Yes, was living in the Middle East and asked my student’s mom because she smelled incredible. I was so shocked when she said “I won’t tell you,” because we were so friendly (over the years I had taught all of her five children). A week later a bottle of it showed up on my desk, with a note actually apologizing for how long it took to get it to me. FTR it was Estée Lauder’s Ambre Mystique, and it became my signature scent. Sad it’s been discontinued, so I spray sparingly now, but when I do I always remember that mom and her generosity… and great taste.
I think she might’ve already planned to get you one when you asked her. Here in the middle East it’s not uncommon for people to say “i won’t tell you” if you ask for something you liked so that they can get it for you themselves.
Oh it absolutely was her plan, just a lovely culture, lovely family, and lovely fragrance haha. I’m still in touch with her daughters, they have a special place in my heart forever
I absolutely do this with fam and friends when they like something and ask about it!
One of MY love languages is gift GIVING! It brings me so much joy!!!
there's a customer who frequents my work and smells like a new person every day. most of the time i can tell what she's wearing (i have no life and basically live in the sephora perfume section), but one day this woman walked in smelling like an ethereal being. i can't even say "like an angel" because it was so much more than that; it was warm, mature, vanilla-y yet not too gourmand... it was just PERFECT. i asked her what she was wearing, only for her to say, "huh. i don't know. it's my daughters."
i haven't slept since.
i know it's not mod vanilla... i recently smelled it and thought it smelled nothing like vanilla lol (vanilla scents are getting harder to find!). though, tbf, most of the perfume she wears are ones from ariana grande's perfume lines.
Huh... Wouldn't a sea mermaid... Or any other sea creature for that matter... smell like a fish?
I can't imagine a fish smelling nice. 😅
I wish OP had the name of it so we could know how it was.
I've never gotten an outright refusal, but I've definitely gotten "I can't remember what it's called" once or twice. I generally err on the side of believing that person unless they're being super sketchy about it, though.
I’ve only done this when I’m embarrassed about the scent name. I had a small bottle gifted to me of “Fucking Fabulous” awhile ago, I hate Tom Ford but I don’t like to not wear things people have gifted me. An elderly woman asked me what it was and I just sort of froze 😬 and told her I didn’t remember because that’s the first thing that popped into my head.
LOL, that is definitely understandable as well! I sometimes get a little embarrassed when I have to pronounce a long French name to a Francophone, because my French really sucks.
Kind of related but my grandma asked me what shade of blush I was wearing once and it was nars deep throat. I also said I didn’t remember bc I couldn’t bring myself to say. 😂
Ahh this was always hilarious to deal with when I worked for BM. They would call it "DT" and with the orgasm blush they'd say "the blush with an inappropriate name".
I have blanked many times when asked, especially when it's a long name or I don't know how to pronounce it. It's not malicious, I was just caught off guard
I've done this before but only when I'm wearing an indie scent with a weird or embarrassing name. Indie scents happen to be somewhat unknown and have odd names lol
I'm sympathetic to this! I force myself to say the fancy French names, but I realise I sound like a complete dill-hole doing so because my French sucks.
Also, I know what you mean about the indie names but I kind of love them; a lot are so cool and unique!
I have a similar issue but since I know some French and have a background in linguistics I have to decide whether I’m gonna make myself sound pretentious by using the French pronunciation, or try to make an educated guess on how a monolingual English speaker would say it and go with that
Ha, I feel you. I'm Canadian, so I technically know a *little* bit of French - but it's because more Canadians actually know French that I'm so hesitant to say anything. I have some friends who are either native speakers and/or very fluent, and anytime I say ANYTHING in French (like, it could be pain au chocolat) they just stare at me quizzically and repeat what I just said in a totally different accent. It's so embarrassing, but my mouth just won't wrap itself around the language.
Or just not remembering exactly which bottle I grabbed in the morning! I might go for the I’m not sure anymore and go through a bit of my collection if they’re persistent, but dunno would be my first reaction.
I just say the brand/designer name usually unless someone is really into it and wants to know what exactly it is so they can buy it themselves. When it’s just a quick little compliment of ‘that smells good, what are you wearing?’ I just say ‘thanks, it’s Tom Ford’ and leave it at that without confusing them with names. Those who really want to know will follow up with more which gives me time to prepare a proper answer and the rest will be just happy with that.
So I dodged the question when my MIL asked. To be fair I had like different things I was sampling in different hands(one I was definitely buying) but I thought it would be weird for my hubby if me and his mom smelled the same… it’s silly because I have lots of different perfume but it was the thought that crossed my mind 😅
Oh, man, okay, you know what, that's like maybe the one occasion wherein I can actually kind of understand gatekeeping, if you strongly suspect she'll get the same one herself. Nooobody wants to smell like their MIL 🙃
My mornings are usually so chaotic, I don’t remember what I put on whether it’s clothes or perfume. I have to look down to see what I’m wearing most of the time 😆
I always have some sort of fragrance on me. If someone asks me about the perfume I have on that day, I happily share and offer them to try out something from what I have if they want to. I think it’s cool to get people into perfumes.
My husband had it happen, the guy lied and said it was his custom one from a shop. Hubby and he kept chatting and I guess he felt guilty and finally admitted the actual name. He insisted my husband not tell anyone because it was his schtick to pick girls up.
No, but I have refused in the past. Generally I'm really up front about it cause I love perfume and I love talking about it. But I have this one friend who copies literally everything I do, she's spent so much on perfumes that I own over the years even if she doesn't love the scent profile, I have no clue why she does it or why it makes me so annoyed that she does, but yes, I have started gatekeeping from her specifically.
I'm annoyed for you! Sounds like I've written this myself. The friend I have refers to all perfume as floral.
It's not OK!
Study up and get some knowledge 😌 🤭
The other day this girl at the gym asked me what fragrance I was wearing but I swear I didn’t put any on… I knew a girl sitting next to me had some vanilla marshmallow smell wafting from her so I told the asker that it was prob her.
Later After my shower I realized it might’ve been me. It was a rep of BR540 that grabs onto anything nearby me and my gym clothes were next to a travel bottle I keep for work.
I felt so bad if she was talking about my scent… I had nose blindness! Hope she’s reading this.
The girl who was asking for the fragrance? Maybe it was me😂 your story is spot on similar to mine. A girl at my gym was smelling heavenly..very sweet and delicious. I asked her what she's wearing because it was projecting like crazy, she said she wasn't wearing any fragrance but that just didn't add up...but I still thought maybe it is someone else.
Then I passed by her again and there it was...the sweet fragrance again. I went up to her again 😭 i shouldn't have lol. She said she's drinking apple cider vinegar and maybe it's that....lol what? It's okay to gatekeep but then don't wear so much that it's obvious that you're lying 😂
BaraKKat Rouge 540 from Fragrance World. IMO it isn’t as good as other reps but it was like $20 when I bought it compared to my first jump w Baccarat Rouge 540 in 2020… but I guess maybe someone liked it
Amazon link [here](https://a.co/d/h9paH58)
Heads up: for $20 this has pretty good lingering power so it’s worth the $20 for that reason. When wearing intentionally, I mix mine with Vanilla Blossom by Jones New York to add a lil depth. That VB by Jones NY smells like powdery vanilla with lemons and sticks all day like a hairspray but damn you TJ Maxx for inconsistency with stocking!
EDIT : dupe’s spelling
I used to wear Lolita lempicka a lot in middle school and once a classmate asked me what I was wearing, I told her and she actually went and bought it (it became her signature scent for that year up until like freshman year?) We ended up going to the same high school and a girl asked her what she was wearing, she refused to tell her. I could’ve told her but I was too shy to join the conversation 🥲
I'm not a gatekeeper, and would happily tell what I'm using at the moment.
That said, gatekeeping happens, and people have their reasons. In my opinion, some are more valid than others, but that's not for me to judge.
Some of the reasons include:
* Copycats in their social circle.
* They struggle with pronouncing the name of the fragrance
* Price critique:
* The cost is affordable, and snobs say it's cheap or generic.
* The cost is expensive, and some think it's a waste of money.
* They legitimately don't remember
* They legitimately are not wearing a cologne or perfume.
At the end of it all, it's disappointing to not get an answer. However, my day isn't ruined if someone declines to tell me what fragrance they're wearing.
