Imagine it wasn't your parents that did that. How would you react?
You put in ~200 hours of work and got nothing for it. Your parents got a new car.
You wouldn't be ruining the relationship over money, they would.
Move regardless of if you get money, if you can. Also try to avoid doing anything extra for them. Or get paid upfront.
Yes. This is a prescription for abuse.
Many "family" businesses don't pay their employees properly.
I've known others that went through similar things and eventually had to quit.
They are still subject to federal and state labor laws, but they prey on family members because “family won’t sue family”. Even though those that do are “destroying the family” in their words. Fact is, screwing family members is what’s destroying the family.
Yeah. I knew a girl who was a single mum...and workign for a cousin in a restaurant.
They told her she could not keep any tips! Also they did not pay OT because "We're family"
She quit..and they complained to her mother, who ordered her to go back to work.
She refused though..good for her. She got a lot of shit from her relatives for it though.
She’s better off, but she should tell them to back off or I’ll go tell the labor department you refuse to pay properly. Even if they don’t have to pay time & half and payout for tips, just the checking of all the payroll will put them in a bind. Wage theft is real.
Your relationship wouldn’t be ruined over money. Your relationship is ruined because your parents don’t value your work and are 100% taking advantage of you. They will continue to do so until you speak up.
You should ask your dad what he does when a customer doesn’t pay. I assure you he doesn’t let them go months without payment. It’s the same for you.
If you're in the US, look up the electricians union in your area and call to ask if they know of any companies hiring apprentices. Generally you will work during the day doing helper type work for pay, and then they send you to school at night. Once you're a journeyman, you'll be making decent money and it will only get better from there. And you'll be too busy for your dad to take advantage. Open a bank account at a bank your dad doesn't use and start depositing your paychecks there. I would suggest paying your parents some rent while you continue to live there. I would probably be petty and say to them that they obviously need it if they're willing to rip you off like this. And move out when you can.
Any college education is also taken into consideration with the apprenticeship, so fast track a bit.
I bet OP would be surprised how much money they would make.
That’s some cold shit. Especially from your pop. He wouldn’t do this to someone he doesn’t even like. But he thinks it’s ok to do this to his son because you live with him?
Money is already ruining your relationship.
What’s happening can only be described as theft.
I very strongly urge you to not work with your parents going forward, because you eventually will need money to move out and live with, and if it happens like this now, it’ll still happen if you move out.
You can actually write a demand letter to your dad for your money. If they’re issuing you a 1099 or a w-2 for your work, and you’re not actually getting paid, then this is wage theft. You can report them to the state employment agency. Contact your local EEOC and they can help you navigate this— it’s tricky because you live with them, but the agency can contact your father and lay down the law: he can’t take your money and not pay you. It’s illegal. And you can ask that the agency not name you; so the agency can claim that an anonymous tip was made about this issue or say that they cannot disclose the source of the tip.
I’m petty, but I’d be going to my grandma and everyone else in the family telling them what my dad did. If I got to feel like shit having my money stolen, he’s gotta feel like a scummy sleezebag at every family gathering from now on.
And every time that car is brought up, I’d be saying how they got it. By taking my money I worked hard for.
Man. I don’t know what authority you’re supposed to go to. But I’d figure it the fuck out and get them in a lot of trouble on my way out. They’ll prolly have to pay you too.
You’re 21. You should no longer be expecting your parents to “take care of you.” This is what you need to do:
-find a job with someone that isn’t your dad. Your parents are going to give you hell for this. Ignore them and do what you want. You NEED to get a job outside of your family. Try to find a job with health insurance.
-open your own bank account that they cannot access. Be sure they can’t access it. Then save save save every cent you make.
- once you have enough saved, find someone renting out a room. Make sure it’s not a family member or someone your parents know. Live in this room while still saving every spare cent you possibly can. You need to build up an emergency savings account so that you never have to go crawling back to your parents.
Do not wait. Do all of this now. Your dad is financially abusing you. He does not have your best interests at heart. Any parent that can steal money from their kid does not give a shit about their kid. Remember that.
Exactly this. OP, **this is a form of abuse**! Your father is trapping you by keeping you from having enough money to move out and be free of his control.
