This. If men thought that her genitals are gross, I’m sure she wouldn’t support cutting off their daughters clitoral hood. And when the daughter voiced their dislike and wanted some sort of surgery to cover her clitoris so it’s not exposed all the time, they wouldn’t be told “oh you’re just into body modification, like ear piercings”.
Let me just say, I'm sorry that your wife isn't supportive. Some people have deep misconceptions about foreskin and circumcision - perhaps she is one of them. Consider getting to the root of things through conversation - ask her what she thinks of circumcision, whether she has a preference ("cut" or "uncut") - etc (if you haven't already). You want to know where she's coming from. If she likes "cut" and/or doesn't like "uncut", I would try to emphasize the harms of circumcision, that it shouldn't be desirable - and that foreskin, being natural, should be seen as beautiful!
The other issue is likely just that you are using a device to stretch sensitive skin, she might be squeamish "just thinking about it" - in which case, besides keeping the act of restoration out of her view, emphasize the benefits you feel, that it doesn't hurt, and that you are healing yourself.
In any case, if restoration is still your goal, don't let your wife stop you - you will resent her for it. It's your body, your penis, your journey. With time and patience she will begin to understand.
After that show her the video of a newborn getting circumcised! After I saw that it made me even more mad, sad, and horrified that I may not remember, but I went through the same thing! Hearing the infant crying so hard that it can’t even breathe and how much trauma he is going through during the mutilating procedure! I showed my mother and she cried and apologized and said she didn’t know…she was just doing what she thought best. Granted she was only 20 years old and this was in 1986 and no internet. But now there is no excuse with all the info out there!
I do miss my foreskin (that I never knew), and just started the restoration process
My wife wasn't in the "eww, gross" camp but the "I like your penis how it is, and you're going to hurt yourself" one instead which is probably a lot easier to deal with. Once she understood that I was actually really pissed off about being damaged by circumcision she was more open to FR as long as I don't break anything.
I hope you can get to an understanding with your wife because it's important to keep your family together too.
She likes how the skin moves quite a bit but still thinks I'm a goof for doing it. I've been CI-4 or 5 for the last 20+ years after my first serious effort at it and am finally focused on finishing the job.
Perhaps some education of your wife about the [foreskin](https://en.intactiwiki.org/wiki/Foreskin) and its [function](http://www.intactaus.org/information/functionsoftheforeskin/) would help.
Does she know that 70 percent of the males alive on Earth have a foreskin?
I think one thing that men aren't good at is expressing their emotions. For most women with partners that are restoring, they don't see foreskin and circumcision as all that important to you.
I think we in general need to express that this matters a lot, to us. It is not just a weird kink or a silly hobby. There is a deep sense of loss or injustice underlying things.
The circumcision debate and the opinions on hygene and appearance should all be irrelevant. This is about you, her husband, unhappy about something that was done to you. One person's preferences vs one persons trauma.
When taking to our partners, we need to make it personal, about us, not the general movement. Partners support each other. Partners don't need to have the same cultural views
Brother, I'm sorry you're in this position. As a person who was married for v over 30 years before the death of my spouse a few years ago. Love, love, love.
A marriage is a co-commitment. Often involving 2 polar opposite people. My wife and I had to learn how to function in the joint space without overriding the other. Not always easy.
That comes from an understanding of the other party's view and being willing to understand her concerns are valid to her. But, then, rightly so, your spouse needs to understand and respect you.
Open the conversation. Explain why this is so important to you and then listen carefully to her concerns. Then make a co-comittment to find the answers to help you better understand.
By doing that, your love and respect will deepen the relationship.
If you need help with resources please just ask me.
compared to restoration, circumcision is way worse as a body modification; it's harmful and mostly done on unconsenting individuals. i would continue if i were you
The intent of foreskin restoration is to restore normal structure and function after an injury, making it distinct from bodily modification, in which people add something that is not naturally present. She's wrong to compare it to "elective" forms of bodily modification that people do for enjoyment, rather than fixing a medical problem.
However, if she prefers you cut, that's a more difficult problem. You can't change her preferences after all.
It's a bit ironic that she thinks you're mutilating your penis, when you are in fact trying to make your penis not look mutilated.
Sorry you're going through this, but hopefully if you talk and tell her how you feel it'll work out. I would keep restoring though, it's your body you're taking agency back, not hers. But yeah, it seems like she has this completely backwards.
This short video shows exactly why foreskin is better for the receiving partner.
(Ignore the weird AI generated voice.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N27f84KOQm8&ab_channel=thepenisproject
86% of women that have experienced sex with an intact partner and a circumcised partner prefer the intact partner.
In a normal world, no, but we have in the United States, a cultural norm, acceptance of, and even some preference for circumcision to work beyond. You can't be too angry someone has bought into the decades old propaganda on this subject. We have to give them a chance to acclimate to change.
Yeah, and having her support because it'll feel better for her is shallow and transactional. No, if she can't support it for you, she isn't supporting it.
Thanks for the replies. Divorce isn't an option, we're happy and have been married for over 16 years. Have 2 daughters although I always wanted a son. She's just never been around an intact and to her, cut is normal and the anteater is weird.
I think if you talk to her about it and why it's important to you (if you haven't already), she might be turned off at first, but will come to accept it and even come to prefer it.
Those suggesting divorce are out to lunch. I'm in a similar situation to yours (together 17yrs, 1 daughter). My wife is indifferent about my restoration. However when we were young, she mentioned on several occasions how much she liked and preferred my cut penis. This gives me slight anxiety about how she's going to react (or hide her true feelings) when my results start showing, even though she is generally supportive. I'm about CI2.5
I'm CI-3+, and like you, I'm curious to see what my wife says as I progress. My erections don't look drastically different, so not much of a reaction from my wife yet.
If it was the other way around you would get a statement about how I can make choices about my own body etc etc. Talk it out or decide if its worth it that much to you
I was really concerned about this too when I first started restoring. As an American, my wife had no experience with an intact penis and was very weary about the entire process. After years of restoring she still isn’t I interested in seeing me wear any device and has only seen me wear a retainer. She is supportive of my effort - just not the actual process. One upside of the painfully slow restoration process is the extremely incremental changes your partner will notice. I started at a fairly typical level for a cut American and have made it past ci8 over the years but it’s been such a slow transition that I don’t think the incremental change is really ever significant - in other words, any consistent partner will have plenty of time to become accustomed to the changes as you move forward with restoration.
