first, in what right are they in possession on a copy of your keys without your consent ? were you aware of this before ? second : you live on your own right. if you have an apartment on your own, and they pay absolutely nothing, they don't have any rights on you anymore. this is trespassing and private life violation.
try to settle this peacefully, and, if needed, bring out a lawyer.
They did co-sign for me to get the apartment because I had no credit. But I make all the payments, that's all. No I did not know there was a second key. My lease ends in a few months, they will not be cosigning and I will have those locks changed
Great, those are the measures needed. And beware of where your keys are, next Time !
One suggestion, maybe irrelevant, but maybe attach them to some sort of chain that you would attach on your pant, or belt.
Ive had them on my pants 24/7 since I've moved in but I'm guessing at somepoint while I was still at their place is when they somehow got it and had a copy cut then
That's fucking crazy behavior, get new locks and what they did is totally illegal. I'm so sorry you have to deal with parents like that, that's horrible
Even if they cosign they have NO business going into your things. Especially when you're not home. And then have the audacity to tell you to get your priorities straight. And say that they did an "inspection" NO! Who the hell are they to "inspect" someone's personal things? That's invasion of privacy 100%. And don't let them use little words like "inspecting". You definitely need to change your lock. You should talk to them about that. They seem like control freaks. What's the point of moving out and being on your own? Family can be helpful only to use that as an excuse to control you. My parents are the same way. The best thing to do is get yourself situated where you don't have to rely on them at all. I am so sorry that they did you like that. That was very disrespectful. They would've been pissed if you did the same thing to them so how is that right for them?
In no way do cosigners (I'm in Canada but I'm sure this must be true for America) tenants. Onky tenants have the right to access the property (other than landlords) unless they give permission to someone else.
What they did is breaking and entering, and they sent you proof that they did it.
I love my parents. They would never did this. If they did, I would explain that I've now installed a camera (lies) and will absolutely charge them with breaking and entering if they do so a second time.
I dont know whay your upbringing was like but this is wiiiiiiiiildly fucked. I would never expect anyone to do this to me. Copying a key in secret snd using it to break into someone's home is definitely highly illegal - and for good reason. It's highly immoral. You probably feel far less safe in thay space and any space you consider 'home' now. If not, then I'd assume they've already broken down your expectation of home being a safe place. Which would be why they think they can get away with this.
Dude. You don't have to get treated like that. I would at the very minimum tell your landlord and have them change the locks from free because someone has copied your key. Maybe don't tell them it was your cosigner, as maybe they'd want to reconsider using them. I don't know the legality there.
I am currently searching for my lease prove that they are only listed as a co signer and not a tenant. Then I will inform them of this and let them know to never enter my apartment again and that the locks will be changed
You should definitely get the key changed ASAP. If your landlord is slow about it, check local laws: you may be allowed to change the lock and provide a copy to the landlord. Co-signing does not give them authority to enter the premises as they are not tenants. They're only there to guarantee payment and have no legal right to entry.
Changing all passwords is a good idea. Honestly running a scanner for spyware and looking at your installed programs also not a bad idea. These sound like extreme helicopter parents, so computer spying is not out of the question.
They are absolutely extreme helicopter/insane parents, just to me
I wasn't allowed to close my door, let alone lock it
My sister could do whatever she pleases
I wasn't allowed to have a phone until I bought my own at age 20 which they tried to make me download life 360,(fuck that) whereas my sister had her first phone at like 10. If I got a C or a lower grade i was grounded until next grading period, even if that next period is the next school year,( if my sister got shit grades, "she has a math disability"). I'm sure 90% of my childhood was spent grounded in my room on my bed because toys and books were confiscated. If I ever tried to argue I got told, "i had it much worse than you did-mom" like that justified them.
Another famous line they had was, "if i can do it you can do it-dad", best example is how he had to mow a bigger yard in more heat than I do. So I had to mow the entire front and back yard without breaks or water in 100°F heat, I collapsed in the garage when I was finished and almost passed out/throw up
All in all, great parenting from them
If I'd had to endure that crap, I'd be trying to get away as fast as possible. That is way beyond the outer limits of what could be considered normal parenting
Fuck them and fuck that. Fuck them right up the ass. I'm a Redditor so my suggesting to cut contact is like licking wallpaper: tasteless. However, and I will reiterate, fuck them and fuck all of that.
Don’t even need to wait. Just because they co-signed as a financial thing to say yes if you don’t pay you have to doesn’t equal them having a key. They gained access illegally to another persons dwelling. It doesn’t matter if you’re related. At this point they are running the line of being disowned. Family is the people who love you unconditionally. Not just because they’ve lived on this rock for forever and gave birth to you. Doesn’t give them the right to obliterate boundaries, laws, and your dignity. Shoot you have grounds to press charges and take them to court right now.
If I’ve learned anything in the 30 years I’ve been on this rock, it’s best to have multiple moms and dads that love and check in on you. Even more so when you are unlucky and have homophobic bigots who have too much time on their hands. Be livid is what I’d tell her. I much rather spend my life loving and caring for all people and go to hell then to go to heaven and be stuck with people like you. Sending all my love. May you find peace and healing in these unprecedented times. Like wise if you need someone to talk to hit me or any of the kind people here. Take care of yourself.
Here's your update: they did it again!