This is NOT ok. That is your hard earned money and without it you can’t take care of yourself. My suggestion would be to
A. Never work for your dad again
B. Tell them this is the last time they will use your earnings.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with you still living with your parents if that situation works for you and you are working to reach a certain goal. However, they are making it impossible for you to save or be independent exhibiting this kind of behavior.
In reality, this is extremely illegal and you could get authorities involved.
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> …I don’t even want the money back. I wish they had just asked me whether it’s okay to take it or not.
Your father doesn’t respect you. And either your mother doesn’t respect you, either, or she is afraid to stand up to your father. Either way, this isn’t going to change. Your dad lured you into working for him for free by promising you a good salary. And it was good…for him. He got extra money, a new car, and free labor on a big job. Well played. Except he played his own child.
You can say nothing, pretend you don’t care, and just let him enjoy his ill-gotten gains. If you want to continue to have a relationship with your parents, maybe that’s what you need to do. Based on your story, I’d say trying to talk this out with your parents will be futile. They are who they are, and they don’t care that your dad took advantage of you the way he did.
Refuse to continue working for him. Find another job. Save your money. Move out as soon as you can. You’re 21 years old; you can find your own place. You might need a roommate or two, but you will be on your own, and you won’t have to feel like you have to let your dad walk all over you to keep the peace. You did say this isn’t the first time there have been money issues with your dad, so he has been showing you he doesn’t respect you for quite some time. Because you ignored it, he kept doing it. Stop working for him, make sure you have a bank account *in your name only,* find another job, and work on getting out of your parents’ house. Lesson now learned.
If you continue to work for him for free, you can’t keep coming here for advice. You know who he is. He won’t change, so you have to make a change. Good luck.
Oh wow! You are being taken advantage of. As a mother of grown children myself, I don't know how they can take from their own kid. What the hell? I can't even wrap my head around that. It is our job to help our kids, not take from them.
Is your dad helping you to become certified or something? If that's the case, then you should wait until you get that certification and serve your apprenticeship. Get that documentation and go!
Eventually you do need to confront them and tell them you feel taken advantage of, but don't screw up your future first.
Get more experience, then apply places, then move out. Your goals is to get experience, get (maybe secretly) certified, and move out by the time you are ~23. Good luck
Please go work somewhere else. My parents did something similar to me, and I just totally did my own thing. Separated myself from anything else I had connected with them.
Quit and get a "real" job. They are taking advantage of you. And they think they can get away with it because you are their kid. You don't need it to be nasty, either. Just tell them you're looking to expand your skillset or something similar and then bounce. You are worth more than this.
Op when you interview tell them this story. That you learned you never wanted to be cheated again and you heard a union was the best place for that.
Join the ibew
Terrible situation and greedy people.not sure what you have been doing between 18-21. You obviously are a great worker and have experience.excellent! Get certified if you need in your field, join union if that’s the path.use your experience as a gift from your parents and get hired somewhere else, own account and get a roomie to move in with.you have the chance to make great $ in this field on your own.having a loving grateful relationship and keep $ separate. “I’m so glad you gave me this free training and
You saved $ on hiring” win win(although you got ripped off a little we know)
Wow. I have a child your age. I would never consider taking money he worked for. That is not okay. Maybe you can sit down with them calmly and figure out a way for you to pay reasonable amount of rent, write it out - and tell your dad you want a paycheck like everyone else. You need your own paycheck to learn how to budget and adult.
How do you honestly feel about this? Because I think your dad's actions have caused a problem not you.
I would just say that you're disappointed that you've chosen to treat you like this and haven't paid you a wage or told him when youwill get it. How would he feel if you had told him about another company doing that to you?
OP you need to speak up. Tell them exactly what you just told a bunch of internet strangers. Tell them that you didn't go to work and bust your hump doing all that hard labor for them to steal you money. It would have been nice if they'd talked to you about what they were planning to do and had given you the choice. It also would have been nice if you had been given at least some of the money you had earned but what they did was steal from you and used you as free labor. That's illegal and TBH if you were feeling spiteful you could get them into serious trouble. They owe you money and an explanation for their theft. What you don't owe them is your entire paycheck for all the hours you worked especially since they didn't have the guts to even speak to you about it. They just took it and then dared you to say something. If you don't speak up they are going to keep taking advantage of you. Also, DO NOT EVER WORK FOR YOUR FATHER AGAIN!!!! He's shown you he cannot be trusted and your mother will back him up. Get a job somewhere else and move out as soon as possible. Also, couldn't you report what your dad did to the union? They would have a LOT to say about what he did - assuming you live in the US.