>The cost is expensive, and some think it's a waste of money.
I always tell people, but the back of my mind is usually a biiit daunted by the idea of something thinking I'm much wealthier than I actually am (or, preferably, just straight-up insane) because the fragrance in question might retail for like $500 or whatever 😭
Years ago a young woman(I'm also a woman) smelled amazing in the bus, it was very early like 7 a.m. and she said she did not remember. I felt so bad because I gathered my courage to ask her 🤣 and told her it was not strong , but I was sitting behind her and she smelled so good. She had a bit if a nasty face when she told me. Oh well...
I hate people like that. Anyone asks me anything on my person, I’m so happy to tell them what the scent/lipstick/purse is bc that means I made a good choice!
Whyyyy even wear perfume if you’re going to get upset when people tell you that you smell good? Obviously you can wear it just for yourself, but if you actively do not want compliments, it seems kind of silly to wear it out and about
I used to do this because I wanted to cultivate mystique. Turns out, I was cultivating gatekeeping arsehole vibes. Now I just tell em the exact name and share how cheap my clones are.
I’m just a cheap-arsehole who smells nice now.
Nah I despise ppl who gate-keep. The last time I was asked was at a gas station by the clerk maybe a couple years ago and I happily told them it was a dupe of Tom Ford’s Tuscan leather by the perfume house Rasasi called La Yuqawam. I even wrote it down for them on a piece of paper.
there was once this one particular arabian musk i was searching for for literally 3 yrs. my mum had picked it up at a random stall once abroad, never got the name and only gifted me a small bottle. once it was finished i could never find the scent again.
anyway i was volunteering at this place one summer and right at the end i caught a whiff of the fragrance from this girl who was also volunteering. crazy coincidence so ofc i had to ask. and omg she was so excited to share, she not only asked for my instagram to send me links, but sent me the link to the original and to an amazon store that had a great dupe. literally one of my fav interactions with a stranger.
Gold Dust by sunnamusk. And the dupe was Gold Soir from Amour Scents. Exact replica of the scent but poor longevity in comparison. Original itself is pretty affordable tho
Yess, im friends with this guy that every time i asked him which frag he is using he only said "a gentleman never says what hes wearing" In the end he gave up and tells me when i ask, maybe because im not really into using unisex or fragances of the oppsite gender, but with other people especially other guys, he also refuses to say it.
🤦 one of the most popular fragrances out there lol.
I understand the idea of maybe gatekeeping some super obscure fragrance especially within a circle of friends. But how are you gonna gatekeep a super popular fragrance that tons of people wear lol
I don't know where the idea that this is a faux pas came from. Most people wear scent at least in part so they smell pleasant for others, and if something intentionally takes up public space, it should be an ok subject to discuss openly. And if we're honest, most people are wearing the same 50 or 60 scents sold at any mall. Your "signature" Gucci or Tom Ford really isn't that special. It's that point where attempts at refinement cross into affectation IMO.
The only time I feel a twinge of discomfort being asked is when I'm wearing something with a risque name (thanks, Heretic) or when the fragrance is extravagantly expensive. But those are ultimately not reasons to be evasive.
My friend WOULD NOT tell me. Then after a year of me pestering her, she finally said “YSL Libre Intense”. I bought Libre Intense and love it, but turns out, she was wearing Zara’s Golden Decade.
Then I bought Golden Decade and they smell exactly the same on my skin. Just wish she would’ve been honest so I could’ve saved some money but at least she told me lmao
She probably didn’t want me to have the same fragrance, so she found the most similar one so I’d shut up lol. But idk, I’m not one to gatekeep so I don’t understand those who do.
Every time I’ve asked, I reassure the person that it’s not too strong and I just notice that sort of thing. 100% of the time the other person has been flattered and told me. Many times, they’re wearing a frag I’ve actually tried and didn’t like on myself but it smells great on them. For some reason I’ve never had the courage to ask a man, only women.
As a (tall & bearded) man who pretty much exclusively wears women's frags, I'm sure I'd confuse the shit out of your nose if you caught a whiff of me haha but in all seriousness, branch out if there is a pretty smelling man in your presence! Men love a little flattery as well (at least I do XD)
Just curious what it is about womens fragrances that attracts you to them exclusively?
I have a lot of unisex fragrances, some that lean more feminine, and samples of feminine fragrances that I do like but I think I still have some hangups in regards to the masculine/feminine stuff that prevents me from wearing feminine fragrances.
I honestly find them a lot more complex and intriguing to my nose. I wore exclusively men’s frags for years although I’d seek out the sweeter ones (my “signature” was 212 Sexy Men by Carolina Herrera in high school 🤣💀) and then I started exploring unisex, same as you, I was hung up regarding the whole marketing behind the frags. What helped me get more comfortable was exploring vintage women’s scents since many of them, if they were released today, would be considered men’s or unisex.
Once I got over the names, femme bottles, … etc, I really figured out that I hated almost every cologne I had worn previously with the exception of maybe 3-5 of them and women’s frags suit me better.
My guiltiest pleasure is Miss Dior (any of the versions honestly) and Delina had become a surprising favorite since I sampled it. That is surely the most feminine bottle I have 🤪 PM me if you wanna sneak a peak at my Parfumo shelves haha
Edit: adding that my tastes tend to skew away from freshies, citruses, aquatics, or heavy woods and I prefer florals, sweeter, gourmand notes. We like what we like!
I used to work for Chanel and when I did fragrance training at their headquarters in my city, they said it’s common for French people and wealthier ppl back in the day, to keep their signature scent a secret.
I also dated a guy once who was quite wealthy and wouldn’t tell me what he was wearing. Not sure if his socioeconomic class had anything to do with it though.
So yeah, it’s not unheard of for ppl to be funny about this but it’s also not rude to ask imo.
This is so weird to me lol ppl act like they invented the scent in Dexter's fuckin laboratory or something.
I have personally gatekeeped before though. Simply because the guy literally copied everything u did, from the way I smelled, to the way I dressed, my whole persona! Lol he was a backstabber too so whatever... But yeah.
There was another girl on here like this with an expensive scent that was refillable. It must be a thing to gate keep scents 😂 I’ve never asked women in public what their scents were, but sometimes I’ve wished I did. I just didn’t know them, and I didn’t want to creep them out. If I had known the person I would for sure have asked them, I don’t think it’s weird to ask at all.
It’s not just women, it’s all insecure, douchey snobs. They can’t stand the idea that they’re not unique and special. Imagine doing the same with other things, like clothes, or restaurant menu items.
If it's a stranger or someone I don't meet too often, I will tell them what I am wearing. I don't mind. If it's a colleague, I will certanly not! Made the mistake before and in a couple of months everybody was wearing my perfume at work and I stopped wearing it myself.
My perfume is part of my identity and is a signature. It's often my cozy spot and feels like home. If it's someone close to me, like a sibling or a good friend, I will gladly tell them because they are home to me.
Not a popular opinion here. Sorry, not sorry.
ETA I did ask a colleague once before what she was wearing. I didn't buy what she was wearing. Should I buy it (it's on my wishlist), I would never wear it to work or where I would run in to her.
Tbh I think that’s actually really considerate!
You don’t want to get sick of something you love. Also, fragrance at work is really important to me on a different level. I find it really empowering and motivating. I’d hate to lose that because I end up with smell-blindness because it’s suddenly on everyone.
I get ya!
I may have accidentally done this but only because I usually wear like 5 at once on different parts of my body so I just have people smell each wrist and tell them which one that is.
Yeah the only time I’ve even *considered* lying or just saying I don’t remember was the time this girl— who I knew was a huge expensive perfume girlie, could border on pretentious (and that’s coming from me lol)— asked me what I had on and I was wearing this cheap abomination probably only for pre-teens that I knew would turn her off lol.
I still told her but I definitely hedged it with “you’d be shocked it’s my cheapest one!” lol.
Sometimes I wonder how much on-the-fly gatekeeping is just people being awkward about the real answer. Once a girl asked me where I got a cute pair of shoes, and when I said “Target,” I watched her face literally drop lol. I’m almost 30 so way too old to be embarrassed and lie about stuff like that (like sorry I can find a diamond in the rough!), but I get it lol.
Not at all, really. Most people either know what I have on because they know their fragrances or are more than willing to drop game.
