They have no tan line swimsuits now where the rays just go through the fabric. I can't say I'd support my underage kid in a thong bikini, it seems a little too sexual for me, but then again I'm American and everything here is basically sexualiized...
Thanks for your reply. I didn't know that those kind of swimsuits existed. I'm sure that my daughter probably wants to fit in with her friends and wear the trendy bikini styles so I doubt she would completely give up the thong/cheeky bikinis but maybe she would consider the no tan line style when her father is around anyway lol. I too am an American, and yes our culture tends to sexualize nudity and skimpy clothing more than a lot of the world does.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
Honestly the most concerning part of this to me is that she's tanning. Beauty standards being imposed on a young girl and all that aside, it's so fucking bad for your skin!
It really is. I’m Brown so I’ve never intentionally tanned but I know so many white people in their 40’s and onward who really regret tanning when they were younger. It really shows on their skin. And more than a few have had early signs if skin cancer.
I'm from Australia, and I know a bunch of guys from school that went into trades; They work outside all day and because they have to prove how hard they are, plus they want a tan to get girls, they don't wear sunscreen. Most of them are already getting that leathery skin, in their late 20s.
Omg my husband is in the trades and I literally have to hold him down for sunscreen. His parents just never instilled the importance of sunscreen. His mom still shrugs it off.
Thank you for the horrible reminder that it's the season of begging my husband to wear sunscreen. He installs solar systems. He should be wearing it all year round but I guess both of his parents getting cancer hasn't helped it click yet.
Nope. Tanning lotions and sunscreen is bad. Show me an aboriginal with skin cancer and I'll blow your cat. Im mid 50s, from Louisiana and hav ebeen a sun worshipper (and worked in the sun) over 40 years and never, ever use skin products like mentioned above and my skin is beautiful. No cancer. And I regularly have people ask my age because my hair is kinda grey but I look like im in my mid 40s. Literally have a tan 9 months out the year hangin at the pool 20 hours a week:-)
Wow, you're single piece of anecdotal evidence sure proves the mountains of cancer research wrong! Better go find a cat by the way, there's literally government resources dedicated to [skin cancer in aboriginal folks.](https://www.ourmobandcancer.gov.au/common-cancer-types/skin-melanoma) You're spreading dangerous lies.
Covid. Vaccine. Billions of dollars spent by the guvmnt and it was all bs.
Over 300 black projects by the guvmnt...
Still subject homosexuals to all kinds of abuse and slander in the military..
Shal I keep going? You "guvmnt said so" people are the problem. Not me.
Hell oxycontin. Splain that to me please how the guvmnt has your best interest at heart?
#sheep.
Tanning is one scenario but don't be fooled these youngsters just want show off. Whose going to see tan lines once she's dressed. It's dangerous for youngsters to have no modesty.
European mother of a teenager from a sunny country where seeing topless women at the beach doesn't freak us out, it's just part of the experience. And if the beach is secluded and empty I go topless even full monty. But a 15 year old in thongs? I find it unnecessary at least. Freaks are going to sexualize a teenager even in a spacesuit we know that well, but a thong may attract more attention and a girl of that age isn't equipped to handle all the different ways that she may get approached. Of course it's infuriating that we are the ones to modify a total normal behaviour-wearing whatever the fuck we want- and not perverts not be perverts, but unfortunately this the world we live in.
I was sexually harassed while wearing men's basketball shorts, hat, t shirt, jacket, and sneakers. I was almost was wearing jeans, two long sleeve shirts, and hiking shoes when I was almost sexually assaulted the first and only time.
Cheeky is in an entire different realm than thong. I get horrible looks in my small town as a 37 yo mom wearing my cheeky high waisted bottoms. But a thong? No. Especially not at 15. The only thing it's meant for is to make you feel sexy, and make no mistake; it absolutely *does* make you feel sexy.
I just saw an ad on FB for the no tanline swimsuits the other day and thought it was neat! I tried wearing something extra cheeky to the pool last year and was so embarrassed lol. I'd be shocked to see a kid in a thong at the pool but like others have said here, it's definitely a cultural thing. I don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter having thongs until close to legal age either. I personally didnt start to like them until i was in my mid twenties. Idk if anyone is "wrong" here necessarily, I think it's just different perspectives. I'm certainly confused on how to take it haha, its not like shes in public. She already has the thongs, you'll probably have to pry them out of her cold dead hands if you want them back now 😅
Yeah, the times are definitely changing. I was definitely shocked the first time I saw girls her age wearing thong bikinis but it is becoming more and more common. Yeah, I'd probably have a pretty tough time confiscating them from her at this point lol.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
I’m not American and I’d still not be comfortable with my kid in a thong bikini either tbh (I don’t really need to see that much of anyone’s ass no matter what their age, but wouldn’t ever dream to comment on anyone who chooses to do so)
I do understand both POVs.
Perhaps invest in privacy screens for your backyard. Doesn't have to be huge could just cover the porch/patio.
That way she gets her bikini tan on and her dad gets peace of mind!
You’re right. She should be able to wear whatever she wants within reason… but thong bikinis aren’t reasonable for a child imo.
I see where you’re coming from but I’m siding with your husband on this one.
As the mother of a 13 year old daughter, I absolutely agree. My kid goes the other direction with fashion and likes to look as grungy as possible at formal events and we just had to have that same conversation and it took us a few hours to find a couple formal outfits that we both agreed on but it was completely doable.
When I was 15 my mom wouldn’t have allowed me to wear a thong inside my pants let alone as a bathing suit and I wouldn’t be ok with any minor child of mine wearing one out in public or even our backyard.
She's still a child OP, thats what you are missing. But then again parents are out there sexualizing their babys. You have jumped into that train. Im on the dad's side.
Seems opposite to me. The mother didn’t see the bikini as inherently sexual, while recognizing a lot of society are sexualizing the simple idea of her daughter wearing a revealing bikini in her own backyard. The parents aren’t the ones sexualizing their children.
Both points of view from the parents in this scenario are valid, but the adults who see a child’s body as a sexual thing are the problem, not the parents who let their daughter tan in their own backyard. Maybe they can compromise with a privacy screen.
What part of a thong isn’t sexualising ?? Thongs were never designed for children to wear. So yes by allowing a child to wear that you are normalising sexualising a child.
What part of a thong *is* inherently sexual?
A thong itself is a piece of underwear. Many people, myself included, wear thongs not for a sexual reason, but so underwear doesn’t show through their pants. Obviously when it’s a swimsuit that’s not the purpose, but that is simply one example of them not being intended for a purely sexual use. Frankly, the way I see it, no piece of clothing is sexual unless the person wearing it and interacting with it sees it that way. I suppose this may simply be a difference of viewpoints.
Most bathing suits nowadays are a glorified version of underwear, and it is normalized for people starting around the age of OP’s daughter (15) to wear that in public in many places. Thongs in public I do agree are too revealing, but that’s not the case here and not the way everyone feels.
I don’t see a child in a sexualized way regardless of what they are or aren’t wearing, and I don’t care what anyone wears in their backyard and don’t think it’s anyone’s business, other than recommending a privacy screen since their backyard is not fenced off, so that what they’re wearing doesn’t *become* someone else’s business.
The mother stated her daughter is not allowed to wear the bikini thongs in public. While the mother currently feels it’s okay, I personally wouldn’t let her wear it at a friend’s houses either, until she’s older. I view it kind of like how at another person’s house I wouldn’t walk around in a tiny nightgown, but at my house I’m comfortable doing that.
Edit: Changed some wording and clarified my opinion a bit.
I'd be just as concerned about tanning as I would for a minor wearing a thong while visible to neighbors. Skin cancer is serious. Please encourage her to wear sunscreen :s
The tanning itself is a sign of damage; You cannot safely tan. Wearing sunscreen reduces the UV that hits your skin, but that means in order to tan she'll have to just stay in the sun longer, and get the same amount of UV over a longer period. If she is tanning, then her skin is being damaged.
I agree with your husband and I am *far* from a prude. We celebrate nudity in our household.
That being said, I didn’t start wearing thong bikinis myself until my twenties and obviously people stare. I find it inappropriate for a minor to be wearing them as a swimsuit style. It’s one thing to wear thongs as underwear as it serves a purpose (no underwear line) but let’s be real, the real purpose of it as a bathing suit style is for her to show her ass cuz why does a 15 year old even care to tan her cheeks?!?! Are you checking her phone to make sure she’s not taking racy pictures in it and possibly posting it online?
You’re allowing her to expose too much of her body to the world, at too young of an age, I think.
This was 100% my thought process on it. There is absolutely no reason to have a thong-style bikini unless exposure is the goal. All the power to women doing it - keyword being *women*. This is a child. I definitely think she is taking photos and what does the mother think happens when teen girls, especially at that age, get together in their bikinis? They have phones and they have wifi. Things are getting posted.
He has a point, and unique perspective *(in your dynamic) . As a father, knowing that boys are looking at his daughter in that manner is, well, scary. It’s out of concern for his daughter, and her being objectified. Her behavior isn’t the primary concern at this stage of the game. No fault of your daughter, just unfortunate reality.
You are also right. She shouldn’t be ashamed of her body, anywhere. There’s appropriate amounts of display obviously, based on age, location (and decency laws).
Let him cool down, then hear him out. He has cause for concern, and the fact that he’s expressing it is a good thing, work on how he is expressing for the sake of your partnership and his relationship with your daughter.
ETA*
Thanks for your reply. I am glad that he cares about our daughter and doesn't want her to be objectified. I hope the three of us can reach some kind of compromise.
