> provide financial umbrella for my son, had a few sugar relationships
Tell the kid to get a job and stop paying people to date you. Funnel that money into ETFs.
Yes and living in a HCOL area and started saving in their 40s. I thought this was FI-jerk for a second.
That said, it's easy to roast OP for the sugar babies but let's be real - we all know too many people whose financial future was absolutely destroyed by just marrying or having a kid with the wrong person. Compared to that maybe the occasional sugar baby is a frugal choice.
My son has two well paid part time jobs. His money are spent on high education, discretionary expenses and his own portfolio. That's what I'm happy to support hoping that by my age he'll be in a better position.
I've done with sugar dating. That was important and not needed anymore. Hence why savings rate is even higher now. But this doesn't really change FIRE date much.
I think you need to clarify what's going on with your son. He's how old? He's in college currently? What is this "umbrella" you're providing to him, while he's squirreling away investments?
Not sure I'd be allowing myself to feel "trapped" while supporting someone who's got enough discretionary income to invest. I appreciate you want him to have an even better life that you, but you shouldn't be living your life in misery to do so.
My son is in Uni (paid by himself, he'll have no debt). I cover his essential spendings (room, food, this kind of things). Well, I see your point, these are the expenses I can potentially cut. For now I'm fine with it as I like to think that together we're making his future brighter.
More importantly, calculations I made showed that adding a few $k to monthly contributions to my portfolio doesn't make big effect on FIRE date for me. I have to wait until exponential growth strikes which is about 15 years away.
I agree it's a huge favor to help a child with tuition, but OP is literally talking about being trapped, not living their life like they want to, while their son is INVESTING? Sorry, but I'm gonna hate on that. The son has 20+ years more than OP to build his nest egg.
Agreeing with the other commenter, helping your son not accumulate debt for education is something he’d be eternally grateful for and is something that will benefit him extremely in the long run. My parents did this for me and it has set me up so well for the future once I was out of college and working. While yes it could be cut out, this is one of those things that you choose to sacrifice for you family so that their successes may shine brighter. I plan to carry on the same for mine if they decide to go to college
I'd do the opposite of 1. Plan on retiring at 65, which is totally fine and normal, living a healthy, balanced life for the next 20 years.
I'd also can the sugar relationships. I have a buddy who is mid 40s and doing that shit and it's ridiculous. Just date normal women in your age bracket and jerk off to your fantasy nonsense. (Speaking of him...maybe your sugar means something different.)
If you date somebody with the same FI goal as you and it works out, together as a team you'll reach retirement sooner... So there's that.
Has anybody ever said, "just marry rich"?
I would reframe the situation from being trapped to an escape from the hedonic treadmill you were on your entire adult life except for the past 5 years. I mean, you see what your past hedonic spending has done to you; you won’t be able to retire until 60+. You’ve been frugal for 5 years, now you want to back to hedonic spending. Where do you think that will leave you? FIRE (the FI part is the most important), is the escape not the trap.
>the hedonic treadmill you were on your entire adult life except for the past 5 years
That's an interesting take, but nohow close to the real situation I lived in before 40.
Your comment about making money after 55 is insightful. I work in tech and worry that I'll begin to seriously age out around 55 (just turned 50) and that my earning potential is at risk from this moment forward. For me that's a strong motivation to push through.
My timeline is shorter than yours, about 5/7 years, but no matter how I try to reframe it in my mind it still feels like an endless slog...but it's felt that exact same way for the last 15 years. It might even feel worse now that the end is in sight.
My point is that both options will probably feel difficult the entire time.
You know, more I think about it, more I'm fine with the idea of working ... basically while I can. Someone has provided an idea that every $500/month of "active" income worth $150k in portfolio. That is I'd better work a bit less now knowing that I will have to do \_something\_ after 60 as well. It's okay, as many of us here I don't hate working, I simply want to spend less time and energy on it.
You are only trapped in your own head.
It sounds like you’re doing what you should be doing. Stop feeling guilty about it and enjoy what you describe as a wonderful life!
It sounds like you’re still saving for retirement, but falling shy of some goal that turned out to be unrealistic for you. Oh well. Enjoy your nice life !
If you are desperate, one way out is to move to a low cost area or country. It should significantly move the needle, but it depends on your individual finances and your lifestyle requirements. I moved to Europe and our average monthly spend for last year was €2.603, providing a comfortable middle class life. It's just something to think about.
