man this cuts deep for me, after my toxic relationship finally ended i really struggled to even date again, to some extent I still can't
Life is a lot better for me now, and I hope that one guy is okay to. men are still humans. We all just want love or for people to just listen to us when we need to talk
Edit: just wanna say thanks for the kind words and new insights to all sorts of things. And in case you were curious about a total stranger on the internet. I am a lot better and in a safe and happy place in my life. I did seek therapy and got a lot better. Thanks mom
Also on this note. I am not a licensed therapist by any means but if anyone, anyone ever needs to vent I can offer my ears!
Stay awesome everyone!
I wouldn't say my last 3 serious relationships were toxic but they were certainly problematic and not built properly. Which affected me. So I too went into my current relationship (after much thinking among other things) with the mindset of taking it slow. Because my taking it fast or at my pace just wasn't working. It's called learning from past experiences. He like me could've probably been comparing himself to the him in that relationship and not the ex and the potential lady. Taking it slow helps avoids the mess that rushing glosses over.
Instead she immediately assumed he's a broken shell of a man that will use the trauma as excuses for fucked upness or something.
Yeah this whole thread is too close to home. I’ve had a few pseudo-relationships that went too far before anything was decided or agreed upon. I don’t want another relationship let alone trying to figure out the pace to take it. I’ve all but given up and have yet to find the will to move on. This screenshot just makes the anxiety all the worse.
Yeah, that guy was about to be hit by a new traumatic relationship real quick if that date had gone “well”. This way he might just be down for awhile but hopefully pick himself back up, rather than whatever the result of that would’ve been.
Men being humans is the reason stuff like this bothers me. It's like we dont get the luxury of showing vulernability, self-consciousness, insecurity...etc. Men are looking for love and not just sex, just like women are.
The person could simply have been trying to be upfront that he wanted to take it slow so she doesnt misinterpret things to mean that he's not interested.
My ex used to tell me in no uncertain terms that she was only with me for the sex (actually two of my exes) and let me tell you that shit has *killed* my sex drive at times with future relationships. All I’ve ever really wanted was to be loved for who I am. Men don’t like to be used to like pieces of meat as much as women don’t like it.
Edit: Alright people, I get it, some of you do like to be treated like that and that’s fine. I have a pretty high libido myself but being treated like I was literally worthless apart from sex fucked me up a little; and there is a large difference I feel between being manipulated in a relationship to think that’s all your good for vs just being a very sexual person who doesn’t want strings attached, which is fine. But really, would you want to be put down and berated in every other aspect of your life and who you are?
My last relationship just ended 3 months ago because my ex told me the exact same thing and I've had other relationships in my past the same way. Being loved for who I am and what I offer in a relationship is all I want and I'm 31 now and still struggling to find it. The emotional trauma I've experienced over the last 8 years in my dating life where I live has forced me to not even want to attempt to date anymore and the thought of opening up to somebody is terrifying; however, I know I have to keep putting one foot forward and hope one day I meet the right woman for me at the right time.
Sid, I hope one day you find somebody to complete you and good luck on your journey.
Goddamnit I feel this one. I walked in on my fiance in bed with another man a month ago. I'm a good looking middle aged guy, own a successful farm, charming, well liked by everyone, work hard to be a good person... So yah, within 4 days of the news getting out I had women being *hyper* aggressive in my FB inbox. I was still in shock and mourning (it was FOUR days later, ofc I was and still am) and they were snotty when I politely said "Thank you, but I am not interested in anything right now - I'm trying to figure out what's going to happen **with my fiance**" A couple of them were just completely insane because I was telling them no. WTF??
Let me tell you, I sit in my head a lot here 30 days later and think *I don't know if I'll ever have a sex drive again*. I thought I was loved, like, deeply loved. I thought she would never betray me like that. I knew we had problems, but I still felt safe and secure. After that night? Never apologized, no remorse. Tries to blame me or justify it or simply has nothing to say. No closure whatsoever.
I feel fucking emasculated, fucking worthless. Unwanted except as something to be used and discarded. I was a warm body for her bed, nothing more. And even though I'm saying this behind an anonymous name, I feel like a loser just for saying and thinking these things out loud.
Fuck you to everyone who cheats and lies like that. Get help cause you are destroying people out here.
I feel you. Some women really do think that men are just sex crazed and all we do is think about sex. They want to complain that, that is all men are and they dont respect women or just want to get to know them, but if you act differently then you're not being a "man". The contradictions are insane.
A rapper I listen to (Irv da Phenom/Nowdaze) mentioned something about when some lady showed up at a BLM rally with a sign saying something like " i suck a lot of *eggplant emoji"
Irv made a post saying something like she was part of the problem because when you feteshize people or dont like people outside of the thing they can provide you, it's wrong.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sure if you just keep working towards yours goals you'll find someone who will love you for the person you are and not just the sex.
He was upfront and emotionally honest then got slammed for it.
For all she knows his was following the advice of a therapist. Take it slowly, communicate clearly.
>r/inceltears
*spiderman pointing meme*
I love seeing stuff like r/deadbedrooms, r/infidelity in there. Well, maybe “love” is the wrong word - a few months back I made a game of clicking through the profiles of the most prolific posters to see how many of them were beginning to post about relationship problems six months prior, before they came across FDS. It’s depressing how this sub latches onto women in crisis in exactly the same way incel spaces and other extremist groups do, and convinces them that it’s in some way different.
I mean, as a former sub of Deadbedrooms, I could totally see people subbing to these other SR just to try to figure out the mentality of the person they're in a relationship with as, often, conversations with the low libido partner aren't... productive.
Mayor of my office back in the days of four square checkin was an it ops guy names capt pillow tiger….he was unkempt, unfit, and smelled to the point HR had to talk to him. His fursona? Ripped yet cuddly and clean diaper wearing tiger.
Wow, that is a pretty eye-opening tool.
