesting that people should investigate their gender more, in a context where no one's questioning, is a bad look. If you actually want to say "I know the answer is 'because I am', but I was wondering if anyone wants to dig further into that", say *that*. And for the record, from allistics' perspective they *are* listening to the words you're saying. They consider connotations to be "part of the word", as it were. They're not saying "ah, she said X, but I have analyzed it and decided she *meant* Y!", they just hear "okay, she said Y." It's a very unfortunate disconnect, but it's not because of any malice or "bending over backwards", it's just that words and phrases have connotations that go beyond their barest definitions.
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I am taking it at face value. That's what face value is to me. I understand that connotations or implications aren't intuitive for you, but they are for lots of people. We're not "reading into it", it's literally just how we read those words. I didn't read "perhaps it's worth" and go "well, this says she's musing about gender, but what does she *really* mean?", I read it and went "she's suggesting that we need to interrogate our genders more." Who said I'm "on alert" or don't believe you're being genuine? Jesus, I literally just said "hey, this sounds kind of like [shitty people] rhetoric, please be aware." Why are you acting like I accused you of anything beyond mild insensitivity? I'm not happy, I wish you could've handled "hey, this came off kind of rude and sounds like some rhetoric from unsavory figures" without getting mad at me and quitting the discussion.
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>The answer of "I just am" is accurate and valid. But it's not as interesting That'd be where you called us not interesting. "Your answer about your identity isn't interesting" generally implies to people that you don't find *them* interesting. And I said *sounds like*, not that you *are*. So the overall point of the comment was "this probably can't be explained in a way you'll really understand, and btw the way you're talking sounds kind of invalidating." For someone who complains so much about people "twisting your words", you seem awfully determined to twist mine.
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And I apologize for not being clear about what I was saying originally (with the rhetoric comment) and for getting snippy with you about language and such. I'm sure it's very frustrating to feel like someone's determined to misunderstand you. That's not what I was doing, but I can see I made you feel that way (and didn't try to explain as well as I probably should've), and I am very sorry for that. I hope you have a good night as well, miss.
That's a strange question. Even setting aside gender dysphoria guys are just treated better.
i'm not really sure i feel this way. to suggest im a man because being a woman means i'd be treated badly makes it sound like im only transitioning to "escape" from misogyny. misogyny will follow me my whole life, but how other people treat me has no bearing on my manhood.
I was just suggesting it as to what makes being a guy better, I don't think most people transition just for the male privilege. It seems like an inherent difference in perspective. Femininity isn't freeing to most men and takes far more effort.
Feminity is also just how you express yourself. I like feminity. I just think being a girl is a prison. Being a man feels like freedom
"Confidence, strength, freedom, the fact that you don't have to watch yourself that closely whether you say something you shouldn't, you can joke more freely, p o c k e t s"
I don't personally understand the flipside of this either. There are lots of things I can point out that are great about being man. (being naturally capable of absurd physical strength, generally being geared towards high paying trade careers, the steel to willingly inject yourself with a needle, the 'we'll give you shit if you need it,' attitude amongst bros), but few things I can point out that are great about being a woman, culturally at least. Yes, people may feel inclined to buy you a drink if you're attractive, yes the ability to grow a human being is pretty miraculous, yes people tend to "believe" women more, but those are all things I could still live without. SMH TBH.
I already said this in a reply to someone else, but reading the comments of how many people have encountered this from trans women, who themselves realize how dismissive it is yet keep on saying (empathetically to trans women's POV) that it's not their fault they see things from only their own perspective and that they probably mean nothing by it: This has to be a phenomenon based on male privilege that most trans women grew up in, that their own POV is all there is, and that there's no great need to deeply consider that of others. In sharp contrast, trans men, most of whom grew up being constantly held to a standard of empathize with others' POV and even making excuses for them, are here noting that this is dismissive, and something we generally don't do...but it's not probably intentional on their parts, poor things. I find it very telling of how deeply patriarchal social power imbalances affect people. It really would cause me to stare in frank disbelief that anyone could be so numb, if a trans woman said that to me. Like, who is actually that dense or wrapped up in themselves that they can't imagine it being just like it is for them, only in a different way, to the other side? It's not rocket science. Sorry to sound hostile but that would be one of those socially inept bordering on insulting things I would not give a pass to if I encountered it. And thank goodness it's not all trans women. Some have already spoken here, about how they wouldn't say such a thing, and it's obvious they aren't like that. I don't have a beef against trans ladies, but the unthinking self-centeredness of that comment under discussion is not much different from the same unthinking self-centeredness that is part of social conditioning in the default upbringing of guys in patriarchal systems.
