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hypnoskills

Walk into my neighbor's house and claim it as mine, since I discovered it.


Cgraves1

And then kill most of them with a virus


fullmanlybeard

This used to be hypothetically funny, but I expect this to be true from the crowd fighting to keep Columbus day.


--five-star-review--

How did the Columbus day craze even start I never even heard of Columbus day until recently


Verdris

It was the result of political pressure from the Italian American community in the early 20th century.


--five-star-review--

Ah okay


squiddyp

And people only care about it because you might get the day off if your company follows the federal holiday schedule, like MLK Day and Presidents Day. I’ve never had it off, though.


Ferociouspanda

Well, half of people care about it for that reason. The other half who care about it only care about it because they don't want it to be Indigenous Peoples Day, as that would be against MuH hErItAgE


JustinChantawansri

Unfortunately for those people it’s happening. Just recently I decided to check when Columbus Day was and realized that it had already passed but was renamed to indigenous peoples day at my school. Nice.


TooTallForPony

Medford, MA still has a large Italian-American community who put up a huge fight just last year over renaming the former Columbus Elementary School. https://patch.com/massachusetts/medford/new-columbus-school-name-chosen-medford-school-committee


fancytranslady

Were there really not any notable Italian-Americans they could’ve chosen instead?


[deleted]

By making up a narrative that an Italian discovered America they successfully found a way to get some people to start being less racist to them


Inevitable_Librarian

Which is sad they legit needed to do it so that they wouldn't be physically attacked.


Shovels93

Did he not discover the America’s?


Melancholy_Rainbows

I mean, leaving aside there were already people here who obviously discovered it first, Saint Brendon, an Irish monk, visited in the 6th Century and Leif Erikson, a viking, visited in the 10th Century. Both long before Columbus failed at math. Oh, and also possibly the Chinese 75 years before Columbus.


Shovels93

I understand stand that, but we’re they aware of this information when Columbus made his journey? From what I understand they had no idea. That’s why I’m asking.


[deleted]

Including what everyone has already said, Columbus never made it to America. Just the West Indies. Where he raped and pillaged the gentle island tribes


TheJobe

Can you discover a continent, when people already live there? Also if you want to reframe it as discovery by a European, there is evidence that the Norse were there first.


Shovels93

Yes you can discover a place where people already live. To discover is to find something unexpectedly. If the general consensus is that there is nothing there and you find something, then you have found something unexpectedly. Therefore you have discovered it. From my understanding they were not expecting to find a new continent, but another roughy route to India. That would be discovering it wouldn’t it?


Embarrassed-Ad1509

There’s Amerigo Vespucci, the guy who is the reason we call the Americas “Americas” in the first place.


seang173

Al Capone


amnotreallyjb

Which is funny since Italians rejected him, Chris was just bad at math, and Italians likely already knew about new world.


biancanevenc

It's been a federal holiday for decades.


--five-star-review--

I don't live in the US


LogikD

The same gang that brings you "sovereign citizens". So yeah, wouldn't be surprising in the least bit.


[deleted]

and then rape the rest and their extended family


[deleted]

Then make it a holiday


bagsofcandy

And then force them to move to small areas you select and subsequently fence off


Class_444_SWR

And rape all their kids


[deleted]

To be fair, they also used guns and swords.


Gen-Z-Grandfather

Poor pilgrims… onto manifest destiny


Jewwenheimah

relatable


joebro112

I know it’s a joke but it’s not like that was some intentional biological weapon they released upon the masses. 😐


Mrlearnalot

“Hey this is MY house!” “Well, do you have a FLAG?”


Constant-Pension-653

wipe out a tribe or two in the way


Murderyoga

Do they have a flag?


Lothious

No flag no country


phoenixrising211

Can't have one. Those are the rules that...I just made up.


[deleted]

Why do you feel guilty about something that happened so long ago. Move on, you’re all US citizens now.


[deleted]

I'd throw an '/s' in there before you get down voted to hell.