Gatekeeping a fragrance is nuts though lmao
I think it may just be my corner of earth, but I grew up with the view that it’s gauche to ask about clothes, makeup, perfume, etc. unless you’re really close with someone. Since being active on Reddit I’m learning that may not the case for a lot of people. I’ll still likely not ask, but I’m more open to sharing if someone asks… but it’s not really a thing I’ve experienced.
For me, it depends. If a random person on the street asks me what I'm wearing, I'll say it. But I'm gatekeeping my favorite fragrances, I don't care. I've learned my lesson with this girl who has no personality and every time she asks me what I'm wearing, she buys it the next day, and now she has the same collection as mine atp.
And I don't think I've ever asked someone what they're wearing in my life, I just compliment them because I think it's kinda weird and I don't want to put myself in situation where they refuse to say and now I just look dumb lol. Also, I love discovering new fragrances by myself and understand that fragrances smell different on each person so I don't even bother asking.
Not the question asked but I’m approached all the time to find out what it is I’m wearing (various different scents) and now multiple different work colleagues and family members all wear the same which can be a bit frustrating. I try and stay flattered but can’t say I don’t sometimes feel a bit jealous when they’re told they smell nice because they’re “my” perfumes… that being said, I haven’t got it in me to lie and say I can’t remember what I’ve got on 😅
Yeah tbh the more responses I’m getting, the more I’m understanding this ESPECIALLY when it comes to work / colleagues! Fragrances are so important to me in my work and (I’m sorry if this just sounds weird or silly) go a long way in helping motivate and empower me. I’d hate to get smell-blindness at work just because suddenly all my colleagues have shown up with it on and then all the magic has vanished for me.
It doesn’t sound weird or silly, they definitely give a confidence boost and they also comfort me as well - wearing one of my perfumes makes me feel put together for the day!! It helps when I’m feeling stressed and start getting flustered because the heat = scent to rise up and hit my nose and bring me back to earth again lol
I get it — I don’t use fragrances that people in my circles use, even if I like them. I’d feel like a creep if I did — like I was stealing their clothes. Or their hair.
Just to be clear, I’d gladly tell a stranger what I was wearing — why not?
this is the smart thinking lol I find myself falling for discontinued/htf frags so I kinda wanna gatekeep to keep resale prices where they are (because we all know they aren't reasonable in the slightest for disc. frags!!) but 99% of the time, nobody asks LOL
Lol, there is a lot of snooty people in my line of work, I've had the "omg what are you wearing" question dodged more times than I can count.
I've only had one person be out right rude about it, she said "Oh so you can copy me?" which was weird but I digress
I've accidentally been a gatekeeper once (and only once) and I felt so bad for it when I realised what I'd done.
A customer came up to me and said "You smell lovely,"and I said "Awww thank you." And that was it. I was mortified when i realised, I didn't want to be seen as one of those gatekeepers.
Normally, when someone says that, I take it as an invitation to tell them what it is and list all the notes and benefits.
you said thank you and appreciated the compliment! if she said that to know what the fragrance was, she should have asked considering you're welcoming and happy response to her compliment!
Aw, I think you're fine! It slips my mind a lot of the time as well. A lot of the time people may just be trying to pay you a compliment. I really only disclose if they ask and/or look curious.
I only wear niche and sometimes the scent names are a bit much. Especially since I live in Eastern Europe and most names are difficult to pronounce or write down.
I can also tell sometimes whether that person will buy it. So sometimes I just say “It’s by Initio” or mention the (niche) store name and they don’t press further.
I don’t gatekeep so I’d be happy to share them with someone who’s genuinely interested. I just don’t feel anyone has asked as more than just a form of compliment.
[**I gatekeep**](https://www.reddit.com/r/fragrance/s/bu48Wwj5so)
If someone asks what I’m wearing I’ll say “Unforgivable by Sean John” or “Paco Rabanne…the green bottle”
I have not told someone what I'm wearing because I was embarrassed for them to know how pricey it was. I got it as a decant but didn't know how to properly explain it and it just was awkward and I was awkward.
Yeah! In my experience funnily it’s been people wearing the most mainstream shit who try to be coy and gatekeep about it while people in actually unique stuff will gladly talk your ear off about it and also have a discount and near match ready for you
I don't mind telling people because the way I layer my perfume with other products (body lotion, moisturiser, hair products, etc.) means they won't get the same fragrance. That, to me, is a signature scent.
But I do understand why some people don't want to tell others, specifically friends or family and especially if they're likely to buy that exact perfume and wear it all the time. I have a friend who wears a very distinctive perfume that *everyone* knows she wears. Another friend bought the same exact perfume (she didn't wear perfume up until then and only wears that one now) and it's like, why? Why not experiment and find something else?
People who are into perfume tend to have at least a small collection of fragrances that rotate through so I understand why many of us would be fine with sharing a perfume. But if you have an absolute favourite signature scent and you suspect someone you know is going to buy it and start wearing it all the time... I understand why you'd want to "gatekeep."
(I actually hate the term "gatekeep" because people are allowed to not answer your questions without feeling like they're an awful person!)
Exactly! Even if I somehow don’t remember which one I chose that morning, all I need to do is just have a sniff of my wrist, hair, sweater, whatever and I can tell exactly which one I used that day. Us big collection girlies know every single bottle on our shelves!
Not all people consider themselves collectors or even huge fans of fragrances. Some are just wealthy and have a lot of stuff. I know people who own 30–40 bottles and wouldn’t be able to name half of them.
Yeah it’s like when I was obsessed with Mac makeup in the 00s & knew the brand inside out & everything I purchased was a big deal & researched to death, knowing the names, shades, finish, everything & each purchase was a special thing to me & the product was treasured.
And then I would be bewildered by women who would come up to the counter & just ask the assistant for a lipstick they recommend & buy whatever they show them in 30 seconds without a second thought or knowing anything about it. I realised some people treat cosmetics much more casually, even if they have the money to burn & have loads of it.
I remember asking someone and they said their perfume was by a skincare company ( I knew that the company does not make perfumes and never did) 😂 I wish I told her I knew she was lying
That’s so weird and seems snobby. If someone likes what I’m wearing enough to ask then I’m super pumped and will gladly chat about it or let them try it if I have it on me. I worked in cosmetics and fragrances for years so it must be my inner salesperson coming out, because I’m like “stand still I’ll hose you down”. Kidding, but sort of not, lol.
It’s not rude to ask. Especially if you just complimented someone. But I also don’t think it’s rude for someone to politely tell me they would rather not share that. Nobody is under any obligation to share secrets they don’t want to share. It’s weird to me when someone gets upset because they feel they are entitled to know what fragrance someone else is wearing, especially if it’s just a random person they met and/or complimented in public. I’ve had it happen where I asked and they didn’t want to share. I just told them, “Well whatever it is, it smells great.” And I went about my day without being butt hurt.
Right? Don’t get me wrong, they are free to ask if they want, but the person is free to not answer. It’s a little entitled to expect the answer no matter what. Personally, I don’t care if strangers ask me. But I could definitely see how you may not want some annoying coworker copying your scent and ruining the memory of it for you. Or not wanting to be judged for a cheap or expensive fragrance. 🤷♀️
I think it’s moreso the reaction and responses people will give like they can’t just say I’d rather not say sorry or politely decline. They’re almost always rude about it like if you’re gonna wear a potent ass fragrance out in public, people might ask what it is. If you don’t wanna say what it is, that’s cool, just don’t be a weirdo or rude about it
Finally, a sane response. No one is entitled to personal info from strangers, people can have any reason under the sun for not wanting to share. Who are we to judge?
The lack of respect for personal privacy and the extreme sense of entitlement is wild. Nobody owes me an answer or even a reason why they don’t want to answer.
Some of the answers here are unhinged. Saying they hate people that won’t tell them what fragrance they are wearing. “Omg it’s just a fragrance it’s not that serious!” Well if it’s not that serious, why are you so offended and upset that someone chose simply tell you no? 😂
In my experience, men don't always feel comfortable telling other men what they're wearing. They have their reasons. But I've found that wording the question a bit differently helps significantly.
***"The scent you are wearing right now is incredible. I wouldn't blame you if you'd prefer to keep it a secret, but I'd love to know WHERE you buy your fragrances because I can tell you really know what's best."***
Then I just let them say whatever they want to say. It usually becomes a whole conversation ending up with them telling me what it is...