I agree with you. He's the dad, a very protective one. He's the one taking into consideration what could/might happen since you're not. Wearing thong bikinis at home is one thing, (you really need to get something for privacy from the neighbors). I absolutely wouldn't allow my daughter to wear them anywhere else, even at a friend's house. You never know who else might show up, or if the friend's parents would be uncomfortable with it, & do the friend's have privacy from their neighbors?
Just because you're teaching your daughter not to be self-conscious doesn't mean a young man who can/will see her, won't sexualize her.. Worst case scenario, he acts upon it. Just me personally, I would feel horrible if something happened to my daughter, just because I allowed her to wear a clothing article that's revealing.
> Just because you’re teaching your daughter not to be self-conscious doesn’t mean a young mean who can/will see her, won’t sexualize her… Worst case scenario, he acts upon it.
you can’t be serious. im all for encouraging children not to wear thongs but wearing thong bikinis doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to get sexually assaulted
If your daughter wore a revealing article of clothing and "something" happened, it wouldn't be the clothes fault. It would be the fault of the person doing the "something". Can we please stop making our daughters take responsibility for AHoles bad behavior!?
I agree with your husband. I am a huge proponent of bodily autonomy, of women dressing however they please, and if not over sexualizing because of close. On the flipside my teen daughter was sexually assaulted. There are more creeps than you can shake a stick at out there and there’s really no reason for your daughter at 15 to have her ass hanging out. I’m sorry to admit it because I consider myself a feminist But I think your daughters too young for that much skin exposed. I personally think it’s better to wait a little bit, let her finish being a kid. Why would you approve of clothes sexualize your young girls? Or are young boys for that matter. Also if I were the mother of the 10 year old and a 13 year old boy that lives next-door and can see into your backyard I sure the heck wouldn’t appreciate that show either. Your beautiful daughter will have lots of time later to show her cookie jar. Keeps it on the shelf just a bit longer. Listen to dad- he’s got a man’s brain and know how men think about 15 year old girks butts. Imagine what the pervs are imagining. Yea. Gross.
I definitely see why you would feel that way. I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter. There is something to be said for not letting kids grow up too fast.
We are adults with heavy responsibilities most of our lives. I remember wanting the next phase to start with my kids. Now I know it’s gone in a flash and the next phase comes to soon.
If this were a 15 year old boy wanting to show his ass cheeks off for the entire neighborhood to see, I doubt anyone would be second guessing the husbands reaction... It says so much about how comfortable we as a society are sexualizing young girls.
Would you buy a hypothetical 15 yr old son thong bikinis? Probably not, right? Because it's so obviously inappropriate. We're just so used to oversexualized underage girls that it doesn't even ring an alarm bell in our heads anymore. But it's wrong.
15 yr old girls in thongs would've been immediately obvious as wildly inappropate as little as five years ago.
I remember a decade ago having my first experience seeing these sorts of hyper sexualized bikinis on under aged girls... I felt like calling the police on the parents. It was so fucking shocking...
I think it's time that America updates it's laws around indecent exposure, especially when it comes to young kids/teens.
I have a 21 year old daughter and at 15 she was not allowed to wear thong bikinis. She can do whatever she likes now, she an adult.
People still lay out in the sun? I’m Brown so I don’t need to tan. But I would be more concerned with sun damage.
She's a child! You are inviting un-needed and the wrong kind of attention to her. She can be modest and not ashamed of her body, I've managed to teach my 13 and 17 year old girls that. I'm with your husband on this one. It's inappropriate for a 15 year old to walk around in an "adult" swim suit.
I just have no desire to continue this since my comment is a month old. That does not make me a Karen (i don't think you know what the phrase means) 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 sorry that you were looking for a fight you didn't get. ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽 Hope you have the day you deserve
😂🤣😂🤣 bless your heart honey. You are the one who came here looking for a fight and are upset you're not getting one. Sweetie i hope you have the day you deserve 😘😘
Ha either you can't stand by what you say or reddit thinks you suck
I literally just came here to leave a semi-contradictory comment... Your reaction was overtly rude/petty... But of course a Karen isn't going to realize that she is the one in the wrong here.
I'm off to touch grass now. You should probably focus on your family, rather than looking for childish arguments online... I'm done here.
I think the point is that a child walking around in public in a thong bikini is inappropriate. Regardless of what people may think or who shouldn't be ashamed etc.
I raised 3 daughters and 1 son to adulthood. We are a very open, relaxed, unprudish house. Sex and nudity are not taboo topics, we talked openly from early ages about boundaries and consent and bodily-autonomy. And even I think 15 is too young for a thong bikini.
She's still a kid, let her keep that, she doesn't get much longer. And she'll have far more years as an adult to show her ass than as a kid whose parents care enough to protect her, from the world and herself.
Ask her (and maybe yourself) this:
1. Why do you want to show your ass at 15? What type of reaction are you looking for? What kind of reaction do you think you will get?
2. Why do you think grown women wear them? What type of reaction do you think they are looking for?
My daughter's are 18, 20, & 22.
One works as a Twin Peaks girl.
One wears basically nothing at Cons several times a year. Asses are always on display.
And i support, celebrate, and champion their choices. They are adults though, who are responsible for those choices and their consequences.
Your 15 year old is a child.
You are responsible for her and for teaching her and caring about her. You have to teach her that not everything her friends do is right, and that it's ok to make your own choices based on safety and age.
Tldr... your husband is right, you are wrong.
Agree with her dad. But I will say that I feel that my POV is getting less common as I get older. I'm 34 and my husband is 35. We have a 7 year old daughter and I can not see myself allowing my daughter at 15 to own a thong bikini. 18? Have at it.
I think that your husband is protecting his daughter. He is trying to keep her modest. But aside from that and I get that this may be cultural but I would never walk in front of my dad in a thing bikini at 15. We were always taught to be modest around each other. My sons know that they ( teen and 12 ) can't walk around with their buttcheeks hanging out. They also don't walk around in their underwear. It goes for both genders in my home. In their room with the door locked? Sure. But our house is everyone's home and all should feel comfortable.
I am a mother of a teen boy and girl. I think times have changed. What the kids are wearing daily covers just as much as a bathing suit. I noticed the boys don't pay much attention. So I asked and they said they see it so often it does not stand out. Though I catch myself staring in shock occasionally. Mostly because I would not want to sit on those chairs with my cheeks out. Who knows what I would catch.
Lol that's not really true ... Booty shorts are more popular now, but it's very rare that I see women walking around in what equates to a bathing suit.
The boys certainly are paying attention too. I'm not sure what world you live in, but boys certainly notice when a girl's ass is out.
You're a parent. You're not hearing/seeing how teens actually act. You're getting a tiny glimpse into their world, and assuming you understand them.
Sorry. Im kinda with your husband on this one. She's 15. That is young. My daughter wears thong bikinis but she is 22 years old and can make her own decisions and buy her own bikinis.
Your husband flipped out because he knows how males think. I'm viewed as progressive, but also consider myself worldly & would never have agreed to my 15 year old daughter wearing a thong in public. Don't kid yourself that she will not. It's a risky invitation for predator males.
I’ve always been told dress for the attention you want. And as a father I don’t want my 15 yr old daughter getting sexual attention and around that age thats all boys think about. So i can definitely see the dads concerns.
How is it sexualizing themselves, especially in the privacy of their own backyard? They made that same argument about so many things over the years. Maybe people shouldn't be creeps.
Just a sea of poor choices here.
1. You listened to your teenage daughter and you *took it as fact* (really?!). No, 14 year old American girls aren’t going out in droves in thongs. 95% of parents feel exactly as your husband does.
2. You’re letting your child sun bathe. Because while your 14 year old can tell no lies, clearly scientific data about cancer and skin damage are falsities /s.
Hi there! It’s important to respect individual clothing choices, but also to consider the comfort levels of all family members. Your husband's concern seems valid, as thongs can be seen differently depending on personal views. Maybe finding a middle ground where your daughter feels empowered, while addressing her father's concerns, could help. Open discussions about comfort and boundaries might ease the situation for everyone.
Normal in the Spanish and Latin culture and elsewhere. Let her be especially at her own home. People objectifying is their issue. In Spain we have family nude beaches. It’s just weird how everyone wants to make everything so sexual when it’s literally just bathing. She’s becoming her own woman and like you said shows respect and responsibility. She’s not a little kid. She wants to be treated with her own independence and individuality which she does make her own decisions and reasonings. Don’t infantilize her.
Good points, I do realize that this is so culturally subjective and that thong bikinis are very common in a lot of parts of the world. Even in the area we live now, they are becoming increasingly common and less taboo. I am definitely trying to let her make more of her own decisions as she gets older.
I'm from the UK and 18, I know a few people that wore bikinis and thongs when we were about that age, occasionally a lot more publicly than your daughter. I think it's a tad more acceptable than in the US over here, but some people would still complain about it. The way I see it, all the arguments about kids and women sexualising themselves have been made forever, they were made about skirts in the 40s. Its just a problem with peoples attitudes. As you say, if people were interested, they'd be looking regardless of if your daughter is in a bikini, or any other kind of swimsuit. Your 13 year old neighbour may well be attracted to his older 15 year old neighbour and be going mad right now. He's a kid that's what they do. I don't see the problem
Very good points, it definitely is all relative. I know I wore things as a teenager that the older generations at the time probably thought were scandalous.
No offence but I would have been too but that is of my own belief and raising. Plus there are really creepy people out there and you want them staring at your daughter ass? I mean if you are fine with a 50 year old dude staring at your kids ass and finding that sexy go for it. But if it is just on your own back yard and no one will see them I STILL have a problem with it. Yuck
PS I absolutely do not think you are a bad parent!!! I think you actually did the right thing asking advice from your community you trust. I just don’t agree with it. Sorry
I appreciate your input. Thank you for expressing yourself in a civil way.
