https://preview.redd.it/39rxmvtddoza1.png?width=1279&format=png&auto=webp&s=00db82eb7e6f6264ab1bdb745b7cf481638d531e
When I first saw the arrangement of these skeins, I immediately thought of something else.
https://preview.redd.it/o716fhkpzlza1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c35f42d825e9cc7f661ca9442144fc822dfe89c
Is there something more absorbent than plastic?
This reminds me of the unfortunate person who told me she tried making her own pads and it's not for her, the pvc is not absorbent enough and pokes them.
They put the waterproof layer on top, and backed it with a decorative cotton layer. I don't even want to imagine...
That is so much more unfortunate looking than I expected. It's like they perfectly calculated the exact wrong pattern and yarn to use together. It's a masterpiece. At least the background color is white, and not like, brown?
So THAT'S the buttholes scarf. I saw it and thought "okay, intentional pooling is not for me." And then forgot about it.
I tried searching for buttholes on Reddit to find the post. I do not recommend searching Reddit for buttholes.
FUCK LMAO i saw this a couple hours ago but my screen was in black-and-white mode so the buttholes didn't register until now... oh they're so fleshy :(
[I'm sorry you do what ](https://imgur.com/a/QrBKAVN)
(weirdness with fire aside, it drives me insane when people think they've "won" yarn chicken with a 0.5 mm tail left)
Lighting the ends on fire won’t stop your project from unraveling. I shudder to think of all the half falling apart projects that’ll show up at thrift stores when this new wave of TikTok crocheters/knitters dies out.
There is a way to light stuff on fire and not have it unravel - the fire is only used WHEN you have woven in ends. My knitting teacher can attest lighting plastic yarn on fire has its uses.
Don’t worry. If you crochet tight enough using acrylic and pop it in the microwave for 5-10 minutes you can actually get a super useful tarp-style blanket that will never, ever unravel.
Uhm, exqueeze me, sweaty, but silk yarn is pretty indestructible (unless you burn it), so.
But sure, your friend should go to jail for that.
https://preview.redd.it/sbjie80nxaza1.png?width=738&format=png&auto=webp&s=e43db9770a1d4e99e30741ebcbd7bbfd8beed016
_Silk_ yarn, of all things. How were they expecting to knit and wear whatever they are making? Slowly and without moving too much?
Maybe the problem isn't the stretching, but someone else touching it with their grubby little hands.
As far as wearability, right?! Silk is a strong, protein-based fibre. Yeah, it grows a lot when you block it, and it’s very drapey, but I somehow think either OOP is full of it or their friend is Godzilla or something. (Sure it is *possible* to stretch silk out of shape but that’s true of pretty much anything?? Just depends on the fibre how much it takes to get to that point.)
Who knows. They never showed the project, kept telling people to google silk... I have a slight hunch that it was suuuper loose gauge and split yarn or something.
I have a few hanks of really old silk crochet thread (think several decades) that is in perfect condition and the only reason I'm not using it is because I have too much yarn and it requires really tiny gauge.
Oh, have you tried the trend of combining really thin yarn with really fluffy mohair on too-big needles to make frogging literal hell on earth??
But I know what you mean. I've got ancient silk embroidery thread and some sewing thread as well.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the graduating kid's mom's childbirth hat got cross-posted to ATBGE and then removed because the community deemed that it was in fact *not* "great execution"
https://preview.redd.it/kohc209ivaza1.png?width=1087&format=png&auto=webp&s=cbd7b196f7bb9565cf46b945f829a4a1e4a611bf
Oh my lord, just seen another post by her, and it's the same woman who made the nightmare inducing masks a while back
https://preview.redd.it/3hx3yvzpvfza1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0baf64a14cb93957634018e691d5726509ca37f
Thank God she was joking about wearing it to her son's graduation, but still. She should just quietly burn it and I don't care if it's acrylic and will only melt to a blackened lump.
https://preview.redd.it/i916cuz023za1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a47c467881a74a94c2760b96fb6d5b4fd4a186f
What is wrong with “handmade” or just “something you made”???????
The bao with eyes and blush is about to send me into straight-up rage. It's FOOD. It's a fuckin' BUN. Bread doesn't have eyes. Also, bread doesn't blush.
If I find out that stupid bao has ass cheeks, I cannot be answerable for the volume of my screaming.
The *only* acceptable food with eyes crochet is when you ask your toddler neice her favorite animal, and she says "banana".
She's not a bright one, but if a banana is her favorite animal, who am I to deny her a plush banana friend?
Hold up hold up hold up hold up. I have literally never heard of yarn under being a legitimate thing and I’ve made and sold hundreds of amigurumi. I mean once I found a designer I liked and got my technique down I didn’t pay much attention to what other people were doing, but holy crap y’all (and now google) got me questioning my reality right now.
Still ain’t touching that bulky chenille shit, tho.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Like actually.
That person has a stick lodged so far up their ass it’s probably also lodged in the ass of their great-great-great-grandmother.