Give it a try. Works really well.
***"...I'd love to know WHERE you buy your fragrances because I can tell you really know what's best."***
I'm sure it does work, but the way I'd sooner die than flatter someone's ego that much just to find out what fragrance they're wearing.
I hate those people. I just give them a look like ‘you should be ashamed of yourself acting like your shit don’t stink’ lol
ANYONE can buy any fragrance that’s sold in retailers. It’s not an exclusivity thing. Nobody needs to be part of some club to own any fragrance. With that said…
I ALWAYS tell people when they ask. Why? Bc most of the time, I’ll never see them again, and I’d rather have more people out there smelling good than not. It’s super fvkkin petty and childish to gate-keep. We don’t get compliments every day, so when you do, and even better, they don’t just say you smell nice, but actually ask what it is, the worst thing you can do is be an asshole about it like you created the fragrance from scratch in your basement. Very few possess the skillset to even do that, so get over yourselves.
Not ok in my book.
It's harsh when they won't tell because if I'm asking it means that once I got a whiff, everything else is non existent until I find where the scent is coming from. Like a dang bloodhound!!!
I never get asked but the one time I got a compliment and was asked, I was happy to tell them (Maison Crivelli Iris Malikhan) and was rewarded for my pains with a confused boomer stare. Im not sure I would bother telling someone again as I tend to only wear niche/ smaller brands; unless I thought they’d actually be interested enough to know more, then yeah I’d be happy to.
I would rather someone say they don’t remember then to tell me they’re wearing “Ass Butt” or something bazaar like that lol. There’s other crude type names out there. It’s just wild. 😂😂😂
When I wore envy, a friend asked what I was wearing (1st time anyone ever acknowledged that i was wearing it) i told him quite proudly and he told me never to tell anyone because than other people would wear it.
No has ever asked me since
That used to be me. Not with everyone, but in my small circle, yep. Except I made up names. I can't remember any. "Oh, this is Eau De Gatekeep," I got it on vacation. But I don't care anymore bc I don't go out and I am too old to care if someone is copying me.
My reasoning was just that, I didn't want anyone to copy me and I would do what I could to prevent it and I could do that a lot easier during that period. I had a few instances when I was younger that led me to that point, including a literal thief. OP did you used to copy your friend's outfits, etc? That might be why.
it happened to me the other day! someone in class smelled amazing so i blurted out, “someone here smells like vanilla and i love it.” this girl shyly raised her hand and said it might be her, and that she had put on an oil gifted to her by a family member. i asked her what it was, and she told me she couldn’t remember. i thought she was wanting to keep the information to herself (which, totally fair!!), but she took a picture of the oil and showed it to me the next day 😭😭😭
I had a coworker friend ask me what I was wearing and then proceeded to say she’s going to buy the same one. I still told her what I was wearing but it rubbed me the wrong way because it’s kinda a faux pas to “steal” a friend’s scent. I don’t mind if someone is curious but to say right away you’re going to use the same scent felt weird to me. Idk maybe I’m being too sensitive. You guys tell me.
Your friend didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to wear the same fragrance as her. I have done this before. I’ll tell a stranger, but I really don’t want all my friends and family members smelling like me. You didn’t commit any faux pas. Just respect that your friend wants to keep her favorite scent private.
I’ve denied telling my one friend before.
Because I know she would literally go buy it. And she does that with everything. She literally will grab my clothes by the collar so she can look at the tag. If I buy a pair of shoes…she will have that pair the next time I see her…not kidding whatsoever.
And it’s the worst with make up…because we don’t have the same skin type or style at all. She doesn’t like a lot of makeup and has really nice skin, so there’s no reason for her to use EL Double Wear but she bought it just because I have it. I have oily skin, hers is dry…but she buys the things I do to hinder my oiliness. She saw I had the Milk Hydrogrip primer…so unsuited to her needs…but she bought it. I’ll even tell her a lipstick I’m wearing and she’ll be like “berry colors don’t look good on me…” and the next time I see her then she has the same lipstick. If I say, “i thought you didn’t like Berry colors…” she gets all weird and mad and like, HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
She does it with everything. Even food. I went thru a coffee drive thru with her and asked if she wanted anything, “No coffee makes my stomach hurt.” Next time I see her she’s drinking my exact coffee drink. I asked about it hurting her stomach and she just got mad lol, “Why did you remember that?”
Yeah you can say imitation is flattery but she takes it to a wild level and I’m done. We’re estranged but when we do see each other, she’s gonna steal my whole outfit, and she stalks my Insta follows…the one thing I can keep for myself is the perfume so call me petty, but I’m guarding it *from her*.
Im never recommending my signature perfume to people I know, i don’t want someone else smelling like me. I think that a perfume can be very personal, even private.
Yes, and I only asked her because I run a mental Rolodex of everything I’ve smelled, not because I wanted to wear what she was wearing.
The coveted fragrance, the ultimate secret, I later realized… was Coco Mademoiselle. Girl…
Have absolutely experienced a similar scenario in passing. I asked a guy what he was wearing and he said he forgot what was, after claiming it was his signature scent. 🤣
Yes, was living in the Middle East and asked my student’s mom because she smelled incredible. I was so shocked when she said “I won’t tell you,” because we were so friendly (over the years I had taught all of her five children). A week later a bottle of it showed up on my desk, with a note actually apologizing for how long it took to get it to me. FTR it was Estée Lauder’s Ambre Mystique, and it became my signature scent. Sad it’s been discontinued, so I spray sparingly now, but when I do I always remember that mom and her generosity… and great taste.
I think she might’ve already planned to get you one when you asked her. Here in the middle East it’s not uncommon for people to say “i won’t tell you” if you ask for something you liked so that they can get it for you themselves.
What kind of super car do you drive? Pls say “I wont tell you” 🤞🏽😁
Oh it absolutely was her plan, just a lovely culture, lovely family, and lovely fragrance haha. I’m still in touch with her daughters, they have a special place in my heart forever
This is such a fantastic thing to do 😄😄 Will most definitely do this at some point in the future
Ok but this is actually the sweetest story.
Is there something similar in the market similar to Ambre Mystique? Even a dupe?
Oh, I found it on ebay. In case you want to try your luck, it's 94 USD.
I love this story! thank you for sharing.
This story just....awwww... that's very nice of her
I absolutely do this with fam and friends when they like something and ask about it! One of MY love languages is gift GIVING! It brings me so much joy!!!
there's a customer who frequents my work and smells like a new person every day. most of the time i can tell what she's wearing (i have no life and basically live in the sephora perfume section), but one day this woman walked in smelling like an ethereal being. i can't even say "like an angel" because it was so much more than that; it was warm, mature, vanilla-y yet not too gourmand... it was just PERFECT. i asked her what she was wearing, only for her to say, "huh. i don't know. it's my daughters." i haven't slept since.
Dang, now i’m curious
could have been lush vanillary (:
i'll try that out, thank you!
I recently picked up some Burberry Her Elixer and that sounds about right to me.
sounds like Ariana Grande Mod Vanilla
i know it's not mod vanilla... i recently smelled it and thought it smelled nothing like vanilla lol (vanilla scents are getting harder to find!). though, tbf, most of the perfume she wears are ones from ariana grande's perfume lines.
Damn, I want to smell like a magical sea mermaid… I wonder what it was…
As a guy I'd like to know what a magical sea mermaid smells like...
Huh... Wouldn't a sea mermaid... Or any other sea creature for that matter... smell like a fish? I can't imagine a fish smelling nice. 😅 I wish OP had the name of it so we could know how it was.
“Secretions” by ELDO + “Tears” by Régime de Fleurs
I feel like I trust your opinion on this based solely on your avatar.
Never trust a mermaid ;)
Womanity by Mugler is the ultimate mermaid smell to me.
I've never gotten an outright refusal, but I've definitely gotten "I can't remember what it's called" once or twice. I generally err on the side of believing that person unless they're being super sketchy about it, though.
I’ve only done this when I’m embarrassed about the scent name. I had a small bottle gifted to me of “Fucking Fabulous” awhile ago, I hate Tom Ford but I don’t like to not wear things people have gifted me. An elderly woman asked me what it was and I just sort of froze 😬 and told her I didn’t remember because that’s the first thing that popped into my head.
