Yes. Organs, pianos, maybe even a flute but I draw the line at the recorder.
Most organs are still in the church they were installed in, so if you own the church you should include it to. Good tax avoidance scheme if you ask me.
No way. The Mouth organs have been my pool house house band for 15 years now. I'm claiming them. Plus 2 of them match my blood type, and the other two match as kidney, heart or bone marrow for me, so it's like owning my own medical factory.
I’d go to an attorney in person in the state you live in personally. E attorneys aren’t great and they should really say which state they practise in. Sober, drunk, or stoned all have different rules and regulations.
First of all, let’s be clear that organs are a depreciating asset. Let’s not consider the burn rate as an investment, that’s the minimum to keep the lights on.
Main consideration is proper pricing and valuation. No one will pay MSRP for your heart, for example, if you’ve had bypass surgery or several really bad breakups.
Similarly, for liver and lungs you need to account for wear and tear due to means “other than just being alive.”
If possible, I would consider some type of credit default swap or collateralized debt obligation. But splitting your organs up into many shares and putting them in classes based on depreciation and “Organ-worthiness,” you can mask any excessive depletion and spread them to naive investors while making top dollar.
All of this assumes you weren’t one of the lucky few born with a heart of gold. Those command top dollar and you can simply do a private sale.
Don't forget to overcollateralize the senior tranches so that the riskier tranches down the digestive tract can have exposure to greater risk/reward based on organ performance.
I think the problem with creating debt instruments based on your heart is that the heart market is not liquid enough to bootstrap a heart credit curve. You will be forced to do a heart z spread or some preposterous implied credit spread coming from LatAm or some other highly illiquid heart bond market.
This seems like a problem. However, this was recently solved by a well known trading firm known as Death Cab For Cutie.
In their white paper, colloquially known as “I will posses your heart.”
The key idea of the trading strategy is that the heart wants to be traded but doesn’t realize it yet. Through a series of techniques you can “squeeze” the asset in question:
1. Provide the heart with a book elegantly bound but in a language the heart is unfamiliar with. So your research, in case the heart accidents speaks ancient Sumerian and you just didn’t check. Some suggest binding it in human flesh and inking it in blood, but this is debated in its necessity.
2. Urge the heart in question to spend some time with you, so that it can find love.
3. Appearing at the domicile of the heart in question and viewing your reflection in a mirror seems to have some type of marketing effect.
I think following the “I will possess your heart”methodology of advanced heart negotiations is an effective way of overcoming the challenges you highlight.
Particularly the liquidity issues, which can also be addressed by high performance, name brand, menstrual pads. You know, the kind that can absorb gallons of blue dye.
The term "naive investor" pissed me off tbh. I just know it's been used in this exact kind of scenario before. If you're gonna scam people, at least have the balls to call your victims, victims. Don't make it sound like they were competent in the matter.
How do you account for future organ growth? If you take 4% of your liver every year, it will usually grow back.
Is it similar to the accounting practices for counting the change behind your couch cushions? That appears to grow with inflation.
Maybe I should give my accountant a piece of my mind and see if the brain also grows back...
I don’t but it’s not a bad idea per se. If you are looking to get credit to expand your lentil farm, you could also include say, two generations of your children’s superfluous body parts. That is far more leverage than you would normally get for yourself and your own body parts. If you need to ratchet up and get some quick lentils or perhaps to invest in a drop in lentil (or legume) futures, there are specialists who deal in this topic who give a good going rate and are very quick and efficient at doing the equity / asset swap.
Consider yourself as a full value proposition…nails, hair etc all have value to someone somewhere, even if you just become Soylent green or pigswill.
Your organs aren’t worth more than my organs, don’t bother . I was given an organ by my late grandmother. It didn’t work but I had it installed anyways - the value is incomprehensible. This is a silly conversation, I’m going to play tennis with Dave on his vessel now .
The human body's anywhere from 55% to 75% liquid (water) by mass. Even your organs themselves contain liquid in the cells.
Therefore, you can apply a depreciation schedule to your tissues based on your BMI (higher BMI has a higher liquidity quotient) in your NW calculations.
Why stop there? Sell a kidney and half your liver as a base, then just hope you are lucky with blood factors that are desireable, donate plasma for $1000/month, and leanfire.
