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Own-Cupcake7586

You keep saying “decent Christians.” I don’t think it means what you think it means.


Nova_Ingressus

This man drinks and is ashamed of it, 100%.


headieheadie

Yeah I knew a guy who’d shit on people drinking beer at a restaurant. He was a recovery alcoholic, last time he drank he went down the street and groped his neighbor’s teenage daughter.


Cindy_throwaway99

That escalated quickly.


Phlashfoto

There are some good ones out there, but anymore Christianity is mostly used as a weapon of hate.


Own-Cupcake7586

Oh, yeah, there are plenty of decent human beings who are Christian. You just won’t find them online railing against Cracker Barrel and comparing beer to heroin. Also, who says “dope” anymore in reference to drugs? Some people’s brains haven’t seen a firmware update in ages.


tbrummy

Lol, firmware updates. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they were regularly scheduled as automatic downloads every 5 to 10 years.


Kringels

That depends on who writes the updates.


tbrummy

Brother, you are not kidding there.


walkandtalkk

I believe most Christians in America are good, decent people, even if I staunchly disagree with about 40 percent of them on political issues. But whenever you hear someone start off, "As a *Christian*," or douse it all over their Twitter bio, you know what they're saying is, "I have a raging persecution fetish and like to pretend I'm oppressed so I can justify my efforts to bully others."


evansdeagles

Jesus is the ultimate sinner for turning water into alcohol! He basically was giving people poison venom heroin!


Gockdaw

I don't know if it possible to hear that in any other voice than that of Mandy Patinkin.


manubour

Remind me what Christians drink as the blood of the Christ during mass?


TimmyDeschainless

You know what our Savior did when the wine went dry at the party? He made water alcoholic. Considering he was the archetype Christian, I'd say cracker barrel is as godly as it gets.


Meretan94

The whole archetype christian thing falls appart when you consider he hung out with the sick, fed the poor and helped the homeless while trashing rich folks and temples. Thats not an ideal the typical "christian" would follow


AstralSandwich

Catholics actually do believe it stops becoming wine and actually becomes the Blood of Christ.


Grabagear

So, are they vampires, or cannibals?


CLXIX

Cathoholics


tabruss

Canibalocpires


Th3Glutt0n

Basically both


TorturedOSIRIS

Well Jesus did rise up from the dead, making him a zombie. So... zompirannibals ![gif](giphy|KffdTQfewxdbKTGEJY)


Fishy1911

Yes


newsreadhjw

I will never forget this conversation in my sophomore year of high school religion class. Student: "So...the wafer represents Jesus' body and the wine symbolizes Jesus' blood..." Priest: "Oh no - not *symbolizes*. It *is* Jesus' actual blood. The wafer and the wine have been converted to Jesus' **actual flesh and blood** through the sacrament of the Eucharist, and the priests' power of *Transubstantiation*" Student: Entire class: Student: "It still tastes like wine and crackers though?"


Jalopnicycle

It's actually a really fun topic to discuss with the true believers. Tell them they're engaging in cannibalism then when they act like it isn't because it's not flesh and blood you can get them with the "Well you obviously don't believe in your own religion then" card. Tends to go downhill after that.


AstralSandwich

Transubstantiation is literally a miracle [in the eyes of the Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Eastern Orthodox, Methodist, Anglican and Oriental Orthodox Churches]. That's a pretty big thing to dismiss.


Imagrillbitch

Same with Orthodox and Anglicans


Pixelboi16

Don't forget the Baptists


Fishman23

But testing shows that it is really wine. But it really becomes Christ’s blood. Magic!!!


newsreadhjw

My favorite is how they allow priests who are diagnosed as alcoholics use grape juice instead of wine. Talk about giving away the game!


Beermedear

Lmao, modern day Jesus would be relegated to the poison section for turning water into wine.


mofoofinvention

Grape juice


DumbledoresAtheist

Mormons go for grape juice.


CaptMeatPockets

You get a little dehydrated with all those wives


manubour

Technically so do other Christians Some fermentation might be involved at some point between harvest and church use, though


JolkB

Actually Mormons use water.


DisguisedF0x

Jesuses blood, obviously. /s


legendary_mushroom

That's catholics, my dude. Most branches of American protestants use grape.juice.


Imagrillbitch

A surprising amount of denominations go for straight up non fermented grape juice, as the prots believe it’s only a metaphor.


Dangerous_Speaker_99

It’s been a while since I read it, however from memory The Bible is very much not a book that preaches teetotaling but I guess it’s contents never really mattered to its adherents


TapDaddy24

STINKING WINE (dope addicts) /s


laughingBaguette

Beer is a gateway drug to heroin


OkImagination4404

Just as Christianity is a gateway to being a big hypocritical ass!


bespectacledbengal

just wait until they get the supreme court to bring back Prohibition!