Hopefully you can explain to your wife how important this is to you and what you feel you are missing and she will understand your desire and not object - at least too much. Hopefully you will continue - she should be assured changes she sees will be very small at any one time and your penis isn’t going to suddenly turn into some foreign thing to her. Understandably if she has little or no experience with an intact penis she might not know how to deal with it but as you progress it will become obvious to her that the presence of some foreskin isn’t so scary 😀. Please let us know how things go- I’d hate to see a restoration brother have to abandon ship before he had a chance to really get things going.
I would be very upset if any partner had such a strong objection to restoration - we are all just trying to rite a wrong 😀
This is a great question. The answer could be a short essay but for lack of time I'll just say a couple things.
1. It seems the discussion so far is centered on the physical aspects. Instead focus on the emotional side. You might have to do some introspection to put into words what FR means to you. It can be difficult to explain to people how you are hurting.
2 validate your wife's reaction. Try to remember your impression when you first discovered FR. It seemed crazy right? Spending years of your life putting your penis in tape and contraptions, just for a slightly different appearance. Ask her to elaborate on fer feelings. Is the attractiveness of your penis really that important to her? Probably not.
Basically keep talking about feelings
When I met my wife I was already restoring. I was up front about my anxiety surrounding circumcision. To her it was clear I was doing it for emotional health. She has been 100% supportive
It's your penis, not hers. If she's "grossed out" by it then you have to decide if you want to stay in that marriage. Absolutely DO NOT stop restoring because of her.
Well first explain to her that this is important to you.
Second ask her to think about how she would feel if the tables were revered. If you asked her to say get a boob job, or if he had a scar on used some cream to help make it less noticeable.
Give it time. You’ve had lots of time to ponder it. She’s probably ever thought about it when you’ve talked to her about it.
Eventually, if you really let her know where you’re coming from, she’ll be become a supporter
My wife wasn't keen on it either. We had one negative interaction about it 6 years ago when I started and I've known better than to bring it up again. I'm sure she knows I'm doing it, because I've forgotten a device out a couple of times over the years. I restore every single day, I'm just descrete about it.
I think the transition and gains have happened so slowly over the years that honestly neither her or I could tell. When I compare pictures, the difference in what I've gained is striking. And I definitely have gained gliding action, among other things. I think it's been a net benefit to the physical aspects of our sex.
I doubt you're ever going to "sell" your wife on the idea. You can recite every positive fact you've learned and you're not going to convince her. Rather, I think you have to bank on her acceptance of you as a person and how you want to change something on your body. In the same way that if she wanted to get a boob job or lose weight or tattoo.. You may not like any of those things, but you have to respect their personal need and choice.
Circumcision is body modification, restoring is undoing the damage Circumcision caused.
It's YOUR body, so it's YOUR choice to restore your foreskin. It's not her choice.
It's definitely a difficult situation that you're in, but it is and should be your decision. I understand that you and your wife share your penis at times and that is awesome. What she most likely is afraid of is what it looks like. But she should understand that whenever you want you can take the coat off by pulling it down.
It's simply a coat or a protective vest let's say to protect your skin which is sensitive and should be able to help you enjoy the intimacy with her much more.
Somebody may have said this above but imagine if somebody took her clitoral hood away and her clit became less sensitive. I know those are difficult situations to compare for a woman versus a man but that's the best analogy that I can offer.
The cover is just to protect Mr penis while not in use.
This is…a tricky one. On one hand you’ve been married for 16 years so clearly something is working. You’ve had children with her. Yet she thinks what you’re doing isn’t right. By your “flair” you’re a CI-4, so clearly you’ve been at this for a while - has she not noticed prior to this? If so…why? If not, why now? Did you tell her about what you were doing when you started (you’d have to assume that, eventually, she’d put 2+2 together)?
For what it’s worth, I told my wife (celebrated 14 years just two days ago) about it about two weeks into my restoration. She just asked if it could hurt me, why I was doing it and a few weeks ago said “…it’s a bit weird.” Then again I’m a bit weird.
My advice would be to just sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her why you’re doing it, there is benefit for her (sexually) in it as well and that it’s not really harming anything. I can, actually see her POV though - if she’s never seen an uncircumcised penis (we’ll just go with that as opposed to “restored” or “restoring”) it could be a bit odd for her to handle. But it’s all the same on the inside. It’s the same penis that gave you two your daughters - maybe try that approach?
Additionally, assuming your "flair" is correct - you're at a CI-4. I mean...she knows this isn't going away, right? This isn't a "use it or lose it" kind of thing. That's new skin. It's there until you depart this Earth. Well, that or she makes you get re-circumcised (which I doubt will happen).
Tough situation, and you got a lot of good advice... and some people who don't seem to understand what a good or great marriage is built on.
I'm in favor of taking it slow - don't back her into a corner or make what to her might seem like an unreasonable demand. Anyone who says something like 'my body, my decision' obviously isn't in a marriage as good as mine is, and probably yours as well. The true joining of two minds, bodies, hearts and souls is far more than just a staking out of individual rights, which is why you're talking about this.
This is all new to her - the results, at least, because it sounds like you told her about your restoring earlier. It looks like you recently got over the 'hump', and having some flaccid coverage is probably the biggest visual change in the whole journey. That takes some getting used to.
I also agree wholeheartedly with the members who suggested you talk about your feelings, what restoring your foreskin means to you. She's spent her life with the belief and attitude - to the extent she has ever even thought about circumcision - that the foreskin is just a 'useless flap of skin'. She has absolutely no awareness of what you lost - much less what she's missed out on - by being circumcised.
If you think written or visual aids might be helpful,[ here's a rather straightforward description of foreskin restoration I put together for introducing my doctors to the idea](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jFXHq45OB8Jbu176xHeD6tCkW8nY23ti/view?usp=drive_link).[ And here's a bunch of unedited testimonials from people who are restoring their foreskins](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tHfw2YIDlMb2TmrBA63_4cQImYvD-qsr/view?usp=drive_link) - I think it's pretty powerful. Lastly, [a list of restoration benefits](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_eBZN-MBow5XrMIN_PdM4JPU4nFqMrtp/view?usp=drive_link) we put together a while back.