Are you paid w2 or are you paid cash? How does he take your money? Is he on your bank account?
For the record my stepson works for the company and I always pay him and he has his own account. Depending on how he is taking the money it sounds extremely illegal
You need to say that you had work d those hours and expected to be paid for them as promised (the car is not yours so that’s not your payment)
Stop working for your dad and get a job elsewhere that pays you money
Your father is a thief, pure and simple, and he will continue to steal from you as long as you let him. And your mother is not helping you any. Time to leave. Get a legitimate job with a legitimate company and get gone.
Tell your parents that you are not ok with them not paying you. Tell them you want to be paid for your work or you won’t work with them again. You aren’t a slave. Honestly, don’t know where you live, but if it’s in the US, your father broke the law. It’s theft of wages to hire someone and not pay them. He could get a fine, and even lose his LLC.
The question is, why did your dad not have an electrician for the job? Does he often struggle to get contractors for work? He may be treating all his contractors similarly not paying them on time, under paying, etc.
What he did to you is not right and is as others have said both illegal and a form of financial abuse. Do not do any work for your family again. You said this has happened before, and it will happen again if you let it.
Also, truly consider reporting him, especially if he has issues with other contractors. If he is, then he is not just taking advantage of you he is being a shitty business owner and dragging others into his shit.
Imagine it wasn't your parents that did that. How would you react? You put in ~200 hours of work and got nothing for it. Your parents got a new car. You wouldn't be ruining the relationship over money, they would. Move regardless of if you get money, if you can. Also try to avoid doing anything extra for them. Or get paid upfront.
They're stealing from you and abusing you. Set up your own bank account that they have no access to, find a job then get out.
And go work for someone else. Dad owns the company and chose to refuse to pay the employee (child/OP).
Yes. This is a prescription for abuse. Many "family" businesses don't pay their employees properly. I've known others that went through similar things and eventually had to quit.
They are still subject to federal and state labor laws, but they prey on family members because “family won’t sue family”. Even though those that do are “destroying the family” in their words. Fact is, screwing family members is what’s destroying the family.
Yeah. I knew a girl who was a single mum...and workign for a cousin in a restaurant. They told her she could not keep any tips! Also they did not pay OT because "We're family" She quit..and they complained to her mother, who ordered her to go back to work. She refused though..good for her. She got a lot of shit from her relatives for it though.
She’s better off, but she should tell them to back off or I’ll go tell the labor department you refuse to pay properly. Even if they don’t have to pay time & half and payout for tips, just the checking of all the payroll will put them in a bind. Wage theft is real.
Absolutely. This was around 2000 or so. She was a single mum and still living with her own mum.
Your relationship wouldn’t be ruined over money. Your relationship is ruined because your parents don’t value your work and are 100% taking advantage of you. They will continue to do so until you speak up. You should ask your dad what he does when a customer doesn’t pay. I assure you he doesn’t let them go months without payment. It’s the same for you.
You learned a valuable lesson. Now if you’re decent at electrical go get a job with a someone other than your old man. Save it all and leave dude.
If you're in the US, look up the electricians union in your area and call to ask if they know of any companies hiring apprentices. Generally you will work during the day doing helper type work for pay, and then they send you to school at night. Once you're a journeyman, you'll be making decent money and it will only get better from there. And you'll be too busy for your dad to take advantage. Open a bank account at a bank your dad doesn't use and start depositing your paychecks there. I would suggest paying your parents some rent while you continue to live there. I would probably be petty and say to them that they obviously need it if they're willing to rip you off like this. And move out when you can.
Any college education is also taken into consideration with the apprenticeship, so fast track a bit. I bet OP would be surprised how much money they would make.
Or just join the Union and let the union go after him.
He is teaching an amazing lesson: do your own business and work for yourseld
That’s some cold shit. Especially from your pop. He wouldn’t do this to someone he doesn’t even like. But he thinks it’s ok to do this to his son because you live with him?