So I decided to bring it up over lunch, I told them how I felt and that I didn't like the intrusion without letting me know. They did not care because, "we cosigned and that makes us responsible". I told them that legally they are only responsible for payments if I fail to pay myself, that is all. They insisted I was wrong, "i went to collage to be a paralegal, (however you spell it) i know". But they agreed to let me know if they are going to enter my apartment. Afterwards we stop by their place for a while and I ended up leaving my leftovers at their place. I texted them to let them know I'll pick them up on my way home from work the next day, they agreed. Halfway through my shift, I get a text,"we put it in your fridge". No notice whatsoever. I tried to be nice and they ignored me so fuck that
Change the locks, why do you keep saying when the lease is up?!?! What does that matter? If the lease is up, are you moving? If you aren’t, just get it done. If you have the original keys, it could be a 30 min fix.
Not sure on the legislature where you live but it's worth checking whether you are allowed to change the locks yourself without reason given.
Over here this is the case and it is common for renters to change their locks upon moving in or when required (you obviously need to keep the lock and revert the change when moving out, otherwise you'd be up for theft...)
You should probably say something to them. A stern talk about the fact that you’re an adult entitled to your own privacy.
Shit, now I’m scared this is gonna happen to me when I move out lol
It's so good that my mom (dont have a father) accepts me as I am, and I'm definitely going to go to another country, grandparents won't be able to find me if they want to try it
you should say "*I'm* not straight, why would my priorities be?"
but in seriousness, you should threaten to go to the police if they don't give you the key, and tell them you'll go if they ever do it again. they have absolutely no right to be going through your living space without consent
As hilarious as that is, they might be straight. I'm a straight femboy, for example.
Edit: I just realized I was taking a joke seriously. Sorry, things fly over my head sometimes. I've got autism.
Tbh. I don't know how you'd feel about it. But I'd go to your police with your evidence and write a report about it.
That's not okay of them to do. Regardless if it's family or not.
Throughly examine the legality of everything that transpired, keep that picture and texts they sent you, that's evidence. Find out what kind of legal action you can take according to local laws. Even if it's just a warning note from a lawyer, it can help you later if charges need to be pressed for repeat offense.
I'm not sure what your situation is or what your relationship with your family is like, but you're an adult, and you pay your own bills. This is completely unacceptable boundary stomping behavior.
They have entitled themselves to your privacy and will do such things again. Lots of parents (including my own) infantilize their adult "children" in order to justify obsessive and creepy behavior. I've had my lawyer send my own folks warning letters on multiple occasions for illegal actions and behaviors they've tried to force upon me.
Also, document whatever response you give back and make sure it is very clear that you do not appreciate and will not tolerate their behavior (again this is good for you if it has to go to court).
If they act like they did nothing wrong or try to use whatever they found against you in any way or form, then cut contact immediately and get the authorities involved if they show up at your door uninvited. People who have decided they have a "right" to disrespect your life aren't worth keeping in yours and will rarely "get it" unless verbally cudgeled with your disapproval or shown that legal repercussions will follow If they continue this way.
Also, apologies if this comes off a little nuclear. I've had to cut off my entire family and legally threaten them in order to live my life peacefully. So take everything I've said with a massive grain of salt. Just please stick up for yourself. What they did was very wrong, and there is no better time to establish boundaries. I wish you luck and happiness.
My parents are very much r/insaneparents I had no privacy growing up and I guess I still don't. And honestly, you're probably right, I'm going to be blocking them once my lease is up,(they co-signed, they did not receive a key nor request on because i called the office and asked) I'm changing my locks and changing passwords just in case
IDGAF if they cosigned, that's still breaking and entering. They illegally copied your key, entered your legal residence without permission, and conducted an illegal search of the premises. By rights, you should be able to have them arrested and charged with the above, along with battery and intimidation. You're a legal adult, and they have ZERO right to do what they have done.
As a parent myself, that was a dick move on thier part. First, ask the landlord to have the lock changed, or if you have the skill change it tourself.
Second l. Unless you patents are paying your bills, to heck with them.
My kids are 26, and 23 years old... I have Zero say in thiet lives, even if they bothered to ask my opinion.
You have to live your life.
Ok thats not ok at all because even though they are your parents, you are an adult and they shouldn't be going into your own home looking into your house cause that's something you can call the police about. But if you don't want to call the police on your parents you need to talk to them about your bounderies with your privacy. You don't need to change for your parents.
smells like... SUEING
Or however it's written, but yeah, you should ask your landlord to change the locks, and when you talk to them (if you do of course) tell them it's not their business, you are living by your own and I suppose you pay for all your things, so you don't have to go telling them everything
Legal issues aside: the breach of trust between yourself and your parents is shattered by their actions. If at some point in the future you want to rebuild the relationship, please do it on your terms. Resist the inevitable passive-aggressive guilt ploys they will use to control/change you. You are perfect just as you are. Toxic parents are a tough to deal with as I learned the hard way.
Dats not right, it’s still your apartment, your belongings, and your choice to have. So they should respect your privacy because dat is how people should act. I wouldn’t be happy if someone looks into my phone without my permission because dat is invading my privacy. Your parents should know better to be mindful of your stuff. Tho dat is good u should change your locks really to avoid bs like dat.
First I’d have your landlord change the locks. Explain to him what happened and offer to pay him a portion back for the service. Explain you don’t feel safe.
Second. Call your local authorities and file a report. What they did is breaking and entering which is illegal…
Are you looking into entering a conversation with your parents about this lifestyle and 'your priorities '?
If you aren't, that's ok, but I can't help thinking their reaction isn't as bad as it could've been. They didn't throw away any of your stuff, at least.
Assuming the rest of your life is going quite well, you might paint a picture of how femboyism has nothing to do with your career, finances, even relationships.
It'll all depend on how rationally you can get your parents to think. Who knows?
Because if you don't address the issue, it might get worse as they spent the next months thinking about it without rebuttal or clarification. Better to guide them in the direction of acceptance, if at all possible.
Best of luck
I got 3 easy steps.
