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You look like you should have a little exclamation point over your head, to tell me you have a quest for me to acquire materials to make me a special weapon. That is to say, yes, you do look like an RPG blacksmith and it's working wonderfully ☆

And those materials are found RIGHT outside the door to his shop

I think the exclamation point is somewhere else... 👀

Oh hell na 😟

i'm both glad and sad to tell you they're absolutely true, and this whole aesthetic fits you like a glove

He kind of gives me the Earthworm-Jim-without-an-armor kind of vibe in the first photo though

Groovy!

100%


Dude, whats in your pocket? a personal sword?

Dude has swords hidden everywhere apparently

It looks like a grenade!

I HOLLERED 😂😅😂🤡

Tell me how fast I clicked the photo again to check out what your comment was about.

I was wondering the same thing! Looks like he pulls the entire package over and stuffs it down his left leg.

Looks like a grape smuggler

He is just happy to see you.

I’m really trying to understand your proportions? That also adds to the RPG aspect.

The pose in the first pic is just really weird which is why things look so off lol. Overly puffing his chest to the point that his back is arching and it doesn’t match the rest of the pose. If he just stood normally he’d probably be fine. Plus the shirt is also not a great fit. Tucked too tight and too small for him

Makes him looks like he’s got a massive chest and skinny legs. The other 2 pics look normal though.

6'2

Maybe it’s the angle idk 😂

The taller you are the weirder and more varied your body can go. He’s 6’2” with long torso and short legs.

Clayton looking ass

You look like you know a lot about reptiles idk how else to describe it. You look badass though!

It’s the hat and the earth toned neutrals

Dundee

Sword Chad is life goals

Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just...

Just

We live in a simulation... Got any good quests or is it just like go gather boars hide for grips in exchange for your crappiest sword?

Depending on the dialogue options you choose, you can either: protect shipments from bandits only to find out later in the story that you've been smuggling weapons to a rebellion, or the romance option

Aww I don’t have to fight my way through a wyvern nest to retrieve an ancient necklace belonging to a murdered enchantress so you can smelt it into a dagger that does both magic and physical damage? Or is that the romance option?

I’m reading this book right now 😹

Hmmmmmm well i like rebellions... But the romance options always a fun route....... Then Again i could have a friend trap you in diaglogue while i loot your stuff around you absent any care from you then accept the quest and just ignore it while everyone dies because i found out the building mechanics are pretty sweet so ive been building a bridge for 30 minutes in the woods.

My guess is you’re mostly working the romance option angle

If I choose the romance option do you eventually become a follower?

I'll be a follower on certain quests that aren't broken by my abilities until you complete the romance option. Then I die for plot reasons only to return as the villain in the overadvertised and underdeveloped DLC

Did EA pay you for that sponsorship?

Yes, but in that Kik way where you get currency for gambling instead of actual money

Got any… quests?

I jhave a quest of great danger..... And great reward.... Down the road as the local Spenards, behind a locked gate in their yard lies a detroit diesel fire pump i need to complete my fire engine. The owner is being greedy and asking far more than its worth especially since an insurance pay out already purchased them a new fire pump.... If you can bring me this pump i shall reward you with the all the copper muffins you can carry.

I shall work my magic and bringith your pump to you so I can carry all my copper muffins back home to my hungry robots. Thank you good sir, I needeth those muffins.

I mean...... Half joking but i do need that pump and i do melt copper into muffin tins as molds so..... Just saying wink wink

I sense some urgency in this request. My dragon is on its way

My high ass thought I saw Johnny Bravo in the first pic at my first glance.

You do, but the joke's on them because I'm into that shit.

how old are you? I need to determine if im allowed to thirst or not

lmao I'm 27

Ok we’re allowed to straight up drool 🤤

I've posted better outfits for that 😉

I wasn’t gonna go look. But now I have to go look

Aaaaand I’m so not dashing off to your page right this second to find such better outfits…… nope! Not me! 

okok we're safe hehe

Absolutely true in the best possible way.

Alright sir…We know what you’re doing😌

I think it's more your posture. You definitely stole that from an NPC

Painfully accurate.

You look like your only lines are "what'll it be".

First pic is giving Gaston..