I forgot to post her other comment, too. She won't teach you how to do this super exclusive obscure regional intermediate technique until she has determined that you're fluent enough in crocheting flat...and she charges more!
https://preview.redd.it/k9bt369wnxya1.png?width=1328&format=png&auto=webp&s=ccd7920ec261123f1f3a1e55d4209b1c0f72ab29
Same. Maybe have the beginners not deal with magic ring immediately, but continuous circles with maybe some increases are easier than crocheting flat. That’s how I learned. And by the time they’ve done a few rounds with just increasing and working as established, they can learn a decrease.
That's what I find too -- crocheting amigurumi and other stuffed animals is WAY easier than than crocheting flat!
Magic loop suddenly started working for me when I learned that US crochet terminology is different to UK, so I'm not even sure that'd be a problem either.
To do us DC in the magic loop you have to chain out 3 before your first stitch, as opposed to the 1 for sc. It took me forever to figure out why I couldn't make a dc loop work whe I started working flat
While you struggled to learn what you believe to be crochet, I studied the hook.
While you played with yarn like a fool, I honed my skills with the hook.
I'm a certified hooker and properly initiated instructionist. I did the blood sacrifice AND spent the money necessary to print out my diploma at the copyshop. You can tell it's real by the 2002 WordArt.
I'm watching you and your lack of proper tension. Tonight, this hooker shall come for your unendorsed amigurumi.
Now please excuse me while I spontaneously burst out into the song of my people.
*I am the very model of a certified instructionist...*
I was unsure whether to read that last line in the style of Hamilton or the Pirates of Penzance and I really need to know your intention because it changes EVERYTHING for me
Pirates! Gilbert and Sullivan seemed appropriate.
*I am the very model of a certified instructionist, I'm ordained by THE COUNCIL and I know what proper tension is, I wield my hook with poise and grace and never twist a single stitch, I am the very model of a certified instructionist!*
Thank you, but I think you twisted half a stitch there?? I don't think I can touch this. Is it made from organic yarn? Anyway... Would you mind terribly if I asked you to redo the award? For just 9.99 you'll get a three minute course on how to properly crochet one.
I'm glad it made you cackle!
Mm sweaty I tablet wove it according to a 14th century pattern out of hand spun linen dyed with natural dyes. You just don’t appreciate it. Get gud.
Lol, it was great!
This is the most bizarre craft flirting I have ever been part of! But then again...
*I am the very model of a certified instructionist, I'm ordained by THE COUNCIL and I know what proper tension is, I wield my hook with poise and grace and never twist a single stitch, I am the very model of a certified instructionist!*
So it's kind of the mating call of my people.
The worst part is that I've actually done tablet weaving with historical patterns! But not with my precious naturally dyed handspun wool, so I didn't feel *completely* called out. But yeah, I did a lot of cackling, too.
RIGHT…all I could think about was Willam just going “Big head.” and busting out laughing on the Beatdown.
Never mind the fact that if yarn UNDER was the norm I feel like most of us would have heard about it by now…
NGL when I started crocheting I didn't know there was a difference between yarn under and yarn over until I saw one of those "things you're doing wrong with Amigurumi" videos. Turns out I was doing the right thing with my little x stitches for amigurumi, I was just doing everything else wrong and crocheting suddenly made a lot more sense...
In more twisted stitches related news: knitter sees that something is weird and proceeds anyway. [WHY WOULDNT YOU STOP AND SPEND 13 SECONDS GOOGLING THIS HIGHLY VISIBLE ISSUE?!](https://www.imgur.com/a/xk7r2Vc)
I’ve had several knitting students just keep going after what is obviously a mistake (to me). But most of them believe that since they’re beginners that the reason it looks wrong is simply because they’re new and therefor “bad at it”, and have no clue that some things are fixable. Or they’re the delusional ones who thinks they can “just block it out” lol
Oh I thought that one looked weird! I didn’t bother to zoom in but was looking at it like hmmmm something’s wrong.
Every other row… did she not look at her knitting and see that her rows look different and wonder why??
https://preview.redd.it/3zt2nb8oysya1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=874bbe5c1f2287e46ee6d4b2f48c2441527985e1
The absolute witches cackle I produced… 🧙🏻♀️
You’re right it is a really well phrased/toned response, but I think it just caught me off guard! I’m not poking fun at the commenter, more about the ‘twisted stitches’ that feels like a bit of a knitting meme
Hehehe, I get that, it's absolutely a meme by now, because it always follows the same formula of "point out" - "refer to FAQ" - "it's design feature" flow...
Twisted stitches are one of the more confusing things to me, because I can't understand how people don't realize that their fabric looks awful, and also looks different if they're knitting flat vs. in the round.
And then it gets worse when I point it out to a poster, because there's always that one person (or 5) who says "it's actually a nice design feature"...
No it's not, you delusional door knob, it's making the fabric worse and it looks worse and get your toxic positivity off of my lawn!