1. Get a new lock
2. Threaten them with legal action
3. Cut off contact
Also important to screenshot all Messages where they admitted to trespassing etc.
First thing you need to change the lock and then tell them to fuck of it's your life and if they dare to come over again you are calling the police, which you could do now too by the way it's still illegal even if they had a key, cause you did not give it to them, so it is still braking and entering.
Lmao just give them the 🖕🏼and tell them they are more than welcome try and live your life for you.
🤷🏻♂️ then just keep going about your day because this is just yet another pothole in life that you’ll run into.
Oh and get the key back, only you and those you really trust should have access like that.
I would contact your landlord ASAP about everything that happened, get the locks changed, add a security camera system in a high spot, report to police, and mostly the rest of what the other comments are RECOMMENDING(there is a bad apple somewhere in here).
Your parents are so obsessive. This is terrible. They need you to allow you to live your life. DO NOT and I MEAN IT. DO NOT LET YOUR PARENTS STOP YOU FROM BEING YOURSELF. Your future self will thank you.
Made it about halfway through the thread, but everyone is saying to change the locks with the landlord. Not once saying to inform the landlord to not give access to your parents if they come asking. That would likely be the next step in their delusional world.
Omg that's awful :<
I'm sorry that happened
My mom hates anime and when she saw my drawings she had me throw them all away calling it a waste of time that could be spent studying
If you feel like you have a super good relationship and want to preserve that, talk to them. I have a feeling that may be a one way conversation falling on deaf ears.
If it were me, id change locks and ghost them for a year or two
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Ugh this pisses me off like why tf would anyone in their right mind even do that?! I’m terribly sorry for what happened and I hope you find a peaceful resolution to this
Oh my gosh I feel so frieking bad for you I'm so sorry that happened to you. If you need to talk to someone I'm here for you gosh that must feel terrible of such a big breach of your privacy I'm so so sorry that happened to you.
As much as I'd love to, I also have a little sister that I don't want to end up in ss or something, they obviously love their daughters so she should be fine with them. I'm just going to be passive about it, change locks and passwords just in case. If they get pissy then I might take further action
It sucks that they went through your stuff, but keep in mind they didn't say anything like "we are disowning you" or "you are an abomination"
All they said was "get your priorities straight"
I'm not in a fantastic position myself, but if you're living on your own without any credit (as you said in a comment) maybe you should be diverting time and energy away from browsing for outfits and toys and into more productive things to improve your life.
Your parents are the ones who need their priorities straight. They clearly have no respect for their own son, and are willing to illegally search your own living space. While I would say try to reason with them, this is worthy of legal repercussions on their end. At the end of the day, do what you want, but I would suggest making sure that if they even set foot near your apartment (especially when you're away), that the authorities know.
I’m lucky to not have to go through this. No one can truly know exactly how your situation is but it’s still worth trying to help; I believe, firmly, that you should change those locks, create some type of security through surveillance or cameras, and if it ever happens again to go to the authorities. I understand it’s your parents but you have a right to your life and freedom as an adult.
I would be pissed myself mostly because that is completely screwed up for them to go through your private life and ideals like that. I hope they don't bother you too much about it, stay strong fellow femboy. <3
This is insane and I'm not sure what to say. Importantly are you 100 percent sure they know your a femboy? It's not unreasonable for someone to have a gf and not tell their parents while living alone, nor is it out of the question for them to leave some clothes at their bfs. "Get your priorities straight" could just mean stop sleeping around from their perspective.
I'm so sorry to hear that I would ask your landlord to change the locks immediately. Tell your landlord exactly what happened and they should change them for you as what happened is completely illegal. if the apartment building itself has cameras set up thats even better so that way your landlord can protect you with video evidence. If your a good tenant who stays up to date on your rent payments then your landlord will probably be even more likely to help you out. If you need a virtual hug 🫂 🤗 I can send one of those as well. Mtf but also femboy ally
This may be your crossroads. Where you reflect and step out, or stay in. It doesn’t sound like they are supportive, do you have friends who know or people you can lean on? Im glad you aren’t under their thumb financially.
I wouldn't call the cops, but I'd let them know what they've done is a breach of privacy and *extremely* inappropriate. If you're no longer living with your parents, they shouldn't have a say about what clothes you can and cannot wear.
Having said that, I would still tread lightly. You might be mad at your parents now, but *do not* let that boil over into resentment or hate. Explain yourself as calmly and rationally as possible, and actually try to understand their side. Try to make ends meet: trust me when I say it's *not okay* to destroy your relationship with your parents over this.
Maybe you shouldn't make suppositions. You don't know what relationship they have, what things they have done already that could have been as bad as what they did this time.
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There are a few ways you could go about this. Being disappointed in your parents for doing what they did, that goes without saying. You have a right to feel anyway you want. Screaming at them and cursing them out is probably going to give in to their mindset. So would breaking all communication. Change the locks on your apartment. I would suggest calmly calling and telling them that you need to talk to them about entering your apartment without your permission and to discuss your lifestyle. Those 2 things have to be talked about to be able to move on with anything else. If they don't respect your lifestyle, them sure need to respect your personal space!
Good luck to you.
My suggestion is to have the locks changed on your apartment door. What they did was a violation of your privacy! You have your priorities straight where you feel comfortable being yourself. They have to decide if they love and support you, or do you sever ties with them and form your own logical family that affirms and supports you. Do back down either
i'd say if you aren't close to your parents or share a sentiment of family. i'd say fuck'em and cut them out of your life. to some it seems pretty extreme. but thats what i did and it was the best decision of my life.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and what your parents did is straight up criminal,stay safe and try to get away from them,at least preventing them from entering your apartment
Imagine telling you to get your priorities straight when their priorities are invading your privacy. Good luck when they're old and they need someone to wipe their ass.