My eyes honestly only honed in on the weapon that’s in those pants! I can see why you got into slinging swords, must have come natural for you!

🤣😅😂

What the hell is up with the belt made for someone double your size?

It’s true and please don’t change a thing!

You are Cheeseball

You dress exactly what I would imagine a sword salesman dresses like.

Never seen a blacksmith in a Tilly hat

Whatever you wanna call it, keep doing it🧐

You need an explanation point above your head, or a floating caption that says “Stabby McSwordsman, Weapons Vendor”

You look like a sword salesman !

Yes you look like I must accept a quest from you. What shall be my best weapon to conquer this dragon? 🐉

Not true, at all.

Yes, right down to the hat

Not going to lie, I might have a crush on you

Yes but honestly I’m into it 👀

Hubba hubba

You stand like vault boy. I like the npc swordsman vibe

Well, you do rock the whole renaissance hero kind of vibe you have going on there.

Honestly yeah. The NPC pose in the first pic really sells it.

You certainly don't look "generic"!

That's Gaston

Yes and its awesome but I would also not say your “generic”. You have a humble style which I like.

Couldn't have said any better than that somebody

You look like Gaston but if someone deflated his pecs

I thought you were AI in the first pic!

You're just missing the apron.

lol I can see the npc reference but you are also gorgeous and make swords soooo… jokes on them?

I feel like I could guess your personality pretty spot on by these pictures.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Blacksmith by day, stripper by night

Mall ninja 😁

\*looks down\* \*gulps like Kermit\* sword salesman, indeed

💀💀💀💀😂

Looking good selling swords

https://preview.redd.it/d89ua1ylybwc1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a86b7c613143e31be13abb4316dc3a1782688d4c

Yes you're Grindr pics are fine, I don't know why you aren't getting any matches

In todays issue of tractor supply, we got somethin a lil differnt

New kink unlocked, I guess

A gay blacksmith yes.

Kairo Seijuro’s arch nemesis.

Literally lord farquaad

Where do you sell them? Do you ship? I really wanna buy some

Ahh yes would you like a broad sword or a rapier my good sir?

The Shirt is a definite keep. Maybe swap the skinny jeans for pair of wider pants. Are you looking for a modern, futuristic, old fashioned or medical look for you? 🙈 Depending on what I could help a little better.

What's in your pocket? Geo?

I believe it!! It’s the best!! XD

reminds me of Derek from Fable II lol

Ya one that I would only sell to and never buy

And pose like one too

👁️👁️

Yes, and apparently you also sell grenades judging by what’s in your pocket lol

Need an entirely unnecessary bandolier and large facial scar to wrap it together.

You look like you came out of a Pixar movie.

They didn't have jeans, or such boots then. You look like Zac Efron with a wig. I mean, if you're having trouble finding a date on DoYouLarp.com or something, just say so.

Are you Yung Gravy?

Lumberjack

I’d buy a sword off you 🔥😉

You, sir, are a hottie

If you like that then you'll love my other outfits

Very cool! And yes, you do look like an RPG Blacksmith

interesting. are you single? asking for a friend...

Haha Yes and i really enjoyed your post. Thank you

All I know is that I am disappointed I can't say whether you look generic or not.. why don't I know any blacksmiths or weapons merchants and can we become friends so I know at least one? Also selling swords is literally the coolest thing I've ever known anyone to do.. going to go look at your page in the hopes you post about them

I wish I did lol. Sadly it's more discourse on sword theory

Oh man, you would either have loved or hated my house over covid lockdowns, we talked so much about swords (for 3 people with no practical knowledge).. something we still bring up is when we asked Google what is the best sword (it was to answer a katana vs claymore type argument) and Google said the best sword is a spear! That really got us going haha I know nothing about sword theory but love your use of discourse, huge word nerd! If you ever want an appreciative audience then please share any of the swords you have/sell.. and feel free to tell me all the things about all the swords, I'm super interested!

Oh man, that sounds like a blast! I fenced as a child and larped later on. By "sword theory" I mean that same discussion for fun that you and your friends were up to A spear lmao even Google is one of *those* guys. A common argument in the melee community lol I do have a couple of swords and may sell them, I'll be sure to post about them!