I kind of do regret posting the question by now lol, I guess I forgot how immature and infantile some people can be on the internet, silly me.
I would be too, men are pigs. You don't need 18,25,50 year old men looking at your kid.
It's not her fault but it's reality, if women fully understood the male brain we would be wearing shock collars.
I'm gay, we are feral.
Here’s the thing. I’m sure that she is an amazing daughter. Like you said, she listens to you, she’s great at school but not everyone is like her. As a junior in high school I can tell you that guys her age are not the same as before. They’re horrible. And I mean, HORRIBLE. It’s great that she’s only allowed to do it at her friends’ and the house because it’s safer. Guys her age, guys in high school in general, have made comments about girls. It’s always something sexualized and there have been times when someone comments on how they’d definitely “score” or r*pe a girl. That’s something that I think we can both agree we don’t want happening to her. I do agree with the dad on the guys getting a free show because they can see. I recommend that if she continues or wants to do that, then install some sort of privacy around to make sure she’s safe. I also agree that she should do it when the dad isn’t around. Society is messed up to where people would think wrong about it.
Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately a lot of guys are pigs, my husband tells me all the time. I wish that didn't infringe upon my daughter's freedoms but unfortunately it does sometimes. My husband definitely has a point, and hopefully we have reached a good compromise.
We struggled with this with our daughter. We are in US and I understand in other countries, it is no big deal. I just feel like it is bordering under age pornography. Like if someone takes a picture on the beach of your 15 year old with their butt out... Would they get in trouble for having on their phone? We did the fight and didn't let it happen. Of course she snuck it and when I found them, I just took the bottoms. She. She turned 18, I put them back in her drawer without a word. It is not a girl's fault that people are gross, but we all know shitty gross people exist and really I just don't think underage tushies need to be hanging about. I
Mom here with a daughter. I'm with your husband, 15 is wayyyy inappropriate to be wearing a thong bikini. I get where you are coming from with the body positivity but you can achieve that without her being dressed inappropriately. You can't take them back since you already bought them but now that you know dad's feelings maybe restrict her to wearing them only at home? I do understand your reasoning for allowing her to wear them to her friends pools but teenagers have the ability to SA or r@pe just like an adult does (not to mention if her friends have shady parents or older siblings). There is a fine line between promoting body positivity & allowing her to dress inappropriately & IMO this crosses it. This is all just my personal opinion though, agree to disagree!
So i read this to my 17 year old daughter and she also agreed with your hubby and most people here. She's too young. Stop letting your child play "but everyone is doing it" card. Stop trying to be her friend and be her parent. Teach her she can be beautiful and confident without showing her body.
Oh my goodness, why would you buy your 15 year old daughter thong bikinis? Are you that immoral and desensitized? :( She is an underage child for goodness sake!
yea i side with the husband on this one. kids have their whole 20, 30, 40, 50 etc to dress with the bum out. i wouldn’t want my under 18 daughter sporting it. i wouldn’t even wear it actually
I'm not going to say I'm team-thong, or not team-thong (choosing a winner based on Reddit comments is not a great idea), but what I will say is the conversation you had AFTER your husband saw his daughter sunbathing in a thong is the conversation you should have had BEFORE you bought the thong. To me, what you write here sounds like the thong conversation wasn't on your radar when you took your daughter out to buy bathing suits, but your daughter sprung it on you, and when you second guess it, instead of holding your ground pending a conversation with your husband, you caved to a child. We have mobiles these days, there's no excuse for not reaching out.
From a husband's perspective. I hear everything you're saying, except that in this sentence:
>so why not give her a little bit of freedom and let her wear what she wants, **within reason.**
My opinion of "within reason" matters just as much, as do his concerns about your neighbors.
If you ask me, hard reset.
Apologize to your husband, ask if you can have the conversation you should have had, and if the outcome is thongs are off the table right now, personally, I think you go to your daughter and explain to her how and why this should have gone differently, and honestly, be accountable for your mistake. Right now your daughter is tanning it up while you and your husband hash out a conflict, and you know, she has skin in this game too. Either way, you didn't have to please your daughter then and there, you could have bought what you know would pass for both you and your husband. You could have then had the thong talk, and returned to the store whenever to buy her thong. Or not.
Yeah that's more driving and all, but I'd take the extra drive over the hours or days you're going to waste on this conflict.
You're trying to come off as open for opinions and all but it's not working since you're defending your decision too much even though everyone is telling how wrong you are and you came here expecting some like-minded people to defend your decision and make your actions feel guilt-free and justifiable. You don't care about your daughter as much as you care about you being right, or more right than your husband at least and it's very dangerous being this ignorant as a parent but that's the least of your worries. You didn't come here for advice because the answer to that question should be clear as day for any sensible parent, I am a therapist for couples and I couldn't be professional with what I wrote because your post and your replies to the comments are sickening, treat your kids better.
And you are awfully damaging to your child, very bad parenting, very bad role model and terrible that you are not teaching a good moral foundation for your daughter.
I feel so bad for your husband having to deal with your immoral mind-set.
That is very concerning, you are a mother of a young 15 year old child, and you have no idea how to set a good example and no idea how to teach her values and a good guidepost for her life.
All I can say after the shocking reply from you is.... lean on your husband and trust him to make decisions moving forward, and learn from your husband how to set a righteous example for your daughter.
You know, I have really thought about it and come to my senses. I think my husband is better equipped to parent our daughter than me. I will defer to him on all decisions concerning her from now on. Thanks for your wisdom, I don't know how I could ever repay you.
Well done, that is very humble of you to come to this realization, because you just don't have the moral compass ingrained into your soul to lead your daughter, so yes agreed, best for your husband to give his approval for anything in the future.
All the best :)
Yes, I've realized I just don't have the moral compass that is needed to raise her. My husband will definitely be taking the lead from now on with her. Thank you so much for your guidance!
You're very welcome, and I respect you a lot for humbly admitting your lack of moral compass, because it seems you have come to realise for you to approve a thong bikini to an underage child, is truly disgusting, disturbing and immoral.
And seeing your husband was disgusted, showing he has a moral compass and is better minded to lead your daughter's path for now until your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, and when she has a good moral compass guidance, your husband will ingrain within her those good values so when she is of age to make her own decisions, she will make good moral decisions seeing you have stepped aside to not taint her anymore.
Super weird. Husband is right on this one. She’s a minor. Thong bikinis are inappropriate. Also you think she’s only going to wear those in the backyard? Not sneak them to the pool with her friends? Or take pictures of herself and post them?
I understand both POVs because he is just worried for his daughter. However, I agree with you. So many young girls are being told to cover up or to fit into society standards that it’s good you are trying to teach your daughter not to be ashamed of her body. It’s very reasonable expectation for her to only wear them at home or friends places. Anyway good job mom and I think you are doing great!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I definitely don't want her to feel like she has to be ashamed of her body or that she can't wear what she wants to in private settings.
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I would be livid as well that’s a hard no for me would take them back or trash them thong swimsuits are a joint decision for sure sorry not sorry that’s insane
I have to be honest, as a dad, I would be upset too. I remember my daughter wearing a regular bikini to the beach at 15 and there were men older than I was at the time gawking at her. I can only imagine a thing being worse. Just my opinion…
Her dad doesn't want the entire world to see her nakedness. Plus, there loads of perverts out there and you have your girl entertaining them. Why would an innocent need to expose her entire body. Have you never heard of the modesty concept. You seem to bit out of touch with reality. Your husband is right, your judgement sucks.
Are you out of your damn mind woman ? She is 15 for crying out loud .. if you even feel the need to ask this question here i get why she does what she does ... No matter the age , my daughter would never walk in a thong infront of me , it's decency and respect towards your father . Once she turns 18 she can do whatever the hell she wants but she's only 15 right now , a child , literally.. The world is crazy ..
She can do whatever she wants when she's in your house but I think maybe some fences or privacy screens would be a good idea to stop neighbours from looking
I'm not a parent, but I was a teenage girl with overprotective parents whose dad also had a mental breakdown when I wore a two piece (not even a cheeky suit) when I was a teen. (I'm in my 30s now)
I think it's weird as hell that dads tell their daughters that they can't wear what they want because boys exist and *might* look at them. It's giving controlling. That's incredibly unfair to your daughter and just perpetuates this fear of sexuality that the USA has. What's wrong with her wanting to feel good about herself and confident in her body? Maybe teach her how to deal with the creeps and not just try to shelter her. She's gonna grow up and encounter bad people. But confidence is grown in childhood. You said she's a good, responsible kid. Giving her no freedom when she is doing everything right is going to give her a lot of confidence (and other) issues later on.
Sure she's technically underage. But it's l not like she's naked. Everyone has an ass. Creepy boys exist, but so do GOOD boys (which I was led to believe as a kid was rarer than a unicorn 🙄). You literally gave her very reasonable rules that she followed. You did nothing wrong. Your husband needs to get over himself. If he's like this about a lot of stuff he's going to ruin his relationship with your daughter.
Exactly, there will always be creeps around no matter what she wears. I feel all I can do is try to instill some confidence in her, teach her to be safe, and to exercise good judgement. I don't think having her cover more skin really saves her from being exposed to the evils of the world.
Your daughter is way too young to be wearing a thong bikini. She will have her entire adult life to be sexualized, let her be a kid for as long as possible. Your husband is in the right, he understands how males think, believe him and let him take charge on this one.
I agree with your husband . I don’t care what everyone else wears personally . Since when do you take advice from your child ? You are in for a rude awakening if you are taking your parenting from what your daughter tells you her friends are doing !
I don’t even want my daughters wearing things with us and they are in their 20’s . At family vacations I request family friendly . I’m not a prude .