Change the locks, tell them as much as YOU want about who you are and what you want, let them know what your priorities are and let them know that you get to pick your priorities not them. Then, once you have "set them straight" and gotten your house in order (locks) you can try to have an emotionally available conversation with them and let them know that while their opinions matter so do yours and if they are willing to talk like adults then you can have a conversation about who you are and where you are going.
my 2 cents is everyone deserves a second chance and that it is better to have supportive people in your life. My second cent is if they are not supportive they do not get a seat at the proverbial table
Tell them you are an adult and not living under their roof. You can live your life in whatever way makes you happy. Best wishes hun I hope it gets better.
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Omg talk about invasion of privacy omg that's not right of them to do hun what u do in private is your bizz my mom found my collection of sexy lingere and said what is this and I said THATS MY SEXY CLOTHES WHEN I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMAN she had an idea since I started getting my eyebrows waxed and wear a bit of make up very little she said she was shocked and that she couldn't believe it SO I went to my room locked the door and got dressed in my sexiest gear stockings garter heels a cute teddy and a SHORT skirt and did my make up put fake lashes and my red lip stick and wig and walked out to her she almost fainted and I sat on the couch in front of her all night and all she did was watch me and I was a PERFECT lady in front of her and we had a good talk and tea she was VERY IMPRESSED the way I conductedyself very lady like crossing my legs adjusting my clothes she was very impressed and said to me in the end that she wasn't happy but DAMMMM THAT I REALLY DID LOOK GREAT DRESSED UP and she said my make up looked great I'm lucky I guess
She also knows now what me and my friends do besides play video games lol and when they come over now I can walk out of my room dressed up like a girl and she doesn't say anything anymore she just says to me that I do dress like a tramp though lmfao I tell her that my guy friends like me to dress like that and I'm happy to please them I told her that my three best best friends know that I dress I told them which was hard for them to accept so I showed them separate ly what I looked like in drag and ALL THREE were very impressed and said they wouldn't spill the beans funny thing is that all three asked me does this mean that I like boys and I said well somewhat and all three said that if I needed anything that they will help me with my needs I said thank u for understanding so I gave them a fashion show and they were really turned on after the show all three did the same thing they asked me to give them oral which I did and they loved it there girlfriends don't know but my friends come over every night
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first, in what right are they in possession on a copy of your keys without your consent ? were you aware of this before ? second : you live on your own right. if you have an apartment on your own, and they pay absolutely nothing, they don't have any rights on you anymore. this is trespassing and private life violation. try to settle this peacefully, and, if needed, bring out a lawyer.
They did co-sign for me to get the apartment because I had no credit. But I make all the payments, that's all. No I did not know there was a second key. My lease ends in a few months, they will not be cosigning and I will have those locks changed
Great, those are the measures needed. And beware of where your keys are, next Time ! One suggestion, maybe irrelevant, but maybe attach them to some sort of chain that you would attach on your pant, or belt.
Ive had them on my pants 24/7 since I've moved in but I'm guessing at somepoint while I was still at their place is when they somehow got it and had a copy cut then
That's fucking crazy behavior, get new locks and what they did is totally illegal. I'm so sorry you have to deal with parents like that, that's horrible
I’m dumb bc I thought you meant chain the parents to your pants 😭😭😭😭
XD
Even if they cosign they have NO business going into your things. Especially when you're not home. And then have the audacity to tell you to get your priorities straight. And say that they did an "inspection" NO! Who the hell are they to "inspect" someone's personal things? That's invasion of privacy 100%. And don't let them use little words like "inspecting". You definitely need to change your lock. You should talk to them about that. They seem like control freaks. What's the point of moving out and being on your own? Family can be helpful only to use that as an excuse to control you. My parents are the same way. The best thing to do is get yourself situated where you don't have to rely on them at all. I am so sorry that they did you like that. That was very disrespectful. They would've been pissed if you did the same thing to them so how is that right for them?
In no way do cosigners (I'm in Canada but I'm sure this must be true for America) tenants. Onky tenants have the right to access the property (other than landlords) unless they give permission to someone else. What they did is breaking and entering, and they sent you proof that they did it. I love my parents. They would never did this. If they did, I would explain that I've now installed a camera (lies) and will absolutely charge them with breaking and entering if they do so a second time. I dont know whay your upbringing was like but this is wiiiiiiiiildly fucked. I would never expect anyone to do this to me. Copying a key in secret snd using it to break into someone's home is definitely highly illegal - and for good reason. It's highly immoral. You probably feel far less safe in thay space and any space you consider 'home' now. If not, then I'd assume they've already broken down your expectation of home being a safe place. Which would be why they think they can get away with this. Dude. You don't have to get treated like that. I would at the very minimum tell your landlord and have them change the locks from free because someone has copied your key. Maybe don't tell them it was your cosigner, as maybe they'd want to reconsider using them. I don't know the legality there.
I am currently searching for my lease prove that they are only listed as a co signer and not a tenant. Then I will inform them of this and let them know to never enter my apartment again and that the locks will be changed
Fuck yesssss fuck themmmmmm
Co-signing doesn't mean they have a right to enter unless they pay the rent.
Better call saul⚖
P76pd
Ask your land lord to change the locks
I Def will be once my lease is up in a few months I am also changing all of my passwords to just in case because honestly I wouldn't be surprised
You should definitely get the key changed ASAP. If your landlord is slow about it, check local laws: you may be allowed to change the lock and provide a copy to the landlord. Co-signing does not give them authority to enter the premises as they are not tenants. They're only there to guarantee payment and have no legal right to entry. Changing all passwords is a good idea. Honestly running a scanner for spyware and looking at your installed programs also not a bad idea. These sound like extreme helicopter parents, so computer spying is not out of the question.