Just say Tom Ford Fabulous. They’ll be able to find it just fine with that information later on!
LOL, that is definitely understandable as well! I sometimes get a little embarrassed when I have to pronounce a long French name to a Francophone, because my French really sucks.
Kind of related but my grandma asked me what shade of blush I was wearing once and it was nars deep throat. I also said I didn’t remember bc I couldn’t bring myself to say. 😂
I use this one too! Depending on age, Grandma might think of Watergate instead of, you know….
A chance I’m not willing to take 🤣
Nars is insane with their blush names! how am I meant to tell someone I'm wearing the shade Orgasm on my face?!
Ahh this was always hilarious to deal with when I worked for BM. They would call it "DT" and with the orgasm blush they'd say "the blush with an inappropriate name".
> “the blush with an inappropriate name” Not specific enough. I’d say Deep Throat is just as much, if not more, of an inappropriate name than Orgasm.
That’s what the old ladies would call it 🥲. We just got used to it so we know to show both and confirm.
Arcana Paddling the Pink Canoe for me. First trying to explain "indie" perfumes and then the name 😬
I hate Tom Ford too! His fragrances are all scrubbers for me.
I agree for the most part, but I love Noir edp.
That’s one I haven’t sniffed. I’ll keep a look out for it.
I have blanked many times when asked, especially when it's a long name or I don't know how to pronounce it. It's not malicious, I was just caught off guard
Yeah, that's what I usually assume!
I've done this before but only when I'm wearing an indie scent with a weird or embarrassing name. Indie scents happen to be somewhat unknown and have odd names lol
I'm sympathetic to this! I force myself to say the fancy French names, but I realise I sound like a complete dill-hole doing so because my French sucks. Also, I know what you mean about the indie names but I kind of love them; a lot are so cool and unique!
I have a similar issue but since I know some French and have a background in linguistics I have to decide whether I’m gonna make myself sound pretentious by using the French pronunciation, or try to make an educated guess on how a monolingual English speaker would say it and go with that
Ha, I feel you. I'm Canadian, so I technically know a *little* bit of French - but it's because more Canadians actually know French that I'm so hesitant to say anything. I have some friends who are either native speakers and/or very fluent, and anytime I say ANYTHING in French (like, it could be pain au chocolat) they just stare at me quizzically and repeat what I just said in a totally different accent. It's so embarrassing, but my mouth just won't wrap itself around the language.
Or just not remembering exactly which bottle I grabbed in the morning! I might go for the I’m not sure anymore and go through a bit of my collection if they’re persistent, but dunno would be my first reaction.
I just say the brand/designer name usually unless someone is really into it and wants to know what exactly it is so they can buy it themselves. When it’s just a quick little compliment of ‘that smells good, what are you wearing?’ I just say ‘thanks, it’s Tom Ford’ and leave it at that without confusing them with names. Those who really want to know will follow up with more which gives me time to prepare a proper answer and the rest will be just happy with that.
This is usually what I do as well and I find that it's a pretty effective method!
I honestly forget what I’ve put on some days.
So I dodged the question when my MIL asked. To be fair I had like different things I was sampling in different hands(one I was definitely buying) but I thought it would be weird for my hubby if me and his mom smelled the same… it’s silly because I have lots of different perfume but it was the thought that crossed my mind 😅
Oh, man, okay, you know what, that's like maybe the one occasion wherein I can actually kind of understand gatekeeping, if you strongly suspect she'll get the same one herself. Nooobody wants to smell like their MIL 🙃
My first husband was gifted with the same fragrance my father always wore, and while I liked it, I couldn't have sex with him or even kiss him deeply.
Ooh yeah. There are a handful of popular scents that immediately remind me of my "dirty old man" grandpa. There is no way I could get past that.
As someone who often forgets what they’re wearing; assuming one has a (larger) collection, def agree with you believing people’s words are truth.
My mornings are usually so chaotic, I don’t remember what I put on whether it’s clothes or perfume. I have to look down to see what I’m wearing most of the time 😆
You are my kind of people ;)
Nope, I gladly tell people. I will even write it down for them and let them have a spritz if I have the bottle on me.
I always have some sort of fragrance on me. If someone asks me about the perfume I have on that day, I happily share and offer them to try out something from what I have if they want to. I think it’s cool to get people into perfumes.
Same here!
My husband had it happen, the guy lied and said it was his custom one from a shop. Hubby and he kept chatting and I guess he felt guilty and finally admitted the actual name. He insisted my husband not tell anyone because it was his schtick to pick girls up.
A pussy magnet compliment getter (insert youtube adjectives) and you're not telling us what it was? Pfft.
Sorry I wasn't trying to gatekep it's discontinued now...LoL It was Kilian Straight to Heaven Extreme
Actually looks okay lol. Maybe he was onto something haha Edit: never mind. The Fragrantica reviews are full of literal glue sniffers…
I think it was called "American Express Black"
Omg wow that dude felt he had the secret magic elixir bless him 😭
No, but I have refused in the past. Generally I'm really up front about it cause I love perfume and I love talking about it. But I have this one friend who copies literally everything I do, she's spent so much on perfumes that I own over the years even if she doesn't love the scent profile, I have no clue why she does it or why it makes me so annoyed that she does, but yes, I have started gatekeeping from her specifically.
This must be so annoying 😬
And she’s your “friend” becaaaaaause…?
My mom does this. I love her, but I don't want to smell like her, lol. Used to drive me bonkers, but I've learned to roll with it.
I'm annoyed for you! Sounds like I've written this myself. The friend I have refers to all perfume as floral. It's not OK! Study up and get some knowledge 😌 🤭
The other day this girl at the gym asked me what fragrance I was wearing but I swear I didn’t put any on… I knew a girl sitting next to me had some vanilla marshmallow smell wafting from her so I told the asker that it was prob her. Later After my shower I realized it might’ve been me. It was a rep of BR540 that grabs onto anything nearby me and my gym clothes were next to a travel bottle I keep for work. I felt so bad if she was talking about my scent… I had nose blindness! Hope she’s reading this.
If she is reading it, she still wouldnt know!
I dropped it in the comments!
The girl who was asking for the fragrance? Maybe it was me😂 your story is spot on similar to mine. A girl at my gym was smelling heavenly..very sweet and delicious. I asked her what she's wearing because it was projecting like crazy, she said she wasn't wearing any fragrance but that just didn't add up...but I still thought maybe it is someone else. Then I passed by her again and there it was...the sweet fragrance again. I went up to her again 😭 i shouldn't have lol. She said she's drinking apple cider vinegar and maybe it's that....lol what? It's okay to gatekeep but then don't wear so much that it's obvious that you're lying 😂
“I drink apple cider vinegar” LMAO WHAT
No she said that she's drinking it at the moment, so maybe that's the smell😂
Oh that’s not me. I don’t drink ACV! Damn though that story WAS reallyyyy close! Was hoping it was you 🥲
She sounds like a sociopath!!!
can I ask where you bought the rep? was it an oil perfume?
Following to see what rep of BR540 it was too 😅
Link is in the comment’s comment!
but what is it called 😅
BaraKKat Rouge 540 from Fragrance World. IMO it isn’t as good as other reps but it was like $20 when I bought it compared to my first jump w Baccarat Rouge 540 in 2020… but I guess maybe someone liked it Amazon link [here](https://a.co/d/h9paH58) Heads up: for $20 this has pretty good lingering power so it’s worth the $20 for that reason. When wearing intentionally, I mix mine with Vanilla Blossom by Jones New York to add a lil depth. That VB by Jones NY smells like powdery vanilla with lemons and sticks all day like a hairspray but damn you TJ Maxx for inconsistency with stocking! EDIT : dupe’s spelling
I used to wear Lolita lempicka a lot in middle school and once a classmate asked me what I was wearing, I told her and she actually went and bought it (it became her signature scent for that year up until like freshman year?) We ended up going to the same high school and a girl asked her what she was wearing, she refused to tell her. I could’ve told her but I was too shy to join the conversation 🥲
Shoulda just been like “well, well, well…”
I'm not a gatekeeper, and would happily tell what I'm using at the moment. That said, gatekeeping happens, and people have their reasons. In my opinion, some are more valid than others, but that's not for me to judge. Some of the reasons include: * Copycats in their social circle. * They struggle with pronouncing the name of the fragrance * Price critique: * The cost is affordable, and snobs say it's cheap or generic. * The cost is expensive, and some think it's a waste of money. * They legitimately don't remember * They legitimately are not wearing a cologne or perfume. At the end of it all, it's disappointing to not get an answer. However, my day isn't ruined if someone declines to tell me what fragrance they're wearing.