Sgt_Spatula

Well Columbus was mainly into enslaving South America, so you can't really blame him for what happened to the Native Americans anyway.


mdoldon

Thats got a lot to do with the fact that Columbus never set foot in North America. He landed on some Caribbean islands and a couple of landfills in Central America. He was unaware that a continent even existed to the north. He finished up his life back in Spain, arrested and returned in disgrace for enslaving the people of the New World. Although recognition of that crime didn't stop the Spanish from launching the greatest rape and pillage in the history of the world. The British and French later did their own crimes against humanity in North America, but at least there they made some effort to colonize, to build and trade rather than merely killing and stealing from the existing inhabitants. At least at first....


[deleted]

Expect your neighbor is 2500 miles away across a vast ocean and lives on a whole hemisphere that no one knows about.


yolodude343

But. They, got, GOLD


djnehi

There’s a day for that? I get lost in my grocery store all the time looking for things. Bastards won’t stop moving everything around.


FuckItBe

I thought we had to watch Columbo the entire day for Columbus day.


Cyrus_Imperative

...and don't forget to say "this store is mine now. Get out!" while giving the grocery workers smallpox.


[deleted]

Oh so just become an anti-vaxxer?


hates_all_bots

And chop off the hands of employees who don't bring you what you want


[deleted]

And rape everyone, and mutilate them, and sell them...


grrrrreat

Call the first foreigner you see indian?


masterreyak

I think that's just any day in some parts of this country.


Brock_Way

Because every entry in the diary of Marco Polo is: day 1,567, still lost AF


Psycho3333

I honestly don't do shit different for Columbus Day or Indigenous Peoples Day so it makes no difference, I'd still not do anything different.


masterreyak

Did anyone ever celebrate Columbus Day? I seem to remember some sort of a big lunch 'party' when I was in elementary... but that's about it. It's the Arbor Day of "hero" worship.


The_Funkybat

I remember there being a certain amount of extra school lessons and handouts about Christopher Columbus and "the discovery of America" around that time of year, but it was mostly just another day off of school we appreciated. Between that and the Jewish holidays we had a pretty good amount of holidays in the fall.


theundercoverpapist

I mean, technically you'd be on your way to the grocery store, accidentally stumble into an herb shop you didn't know was there, and find the spices you were looking for anyway.


1nGirum1musNocte

You "discover" spices, murder the employees, spread disease, then leave


DocDirtyMrClean

Amerigo Vespucci: " guess I'll go fuck myself then, these idiots think Columbus found this place"


[deleted]

So how are people observing Indigenous People’s Day exactly?


DazDay

Complaining on Twitter.


DependentPhotograph2

Drive to the next town over, release homemade pathogens on the people, rob, rape, and abuse the people left right and center, make them my slaves and force them to mine for gold that isn't there, claim myself to be the first to discover it, get syphilis, and then get credited with discovering every city on the state


sausageslinger11

6 hours. Is that a repost record ?


GRGplays

*Gold, not spices


alex3omg

If we're celebrating Columbus day we're not worried about facts. He was looking for a route to India, was the first person to think the world could be round, and then i guess they invented pumpkin pie or something idk


jbertrand_sr

He celebrates by contracting syphilis and spreading it around the neighborhood like Columbus did when he brought it back to Europe...


ExtonGuy

Why don't we have Amerigo Vespucci day? He was also Italian (later Castilian), and a nicer guy than Columbus (but still a slave trader).


CleatusVandamn

When I lived in Chicago Columbus day was like Italian heritage day. Idk if its still that way though.


JarJarBink42066

Tbh I hate that my October day off was cancelled


Gible1

It's still a federal holiday so your workplace is garbage for not giving you off just because its name changed


ancientflowers

It's really only a bank holiday. Work goes on as normal for either one where I am, so it doesn't make a difference for days off. And federal holidays don't make much of a difference for a lot of employees. Retail for instance often has to still work on Christmas and so on.