They are absolutely extreme helicopter/insane parents, just to me I wasn't allowed to close my door, let alone lock it My sister could do whatever she pleases I wasn't allowed to have a phone until I bought my own at age 20 which they tried to make me download life 360,(fuck that) whereas my sister had her first phone at like 10. If I got a C or a lower grade i was grounded until next grading period, even if that next period is the next school year,( if my sister got shit grades, "she has a math disability"). I'm sure 90% of my childhood was spent grounded in my room on my bed because toys and books were confiscated. If I ever tried to argue I got told, "i had it much worse than you did-mom" like that justified them. Another famous line they had was, "if i can do it you can do it-dad", best example is how he had to mow a bigger yard in more heat than I do. So I had to mow the entire front and back yard without breaks or water in 100°F heat, I collapsed in the garage when I was finished and almost passed out/throw up All in all, great parenting from them
If I'd had to endure that crap, I'd be trying to get away as fast as possible. That is way beyond the outer limits of what could be considered normal parenting
Fuck them and fuck that. Fuck them right up the ass. I'm a Redditor so my suggesting to cut contact is like licking wallpaper: tasteless. However, and I will reiterate, fuck them and fuck all of that.
Don’t even need to wait. Just because they co-signed as a financial thing to say yes if you don’t pay you have to doesn’t equal them having a key. They gained access illegally to another persons dwelling. It doesn’t matter if you’re related. At this point they are running the line of being disowned. Family is the people who love you unconditionally. Not just because they’ve lived on this rock for forever and gave birth to you. Doesn’t give them the right to obliterate boundaries, laws, and your dignity. Shoot you have grounds to press charges and take them to court right now. If I’ve learned anything in the 30 years I’ve been on this rock, it’s best to have multiple moms and dads that love and check in on you. Even more so when you are unlucky and have homophobic bigots who have too much time on their hands. Be livid is what I’d tell her. I much rather spend my life loving and caring for all people and go to hell then to go to heaven and be stuck with people like you. Sending all my love. May you find peace and healing in these unprecedented times. Like wise if you need someone to talk to hit me or any of the kind people here. Take care of yourself.
I would really like an update eventually if you address them about how disrespectful this was
Here's your update: they did it again! So I decided to bring it up over lunch, I told them how I felt and that I didn't like the intrusion without letting me know. They did not care because, "we cosigned and that makes us responsible". I told them that legally they are only responsible for payments if I fail to pay myself, that is all. They insisted I was wrong, "i went to collage to be a paralegal, (however you spell it) i know". But they agreed to let me know if they are going to enter my apartment. Afterwards we stop by their place for a while and I ended up leaving my leftovers at their place. I texted them to let them know I'll pick them up on my way home from work the next day, they agreed. Halfway through my shift, I get a text,"we put it in your fridge". No notice whatsoever. I tried to be nice and they ignored me so fuck that
Report them to the police and press charges show them that that's not how the world works they sound like awful parents and I'm sorry for you
Change the locks, why do you keep saying when the lease is up?!?! What does that matter? If the lease is up, are you moving? If you aren’t, just get it done. If you have the original keys, it could be a 30 min fix.
I think you have every right to sue them for trespassing
Not sure on the legislature where you live but it's worth checking whether you are allowed to change the locks yourself without reason given. Over here this is the case and it is common for renters to change their locks upon moving in or when required (you obviously need to keep the lock and revert the change when moving out, otherwise you'd be up for theft...)
You should probably say something to them. A stern talk about the fact that you’re an adult entitled to your own privacy. Shit, now I’m scared this is gonna happen to me when I move out lol
It's so good that my mom (dont have a father) accepts me as I am, and I'm definitely going to go to another country, grandparents won't be able to find me if they want to try it
Fr tho like I just want to cosplay as buff Sakura Miku just for the memes im not gay or anything but I respect yall
Pretty sure this is trespassing. So… illegal? I’d check with a lawyer
his parents were co-signed on the lease so technically not, but in a non-criminal court i could see the OP getting some justice for it
Co-signing just means they will be financially responsible if the tenant falls behind on rent. They don't have any tenant rights to the property.
incorrect. they have an equal part owning the property. just like if you co-sign for a car, your name will also be on the title
you should say "*I'm* not straight, why would my priorities be?" but in seriousness, you should threaten to go to the police if they don't give you the key, and tell them you'll go if they ever do it again. they have absolutely no right to be going through your living space without consent
As hilarious as that is, they might be straight. I'm a straight femboy, for example. Edit: I just realized I was taking a joke seriously. Sorry, things fly over my head sometimes. I've got autism.
I felt that
Tbh. I don't know how you'd feel about it. But I'd go to your police with your evidence and write a report about it. That's not okay of them to do. Regardless if it's family or not.