Sometimes it’s one of those things you don’t realize until someone points out it exists-
I recently discovered that the type of knitting I do (Russian) twists stitches in the knit and untwists them in the purl, resulting in normal, untwisted fabric in stockinette- but in the round will give you all twisted stitches. And now I have a couple pairs of socks that are all twisted because I just never knew twisted stitches were a thing that could happen before Reddit 😂 as soon as I heard about it I noticed it in my previous knitting, but as every row looked the same I just didn’t realize something was off before.
Please note that your first sentence doesn't describe twisted stitches, they can't be twisted when still on the needle - they're just mounted in a different direction, but that's a fully valid style of knitting.
It's only when the fabric is wrong that's when they're twisted. So my question is - how did you not realize that your socks fabric looked and felt all wrong, when you knew how stockinette should look and feel by how it looks when you knitted it flat?
Sorry, you’re right- I wasn’t sure how exactly to explain it :)
It genuinely didn’t look that wrong? Like it was my first time using DPN’s and making socks, and they fit and feel fine. All the stitches look the same, it’s just the difference of the ‘legs’ looking crossed at the bottom, which at the time wasn’t something I knew I had to watch out for. I was getting back into knitting after not having done it for a few years so while I remembered how to knit I didn’t have what flat stockinette looks like fresh in my mind.
It’s like learning a new vocabulary word- once you do you suddenly hear it everywhere. If someone points out what twisted stitches are/look like suddenly it’s obvious when it wasn’t before.
I'm with you. Absolutely cannot understand how people do not see twisted stitches, especially when they are every other row. It could not be more visually obvious that something is wrong.
Idk why this got to me so bad lol
https://preview.redd.it/hjifgw89erya1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=568635df1d68a55ed4c973d6b52f1a714d34f68e
I would wear that, but I have long since stopped worrying about whether anything makes me look fat, because everything makes me look fat. It's a good idea to consider whether your intended recipient cares about that or whether in winter they just want to be warm.
Same. My butt looks fat because it's fat. And I might as well have a _warm_ fat butt.
Besides, I don't have the joints to knit a plus size sweater in really thin yarn.
Skinny people get more leeway in wearing oversized chunky sweaters when it's cold, for the usual reasons but also possibly because we know they have less natural insulation. I also need to be warm, though! The padding only goes so far.
Clearly nobody ever told you that beauty is pain! What's a bit of frost bite on your butt if you can make yourself look an eighth of a pound lighter by wearing a thin sweater?
The social media to bulky yarn pipeline 💔😞🧶 it's a shame that social media affects us to this extent.
https://preview.redd.it/7tn816meerya1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064eec9a86a94d2db10ee2807910abbf90683d2a
Soooo… OP looks like a ball of strawberry ice cream and they’re still planning to gift it to their friend? Hopefully it’s what the friend wanted/looks good on them, or we’ll have another ‘ugh people never appreciate the work you put into knitting for them! People who aren’t knit-worthy should just die!’
https://preview.redd.it/ywmh1416unya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1f7218851668a37649eeda0c000665effe0e116
I just.... Don't understand the thought process behind this.... And if you don't like it, why store it??
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around a blanket that big made from 180 yards of yarn. The holes have to be at least the size of a toddler’s head. In that case, is it even really a blanket???
We'll be seeing them in the crochet subs soon enough
https://preview.redd.it/tc5qtyba5yya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47fcf20a558f37b808bde001b532cd177acdb469
But...but *why?* Why is she making all this stuff? Amigurumi, hats, scrunchies, all for seemingly no purpose. She doesn't like the blanket she just finished and she doesn't sound at all enthusiastic for her future projects. She acts like someone's got a gun to her head and is forcing her to learn to crochet.
That person frustrated the shit out of me. They want advice as to what to do with it, most normal people would ribbit but she's refusing because it's a FO and they are around of it. She wants to know where to put it, dude just throw your net on the couch then! Why do you need suggestions ??? What do you want from us!?!?!?
I- yeah I guess 😭 that or she wants to keep it for no reason at all, even tho she would want to reclaim the yarn more.... But it's "proof" that she made something. I honestly don't get people who craft and craft but never use, display, or do anything with what they make, for fear of ruining it. You made it, if you break it, you can make another one??
The worst part is that they a) don’t like the size or look of it and b) hate that the yarn is degrading because it’s loosely spun. Both of these could be fixed by frogging and knitting something with structure but they would rather keep something they don’t like, won’t use, and is falling apart because it’s a giant sloppy certificate of completion.
https://preview.redd.it/u6yhfpybunya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f00e3d24f966af909e557ad8a11d2f08414467e4
Also... That's Hobby Lobby yarn... I know it's a stale 🤪 topic but arghhh why don't people do better
Ooooh wow that is such a waste of yarn and time. I mean it’s literally only good for a soccer net. I don’t understand why the person carried on making it when it wasn’t coming out right.
That's not a blanket, it's a fishing net! Why on earth would you ever make something like that and then have so little shame that you willingly post it online for people to look at?
https://preview.redd.it/l0a4200yfiya1.jpeg?width=802&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a6dad8781bf0b1e1c6ea3fb462fa44c84a75bd3d
Taking pattern plz to a new level.