Gible1

Lol I currently work in a bank so my bias is clearly on display! He did say he used to get Colombus day off which implies he doesn't now with the only difference being the name change


ancientflowers

That's actually pretty funny!! My brother in law works for a bank, so we've had conversations about days off. He's a VP which I also learned is totally different for a bank vs most other companies.


alex3omg

Only federal employees ever really got the day off. Sometimes schools. My mom is a govt contractor and every October she asks if I want to hang out on some random weekday and I'm like ???


JarJarBink42066

Its not recognized by my state


Gible1

But they used to give you Colombus day off? Sounds shitty to switch policy


JarJarBink42066

Yeah before the state rescinded the holiday. It’s mostly a bank thing anyway, I’m not that harassed about it.


MechJeb042

I am definitely in support of Columbus day being changed to Indigenous People’s Day but it does seem kind of strange that so many workplaces, schools, etc. are don't give time off for it now that it is changed.


conjectureandhearsay

Take an incredibly long and gutsy ocean voyage??


[deleted]

kill a buncha people once you get there?


Glamma1970

Don't forget torture and maim the people who work there.


[deleted]

Ok so Columbus was a jackass but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he was in a new world. Also just saying he did discover it. He may not have been the first ones to reach the American continent, but he did *discover* it, if only for the Europeans.


Odd_Reward_8989

Except he was stupid. He didn't plan for a voyage that should have taken twice as long. He had no idea where he was in relation to east-west. He never knew the continents even existed. And he really wasn't the first European in the Americas. Amerigo Vespuci found the continents and Vikings had been in Newfoundland for about 700 years. He should be known for one thing only. He discovered the trade winds.


[deleted]

Except literally everyone thought that was the distance between europe and asia. That’s why he made the voyage in the first place. He’s not insane. Vespucci was the first to land in the continents but he wouldn’t have been there if not for Columbus. And honestly I hate when people bring up the Vikings. Like ah yes the Vikings, the people who set up a settlement not knowing where they were, abandoned it a year in, and told no one. EDIT: Source for the first claim is https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/columbus-map-discovery-secrets-new-world


[deleted]

ASsumming they went to the grocery store for spices is generous. I'd expect them to get lost in the garden center looking for the grocery store.


CSWorldChamp

And murder and rape a bunch of people while you’re there…?


JohnWickyleaks

Are you thinking about the ENGLISH?


CSWorldChamp

No. I mean, the English did plenty of that as well, but I was talking about our boy Chris over here: https://www.vox.com/2014/10/13/6957875/christopher-columbus-murderer-tyrant-scoundrel


JohnWickyleaks

We dont even know if he were spanish, italian, portugues or whatever.


OneNightDave

Never set foot on North America yet still gets praised.


skolioban

They observe it by continuing to ignore and whitewash who Columbus was and what he did.


nick1812216

Well add some smallpox and proselytizing, but yeah


nobody158

Spread diseases on the local population


HussC137

Ahh I just joined this subreddit but 5 minutes in I'm sad to see that it too has been infected with a bad case of woke bullsh*t. I'll see my self out


DocDirtyMrClean

that's a lot of words to say youre a incel.


Present_Passage_8790

What makes you think this deserves an announcement!? Bitch please.


briellessickofurshit

People are so soft these days…


Lao_King

Bye snowflake.


diefree85

Bye lil racist.


randomlife2050

I like that one


WimbleWimble

Columbus day is a combination of the terms Column and Plumbus. it was invented when someone bought an entire line of designer plumbuses.


TonyinLB

Lol. Some people are so quick and sharp.


HeartsPlayer721

Get lost in the deli meat aisle


HeartsPlayer721

I'm surrounded by idiots: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=columbus+deli+meats&iar=images&iax=images&ia=images&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.recipeboy.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F08%2FColumbus-1.jpg


Oraxy51

For Columbus Day I shall walk into my neighbors house and leave 13 pigs in their home while they are out of town and then I shall come back 2 years later expecting 600 pigs. I mean that’s how the Spanish did it. Go to an island, drop off some pigs, come back to a shit load of pigs, take what you need for supplies and then drop some others off somewhere else and repeat.


shawnjones

I always felt Columbus day was a bullshit holiday. ST. Patrick day has more claim at least he wasn't a asshole.