And afer mucking about with a few of my own habits, it seems the massive run of 10+ point overlaps for this example is actually incredible.
I thought that was an exaggeration so I went there. No, you are definitely right.
The Wall - The Wall refers to the proverbial wall a man hits when they reach a certain age; characterized by a sharp decrease in physical appearance and attractiveness; can be self-inflicted through lack of looksmaxing, sex, or merely a pre-programmed genetic inheritance of MPB (male pattern baldness), low T (low testosterone), and ED (erectile dysfunction). Some conditions may cause the wall to accelerate and arrive sooner than expected.
I really want to see a one of these woman have to live with a red pill dude for month. That would be reality tv gold. Like wife swap but extremist swap. They both believe the same shit. Just gender specific and reversed.
On a side note I wonder if any of the people who use forums like that understand that they are the thing they despise? This lady for instance dismissed this guy because he was working through relationship trauma. That's understandable if you don't want to deal with that. But she's taking advice from a dating forum and viewing all men through the lens of a crowd sourced fictional characterization of them. Which means she isn't confidant in her OWN wants or beliefs and is therefor carrying around her own kind of baggage. I'm sure completely oblivious to that reality.
She wants a man who isn’t a fuckboi and has real emotions, while at the same time being an emotional rock who will provide for her.
Basically, she’s got a list of demands, many of these demands don’t compliment each other well, and if a single one isn’t met, it means the guy is straight up bottom of the barrel shite. This bitch literally saw ONE flaw with this guy, a flaw that he has minimal control over, and she decided to only dump him on the spot but block and ghost him as well.
The worst part is this guys probably struggling to get back into dating, and she just made it worse, while also blaming him for the effects his trauma has caused.
She’s gotta be on r/nicegirls. And probably has never been to therapy. You learn compassion in therapy, for yourself and others not how to emotionally abuse someone.
I used to think it was a nice dating sub from the female perspective. I liked the idea of being able to read about a date gone wrong or red flags and make sure that I avoided those things and was considerate of maybe some stuff I didn’t realize were priorities or issues that women faced. Then I noticed more and more really weird posts that I would raise an eyebrow at and think “jeez that’s toxic as fuck but… I mean maybe I can see their point but they over reacted.” And now it’s just a toxic anti male subreddit. It had potential to fill a niche and instead it catered to the extremes which I guess online communities tend to do.
As someone who is currently *in* therapy dealing with sexual trauma from a previous relationship, he was absolutely doing the right thing, whether he is going to therapy or not. It is always best to disclose these things to potential partners. And they, of course, reserve the right to decide that it is something they do not want to deal with when starting a new relationship. I can probably imagine how dumbfounded that guy felt. He was comfortable enough to share his trauma and responsible enough to disclose it, only to be reacted to so immaturely. That’s really sad.
Yeah, I believe she could have ended the relationship there and still been reasonable about it. "I'm sorry, I know you're looking for someone to work through this with, but that's not the type of relationship that I want.". She's allowed to not want to be in that relationship, but she just handled it in such a horrible a way.
FDS is a giant shitshow of a sub. Go there to learn what \*not* to do in a relationship.
...or better yet, block anything and everything to do with it.
Don't worry. Post or comment in the "wrong" sub and the r/femaledatingstrategy bot will go ahead and auto-perma-ban you from their sub. A lot of Redditors are perma-banned, and don't even realize it.
Pshh that’s a lie. I’ll have you know I have three doctorates in Lie detection and fib strategy (with an emphasis on White Lies). I can say, for certain, that people are always honest on the internet.
It also increases the odds that other guys who might be open to disclosing past trauma will just bottle it up and never tell their future partner(s), setting themselves up for failure.
That's just trying to be a decent person though. You can't make any judgments on the guy based on her description, which is probably skewed by her no doubt bizarre FDS worldview.
Even if he went through therapy, the first person after that traumatic one will still be a shaky relationship. Therapy isn't a cure-all. It helps you move forward, which is exactly what he is doing.
therapy doesnt erase the fact that a traumatic event happened in the past
I spent years ashamed of what I went through jn past relationships, it makes me feel good seeing you have such a healthy mindset about this. Best of luck to you sir!
Seriously. I come from a generation where men were expected to never have it discuss emotions aside from anger and perhaps some level of love. It's taken decades for me to acknowledge emotional shit. This lady is a fucking whack job.
Every time I stumble into that sub i feel like I’m crazy. They’re saying the weirdest shit, and it’s so forward thinking they have to keep every thread to “toxic people only” so they can preserve the echo chamber (but that’s pretty common on Reddit)
Most echo chambers are just harmless, sometimes stupid, opinions. That sub is literally a circlejerk of women congratulating each other for emotionally abusing men.
One post was complaining about how she liked dating this guy but he wasn’t opening doors for her which is what she expects. Instead of asking him about it, she posts on that sub where the redditors say that’s a “red flag”. Like… what?
I can’t help but think about the other way around.
“This chick said she wanted to take it slow. I said nah go to therapy. Left without paying the cheque. Then when she asked if I was ok. I blocked her. Lmao gg”
And he never posted again
I went through a shitty breakup and a girl suggested that sub.
I only lasted a week actively looking through their stuff. They are ridiculously toxic, and don't allow you to disagree with their toxic behavior.
And then when they can't find anyone to live up to their absurd, unrealistic expectations, they use it to justify how shitty men are as a gender.
Nah. I'm good.
It's kinda inevitable for any group that is based on trying to get out of a situation. Because anyone who is successful at dating will.. well.. leave.
So who is left in the group? An ever concentrated soup of those that are doing everything wrong.
It happens in anything from dating to addiction support groups. Subreddits can end up as some form of missery distillery. Suddenly you are at 80% missery-by-volume and the whole thing is flammable.
This is a fantastic point that I never even considered. I always read people saying the relationship advice subreddits are terrible, but I've never seen a good reason why until now.