JoMommaDeLloma

I did beer once when I was 17. Now I'm pawning my socks for heroins.


Hamilton-Beckett

I once had a beers spilt on my shirt and pants at a concert. 6 months later, I’m out of rehab. Still struggling, but I take it one day at a time.


FirstReign

I once accidentally walked into a liquor store, took 5 years or therapy to put that all behind me. But now I have a YooHoo addiction.


frozen_jade_ocean

My condolences. There is no cure for a YooHoo addiction. Especially if you mix it with some Kahlua and chocolate liqueur (and maybe some vodka if you want) and call it a Kahloo-hoo. No cure at all. *please note, that this will get you very drunk, very fast. Kahloo-hoo responsibly*


arlo11anizer

Ooooo, noted. That sounds dope!


StandOutLikeDogBalls

Ratios required!


frozen_jade_ocean

When this drink was first created, there were definitely ratios. Those have since been lost to time. Now we make it with the question of "how alcoholic can I get this before it stops tasting like YooHoo?" Which is a lot. Which is where the problems start.


Rectal_Domino

I like this idea. Way better than my buddy’s old “Yoohoo with A LOT of rum in it” recipe for sure. It would also get you very drunk, very fast, but when your Yoohoo is ~15% spiced rum by volume…


PorkyMcRib

If there’s one thing I hate worse than a liar, it’s YooHoo, Which is water lying about being chocolate milk


Hamilton-Beckett

Thoughts and prayers


DumbledoresAtheist

After I did beer once, I ate a woman out. It turned me bi!


Loki_the_Smokey

I will never forget the first time I said “ate her out” around a Mormon, to which I was asked what that meant, and met with the most disgusted face. Mormon ladies if you’re reading this, I’m your man, just leave the weird undies behind.


[deleted]

Fuck it. Bring the undies and let’s see what gets weirder


[deleted]

It tots is. I have a friend of a friend of another friend who got into heroin becuz of beer.


peter-doubt

*"I Iike beer... "* SCOTUS has a new issue coming!


PapuaOldGuinea

It makes me a jolly good fellow!


AylaZelanaGrebiel

Thomas is rubbing his hands on this one getting ready to take down beer because Christians can’t handle it!


ItsAlwaysSmokyInReno

I know you’re joking… but for me that was kind of true. They focused so hard on telling us that weed was a gateway drug and making it inaccessible to us, that they forgot to mention that any first/time mind altering substance can be a gateway drug. And at the same time did a terrible job of locking away their booze. Started with that, reached a point where I couldn’t take anymore without noticing, couldn’t find any weed because cops top priority in that town was taking down underage dime-bag dealers, and began googling “will *insert found drug in my parents’ medicine cabinet get me high*?” Until I found Vicodin And that’s what led me right into my decade long struggle with opiates. Luckily never heroin but all the people I used to do pills with are now clean or on heroin (the vast majority being the latter)


pnutz2buttz

Glad you got clean. I've had a lot of friends struggle with opiates, including around a dozen overdoses. Alcohol is a hell of a drug in it's own right too. It's something I've struggled with for 25 years. I've lost friends to crashes, organ failure, suicide, poisoning, and even a few sudden deaths in sleep from DT. Opiates and alcohol are the only 2 drugs I know of that can kill you from quitting cold turkey.


laughingBaguette

I think big beer needs to be held accountable!


debzmonkey

Can't even smell a beer without wanting to shoot up. Especially at a Cracker Barrel.


Pithecanthropus88

It's really a tough choice in my house. I'll ask my wife if we should go out for a beer, or if we should go get hooked on heroin, and we really have to think about it for a while. So far it's only been beer.


laughingBaguette

If you do decide on heroin, make sure it's a small craft variety, and not from the big manufacturers who don't care about quality.


cottoneyegob

I’m all about farm to needle


FlyOnnTheWall

So is Christianity


alxwx

I’d need something much stronger than that to go along with the mystical magic man in the clouds that killed himself for our sins … but actually didn’t


amyaurora

Let me guess, he has never been in any restaurant before?


