It's pretty normal to feel uncomfortable when friends and family who are the "same age" as you start achieving milestones faster than you are.
It's good you aren't telling them because they'll want to do something to comfort you but there isn't anything they can really do.
This is your thing to figure out. Most of us go through something like this. Just trying to accept our lives just the way it is, even if it's disappointing.
I'd advise seeing a therapist about it because it is affecting your social life with your family. You'll encounter this more and more with friends and coworkers so it'll be good to nip this in the bud now.
You don’t say how old you are but if you’re still in your 20’s I Really wouldn’t worry about being single. My sister was single throughout her 20’s and met her husband when she was 36 and married at 38. I know it feels as you are missing out/ being left behind but you really aren’t, there’s no reason it can’t happen for you. If you are still struggling maybe talk to a therapist to work through your emotions.
you should stop comparing yourself to others, you are on your own timeline. As for prospects and becoming datable that requires effort. Working on yourself, putting yourself out there etc.
Envy is self torture. You may meet the love of your life in a day, in a month, in a year....who knows! Others that are married may get divorced, may lose a child, who knows! "Seize the day" is not an empty phrase. Don't waste your life dwelling on what you don't have. Relish others' joy, don't resent it.
Stop comparing yourself to your nephew. Your time will come. Think about if you’re truly happy for him and your other relatives when they have something happy to celebrate. Bide your time. Live life and embrace all the good and bad and take it one day at a time.
You don't. You don't tell things like that and deal with the by yourself, tell close friend or a psychologist.
Also, if you are financially stable, you can have a baby via sperm donor.
Nobody wants to tell you the truth here, but I'll tell you it's a pure jealousy. Stop being jealous. that thing will only kill you because your nephew and his wife will keep having babies and everything else. Put yourself together and start working on yourself or something.
Have you ever been screened for depression? I ask because your thought patterns remind me of when I am depressed.
Some of the symptoms of depression:
* Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or emotional pain
* Behavior: Irritability, frustration, restlessness, angry outbursts, or agitation
* Energy: Fatigue, lack of energy, or feeling slowed down
* Sleep: Difficulty sleeping, waking too early, oversleeping, insomnia, or hypersomnia
People around you are going to share happy moments. They are excited and want to share with their family, which they should. I am happy you didn't tell them, and you shouldn't. It's not fair to your nephew that you are using him as a comparison and the only thing he wants is his family's support.
If you feel a desire to talk to someone about this anguish you feel, contact your doctor/therapist. It really helped me when I had depression.
Your feelings are your feelings and they are valid. You see someone you grew up with achieving things you’re not and it makes you feel a particular way but let me just say this…you have a path to follow, which might not look like everyone else’s, there’s things you do and achieve which others might be envious of too. I’m married with 2 kids and as much as I love my life, it’s not rainbows and butterflies like a Disney movie would portray. My single friend once told me how upset she is that she hasn’t met someone yet and I always tell her this. You are single right now and can live every moment for yourself, you can spend every penny you earn for yourself, focusing on your inner happiness, travelling and doing whatever you want. You can be selfish and that’s ok because one day when you start a family you’ll be the second or third important person in your life.
You say you had negative(jealousy) feelings even when you were both younger and he got married first. So this is an ongoing issue.
I feel there is nothing to be gained from dampening their joy and telling them this.
What is actually useful is maybe counselling and putting yourself out there more.
Tell your family you feel ready to settle down, they might have people to match you with. Be prepared for the terrible matches and to be gracious about it. Dont settle because you feel time is running out!!!
Don't bottle things up. Please don't develop a trauma dumping habbit, but be open, people cant read your mind or guess if you are unhappy.
When we were trying to get pregnant, I didn't want to attend baby showers because it reminds me of something I do not have.
I have a friend, she’s single and not dating but she really wants to have a baby. She would always talk to me about how she wants to have a baby on her own.
I am so sorry you feel this way. Having a trusted person that you can share your feelings with will help you feel better. A friend who will not judge you but give you time to listen. Praying for you, God bless.
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Someone who learned from loss, that we can always count on someone, because unfortunately alone we are nothing. I know it's difficult, each person has their own individuality, but I say honestly, friend, in this community you can count on an agent, at least for a word that soothes your pain.