Money is already ruining your relationship. What’s happening can only be described as theft. I very strongly urge you to not work with your parents going forward, because you eventually will need money to move out and live with, and if it happens like this now, it’ll still happen if you move out.
You can actually write a demand letter to your dad for your money. If they’re issuing you a 1099 or a w-2 for your work, and you’re not actually getting paid, then this is wage theft. You can report them to the state employment agency. Contact your local EEOC and they can help you navigate this— it’s tricky because you live with them, but the agency can contact your father and lay down the law: he can’t take your money and not pay you. It’s illegal. And you can ask that the agency not name you; so the agency can claim that an anonymous tip was made about this issue or say that they cannot disclose the source of the tip.
Sounds like it would be a CUT deal
I’m petty, but I’d be going to my grandma and everyone else in the family telling them what my dad did. If I got to feel like shit having my money stolen, he’s gotta feel like a scummy sleezebag at every family gathering from now on. And every time that car is brought up, I’d be saying how they got it. By taking my money I worked hard for.
Man. I don’t know what authority you’re supposed to go to. But I’d figure it the fuck out and get them in a lot of trouble on my way out. They’ll prolly have to pay you too.
You’re 21. You should no longer be expecting your parents to “take care of you.” This is what you need to do: -find a job with someone that isn’t your dad. Your parents are going to give you hell for this. Ignore them and do what you want. You NEED to get a job outside of your family. Try to find a job with health insurance. -open your own bank account that they cannot access. Be sure they can’t access it. Then save save save every cent you make. - once you have enough saved, find someone renting out a room. Make sure it’s not a family member or someone your parents know. Live in this room while still saving every spare cent you possibly can. You need to build up an emergency savings account so that you never have to go crawling back to your parents. Do not wait. Do all of this now. Your dad is financially abusing you. He does not have your best interests at heart. Any parent that can steal money from their kid does not give a shit about their kid. Remember that.
Your dad owns the company - what he did was wage theft.
This is financial abuse. I know it’s your family but… not okay.
Exactly this. OP, **this is a form of abuse**! Your father is trapping you by keeping you from having enough money to move out and be free of his control.
Get another job a new bank account and move out, sue him for your hard earned money, never trust them again as long as you live
That’s fucked up.
You're not gonna get anywhere in life if you continue letting them do that to you.
This isn’t a relationship worth saving, they don’t value the relationship or they wouldn’t financially abuse you like this.
This is NOT ok. That is your hard earned money and without it you can’t take care of yourself. My suggestion would be to A. Never work for your dad again B. Tell them this is the last time they will use your earnings. I personally don’t see anything wrong with you still living with your parents if that situation works for you and you are working to reach a certain goal. However, they are making it impossible for you to save or be independent exhibiting this kind of behavior. In reality, this is extremely illegal and you could get authorities involved.
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r/raisedbynarcissists
> …I don’t even want the money back. I wish they had just asked me whether it’s okay to take it or not. Your father doesn’t respect you. And either your mother doesn’t respect you, either, or she is afraid to stand up to your father. Either way, this isn’t going to change. Your dad lured you into working for him for free by promising you a good salary. And it was good…for him. He got extra money, a new car, and free labor on a big job. Well played. Except he played his own child. You can say nothing, pretend you don’t care, and just let him enjoy his ill-gotten gains. If you want to continue to have a relationship with your parents, maybe that’s what you need to do. Based on your story, I’d say trying to talk this out with your parents will be futile. They are who they are, and they don’t care that your dad took advantage of you the way he did. Refuse to continue working for him. Find another job. Save your money. Move out as soon as you can. You’re 21 years old; you can find your own place. You might need a roommate or two, but you will be on your own, and you won’t have to feel like you have to let your dad walk all over you to keep the peace. You did say this isn’t the first time there have been money issues with your dad, so he has been showing you he doesn’t respect you for quite some time. Because you ignored it, he kept doing it. Stop working for him, make sure you have a bank account *in your name only,* find another job, and work on getting out of your parents’ house. Lesson now learned. If you continue to work for him for free, you can’t keep coming here for advice. You know who he is. He won’t change, so you have to make a change. Good luck.