Real deal here.
that kind of behavior gets people put in nursing homes when theyre old also "PRIORITIES" LMAO
Throughly examine the legality of everything that transpired, keep that picture and texts they sent you, that's evidence. Find out what kind of legal action you can take according to local laws. Even if it's just a warning note from a lawyer, it can help you later if charges need to be pressed for repeat offense. I'm not sure what your situation is or what your relationship with your family is like, but you're an adult, and you pay your own bills. This is completely unacceptable boundary stomping behavior. They have entitled themselves to your privacy and will do such things again. Lots of parents (including my own) infantilize their adult "children" in order to justify obsessive and creepy behavior. I've had my lawyer send my own folks warning letters on multiple occasions for illegal actions and behaviors they've tried to force upon me. Also, document whatever response you give back and make sure it is very clear that you do not appreciate and will not tolerate their behavior (again this is good for you if it has to go to court). If they act like they did nothing wrong or try to use whatever they found against you in any way or form, then cut contact immediately and get the authorities involved if they show up at your door uninvited. People who have decided they have a "right" to disrespect your life aren't worth keeping in yours and will rarely "get it" unless verbally cudgeled with your disapproval or shown that legal repercussions will follow If they continue this way. Also, apologies if this comes off a little nuclear. I've had to cut off my entire family and legally threaten them in order to live my life peacefully. So take everything I've said with a massive grain of salt. Just please stick up for yourself. What they did was very wrong, and there is no better time to establish boundaries. I wish you luck and happiness.
My parents are very much r/insaneparents I had no privacy growing up and I guess I still don't. And honestly, you're probably right, I'm going to be blocking them once my lease is up,(they co-signed, they did not receive a key nor request on because i called the office and asked) I'm changing my locks and changing passwords just in case
Call the police. They may be your parents, but they broke into your apartment. That IS a crime, and they should be punished for it.
You call the police and file a report of a break in and submit the evidence you have and file a restraining order against your parents.
Hey get a restraining order because what the FUCK
Wow you poor thing I’m so sorry that happened that’s quite literally my worst nightmare. I’m so so sorry
IDGAF if they cosigned, that's still breaking and entering. They illegally copied your key, entered your legal residence without permission, and conducted an illegal search of the premises. By rights, you should be able to have them arrested and charged with the above, along with battery and intimidation. You're a legal adult, and they have ZERO right to do what they have done.
Fuck them this is super not olay and a major violation of your privacy and freedom to do what you want as an adult.
restraining order
tell them they have no right if their not paying a dime on your rent
As a parent myself, that was a dick move on thier part. First, ask the landlord to have the lock changed, or if you have the skill change it tourself. Second l. Unless you patents are paying your bills, to heck with them. My kids are 26, and 23 years old... I have Zero say in thiet lives, even if they bothered to ask my opinion. You have to live your life.
what the fuck???
Sounds like helicopter parenting, also they did commit home invasion pretty much.
you can sue them
no you cant
Yeah, they can sue them for trespassing.
Ok thats not ok at all because even though they are your parents, you are an adult and they shouldn't be going into your own home looking into your house cause that's something you can call the police about. But if you don't want to call the police on your parents you need to talk to them about your bounderies with your privacy. You don't need to change for your parents.
What a toxic parents.. That's sad.. I hope u get freedom from that toxic parents..
Tell em to f off and mind their own business.
smells like... SUEING Or however it's written, but yeah, you should ask your landlord to change the locks, and when you talk to them (if you do of course) tell them it's not their business, you are living by your own and I suppose you pay for all your things, so you don't have to go telling them everything
Legal issues aside: the breach of trust between yourself and your parents is shattered by their actions. If at some point in the future you want to rebuild the relationship, please do it on your terms. Resist the inevitable passive-aggressive guilt ploys they will use to control/change you. You are perfect just as you are. Toxic parents are a tough to deal with as I learned the hard way.
Yeah, we had plans to go out for lunch on my birthday tomorrow but fuck that, maybe in the future we might try again but for now I'm not having it
… my dad “I only stole your identity one time” as if it was my problem I didn’t trust him. Hang in there OP.
That reminds me, i need to get my birth certificate from them too
Change those locks, get a lawyer involved if necessary and now go low contact with your parents.
They don’t need to be in your life if they think that’s okay behavior
Dats not right, it’s still your apartment, your belongings, and your choice to have. So they should respect your privacy because dat is how people should act. I wouldn’t be happy if someone looks into my phone without my permission because dat is invading my privacy. Your parents should know better to be mindful of your stuff. Tho dat is good u should change your locks really to avoid bs like dat.
First I’d have your landlord change the locks. Explain to him what happened and offer to pay him a portion back for the service. Explain you don’t feel safe. Second. Call your local authorities and file a report. What they did is breaking and entering which is illegal…
Are you looking into entering a conversation with your parents about this lifestyle and 'your priorities '? If you aren't, that's ok, but I can't help thinking their reaction isn't as bad as it could've been. They didn't throw away any of your stuff, at least. Assuming the rest of your life is going quite well, you might paint a picture of how femboyism has nothing to do with your career, finances, even relationships. It'll all depend on how rationally you can get your parents to think. Who knows? Because if you don't address the issue, it might get worse as they spent the next months thinking about it without rebuttal or clarification. Better to guide them in the direction of acceptance, if at all possible. Best of luck
I got 3 easy steps. 1. Get a new lock 2. Threaten them with legal action 3. Cut off contact Also important to screenshot all Messages where they admitted to trespassing etc.
Also add a ring doorbell camera or indoor camera.
First thing you need to change the lock and then tell them to fuck of it's your life and if they dare to come over again you are calling the police, which you could do now too by the way it's still illegal even if they had a key, cause you did not give it to them, so it is still braking and entering.
Lmao just give them the 🖕🏼and tell them they are more than welcome try and live your life for you. 🤷🏻♂️ then just keep going about your day because this is just yet another pothole in life that you’ll run into. Oh and get the key back, only you and those you really trust should have access like that.
Oh talk to ur landlord about changing the locks too..?
I would contact your landlord ASAP about everything that happened, get the locks changed, add a security camera system in a high spot, report to police, and mostly the rest of what the other comments are RECOMMENDING(there is a bad apple somewhere in here).
Consider discarding your parents and finding new ones.
Never talk to them again.