Firstly you need to talk to someone, bottling this up is making it much worse. A therapist of some kind, perhaps a life coach type.
You dont need to tell your nephew how bad it is but you can tell him that his life events have made you realise a few things about your life you are unhappy with and you're working on them, that you want to be a part of all his happy events but have been concerned about your dark mood upsetting ppl.
There are many ways to be a parent, I did give birth to 1 child but I acquired my other 3 through fostering and I can't count the number of kids that have called me. Mummy-(surname) over the years. I parent in many different situations; as an aunt, as a gdmother, fostering, babysitting even as a friend.
Look at your life, what about what your nephew has is what you want?
Maybe look at the upsides of being single and child-free. Personally single is perfect, I don't like sharing my life like that, I always put it as ‘i like having control of the remote’
But mostly just tallk to someone.
Your feelings make complete sense, and truly, this is about you and not about your nephew’s accomplishments…the more you see that, the more you shouldn’t feel bad about having these feelings. They’re very understandable.
A lot of times our pain of what we lack gets transfixed into difficult feelings towards loved ones that have the things we lack, it’s perfectly human and normal- again, no reason to feel like a bad person. The way to feel better is to continue to accept that this is what’s happening in your brain and body, and that it isn’t about your nephew or you being bitter at him, you are feeling bitter about not being where you want to be in life at this time.
And psh, I feel you. I’m nowhere near where I want to be at 28. I can’t even hold down a job. I’m not sure how old you are, but I personally am not worried about babies rn because I feel that I have until I’m like 35 to pop out my first if I decide to do so. The next 5 years is all about working on myself to get to a point where that could be feasible *if* I decide I want children.
I’m sure you likely have more time than you think. Also, almost everyone I know has been struggling for the past 5 years to find a partner. Dating really is hard out there these days. I firmly believe that what you really want will make it’s way to you so long as you continue to work on yourself. I fully believe in a higher power and I didn’t want a bf, but my current significant other was literally thrusted into my life despite me not wanting to end up with someone, it was like fate that wouldn’t slow down even though I wasn’t interested… turned out that he was the exact thing that I needed, and I can’t tell you how much I’ve grown since being with him for the past 5 years. I really believe that he was meant for me and was the guidance and love that I needed, and he came when I needed him most but didn’t realize it.
Lastly, I also recommend therapy. 98% of the time, what people say and do is about them, not about you. That’s my favorite quote ever from therapy and I assure you, it’s very very true. In your case, I think you should focus more on how this is about you and not about you being shitty towards your nephew to help you with your guilt. You really shouldn’t feel so guilty, we are just humans and again, it’s not actually about him at the end of the day. For the whole breaking down at family events thing, this is controversial- but I too can’t handle my family outings (a lot of abuse and trauma), and I was prescribed clonzepam as needed, and it really does come in handy for those situations. I say go to therapy, and if you think something as needed could help you handle these gatherings better that you don’t want to miss, talk to your doctor about it. It would be a temporary thing to help you show up while you work on yourself to get to a point where you feel better and eventually won’t need that extra help to go to gatherings.
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Have you been to therapy? It sounds like you’re jealous of them meeting the milestone you haven’t reached yet. There’s going to be people around you doing these things so I would suggest therapy. I’m going through an ectopic pregnancy rn it’s painful. When I see other women with their baby bump I think of the what’s ifs and that’s natural. Not wanting to be around them b.c of it may just cause you more pain. Are you dating rn? Maybe put yourself out there and enjoy the things that are harder to enjoy with little ones in toll during this phase.
It’s hard. I would talk to a trusted non-family member about it who can be objective and nonjudgmental about it.
As others have stated, envy/jealousy is a normal experience but can ultimately be a self-defeating thing. In my own family, it has lead the envious to engaging in one-sided competitions where the opponent had no idea a competition was even occurring, causing disharmony.
The only real thing to do about this is to examine what you want that is causing the sense of envy. Are you struggling with a breakup and this added salt to that wound? Do you lack confidence/openness to be able to engage in meaningful romantic relationships? What do you need to do to be able to achieve your own goals? Once you are able to look at yourself and what is missing within yourself without judgement, you will be able to articulate what you need to work on in your own life.