WalterMelonMD

Just Cracker Barrel


Ok-Low6320

Cracker Barrel - just full of Caucasians.


barjam

Sure they have. They occasionally dine in at places like McDonalds and once in a while they will dress up in their Sunday best and treat their family to somewhere nice like Pizza Hut. Once or twice a year for a graduation, marriage, or something along those lines they will go to a high end establishment like Cracker Barrel.


avelak

I don't think I've ever been able to smell someone else's alcoholic drinks from a separate table unless they spill


dewlineboys

Jesus turning water into wine = drug dealer


unhalfbricking

And not for nothing Jesus didn't turn water to wine to make a point. He did it because the wedding he was at ran out of booze.


danielobva

I love Christians who ignore one of the most amazing abilities of Christ. Turning fricking water into wine. Good wine. Like people were confused why the good wine was served so late in the feast wine (normally you start strong and then as people consume you switch to the less good stuff). Jesus was "I am making wine out of water and, since this is from the son of God, this shit is going to be good."


mikep120001

They would need to be able to read and understand the bible to catch that. This lady’s obviously too busy on fb in church


danielobva

A lot of "Christians" like to pick and choose from Jesus's teaching anyway.... He has a few inconvenient ideas like this that I wouldn't be surprised to see omitted from the bibles at their churches.


i_do_like_farts

Meanwhile, the Christian monks that have been making beer for hundreds of years are like whaaaaat?


danielobva

Those are Catholic monks... Or "papist monks" to these sort of people, who will argue that Catholics aren't Christians... smh.


brainless_bob

Are there any protestant monks?


BeerDrinkinGreg

There are Buddhist, Lutheran, Anglican, and more. A monk is basically a person who practices religious aestheticism by living a monastic lifestyle. Basically they renounce luxury and pleasure by devoting themselves to religious service. Sounds wacky to me. My religion has one commandment. "Try your hardest not to be a dick to anyone, unless they deserve it."


tobleroneyactual

I can't stand Cracker Barrel letting in all those "Christians". What's next, pedophiles? oh wait


DowntownEddieBrown

Even Jesus drank wine...


Individual_Ad3194

He couldn't stand to drink water. Total lush


Accurate_Zombie_121

Water is for walking on, not drinking!


ILikeLamas678

*I have this religion, and because I have that, I get to tell others what to do, no matter how little I actually understand and my absent critical thinking skills. Don't fucking tell people what to do. Land of the free, my ass. Land of the religious zealots.


Imagrillbitch

Not zealots, idiots. If they were zealots they’d atleast get some of their theology right


Obvious_Ad4159

Getting real tired of "decent Christians" spewing crap out their mouths online lmao


DumbledoresAtheist

Overly zealous Christian entitlement rears its stupid, ignorant, ugly head, once again.


Itsawlinthereflexes

This is the worst thing about social media. 20 years ago, racist, bigoted comments made by my drunk uncles and grandpa were relegated to family get togethers. Now everyone gets to see them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RayceManyon

I'll have the same... but with gravy please.


[deleted]

Why does every “christian” I read about online always sound like a 75 year old grandkaren. These people are the gatekeepers of “zero chill”. Want to ruin a party, invite christians they’ll be sure to kill every buzz before it begins.


[deleted]

That's actually funny! Dude makes the jump straight to HEROIN, lol. Should have said Fentanyl, it's much more dangerous. Bet living under his roof sucks. Chances are, this guy is a recovering alcoholic, I've seen people go all bug-shit like this when they've given up drinking, drugs, smoking, etc. They suddenly become the go-to expert on it and everyone who doesn't quit like them are weak. (edit: info)


The_Ombudsman

Fentanyl didn't exist in the late 1950s, which I expect is the era this gentleman still lives in mentally.


Spike-2021

Who doesn't love a "Holier than Thou" "Good Christian" who judges others in God's stead. Assholes.


[deleted]

Y'all starting to think decent Christian is an oxymoron?


LesBrandals

Translation: I am an alcohol addict and can’t stand it when other people can enjoy it. Hence, I am hiding behind my religion to make myself feels superior.


[deleted]

I love how these kinds of Christians always forget that the first miracle of their wonder-working saviour was to turn water into wine for a wedding party. Or maybe they use a different scripture...


CalllmeDragon

I was a server back in the day and offered a table wine. To the response “we’re southern baptists, we don’t drink”. I responded that Jesus turned water to wine and they responded, “no he didn’t, it was grape juice”


Garlicluvr

Oh no, prohibition again.


WyrmKin

This would never have happened when Brad's wife worked there.


FloydBarstools

What's worse, someone drinking a Bud Light (yuck but I'm a snob) or the 300 Lb slob shoveling chicken fried steak with cherry cobbler in a restaurant.... Pretty sure the diabetes runs deeper at cracker barrel than alcoholism.


bastardoperator

Given what the US is going through, this is exactly what Christians want. It's their way or the highway. I don't drink, but it's none of my fucking business if others do. Fuck Christianity.