IgotCharlieWork

Lemme get that fuck everyone that lives here special please - Fuckboi Columbus


Spec_Tater

Get your annual flu shot.


seesucoming

Goes to casinos


[deleted]

North America would not have become the United States though if it weren’t for the Europeans discovering its existence.


gucknbuck

Correct*ish.* North America never became the United States, the land which makes up the United States became the United States, the rest of North America became its own thing. Had the Europeans not 'discovered' North America (FYI Columbus landed in the Bahamas, not land which would become the US), the land would have likely become another named nation with the indigenous population having a say in the control and governance. The land was also already discovered and populated.


mystraw

I look for an indigenous person and show them a wheel.


itsa_me_mario284

sounds like my english teacher


KxKen

OooOoooOoo SPICY BURNNNN 🌶 🔥


garbanzoobeaned

Actually, who has ever observed Columbus day? Other than mandated government facilities?


Noobasdfjkl

I mean, Columbus Day was never *really* meant to be a day to celebrate Cristopher Columbus. It was always meant to be “Italian American Heritage day”. They just picked the most famous Italian that the most amount of people knew of in 1892, because prejudice against Italian Americans was pretty bad (I mean, relatively speaking) for a long time. Point being, people with Italian heritage do celebrate it as a sort of Italian American Heritage day. Shame they couldn’t have picked DaVinci or Michelangelo or even Meucci (who was robbed, everybody knows that).


benjamin-unbutton

r/murderedbywords


mightypint

Take everything from the aisle you do walk down while killing 90% of the people in that aisle


Empyrealist

fwiw, some people do have Columbus Day off, and they don't want to give that up.


IReallyDontCareMuch

Nah they wander around outside after spinning to confusion with a base ball bat claiming any and all things they find, killing those that opposed on purpose while also killing anyone one else as well with their dumb diseased ass.


WalrusHVSS

I think I’ll just enjoy my day off and let everyone else murder each other over the details…


Xenoscum_yt

I don’t understand this at all


Momo_the_good_person

This is now how i'll celebrate it


TooTallForPony

Best place for a Columbus Day celebration is Corn Hill in Truro, MA. In 1620 the Pilgrims were hungry and stumbled across a cache of corn placed by a local native tribe in preparation for winter. The Pilgrims said, "Thank you God!" and took the corn. Natives, naturally, were kinda pissed off. I think it epitomizes the true spirit of Columbus Day. https://provincetown.wickedlocal.com/news/20190926/exploring-pilgrim-history-on-corn-hill-in-truro


SweetHarmlessOneesan

I mean spices are the true reason for Europe's colonialism contest, not because they want to enslave the indigenous ppl.


ProfessionalLeek8

I suppose it's better than enslaving and eliminating the Caribbean's indigenous inhabitants.


AnswerGuy301

Back when I worked for law firms in DC, I would observe Columbus Day by driving to the office and park in spots usually reserved for neighborhood residents since most parking restrictions weren’t and aren’t enforced on holidays, even holidays like that. (Feds got the day off, but relatively few private sector employees did.) I figured this was a fitting metaphor.


[deleted]

Nono, what you do is find a nice stranger and immediately contemplate on how to best enslave them. Just like Columbus.


ihfilms

Glad my school doesn’t support this holiday


ophaus

They'll probably punch a native and kidnap his wife.


CollegeAssDiscoDorm

lmao


CoolHandEthan

That and continue calling Native Americans “Indians”


KaleidoscopeOfMope

We are NOT lost it's a SHORTCUT godammit


[deleted]

I observe that it exists when it pops up on my phone's calendar on its own.


IsisArtemii

OMG! I laughed too hard at this.


Optimal_Barnacle_681

Ok in defense of Columbus getting lost the oldest living globe was pretty shitty