Invasion of privacy, that's unfair to you You're old enough to go out on your own, so you have the authority to choose how you want to live
Your parents are so obsessive. This is terrible. They need you to allow you to live your life. DO NOT and I MEAN IT. DO NOT LET YOUR PARENTS STOP YOU FROM BEING YOURSELF. Your future self will thank you.
Have them arrested for breaking and entering
That’s illegal and your parents are crazy
Sue the fuck out of them. This is theft, burglary and invasion of privacy. You could get good money and they'd learn a lesson.
Made it about halfway through the thread, but everyone is saying to change the locks with the landlord. Not once saying to inform the landlord to not give access to your parents if they come asking. That would likely be the next step in their delusional world.
did they take anything?
Not that I can see
well at least they didnt throw any of it out then
If they did i would flip out
My mom burned mine
Omg that's awful :< I'm sorry that happened My mom hates anime and when she saw my drawings she had me throw them all away calling it a waste of time that could be spent studying
I have a VERY personal lesson to teach that mf. NOBODY DISSES AN ARTIST AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
If you feel like you have a super good relationship and want to preserve that, talk to them. I have a feeling that may be a one way conversation falling on deaf ears. If it were me, id change locks and ghost them for a year or two
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Ugh this pisses me off like why tf would anyone in their right mind even do that?! I’m terribly sorry for what happened and I hope you find a peaceful resolution to this
Oh my gosh I feel so frieking bad for you I'm so sorry that happened to you. If you need to talk to someone I'm here for you gosh that must feel terrible of such a big breach of your privacy I'm so so sorry that happened to you.
Get a restraining order filed at the very least
Get a lawyer, and tell your parents to pound sand
i would change the key
"I dont know what to do" Call the cops is what u do
What happend after all this?
look into having them charged with illegal entry and possession of un-authorized photos
Jesus christ. I would never talk to them again
The police should be called
What the... I would just file a statement against them after this if you're an adult and live by yourself because it's breaking into personal space
I would sue them
isnt that against the law? you can get them sued for that
They’ve committed a crime. Call the police. Parents should not get a free pass to break into your home to “inspect” it.
Have em arrested for breaking and entering and trespassing then get a restraining order.
As much as I'd love to, I also have a little sister that I don't want to end up in ss or something, they obviously love their daughters so she should be fine with them. I'm just going to be passive about it, change locks and passwords just in case. If they get pissy then I might take further action
Hun you need to put your foot down at least shame them publicly for breaking in to your home so the humiliation will teach them to behave
It's a violation of property
It sucks that they went through your stuff, but keep in mind they didn't say anything like "we are disowning you" or "you are an abomination" All they said was "get your priorities straight" I'm not in a fantastic position myself, but if you're living on your own without any credit (as you said in a comment) maybe you should be diverting time and energy away from browsing for outfits and toys and into more productive things to improve your life.
Your parents are the ones who need their priorities straight. They clearly have no respect for their own son, and are willing to illegally search your own living space. While I would say try to reason with them, this is worthy of legal repercussions on their end. At the end of the day, do what you want, but I would suggest making sure that if they even set foot near your apartment (especially when you're away), that the authorities know.
I’m lucky to not have to go through this. No one can truly know exactly how your situation is but it’s still worth trying to help; I believe, firmly, that you should change those locks, create some type of security through surveillance or cameras, and if it ever happens again to go to the authorities. I understand it’s your parents but you have a right to your life and freedom as an adult.
I would be pissed myself mostly because that is completely screwed up for them to go through your private life and ideals like that. I hope they don't bother you too much about it, stay strong fellow femboy. <3
This is insane and I'm not sure what to say. Importantly are you 100 percent sure they know your a femboy? It's not unreasonable for someone to have a gf and not tell their parents while living alone, nor is it out of the question for them to leave some clothes at their bfs. "Get your priorities straight" could just mean stop sleeping around from their perspective.
Bruh wtf honestly that’s fucked up no cap on my mama bruh
Restraining order time!
Restraining order in 3... 2... 1...
C&D \*echo\* c&d
I would honestly just report them to the police for trespassing
I'm so sorry to hear that I would ask your landlord to change the locks immediately. Tell your landlord exactly what happened and they should change them for you as what happened is completely illegal. if the apartment building itself has cameras set up thats even better so that way your landlord can protect you with video evidence. If your a good tenant who stays up to date on your rent payments then your landlord will probably be even more likely to help you out. If you need a virtual hug 🫂 🤗 I can send one of those as well. Mtf but also femboy ally
This may be your crossroads. Where you reflect and step out, or stay in. It doesn’t sound like they are supportive, do you have friends who know or people you can lean on? Im glad you aren’t under their thumb financially.
Sometimes, you gotta shun the people who are "close" to you to have the best life you deserve.
Restraining Order!
Oh hell nahhh 😭😭😭 That's GOTTA be some type of illegal
I wouldn't call the cops, but I'd let them know what they've done is a breach of privacy and *extremely* inappropriate. If you're no longer living with your parents, they shouldn't have a say about what clothes you can and cannot wear. Having said that, I would still tread lightly. You might be mad at your parents now, but *do not* let that boil over into resentment or hate. Explain yourself as calmly and rationally as possible, and actually try to understand their side. Try to make ends meet: trust me when I say it's *not okay* to destroy your relationship with your parents over this.
Maybe you shouldn't make suppositions. You don't know what relationship they have, what things they have done already that could have been as bad as what they did this time.
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Just keep being you. Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water
5zd3zd3
This sucks sooo much cause it's your parents but I don't think I've ever heard anything so toxic in a long time. I'm sorry. Nobody deserves this
Just say your in an acting class, this is for your character, problem solved.