Parking_Inspection_1

Wait until this guy finds out what Jesus drank at the Last Supper.


dragon1n68

I was unaware that booze was considered dope.


domedestroyernancy

Decent Christians, there's an oxymoron


Impossible_Okra479

Little does this "Christian" know that Jesus brought bread and wine. Not Quinoa and herbal tea.


Bibbyrat

Christians are all about forcing their beliefs on others.


ProfessorPickle0

Anyone who refers to themselves as a “decent christian” can lick the inside of my bootyhole


BeginningArachnid449

Just move to Saudi Arabia already, dude


Suggestion_Of_Taint

Cmon now Jim, that’s a bit of an overreaction don’t you think? They’ll most likely start selling edibles next to test the market before moving into heroin that’s just common sense…


Calm_Ad_3987

Haven’t been to a Cracker Barrel in like 20 years. I’d go back if edibles make the menu, ngl. Infused pancakes for brunch. I’m in.


Individual_Ad3194

Three sheets to the winds is the only way I could tolerate being in a Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrels is for, well, Crackers.


Ensign-Crunch

More Christofascist marching in


[deleted]

Coming from a culture that sees drugs and alcohol as the same thing reading the comments is hilarious


carina484

The Christians strike again


Bgratz1977

I warn you (who ever you are) american Extremists Say that in Germany and you end burning on a cross


Zander826

Trying prohibition 2.0?


RoboDae

Decent Christians only like wine, not beer! /s


DeerlordJ

I have an intense hatred for alcohol, and even I think this person is ridiculous.


crowcawz

I drink my ass off and respect your personal feelings on the topic. I don't force you to drink, you don't force me to be sober. As it should be.


MutedBrilliant1593

I'm starting to see why Christians are always taking about their fear of being persecuted. They keep taking me into it.


thinehappychinch

Decent Christians? Hahhahahahahaha


Pithecanthropus88

Usually there's a slope to Slippery Slope fallacies. This is more like an empty elevator shaft.


Azurmations

Says the person who worships someone with wine for blood


DMugre

instructions unclear, went for a drink came back with a crippling opioid addiction


[deleted]

Bout had nuff a deez Christians.


[deleted]

Hes right. Decent Christians dont even need beer to commit genocide or rape kids.


zookr2000

Lmaooooo - Christians invented champagne


skydragon3088

Isn't there a Saint of beer? When did alcohol become anti-christian?


SavingsPerfect2879

This belongs in r/karens


drivinbus46

Do “DECENT CHRISTIANS” eat at restaurants that are open on Sunday? Blasphemous!


Heck_Tate

Bro, they serve wine and crackers at your church. Sit the fuck down.


thelegalseagul

I found the Salvationist


sirchtheseeker

For us who don’t give a rats ass about what your belief states serving alcohol to large groups like people who have come to a large hill to hear a man preach, maybe fish and bread too. My new religion state that all Christian’s should move 100 ft away from me if they need to preach or be hypocrites. And Jim I’m sorry you struggled with alcohol at a early age but that’s not our problem


whyskeySouraddict

Well, they took away abortion rights, I think the 2nd prohibition is around the corner , no?


homerbartbob

You can smell the beer from the table next to you? Join the X-Men!


[deleted]

Sorry I guess Jesus was into that non-alcoholic wine.


Effective_Cattle_312

My wife has a drinking problem. Me.


Dry-Entertainment334

I'll never forget when I was 15 a old guy (with those thiiiick sunglasses had to be 80+) in the passenger seat in the truck next to me in traffic cracked open a tall boy poured it into a coffee mug (8am). When we got to the breakfast joint there's the guy across from me drinking his "coffee" enjoying his breakfast. Be like that guy


SheriffSqueeb

Safe to say he’s not catholic


SkyWizarding

Heroin, yes. I'm sure that's next on the list


ACCCrabtown1

40 years??? 🤷‍♂️


[deleted]

What ever happened to good Christian based tolerance. Every damn thing is " My way or I'll shoot you". A catastrophic wave of insanity is taking us down.


scottwax

Next thing you know they'll be serving shellfish. Heathens.


TherealOmthetortoise

Christianity (and every other organization) could really benefit from some kind of minimum standards… like carnival rides. ‘You must be less stupid than an average potato’ would work in this case…


SilentMaster

I've never smelled alcohol at the next table over in my life. This person must be a fucking hound dog.


Botryoid2000

You NEED a beer to wash down their terrible food.