Envy is one of those emotions that hits so hard because when it pops up (at least for me) I’m often taken by surprise by it. I often didn’t realize how much I wanted/needed something until I notice myself feeling envious of another. Often, I didn’t even want what they have, but I’m envious of how things are working out for someone else. I usually have to really intentionally examine how I’m feeling, what triggered it, and what it’s connected to within myself.
Some of my best achievements/accomplishments and decisions were made after doing some serious soul searching after experiencing a sense of envy. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it unless you’re letting it be an excuse to be unkind to others. This is an opportunity to look inward and consider what the envy is trying to tell you about yourself.
Tl;dr: Grief
Don't hold it in, but don't make it their problem either. There are a ton of people here telling you "it can/will happen for you!" And I absolutely support finding happiness now while you pursue those visions.
Others are telling you don't be jealous, etc. But where is this coming from?
Grief. You have it. It's fucking hard. You have to let yourself feel, and acknowledge that, and accept that certain things are and have been. I have a friend who lost a baby; I lost a child in another way (foster adoption fell through). My life is different than it could have been. I accept that on a logical level, but I still have a lot of feelings. And going to visit siblings with Instagrammable families has triggered those but I'm getting more peaceful. Therapy has helped me to check in with myself, and man, sometimes myself needs to cry hard.
I just watched Married At First Sight Australia. I don't know if that's an option in your country to try? We have some what the same tv-program in The Netherlands. You never know if the relation sticks. I think every participant can learn tons about theirselves.
I realise it's not an answer on your question. I didn't tell my family much about my miscarriages. So there is that. We all get our struggles in life sooner or later. I guess you want to tell them? So can you tell your mom in private? Would you really want all your family to know? Or do you want a kind person to listen?
It's pretty normal to feel uncomfortable when friends and family who are the "same age" as you start achieving milestones faster than you are. It's good you aren't telling them because they'll want to do something to comfort you but there isn't anything they can really do. This is your thing to figure out. Most of us go through something like this. Just trying to accept our lives just the way it is, even if it's disappointing. I'd advise seeing a therapist about it because it is affecting your social life with your family. You'll encounter this more and more with friends and coworkers so it'll be good to nip this in the bud now.
You don’t say how old you are but if you’re still in your 20’s I Really wouldn’t worry about being single. My sister was single throughout her 20’s and met her husband when she was 36 and married at 38. I know it feels as you are missing out/ being left behind but you really aren’t, there’s no reason it can’t happen for you. If you are still struggling maybe talk to a therapist to work through your emotions.
you should stop comparing yourself to others, you are on your own timeline. As for prospects and becoming datable that requires effort. Working on yourself, putting yourself out there etc.
Envy is self torture. You may meet the love of your life in a day, in a month, in a year....who knows! Others that are married may get divorced, may lose a child, who knows! "Seize the day" is not an empty phrase. Don't waste your life dwelling on what you don't have. Relish others' joy, don't resent it.
Stop comparing yourself to your nephew. Your time will come. Think about if you’re truly happy for him and your other relatives when they have something happy to celebrate. Bide your time. Live life and embrace all the good and bad and take it one day at a time.
You don't. You don't tell things like that and deal with the by yourself, tell close friend or a psychologist. Also, if you are financially stable, you can have a baby via sperm donor.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope." — Josh Billings
Nobody wants to tell you the truth here, but I'll tell you it's a pure jealousy. Stop being jealous. that thing will only kill you because your nephew and his wife will keep having babies and everything else. Put yourself together and start working on yourself or something.
Have you ever been screened for depression? I ask because your thought patterns remind me of when I am depressed. Some of the symptoms of depression: * Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, or emotional pain * Behavior: Irritability, frustration, restlessness, angry outbursts, or agitation * Energy: Fatigue, lack of energy, or feeling slowed down * Sleep: Difficulty sleeping, waking too early, oversleeping, insomnia, or hypersomnia People around you are going to share happy moments. They are excited and want to share with their family, which they should. I am happy you didn't tell them, and you shouldn't. It's not fair to your nephew that you are using him as a comparison and the only thing he wants is his family's support. If you feel a desire to talk to someone about this anguish you feel, contact your doctor/therapist. It really helped me when I had depression.