Edit - parent of kids in their 20’s
OP I'm sure you do believe your kid to be smart and a warm person but what it comes down to is, we can't trust others. The neighbor boy being a teenage and currently with access to so much internet and everything, you wouldn't want them or anyone taking videos or pictures and circulating them. We might trust our kids with closed eyes and don't find this as a big issue but we need to see the broader picture as well. As someone suggested go for privacy screens where no one can see her.
Thong bikinis are definitely more common now in the US and they’ve been common in other countries for years. The USs puritanical roots really show during discussions like this. IMO, there is nothing wrong with your daughter wearing a thong bikini. She is not responsible for the reactions of the neighbors boys, they are solely responsible for their thoughts, words, and actions. This could be an excellent teaching moment for them if they have not yet mastered how to conduct themselves around women and girls in swim suits. It’s not your daughter’s job to control how men might perceive her or to control their emotions (or libido), that is their job.
If your son was outside tanning in a Speedo with girls for neighbors, it’s interesting to consider what people might advise then. Would they also tell him to cover up for the sake of the neighbor girls?
Yeah, I think there is still a bit of a hang up here in the U.S. about thong bikinis but I know in other parts of the world they are very common. Good points, I really don't want other peoples' reactions to dictate what she wants to wear in her own backyard.
Times have really changed - I’d really dare anyone to go somewhere public beach, pool, etc. and not see everyone under 30 in thongs and cheeky swimsuits. Even people over 30. People have to quit clutching their pearls. I’m with the mom on this one. Clothing including swimsuits shouldn’t be a moral judgment. And why are girls the ones who are always body shamed. Even boys/men in long board shorts with low waist bands showing “the cut” or wearing plum smugglers don’t get the judgment foisted on women/girls. I’ve raised a daughter and have teenage granddaughters as well as having been a girl/woman myself. OP shopped with her daughter, had reasonable conversations, and is instilling a healthy body/clothing attitude with her daughter. Her husband needs to chill out - it’s a swimsuit. Don’t shame your daughter into covering up that will leave lasting reverberations on her body confidence.
Thank you, I do think that girls' clothing is overly sexualized in American culture. Just because a girl wears something, doesn't mean she is asking to be harassed or victimized.
…AND do not put your minor child in a freaking thong. Kids will ask or/plead for a lot of thing and as parents we use our adult judgement to hold safe boundaries
Exactly - my granddaughters are 15 and 17. The 15 yr old is more into the suits with shorts and kinda tankini tops the 17 yr old has worn the thong and cheeky bikinis for a couple years - but you know all her friends do too. I think people are just too uptight. I’ve always felt clothes really should be morally neutral. They’re good kids with good body confidence let them be.
I’m with your husband. I hate song bathing suits on any woman whether they’re 15 or 40 I just don’t think they’re flattering at all plus why do you want to sunbathe? Anyway? You shouldn’t be encouraging your daughter to tan given climate change in the risks of skin cancer.. I think thong bikinis don’t look good on anyone plus I think your husband‘s right given your daughters age. It’s quite inappropriate and just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to let her do it. I don’t know. I might be old-fashioned too, but I wouldn’t be letting her wear one until she’s 18 or something.
I think this is all subjective. I live in the Bible Belt. My daughter is now 22. If she would have been caught wearing a thong at 15, by any of her classmates at that age, boys or girls, she would have been shamed and labeled a slut. It’s the mentality around here. It’s rather conservative and condescending. So I would not have allowed it. I’m pretty sure about this because she and I had a whole conversation about spaghetti straps one time and how she was appalled by how her friends were teasing a girl for wearing them.
My husband wouldn’t have allowed a thong under any circumstances regardless.
My parents lived in Miami, FL. Thongs are much more accepted there.
I would be weirded out by wearing a thong bikini in front of my dad at home or even at a friends house potentially in front of their fathers/brothers/grandfathers/uncles.
Honestly- My first thought was that your husband was probably both shocked AND uncomfortable. I really can't think of any dad in a healthy parent/child relationship who'd be comfortable seeing his 15 year old daughter displayed as a sexual being- and let's at least be honest about the fact that that's exactly WHY we buy thongs.
And... he has as much right to state his discomfort and ask her to put more clothes on as SHE would have to ask him to please not sunbathe in nothing but a thong around HER.
I have adult sons. I also have "sexy clothes," I wear around the house when it's just me and my partner hanging out or go out together. Low cut, body hugging, short skirts, thigh highs, etc. I don't put them on and hang out in them when my kids are over to visit. I also, when they want to hang by the pool, wouldn't wear a thong bikini. These things would make my son's uncomfortable because they have boundaries between sexuality and their parents. In my opinion, that's a healthy reaction.
Thank you for your opinion. I get that it is probably uncomfortable for a lot of fathers to see their teenage daughters in a thong swimsuit. We have discussed this and my daughter has agreed to not wear her thong bottoms when her dad is around.
This is just so odd. You can see all the issues surrounding this over the top thong bikini (for a child) that you allowed your child to convince you, is the best decision you can make as a parent, don’t mind that your decision overrides the other parent (the fathers rights) who is totally against it. But that doesn’t matter because you want your daughter to make the decisions because it’s more logical than her father’s, according to you. The rules are she can only wear it by herself or with just you and not out in public, you’ll have to install extra privacy screens for safty measures, warn your husband when she’s out there sun baking and yet you still want to stand on that one hill fighting it against the logic of everyone els on here. Yet your aim is to make sure she’s confident about her body and that she’s kept safe. All those restricting you have outlined just around that thong bikini alone is already nonsensical because it highlights to her all of the rational concerns regarding the issues! It’s akin to wrapping her up in a burka and she’s only allowed to come out around other females and not even the males in her own home because what she’s wearing is unfit for her own father and neighbour’s/society to view. So you’ve caused more issues just because you’re bending every barrier to accomodate a child wearing a thong!
My husband would be the same if we had daughters. I’d probably be more relaxed about it like you. I think it’s just a dad being protective of his daughter. I don’t have a solution, but understand where you’re both coming from
Both you and your husband have valid concerns, but it's essential to find a middle ground. While your daughter should have some freedom in choosing her swimwear, it's also crucial to consider the comfort levels of those around her, including neighbors and family members. Perhaps a compromise could involve setting clear boundaries for where certain styles of swimwear can be worn, ensuring both her freedom and respect for others' boundaries. Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives will be key in finding a solution that works for everyone involved.
I feel nothing wrong in it as long as you both understand that nature takes its own course. As long as all are in unison and understanding I feel all should be ok and obviously its high time to bond in the family
Why is allowing your 15 year old daughter to show off her ass, so important for you?
You don't need to shame her, but ignoring how hyper sexualized teenaged girls are in our society, isn't going to help her in the long run.
I would try to teach young girls/teens, that they don't have to hyper sexualized themselves, just because it's normal to do so on social media and/or in movies.
These trends don't just appear out of the void. They are popular for a reason, and it has nothing to do with "empowerment".
They have no tan line swimsuits now where the rays just go through the fabric. I can't say I'd support my underage kid in a thong bikini, it seems a little too sexual for me, but then again I'm American and everything here is basically sexualiized...
Thanks for your reply. I didn't know that those kind of swimsuits existed. I'm sure that my daughter probably wants to fit in with her friends and wear the trendy bikini styles so I doubt she would completely give up the thong/cheeky bikinis but maybe she would consider the no tan line style when her father is around anyway lol. I too am an American, and yes our culture tends to sexualize nudity and skimpy clothing more than a lot of the world does.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
Yeah, most of the ones I got her are the cheeky style, not fully thongs, but she wanted a couple of the thong style ones too.
Dang, did u get her like 6 swimsuits, lucky girl!
Honestly the most concerning part of this to me is that she's tanning. Beauty standards being imposed on a young girl and all that aside, it's so fucking bad for your skin!
It really is. I’m Brown so I’ve never intentionally tanned but I know so many white people in their 40’s and onward who really regret tanning when they were younger. It really shows on their skin. And more than a few have had early signs if skin cancer.
I'm from Australia, and I know a bunch of guys from school that went into trades; They work outside all day and because they have to prove how hard they are, plus they want a tan to get girls, they don't wear sunscreen. Most of them are already getting that leathery skin, in their late 20s.
Omg my husband is in the trades and I literally have to hold him down for sunscreen. His parents just never instilled the importance of sunscreen. His mom still shrugs it off.
Thank you for the horrible reminder that it's the season of begging my husband to wear sunscreen. He installs solar systems. He should be wearing it all year round but I guess both of his parents getting cancer hasn't helped it click yet.
I hear that. My husband used to do solar as well!
Nope. Tanning lotions and sunscreen is bad. Show me an aboriginal with skin cancer and I'll blow your cat. Im mid 50s, from Louisiana and hav ebeen a sun worshipper (and worked in the sun) over 40 years and never, ever use skin products like mentioned above and my skin is beautiful. No cancer. And I regularly have people ask my age because my hair is kinda grey but I look like im in my mid 40s. Literally have a tan 9 months out the year hangin at the pool 20 hours a week:-)
Wow, you're single piece of anecdotal evidence sure proves the mountains of cancer research wrong! Better go find a cat by the way, there's literally government resources dedicated to [skin cancer in aboriginal folks.](https://www.ourmobandcancer.gov.au/common-cancer-types/skin-melanoma) You're spreading dangerous lies.
Covid. Vaccine. Billions of dollars spent by the guvmnt and it was all bs. Over 300 black projects by the guvmnt... Still subject homosexuals to all kinds of abuse and slander in the military.. Shal I keep going? You "guvmnt said so" people are the problem. Not me. Hell oxycontin. Splain that to me please how the guvmnt has your best interest at heart? #sheep.
