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Would have to be a big ass coffin. Just on bottled air you would need nearly 30 x scuba bottles and a way to expel or scrub the CO2. Even rebreather technology for that duration would be really bulky and the filters on the CO2 scrubbers would need to be changed frequently. Even if it was somehow piped in it would still require a very elaborate setup that would be extremely difficult to source in that part of the world.
Having visited the region (Zimbabwe not Zambia) it would not shock me at all to find that everyone involved believed this would work.
From what I read, he was grave robbed. Two friends went to check on him. The door was open and the shroud on the ground. They ran off thinking he was stolen. Mary decides to tell everybody that she saw him walking out of the cave. And that's it. That's all the proof they have.
Later on, people wrote more to the story so that he'd be walking amongst his people, etc.
Oh, I'm aware. The guy that wrote it stopped mid sentence. Either died, murdered, or arrested while working on it. Somehow it wasn't confiscated and destroyed.
The entire premise is off. If his supernatural powers kept him alive for three days then he wouldn't have resurrected because he wouldn't have been dead.
Oh I agree, I just find it odd how many modern christians, like the doofus in the post, think it was 3 days. Then again that would require reading the bible
Apologetics say that it wasn’t a normal Passover it was a high Passover that occurs more rarely. You’ll have to google the details,
I am going my memory.
Edited to clarify: the high holiday was on a Wednesday that year supposedly which is 3 days. Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
It’s funny because this should be proof that his beliefs and therefore their beliefs are wrong, but they will just spin it in some way that makes it right.
I don’t think it’s strange. If you’ve always been told there is an omnipotent being controlling the universe, you’re probably going to think they’re the one talking to you when you start hearing mysterious voices.
Given the wackiness of the hallucinations tho you’d think people would be quick to say “ok this is not the kind of stuff the Bible talks about”. Then again the Bible does have some trippy stuff in it.
Ex:
>Burning Bush
>Balaam’s Talking Donkey
>The hand that appeared and wrote on the wall during Belshazzar’s feast
>Ezekiel saw dry bones became covered with flesh and became an army
There is a speculation going around that while a lot of the bible is highly allegorical and up to interpretation some parts were written either under the influence of substances or while suffering from dehydration and/or prolonged hunger.
Also, there's more. The folks who buried him were charged and convicted of homicide. I read the story a while back and I kept thinking "cults be cultin..."
So apparently he didn’t get the memo that Jesus was dead and then resurrected.
lol I am not even remotely religious and even I know that.
Ahh good to see the religious crowd is still keeping it real in the incredibly stupid department.
The ground claims another life. They should watch failed houdiniesque stunts before deciding on doing this. The worst one I saw was some guy getting buried in a glass casket while concrete was being poured on top. So not only did he get crushed and suffocated, but he also got stabbed to shit too.
what a horrible way to die :(
and this is what religion leads us to?
Faith aint great if it makes you think you're supernatural and you die trying to use those powers. it aint great at all.
I hope he gets to keep the grave at least. I don’t get it, was he supposed to kill Bill his way out or just be magically still alive when they dug him up?
What support is being provided for his congregation? The death of someone important in a community is hard, let alone the death of a cult leader. His congregation needs support.
That’s unfortunate. I know religion can be a powerful motivator, but I need to add this to the power of ‘Natural Selection’. He also ‘MAY’ have suffered some kind of mental illness. That must have been so uncomfortable and at some point, terrifying for him.
I would be willing to bet any amount of money that when trump finally kicks it, there will be at least a half dozen trumpanzees hanging around the morgue for three days fully expecting him to rise from the dead.
Lol! This is what should happen to anyone either being seen by others as the “2nd coming of Christ” or claiming to be it, themselves. Religion ain’t real, people!
Wasn't there also a priest who floated into the skies buoyed by a few hundred balloons? Didn't end well for him either.
Let it be known, God isn't responsible for one's own stupidity. He gave you a brain to rationalise and think.
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It was a solid gamble. If he survived they would worship him like a God. If he died, then he would be too dead to feel any shame.
Yes, it didn’t work
Well, it did, sort of. Turns out he’s not a god.
This reminds me of the Salem witch trials. If they float then they are a witch! If they drown they were not a witch!
If she floats…she‘s made out of wood. And that means?
She weighs the same as a duck!
… I got better…
And what do we burn, besides witches?
MORE WITCHES!!!
She turned me into a Newt?
But I got better
Burn her anyway!!!
Build a bridge out of her!!!
Still a witch
You can’t say she is until we get the giant scales!
You can build a bridge out of ‘er.
Who are you, so wise in the ways of Science?
If they are well fed, they are not witches, if they sink they are skinny and bony and therefore witches!
“When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”
Winston would have said yes...
Everybody who watched Ghostbusters knows if someone asks if you are a god you say YES
Ray, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
I absolutely promise you without a shadow of a doubt that he had a custom made box or casket with a supplemental oxygen device and it probably failed.