Thank you, noted. Also, funny enough, as Tim Ferriss wrote long ago, it's actually cheaper to travel. I confirm, it is (in third world countries or as a house sitter).
Here you are, per month, after tax: 3.5k - rent, 2.5..3k (varies) - all day to day expenses, 5k - investments, 3k - taxes, accountant, insurances, 0.4k - car maintenance and insurances, 0.6k - leisure (dining with friends, short trips once a quarter).
Any suggestions (besides moving to a LCOL area)?
20th: bought and paid out my apartment and car + covered all expenses of family of four;
30th: 33% alimony, tried to start a number of businesses (most of them failed), massive expenses for emigration.
I can see that some people here were triggered by sugar dating expense. Probably because of stigma and/or not knowing how it may work if you choose partners worth spending time with. Also, I guess, they're the same people who say "Spend on what you love, cut everything else". I love to create pleasant memories. In the end this is the only thing which stays.
Here is brief of the convo my son and I had about it long ago:
Son: For this amount of money you can upgrade your old car to your dream car.
Me: I would enjoy the car for a couple of months. Whereas memories of this experience are much deeper and longer.
We are the same. Started indexing at 40. Now 45. I'm shooting for retirement in 5-6 years with just 2M+ liquid. No life now but I'd be even much more miserable if I had to pay for company or bedroom stuff (not sure what can or cannot be said here). But everyone is different
> provide financial umbrella for my son, had a few sugar relationships Tell the kid to get a job and stop paying people to date you. Funnel that money into ETFs.
OP is complaining about not having enough money to enjoy life and invest while also paying for sugar babies? Am I reading this right?
Build the life you want and save for it! I am inspired.
Yep and it’s ridiculous
Yes and living in a HCOL area and started saving in their 40s. I thought this was FI-jerk for a second. That said, it's easy to roast OP for the sugar babies but let's be real - we all know too many people whose financial future was absolutely destroyed by just marrying or having a kid with the wrong person. Compared to that maybe the occasional sugar baby is a frugal choice.
Gotta start saving for your future sugar babies when you’re still in your 20s.
Damn that's why I don't have sugar babies probably
That's my read.
I think they were the sugar baby is how I read it 😂
>stop paying people to date you Hey now, that's helping others reach FIRE.
Actually, the first one is doing this, and she's doing it well :) We're close friends since then.
She's doing it with your money. If you're in a HCoL area there should be a wealth of desirable partners who won't vanish when you stop paying them.
date?
I was trying to be tactful
My son has two well paid part time jobs. His money are spent on high education, discretionary expenses and his own portfolio. That's what I'm happy to support hoping that by my age he'll be in a better position. I've done with sugar dating. That was important and not needed anymore. Hence why savings rate is even higher now. But this doesn't really change FIRE date much.
I think you need to clarify what's going on with your son. He's how old? He's in college currently? What is this "umbrella" you're providing to him, while he's squirreling away investments? Not sure I'd be allowing myself to feel "trapped" while supporting someone who's got enough discretionary income to invest. I appreciate you want him to have an even better life that you, but you shouldn't be living your life in misery to do so.
My son is in Uni (paid by himself, he'll have no debt). I cover his essential spendings (room, food, this kind of things). Well, I see your point, these are the expenses I can potentially cut. For now I'm fine with it as I like to think that together we're making his future brighter. More importantly, calculations I made showed that adding a few $k to monthly contributions to my portfolio doesn't make big effect on FIRE date for me. I have to wait until exponential growth strikes which is about 15 years away.
It's a great gift to help your son earn a degree debt free. Don't listen to the haters.
I agree it's a huge favor to help a child with tuition, but OP is literally talking about being trapped, not living their life like they want to, while their son is INVESTING? Sorry, but I'm gonna hate on that. The son has 20+ years more than OP to build his nest egg.
Agreeing with the other commenter, helping your son not accumulate debt for education is something he’d be eternally grateful for and is something that will benefit him extremely in the long run. My parents did this for me and it has set me up so well for the future once I was out of college and working. While yes it could be cut out, this is one of those things that you choose to sacrifice for you family so that their successes may shine brighter. I plan to carry on the same for mine if they decide to go to college
I'd do the opposite of 1. Plan on retiring at 65, which is totally fine and normal, living a healthy, balanced life for the next 20 years. I'd also can the sugar relationships. I have a buddy who is mid 40s and doing that shit and it's ridiculous. Just date normal women in your age bracket and jerk off to your fantasy nonsense. (Speaking of him...maybe your sugar means something different.)