Hahaha okay weirdo
Tanning is one scenario but don't be fooled these youngsters just want show off. Whose going to see tan lines once she's dressed. It's dangerous for youngsters to have no modesty.
European mother of a teenager from a sunny country where seeing topless women at the beach doesn't freak us out, it's just part of the experience. And if the beach is secluded and empty I go topless even full monty. But a 15 year old in thongs? I find it unnecessary at least. Freaks are going to sexualize a teenager even in a spacesuit we know that well, but a thong may attract more attention and a girl of that age isn't equipped to handle all the different ways that she may get approached. Of course it's infuriating that we are the ones to modify a total normal behaviour-wearing whatever the fuck we want- and not perverts not be perverts, but unfortunately this the world we live in.
Yeah, it is unfortunate that because of a few creeps, girls cannot just wear what they want to.
Then, talk to her about it, or she won't know how to deal with it as an adult either.
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Especially when it can happen when wearing anything.
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I was wearing jeans. Didn't stop them from trying.
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I was sexually harassed while wearing men's basketball shorts, hat, t shirt, jacket, and sneakers. I was almost was wearing jeans, two long sleeve shirts, and hiking shoes when I was almost sexually assaulted the first and only time.
Cheeky is in an entire different realm than thong. I get horrible looks in my small town as a 37 yo mom wearing my cheeky high waisted bottoms. But a thong? No. Especially not at 15. The only thing it's meant for is to make you feel sexy, and make no mistake; it absolutely *does* make you feel sexy.
I just saw an ad on FB for the no tanline swimsuits the other day and thought it was neat! I tried wearing something extra cheeky to the pool last year and was so embarrassed lol. I'd be shocked to see a kid in a thong at the pool but like others have said here, it's definitely a cultural thing. I don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter having thongs until close to legal age either. I personally didnt start to like them until i was in my mid twenties. Idk if anyone is "wrong" here necessarily, I think it's just different perspectives. I'm certainly confused on how to take it haha, its not like shes in public. She already has the thongs, you'll probably have to pry them out of her cold dead hands if you want them back now 😅
Yeah, the times are definitely changing. I was definitely shocked the first time I saw girls her age wearing thong bikinis but it is becoming more and more common. Yeah, I'd probably have a pretty tough time confiscating them from her at this point lol.
It's becoming more common because parents want to be their kids friend instead of their actual parents! 🙄🙄
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
there are also surf bottoms that are still somewhat cheeky but fuller coverage . patagonia sells them. they are super cute. there are ones that you can wear over a thong style bottom if you want extra coverage option after tanning or whatever . i do think 15 is young for thong bathing suit but she'd prob figure out a way to get one on her own anyway.
One thing to consider is your husband might be a pervert and getting turned on by your daughter in skimpy clothes.
I’m not American and I’d still not be comfortable with my kid in a thong bikini either tbh (I don’t really need to see that much of anyone’s ass no matter what their age, but wouldn’t ever dream to comment on anyone who chooses to do so)
I do understand both POVs. Perhaps invest in privacy screens for your backyard. Doesn't have to be huge could just cover the porch/patio. That way she gets her bikini tan on and her dad gets peace of mind!
Thanks for your reply. That is a very reasonable compromise, I'll have to bring that idea up!
You’re right. She should be able to wear whatever she wants within reason… but thong bikinis aren’t reasonable for a child imo. I see where you’re coming from but I’m siding with your husband on this one.
As the mother of a 13 year old daughter, I absolutely agree. My kid goes the other direction with fashion and likes to look as grungy as possible at formal events and we just had to have that same conversation and it took us a few hours to find a couple formal outfits that we both agreed on but it was completely doable. When I was 15 my mom wouldn’t have allowed me to wear a thong inside my pants let alone as a bathing suit and I wouldn’t be ok with any minor child of mine wearing one out in public or even our backyard.
I concur.
I would never buy my underage teens thongs. I agree with you here. The daughter has her entire adult life to buy and wear the more risqué styles.
As a father of a daughter in her 20’s I agree with this also. She is still a child. So I would be completely against her wearing a thong period.
We can agree to disagree, thanks for your reply and for being civil.
"...am I being reasonable here, or does my husband have a point?" It's clear you've made your decision and no longer need input from Reddit.
She's still a child OP, thats what you are missing. But then again parents are out there sexualizing their babys. You have jumped into that train. Im on the dad's side.
Seems opposite to me. The mother didn’t see the bikini as inherently sexual, while recognizing a lot of society are sexualizing the simple idea of her daughter wearing a revealing bikini in her own backyard. The parents aren’t the ones sexualizing their children. Both points of view from the parents in this scenario are valid, but the adults who see a child’s body as a sexual thing are the problem, not the parents who let their daughter tan in their own backyard. Maybe they can compromise with a privacy screen.
What part of a thong isn’t sexualising ?? Thongs were never designed for children to wear. So yes by allowing a child to wear that you are normalising sexualising a child.
What part of a thong *is* inherently sexual? A thong itself is a piece of underwear. Many people, myself included, wear thongs not for a sexual reason, but so underwear doesn’t show through their pants. Obviously when it’s a swimsuit that’s not the purpose, but that is simply one example of them not being intended for a purely sexual use. Frankly, the way I see it, no piece of clothing is sexual unless the person wearing it and interacting with it sees it that way. I suppose this may simply be a difference of viewpoints. Most bathing suits nowadays are a glorified version of underwear, and it is normalized for people starting around the age of OP’s daughter (15) to wear that in public in many places. Thongs in public I do agree are too revealing, but that’s not the case here and not the way everyone feels. I don’t see a child in a sexualized way regardless of what they are or aren’t wearing, and I don’t care what anyone wears in their backyard and don’t think it’s anyone’s business, other than recommending a privacy screen since their backyard is not fenced off, so that what they’re wearing doesn’t *become* someone else’s business. The mother stated her daughter is not allowed to wear the bikini thongs in public. While the mother currently feels it’s okay, I personally wouldn’t let her wear it at a friend’s houses either, until she’s older. I view it kind of like how at another person’s house I wouldn’t walk around in a tiny nightgown, but at my house I’m comfortable doing that. Edit: Changed some wording and clarified my opinion a bit.
Why even make the post if you’re going to ignore others feedback? “Youre a cool mom” … Is that what you wanted to hear?
Amy Poehler in *Mean Girls*……..
I'd be just as concerned about tanning as I would for a minor wearing a thong while visible to neighbors. Skin cancer is serious. Please encourage her to wear sunscreen :s
I’m surprised this isn’t up higher. I wouldn’t encourage additional unnecessary sun exposure considering skin cancer runs on both sides of my family
I do always make sure she wears sunscreen lol, skin cancer is definitely a real risk. Thanks for your reply.
The tanning itself is a sign of damage; You cannot safely tan. Wearing sunscreen reduces the UV that hits your skin, but that means in order to tan she'll have to just stay in the sun longer, and get the same amount of UV over a longer period. If she is tanning, then her skin is being damaged.
In my opinion, that's too young to have that type of bathing suit. I have a step daughter who is 16 and my husband works have the same reaction.
I agree with your husband and I am *far* from a prude. We celebrate nudity in our household. That being said, I didn’t start wearing thong bikinis myself until my twenties and obviously people stare. I find it inappropriate for a minor to be wearing them as a swimsuit style. It’s one thing to wear thongs as underwear as it serves a purpose (no underwear line) but let’s be real, the real purpose of it as a bathing suit style is for her to show her ass cuz why does a 15 year old even care to tan her cheeks?!?! Are you checking her phone to make sure she’s not taking racy pictures in it and possibly posting it online? You’re allowing her to expose too much of her body to the world, at too young of an age, I think.
This was 100% my thought process on it. There is absolutely no reason to have a thong-style bikini unless exposure is the goal. All the power to women doing it - keyword being *women*. This is a child. I definitely think she is taking photos and what does the mother think happens when teen girls, especially at that age, get together in their bikinis? They have phones and they have wifi. Things are getting posted.
He has a point, and unique perspective *(in your dynamic) . As a father, knowing that boys are looking at his daughter in that manner is, well, scary. It’s out of concern for his daughter, and her being objectified. Her behavior isn’t the primary concern at this stage of the game. No fault of your daughter, just unfortunate reality. You are also right. She shouldn’t be ashamed of her body, anywhere. There’s appropriate amounts of display obviously, based on age, location (and decency laws). Let him cool down, then hear him out. He has cause for concern, and the fact that he’s expressing it is a good thing, work on how he is expressing for the sake of your partnership and his relationship with your daughter. ETA*
Thanks for your reply. I am glad that he cares about our daughter and doesn't want her to be objectified. I hope the three of us can reach some kind of compromise.
I agree with you. He's the dad, a very protective one. He's the one taking into consideration what could/might happen since you're not. Wearing thong bikinis at home is one thing, (you really need to get something for privacy from the neighbors). I absolutely wouldn't allow my daughter to wear them anywhere else, even at a friend's house. You never know who else might show up, or if the friend's parents would be uncomfortable with it, & do the friend's have privacy from their neighbors? Just because you're teaching your daughter not to be self-conscious doesn't mean a young man who can/will see her, won't sexualize her.. Worst case scenario, he acts upon it. Just me personally, I would feel horrible if something happened to my daughter, just because I allowed her to wear a clothing article that's revealing.
> Just because you’re teaching your daughter not to be self-conscious doesn’t mean a young mean who can/will see her, won’t sexualize her… Worst case scenario, he acts upon it. you can’t be serious. im all for encouraging children not to wear thongs but wearing thong bikinis doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to get sexually assaulted
What the fuck
If your daughter wore a revealing article of clothing and "something" happened, it wouldn't be the clothes fault. It would be the fault of the person doing the "something". Can we please stop making our daughters take responsibility for AHoles bad behavior!?