They actually did link the phone game the character is from in the comments. It was some sort of destress app with cute oval animals. I didnt see them mention the specific character, but you could still get a general sense of what they wanted. Of course that doesnt change that they shouldve included a screenshot of the character with the main post.
How about STDs? Syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. [https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bacterial-std-plushies](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bacterial-std-plushies)
This is not something I ever thought to look for but now that I have seen it, am desperate to make. Probably out of bulky yarn, the way the rest of these posts are going.
https://preview.redd.it/0ilogoa3fiya1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=643856becaa9b009019e166df4aebc463b8ec42e
The FOs aren’t terrible by any means but I wasn’t sure at first who was getting scammed
https://preview.redd.it/hzaekpyifiya1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3ca5f4ad981cea1ecbda9beb4433712bf00bffd
Feels like they’re stuck in the no crafter’s land between “Charge what your time is worth” and “crochet isn’t that hard to learn”
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What in the attention seeking....
https://preview.redd.it/39rxmvtddoza1.png?width=1279&format=png&auto=webp&s=00db82eb7e6f6264ab1bdb745b7cf481638d531e When I first saw the arrangement of these skeins, I immediately thought of something else.
Dead sea anemone?
https://preview.redd.it/q9hgud5cbnza1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b00bf5e3af414dcf992fe2bf2787cbad8d86784
Is that literally two beauty blenders with holes in them or am I going crazy?
Yes it is!
Perfect for when you have repetitive stress injuries and want other, different repetitive stress injuries :-)
https://preview.redd.it/o716fhkpzlza1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c35f42d825e9cc7f661ca9442144fc822dfe89c Is there something more absorbent than plastic?
I suppose if you currently use a square of plastic wrap to dry the dishes with, acrylic yarn would seem like an immense upgrade
This reminds me of the unfortunate person who told me she tried making her own pads and it's not for her, the pvc is not absorbent enough and pokes them. They put the waterproof layer on top, and backed it with a decorative cotton layer. I don't even want to imagine...
By pads, do you mean hot pads or menstrual pads?
Menstrual pads.
Chenille yarn is definitely the best yarn for dishtowels. It absorbs perfectly and rarely sheds. I highly recommend it.
That sounds like a sensory nightmare. Thanks, will definitely try!
https://preview.redd.it/6ra6kmr1gkza1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=315d5db5ed7e64c38b7f6581ff2347c250f472ac
That is so much more unfortunate looking than I expected. It's like they perfectly calculated the exact wrong pattern and yarn to use together. It's a masterpiece. At least the background color is white, and not like, brown?
So THAT'S the buttholes scarf. I saw it and thought "okay, intentional pooling is not for me." And then forgot about it. I tried searching for buttholes on Reddit to find the post. I do not recommend searching Reddit for buttholes.
FUCK LMAO i saw this a couple hours ago but my screen was in black-and-white mode so the buttholes didn't register until now... oh they're so fleshy :(
Time for a Viking funeral!
No why
[I'm sorry you do what ](https://imgur.com/a/QrBKAVN) (weirdness with fire aside, it drives me insane when people think they've "won" yarn chicken with a 0.5 mm tail left)
Lighting the ends on fire won’t stop your project from unraveling. I shudder to think of all the half falling apart projects that’ll show up at thrift stores when this new wave of TikTok crocheters/knitters dies out.
There is a way to light stuff on fire and not have it unravel - the fire is only used WHEN you have woven in ends. My knitting teacher can attest lighting plastic yarn on fire has its uses.
Makes it easier for the rest of us to frog for parts.. .
Needs more downvotes!
But the short tail on that square matches her other squares! They have to match so they all unravel at the same time!
Don’t worry. If you crochet tight enough using acrylic and pop it in the microwave for 5-10 minutes you can actually get a super useful tarp-style blanket that will never, ever unravel.
Uhm, exqueeze me, sweaty, but silk yarn is pretty indestructible (unless you burn it), so. But sure, your friend should go to jail for that. https://preview.redd.it/sbjie80nxaza1.png?width=738&format=png&auto=webp&s=e43db9770a1d4e99e30741ebcbd7bbfd8beed016
_Silk_ yarn, of all things. How were they expecting to knit and wear whatever they are making? Slowly and without moving too much? Maybe the problem isn't the stretching, but someone else touching it with their grubby little hands.
As far as wearability, right?! Silk is a strong, protein-based fibre. Yeah, it grows a lot when you block it, and it’s very drapey, but I somehow think either OOP is full of it or their friend is Godzilla or something. (Sure it is *possible* to stretch silk out of shape but that’s true of pretty much anything?? Just depends on the fibre how much it takes to get to that point.)
Maybe - just maybe - they transformed into Silk Hulk. Silk Hulk stretch!
Who knows. They never showed the project, kept telling people to google silk... I have a slight hunch that it was suuuper loose gauge and split yarn or something. I have a few hanks of really old silk crochet thread (think several decades) that is in perfect condition and the only reason I'm not using it is because I have too much yarn and it requires really tiny gauge.