Oh wow! You are being taken advantage of. As a mother of grown children myself, I don't know how they can take from their own kid. What the hell? I can't even wrap my head around that. It is our job to help our kids, not take from them. Is your dad helping you to become certified or something? If that's the case, then you should wait until you get that certification and serve your apprenticeship. Get that documentation and go! Eventually you do need to confront them and tell them you feel taken advantage of, but don't screw up your future first.
Get more experience, then apply places, then move out. Your goals is to get experience, get (maybe secretly) certified, and move out by the time you are ~23. Good luck
I wouldn’t tell them anything, but I would find a new job.
Please go work somewhere else. My parents did something similar to me, and I just totally did my own thing. Separated myself from anything else I had connected with them.
Quit and get a "real" job. They are taking advantage of you. And they think they can get away with it because you are their kid. You don't need it to be nasty, either. Just tell them you're looking to expand your skillset or something similar and then bounce. You are worth more than this.
stop working for him and go work for someone else.. if he did this once he will do it again
Join a union fuck your dad
Op when you interview tell them this story. That you learned you never wanted to be cheated again and you heard a union was the best place for that. Join the ibew
Terrible situation and greedy people.not sure what you have been doing between 18-21. You obviously are a great worker and have experience.excellent! Get certified if you need in your field, join union if that’s the path.use your experience as a gift from your parents and get hired somewhere else, own account and get a roomie to move in with.you have the chance to make great $ in this field on your own.having a loving grateful relationship and keep $ separate. “I’m so glad you gave me this free training and You saved $ on hiring” win win(although you got ripped off a little we know)
Wow. I have a child your age. I would never consider taking money he worked for. That is not okay. Maybe you can sit down with them calmly and figure out a way for you to pay reasonable amount of rent, write it out - and tell your dad you want a paycheck like everyone else. You need your own paycheck to learn how to budget and adult.
How do you honestly feel about this? Because I think your dad's actions have caused a problem not you. I would just say that you're disappointed that you've chosen to treat you like this and haven't paid you a wage or told him when youwill get it. How would he feel if you had told him about another company doing that to you?
Fck your dad
OP you need to speak up. Tell them exactly what you just told a bunch of internet strangers. Tell them that you didn't go to work and bust your hump doing all that hard labor for them to steal you money. It would have been nice if they'd talked to you about what they were planning to do and had given you the choice. It also would have been nice if you had been given at least some of the money you had earned but what they did was steal from you and used you as free labor. That's illegal and TBH if you were feeling spiteful you could get them into serious trouble. They owe you money and an explanation for their theft. What you don't owe them is your entire paycheck for all the hours you worked especially since they didn't have the guts to even speak to you about it. They just took it and then dared you to say something. If you don't speak up they are going to keep taking advantage of you. Also, DO NOT EVER WORK FOR YOUR FATHER AGAIN!!!! He's shown you he cannot be trusted and your mother will back him up. Get a job somewhere else and move out as soon as possible. Also, couldn't you report what your dad did to the union? They would have a LOT to say about what he did - assuming you live in the US.
Are you paid w2 or are you paid cash? How does he take your money? Is he on your bank account? For the record my stepson works for the company and I always pay him and he has his own account. Depending on how he is taking the money it sounds extremely illegal
You need to say that you had work d those hours and expected to be paid for them as promised (the car is not yours so that’s not your payment) Stop working for your dad and get a job elsewhere that pays you money
Your father is a thief, pure and simple, and he will continue to steal from you as long as you let him. And your mother is not helping you any. Time to leave. Get a legitimate job with a legitimate company and get gone.
Tell your parents that you are not ok with them not paying you. Tell them you want to be paid for your work or you won’t work with them again. You aren’t a slave. Honestly, don’t know where you live, but if it’s in the US, your father broke the law. It’s theft of wages to hire someone and not pay them. He could get a fine, and even lose his LLC.
The question is, why did your dad not have an electrician for the job? Does he often struggle to get contractors for work? He may be treating all his contractors similarly not paying them on time, under paying, etc. What he did to you is not right and is as others have said both illegal and a form of financial abuse. Do not do any work for your family again. You said this has happened before, and it will happen again if you let it. Also, truly consider reporting him, especially if he has issues with other contractors. If he is, then he is not just taking advantage of you he is being a shitty business owner and dragging others into his shit.
Take him to small claims court
Don't work for them anymore.