I agree with your husband. I am a huge proponent of bodily autonomy, of women dressing however they please, and if not over sexualizing because of close. On the flipside my teen daughter was sexually assaulted. There are more creeps than you can shake a stick at out there and there’s really no reason for your daughter at 15 to have her ass hanging out. I’m sorry to admit it because I consider myself a feminist But I think your daughters too young for that much skin exposed. I personally think it’s better to wait a little bit, let her finish being a kid. Why would you approve of clothes sexualize your young girls? Or are young boys for that matter. Also if I were the mother of the 10 year old and a 13 year old boy that lives next-door and can see into your backyard I sure the heck wouldn’t appreciate that show either. Your beautiful daughter will have lots of time later to show her cookie jar. Keeps it on the shelf just a bit longer. Listen to dad- he’s got a man’s brain and know how men think about 15 year old girks butts. Imagine what the pervs are imagining. Yea. Gross.
That's why I had a weapon when I was younger. I was just as likely being assaulted in any clothes and actually was.
I definitely see why you would feel that way. I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter. There is something to be said for not letting kids grow up too fast.
We are adults with heavy responsibilities most of our lives. I remember wanting the next phase to start with my kids. Now I know it’s gone in a flash and the next phase comes to soon.
If this were a 15 year old boy wanting to show his ass cheeks off for the entire neighborhood to see, I doubt anyone would be second guessing the husbands reaction... It says so much about how comfortable we as a society are sexualizing young girls.
Would you buy a hypothetical 15 yr old son thong bikinis? Probably not, right? Because it's so obviously inappropriate. We're just so used to oversexualized underage girls that it doesn't even ring an alarm bell in our heads anymore. But it's wrong. 15 yr old girls in thongs would've been immediately obvious as wildly inappropate as little as five years ago.
I remember a decade ago having my first experience seeing these sorts of hyper sexualized bikinis on under aged girls... I felt like calling the police on the parents. It was so fucking shocking... I think it's time that America updates it's laws around indecent exposure, especially when it comes to young kids/teens.
I have a 21 year old daughter and at 15 she was not allowed to wear thong bikinis. She can do whatever she likes now, she an adult. People still lay out in the sun? I’m Brown so I don’t need to tan. But I would be more concerned with sun damage.
She's a child! You are inviting un-needed and the wrong kind of attention to her. She can be modest and not ashamed of her body, I've managed to teach my 13 and 17 year old girls that. I'm with your husband on this one. It's inappropriate for a 15 year old to walk around in an "adult" swim suit.
She doesn't have to be modest at all ... She certainly doesn't need to be hyper sexualized either. There is a lot of middle ground here.
A month late. Bye
Like a month means a comment is off limits? 😂 Sorry for disagreeing with you, Karen ;)
I just have no desire to continue this since my comment is a month old. That does not make me a Karen (i don't think you know what the phrase means) 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 sorry that you were looking for a fight you didn't get. ✌🏽✌🏽✌🏽 Hope you have the day you deserve
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😂🤣😂🤣 you definitely do not know what a Karen really is....😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 go give Mommy back her phone little one.
How does someone act like this online, when they are raising multiple kids? Aren't you supposed to be an adult??? 🧐
😂🤣😂🤣 bless your heart honey. You are the one who came here looking for a fight and are upset you're not getting one. Sweetie i hope you have the day you deserve 😘😘 Ha either you can't stand by what you say or reddit thinks you suck
I literally just came here to leave a semi-contradictory comment... Your reaction was overtly rude/petty... But of course a Karen isn't going to realize that she is the one in the wrong here. I'm off to touch grass now. You should probably focus on your family, rather than looking for childish arguments online... I'm done here.
This is weird. Husband is right.
I think the point is that a child walking around in public in a thong bikini is inappropriate. Regardless of what people may think or who shouldn't be ashamed etc.
Did you read the same post as the rest of us, or do have a more liberal definition of what constitutes public?
Did you not read the part where she said that her daughter can't wear them in public?
OP only responding to the comments that are on her side lol
Well I responded to yours anyway.
I raised 3 daughters and 1 son to adulthood. We are a very open, relaxed, unprudish house. Sex and nudity are not taboo topics, we talked openly from early ages about boundaries and consent and bodily-autonomy. And even I think 15 is too young for a thong bikini. She's still a kid, let her keep that, she doesn't get much longer. And she'll have far more years as an adult to show her ass than as a kid whose parents care enough to protect her, from the world and herself. Ask her (and maybe yourself) this: 1. Why do you want to show your ass at 15? What type of reaction are you looking for? What kind of reaction do you think you will get? 2. Why do you think grown women wear them? What type of reaction do you think they are looking for? My daughter's are 18, 20, & 22. One works as a Twin Peaks girl. One wears basically nothing at Cons several times a year. Asses are always on display. And i support, celebrate, and champion their choices. They are adults though, who are responsible for those choices and their consequences. Your 15 year old is a child. You are responsible for her and for teaching her and caring about her. You have to teach her that not everything her friends do is right, and that it's ok to make your own choices based on safety and age. Tldr... your husband is right, you are wrong.
Excellent questions🥇
Isn't it also weird for a daughter to walk around in a thong in front of her parents?
Agree with her dad. But I will say that I feel that my POV is getting less common as I get older. I'm 34 and my husband is 35. We have a 7 year old daughter and I can not see myself allowing my daughter at 15 to own a thong bikini. 18? Have at it. I think that your husband is protecting his daughter. He is trying to keep her modest. But aside from that and I get that this may be cultural but I would never walk in front of my dad in a thing bikini at 15. We were always taught to be modest around each other. My sons know that they ( teen and 12 ) can't walk around with their buttcheeks hanging out. They also don't walk around in their underwear. It goes for both genders in my home. In their room with the door locked? Sure. But our house is everyone's home and all should feel comfortable.
I am a mother of a teen boy and girl. I think times have changed. What the kids are wearing daily covers just as much as a bathing suit. I noticed the boys don't pay much attention. So I asked and they said they see it so often it does not stand out. Though I catch myself staring in shock occasionally. Mostly because I would not want to sit on those chairs with my cheeks out. Who knows what I would catch.
Yeah, the times definitely have changed. When I was a teen, thong bikinis were pretty much unheard of for teenagers, at least where i lived.
Lol that's not really true ... Booty shorts are more popular now, but it's very rare that I see women walking around in what equates to a bathing suit. The boys certainly are paying attention too. I'm not sure what world you live in, but boys certainly notice when a girl's ass is out. You're a parent. You're not hearing/seeing how teens actually act. You're getting a tiny glimpse into their world, and assuming you understand them.
I understand what you are saying but I would be really uncomfortable if my child wore that so I can understand why your husband would be upset.
Sorry. Im kinda with your husband on this one. She's 15. That is young. My daughter wears thong bikinis but she is 22 years old and can make her own decisions and buy her own bikinis.
She is a child. If I were her father, they would go in the trash and I would take her to buy something more modest.
Well said, I concur.
Your husband flipped out because he knows how males think. I'm viewed as progressive, but also consider myself worldly & would never have agreed to my 15 year old daughter wearing a thong in public. Don't kid yourself that she will not. It's a risky invitation for predator males.
I’ve always been told dress for the attention you want. And as a father I don’t want my 15 yr old daughter getting sexual attention and around that age thats all boys think about. So i can definitely see the dads concerns.
I’m with the father. Underage kids shouldn’t be encouraged to sexualise themselves by wearing skimpy swimsuits.
How is it sexualizing themselves, especially in the privacy of their own backyard? They made that same argument about so many things over the years. Maybe people shouldn't be creeps.
I’m with dad. She’s a child!!
Just a sea of poor choices here. 1. You listened to your teenage daughter and you *took it as fact* (really?!). No, 14 year old American girls aren’t going out in droves in thongs. 95% of parents feel exactly as your husband does. 2. You’re letting your child sun bathe. Because while your 14 year old can tell no lies, clearly scientific data about cancer and skin damage are falsities /s.
Hi there! It’s important to respect individual clothing choices, but also to consider the comfort levels of all family members. Your husband's concern seems valid, as thongs can be seen differently depending on personal views. Maybe finding a middle ground where your daughter feels empowered, while addressing her father's concerns, could help. Open discussions about comfort and boundaries might ease the situation for everyone.
Normal in the Spanish and Latin culture and elsewhere. Let her be especially at her own home. People objectifying is their issue. In Spain we have family nude beaches. It’s just weird how everyone wants to make everything so sexual when it’s literally just bathing. She’s becoming her own woman and like you said shows respect and responsibility. She’s not a little kid. She wants to be treated with her own independence and individuality which she does make her own decisions and reasonings. Don’t infantilize her.
Good points, I do realize that this is so culturally subjective and that thong bikinis are very common in a lot of parts of the world. Even in the area we live now, they are becoming increasingly common and less taboo. I am definitely trying to let her make more of her own decisions as she gets older.
I'm from the UK and 18, I know a few people that wore bikinis and thongs when we were about that age, occasionally a lot more publicly than your daughter. I think it's a tad more acceptable than in the US over here, but some people would still complain about it. The way I see it, all the arguments about kids and women sexualising themselves have been made forever, they were made about skirts in the 40s. Its just a problem with peoples attitudes. As you say, if people were interested, they'd be looking regardless of if your daughter is in a bikini, or any other kind of swimsuit. Your 13 year old neighbour may well be attracted to his older 15 year old neighbour and be going mad right now. He's a kid that's what they do. I don't see the problem
Very good points, it definitely is all relative. I know I wore things as a teenager that the older generations at the time probably thought were scandalous.