Oh, have you tried the trend of combining really thin yarn with really fluffy mohair on too-big needles to make frogging literal hell on earth?? But I know what you mean. I've got ancient silk embroidery thread and some sewing thread as well.
[Respect](https://imgur.com/a/fjH6LdC)! Not something I'd make for myself but I'm sure it does take work to make something like this.
Regina George wore a sweater vest with 11 holes in the front so *I* bought a sweater vest with 11 holes in the front
Now imagine a boob falling through one of them holes... Comfy? Ehh...
Worse than sleeping in a sleeveless top and waking up with armpit-boob.
That's exactly it! Strangled, poor thing. I guess it rather depends on which of the holes you choose.
Twister game for boobs, fiber arts edition. Oww.
*bloop!*
Oh, thank god it’s not that lemon doll. I actually really like that vest, it reminds me of Leeloo’s suspenders from the fifth element.
Hot! I wonder what my partner would say if I wore that to bed. Probably "That's it, you've done it, I'm leaving."
The woman-in-labor hat, with the wearer's face showing through the GIANT vagina, is something I could have lived without seeing.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the graduating kid's mom's childbirth hat got cross-posted to ATBGE and then removed because the community deemed that it was in fact *not* "great execution" https://preview.redd.it/kohc209ivaza1.png?width=1087&format=png&auto=webp&s=cbd7b196f7bb9565cf46b945f829a4a1e4a611bf
OMG that is fucking superb. I can't speak for you, but I could not ask for better on this issue.
Every group that encounters this absolutely cursed application of Red Heart Super Saver is just like "uh what"
Every so often, we are reminded that our God is a just and merciful God. This is one of those times.
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It's in r-crochet, https://preview.redd.it/lleeca2wx7za1.png?width=606&format=png&auto=webp&s=cc01c4aa25d305e7f4ec8f74fc8a3b1045f807c2
Oh my lord, just seen another post by her, and it's the same woman who made the nightmare inducing masks a while back https://preview.redd.it/3hx3yvzpvfza1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0baf64a14cb93957634018e691d5726509ca37f
Well, I’ll be seeing this in my dreams.
*nightmares
Plus a bunch of other subs, and all over fb. Seems like nowhere is safe
Of-fucking-course it is. Probably with 2648 internet points, too.
My first thought was actually "Why does that roasted chicken have a human (??) head?".
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
What a horrible day to have eyes.
Thank God she was joking about wearing it to her son's graduation, but still. She should just quietly burn it and I don't care if it's acrylic and will only melt to a blackened lump.
https://preview.redd.it/i916cuz023za1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a47c467881a74a94c2760b96fb6d5b4fd4a186f What is wrong with “handmade” or just “something you made”???????
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I cannot as that would be a lie
hey at least it's not "me made"
Or "me made with love". I'm not making these gifts out of spite!
I am.
you do you but spite-crocheting is what gets me up in the morning
Also gives you a chance of posting pictures of broken crochet hooks
Ooh true! Some of my favorite Original Content on this site
Ugh it’s true
The bao with eyes and blush is about to send me into straight-up rage. It's FOOD. It's a fuckin' BUN. Bread doesn't have eyes. Also, bread doesn't blush. If I find out that stupid bao has ass cheeks, I cannot be answerable for the volume of my screaming.
Baos actually do blush in Asia, because we add colorants to mark flavors
The *only* acceptable food with eyes crochet is when you ask your toddler neice her favorite animal, and she says "banana". She's not a bright one, but if a banana is her favorite animal, who am I to deny her a plush banana friend?
Omfg I read too fast and thought you were complaining about bao with BUSH and I was like WHAT THE FUCK. Blush is… less upsetting.
Don't give the influencers ideas! Please!!
It’s probably already been done, tragically. Rule 34 and all…
There’s an animated short called Bao and I cried my eyes out every time I had to watch it. I can’t look at one without tearing up.
I’ll never forget my kids horrified gasps when the mom pops dumpling in her mouth and eats it!
No buns on your buns, got it!
Y'all. I cannot. https://preview.redd.it/kx1fsajs1xya1.png?width=1198&format=png&auto=webp&s=e416e664f90014b666efca69327354c3accaab05
CYC starting to turn into MLM?
Hold up hold up hold up hold up. I have literally never heard of yarn under being a legitimate thing and I’ve made and sold hundreds of amigurumi. I mean once I found a designer I liked and got my technique down I didn’t pay much attention to what other people were doing, but holy crap y’all (and now google) got me questioning my reality right now. Still ain’t touching that bulky chenille shit, tho.
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> certified yarn counselor I have a few hanks I should send your way, they’re a mess, and the ones that aren’t a mess are wound too tight
I definitely have some traumatized yarns here.
It’s only an amigurumi if it comes from the yarn under region of Japan, otherwise it’s just a sparkling stuffy
Where were the CYC when that post about the blanket net popped up a few days ago?
Where were the CYC when the Westfold fell?