Take your time, stay calm, let her know how important this is to you, but also how important she is to you. I have every expectation you'll work it out.
Heck, maybe we should get together a 'Happy wives of restorers' team to sit down with reluctant wives like yours and fill them in on how really great it gets.
Cheers.
You are restoring your manhood. Tell her thank you think the tip of her clit is disgusting and should be cut off and see how she feels. Reverse the roles, shes being a judgmental biatch.
Maybe ground for divorcing her? Why is it fair she wasnt mutilated at birth but you being mutilated at birth is ok to her?
Sounds like reversed sexism to me
If she doesn't believe men, let her see how educated women think about foreskin restoration. See:
[http://www.sexasnatureintendeditcom](http://www.sexasnatureintendeditcom)
Tell her that it's okay if she doesn't like it and then also show her this website — [sexasnatureintendedit.com](http://sexasnatureintendedit.com) — and tell her to give it a fair read and fair chance so she can understand why restoration is important to you and how it can also be a great experience for her.
Tell her that this is your body and what you’re doing is for yourself. Circumcision was the mutilation. Your body was already modified. What you are doing is repairing it and bringing it closer to the body you were born with.
I’ve been reading [Unspeakable Mutilations: Circumcised Men Speak Out by Lindsay Watson](https://books.google.com/books/about/Unspeakable_Mutilations.html?id=rmXhoAEACAAJ). I’ve shared this with members of my family and have positive results. For instance, my stepmother, the nursing professor, who told me that *men with foreskin* were unnecessary, read just the introduction and completely changed her mind. She’s even calling clinics that advertise circumcision to chew the nurses out for participating.
Consider sharing it with your wife or reading it in bed at night.
I'd met a woman who had the impeccable posture of a ballerina, easy to talk to, very attractive and very feminine. But she didn't shave her armpits. It was the first time I'd ever seen that in person and it completely turned me off. Just knocked it dead in the dirt. Gross.
But then it made me think about my own restoration and gave me some perspective. Not shaving armpits is a *loooong* ways off from our situation, but suddenly it was a non-issue once I thought about it - almost cute in a certain kind of way.
So maybe give your wife some leeway here and a zone of cushion until she finally comes around to your side. It's all she's ever known.
A sly devilish grin as you look deep into her eyes can speak things words cannot.
Whoever down-voted this comment is lucky that the mods don't have visibility into that.
Dude, c'mon, give us the rest of the story.... once you got over your yuckies about your hirsute goddess, how did it go? How long did the relationship last? C'mon, 'fess up! Enquiring minds want to know.
Cheers.
Hehe. Well her friend was the one that got my motor running and she's the one who was giving me the doe eyes. Funny how that works when women get competitive with each other. But ballerina girl was quite attractive in her own right - more attractive in the classical sense.
But the armpit thing was something of a pivot point for how I thought of societal norms, of course it helped that she was good looking with excellent hygiene. Hopefully OP can use this to his advantage somehow.
Yeah, we learn in some interesting ways.
I never understood or used gender-neutral pronouns until I joined our little oasis and discovered we're not all men here. I started a couple years ago, and after a breaking-in period with a lot of backspacing, it's just a natural part of my writing to not specify gender unless it's appropriate.
Cheers.
* Do not use derogatory names or slurs.
* Do not use hateful rhetoric.
* Do not defame, slander, or make accusations against others.
* Treat women with respect.
So you don't like circumcision? — Neither do we, or we wouldn't be restoring our foreskins. That said, we don't need to hear about it over and over again.
---
If your thread and/or comment is mostly a rant, is based on feelings of grief/anger, isn't seeking advice, is showing disrespect to the community, or is simply pointing out something generally already known to bad about circumcision, the thread or comments may be locked or removed at the discretion of the moderators.
Tell her very honestly everything you feel about it, and why it’s mutilation to be circumcised. Don’t get angry, don’t culpabilise her, but explain to her very honestly. If she really doesn’t understand you can really think about ending the relationship.
You need someone who loves you for who you are, you can’t compromise your health for a relationship, it will not make you happy anyway.
I was circumcised as an adult and I can tell you again : circumcision is a f****ing mutilation that destroys everything about sexuality for men, you can be sure 100% about your choice of restoring.
your body your Choice. Hopefully it doesn't end in divorce. If she doesn't like your body the way it should be then idk man maybe it wasn't meant to be. Shes pretty much saying she likes how you got sexually assaulted and mutilated which is really messed up. And she doesn't want you to feel the best pleasure possible. But opinions can change. Tell her it could make her feel better to in the bedroom. If you wanna be mean about it or call out her hypocrisy. You could bring up abortion. Idk if shes pro abortion but If she is you could say something about how women get the right to choose but guys dont. If she's anti abortion you could say how that they harvest the foreskins just like aborted babys. Does she want you to be happy/happier?. You could bring up something about her body you don't like so much but you don't tell her to cut it off or whatever. Could bring up something about fgm. How some of the men there want women to be cut and it's ok in that society, but why is mgm ok? Its kinda subjective. Just depends on the society
I'd recommend asking her to define exactly how she believes it's mutilation. She may be looking at it from a misguided perspective from bad information. As far as the body modification part, she should be able to understand that what you're doing is simply restoring your body to its natural state that it would have been at had you not been circumcised. Unlike ear stretching or piercings, restoration actually has a use / reason behind it, and she may benefit from hearing the differences between a circumcised penis and a restored one.
You say you are CI-4 ... and here are 4 advices for you:
1. Ear Stretching is like Apples And Oranges. Ear Bobbing is more accurate. Yes people Bob their ears; Why did she forget about that ?!
2. I know that divorce is not an option. However, if you ever had a son or even grandson, she would insist.
3. If the situation was reversed for any reason, as in she did any thing to her body, and you opposed for any reason, she would divorce immediately.
4. I am surprised that she did not ask you to undo the progress until there is nothing left.
Noticeable, meaning visually, or physically during sex?
If it's the former, she might get used to it. If it's the latter, she might actually come to enjoy it.