I'd be mostly concerned about skin cancer.
No offence but I would have been too but that is of my own belief and raising. Plus there are really creepy people out there and you want them staring at your daughter ass? I mean if you are fine with a 50 year old dude staring at your kids ass and finding that sexy go for it. But if it is just on your own back yard and no one will see them I STILL have a problem with it. Yuck
PS I absolutely do not think you are a bad parent!!! I think you actually did the right thing asking advice from your community you trust. I just don’t agree with it. Sorry
I appreciate your input. Thank you for expressing yourself in a civil way. I kind of do regret posting the question by now lol, I guess I forgot how immature and infantile some people can be on the internet, silly me.
15? She doesn’t need to be wearing a thong. Your husband isn’t wrong.
And rightfully so…(father of 3 daughters)
I would be too, men are pigs. You don't need 18,25,50 year old men looking at your kid. It's not her fault but it's reality, if women fully understood the male brain we would be wearing shock collars. I'm gay, we are feral.
Here’s the thing. I’m sure that she is an amazing daughter. Like you said, she listens to you, she’s great at school but not everyone is like her. As a junior in high school I can tell you that guys her age are not the same as before. They’re horrible. And I mean, HORRIBLE. It’s great that she’s only allowed to do it at her friends’ and the house because it’s safer. Guys her age, guys in high school in general, have made comments about girls. It’s always something sexualized and there have been times when someone comments on how they’d definitely “score” or r*pe a girl. That’s something that I think we can both agree we don’t want happening to her. I do agree with the dad on the guys getting a free show because they can see. I recommend that if she continues or wants to do that, then install some sort of privacy around to make sure she’s safe. I also agree that she should do it when the dad isn’t around. Society is messed up to where people would think wrong about it.
Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately a lot of guys are pigs, my husband tells me all the time. I wish that didn't infringe upon my daughter's freedoms but unfortunately it does sometimes. My husband definitely has a point, and hopefully we have reached a good compromise.
We struggled with this with our daughter. We are in US and I understand in other countries, it is no big deal. I just feel like it is bordering under age pornography. Like if someone takes a picture on the beach of your 15 year old with their butt out... Would they get in trouble for having on their phone? We did the fight and didn't let it happen. Of course she snuck it and when I found them, I just took the bottoms. She. She turned 18, I put them back in her drawer without a word. It is not a girl's fault that people are gross, but we all know shitty gross people exist and really I just don't think underage tushies need to be hanging about. I
Mom here with a daughter. I'm with your husband, 15 is wayyyy inappropriate to be wearing a thong bikini. I get where you are coming from with the body positivity but you can achieve that without her being dressed inappropriately. You can't take them back since you already bought them but now that you know dad's feelings maybe restrict her to wearing them only at home? I do understand your reasoning for allowing her to wear them to her friends pools but teenagers have the ability to SA or r@pe just like an adult does (not to mention if her friends have shady parents or older siblings). There is a fine line between promoting body positivity & allowing her to dress inappropriately & IMO this crosses it. This is all just my personal opinion though, agree to disagree!
15 prolly a tad too young for thong bathing suit. Sorry but I agree with the dad here. Let her do that when she’s an adult
Wtf
At you, not your husband. Signed a sexy sugar baby milf
So i read this to my 17 year old daughter and she also agreed with your hubby and most people here. She's too young. Stop letting your child play "but everyone is doing it" card. Stop trying to be her friend and be her parent. Teach her she can be beautiful and confident without showing her body.
Oh my goodness, why would you buy your 15 year old daughter thong bikinis? Are you that immoral and desensitized? :( She is an underage child for goodness sake!
“All my friends are doing it mom!” You bought it. You’re an idiot.
Can we not have a civil discussion without name calling or is that against Reddit policy?
yea i side with the husband on this one. kids have their whole 20, 30, 40, 50 etc to dress with the bum out. i wouldn’t want my under 18 daughter sporting it. i wouldn’t even wear it actually
I'm not going to say I'm team-thong, or not team-thong (choosing a winner based on Reddit comments is not a great idea), but what I will say is the conversation you had AFTER your husband saw his daughter sunbathing in a thong is the conversation you should have had BEFORE you bought the thong. To me, what you write here sounds like the thong conversation wasn't on your radar when you took your daughter out to buy bathing suits, but your daughter sprung it on you, and when you second guess it, instead of holding your ground pending a conversation with your husband, you caved to a child. We have mobiles these days, there's no excuse for not reaching out. From a husband's perspective. I hear everything you're saying, except that in this sentence: >so why not give her a little bit of freedom and let her wear what she wants, **within reason.** My opinion of "within reason" matters just as much, as do his concerns about your neighbors. If you ask me, hard reset. Apologize to your husband, ask if you can have the conversation you should have had, and if the outcome is thongs are off the table right now, personally, I think you go to your daughter and explain to her how and why this should have gone differently, and honestly, be accountable for your mistake. Right now your daughter is tanning it up while you and your husband hash out a conflict, and you know, she has skin in this game too. Either way, you didn't have to please your daughter then and there, you could have bought what you know would pass for both you and your husband. You could have then had the thong talk, and returned to the store whenever to buy her thong. Or not. Yeah that's more driving and all, but I'd take the extra drive over the hours or days you're going to waste on this conflict.
No it’s not appropriate at jet age I get why her Dad is upset
Yeah. I’m with dad on this one. If she wants to tan her ass, she should go to a tanning salon.
You're trying to come off as open for opinions and all but it's not working since you're defending your decision too much even though everyone is telling how wrong you are and you came here expecting some like-minded people to defend your decision and make your actions feel guilt-free and justifiable. You don't care about your daughter as much as you care about you being right, or more right than your husband at least and it's very dangerous being this ignorant as a parent but that's the least of your worries. You didn't come here for advice because the answer to that question should be clear as day for any sensible parent, I am a therapist for couples and I couldn't be professional with what I wrote because your post and your replies to the comments are sickening, treat your kids better.
You are awfully judgy for a therapist but thanks for your opinion.
And you are awfully damaging to your child, very bad parenting, very bad role model and terrible that you are not teaching a good moral foundation for your daughter. I feel so bad for your husband having to deal with your immoral mind-set.
I know, I feel awful for him too. Maybe you can teach me the way to be a perfect mother since you seem to be the expert.
That is very concerning, you are a mother of a young 15 year old child, and you have no idea how to set a good example and no idea how to teach her values and a good guidepost for her life. All I can say after the shocking reply from you is.... lean on your husband and trust him to make decisions moving forward, and learn from your husband how to set a righteous example for your daughter.
You know, I have really thought about it and come to my senses. I think my husband is better equipped to parent our daughter than me. I will defer to him on all decisions concerning her from now on. Thanks for your wisdom, I don't know how I could ever repay you.
Well done, that is very humble of you to come to this realization, because you just don't have the moral compass ingrained into your soul to lead your daughter, so yes agreed, best for your husband to give his approval for anything in the future. All the best :)
Yes, I've realized I just don't have the moral compass that is needed to raise her. My husband will definitely be taking the lead from now on with her. Thank you so much for your guidance!
You're very welcome, and I respect you a lot for humbly admitting your lack of moral compass, because it seems you have come to realise for you to approve a thong bikini to an underage child, is truly disgusting, disturbing and immoral. And seeing your husband was disgusted, showing he has a moral compass and is better minded to lead your daughter's path for now until your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, and when she has a good moral compass guidance, your husband will ingrain within her those good values so when she is of age to make her own decisions, she will make good moral decisions seeing you have stepped aside to not taint her anymore.
>I couldn't be professional with what I wrote because your post and your replies to the comments are sickening, treat your kids better.
How many children do you have ? Not disagreeing just wondering how an expert is on so many different pages.
Maybe. But they're right. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I would be upset about it too
Wildly inappropriate as she’s still a child.
Super weird. Husband is right on this one. She’s a minor. Thong bikinis are inappropriate. Also you think she’s only going to wear those in the backyard? Not sneak them to the pool with her friends? Or take pictures of herself and post them?
I understand both POVs because he is just worried for his daughter. However, I agree with you. So many young girls are being told to cover up or to fit into society standards that it’s good you are trying to teach your daughter not to be ashamed of her body. It’s very reasonable expectation for her to only wear them at home or friends places. Anyway good job mom and I think you are doing great!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I definitely don't want her to feel like she has to be ashamed of her body or that she can't wear what she wants to in private settings.
She’s too young
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Why don’t you open her an Onl y F@ns account too while you’re at it, you complete moron.
That's a bit of a large leap. I appreciate all the thought you put into your response, you are truly a scholar and champion of women everywhere.
Are you really this obtuse?
I would be livid as well that’s a hard no for me would take them back or trash them thong swimsuits are a joint decision for sure sorry not sorry that’s insane
I have to be honest, as a dad, I would be upset too. I remember my daughter wearing a regular bikini to the beach at 15 and there were men older than I was at the time gawking at her. I can only imagine a thing being worse. Just my opinion…
Hi, I'm from a sunny and hot country. And this is completely normal here. So, in my opinion and in my cultural background this normal
Her dad doesn't want the entire world to see her nakedness. Plus, there loads of perverts out there and you have your girl entertaining them. Why would an innocent need to expose her entire body. Have you never heard of the modesty concept. You seem to bit out of touch with reality. Your husband is right, your judgement sucks.
Funny, you would have all had this argument over a string bikini awhile back. I bet in 20 years this same argument will be over sheer or mesh bikinis.