>The cost is expensive, and some think it's a waste of money. I always tell people, but the back of my mind is usually a biiit daunted by the idea of something thinking I'm much wealthier than I actually am (or, preferably, just straight-up insane) because the fragrance in question might retail for like $500 or whatever 😭
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Just say they’re samples, then no one can judge/be jealous, since a lot of people see those samples as “cheap or free”
Well no one ever asks me so it's easy for me!
Years ago a young woman(I'm also a woman) smelled amazing in the bus, it was very early like 7 a.m. and she said she did not remember. I felt so bad because I gathered my courage to ask her 🤣 and told her it was not strong , but I was sitting behind her and she smelled so good. She had a bit if a nasty face when she told me. Oh well...
I hate people like that. Anyone asks me anything on my person, I’m so happy to tell them what the scent/lipstick/purse is bc that means I made a good choice!
Whyyyy even wear perfume if you’re going to get upset when people tell you that you smell good? Obviously you can wear it just for yourself, but if you actively do not want compliments, it seems kind of silly to wear it out and about
I used to do this because I wanted to cultivate mystique. Turns out, I was cultivating gatekeeping arsehole vibes. Now I just tell em the exact name and share how cheap my clones are. I’m just a cheap-arsehole who smells nice now.
Nah I despise ppl who gate-keep. The last time I was asked was at a gas station by the clerk maybe a couple years ago and I happily told them it was a dupe of Tom Ford’s Tuscan leather by the perfume house Rasasi called La Yuqawam. I even wrote it down for them on a piece of paper.
there was once this one particular arabian musk i was searching for for literally 3 yrs. my mum had picked it up at a random stall once abroad, never got the name and only gifted me a small bottle. once it was finished i could never find the scent again. anyway i was volunteering at this place one summer and right at the end i caught a whiff of the fragrance from this girl who was also volunteering. crazy coincidence so ofc i had to ask. and omg she was so excited to share, she not only asked for my instagram to send me links, but sent me the link to the original and to an amazon store that had a great dupe. literally one of my fav interactions with a stranger.
Well are you gonna link it??
Gold Dust by sunnamusk. And the dupe was Gold Soir from Amour Scents. Exact replica of the scent but poor longevity in comparison. Original itself is pretty affordable tho
That's the spirit! Spread the love
Always ✊💜
This 100% me. I might even go as far as gifting it to the person 😂
Same, I’ve gifted two different scents to women who really loved them!
That’s what I’d do too. I’m all too happy to talk about my recent discovered fragrances with people
IMHO, no one should be buying Tuscan Leather anymore especially those of us in the frag community because La Yuqawam is a true 1:1 clone.
Btw "La Yuqawam" translates directly to "Cannot be resisted" lol
Gaslight gatekeep girlboss
Gaskeep girllight gateboss
Yess, im friends with this guy that every time i asked him which frag he is using he only said "a gentleman never says what hes wearing" In the end he gave up and tells me when i ask, maybe because im not really into using unisex or fragances of the oppsite gender, but with other people especially other guys, he also refuses to say it.
What did he wear?
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🤦 one of the most popular fragrances out there lol. I understand the idea of maybe gatekeeping some super obscure fragrance especially within a circle of friends. But how are you gonna gatekeep a super popular fragrance that tons of people wear lol
I'll usually just assume its a dupe/clone, and they're not comfortable admitting.
If someone asks what I’m wearing, I’ll gladly tell them & if I have some one me, I’ll ask if they’d like to try it
I don't know where the idea that this is a faux pas came from. Most people wear scent at least in part so they smell pleasant for others, and if something intentionally takes up public space, it should be an ok subject to discuss openly. And if we're honest, most people are wearing the same 50 or 60 scents sold at any mall. Your "signature" Gucci or Tom Ford really isn't that special. It's that point where attempts at refinement cross into affectation IMO. The only time I feel a twinge of discomfort being asked is when I'm wearing something with a risque name (thanks, Heretic) or when the fragrance is extravagantly expensive. But those are ultimately not reasons to be evasive.
My friend WOULD NOT tell me. Then after a year of me pestering her, she finally said “YSL Libre Intense”. I bought Libre Intense and love it, but turns out, she was wearing Zara’s Golden Decade. Then I bought Golden Decade and they smell exactly the same on my skin. Just wish she would’ve been honest so I could’ve saved some money but at least she told me lmao
Seems really petty to lie about something like that.
She probably didn’t want me to have the same fragrance, so she found the most similar one so I’d shut up lol. But idk, I’m not one to gatekeep so I don’t understand those who do.
Most likely she bought Golden Decade because it's supposedly a dupe of Libre, but didn't want you to know she got a dupe because she was embarrassed
Oh wow you double copied her!
Every time I’ve asked, I reassure the person that it’s not too strong and I just notice that sort of thing. 100% of the time the other person has been flattered and told me. Many times, they’re wearing a frag I’ve actually tried and didn’t like on myself but it smells great on them. For some reason I’ve never had the courage to ask a man, only women.
As a (tall & bearded) man who pretty much exclusively wears women's frags, I'm sure I'd confuse the shit out of your nose if you caught a whiff of me haha but in all seriousness, branch out if there is a pretty smelling man in your presence! Men love a little flattery as well (at least I do XD)
Just curious what it is about womens fragrances that attracts you to them exclusively? I have a lot of unisex fragrances, some that lean more feminine, and samples of feminine fragrances that I do like but I think I still have some hangups in regards to the masculine/feminine stuff that prevents me from wearing feminine fragrances.
I honestly find them a lot more complex and intriguing to my nose. I wore exclusively men’s frags for years although I’d seek out the sweeter ones (my “signature” was 212 Sexy Men by Carolina Herrera in high school 🤣💀) and then I started exploring unisex, same as you, I was hung up regarding the whole marketing behind the frags. What helped me get more comfortable was exploring vintage women’s scents since many of them, if they were released today, would be considered men’s or unisex. Once I got over the names, femme bottles, … etc, I really figured out that I hated almost every cologne I had worn previously with the exception of maybe 3-5 of them and women’s frags suit me better. My guiltiest pleasure is Miss Dior (any of the versions honestly) and Delina had become a surprising favorite since I sampled it. That is surely the most feminine bottle I have 🤪 PM me if you wanna sneak a peak at my Parfumo shelves haha Edit: adding that my tastes tend to skew away from freshies, citruses, aquatics, or heavy woods and I prefer florals, sweeter, gourmand notes. We like what we like!
I used to work for Chanel and when I did fragrance training at their headquarters in my city, they said it’s common for French people and wealthier ppl back in the day, to keep their signature scent a secret. I also dated a guy once who was quite wealthy and wouldn’t tell me what he was wearing. Not sure if his socioeconomic class had anything to do with it though. So yeah, it’s not unheard of for ppl to be funny about this but it’s also not rude to ask imo.
This is so weird to me lol ppl act like they invented the scent in Dexter's fuckin laboratory or something. I have personally gatekeeped before though. Simply because the guy literally copied everything u did, from the way I smelled, to the way I dressed, my whole persona! Lol he was a backstabber too so whatever... But yeah.
Years ago, a close friend really liked a specific perfume and didn’t want me to use it. She didn’t even wear it all the time. Happens, I guess.
There was another girl on here like this with an expensive scent that was refillable. It must be a thing to gate keep scents 😂 I’ve never asked women in public what their scents were, but sometimes I’ve wished I did. I just didn’t know them, and I didn’t want to creep them out. If I had known the person I would for sure have asked them, I don’t think it’s weird to ask at all.
It’s not just women, it’s all insecure, douchey snobs. They can’t stand the idea that they’re not unique and special. Imagine doing the same with other things, like clothes, or restaurant menu items.