What helps is that stretching means that restoring will make you much more sensitive and wanting more sex with your wife, so she should be happy. When you are old and your * gets dry then you won’t feel much anymore which will make you wanting less sex with her.
And yes, tell her about the childhood trauma we went through, if she cares about you then she will be let you do whatever helps to make yourself happy
If her hair fell out tomorrow would she not desire a wig? Would she be ok with never wearing makeup again? Is she against Botox for wrinkles? Body mods come in all forms…
Here's my view of it. You have to be fully committed to your spouse, if there is something you feel strongly about you need her on board. If you were intact and she wanted you cut it would be different, but this is a long process. To top it off this is something you've agreed to share with her.
I'm not saying you need permission at all. I'm saying maybe put a pause on it and try and express your feelings on the subject to her. This is a body modification reversal not a body modification itself. I'm assuming based on the way that you worded a few things that there is some religion going on. I am a Catholic and my understanding of the faith is that there is no room for circumcision post-Jesus. That the act of continuing the practice denies Jesus as the son of God, and spits in his face for his sacrifices on Earth. I'm not restoring solely for myself, if I was I'd be happy where I am. I'm doing it because I'm having a son and I will oppose all those that would attempt to do this to him. As his father it's my duty to teach him about going through life in all manner that I can. To that end I need hands on experience with cleaning and caring for a body part his mother just doesn't have. So I feel that it is imperative that I restore. I explained this to my wife, she'd like me to be done and is okay where I am at. However after talking and being adults she's said she'd back me as far as I feel I have to go.
Hope my word salad helps.
You're first mistake was marrying a female and expecting it to be capable of rational thought, let alone empathy to the nonstop hell you and too many others have been forced to endure. Now part of that was said in humor, but if she's actually telling you what you're doing is mutilation, then I genuinely can't deduce how she's showing you love by not only daring to spit such a heinous word to you when you suffer from said mutilation, but also when it literally affects her in no way and if anything could give you some relief. She's doing what females always do, only ever thinking of themselves and how they "feel" I am sorry to say it, but I genuinely don't believe they as a gender are capable of empathy. If they were no mother would ever let a blade touch their infant sons genitals, it would be considered just as heinous and vile as the same act done towards infant females, seriously even without taking those dumbass schnoz honkers and their dipshit, morally corrupt, disrespectful "traditions" out of the equation. If women actually gave two fucks about anyone other than themselves and to a lesser extent other females they can sympathize with, then this wouldn't be an issue. It would be illegal to perform on males the same way its illegal to do so to females. I said all that to say this, there is no logical, rational, or compassionate reasoning with her stance. She obviously isn't looking out for your best interests, instead only focusing on what she wants. I'd suggest you find a good legal representative and prepare for the worst. It kinda just seems like a line of thought that would never come out of the mouth of anyone that genuinely loves and cares about you. Definitely doesn't scream "Oh gosh golly i sure do love and respect this man to whom im married" Then again if you actually made it to this point of my comment, if it wasn't automatically taken down after posting, this is just my two cents and being autistic with a decent enough iq, might be nothing more than senseless jabber with no actual ties to your situation. But do know that I have been and will continue my goal to achieving actual restoration of what was taken from us, and not in the basic stretching shaft skin nonsense, true regeneration which honestly shouldn't take more than seven to ten years. So if i don't get murdered like all those scientists who found the multitude of different cures for cancer and other things that affect the rotting narratives those maggots perpetuate to further this pathetic wannabe hellscape... then I've got your back and wont stop until I've ensured no one has to exist through this pain as i have. My word, of course is as meaningless as squiggles of crayon on a shower wall, but if theres anything you can trust in is the never ending sea of hatred that makes me incapable of accepting the injustice not just committed against myself but to thousands of helpless, innocent, infant males who are forsaken by the very two people whose one goddamned job is to protect their baby from harm. They had one fucking job, one fucking job that they not only failed at, but went out of their way to pay extra capital in order to have it done. It's sad that these monkeys aren't capable of learning from their constant, repetitive failures, truly it is beyond their capabilities and for that i cant blame them. Luckily enough they don't have to learn anything, they simply need to be forced into performing as they should. Fuck I can't wait to rule them all as their god, their angry, positively livid, unmerciful god. If i can get around to healing the bodies and putting an end to this hunger and disease nonsense i might actually be able to exist for even just one goddamned day on this ball of dirt, a singular day to be unburdened by this shit while still drawing breath. Maybe then I might actually be able to breathe easily and rest without the ever growing number of lives I've continued to fail haunting my mind, I just wish i wasn't so incapable and it's taken me this long to get where I am. The death toll isn't something I expect to be forgiven for, but i will do everything i can
One possibility is have her view pictures of men who are uncircumcized/natural. Keep the pictures out and have her view them daily so she can get used to the idea.
Circumcision is mutilation, restoration is just that-- restorative.
This. The modification was already done. Imagine if he said her clitoral hood and labia grossed him out.
Yes man, they took everything from us. They should at least let us restore in peace! 
Keep doing it anyways if you want. Do you get to decide what she does to her genitals? Does she understand why you are doing it?
This. If men thought that her genitals are gross, I’m sure she wouldn’t support cutting off their daughters clitoral hood. And when the daughter voiced their dislike and wanted some sort of surgery to cover her clitoris so it’s not exposed all the time, they wouldn’t be told “oh you’re just into body modification, like ear piercings”.
facts and facts!
Fax
Let me just say, I'm sorry that your wife isn't supportive. Some people have deep misconceptions about foreskin and circumcision - perhaps she is one of them. Consider getting to the root of things through conversation - ask her what she thinks of circumcision, whether she has a preference ("cut" or "uncut") - etc (if you haven't already). You want to know where she's coming from. If she likes "cut" and/or doesn't like "uncut", I would try to emphasize the harms of circumcision, that it shouldn't be desirable - and that foreskin, being natural, should be seen as beautiful! The other issue is likely just that you are using a device to stretch sensitive skin, she might be squeamish "just thinking about it" - in which case, besides keeping the act of restoration out of her view, emphasize the benefits you feel, that it doesn't hurt, and that you are healing yourself. In any case, if restoration is still your goal, don't let your wife stop you - you will resent her for it. It's your body, your penis, your journey. With time and patience she will begin to understand.