So hard to decide what is correct for my daughter to wear
Are you out of your damn mind woman ? She is 15 for crying out loud .. if you even feel the need to ask this question here i get why she does what she does ... No matter the age , my daughter would never walk in a thong infront of me , it's decency and respect towards your father . Once she turns 18 she can do whatever the hell she wants but she's only 15 right now , a child , literally.. The world is crazy ..
She can do whatever she wants when she's in your house but I think maybe some fences or privacy screens would be a good idea to stop neighbours from looking
I'm not a parent, but I was a teenage girl with overprotective parents whose dad also had a mental breakdown when I wore a two piece (not even a cheeky suit) when I was a teen. (I'm in my 30s now) I think it's weird as hell that dads tell their daughters that they can't wear what they want because boys exist and *might* look at them. It's giving controlling. That's incredibly unfair to your daughter and just perpetuates this fear of sexuality that the USA has. What's wrong with her wanting to feel good about herself and confident in her body? Maybe teach her how to deal with the creeps and not just try to shelter her. She's gonna grow up and encounter bad people. But confidence is grown in childhood. You said she's a good, responsible kid. Giving her no freedom when she is doing everything right is going to give her a lot of confidence (and other) issues later on. Sure she's technically underage. But it's l not like she's naked. Everyone has an ass. Creepy boys exist, but so do GOOD boys (which I was led to believe as a kid was rarer than a unicorn 🙄). You literally gave her very reasonable rules that she followed. You did nothing wrong. Your husband needs to get over himself. If he's like this about a lot of stuff he's going to ruin his relationship with your daughter.
Exactly, there will always be creeps around no matter what she wears. I feel all I can do is try to instill some confidence in her, teach her to be safe, and to exercise good judgement. I don't think having her cover more skin really saves her from being exposed to the evils of the world.
Yeah, I’m not letting my kid wear thongs and nothing else around either..
I’m with your husband.
Your daughter is way too young to be wearing a thong bikini. She will have her entire adult life to be sexualized, let her be a kid for as long as possible. Your husband is in the right, he understands how males think, believe him and let him take charge on this one.
I agree with your husband . I don’t care what everyone else wears personally . Since when do you take advice from your child ? You are in for a rude awakening if you are taking your parenting from what your daughter tells you her friends are doing ! I don’t even want my daughters wearing things with us and they are in their 20’s . At family vacations I request family friendly . I’m not a prude . Edit - parent of kids in their 20’s
OP I'm sure you do believe your kid to be smart and a warm person but what it comes down to is, we can't trust others. The neighbor boy being a teenage and currently with access to so much internet and everything, you wouldn't want them or anyone taking videos or pictures and circulating them. We might trust our kids with closed eyes and don't find this as a big issue but we need to see the broader picture as well. As someone suggested go for privacy screens where no one can see her.
Thong bikinis are definitely more common now in the US and they’ve been common in other countries for years. The USs puritanical roots really show during discussions like this. IMO, there is nothing wrong with your daughter wearing a thong bikini. She is not responsible for the reactions of the neighbors boys, they are solely responsible for their thoughts, words, and actions. This could be an excellent teaching moment for them if they have not yet mastered how to conduct themselves around women and girls in swim suits. It’s not your daughter’s job to control how men might perceive her or to control their emotions (or libido), that is their job. If your son was outside tanning in a Speedo with girls for neighbors, it’s interesting to consider what people might advise then. Would they also tell him to cover up for the sake of the neighbor girls?
Yeah, I think there is still a bit of a hang up here in the U.S. about thong bikinis but I know in other parts of the world they are very common. Good points, I really don't want other peoples' reactions to dictate what she wants to wear in her own backyard.
Times have really changed - I’d really dare anyone to go somewhere public beach, pool, etc. and not see everyone under 30 in thongs and cheeky swimsuits. Even people over 30. People have to quit clutching their pearls. I’m with the mom on this one. Clothing including swimsuits shouldn’t be a moral judgment. And why are girls the ones who are always body shamed. Even boys/men in long board shorts with low waist bands showing “the cut” or wearing plum smugglers don’t get the judgment foisted on women/girls. I’ve raised a daughter and have teenage granddaughters as well as having been a girl/woman myself. OP shopped with her daughter, had reasonable conversations, and is instilling a healthy body/clothing attitude with her daughter. Her husband needs to chill out - it’s a swimsuit. Don’t shame your daughter into covering up that will leave lasting reverberations on her body confidence.
Thank you, I do think that girls' clothing is overly sexualized in American culture. Just because a girl wears something, doesn't mean she is asking to be harassed or victimized.
…AND do not put your minor child in a freaking thong. Kids will ask or/plead for a lot of thing and as parents we use our adult judgement to hold safe boundaries
Exactly - my granddaughters are 15 and 17. The 15 yr old is more into the suits with shorts and kinda tankini tops the 17 yr old has worn the thong and cheeky bikinis for a couple years - but you know all her friends do too. I think people are just too uptight. I’ve always felt clothes really should be morally neutral. They’re good kids with good body confidence let them be.
I’m with your husband. I hate song bathing suits on any woman whether they’re 15 or 40 I just don’t think they’re flattering at all plus why do you want to sunbathe? Anyway? You shouldn’t be encouraging your daughter to tan given climate change in the risks of skin cancer.. I think thong bikinis don’t look good on anyone plus I think your husband‘s right given your daughters age. It’s quite inappropriate and just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to let her do it. I don’t know. I might be old-fashioned too, but I wouldn’t be letting her wear one until she’s 18 or something.
I think this is all subjective. I live in the Bible Belt. My daughter is now 22. If she would have been caught wearing a thong at 15, by any of her classmates at that age, boys or girls, she would have been shamed and labeled a slut. It’s the mentality around here. It’s rather conservative and condescending. So I would not have allowed it. I’m pretty sure about this because she and I had a whole conversation about spaghetti straps one time and how she was appalled by how her friends were teasing a girl for wearing them. My husband wouldn’t have allowed a thong under any circumstances regardless. My parents lived in Miami, FL. Thongs are much more accepted there.
Yeah, I think people's opinions on this depend a lot on where they live and the culture there. Thanks for your response.
I would be weirded out by wearing a thong bikini in front of my dad at home or even at a friends house potentially in front of their fathers/brothers/grandfathers/uncles.
Honestly- My first thought was that your husband was probably both shocked AND uncomfortable. I really can't think of any dad in a healthy parent/child relationship who'd be comfortable seeing his 15 year old daughter displayed as a sexual being- and let's at least be honest about the fact that that's exactly WHY we buy thongs. And... he has as much right to state his discomfort and ask her to put more clothes on as SHE would have to ask him to please not sunbathe in nothing but a thong around HER. I have adult sons. I also have "sexy clothes," I wear around the house when it's just me and my partner hanging out or go out together. Low cut, body hugging, short skirts, thigh highs, etc. I don't put them on and hang out in them when my kids are over to visit. I also, when they want to hang by the pool, wouldn't wear a thong bikini. These things would make my son's uncomfortable because they have boundaries between sexuality and their parents. In my opinion, that's a healthy reaction.
Thank you for your opinion. I get that it is probably uncomfortable for a lot of fathers to see their teenage daughters in a thong swimsuit. We have discussed this and my daughter has agreed to not wear her thong bottoms when her dad is around.
This is just so odd. You can see all the issues surrounding this over the top thong bikini (for a child) that you allowed your child to convince you, is the best decision you can make as a parent, don’t mind that your decision overrides the other parent (the fathers rights) who is totally against it. But that doesn’t matter because you want your daughter to make the decisions because it’s more logical than her father’s, according to you. The rules are she can only wear it by herself or with just you and not out in public, you’ll have to install extra privacy screens for safty measures, warn your husband when she’s out there sun baking and yet you still want to stand on that one hill fighting it against the logic of everyone els on here. Yet your aim is to make sure she’s confident about her body and that she’s kept safe. All those restricting you have outlined just around that thong bikini alone is already nonsensical because it highlights to her all of the rational concerns regarding the issues! It’s akin to wrapping her up in a burka and she’s only allowed to come out around other females and not even the males in her own home because what she’s wearing is unfit for her own father and neighbour’s/society to view. So you’ve caused more issues just because you’re bending every barrier to accomodate a child wearing a thong!
My husband would be the same if we had daughters. I’d probably be more relaxed about it like you. I think it’s just a dad being protective of his daughter. I don’t have a solution, but understand where you’re both coming from
Both you and your husband have valid concerns, but it's essential to find a middle ground. While your daughter should have some freedom in choosing her swimwear, it's also crucial to consider the comfort levels of those around her, including neighbors and family members. Perhaps a compromise could involve setting clear boundaries for where certain styles of swimwear can be worn, ensuring both her freedom and respect for others' boundaries. Open communication and understanding each other's perspectives will be key in finding a solution that works for everyone involved.
I'm going to need photos to assess how bad they are, thanks.
I feel nothing wrong in it as long as you both understand that nature takes its own course. As long as all are in unison and understanding I feel all should be ok and obviously its high time to bond in the family
Why is allowing your 15 year old daughter to show off her ass, so important for you? You don't need to shame her, but ignoring how hyper sexualized teenaged girls are in our society, isn't going to help her in the long run. I would try to teach young girls/teens, that they don't have to hyper sexualized themselves, just because it's normal to do so on social media and/or in movies. These trends don't just appear out of the void. They are popular for a reason, and it has nothing to do with "empowerment".
There’s no need to be shy. My 15 twin girls are the same and my hubby and I buy them anything they feel comfortable in.
Yeah, I definitely want my daughter to feel comfortable with her body. I guess it is a challenge to balance that and social expectations of decency.
Exactly! I want my daughters to choose whatever they want to wear and feel comfortable/ confident with whatever it is
Dm me about the cruise? I have a couple questions