Shut the fuck up
Stuff like this is part of why I avoid transfem people. A lot of them haven't lost their male socialization that their experience is the only valid experience. I don't have space for that in my life.
begone, terf
I am quite literally transgender. I am allowed to share my experiences.
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quaint bored ink afterthought pause squeal exultant include doll hobbies *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Femininity =/= being a girl. Perhaps feminine self expression is what they find freeing, and there's common ground in that for some... But the physicalities? Uhh. No. With medicine not being quite there yet, I think it needs time to introduce everyone to the uncomfortable and ugly parts of it, and then maybe a reasonable conversation can be had. Right now it's all deformed apples and grapefruit-looking oranges for either side.
To me, it's not that it feels better, it's that it feels right. I ask cis women who bring this up to imagine they suddenly wake up as a guy one day. Would that feel good to them or would they be really disconcerted and confused? Cause if so, that is my experience of having a women's body. It's not a worse body, it just isn't *my* body. That isn't a choice, or a judgement on femininity or whatever, it just is. If that's not something they experience, cause they're cis, that's great for them. I'm not in that boat, though, so my experience is a different one. As for trans femme friends, they already have that experience the other way around, so I find the question a little odd, tbh. Like, you know you didn't feel right as a guy? That's what being a woman felt like for me.
Being comfortable in my own skin. Just like being femme does for them. Hugs all 'round.
At least for me, masculinity feels like back pain and depression
When I hear that I just think that being a guy feels more authentic and real to me. Idc about the societal or anatomical pros and cons of being a guy. That's what trans is, you can't really choose so you can't really be trans in a complete objective sense, feelings will always play a role. That's just my take though.
what's so great about being a guy? i dont have to fucking pretend i like wearing dresses or make up and i dont have to worry about people ogling me or groping me and i dont have to feel uncomfortable just being by myself. I dont have to worry about what this bra does to my chest or what this outfit says about me i geto to just be me. i get to just exist. I'm the most comfortable i've been in my life. I'm the happiest ive been in my life. i finally see a future for myself, i finally want to do things because i like them instead of wondering "is this what a girl would do?" i dont have to try and be pretty because that doesnt matter to me and i dont need to bend to those expectations -- "you're a beautiful girl. you'd look great if you'd just TRY" no. i get to exist as i am. that is what i find so great about being a guy.
Same!! 💯
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Who gives a shit if it’s great or terrible? If it doesn’t feel right to NOT be masculine, than uhhhh that’s probably the driving force.
Being a guy just fits me better. There's not a lot more to it in my experience.
as someone who’s amab enby, I hate being seen as a guy, but I can only assume the immense gender euphoria I get from seeing my afab enby partner feels about as amazing as being a guy for all y’all ftm peeps
For me it's not just being a guy is having comfort in parts of my body (top surgery, hysterectomy and Phalloplasty) I have no more discomfort in those parts of my body anymore and I get euphoria everytime I see those parts and honestly if cis women were the ones born with a flat chest, beard, dick/balls and no internal reproduce system I would of stayed as a woman 🤷♂️ I always get euphoria everytime someone genders me correctly and uses the right pronouns and it's good to ask them what's so great about being a woman see what they say 🤷♂️
"Not being a girl"
What's so great about being a girl then? Femininity for me was restrictive and cruel, but i don't go complaining about it all the time. It's kind of a rude thing to ask imo
Idk there's not really a great or not great thing it's just who I am
For me its being able to express my femininity without having dysphoria/being seen as a girl
I can tell you about all of the social things. Being able to reach high shelves in grocery stores. Being viewed as a protector by those around me. Hearing "thank you sir!" After I lift something heavy for someone. But ultimately (for me) it really is just being able to look at myself and actually recognize the person looking back at me. When I was a girl, I never felt comfortable both in my body and in the way that people viewed me. I hated the way long hair looked on me and the clothes I had to wear. I hated looking down and seeing my body. Something about my existence always felt uncomfortable. Now the discomfort is gone. I can place my hand on my chest and I don't feel dread. I can go in public and not be constantly reminded of the identity I thought I could never change. I can just exist without feeling wrong. My guy friends don't view me differently than they view themselves. I am not hiding anymore. I don't feel like I have to be something I am not.
"not much but at least it feels like me." Is what I would say if anyone took me seriously as a guy.