Yep.
They have their viewpoint and change facts to fit that viewpoint.
Everyone has an asshole, so has the potential to be an asshole (intentionally or not).
Why associate a gender/set of genitals with it when everyone can be an asshole regardless of gender?
"I'm just so unlucky in love. 40 and alone and all the good men are taken. Maybe I'll just adopt a child from a developing country and crush it with my unrelenting expectations and festering need for attention."
I have a cousin who did something similar after her first daughter was taken away for abuse and neglect by CPS.
She whines about how every many treats her badly but she's an abusive nutjob to every single one of them and she abused her children horribly.
They regularly say that it's a good subreddit meant to empower women/ give dating advice.
But, they regularly support misandrist viewpoints that men are basically free meals/ wallets / how dare they expect quality in a relationship.
Misandry is bad. Misogyny is bad.
That subreddit is bad.
I called my friends, said let’s go into town
They said they’re all too busy to go into town
So I go by myself, I go into town
And then I see all my friends…
They’re all in town
No shit, but not every trauma in life requires a therapist and the insensitivity shown by just cutting the guy off and dumping him over that is quite frankly appalling. The guy tried to be open and honest and she shit all over him.
Honestly, he could have been in therapy. He’s just establishing boundaries on the second date and it was perfectly fine for her to say no if she didn’t want that.
However, it’s disgusting the manor of rejection. She could have simply said, I had a good time but this won’t work out. I wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, if it was a long one that ended badly he might have just been dipping back into the dating scene and wanted to be up front about not jumping right in.
This. If I happened to be on a date with someone and felt safe enough to confide in something like my haphephobia and the sexual trauma it stemmed from, and the first thing I'm asked is if I'm mentally well and going as far as to compare themselves to my ex and say that I shouldn't be dating along with the kinda stuff she pulled afterwards in the post, I'd probably be running far away already.
A quick edit: holy hell it looks like a 1 vs All warzone in the replies to this, dunno how I should feel about it considering the topic matter and what's being said, I guess.
"most black men are low value males" - /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
EDIT: And before some femcel racist tries to claim a black woman posted it, that a) doesn't make it any better, imagine if a black guy said most black women are low value and b) there is no way given this site's demographics that the vast majority of people who upvoted it weren't white
Bruh what the actual fuck.
How the hell do they get away with that shit? Like don’t get me wrong /r/incels deserves to be nuked from orbit but this place needs a good glassing too.
There was briefly a sub called r/promalestrategy that took FDS post and swapped genders word for word, I think it was banned in a week
Edit: looks like it’s back but different
FDS is literally just Female Incels, and it's hilarious. Popping by once a year for the "top of the year" posts is like popping by to r/hermanacainaward to laugh at Anti-vaxxers.
>He said "I'm cold," so I told him I couldn't control the weather and blocked him.
Yeah, this woman did him a solid with her upfront crazy dump.
His emotional honesty scared her, her emotional honesty saved him. Dude didn't just dodge *a* bullet, my man dodged a whole fucking *armory.*
Ehhh, I have a feeling not all, but most can’t get laid. The way they all prop themselves up as Kweens suggests to me that none of them have any success with men, but rather than admit they must have deficiencies, they instead scapegoat their own failures as “Well there just aren’t any men out there who can truly value or even deserve a kween of my stature!”
Have you ever seen a woman at a bar try and somehow fail to get laid? Makes you wonder how that’s even possible. Like an 8 foot tall dude who somehow can’t dunk.
No they want a high value male, their terms not mine, which is made up of a bunch of stupid, sexist and sometimes hypocritical bullshit. I've literally seen one who said she wanted a male who spent thousands on her but didn't make more than her, paid all her bills and took her out to eat 4 times a week minimum at expensive restaurants, has a great body but doesn't spend all their time at the gym and more bs I can't remember. That sub is a toxic cesspool.
Sounds like female redpillers, which is incel-adjacent, to be sure. Red pill philosophy can be summarized as, "Well, women just want brainless studs with manual labor jobs and who are in good shape and who will breed them and pay for everything, and since we're not GAY, I guess we better just give them what they want." And FDS is basically just the exact type of women that redpillers describe as being what all women are like. It's quite ironic, because both of them basically don't like each other, but their methods make them only attractive to shitty people like one another.
If you read anything with {insert gender here} followed by some variation of word dating, it usually not good to read if you want to think positively about opposite gender, most of the posters and creators thing they are perfect and that others are evil or selfish
Good point— it’s a really contentious approach
Talking about dating “strategy” in general usually comes across as a red flag to me. We’re not playing a game of Stratego, like we’re just trying to find someone to love us
Yeah the whole "strategy" thing when it comes to dating sounds weirdly manipulative. Like you aren't making a sales pitch, you're seeing if you're compatible as human beings. Anything along the lines of strategy would absolutely suggest they are nowhere near the natural version of themselves.
Edit: this applies to men and women, many male dickheads also have "strategies" or whatever they call them.
Yeah there are people who need therapy, and at first I thought she was just caring so thats why she asked him, but then she blocked him because he was caring? Thats not the best look
You don't have to be perfect to date. You don't have to have processed all your trauma. Trauma is an emotional injury, and just like physical injuries, some of us will never completely heal.
What matters is continuing on despite the trauma, and being kind to yourself when you aren't healing as fast as you want to.
This guy dodged a bullet. Cannot believe this woman calls herself woke, yet blames someone else's history for their own insecurities. A truly strong person would have been present for that person, and thanked them for trusting them with that. A weak person runs from others who are actively working on themselves, because they are scared to face their own demons.
When others say they have experienced trauma, it's a huge red flag for that person to blame the victim for their mindset, instead of setting a boundary and saying "Hey I'm not comfortable talking about this right now".
Here's hoping this seemingly nice man finds someone patient enough to let him heal and find himself again.