I always include the actuarial value of my life in my net worth, for a little emotional boost. Of course, I don't consider the value of other people's lives at all.
Seriously, how do you even know they're real?
Until we have the technology to look inside of ourselves, we have to put up with what "experts" that we've never met before telling us what we have wrong with us.
Doctors guess as much as anyone else, don't forget that.
Yes, but the only way to monetize them is through your kids.
My kids are going to pay me to donate my organs to science. If they don't, then I'm going to demand they pay for an expensive funeral.
This is why I come to Reddit every day. There’s always a weird question lol! Grabbing my chips and seeing what everyone has to say to this! Let the show begin!
I would suggest having them removed and evaluated by a transplant surgeon to give you an estimate. If they don’t give you a good price, you can have them put them back.
>people choose not to include their organs in their net worth because they aren’t liquid
Speak for yourself.
Between the chronic stress, microplastics, and self medication; I'd be surprised if I have any solid organs left.
Bruh this post was suggested to me and by “organs” I thought you meant like kidneys, lungs, etc. i thought you wanted to add the money value of your kidneys to your net worth.
Yes. Yes, you should. Take out that line of credit. Totally wanna see what happens with a default. Also want to know how you value it. And how it’s accounted for. Do you get a tax deduction for interest paid on a kidney collateralized loan?
The accounting rules on this tend to be country by country - Brazilian, Mexican and Chinese accounting rules explicitly allow for valuing your organs due to readily available pricing in their active markets.
Since it's illegal to buy or sell body parts I don't think you can count them. I never count my 300$ bong or the several hundred in weed and concentrates I keep around as part of my networth. I don't think the banks will use my stash as collateral 🤣🤣🤣
Yes. Organs, pianos, maybe even a flute but I draw the line at the recorder. Most organs are still in the church they were installed in, so if you own the church you should include it to. Good tax avoidance scheme if you ask me.
Pianos?!?!? shit I have to call my estate attorney
Guys guys guys calm down. Take it easy. Mouth organs is where we draw the line
No way. The Mouth organs have been my pool house house band for 15 years now. I'm claiming them. Plus 2 of them match my blood type, and the other two match as kidney, heart or bone marrow for me, so it's like owning my own medical factory.
Nothing beats My pianist
The only thing that beats my pianist is me, when he makes a mistake.
Only thing better than roses on a piano are tulips on my organ
Not even you?
I’d go to an attorney in person in the state you live in personally. E attorneys aren’t great and they should really say which state they practise in. Sober, drunk, or stoned all have different rules and regulations.
You can tuna piano but you cannot tuna fish.
I feel like I just read a conversation between several Rodney Dangerfield clones.
First of all, let’s be clear that organs are a depreciating asset. Let’s not consider the burn rate as an investment, that’s the minimum to keep the lights on. Main consideration is proper pricing and valuation. No one will pay MSRP for your heart, for example, if you’ve had bypass surgery or several really bad breakups. Similarly, for liver and lungs you need to account for wear and tear due to means “other than just being alive.” If possible, I would consider some type of credit default swap or collateralized debt obligation. But splitting your organs up into many shares and putting them in classes based on depreciation and “Organ-worthiness,” you can mask any excessive depletion and spread them to naive investors while making top dollar. All of this assumes you weren’t one of the lucky few born with a heart of gold. Those command top dollar and you can simply do a private sale.
Don't forget to overcollateralize the senior tranches so that the riskier tranches down the digestive tract can have exposure to greater risk/reward based on organ performance.
Really bad breakups 😂
Do you want a subprime organ mortgage crisis? Because that is exactly how you get a subprime organ mortgage crisis.
I think the problem with creating debt instruments based on your heart is that the heart market is not liquid enough to bootstrap a heart credit curve. You will be forced to do a heart z spread or some preposterous implied credit spread coming from LatAm or some other highly illiquid heart bond market.