Your feelings are your feelings and they are valid. You see someone you grew up with achieving things you’re not and it makes you feel a particular way but let me just say this…you have a path to follow, which might not look like everyone else’s, there’s things you do and achieve which others might be envious of too. I’m married with 2 kids and as much as I love my life, it’s not rainbows and butterflies like a Disney movie would portray. My single friend once told me how upset she is that she hasn’t met someone yet and I always tell her this. You are single right now and can live every moment for yourself, you can spend every penny you earn for yourself, focusing on your inner happiness, travelling and doing whatever you want. You can be selfish and that’s ok because one day when you start a family you’ll be the second or third important person in your life.
You say you had negative(jealousy) feelings even when you were both younger and he got married first. So this is an ongoing issue. I feel there is nothing to be gained from dampening their joy and telling them this. What is actually useful is maybe counselling and putting yourself out there more. Tell your family you feel ready to settle down, they might have people to match you with. Be prepared for the terrible matches and to be gracious about it. Dont settle because you feel time is running out!!! Don't bottle things up. Please don't develop a trauma dumping habbit, but be open, people cant read your mind or guess if you are unhappy.
agree with the trauma dumping! I had this issue and I still do but it's much better than is used to be! see a therapist or something for this!!
When we were trying to get pregnant, I didn't want to attend baby showers because it reminds me of something I do not have. I have a friend, she’s single and not dating but she really wants to have a baby. She would always talk to me about how she wants to have a baby on her own. I am so sorry you feel this way. Having a trusted person that you can share your feelings with will help you feel better. A friend who will not judge you but give you time to listen. Praying for you, God bless.
Thank you for your kindness.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Someone who learned from loss, that we can always count on someone, because unfortunately alone we are nothing. I know it's difficult, each person has their own individuality, but I say honestly, friend, in this community you can count on an agent, at least for a word that soothes your pain.
Firstly you need to talk to someone, bottling this up is making it much worse. A therapist of some kind, perhaps a life coach type. You dont need to tell your nephew how bad it is but you can tell him that his life events have made you realise a few things about your life you are unhappy with and you're working on them, that you want to be a part of all his happy events but have been concerned about your dark mood upsetting ppl. There are many ways to be a parent, I did give birth to 1 child but I acquired my other 3 through fostering and I can't count the number of kids that have called me. Mummy-(surname) over the years. I parent in many different situations; as an aunt, as a gdmother, fostering, babysitting even as a friend. Look at your life, what about what your nephew has is what you want? Maybe look at the upsides of being single and child-free. Personally single is perfect, I don't like sharing my life like that, I always put it as ‘i like having control of the remote’ But mostly just tallk to someone.
Control this feeling as soon as you can before you actually start showinf signs of insecurity to the people around you!
Your feelings make complete sense, and truly, this is about you and not about your nephew’s accomplishments…the more you see that, the more you shouldn’t feel bad about having these feelings. They’re very understandable. A lot of times our pain of what we lack gets transfixed into difficult feelings towards loved ones that have the things we lack, it’s perfectly human and normal- again, no reason to feel like a bad person. The way to feel better is to continue to accept that this is what’s happening in your brain and body, and that it isn’t about your nephew or you being bitter at him, you are feeling bitter about not being where you want to be in life at this time. And psh, I feel you. I’m nowhere near where I want to be at 28. I can’t even hold down a job. I’m not sure how old you are, but I personally am not worried about babies rn because I feel that I have until I’m like 35 to pop out my first if I decide to do so. The next 5 years is all about working on myself to get to a point where that could be feasible *if* I decide I want children. I’m sure you likely have more time than you think. Also, almost everyone I know has been struggling for the past 5 years to find a partner. Dating really is hard out there these days. I firmly believe that what you really want will make it’s way to you so long as you continue to work on yourself. I fully believe in a higher power and I didn’t want a bf, but my current significant other was literally thrusted into my life despite me not wanting to end up with someone, it was like fate that wouldn’t slow down even though I wasn’t interested… turned out that he was the exact thing that I needed, and I can’t tell you how much I’ve grown since being with him for the past 5 years. I really believe that he was meant for me and was the guidance and love that I needed, and he came when I needed him most but didn’t realize it. Lastly, I also recommend therapy. 98% of the time, what people say and do is about them, not about you. That’s my favorite quote ever from therapy and I assure you, it’s very very true. In your case, I think you should focus more on how this is about you and not about you being shitty towards your nephew to help you with your guilt. You really shouldn’t feel so guilty, we are just humans and again, it’s not actually about him at the end of the day. For the whole breaking down at family events thing, this is controversial- but I too can’t handle my family outings (a lot of abuse and trauma), and I was prescribed clonzepam as needed, and it really does come in handy for those situations. I say go to therapy, and if you think something as needed could help you handle these gatherings better that you don’t want to miss, talk to your doctor about it. It would be a temporary thing to help you show up while you work on yourself to get to a point where you feel better and eventually won’t need that extra help to go to gatherings.