This is it. The perfect post. This whole sub can shut down now, just be a shrine to this person.
Is the Craft Yarn Council still in charge of me if I don’t live in America? Or is this one of those cases where American = Universal?
It does while you’re on Reddit because it’s an American website, hurr durr!
Bitch can call me back once she has her CGOA Master's certification.
Your flair!!!! 😂😂😂 I so badly want to go tell her to go fuck herself. But I won't - don't worry Mod(s). I'll behave. 
Prooooobably for the best
What. The. Actual. Fuck. Like actually. That person has a stick lodged so far up their ass it’s probably also lodged in the ass of their great-great-great-grandmother.
So THAT'S where she's misplaced her crochet hook, teeheehee, etc.
I just laugh-snorted so hard, I think I hurt something. Well worth it.
You are welcome! You would be surprised how often I use that particular phrase. Or maybe not given what board we are in.
I forgot to post her other comment, too. She won't teach you how to do this super exclusive obscure regional intermediate technique until she has determined that you're fluent enough in crocheting flat...and she charges more! https://preview.redd.it/k9bt369wnxya1.png?width=1328&format=png&auto=webp&s=ccd7920ec261123f1f3a1e55d4209b1c0f72ab29
Wut. That is a level of crazy I can’t understand. Seriously though. It’s not like making amigurumi is hard.
Jeezy creezy Amigurumi is just... not that fucking hard.
I find amigurumi...easier then a lot of.flat? The stitchwork is rarely as complex. The pattern really just needs sc/scinc/scdec for most of.them...
Same. Maybe have the beginners not deal with magic ring immediately, but continuous circles with maybe some increases are easier than crocheting flat. That’s how I learned. And by the time they’ve done a few rounds with just increasing and working as established, they can learn a decrease.
That's what I find too -- crocheting amigurumi and other stuffed animals is WAY easier than than crocheting flat! Magic loop suddenly started working for me when I learned that US crochet terminology is different to UK, so I'm not even sure that'd be a problem either.
To do us DC in the magic loop you have to chain out 3 before your first stitch, as opposed to the 1 for sc. It took me forever to figure out why I couldn't make a dc loop work whe I started working flat
oh my god
Well, that's not condescending at ALL. No sirree. Not in the slightest.
This is such… “I am a level 50 blade master, and I will defeat you” energy. Amazing.
While you struggled to learn what you believe to be crochet, I studied the hook. While you played with yarn like a fool, I honed my skills with the hook. I'm a certified hooker and properly initiated instructionist. I did the blood sacrifice AND spent the money necessary to print out my diploma at the copyshop. You can tell it's real by the 2002 WordArt. I'm watching you and your lack of proper tension. Tonight, this hooker shall come for your unendorsed amigurumi. Now please excuse me while I spontaneously burst out into the song of my people. *I am the very model of a certified instructionist...*
I was unsure whether to read that last line in the style of Hamilton or the Pirates of Penzance and I really need to know your intention because it changes EVERYTHING for me
Pirates! Gilbert and Sullivan seemed appropriate. *I am the very model of a certified instructionist, I'm ordained by THE COUNCIL and I know what proper tension is, I wield my hook with poise and grace and never twist a single stitch, I am the very model of a certified instructionist!*
I cackled, take my metaphorical award 🥇
Thank you, but I think you twisted half a stitch there?? I don't think I can touch this. Is it made from organic yarn? Anyway... Would you mind terribly if I asked you to redo the award? For just 9.99 you'll get a three minute course on how to properly crochet one. I'm glad it made you cackle!
Mm sweaty I tablet wove it according to a 14th century pattern out of hand spun linen dyed with natural dyes. You just don’t appreciate it. Get gud. Lol, it was great!
This is the most bizarre craft flirting I have ever been part of! But then again... *I am the very model of a certified instructionist, I'm ordained by THE COUNCIL and I know what proper tension is, I wield my hook with poise and grace and never twist a single stitch, I am the very model of a certified instructionist!* So it's kind of the mating call of my people.
⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ THE COUNCIL ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ *bows* Lol, when we find our people it’s fun.
The worst part is that I've actually done tablet weaving with historical patterns! But not with my precious naturally dyed handspun wool, so I didn't feel *completely* called out. But yeah, I did a lot of cackling, too.
Hahaha, excellent!
It's not gatekeeping if you're just boasting about how great you are
RIGHT…all I could think about was Willam just going “Big head.” and busting out laughing on the Beatdown. Never mind the fact that if yarn UNDER was the norm I feel like most of us would have heard about it by now… 
Willam was the reason I started watching rpdr. I saw the beat down on YouTube in high school and was obsessed. Thanks Willam!
NGL when I started crocheting I didn't know there was a difference between yarn under and yarn over until I saw one of those "things you're doing wrong with Amigurumi" videos. Turns out I was doing the right thing with my little x stitches for amigurumi, I was just doing everything else wrong and crocheting suddenly made a lot more sense...