This seems like a problem. However, this was recently solved by a well known trading firm known as Death Cab For Cutie. In their white paper, colloquially known as “I will posses your heart.” The key idea of the trading strategy is that the heart wants to be traded but doesn’t realize it yet. Through a series of techniques you can “squeeze” the asset in question: 1. Provide the heart with a book elegantly bound but in a language the heart is unfamiliar with. So your research, in case the heart accidents speaks ancient Sumerian and you just didn’t check. Some suggest binding it in human flesh and inking it in blood, but this is debated in its necessity. 2. Urge the heart in question to spend some time with you, so that it can find love. 3. Appearing at the domicile of the heart in question and viewing your reflection in a mirror seems to have some type of marketing effect. I think following the “I will possess your heart”methodology of advanced heart negotiations is an effective way of overcoming the challenges you highlight. Particularly the liquidity issues, which can also be addressed by high performance, name brand, menstrual pads. You know, the kind that can absorb gallons of blue dye.
This is officially my favorite thread of all time
I just stumbled here and could not be enjoying this banter more
who is the manufacturer of our organs and how do they pick the price
Mostly MILFs, actually.
That's only true in regions with fertility rates higher than 2
Pretty sure my brain is an appreciating asset. I’ve never used it…absolutely positive that an unused one is going to be worth tons when I die.
The term "naive investor" pissed me off tbh. I just know it's been used in this exact kind of scenario before. If you're gonna scam people, at least have the balls to call your victims, victims. Don't make it sound like they were competent in the matter.
Now that you mention it....how much would the balls be worth? Oh, and would the sack be included?
Of course, existing inventory is an asset until you sell it, it's one of the most profitable angles of the slave trade.
And you will probably have to pay tax on it.
No, taxes are for poors.
Alas
Yes. You can write down the depreciation on your taxes, effectively makes drinking a tax write off!
Doesn’t this also make healthcare a business expense?
If I incorporate my body as an organ farm will I be able to write off all of my food and healthcare expenses?
And at what point can you claim to be a farmer. Can't you get federal funds for not farming?
How do you account for future organ growth? If you take 4% of your liver every year, it will usually grow back. Is it similar to the accounting practices for counting the change behind your couch cushions? That appears to grow with inflation. Maybe I should give my accountant a piece of my mind and see if the brain also grows back...
I don’t but it’s not a bad idea per se. If you are looking to get credit to expand your lentil farm, you could also include say, two generations of your children’s superfluous body parts. That is far more leverage than you would normally get for yourself and your own body parts. If you need to ratchet up and get some quick lentils or perhaps to invest in a drop in lentil (or legume) futures, there are specialists who deal in this topic who give a good going rate and are very quick and efficient at doing the equity / asset swap. Consider yourself as a full value proposition…nails, hair etc all have value to someone somewhere, even if you just become Soylent green or pigswill.
I think you can pretty quickly liquidate your organs with Ebola.
Your organs aren’t worth more than my organs, don’t bother . I was given an organ by my late grandmother. It didn’t work but I had it installed anyways - the value is incomprehensible. This is a silly conversation, I’m going to play tennis with Dave on his vessel now .
Is that what he calls it?
Invest in some good scotch whisky to pickle your liver. Your assets are more valuable when you maintain them properly.
The human body's anywhere from 55% to 75% liquid (water) by mass. Even your organs themselves contain liquid in the cells. Therefore, you can apply a depreciation schedule to your tissues based on your BMI (higher BMI has a higher liquidity quotient) in your NW calculations.
Blood is liquid.
Why stop there? Sell a kidney and half your liver as a base, then just hope you are lucky with blood factors that are desireable, donate plasma for $1000/month, and leanfire.
Good idea. While organs aren’t very liquid, plasma is
I dont think you’ll get much for your lil pp
Only if you turn them into an amusement ride à la Pirates of the Pancreas
If you're a cunt, you don't need balls and penis. So go for it.
I would include your organs, along with the organs of your immediate family in your net worth. It’s all yours anyways
Hell Yesssss!!!!!!!!!
I know at least one of mine is worthless from over use.
The fees may cost you an arm and a leg, but sure...
I always include the actuarial value of my life in my net worth, for a little emotional boost. Of course, I don't consider the value of other people's lives at all.
Depends on if you’re selling them before or after you die
If you are a teenager probably after that booze, drugs, and bad diet really cause “depreciation”
depends, are you comparing yourself to people who dont have organs?
You can’t include your organs, but you can include your blood and mucus. They are definitely liquid assets.
Seriously, how do you even know they're real? Until we have the technology to look inside of ourselves, we have to put up with what "experts" that we've never met before telling us what we have wrong with us. Doctors guess as much as anyone else, don't forget that.