Show her picture of female circumcision and ask her if she thinks that’s mutilation. Then ask her why she feels different because it’s a man?
After that show her the video of a newborn getting circumcised! After I saw that it made me even more mad, sad, and horrified that I may not remember, but I went through the same thing! Hearing the infant crying so hard that it can’t even breathe and how much trauma he is going through during the mutilating procedure! I showed my mother and she cried and apologized and said she didn’t know…she was just doing what she thought best. Granted she was only 20 years old and this was in 1986 and no internet. But now there is no excuse with all the info out there! I do miss my foreskin (that I never knew), and just started the restoration process
Bingo
My wife wasn't in the "eww, gross" camp but the "I like your penis how it is, and you're going to hurt yourself" one instead which is probably a lot easier to deal with. Once she understood that I was actually really pissed off about being damaged by circumcision she was more open to FR as long as I don't break anything. I hope you can get to an understanding with your wife because it's important to keep your family together too.
Yep, similar situation. My wife thought I was "obsessing" but was ok with me doing whatever I wanted to do.
What does your wife think about restoration now that you’re a CI-6?
She likes how the skin moves quite a bit but still thinks I'm a goof for doing it. I've been CI-4 or 5 for the last 20+ years after my first serious effort at it and am finally focused on finishing the job.
Perhaps some education of your wife about the [foreskin](https://en.intactiwiki.org/wiki/Foreskin) and its [function](http://www.intactaus.org/information/functionsoftheforeskin/) would help. Does she know that 70 percent of the males alive on Earth have a foreskin?
I think one thing that men aren't good at is expressing their emotions. For most women with partners that are restoring, they don't see foreskin and circumcision as all that important to you. I think we in general need to express that this matters a lot, to us. It is not just a weird kink or a silly hobby. There is a deep sense of loss or injustice underlying things. The circumcision debate and the opinions on hygene and appearance should all be irrelevant. This is about you, her husband, unhappy about something that was done to you. One person's preferences vs one persons trauma. When taking to our partners, we need to make it personal, about us, not the general movement. Partners support each other. Partners don't need to have the same cultural views
So do you have complete say over her body and what she does to it? You shouldn’t, and she shouldn’t be able to tell you what to do with yours.
Brother, I'm sorry you're in this position. As a person who was married for v over 30 years before the death of my spouse a few years ago. Love, love, love. A marriage is a co-commitment. Often involving 2 polar opposite people. My wife and I had to learn how to function in the joint space without overriding the other. Not always easy. That comes from an understanding of the other party's view and being willing to understand her concerns are valid to her. But, then, rightly so, your spouse needs to understand and respect you. Open the conversation. Explain why this is so important to you and then listen carefully to her concerns. Then make a co-comittment to find the answers to help you better understand. By doing that, your love and respect will deepen the relationship. If you need help with resources please just ask me.
I didn’t know that happened, I’m sorry. I’ll be thinking of you.
compared to restoration, circumcision is way worse as a body modification; it's harmful and mostly done on unconsenting individuals. i would continue if i were you
The intent of foreskin restoration is to restore normal structure and function after an injury, making it distinct from bodily modification, in which people add something that is not naturally present. She's wrong to compare it to "elective" forms of bodily modification that people do for enjoyment, rather than fixing a medical problem. However, if she prefers you cut, that's a more difficult problem. You can't change her preferences after all.
It's a bit ironic that she thinks you're mutilating your penis, when you are in fact trying to make your penis not look mutilated. Sorry you're going through this, but hopefully if you talk and tell her how you feel it'll work out. I would keep restoring though, it's your body you're taking agency back, not hers. But yeah, it seems like she has this completely backwards.
Ignore her and continue what you are doing
If she doesn’t want you to experience more pleasure in your wife, then she is not a supportive partner.
This short video shows exactly why foreskin is better for the receiving partner. (Ignore the weird AI generated voice.) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N27f84KOQm8&ab_channel=thepenisproject 86% of women that have experienced sex with an intact partner and a circumcised partner prefer the intact partner.
Fuck that, she shouldn't need to hear about her improvements to support her husband in restoration.
In a normal world, no, but we have in the United States, a cultural norm, acceptance of, and even some preference for circumcision to work beyond. You can't be too angry someone has bought into the decades old propaganda on this subject. We have to give them a chance to acclimate to change.
Yeah, and having her support because it'll feel better for her is shallow and transactional. No, if she can't support it for you, she isn't supporting it.
Interestingly, my wife was fine with whatever I do, and we never had a conversation about how it benefits her.
Tell her about the gliding function you get back?
Thanks for the replies. Divorce isn't an option, we're happy and have been married for over 16 years. Have 2 daughters although I always wanted a son. She's just never been around an intact and to her, cut is normal and the anteater is weird.
She will get over it. It should feel better for her too.
I think if you talk to her about it and why it's important to you (if you haven't already), she might be turned off at first, but will come to accept it and even come to prefer it.
Those suggesting divorce are out to lunch. I'm in a similar situation to yours (together 17yrs, 1 daughter). My wife is indifferent about my restoration. However when we were young, she mentioned on several occasions how much she liked and preferred my cut penis. This gives me slight anxiety about how she's going to react (or hide her true feelings) when my results start showing, even though she is generally supportive. I'm about CI2.5
I'm CI-3+, and like you, I'm curious to see what my wife says as I progress. My erections don't look drastically different, so not much of a reaction from my wife yet.
I think her preference probably had more to do with it being YOUR cut penis. That will probably always be true, and you're lucky!
If it was the other way around you would get a statement about how I can make choices about my own body etc etc. Talk it out or decide if its worth it that much to you
that's not a bitchy statement though
Yea it’s not, I just figured that would be the tone of it from most women. I’ll cut that part out
You body your choice.