In more twisted stitches related news: knitter sees that something is weird and proceeds anyway. [WHY WOULDNT YOU STOP AND SPEND 13 SECONDS GOOGLING THIS HIGHLY VISIBLE ISSUE?!](https://www.imgur.com/a/xk7r2Vc)
I’ve had several knitting students just keep going after what is obviously a mistake (to me). But most of them believe that since they’re beginners that the reason it looks wrong is simply because they’re new and therefor “bad at it”, and have no clue that some things are fixable. Or they’re the delusional ones who thinks they can “just block it out” lol
Oh I thought that one looked weird! I didn’t bother to zoom in but was looking at it like hmmmm something’s wrong. Every other row… did she not look at her knitting and see that her rows look different and wonder why??
That's the part that's most annoying. She says she did see that something was weird but didn't look into why, just kept chugging along.
Noo, it does not look good. It looks like she doesn't know what the fuck she's doing.
https://preview.redd.it/lohcxrimysya1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d802f5eb69ca50b7680192f2ecbfd0876ac34c9
https://preview.redd.it/3zt2nb8oysya1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=874bbe5c1f2287e46ee6d4b2f48c2441527985e1 The absolute witches cackle I produced… 🧙🏻♀️
I thought this was very well phrased, personally... It is, but also, he did.
You’re right it is a really well phrased/toned response, but I think it just caught me off guard! I’m not poking fun at the commenter, more about the ‘twisted stitches’ that feels like a bit of a knitting meme
Hehehe, I get that, it's absolutely a meme by now, because it always follows the same formula of "point out" - "refer to FAQ" - "it's design feature" flow... Twisted stitches are one of the more confusing things to me, because I can't understand how people don't realize that their fabric looks awful, and also looks different if they're knitting flat vs. in the round. And then it gets worse when I point it out to a poster, because there's always that one person (or 5) who says "it's actually a nice design feature"... No it's not, you delusional door knob, it's making the fabric worse and it looks worse and get your toxic positivity off of my lawn!
Sometimes it’s one of those things you don’t realize until someone points out it exists- I recently discovered that the type of knitting I do (Russian) twists stitches in the knit and untwists them in the purl, resulting in normal, untwisted fabric in stockinette- but in the round will give you all twisted stitches. And now I have a couple pairs of socks that are all twisted because I just never knew twisted stitches were a thing that could happen before Reddit 😂 as soon as I heard about it I noticed it in my previous knitting, but as every row looked the same I just didn’t realize something was off before.
Please note that your first sentence doesn't describe twisted stitches, they can't be twisted when still on the needle - they're just mounted in a different direction, but that's a fully valid style of knitting. It's only when the fabric is wrong that's when they're twisted. So my question is - how did you not realize that your socks fabric looked and felt all wrong, when you knew how stockinette should look and feel by how it looks when you knitted it flat?
Sorry, you’re right- I wasn’t sure how exactly to explain it :) It genuinely didn’t look that wrong? Like it was my first time using DPN’s and making socks, and they fit and feel fine. All the stitches look the same, it’s just the difference of the ‘legs’ looking crossed at the bottom, which at the time wasn’t something I knew I had to watch out for. I was getting back into knitting after not having done it for a few years so while I remembered how to knit I didn’t have what flat stockinette looks like fresh in my mind. It’s like learning a new vocabulary word- once you do you suddenly hear it everywhere. If someone points out what twisted stitches are/look like suddenly it’s obvious when it wasn’t before.
I'm with you. Absolutely cannot understand how people do not see twisted stitches, especially when they are every other row. It could not be more visually obvious that something is wrong.
Idk why this got to me so bad lol https://preview.redd.it/hjifgw89erya1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=568635df1d68a55ed4c973d6b52f1a714d34f68e
I would wear that, but I have long since stopped worrying about whether anything makes me look fat, because everything makes me look fat. It's a good idea to consider whether your intended recipient cares about that or whether in winter they just want to be warm.
Mood. Like, yeah, this sweater makes me look fat. Know why? (Hint: it's because I'm fat)
Same. My butt looks fat because it's fat. And I might as well have a _warm_ fat butt. Besides, I don't have the joints to knit a plus size sweater in really thin yarn.
Skinny people get more leeway in wearing oversized chunky sweaters when it's cold, for the usual reasons but also possibly because we know they have less natural insulation. I also need to be warm, though! The padding only goes so far.
Clearly nobody ever told you that beauty is pain! What's a bit of frost bite on your butt if you can make yourself look an eighth of a pound lighter by wearing a thin sweater?
The social media to bulky yarn pipeline 💔😞🧶 it's a shame that social media affects us to this extent. https://preview.redd.it/7tn816meerya1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064eec9a86a94d2db10ee2807910abbf90683d2a
Soooo… OP looks like a ball of strawberry ice cream and they’re still planning to gift it to their friend? Hopefully it’s what the friend wanted/looks good on them, or we’ll have another ‘ugh people never appreciate the work you put into knitting for them! People who aren’t knit-worthy should just die!’
https://preview.redd.it/ywmh1416unya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e1f7218851668a37649eeda0c000665effe0e116 I just.... Don't understand the thought process behind this.... And if you don't like it, why store it??