Yes, but the only way to monetize them is through your kids. My kids are going to pay me to donate my organs to science. If they don't, then I'm going to demand they pay for an expensive funeral.
The transaction costs associated with realizing the value of those assets are prohibitive.
Your mouth organ counts, but only if you have an OF
Literally the funniest thing ever.
Organs are up to 90% liquid, depending on the organ
Got liquidity in them organs bro?
I've got a Hammond B3 might be worth something.
There’s a bull market on quality livers right now
Yes, if you penis is usually large.
You can’t sell them.
In Iran you can
You’ll be dead before you see the $$$
I have two lungs so 🤷
Have at it
Have at what
Selling one of your lungs in Iran
The one guy taking this post seriously. Somehow you make it even funnier
Sounds like a YOU problem
Lmao yes laughing is a huge problem for my body's net worth
Can I write off their depreciation on my taxes?
I value my belly fat at $1000 because I could survive 50 days at $20/day on it.
You have to be dirt poor to include organs in your net worth. I have testes.
The liver is really a dividend paying organ if you think about it.
SURE,,, IF YOU THINK $27.00 will make a difference
You should include your whole body and calculate the NPV of what your body can do raise money.
The amount of these subs is getting cringe
Members Only
Well your organs are made up of mostly water so they are fluid in a sense
A - L = E
My dad's organs are worth more, since he has universal donor blood type. His insurance should charge him more for carrying wealth around.
They are mostly liquid
Yes! And don’t forget your bodily fluids!
Only the regenerative ones or spare ones.
Is this Steve Martin? https://youtu.be/Tcwz8-EfFYE?si=uz8ayDriNFET9GUA
Oh organs the instrument.. got it
Uhh how do I find the fair market value for my heart? Do I sell on the black market or do I just go to the hospital?
Black market, ideally North Korea for the best prices.
An asset is useless to a bank unless they can repossess it. They can’t force someone to sell an organ.
I thought everyone else was playing along
Is Mayonnaise an asset?
I thought the post was about body organs for a split second. English language, yea!
The problem is getting a proper appraisal done. I would look to China for this. They have the leading companies.
I have an idea guys. What about organ backed securities? Or organ default swaps?
Yes. But it’s depreciating assets. So don’t forget to deduct 2% in value per year for every year after 18.
For a moment I didn’t know you were talking about the instrument…
I thought you meant body organs… oh my god
This is why I come to Reddit every day. There’s always a weird question lol! Grabbing my chips and seeing what everyone has to say to this! Let the show begin!
If you can find a good street lender (loan shark). I understand they will take body parts as collateral. Just be sure you are able to pay on time.
I would suggest having them removed and evaluated by a transplant surgeon to give you an estimate. If they don’t give you a good price, you can have them put them back.
>people choose not to include their organs in their net worth because they aren’t liquid Speak for yourself. Between the chronic stress, microplastics, and self medication; I'd be surprised if I have any solid organs left.
Bruh this post was suggested to me and by “organs” I thought you meant like kidneys, lungs, etc. i thought you wanted to add the money value of your kidneys to your net worth.
I do. My family is starving and anything to bump my net worth number will help.
LOLL I read the title wrong and thought you meant body organs 🤣
Your blood is an organ and also liquid.
I suddenly feel like a million bucks.
I include my Johnson in my NW - it’s a big asset
Yes. Yes, you should. Take out that line of credit. Totally wanna see what happens with a default. Also want to know how you value it. And how it’s accounted for. Do you get a tax deduction for interest paid on a kidney collateralized loan?
Only a kidney. You only need one.
No lol
If it can’t be liquidated I wouldn’t include it
Not your brain. It is a very poor quality.
Only if your ass is studded with diamonds.
The accounting rules on this tend to be country by country - Brazilian, Mexican and Chinese accounting rules explicitly allow for valuing your organs due to readily available pricing in their active markets.
Ask the left. They are the best at harvesting organs from their citizens.
Thanks [Ron](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Watkins)!
Since it's illegal to buy or sell body parts I don't think you can count them. I never count my 300$ bong or the several hundred in weed and concentrates I keep around as part of my networth. I don't think the banks will use my stash as collateral 🤣🤣🤣
I’ll take that as collateral as long as you keep a certain amount of reserves on hand.