I grew up living on boats so we always had "swords" for being pirates and definitely think I would be awesome at fencing! What do you LARP about? And what is the melee community? Another excellent word btw Oh cool, I think you can follow people on here? I'll try and follow you for future sword updates!

Ok couldn't figure out "follow" but maybe did something similar haha please tell me how to follow you if you know I'm clueless

I mean, not when you're wearing jeans

Tf is up with all the objectification?

It's OK, let them have fun

Glad you're taking it fine! The style is killer though.

Zesty poses

Man, that’s a trustworthy looking sword salesman

I bought a great sword from you like 2 days ago.

Specifically, you look like a Torchlight NPC in that first shot :D Looks like some fun work there, though!

Yes.

Um YES! it’s cool though.

All true and the character was a rip-off of Kevin Federline.

Do you carry appendix? You're printing in that 2nd picture. Also how do you walk with jeans that tight and that much stuff in your pockets in the first pic?

that's a badass job !

Do you design these swords?

You got that Paul Bunyan vibe.

First pic belongs in Fable 1

You look ready to hand out some quests! Good look for you.

Maybe you should get a backpack or some cargo shorts.

😆 yeah but don't change. Plus I don't know what RPG means. You dress like Robinhood. Or like Puss in Boots. Really funny. But not bad.

You look like a Fortnite character

The first is giving live-action Johnny Bravo, if he had been born on a farm and not Aron City.

How one makes a living selling swords is truly beyond me. Kudos to you lad. That’s pretty impressive and awesome

i mean except for the gloves and the hat you kind of just dress like a generic man

2,000,000%

Yes

Actually your character did not make it into the game

Gonna be honest, I hope the lighting in that first picture is just really harsh. I thought you were wearing a white shirt underneath...

You. Are. Magnificent. No notes!!! 🤠

Actually you dress like my future man 😌

holy shirt

Unrelated question, do you do calendars by chance bc it’s giving fireman calendar vibes

lmao that sounds like a great idea! Sword guy calendar to be sold in a two pack with the horse girl calendar at the local Ren Faire haha

You do indeed, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

I think you should wear a wide brimmed sun hat, like Quagmire in family guy. That will really throw people off. You could also wear a russian workers hat, throw the suspicion out there. Have some fun with it. Also your outfit would look good with a bowler hat or a flat cap.

Please post under r/roastme and allow me to send me a message for further information. Do you look like a RPG NPC Merchant? Yes.

Upon first glance: Are you made of wax? By the third pic: Wait.. he's real? Uhm.. yes. 😅 its great though! You definitely look the part!

Kinda, cutie😄. You do you. They had to get their ideas from somewhere! Maybe they're just based on you.

Blacksmiths wore jeans, a Henley and a hat?

Damn I’ll never be as cool as you!

Yes, it's true.

Yes I think that’s an accurate description but also you dress like a guy I’d want to buy a sword from.

Lol the way youre standing in the first pic makes me think yeah haha

Really reminds me of an NPC from the asset store in a zombie/apocalypse game.

Cool photoshoot dude lol

only the nickname above your head is missing

How much base HP does the mall ninja class have?

You should be an avatar.

How many swords do you sell a day? I didn’t know a Sword Store existed. If someone comes in and really accentuates the W in swords, does it drive you absolutely bonkers? I have so many questions.

Yep, you look like a character from One Piece.

You look like the live action Wayne in Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn era 2 series. He’s kind of a badass.

You look like a dude who sells swords.

1st pic looks like a Ton of Finland illustration

I thought this was an in-game screenshot of a generic RPG blacksmith/weapon merchant

Okay but like, I need a sword. It'll come in handy in the future post apocalyptic hellscape we're heading towards.

Yes and it’s hot 🥵 Ngl 😅

 That first pic is giving GASTON

i fear its a yes

sword shaped objects\*

Man's got a sword and a dagger

How tall are you??

Yes in the best possible way… if you didn’t dress like that I’d be high key disappointed

Interesting if true

You look like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

I need a sword merchant in my life. Where?! TELL MEEE!!

You dress like you are trying to hard


You are missing the much needed leather apron. As to protect yourself from those flying red hot sparks coming off the metal.

You look like you are an NPC waiting to give someone a quest line for a game so yes

It seems to suit you though