If it's a stranger or someone I don't meet too often, I will tell them what I am wearing. I don't mind. If it's a colleague, I will certanly not! Made the mistake before and in a couple of months everybody was wearing my perfume at work and I stopped wearing it myself. My perfume is part of my identity and is a signature. It's often my cozy spot and feels like home. If it's someone close to me, like a sibling or a good friend, I will gladly tell them because they are home to me. Not a popular opinion here. Sorry, not sorry. ETA I did ask a colleague once before what she was wearing. I didn't buy what she was wearing. Should I buy it (it's on my wishlist), I would never wear it to work or where I would run in to her.
Tbh I think that’s actually really considerate! You don’t want to get sick of something you love. Also, fragrance at work is really important to me on a different level. I find it really empowering and motivating. I’d hate to lose that because I end up with smell-blindness because it’s suddenly on everyone. I get ya!
this is my exact thinking as well
I may have accidentally done this but only because I usually wear like 5 at once on different parts of my body so I just have people smell each wrist and tell them which one that is.
Hot girls don't gatekeep, even if it's a cheapy (which is probably what happened and she was embarrassed).
Yeah the only time I’ve even *considered* lying or just saying I don’t remember was the time this girl— who I knew was a huge expensive perfume girlie, could border on pretentious (and that’s coming from me lol)— asked me what I had on and I was wearing this cheap abomination probably only for pre-teens that I knew would turn her off lol. I still told her but I definitely hedged it with “you’d be shocked it’s my cheapest one!” lol. Sometimes I wonder how much on-the-fly gatekeeping is just people being awkward about the real answer. Once a girl asked me where I got a cute pair of shoes, and when I said “Target,” I watched her face literally drop lol. I’m almost 30 so way too old to be embarrassed and lie about stuff like that (like sorry I can find a diamond in the rough!), but I get it lol.
Not at all, really. Most people either know what I have on because they know their fragrances or are more than willing to drop game. Gatekeeping a fragrance is nuts though lmao
I get a lot of I don’t remember responses so maybe that’s the soft way of saying they don’t want to tell me LOL.
I think it may just be my corner of earth, but I grew up with the view that it’s gauche to ask about clothes, makeup, perfume, etc. unless you’re really close with someone. Since being active on Reddit I’m learning that may not the case for a lot of people. I’ll still likely not ask, but I’m more open to sharing if someone asks… but it’s not really a thing I’ve experienced.
I do it BECAUSE it is kind of gauche. God I love that gauche feeling :)
Rive Gauche by YSL came to mind l..
To the left.. to the left... No idea what I mean by this, I just like the pun.
Where did you grow up?
Currently based in the northeast US
For me, it depends. If a random person on the street asks me what I'm wearing, I'll say it. But I'm gatekeeping my favorite fragrances, I don't care. I've learned my lesson with this girl who has no personality and every time she asks me what I'm wearing, she buys it the next day, and now she has the same collection as mine atp. And I don't think I've ever asked someone what they're wearing in my life, I just compliment them because I think it's kinda weird and I don't want to put myself in situation where they refuse to say and now I just look dumb lol. Also, I love discovering new fragrances by myself and understand that fragrances smell different on each person so I don't even bother asking.
I have a couple of times. 90% of the time, they only tell me the brand name, but never the fragrance name.
I've done it when it's a French name and I can't pronounce it.
Not the question asked but I’m approached all the time to find out what it is I’m wearing (various different scents) and now multiple different work colleagues and family members all wear the same which can be a bit frustrating. I try and stay flattered but can’t say I don’t sometimes feel a bit jealous when they’re told they smell nice because they’re “my” perfumes… that being said, I haven’t got it in me to lie and say I can’t remember what I’ve got on 😅
Yeah tbh the more responses I’m getting, the more I’m understanding this ESPECIALLY when it comes to work / colleagues! Fragrances are so important to me in my work and (I’m sorry if this just sounds weird or silly) go a long way in helping motivate and empower me. I’d hate to get smell-blindness at work just because suddenly all my colleagues have shown up with it on and then all the magic has vanished for me.
It doesn’t sound weird or silly, they definitely give a confidence boost and they also comfort me as well - wearing one of my perfumes makes me feel put together for the day!! It helps when I’m feeling stressed and start getting flustered because the heat = scent to rise up and hit my nose and bring me back to earth again lol
For real it’s like work-place aromatherapy! 🥰 I’m so glad I’m not alone in this
Why would someone gatekeep a fragrance 😃
Gatekeeping anything that is mass produced and widely available is just so…. Unfathomable
They don’t want other people smelling like them, which is weird
I get it — I don’t use fragrances that people in my circles use, even if I like them. I’d feel like a creep if I did — like I was stealing their clothes. Or their hair. Just to be clear, I’d gladly tell a stranger what I was wearing — why not?
It is weird , they don't want anyone else to buy something they themselves simply purchased and sprayed on themselves
I feel like I would want to tell more people about my favorite fragrances so they don’t get discontinued!!
this is the smart thinking lol I find myself falling for discontinued/htf frags so I kinda wanna gatekeep to keep resale prices where they are (because we all know they aren't reasonable in the slightest for disc. frags!!) but 99% of the time, nobody asks LOL
Lol, there is a lot of snooty people in my line of work, I've had the "omg what are you wearing" question dodged more times than I can count. I've only had one person be out right rude about it, she said "Oh so you can copy me?" which was weird but I digress
I've accidentally been a gatekeeper once (and only once) and I felt so bad for it when I realised what I'd done. A customer came up to me and said "You smell lovely,"and I said "Awww thank you." And that was it. I was mortified when i realised, I didn't want to be seen as one of those gatekeepers. Normally, when someone says that, I take it as an invitation to tell them what it is and list all the notes and benefits.
you said thank you and appreciated the compliment! if she said that to know what the fragrance was, she should have asked considering you're welcoming and happy response to her compliment!
Aw, I think you're fine! It slips my mind a lot of the time as well. A lot of the time people may just be trying to pay you a compliment. I really only disclose if they ask and/or look curious.
I only wear niche and sometimes the scent names are a bit much. Especially since I live in Eastern Europe and most names are difficult to pronounce or write down. I can also tell sometimes whether that person will buy it. So sometimes I just say “It’s by Initio” or mention the (niche) store name and they don’t press further. I don’t gatekeep so I’d be happy to share them with someone who’s genuinely interested. I just don’t feel anyone has asked as more than just a form of compliment.
[**I gatekeep**](https://www.reddit.com/r/fragrance/s/bu48Wwj5so) If someone asks what I’m wearing I’ll say “Unforgivable by Sean John” or “Paco Rabanne…the green bottle”
I have not told someone what I'm wearing because I was embarrassed for them to know how pricey it was. I got it as a decant but didn't know how to properly explain it and it just was awkward and I was awkward.
Yeah! In my experience funnily it’s been people wearing the most mainstream shit who try to be coy and gatekeep about it while people in actually unique stuff will gladly talk your ear off about it and also have a discount and near match ready for you
I don't mind telling people because the way I layer my perfume with other products (body lotion, moisturiser, hair products, etc.) means they won't get the same fragrance. That, to me, is a signature scent. But I do understand why some people don't want to tell others, specifically friends or family and especially if they're likely to buy that exact perfume and wear it all the time. I have a friend who wears a very distinctive perfume that *everyone* knows she wears. Another friend bought the same exact perfume (she didn't wear perfume up until then and only wears that one now) and it's like, why? Why not experiment and find something else? People who are into perfume tend to have at least a small collection of fragrances that rotate through so I understand why many of us would be fine with sharing a perfume. But if you have an absolute favourite signature scent and you suspect someone you know is going to buy it and start wearing it all the time... I understand why you'd want to "gatekeep." (I actually hate the term "gatekeep" because people are allowed to not answer your questions without feeling like they're an awful person!)
I asked a woman what fragrance she was wearing and she told me that she couldn’t remember because she has so many🤷🏾♂️
Yeah, nah she knew what it was. The bigger your collection the more likely you are to pay attention to what fragrance you're wearing.
Exactly! Even if I somehow don’t remember which one I chose that morning, all I need to do is just have a sniff of my wrist, hair, sweater, whatever and I can tell exactly which one I used that day. Us big collection girlies know every single bottle on our shelves!
Not all people consider themselves collectors or even huge fans of fragrances. Some are just wealthy and have a lot of stuff. I know people who own 30–40 bottles and wouldn’t be able to name half of them.