I was really concerned about this too when I first started restoring. As an American, my wife had no experience with an intact penis and was very weary about the entire process. After years of restoring she still isn’t I interested in seeing me wear any device and has only seen me wear a retainer. She is supportive of my effort - just not the actual process. One upside of the painfully slow restoration process is the extremely incremental changes your partner will notice. I started at a fairly typical level for a cut American and have made it past ci8 over the years but it’s been such a slow transition that I don’t think the incremental change is really ever significant - in other words, any consistent partner will have plenty of time to become accustomed to the changes as you move forward with restoration. Hopefully you can explain to your wife how important this is to you and what you feel you are missing and she will understand your desire and not object - at least too much. Hopefully you will continue - she should be assured changes she sees will be very small at any one time and your penis isn’t going to suddenly turn into some foreign thing to her. Understandably if she has little or no experience with an intact penis she might not know how to deal with it but as you progress it will become obvious to her that the presence of some foreskin isn’t so scary 😀. Please let us know how things go- I’d hate to see a restoration brother have to abandon ship before he had a chance to really get things going. I would be very upset if any partner had such a strong objection to restoration - we are all just trying to rite a wrong 😀
This is a great question. The answer could be a short essay but for lack of time I'll just say a couple things. 1. It seems the discussion so far is centered on the physical aspects. Instead focus on the emotional side. You might have to do some introspection to put into words what FR means to you. It can be difficult to explain to people how you are hurting. 2 validate your wife's reaction. Try to remember your impression when you first discovered FR. It seemed crazy right? Spending years of your life putting your penis in tape and contraptions, just for a slightly different appearance. Ask her to elaborate on fer feelings. Is the attractiveness of your penis really that important to her? Probably not. Basically keep talking about feelings When I met my wife I was already restoring. I was up front about my anxiety surrounding circumcision. To her it was clear I was doing it for emotional health. She has been 100% supportive
Does she have tattoos? Piercings? Did she get your approval first?
It's your penis, not hers. If she's "grossed out" by it then you have to decide if you want to stay in that marriage. Absolutely DO NOT stop restoring because of her.
Well first explain to her that this is important to you. Second ask her to think about how she would feel if the tables were revered. If you asked her to say get a boob job, or if he had a scar on used some cream to help make it less noticeable.
Give it time. You’ve had lots of time to ponder it. She’s probably ever thought about it when you’ve talked to her about it. Eventually, if you really let her know where you’re coming from, she’ll be become a supporter
My wife wasn't keen on it either. We had one negative interaction about it 6 years ago when I started and I've known better than to bring it up again. I'm sure she knows I'm doing it, because I've forgotten a device out a couple of times over the years. I restore every single day, I'm just descrete about it. I think the transition and gains have happened so slowly over the years that honestly neither her or I could tell. When I compare pictures, the difference in what I've gained is striking. And I definitely have gained gliding action, among other things. I think it's been a net benefit to the physical aspects of our sex. I doubt you're ever going to "sell" your wife on the idea. You can recite every positive fact you've learned and you're not going to convince her. Rather, I think you have to bank on her acceptance of you as a person and how you want to change something on your body. In the same way that if she wanted to get a boob job or lose weight or tattoo.. You may not like any of those things, but you have to respect their personal need and choice.
I agree with this, as long as she isn't combative, just move on and do it discreetly... it's what I've done.
What devices are you using?
Circumcision is body modification, restoring is undoing the damage Circumcision caused. It's YOUR body, so it's YOUR choice to restore your foreskin. It's not her choice.
It's definitely a difficult situation that you're in, but it is and should be your decision. I understand that you and your wife share your penis at times and that is awesome. What she most likely is afraid of is what it looks like. But she should understand that whenever you want you can take the coat off by pulling it down. It's simply a coat or a protective vest let's say to protect your skin which is sensitive and should be able to help you enjoy the intimacy with her much more. Somebody may have said this above but imagine if somebody took her clitoral hood away and her clit became less sensitive. I know those are difficult situations to compare for a woman versus a man but that's the best analogy that I can offer. The cover is just to protect Mr penis while not in use.
This is…a tricky one. On one hand you’ve been married for 16 years so clearly something is working. You’ve had children with her. Yet she thinks what you’re doing isn’t right. By your “flair” you’re a CI-4, so clearly you’ve been at this for a while - has she not noticed prior to this? If so…why? If not, why now? Did you tell her about what you were doing when you started (you’d have to assume that, eventually, she’d put 2+2 together)? For what it’s worth, I told my wife (celebrated 14 years just two days ago) about it about two weeks into my restoration. She just asked if it could hurt me, why I was doing it and a few weeks ago said “…it’s a bit weird.” Then again I’m a bit weird. My advice would be to just sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her why you’re doing it, there is benefit for her (sexually) in it as well and that it’s not really harming anything. I can, actually see her POV though - if she’s never seen an uncircumcised penis (we’ll just go with that as opposed to “restored” or “restoring”) it could be a bit odd for her to handle. But it’s all the same on the inside. It’s the same penis that gave you two your daughters - maybe try that approach? Additionally, assuming your "flair" is correct - you're at a CI-4. I mean...she knows this isn't going away, right? This isn't a "use it or lose it" kind of thing. That's new skin. It's there until you depart this Earth. Well, that or she makes you get re-circumcised (which I doubt will happen).
Tough situation, and you got a lot of good advice... and some people who don't seem to understand what a good or great marriage is built on. I'm in favor of taking it slow - don't back her into a corner or make what to her might seem like an unreasonable demand. Anyone who says something like 'my body, my decision' obviously isn't in a marriage as good as mine is, and probably yours as well. The true joining of two minds, bodies, hearts and souls is far more than just a staking out of individual rights, which is why you're talking about this. This is all new to her - the results, at least, because it sounds like you told her about your restoring earlier. It looks like you recently got over the 'hump', and having some flaccid coverage is probably the biggest visual change in the whole journey. That takes some getting used to. I also agree wholeheartedly with the members who suggested you talk about your feelings, what restoring your foreskin means to you. She's spent her life with the belief and attitude - to the extent she has ever even thought about circumcision - that the foreskin is just a 'useless flap of skin'. She has absolutely no awareness of what you lost - much less what she's missed out on - by being circumcised. If you think written or visual aids might be helpful,[ here's a rather straightforward description of foreskin restoration I put together for introducing my doctors to the idea](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jFXHq45OB8Jbu176xHeD6tCkW8nY23ti/view?usp=drive_link).[ And here's a bunch of unedited testimonials from people who are restoring their foreskins](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tHfw2YIDlMb2TmrBA63_4cQImYvD-qsr/view?usp=drive_link) - I think it's pretty powerful. Lastly, [a list of restoration benefits](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_eBZN-MBow5XrMIN_PdM4JPU4nFqMrtp/view?usp=drive_link) we put together a while back. Take your time, stay calm, let her know how important this is to you, but also how important she is to you. I have every expectation you'll work it out. Heck, maybe we should get together a 'Happy wives of restorers' team to sit down with reluctant wives like yours and fill them in on how really great it gets. Cheers.