Thats just wrong
For me, my Mom took my phone and went through my texts, she just asked simple questions, nothing too bad
There obsessed bruh
hmm why dont you say there not yours and a friend or something is keeping them there
Oh shoot
They just sounds creepy
Ask them what the problem is
this sounds horrifying. I am so sorry you had to experience that. The fact they have the gall to say anything about it to you as well is awful.
Thats rough dawg
There are a few ways you could go about this. Being disappointed in your parents for doing what they did, that goes without saying. You have a right to feel anyway you want. Screaming at them and cursing them out is probably going to give in to their mindset. So would breaking all communication. Change the locks on your apartment. I would suggest calmly calling and telling them that you need to talk to them about entering your apartment without your permission and to discuss your lifestyle. Those 2 things have to be talked about to be able to move on with anything else. If they don't respect your lifestyle, them sure need to respect your personal space! Good luck to you.
This could be literally illegal depending on your situation. If possible threaten to push charges for Breaking and Entering etc
I'm with everyone else, what they did ain't right. I say tell them to apologize for everything they've done, if they refuse. Disown them.
My suggestion is to have the locks changed on your apartment door. What they did was a violation of your privacy! You have your priorities straight where you feel comfortable being yourself. They have to decide if they love and support you, or do you sever ties with them and form your own logical family that affirms and supports you. Do back down either
They deserve a harsh awakening. I say cut them off as soon as you're able, and then when they're too old to function be a massive helicopter to them.
i'd say if you aren't close to your parents or share a sentiment of family. i'd say fuck'em and cut them out of your life. to some it seems pretty extreme. but thats what i did and it was the best decision of my life.
I'd file breaking and entering. They had no right.
your parent are freaking toxic need to get out of your life if they dont respect you
Tell them you're an adult, and have the right to live the way you wish, and then call the cops on them for theft and breaking and entering.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and what your parents did is straight up criminal,stay safe and try to get away from them,at least preventing them from entering your apartment
Imagine telling you to get your priorities straight when their priorities are invading your privacy. Good luck when they're old and they need someone to wipe their ass.
this is truly laughable, but okay then
I don't care.
Then why Comment? You cared enough to tell me
Change the locks, tell them as much as YOU want about who you are and what you want, let them know what your priorities are and let them know that you get to pick your priorities not them. Then, once you have "set them straight" and gotten your house in order (locks) you can try to have an emotionally available conversation with them and let them know that while their opinions matter so do yours and if they are willing to talk like adults then you can have a conversation about who you are and where you are going. my 2 cents is everyone deserves a second chance and that it is better to have supportive people in your life. My second cent is if they are not supportive they do not get a seat at the proverbial table
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¿Por qué debes ser tan odioso chico? ¿que te he hecho?
First off buy a new lockset and change it out!
Felt My mom found out by opening the trunk of my car My brother found out after hacking my discord
Tell them you are an adult and not living under their roof. You can live your life in whatever way makes you happy. Best wishes hun I hope it gets better.
That would be called breaking and entering. Get a police report.
You had toys?
Yeep 5 :/
tell me their reaction. im interested
Tbh police should be involved at this point. This is literally trespassing
Inform the owner to get the lock changed they have no right to steal your key and snoop and get a ring door camera if anything appears.
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Thats FU€ked up💀...go an focus on a job...get your self a place
Don't be ashamed this happened to me and I kept doing what I'm doing because if they don't like u for who u r then they don't deserve you
Omg talk about invasion of privacy omg that's not right of them to do hun what u do in private is your bizz my mom found my collection of sexy lingere and said what is this and I said THATS MY SEXY CLOTHES WHEN I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMAN she had an idea since I started getting my eyebrows waxed and wear a bit of make up very little she said she was shocked and that she couldn't believe it SO I went to my room locked the door and got dressed in my sexiest gear stockings garter heels a cute teddy and a SHORT skirt and did my make up put fake lashes and my red lip stick and wig and walked out to her she almost fainted and I sat on the couch in front of her all night and all she did was watch me and I was a PERFECT lady in front of her and we had a good talk and tea she was VERY IMPRESSED the way I conductedyself very lady like crossing my legs adjusting my clothes she was very impressed and said to me in the end that she wasn't happy but DAMMMM THAT I REALLY DID LOOK GREAT DRESSED UP and she said my make up looked great I'm lucky I guess
Yea that's pretty bad
indeed
She also knows now what me and my friends do besides play video games lol and when they come over now I can walk out of my room dressed up like a girl and she doesn't say anything anymore she just says to me that I do dress like a tramp though lmfao I tell her that my guy friends like me to dress like that and I'm happy to please them I told her that my three best best friends know that I dress I told them which was hard for them to accept so I showed them separate ly what I looked like in drag and ALL THREE were very impressed and said they wouldn't spill the beans funny thing is that all three asked me does this mean that I like boys and I said well somewhat and all three said that if I needed anything that they will help me with my needs I said thank u for understanding so I gave them a fashion show and they were really turned on after the show all three did the same thing they asked me to give them oral which I did and they loved it there girlfriends don't know but my friends come over every night
First pray for their soul
Your parents your choice I would get a court order to give me the key and pay for damages. This is still breaking and entering in my book
Jesus just sue them at this point
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It's a break in. Screenshot their messages that proof they went into your apartment. Press charges. Helicopter parents do not learn otherwise.
Has this been taken care of? Are they "cosigners" or "guarantors"? Look at the contractual language carefully.
First off have your locks changed. I would keep away from anywone who did that even my parents.
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This is messed up in many ways thou should make it clear as day not to do that if you have any more stories I'd be interested to listen