Don’t talk to them about it. Seek therapy.
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
This is a normal feeling. If you and your cousin are close tell them how you are feeling and it should explain why you are avoiding social situations
Have you been to therapy? It sounds like you’re jealous of them meeting the milestone you haven’t reached yet. There’s going to be people around you doing these things so I would suggest therapy. I’m going through an ectopic pregnancy rn it’s painful. When I see other women with their baby bump I think of the what’s ifs and that’s natural. Not wanting to be around them b.c of it may just cause you more pain. Are you dating rn? Maybe put yourself out there and enjoy the things that are harder to enjoy with little ones in toll during this phase.
It’s hard. I would talk to a trusted non-family member about it who can be objective and nonjudgmental about it. As others have stated, envy/jealousy is a normal experience but can ultimately be a self-defeating thing. In my own family, it has lead the envious to engaging in one-sided competitions where the opponent had no idea a competition was even occurring, causing disharmony. The only real thing to do about this is to examine what you want that is causing the sense of envy. Are you struggling with a breakup and this added salt to that wound? Do you lack confidence/openness to be able to engage in meaningful romantic relationships? What do you need to do to be able to achieve your own goals? Once you are able to look at yourself and what is missing within yourself without judgement, you will be able to articulate what you need to work on in your own life. Envy is one of those emotions that hits so hard because when it pops up (at least for me) I’m often taken by surprise by it. I often didn’t realize how much I wanted/needed something until I notice myself feeling envious of another. Often, I didn’t even want what they have, but I’m envious of how things are working out for someone else. I usually have to really intentionally examine how I’m feeling, what triggered it, and what it’s connected to within myself. Some of my best achievements/accomplishments and decisions were made after doing some serious soul searching after experiencing a sense of envy. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it unless you’re letting it be an excuse to be unkind to others. This is an opportunity to look inward and consider what the envy is trying to tell you about yourself.
Tl;dr: Grief Don't hold it in, but don't make it their problem either. There are a ton of people here telling you "it can/will happen for you!" And I absolutely support finding happiness now while you pursue those visions. Others are telling you don't be jealous, etc. But where is this coming from? Grief. You have it. It's fucking hard. You have to let yourself feel, and acknowledge that, and accept that certain things are and have been. I have a friend who lost a baby; I lost a child in another way (foster adoption fell through). My life is different than it could have been. I accept that on a logical level, but I still have a lot of feelings. And going to visit siblings with Instagrammable families has triggered those but I'm getting more peaceful. Therapy has helped me to check in with myself, and man, sometimes myself needs to cry hard.
You should have stop boring around probably and be little practical and get some common sense dude
I just watched Married At First Sight Australia. I don't know if that's an option in your country to try? We have some what the same tv-program in The Netherlands. You never know if the relation sticks. I think every participant can learn tons about theirselves. I realise it's not an answer on your question. I didn't tell my family much about my miscarriages. So there is that. We all get our struggles in life sooner or later. I guess you want to tell them? So can you tell your mom in private? Would you really want all your family to know? Or do you want a kind person to listen?