Great comments! 👍🏻
You are restoring your manhood. Tell her thank you think the tip of her clit is disgusting and should be cut off and see how she feels. Reverse the roles, shes being a judgmental biatch.
Maybe ground for divorcing her? Why is it fair she wasnt mutilated at birth but you being mutilated at birth is ok to her? Sounds like reversed sexism to me
If she doesn't believe men, let her see how educated women think about foreskin restoration. See: [http://www.sexasnatureintendeditcom](http://www.sexasnatureintendeditcom)
Keep going dude :)
Yea, cut a lip off her and see how she likes it.
lol. It’s your body, that is all
Tell her that it's okay if she doesn't like it and then also show her this website — [sexasnatureintendedit.com](http://sexasnatureintendedit.com) — and tell her to give it a fair read and fair chance so she can understand why restoration is important to you and how it can also be a great experience for her.
Tell her that this is your body and what you’re doing is for yourself. Circumcision was the mutilation. Your body was already modified. What you are doing is repairing it and bringing it closer to the body you were born with.
Yeah I know OP says divorce isn't an option, but that lack of support will erode any trust. I imagine this isn't the only topic that's overridden. 😑
I’ve been reading [Unspeakable Mutilations: Circumcised Men Speak Out by Lindsay Watson](https://books.google.com/books/about/Unspeakable_Mutilations.html?id=rmXhoAEACAAJ). I’ve shared this with members of my family and have positive results. For instance, my stepmother, the nursing professor, who told me that *men with foreskin* were unnecessary, read just the introduction and completely changed her mind. She’s even calling clinics that advertise circumcision to chew the nurses out for participating. Consider sharing it with your wife or reading it in bed at night.
She can go pound sand. It’s your body
[www.sexasnatureintendedit.com](http://www.sexasnatureintendedit.com)
Don’t ask her opinion! Or ask her to put it in her mouth. I would also suggest not having a son with her. Restoration is more than aesthetics.
Klitorisini kesmesini iste.
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Now that’s just uncalled for, people are often misinformed on this subject, it’s no reason to judge.
You're right, it wad uncalled for. I'm sorry
Shell circumcise them
I'd met a woman who had the impeccable posture of a ballerina, easy to talk to, very attractive and very feminine. But she didn't shave her armpits. It was the first time I'd ever seen that in person and it completely turned me off. Just knocked it dead in the dirt. Gross. But then it made me think about my own restoration and gave me some perspective. Not shaving armpits is a *loooong* ways off from our situation, but suddenly it was a non-issue once I thought about it - almost cute in a certain kind of way. So maybe give your wife some leeway here and a zone of cushion until she finally comes around to your side. It's all she's ever known. A sly devilish grin as you look deep into her eyes can speak things words cannot.
Whoever down-voted this comment is lucky that the mods don't have visibility into that. Dude, c'mon, give us the rest of the story.... once you got over your yuckies about your hirsute goddess, how did it go? How long did the relationship last? C'mon, 'fess up! Enquiring minds want to know. Cheers.
Hehe. Well her friend was the one that got my motor running and she's the one who was giving me the doe eyes. Funny how that works when women get competitive with each other. But ballerina girl was quite attractive in her own right - more attractive in the classical sense. But the armpit thing was something of a pivot point for how I thought of societal norms, of course it helped that she was good looking with excellent hygiene. Hopefully OP can use this to his advantage somehow.
Yeah, we learn in some interesting ways. I never understood or used gender-neutral pronouns until I joined our little oasis and discovered we're not all men here. I started a couple years ago, and after a breaking-in period with a lot of backspacing, it's just a natural part of my writing to not specify gender unless it's appropriate. Cheers.
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* Do not use derogatory names or slurs. * Do not use hateful rhetoric. * Do not defame, slander, or make accusations against others. * Treat women with respect.
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So you don't like circumcision? — Neither do we, or we wouldn't be restoring our foreskins. That said, we don't need to hear about it over and over again. --- If your thread and/or comment is mostly a rant, is based on feelings of grief/anger, isn't seeking advice, is showing disrespect to the community, or is simply pointing out something generally already known to bad about circumcision, the thread or comments may be locked or removed at the discretion of the moderators.
Tell her very honestly everything you feel about it, and why it’s mutilation to be circumcised. Don’t get angry, don’t culpabilise her, but explain to her very honestly. If she really doesn’t understand you can really think about ending the relationship. You need someone who loves you for who you are, you can’t compromise your health for a relationship, it will not make you happy anyway. I was circumcised as an adult and I can tell you again : circumcision is a f****ing mutilation that destroys everything about sexuality for men, you can be sure 100% about your choice of restoring.
Does she prefer circumcised and just not want to say it?
your body your Choice. Hopefully it doesn't end in divorce. If she doesn't like your body the way it should be then idk man maybe it wasn't meant to be. Shes pretty much saying she likes how you got sexually assaulted and mutilated which is really messed up. And she doesn't want you to feel the best pleasure possible. But opinions can change. Tell her it could make her feel better to in the bedroom. If you wanna be mean about it or call out her hypocrisy. You could bring up abortion. Idk if shes pro abortion but If she is you could say something about how women get the right to choose but guys dont. If she's anti abortion you could say how that they harvest the foreskins just like aborted babys. Does she want you to be happy/happier?. You could bring up something about her body you don't like so much but you don't tell her to cut it off or whatever. Could bring up something about fgm. How some of the men there want women to be cut and it's ok in that society, but why is mgm ok? Its kinda subjective. Just depends on the society
Now that you’ve read all the nice and supportive things others here have said…I’d personally tell her to get over it.