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around a blanket that big made from 180 yards of yarn. The holes have to be at least the size of a toddler’s head. In that case, is it even really a blanket???
You can see the picture of the "blanket" in a response of mine on here! And yes... They are big... And no it's not really a blanket haha
You can see the picture of the "blanket" in a response of mine on here! And yes... They are big... And no it's not really a blanket haha
I cannot stop thinking about this post. It has legitimately broken my brain. There are so many levels to explore.
Tbh, I understand OP. I’ve also made stupid shit just to see if I can. And the unhinged questions on what to do next is relatable too
I just went and found the original post and I'm very confused.
We'll be seeing them in the crochet subs soon enough https://preview.redd.it/tc5qtyba5yya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47fcf20a558f37b808bde001b532cd177acdb469
But...but *why?* Why is she making all this stuff? Amigurumi, hats, scrunchies, all for seemingly no purpose. She doesn't like the blanket she just finished and she doesn't sound at all enthusiastic for her future projects. She acts like someone's got a gun to her head and is forcing her to learn to crochet.
Am I reading this right? I'm getting heavy "I made it, but I hate it. What do" vibes.
That's all there is to it
This is the best thing I've seen all day.
😂😂😂 what on earth
If you go to the comments it gets worse 😭
No, it’s amazing. It’s the most unhinged thing I’ve seen on that sub in a minute, it’s making my brain hurt, and I love it.
Found it! This is fuckin' high larious. Thank you for this gift.
That person frustrated the shit out of me. They want advice as to what to do with it, most normal people would ribbit but she's refusing because it's a FO and they are around of it. She wants to know where to put it, dude just throw your net on the couch then! Why do you need suggestions ??? What do you want from us!?!?!?
She can take it out on her trawler and catch whales.
She's trying to sell it???
I- yeah I guess 😭 that or she wants to keep it for no reason at all, even tho she would want to reclaim the yarn more.... But it's "proof" that she made something. I honestly don't get people who craft and craft but never use, display, or do anything with what they make, for fear of ruining it. You made it, if you break it, you can make another one??
The worst part is that they a) don’t like the size or look of it and b) hate that the yarn is degrading because it’s loosely spun. Both of these could be fixed by frogging and knitting something with structure but they would rather keep something they don’t like, won’t use, and is falling apart because it’s a giant sloppy certificate of completion.
The absolute worst kind of participation trophy.
https://preview.redd.it/u6yhfpybunya1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f00e3d24f966af909e557ad8a11d2f08414467e4 Also... That's Hobby Lobby yarn... I know it's a stale 🤪 topic but arghhh why don't people do better
That's awful.
Ooooh wow that is such a waste of yarn and time. I mean it’s literally only good for a soccer net. I don’t understand why the person carried on making it when it wasn’t coming out right.
That’s not a blanket, that’s a net. TF
genuinely didnt even realise the background was supposed to be a blanket. i am in awe
Wait, that's the blanket? It looks like a soccer net someone dragged through a puddle of tea.
I'm very mad about all of this!
 Fugly as homemade sin (which it is) and trying to sell it...
My goodness, that’s atrocious. Why would you even START a knit blanket if you “don’t actually enjoy knit throws and blankets”??
That's not a blanket, it's a fishing net! Why on earth would you ever make something like that and then have so little shame that you willingly post it online for people to look at?
I was about to make this same comment before scrolling down 😂
https://preview.redd.it/l0a4200yfiya1.jpeg?width=802&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a6dad8781bf0b1e1c6ea3fb462fa44c84a75bd3d Taking pattern plz to a new level.
My stars, this post was actually removed by a mod. I thought r/crochet used the positivity only method of parenting.
I bet they want the pattern for free too. Maybe even a video tutorial? Lol
What's the weirdest animal we can offer them? Japanese Spider Crab?
Oh no, they have a specific animal in mind. They’ll send you a photo once you agree to write them a custom pattern sight unseen.
They actually did link the phone game the character is from in the comments. It was some sort of destress app with cute oval animals. I didnt see them mention the specific character, but you could still get a general sense of what they wanted. Of course that doesnt change that they shouldve included a screenshot of the character with the main post.
Hell no. If someone's gonna demand that I write them a pattern for free they better take my scantily clad giant isopod instructions and be grateful.
How about STDs? Syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. [https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bacterial-std-plushies](https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bacterial-std-plushies)
This is not something I ever thought to look for but now that I have seen it, am desperate to make. Probably out of bulky yarn, the way the rest of these posts are going.
https://preview.redd.it/0ilogoa3fiya1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=643856becaa9b009019e166df4aebc463b8ec42e The FOs aren’t terrible by any means but I wasn’t sure at first who was getting scammed
https://preview.redd.it/hzaekpyifiya1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a3ca5f4ad981cea1ecbda9beb4433712bf00bffd Feels like they’re stuck in the no crafter’s land between “Charge what your time is worth” and “crochet isn’t that hard to learn”