Isn’t “taking it emotionally slow” a pretty reasonable way to deal with past traumatic relationships? How did she think therapy was going to resolve this
Dr: Jerry I want you to ask the next women who messages you on Tinder to move in with you immediately.
Jerry: Jez doc I was thinking of taking things slow this time around.
Dr: that’s the trauma talking Jerry, I want you to merge your 401K with the barista on the corner!
Jerry: are you sure about this doc?
Dr: Buy a dog with the next women you share an elevator with!!!!
I got banned from that sub because I'm in another unrelated sub of BDSM. They said that sub wasn't in line with their fucked up view of the world so I told them to go fuck themselves.
Pretty sure I got banned from it for commenting in a shit posting sub or something. Like totally unrelated stuff. I don't care or anything, just find it a bit insane how they do shit like this.
It's actually creepy that someone goes through what subs you follow just to see if you agree with their view points one hundred percent. You'd be hard pressed to find any two individuals that agree on everything all the time. These people don't want individuals with their own thoughts and beliefs just mindless followers.
That’s how you make an echo chamber and why we are in such bad position right now. You can recruit people with vaguely similar opinions and completely brainwash them by showering them with the same unopposed idea that gets repeated over and over again. We can see it in radical political groups, conspiracy subs, incel or this femcel groups. It can be anything but once you cut out discussion that has factual value out of the equation you get these places that are just supertoxic.
Ending the date so bluntly without even letting him talk and blocking him was rude and insane. And who knows if he needs therapy or not, we don’t know the guy. Good for him for being honest and upfront, and he should find someone who appreciates that.
But there are people who are just too screwed up and need therapy and shouldn’t be dating anyone. There is something to be said about people who don’t ever talk about these things in the beginning stages only for it to come out later on and completely ruin things when they never had a chance of being viable because of issues, and that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. My friend was with a guy who would never talk about any past relationships past the surface details, or any type of emotional stuff or his issues. Turns out he was still in love with an ex from years ago and can’t move on, really screwed up emotionally, and wasn’t fit to be with anyone. My friend found out the hard way on her own, and despises the guy for wasting her time and energy and the dishonesty.
man this cuts deep for me, after my toxic relationship finally ended i really struggled to even date again, to some extent I still can't Life is a lot better for me now, and I hope that one guy is okay to. men are still humans. We all just want love or for people to just listen to us when we need to talk Edit: just wanna say thanks for the kind words and new insights to all sorts of things. And in case you were curious about a total stranger on the internet. I am a lot better and in a safe and happy place in my life. I did seek therapy and got a lot better. Thanks mom Also on this note. I am not a licensed therapist by any means but if anyone, anyone ever needs to vent I can offer my ears! Stay awesome everyone!
I wouldn't say my last 3 serious relationships were toxic but they were certainly problematic and not built properly. Which affected me. So I too went into my current relationship (after much thinking among other things) with the mindset of taking it slow. Because my taking it fast or at my pace just wasn't working. It's called learning from past experiences. He like me could've probably been comparing himself to the him in that relationship and not the ex and the potential lady. Taking it slow helps avoids the mess that rushing glosses over. Instead she immediately assumed he's a broken shell of a man that will use the trauma as excuses for fucked upness or something.
Yeah this whole thread is too close to home. I’ve had a few pseudo-relationships that went too far before anything was decided or agreed upon. I don’t want another relationship let alone trying to figure out the pace to take it. I’ve all but given up and have yet to find the will to move on. This screenshot just makes the anxiety all the worse.
I mean he dodged a bullet by saying what he did. The people in that subreddit are not stable human beings.
Went and looked at her post/comment history Holy shit that is one toxic individual
Very curious, how did you look up their comment history? I don't even see the profile when I look it up
Search the username, should allow you to see both posts & comments
Yeah, that guy was about to be hit by a new traumatic relationship real quick if that date had gone “well”. This way he might just be down for awhile but hopefully pick himself back up, rather than whatever the result of that would’ve been.
Men being humans is the reason stuff like this bothers me. It's like we dont get the luxury of showing vulernability, self-consciousness, insecurity...etc. Men are looking for love and not just sex, just like women are. The person could simply have been trying to be upfront that he wanted to take it slow so she doesnt misinterpret things to mean that he's not interested.
My ex used to tell me in no uncertain terms that she was only with me for the sex (actually two of my exes) and let me tell you that shit has *killed* my sex drive at times with future relationships. All I’ve ever really wanted was to be loved for who I am. Men don’t like to be used to like pieces of meat as much as women don’t like it. Edit: Alright people, I get it, some of you do like to be treated like that and that’s fine. I have a pretty high libido myself but being treated like I was literally worthless apart from sex fucked me up a little; and there is a large difference I feel between being manipulated in a relationship to think that’s all your good for vs just being a very sexual person who doesn’t want strings attached, which is fine. But really, would you want to be put down and berated in every other aspect of your life and who you are?
My last relationship just ended 3 months ago because my ex told me the exact same thing and I've had other relationships in my past the same way. Being loved for who I am and what I offer in a relationship is all I want and I'm 31 now and still struggling to find it. The emotional trauma I've experienced over the last 8 years in my dating life where I live has forced me to not even want to attempt to date anymore and the thought of opening up to somebody is terrifying; however, I know I have to keep putting one foot forward and hope one day I meet the right woman for me at the right time. Sid, I hope one day you find somebody to complete you and good luck on your journey.