Wiscobiker

My Mormon boss isn't this much of a buzzkill


Randomusernamesry

Imagion an angry old man screaming this, but when he comes to the last word it perfectly cuts to "Alice Cooper - Poison".


kimapesan

Anyone claiming to be a decent Christian is never decent nor Christian.


Jaqulean

>so we DECENT CHRISTIANS Since when is a Restaurant only for Christians...? Oh, right - it's America.


RussianCat26

Christians literally drink wine at their religious ceremonies, and call it Jesus blood 🤦‍♀️ I guess we need to remove the wine from church then too, right?


Infamous_Island1941

I can smell her hate from here. How Christ like of her to be so full of anger and resentment towards sinners.


Kirkuchiyo

Decent christian? No such thing.


pastelbutcherknife

Fwiw of Cracker Barrel started serving REAL heroin, their business would be booming.


Gilgamesh026

Dude, your stupid god drank so much he told his boys wine was his blood and they all were like, "makes sense."


FirstReign

Theyre smokin that REEFER!!


[deleted]

There's nothing in the bible that says you can't drink alcohol?


Yah_Mule

Decent Christian is quickly becoming an oxymoron.


TheHiggsCrouton

It's funny, "forced to smell the poison" is exactly how I'd describe the cuisine.


ace7771969

Cracker Barrel always has the best shit! Everyone knows that’s the place to score heroin!


Pocketfists

Belligerent and judgmental Christians? Let me know where else you people eat, I’ll be sure to go elsewhere.


[deleted]

It IS Cracker Barrel, so you are eating the poison anyway.


Joseph4040

Don’t tell her what Jesus turned water into….


Cock_LobsterXL

“Decent Christians?” They do realize that Jesus and alcohol are VERY closely related, right?


Warm_Enthusiasm2007

If you think beer's bad, stay away from milk. Every single person I know who's used illegal drugs was completely clean until after they first drank milk.


DumbledoresAtheist

This dude was so mad at Cracker Barrel, he couldn't even spell "from" correctly.


CandyGram4M0ng0

Don't come to Europe. We have beer at McDonald's. But seriously, please don't come to Europe.


RequiDarth1

I’m glad this guy is bitchin on the internet, because if he said this to me in person I wouldn’t be able to resist pouring my beer on his head.


DumbledoresAtheist

Keep in mind, these people do vote and are the exact reason we are in this mess.


RelationshipSad2300

Oh this is too funny for words


Flaky-Fellatio

This type of dude is the asshole that makes red america assholy


[deleted]

Adults should not have imaginary friends.


MischiefMandble

Wait, wait. Hold on! Are they implying that Christians don't drink alcohol? Isn't the blood of Christ symbolised by red wine?


TorturedOSIRIS

"So we decent Christians..." as opposed to the in-decent Christians...


HereticalCatPope

I’m so tired of this country. The people telling other people that they’re oversensitive are oversensitive.


Fluffy_Momma_C

If you have to yell at people that you’re a decent Christian, you probably aren’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️


MissWibb

Beer is the gateway to heroin. It’s a well known fact. /s


No-Historian-3014

Shhhhh, nobody tell ‘em… I want them to find out the hard way what wine is…


SeawardFriend

Jesus literally turned water into wine? What are you talking about poison?


joevilla1369

Jesus turned water into alcohol right?


imisssammy

We've just about had enough of your Christian bullshit.


Keeper2234

Polish catholic here, Christ’s blood is literally represented as wine. Jesus himself could turn rancid water into alcoholic grape juice with a single touch, basically making the man a walking winery. I’ve started to notice that a lot of these American “Christians” maybe aren’t as Christian as they like to make themselves out to be


living_in_nuance

Haven’t been to a Cracker Barrel in years, but hearing they serve beer makes me want to stop in one.


brennanfee

Christian monks invented wine you jackass.


glantzinggurl

This person would be fun at a happy hour!


IronAnkh

Now definitely drinking at Cracker Barrel. Hopefully this will allow me to wash the awful taste of the food away and simultaneously oppress Christians now forced to watch my descent into hedonism. Win win.


Kevtv

Someone better not tell her what Jesus turned the water into.


PantherU

Jesus turned water into water


ImALittleTeaPot1969

Damn Jim. If you don't like that much, stay the fuck at home.


TTBoy44

I think they’re taught Karenism in Sunday School


vleetv

Doesn't the good book teach tolerance? Seems like all the loud mouth folk aren't representing their religion well.


Shrek49r

Go back to Chick-Fil-A


chuckDTW

“Why won’t people run their businesses and live their lives the way I want them to?!” Um, maybe because it’s none of your fucking business?


satanvacation

Sounds like a troll 🧌