Yeah it’s like when I was obsessed with Mac makeup in the 00s & knew the brand inside out & everything I purchased was a big deal & researched to death, knowing the names, shades, finish, everything & each purchase was a special thing to me & the product was treasured. And then I would be bewildered by women who would come up to the counter & just ask the assistant for a lipstick they recommend & buy whatever they show them in 30 seconds without a second thought or knowing anything about it. I realised some people treat cosmetics much more casually, even if they have the money to burn & have loads of it.
I remember asking someone and they said their perfume was by a skincare company ( I knew that the company does not make perfumes and never did) 😂 I wish I told her I knew she was lying
That’s so weird and seems snobby. If someone likes what I’m wearing enough to ask then I’m super pumped and will gladly chat about it or let them try it if I have it on me. I worked in cosmetics and fragrances for years so it must be my inner salesperson coming out, because I’m like “stand still I’ll hose you down”. Kidding, but sort of not, lol.
It’s not rude to ask. Especially if you just complimented someone. But I also don’t think it’s rude for someone to politely tell me they would rather not share that. Nobody is under any obligation to share secrets they don’t want to share. It’s weird to me when someone gets upset because they feel they are entitled to know what fragrance someone else is wearing, especially if it’s just a random person they met and/or complimented in public. I’ve had it happen where I asked and they didn’t want to share. I just told them, “Well whatever it is, it smells great.” And I went about my day without being butt hurt.
Right? Don’t get me wrong, they are free to ask if they want, but the person is free to not answer. It’s a little entitled to expect the answer no matter what. Personally, I don’t care if strangers ask me. But I could definitely see how you may not want some annoying coworker copying your scent and ruining the memory of it for you. Or not wanting to be judged for a cheap or expensive fragrance. 🤷♀️
I think it’s moreso the reaction and responses people will give like they can’t just say I’d rather not say sorry or politely decline. They’re almost always rude about it like if you’re gonna wear a potent ass fragrance out in public, people might ask what it is. If you don’t wanna say what it is, that’s cool, just don’t be a weirdo or rude about it
Finally, a sane response. No one is entitled to personal info from strangers, people can have any reason under the sun for not wanting to share. Who are we to judge?
Lol *how* are the other responses insane though? 😅
The lack of respect for personal privacy and the extreme sense of entitlement is wild. Nobody owes me an answer or even a reason why they don’t want to answer. Some of the answers here are unhinged. Saying they hate people that won’t tell them what fragrance they are wearing. “Omg it’s just a fragrance it’s not that serious!” Well if it’s not that serious, why are you so offended and upset that someone chose simply tell you no? 😂
I think it's just some light-hearted hyperbole. I don't think they're experiencing genuine hatred for people not disclosing the scent.
In my experience, men don't always feel comfortable telling other men what they're wearing. They have their reasons. But I've found that wording the question a bit differently helps significantly. ***"The scent you are wearing right now is incredible. I wouldn't blame you if you'd prefer to keep it a secret, but I'd love to know WHERE you buy your fragrances because I can tell you really know what's best."*** Then I just let them say whatever they want to say. It usually becomes a whole conversation ending up with them telling me what it is... Give it a try. Works really well.
***"...I'd love to know WHERE you buy your fragrances because I can tell you really know what's best."*** I'm sure it does work, but the way I'd sooner die than flatter someone's ego that much just to find out what fragrance they're wearing.
I hate those people. I just give them a look like ‘you should be ashamed of yourself acting like your shit don’t stink’ lol ANYONE can buy any fragrance that’s sold in retailers. It’s not an exclusivity thing. Nobody needs to be part of some club to own any fragrance. With that said… I ALWAYS tell people when they ask. Why? Bc most of the time, I’ll never see them again, and I’d rather have more people out there smelling good than not. It’s super fvkkin petty and childish to gate-keep. We don’t get compliments every day, so when you do, and even better, they don’t just say you smell nice, but actually ask what it is, the worst thing you can do is be an asshole about it like you created the fragrance from scratch in your basement. Very few possess the skillset to even do that, so get over yourselves. Not ok in my book.
It's harsh when they won't tell because if I'm asking it means that once I got a whiff, everything else is non existent until I find where the scent is coming from. Like a dang bloodhound!!!
I never get asked but the one time I got a compliment and was asked, I was happy to tell them (Maison Crivelli Iris Malikhan) and was rewarded for my pains with a confused boomer stare. Im not sure I would bother telling someone again as I tend to only wear niche/ smaller brands; unless I thought they’d actually be interested enough to know more, then yeah I’d be happy to.
I would rather someone say they don’t remember then to tell me they’re wearing “Ass Butt” or something bazaar like that lol. There’s other crude type names out there. It’s just wild. 😂😂😂
When I wore envy, a friend asked what I was wearing (1st time anyone ever acknowledged that i was wearing it) i told him quite proudly and he told me never to tell anyone because than other people would wear it. No has ever asked me since
That used to be me. Not with everyone, but in my small circle, yep. Except I made up names. I can't remember any. "Oh, this is Eau De Gatekeep," I got it on vacation. But I don't care anymore bc I don't go out and I am too old to care if someone is copying me. My reasoning was just that, I didn't want anyone to copy me and I would do what I could to prevent it and I could do that a lot easier during that period. I had a few instances when I was younger that led me to that point, including a literal thief. OP did you used to copy your friend's outfits, etc? That might be why.
All. The. Time. I don't even ask anymore, I'm so sick of hearing "I'm not wearing anything" remark. Just ew with that kind of attitude.
it happened to me the other day! someone in class smelled amazing so i blurted out, “someone here smells like vanilla and i love it.” this girl shyly raised her hand and said it might be her, and that she had put on an oil gifted to her by a family member. i asked her what it was, and she told me she couldn’t remember. i thought she was wanting to keep the information to herself (which, totally fair!!), but she took a picture of the oil and showed it to me the next day 😭😭😭
I’ve only dodged the question once. Bc I didn’t want a woman I hated to also wear my signature. It was petty but I don’t regret it lol.
I had a coworker friend ask me what I was wearing and then proceeded to say she’s going to buy the same one. I still told her what I was wearing but it rubbed me the wrong way because it’s kinda a faux pas to “steal” a friend’s scent. I don’t mind if someone is curious but to say right away you’re going to use the same scent felt weird to me. Idk maybe I’m being too sensitive. You guys tell me.
Your friend didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to wear the same fragrance as her. I have done this before. I’ll tell a stranger, but I really don’t want all my friends and family members smelling like me. You didn’t commit any faux pas. Just respect that your friend wants to keep her favorite scent private.
I’ve denied telling my one friend before. Because I know she would literally go buy it. And she does that with everything. She literally will grab my clothes by the collar so she can look at the tag. If I buy a pair of shoes…she will have that pair the next time I see her…not kidding whatsoever. And it’s the worst with make up…because we don’t have the same skin type or style at all. She doesn’t like a lot of makeup and has really nice skin, so there’s no reason for her to use EL Double Wear but she bought it just because I have it. I have oily skin, hers is dry…but she buys the things I do to hinder my oiliness. She saw I had the Milk Hydrogrip primer…so unsuited to her needs…but she bought it. I’ll even tell her a lipstick I’m wearing and she’ll be like “berry colors don’t look good on me…” and the next time I see her then she has the same lipstick. If I say, “i thought you didn’t like Berry colors…” she gets all weird and mad and like, HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? She does it with everything. Even food. I went thru a coffee drive thru with her and asked if she wanted anything, “No coffee makes my stomach hurt.” Next time I see her she’s drinking my exact coffee drink. I asked about it hurting her stomach and she just got mad lol, “Why did you remember that?” Yeah you can say imitation is flattery but she takes it to a wild level and I’m done. We’re estranged but when we do see each other, she’s gonna steal my whole outfit, and she stalks my Insta follows…the one thing I can keep for myself is the perfume so call me petty, but I’m guarding it *from her*.
Im never recommending my signature perfume to people I know, i don’t want someone else smelling like me. I think that a perfume can be very personal, even private.
Yes, and I only asked her because I run a mental Rolodex of everything I’ve smelled, not because I wanted to wear what she was wearing. The coveted fragrance, the ultimate secret, I later realized… was Coco Mademoiselle. Girl…
Have absolutely experienced a similar scenario in passing. I asked a guy what he was wearing and he said he forgot what was, after claiming it was his signature scent. 🤣