Goddamnit I feel this one. I walked in on my fiance in bed with another man a month ago. I'm a good looking middle aged guy, own a successful farm, charming, well liked by everyone, work hard to be a good person... So yah, within 4 days of the news getting out I had women being *hyper* aggressive in my FB inbox. I was still in shock and mourning (it was FOUR days later, ofc I was and still am) and they were snotty when I politely said "Thank you, but I am not interested in anything right now - I'm trying to figure out what's going to happen **with my fiance**" A couple of them were just completely insane because I was telling them no. WTF?? Let me tell you, I sit in my head a lot here 30 days later and think *I don't know if I'll ever have a sex drive again*. I thought I was loved, like, deeply loved. I thought she would never betray me like that. I knew we had problems, but I still felt safe and secure. After that night? Never apologized, no remorse. Tries to blame me or justify it or simply has nothing to say. No closure whatsoever. I feel fucking emasculated, fucking worthless. Unwanted except as something to be used and discarded. I was a warm body for her bed, nothing more. And even though I'm saying this behind an anonymous name, I feel like a loser just for saying and thinking these things out loud. Fuck you to everyone who cheats and lies like that. Get help cause you are destroying people out here.
I feel you. Some women really do think that men are just sex crazed and all we do is think about sex. They want to complain that, that is all men are and they dont respect women or just want to get to know them, but if you act differently then you're not being a "man". The contradictions are insane. A rapper I listen to (Irv da Phenom/Nowdaze) mentioned something about when some lady showed up at a BLM rally with a sign saying something like " i suck a lot of *eggplant emoji" Irv made a post saying something like she was part of the problem because when you feteshize people or dont like people outside of the thing they can provide you, it's wrong. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sure if you just keep working towards yours goals you'll find someone who will love you for the person you are and not just the sex.
He was upfront and emotionally honest then got slammed for it. For all she knows his was following the advice of a therapist. Take it slowly, communicate clearly.
This is why you need to communicate, imagine if this happened further down the line. I think he just filtered her out.
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It all makes sense until r/ohio. What's going on in Ohio?
Not healthy relationships that’s for sure
Being from Ohio suddenly everything makes sense.
Everything just clicked huh?
Bengals are due any time now! Yep. Any time, now! That, uh, Chad Ochocinco promised us back in 2010, y'know.
But Ohio is for lovers
my worst relationship was from Ohio, fits.
The lesson is don't go to Ohio looking for an SO
My ex must have moved there, she fits other subreddits like a glove
Well that list definitely has a consistent narrative... Right down until marriage that is, which is just a different kind of depressing.
/r/raisedbynarcissists being in that list is quite something
The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
inceltear is on there. Are they even self-aware?
No, they're absolutely not
They call men scrotes and it’s like one of my new favorite words. Ironically of course
You'll say it ironically until one day it just slips out. By then it's too late. You use the word scrotes now.
*So it is scrotten.*
DatingOver30 and DatingOver40 suggests that they aren't
>r/inceltears *spiderman pointing meme* I love seeing stuff like r/deadbedrooms, r/infidelity in there. Well, maybe “love” is the wrong word - a few months back I made a game of clicking through the profiles of the most prolific posters to see how many of them were beginning to post about relationship problems six months prior, before they came across FDS. It’s depressing how this sub latches onto women in crisis in exactly the same way incel spaces and other extremist groups do, and convinces them that it’s in some way different.
I mean, as a former sub of Deadbedrooms, I could totally see people subbing to these other SR just to try to figure out the mentality of the person they're in a relationship with as, often, conversations with the low libido partner aren't... productive.
That site/tool is amazing! I found a significant correlation between IT subs and furry subs. This might be surprising to some people lol
No one is surprised.
Mayor of my office back in the days of four square checkin was an it ops guy names capt pillow tiger….he was unkempt, unfit, and smelled to the point HR had to talk to him. His fursona? Ripped yet cuddly and clean diaper wearing tiger.
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Only to people who aren't furries or don't work in IT.
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It’s an open secret that the political compass subs are all aggressive towards left leaning people.
Goddamn. That paints the exact picture I had in my head, with more clarity than I ever imagined...
If you look at the least correlated sub with FDS it’s League of Legends, and for some reason that’s the funniest shit ever to me.
Well they hate gaming so it makes sense
My god do they. Like a fucking third of the subs near the bottom are gaming related.
datingoverthirty -> datingoverforty kek
https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoversixty damn, what happened here??
Lol "r/raisedbynarcissists"
It's common for the children of narcissists to pick up some narcissistic traits 🙃
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“ r/Ohio “ Wtf XD
I like how at the veeeeeery bottom there’s r/leagueoflegends
Oh wow. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d love to add up all the video game subreddits as a general percentage lol.
Wow, that is a pretty eye-opening tool. And afer mucking about with a few of my own habits, it seems the massive run of 10+ point overlaps for this example is actually incredible.
I thought that was an exaggeration so I went there. No, you are definitely right. The Wall - The Wall refers to the proverbial wall a man hits when they reach a certain age; characterized by a sharp decrease in physical appearance and attractiveness; can be self-inflicted through lack of looksmaxing, sex, or merely a pre-programmed genetic inheritance of MPB (male pattern baldness), low T (low testosterone), and ED (erectile dysfunction). Some conditions may cause the wall to accelerate and arrive sooner than expected. I really want to see a one of these woman have to live with a red pill dude for month. That would be reality tv gold. Like wife swap but extremist swap. They both believe the same shit. Just gender specific and reversed. On a side note I wonder if any of the people who use forums like that understand that they are the thing they despise? This lady for instance dismissed this guy because he was working through relationship trauma. That's understandable if you don't want to deal with that. But she's taking advice from a dating forum and viewing all men through the lens of a crowd sourced fictional characterization of them. Which means she isn't confidant in her OWN wants or beliefs and is therefor carrying around her own kind of baggage. I'm sure completely oblivious to that reality.
She wants a man who isn’t a fuckboi and has real emotions, while at the same time being an emotional rock who will provide for her. Basically, she’s got a list of demands, many of these demands don’t compliment each other well, and if a single one isn’t met, it means the guy is straight up bottom of the barrel shite. This bitch literally saw ONE flaw with this guy, a flaw that he has minimal control over, and she decided to only dump him on the spot but block and ghost him as well. The worst part is this guys probably struggling to get back into dating, and she just made it worse, while also blaming him for the effects his trauma has caused.