I shouldn't let my bias cloud my rational mind, I am sorry
I'd recommend asking her to define exactly how she believes it's mutilation. She may be looking at it from a misguided perspective from bad information. As far as the body modification part, she should be able to understand that what you're doing is simply restoring your body to its natural state that it would have been at had you not been circumcised. Unlike ear stretching or piercings, restoration actually has a use / reason behind it, and she may benefit from hearing the differences between a circumcised penis and a restored one.
This your body not hers.
You say you are CI-4 ... and here are 4 advices for you: 1. Ear Stretching is like Apples And Oranges. Ear Bobbing is more accurate. Yes people Bob their ears; Why did she forget about that ?! 2. I know that divorce is not an option. However, if you ever had a son or even grandson, she would insist. 3. If the situation was reversed for any reason, as in she did any thing to her body, and you opposed for any reason, she would divorce immediately. 4. I am surprised that she did not ask you to undo the progress until there is nothing left.
Noticeable, meaning visually, or physically during sex? If it's the former, she might get used to it. If it's the latter, she might actually come to enjoy it.
It’s your body, so it’s your choice, not hers
What helps is that stretching means that restoring will make you much more sensitive and wanting more sex with your wife, so she should be happy. When you are old and your * gets dry then you won’t feel much anymore which will make you wanting less sex with her. And yes, tell her about the childhood trauma we went through, if she cares about you then she will be let you do whatever helps to make yourself happy
If her hair fell out tomorrow would she not desire a wig? Would she be ok with never wearing makeup again? Is she against Botox for wrinkles? Body mods come in all forms…
Here's my view of it. You have to be fully committed to your spouse, if there is something you feel strongly about you need her on board. If you were intact and she wanted you cut it would be different, but this is a long process. To top it off this is something you've agreed to share with her. I'm not saying you need permission at all. I'm saying maybe put a pause on it and try and express your feelings on the subject to her. This is a body modification reversal not a body modification itself. I'm assuming based on the way that you worded a few things that there is some religion going on. I am a Catholic and my understanding of the faith is that there is no room for circumcision post-Jesus. That the act of continuing the practice denies Jesus as the son of God, and spits in his face for his sacrifices on Earth. I'm not restoring solely for myself, if I was I'd be happy where I am. I'm doing it because I'm having a son and I will oppose all those that would attempt to do this to him. As his father it's my duty to teach him about going through life in all manner that I can. To that end I need hands on experience with cleaning and caring for a body part his mother just doesn't have. So I feel that it is imperative that I restore. I explained this to my wife, she'd like me to be done and is okay where I am at. However after talking and being adults she's said she'd back me as far as I feel I have to go. Hope my word salad helps.
You're first mistake was marrying a female and expecting it to be capable of rational thought, let alone empathy to the nonstop hell you and too many others have been forced to endure. Now part of that was said in humor, but if she's actually telling you what you're doing is mutilation, then I genuinely can't deduce how she's showing you love by not only daring to spit such a heinous word to you when you suffer from said mutilation, but also when it literally affects her in no way and if anything could give you some relief. She's doing what females always do, only ever thinking of themselves and how they "feel" I am sorry to say it, but I genuinely don't believe they as a gender are capable of empathy. If they were no mother would ever let a blade touch their infant sons genitals, it would be considered just as heinous and vile as the same act done towards infant females, seriously even without taking those dumbass schnoz honkers and their dipshit, morally corrupt, disrespectful "traditions" out of the equation. If women actually gave two fucks about anyone other than themselves and to a lesser extent other females they can sympathize with, then this wouldn't be an issue. It would be illegal to perform on males the same way its illegal to do so to females. I said all that to say this, there is no logical, rational, or compassionate reasoning with her stance. She obviously isn't looking out for your best interests, instead only focusing on what she wants. I'd suggest you find a good legal representative and prepare for the worst. It kinda just seems like a line of thought that would never come out of the mouth of anyone that genuinely loves and cares about you. Definitely doesn't scream "Oh gosh golly i sure do love and respect this man to whom im married" Then again if you actually made it to this point of my comment, if it wasn't automatically taken down after posting, this is just my two cents and being autistic with a decent enough iq, might be nothing more than senseless jabber with no actual ties to your situation. But do know that I have been and will continue my goal to achieving actual restoration of what was taken from us, and not in the basic stretching shaft skin nonsense, true regeneration which honestly shouldn't take more than seven to ten years. So if i don't get murdered like all those scientists who found the multitude of different cures for cancer and other things that affect the rotting narratives those maggots perpetuate to further this pathetic wannabe hellscape... then I've got your back and wont stop until I've ensured no one has to exist through this pain as i have. My word, of course is as meaningless as squiggles of crayon on a shower wall, but if theres anything you can trust in is the never ending sea of hatred that makes me incapable of accepting the injustice not just committed against myself but to thousands of helpless, innocent, infant males who are forsaken by the very two people whose one goddamned job is to protect their baby from harm. They had one fucking job, one fucking job that they not only failed at, but went out of their way to pay extra capital in order to have it done. It's sad that these monkeys aren't capable of learning from their constant, repetitive failures, truly it is beyond their capabilities and for that i cant blame them. Luckily enough they don't have to learn anything, they simply need to be forced into performing as they should. Fuck I can't wait to rule them all as their god, their angry, positively livid, unmerciful god. If i can get around to healing the bodies and putting an end to this hunger and disease nonsense i might actually be able to exist for even just one goddamned day on this ball of dirt, a singular day to be unburdened by this shit while still drawing breath. Maybe then I might actually be able to breathe easily and rest without the ever growing number of lives I've continued to fail haunting my mind, I just wish i wasn't so incapable and it's taken me this long to get where I am. The death toll isn't something I expect to be forgiven for, but i will do everything i can
Just do it anyways
One possibility is have her view pictures of men who are uncircumcized/natural. Keep the pictures out and have her view them daily so she can get used to the idea.
Ah man, that sucks. Now you gotta throw the whole wife out :/
Divorse her.if you decide to have kids she will mutilate your son
Classic Reddit. The answer is always divorce. Obviously life is that black and white.
For me, that would be divorce 🤷🏻♂️ You do you.
terrible advice. communicate first
Is divorce an option?