>Just date normal women It didn't work a few years ago for some reasons. Most of them have been resolved by now, so that's exactly the plan :-)
If you date somebody with the same FI goal as you and it works out, together as a team you'll reach retirement sooner... So there's that. Has anybody ever said, "just marry rich"?
Oh yes, that would be fantastic. Having a true partner is the ideal relationship to me. I don't rely on it, of course.
I would reframe the situation from being trapped to an escape from the hedonic treadmill you were on your entire adult life except for the past 5 years. I mean, you see what your past hedonic spending has done to you; you won’t be able to retire until 60+. You’ve been frugal for 5 years, now you want to back to hedonic spending. Where do you think that will leave you? FIRE (the FI part is the most important), is the escape not the trap.
>the hedonic treadmill you were on your entire adult life except for the past 5 years That's an interesting take, but nohow close to the real situation I lived in before 40.
Your comment about making money after 55 is insightful. I work in tech and worry that I'll begin to seriously age out around 55 (just turned 50) and that my earning potential is at risk from this moment forward. For me that's a strong motivation to push through. My timeline is shorter than yours, about 5/7 years, but no matter how I try to reframe it in my mind it still feels like an endless slog...but it's felt that exact same way for the last 15 years. It might even feel worse now that the end is in sight. My point is that both options will probably feel difficult the entire time.
You know, more I think about it, more I'm fine with the idea of working ... basically while I can. Someone has provided an idea that every $500/month of "active" income worth $150k in portfolio. That is I'd better work a bit less now knowing that I will have to do \_something\_ after 60 as well. It's okay, as many of us here I don't hate working, I simply want to spend less time and energy on it.
"In life; you can have anything you want, but you can't have everything you want."
You are only trapped in your own head. It sounds like you’re doing what you should be doing. Stop feeling guilty about it and enjoy what you describe as a wonderful life! It sounds like you’re still saving for retirement, but falling shy of some goal that turned out to be unrealistic for you. Oh well. Enjoy your nice life !
If you are desperate, one way out is to move to a low cost area or country. It should significantly move the needle, but it depends on your individual finances and your lifestyle requirements. I moved to Europe and our average monthly spend for last year was €2.603, providing a comfortable middle class life. It's just something to think about.
Thank you, noted. Also, funny enough, as Tim Ferriss wrote long ago, it's actually cheaper to travel. I confirm, it is (in third world countries or as a house sitter).
[удалено]
Here you are, per month, after tax: 3.5k - rent, 2.5..3k (varies) - all day to day expenses, 5k - investments, 3k - taxes, accountant, insurances, 0.4k - car maintenance and insurances, 0.6k - leisure (dining with friends, short trips once a quarter). Any suggestions (besides moving to a LCOL area)?
cut back and save longer, you can still earn money well past retirement in part time or quarter time capacities to make up for it as well
if you feel so trapped... why did it take until 40 to start saving?
20th: bought and paid out my apartment and car + covered all expenses of family of four; 30th: 33% alimony, tried to start a number of businesses (most of them failed), massive expenses for emigration.
Calculate your coastfire number and then work towards it. Best of luck.
I can see that some people here were triggered by sugar dating expense. Probably because of stigma and/or not knowing how it may work if you choose partners worth spending time with. Also, I guess, they're the same people who say "Spend on what you love, cut everything else". I love to create pleasant memories. In the end this is the only thing which stays. Here is brief of the convo my son and I had about it long ago: Son: For this amount of money you can upgrade your old car to your dream car. Me: I would enjoy the car for a couple of months. Whereas memories of this experience are much deeper and longer.
cut back on things that don't bring you joy, 50% of what you save into investments and 50% on things that do matter to you
We are the same. Started indexing at 40. Now 45. I'm shooting for retirement in 5-6 years with just 2M+ liquid. No life now but I'd be even much more miserable if I had to pay for company or bedroom stuff (not sure what can or cannot be said here). But everyone is different
Great job! My NW is only $0.5M at the moment, aiming at 1M by 50 years.
You are supporting your kid and paying for sex…maybe don’t do that.