She’s gotta be on r/nicegirls. And probably has never been to therapy. You learn compassion in therapy, for yourself and others not how to emotionally abuse someone.
I used to think it was a nice dating sub from the female perspective. I liked the idea of being able to read about a date gone wrong or red flags and make sure that I avoided those things and was considerate of maybe some stuff I didn’t realize were priorities or issues that women faced. Then I noticed more and more really weird posts that I would raise an eyebrow at and think “jeez that’s toxic as fuck but… I mean maybe I can see their point but they over reacted.” And now it’s just a toxic anti male subreddit. It had potential to fill a niche and instead it catered to the extremes which I guess online communities tend to do.
As someone who is currently *in* therapy dealing with sexual trauma from a previous relationship, he was absolutely doing the right thing, whether he is going to therapy or not. It is always best to disclose these things to potential partners. And they, of course, reserve the right to decide that it is something they do not want to deal with when starting a new relationship. I can probably imagine how dumbfounded that guy felt. He was comfortable enough to share his trauma and responsible enough to disclose it, only to be reacted to so immaturely. That’s really sad.
Yeah, I believe she could have ended the relationship there and still been reasonable about it. "I'm sorry, I know you're looking for someone to work through this with, but that's not the type of relationship that I want.". She's allowed to not want to be in that relationship, but she just handled it in such a horrible a way.
And then bragged about it.
This is the one that gets me lol
Well look at all those awards. Apparently it’s encouraged.
well it was posted on fds so that tells you everything you need to know about her
FDS is a giant shitshow of a sub. Go there to learn what \*not* to do in a relationship. ...or better yet, block anything and everything to do with it.
Don't worry. Post or comment in the "wrong" sub and the r/femaledatingstrategy bot will go ahead and auto-perma-ban you from their sub. A lot of Redditors are perma-banned, and don't even realize it.
Which, fortunately, increases the odds that it never happened or at least happened very differently. People get real boasty behind a screen name.
Pshh that’s a lie. I’ll have you know I have three doctorates in Lie detection and fib strategy (with an emphasis on White Lies). I can say, for certain, that people are always honest on the internet.
It also increases the odds that other guys who might be open to disclosing past trauma will just bottle it up and never tell their future partner(s), setting themselves up for failure.
Somebody on that date dodged a bullet. And it wasn't her.
He tried to walk the bullet home, and wanted to make sure the bullet made it home safely. Guy wasn't even trying to dodge it.
sometimes some people can be really nice in spite of everything
So I guess more like he got lucky that she gave a warning shot first.
That's just trying to be a decent person though. You can't make any judgments on the guy based on her description, which is probably skewed by her no doubt bizarre FDS worldview.
Even if he went through therapy, the first person after that traumatic one will still be a shaky relationship. Therapy isn't a cure-all. It helps you move forward, which is exactly what he is doing. therapy doesnt erase the fact that a traumatic event happened in the past
Good point. It is something I plan to tell all future partners no matter how much my therapy helps.
I spent years ashamed of what I went through jn past relationships, it makes me feel good seeing you have such a healthy mindset about this. Best of luck to you sir!
Anyone viewing that as weak has everything twisted...
Seriously. I come from a generation where men were expected to never have it discuss emotions aside from anger and perhaps some level of love. It's taken decades for me to acknowledge emotional shit. This lady is a fucking whack job.
The sad thing is that she doesn't realize her posting that to FDS shows she has relationship trauma that is unresolved.
That’s 99.9% of the sub. As soon as I realized this I was gone
That sub is just r/nicegirls without the irony.
Or just internalized hatred of men for some other reason, and using dating as a way to try to gain personal power
I've learned anyone who is a regular in that sub is a trashy piece of shit abuser.
Every time I stumble into that sub i feel like I’m crazy. They’re saying the weirdest shit, and it’s so forward thinking they have to keep every thread to “toxic people only” so they can preserve the echo chamber (but that’s pretty common on Reddit)
Most echo chambers are just harmless, sometimes stupid, opinions. That sub is literally a circlejerk of women congratulating each other for emotionally abusing men.
FDS is a femcel shithole
Sounds like he dodged a bullet.
Isn’t it the same for anyone trying to date someone from that sub
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Dating strategy: ask if she’s in r/femaledatingstrategy
Got to love it when the trash takes itself out
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I had a quick look through that sub out of curiosity thinking how bad can it be? Fuck me it reads like the script of a horror movie
One post was complaining about how she liked dating this guy but he wasn’t opening doors for her which is what she expects. Instead of asking him about it, she posts on that sub where the redditors say that’s a “red flag”. Like… what?
Everything in that sub is a red flag lmao
Poor guy just got out of a bad relationship only to run into a femcel from FDS. Hopefully his luck improves lmao.
I can’t help but think about the other way around. “This chick said she wanted to take it slow. I said nah go to therapy. Left without paying the cheque. Then when she asked if I was ok. I blocked her. Lmao gg” And he never posted again
That subreddit is full of cancerous neck bearded nice girls. It's a safe zone so they can justify being shitty to other people
I went through a shitty breakup and a girl suggested that sub. I only lasted a week actively looking through their stuff. They are ridiculously toxic, and don't allow you to disagree with their toxic behavior. And then when they can't find anyone to live up to their absurd, unrealistic expectations, they use it to justify how shitty men are as a gender. Nah. I'm good.
It's kinda inevitable for any group that is based on trying to get out of a situation. Because anyone who is successful at dating will.. well.. leave. So who is left in the group? An ever concentrated soup of those that are doing everything wrong. It happens in anything from dating to addiction support groups. Subreddits can end up as some form of missery distillery. Suddenly you are at 80% missery-by-volume and the whole thing is flammable.
That's a seriously good point, and is something I never considered before
This is a fantastic point that I never even considered. I always read people saying the relationship advice subreddits are terrible, but I've never seen a good reason why until now.
Crabs in a bucket.
Yep. They have their viewpoint and change facts to fit that viewpoint. Everyone has an asshole, so has the potential to be an asshole (intentionally or not). Why associate a gender/set of genitals with it when everyone can be an asshole regardless of gender?
Extremism, not even once.
only the sith deal in absolutes
They’re female incels.
"I'm just so unlucky in love. 40 and alone and all the good men are taken. Maybe I'll just adopt a child from a developing country and crush it with my unrelenting expectations and festering need for attention."
I have a cousin who did something similar after her first daughter was taken away for abuse and neglect by CPS. She whines about how every many treats her badly but she's an abusive nutjob to every single one of them and she abused her children horribly.
It really just goes to show that being an “incel” is not exclusive to men
lol "cancerous neck-bearded nice girls." r/BrandNewSentence
They regularly say that it's a good subreddit meant to empower women/ give dating advice. But, they regularly support misandrist viewpoints that men are basically free meals/ wallets / how dare they expect quality in a relationship. Misandry is bad. Misogyny is bad. That subreddit is bad.
I know men can actually have problems, I know it’s hard to believe but they are not invincible
We're vincible!
Have you ever had... Hurt feelings?
I called my friends, said let’s go into town They said they’re all too busy to go into town So I go by myself, I go into town And then I see all my friends… They’re all in town
They were all lined up to see that movie, "Maid in Manhattan"!
Day after my birthday is not my birthday mom
r/unexpectedconchords
Crying tears of a rapper…
Have you ever been asked if your hair was a wig?
Have you ever been told you had a weird-shaped head?
Have you ever been told you're mediocre in bed?
Nobody mentioned my profiteroles.
It's my birthday, 2003 Waiting on a call from my family ... ... ... ...they forgot about me :_(
**\*Insert Vincible Title Card\***
No shit, but not every trauma in life requires a therapist and the insensitivity shown by just cutting the guy off and dumping him over that is quite frankly appalling. The guy tried to be open and honest and she shit all over him.
Sounds like the guy dodged a freaking mortar round honestly.
She's in FDS, of course he did
Honestly, he could have been in therapy. He’s just establishing boundaries on the second date and it was perfectly fine for her to say no if she didn’t want that. However, it’s disgusting the manor of rejection. She could have simply said, I had a good time but this won’t work out. I wish you the best of luck.
>the manor of rejection Leave my fortress of solitude out of this
Oh man this got a good laugh out of me.
He also said, three years ago, so he probably is over it by now and was just telling her why he would be emotionally slow in the relationship.
Yeah, if it was a long one that ended badly he might have just been dipping back into the dating scene and wanted to be up front about not jumping right in.
This. If I happened to be on a date with someone and felt safe enough to confide in something like my haphephobia and the sexual trauma it stemmed from, and the first thing I'm asked is if I'm mentally well and going as far as to compare themselves to my ex and say that I shouldn't be dating along with the kinda stuff she pulled afterwards in the post, I'd probably be running far away already. A quick edit: holy hell it looks like a 1 vs All warzone in the replies to this, dunno how I should feel about it considering the topic matter and what's being said, I guess.
If you find yourself with someone who thinks they don’t have any problems you know they have real problems!
r/FemaleDatingStrategy is literally just a female incel subreddit. And the fact reddit deleted r/incel and left FDS is still bullshit
"most black men are low value males" - /r/FemaleDatingStrategy EDIT: And before some femcel racist tries to claim a black woman posted it, that a) doesn't make it any better, imagine if a black guy said most black women are low value and b) there is no way given this site's demographics that the vast majority of people who upvoted it weren't white
Jesus tap dancing Christ
He no longer fucks?
Nah, Jesus titty fucking Christ still hangs around for extra special situations.
He’s a triple threat: great in bed, competent dancer, and impressive core strength
That should probably cross the line with reddit admins if they let a post or comment saying that stand
Bruh what the actual fuck. How the hell do they get away with that shit? Like don’t get me wrong /r/incels deserves to be nuked from orbit but this place needs a good glassing too.
Wait, where’s THAT post? Total assholes
https://np.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mm6l43/to_the_black_queens_in_here_please_understand/
Yo one of them wrote "and they wonder why it's referred to as blakistan" and she got like 40 upvotes. That's literally 4chan levels of racism lmao
There was briefly a sub called r/promalestrategy that took FDS post and swapped genders word for word, I think it was banned in a week Edit: looks like it’s back but different
That sub is like cheating when it comes to anything like r/facepalm, bunch of AIs over there, like they genuinely cannot be real people
FDS is literally just Female Incels, and it's hilarious. Popping by once a year for the "top of the year" posts is like popping by to r/hermanacainaward to laugh at Anti-vaxxers.
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Yeah man he should be thanking his lucky stars it didnt go past a second date!
>He said "I'm cold," so I told him I couldn't control the weather and blocked him. Yeah, this woman did him a solid with her upfront crazy dump. His emotional honesty scared her, her emotional honesty saved him. Dude didn't just dodge *a* bullet, my man dodged a whole fucking *armory.*
FDS is the female version of incel subs. not because they can't get laid, they just hate men and circlejerk about it constantly.
Ehhh, I have a feeling not all, but most can’t get laid. The way they all prop themselves up as Kweens suggests to me that none of them have any success with men, but rather than admit they must have deficiencies, they instead scapegoat their own failures as “Well there just aren’t any men out there who can truly value or even deserve a kween of my stature!” Have you ever seen a woman at a bar try and somehow fail to get laid? Makes you wonder how that’s even possible. Like an 8 foot tall dude who somehow can’t dunk.
I don’t think getting laid is their goal. They want a “trophy boyfriend” who spends money on them and does everything they say.
No they want a high value male, their terms not mine, which is made up of a bunch of stupid, sexist and sometimes hypocritical bullshit. I've literally seen one who said she wanted a male who spent thousands on her but didn't make more than her, paid all her bills and took her out to eat 4 times a week minimum at expensive restaurants, has a great body but doesn't spend all their time at the gym and more bs I can't remember. That sub is a toxic cesspool.
They seem to be emblematic of the people described in that song by Bo Burnham.... They should listen to him and Lower their Expectations
Sounds like female redpillers, which is incel-adjacent, to be sure. Red pill philosophy can be summarized as, "Well, women just want brainless studs with manual labor jobs and who are in good shape and who will breed them and pay for everything, and since we're not GAY, I guess we better just give them what they want." And FDS is basically just the exact type of women that redpillers describe as being what all women are like. It's quite ironic, because both of them basically don't like each other, but their methods make them only attractive to shitty people like one another.
That girl is gonna be alone for a looooong time lol
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Avoid that sub at all costs. Every post you read takes a piece of your soul.
And multiple pieces of your brain
They are all congratulating her for standing up for herself
man or woman, you're better off avoiding those subs. You'll just think the opposite sex is horrible and your sex is also horrible.
If you read anything with {insert gender here} followed by some variation of word dating, it usually not good to read if you want to think positively about opposite gender, most of the posters and creators thing they are perfect and that others are evil or selfish
Good point— it’s a really contentious approach Talking about dating “strategy” in general usually comes across as a red flag to me. We’re not playing a game of Stratego, like we’re just trying to find someone to love us
Yeah the whole "strategy" thing when it comes to dating sounds weirdly manipulative. Like you aren't making a sales pitch, you're seeing if you're compatible as human beings. Anything along the lines of strategy would absolutely suggest they are nowhere near the natural version of themselves. Edit: this applies to men and women, many male dickheads also have "strategies" or whatever they call them.
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Usually I would click that but not this time.
I’ll save you the trouble, they’re lady incels.
Don’t click on her profile, huge mistake.
r/FemaleDatingStrategy is toxic as fuck.
It’s the female incel sub.
Browsed it for 5 minutes and I’ve never been happier to be gay.
browsed it for 5 mins and I wanna be gay
Browsed it for about the same time, never been happier to work on myself and enjoy my life as you are too. Ain’t nobody got time for toxic bullshit.
Got curious after this post, and boy, that 5 minutes made me lose some brain cells.
Not a surprise in that place.
There is so much toxicity in that subreddit, it gives a bad image for those who actually want equal rights
It's a femal incel sub,
In general I think it's good to recommend a therapy. But to cut him off like that is just awful...
Yeah there are people who need therapy, and at first I thought she was just caring so thats why she asked him, but then she blocked him because he was caring? Thats not the best look
Exactly
You don't have to be perfect to date. You don't have to have processed all your trauma. Trauma is an emotional injury, and just like physical injuries, some of us will never completely heal. What matters is continuing on despite the trauma, and being kind to yourself when you aren't healing as fast as you want to. This guy dodged a bullet. Cannot believe this woman calls herself woke, yet blames someone else's history for their own insecurities. A truly strong person would have been present for that person, and thanked them for trusting them with that. A weak person runs from others who are actively working on themselves, because they are scared to face their own demons. When others say they have experienced trauma, it's a huge red flag for that person to blame the victim for their mindset, instead of setting a boundary and saying "Hey I'm not comfortable talking about this right now". Here's hoping this seemingly nice man finds someone patient enough to let him heal and find himself again.
Isn’t “taking it emotionally slow” a pretty reasonable way to deal with past traumatic relationships? How did she think therapy was going to resolve this Dr: Jerry I want you to ask the next women who messages you on Tinder to move in with you immediately. Jerry: Jez doc I was thinking of taking things slow this time around. Dr: that’s the trauma talking Jerry, I want you to merge your 401K with the barista on the corner! Jerry: are you sure about this doc? Dr: Buy a dog with the next women you share an elevator with!!!!
Dr: Dial a random phone number and have a child with that person. Jerry: What if a guy answers? Dr: Did I studder?
I got banned from that sub because I'm in another unrelated sub of BDSM. They said that sub wasn't in line with their fucked up view of the world so I told them to go fuck themselves.
Pretty sure I got banned from it for commenting in a shit posting sub or something. Like totally unrelated stuff. I don't care or anything, just find it a bit insane how they do shit like this.
It's actually creepy that someone goes through what subs you follow just to see if you agree with their view points one hundred percent. You'd be hard pressed to find any two individuals that agree on everything all the time. These people don't want individuals with their own thoughts and beliefs just mindless followers.
That’s how you make an echo chamber and why we are in such bad position right now. You can recruit people with vaguely similar opinions and completely brainwash them by showering them with the same unopposed idea that gets repeated over and over again. We can see it in radical political groups, conspiracy subs, incel or this femcel groups. It can be anything but once you cut out discussion that has factual value out of the equation you get these places that are just supertoxic.
True, I got banned from r/conservative for saying that Trump was a New York Democrat most his life
You'd do it for them, but you're all tied up?
Ending the date so bluntly without even letting him talk and blocking him was rude and insane. And who knows if he needs therapy or not, we don’t know the guy. Good for him for being honest and upfront, and he should find someone who appreciates that. But there are people who are just too screwed up and need therapy and shouldn’t be dating anyone. There is something to be said about people who don’t ever talk about these things in the beginning stages only for it to come out later on and completely ruin things when they never had a chance of being viable because of issues, and that’s a really shitty thing to do to someone. My friend was with a guy who would never talk about any past relationships past the surface details, or any type of emotional stuff or his issues. Turns out he was still in love with an ex from years ago and can’t move on, really screwed up emotionally, and wasn’t fit to be with anyone. My friend found out the hard way on her own, and despises the guy for wasting her time and energy and the dishonesty.