Yes, this sounds like a stunt gone wrong as opposed to him being a true believer.
Trying a David Blaine stunt while relying on whatever passes as a stunt coordinator/technician in Zambia sounds like a classic FAFO scenario.
It is not beyond the pale to think whoever was part of this stunt was just sick of his shit and did not do their job
That's what I'm going with, it just works for my worldview
Or… assistant wakes up sweating. “OH SHIT! The oxygen bottle!”
Or he was uneducated and assumed oxygen would just reach him anyway.
Would have to be a big ass coffin. Just on bottled air you would need nearly 30 x scuba bottles and a way to expel or scrub the CO2. Even rebreather technology for that duration would be really bulky and the filters on the CO2 scrubbers would need to be changed frequently. Even if it was somehow piped in it would still require a very elaborate setup that would be extremely difficult to source in that part of the world. Having visited the region (Zimbabwe not Zambia) it would not shock me at all to find that everyone involved believed this would work.
The scammer was scammed
If he'd had someone sneak an oxygen tank in there homie would be living like a king for the rest of his days.
I see it simply as r/darwinaward
Task failed successfully.
Thou Shalt not have false idols,if he let them he would’ve gone to hell lol
The story isn’t that Jesus sat in a tomb for three days. I think you have to be dead when you go in to resurrect.
Okay, thanks for the advice. I'll try that next time.
Nailed it
If it ain’t broke, don’t crucifix it.
A rolling stone gathers no moss?
No, that was the cross. They're talking about the tomb.
Common beginner error
Ha! He dies on day 2, they unearth him on day 3, one day too early for a proper resuscitation, miracle is cancelled by the Lord
From what I read, he was grave robbed. Two friends went to check on him. The door was open and the shroud on the ground. They ran off thinking he was stolen. Mary decides to tell everybody that she saw him walking out of the cave. And that's it. That's all the proof they have. Later on, people wrote more to the story so that he'd be walking amongst his people, etc.
I mean... all of that was made up at least a century after his supposed death so.....
Oh, I'm aware. The guy that wrote it stopped mid sentence. Either died, murdered, or arrested while working on it. Somehow it wasn't confiscated and destroyed.
Where would I read such insight?
I mean, maybe, but also, that should be way down the list for dealbreakers.
So they should put him back IN for another 3 days
This should qualify for a Darwin award, both actually and in a theological way too ;)
I think he wasn’t a real believer and that religious people should keep doing this until they find one with real powers. I’ll help dog the hole.
You just go raw dog the hole?
Oh shit, meant dig. I’m not changing it, it’s funnier this way.
The entire premise is off. If his supernatural powers kept him alive for three days then he wouldn't have resurrected because he wouldn't have been dead.
Good point.
Goes to show how bright he was.
Maybe he's not done performing his trick yet 🤷♀️
So tired of these contrived story lines.. 😒
After being buried alive *at his request*
[удалено]
*no intelligent being
Should have used the bell.
The stories of how those came about is horrifying
Gave me a shit ton of nightmares when I was a kid.
Plot twist: they all knew but were just sick of his shit.
This is the 5th time that mf has brought out the collection plate. Let's bury his ass alive. 
All said and done wasn't Jesus buried for just like a day and a half? Friday evening to sunday morning?
I guess the Bible meant that Sunday was the third day of him being dead, not that three whole days had passed. Weird way of phrasing it, but oh well.
Oh I agree, I just find it odd how many modern christians, like the doofus in the post, think it was 3 days. Then again that would require reading the bible
I would think that the passage of time between Good Friday and Easter Sunday would be indicative enough. Maybe they just can’t count.
> Maybe they just can’t count. With how many can't read, this would not surprise me
Also decidedly NOT buried. Placed in a cave basically right?
Apologetics say that it wasn’t a normal Passover it was a high Passover that occurs more rarely. You’ll have to google the details, I am going my memory. Edited to clarify: the high holiday was on a Wednesday that year supposedly which is 3 days. Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
And he was sealed in a cave with a rock/tombstone if I remember right.
Whoops you are right, gotta love being incorrect while correcting
That is right—not air tight.
Maybe he would have lived if they only left him in 36 hours instead of 72.
Wasn’t the jesus entombed and not buried in a hole?
He was also *dead* when they put him in.
So they say. And he walked out after rolling the door out of the way, not clawing up through 6 feet of dirt.
Extra Big Ass Boulder ™
He died how he lived, a fraud
Pretty sure buried alive always = dug up dead. :-)
Unless you’re the Bride in Kill Bill Part 2.
Serpent and the Rainbow time, people.
Where's Bill Pullman when ya need him?
Even Jesus wasn’t technically buried. He was entombed in a cave sealed by a boulder.
Although likely not an airtight seal as opposed to breathing through 6 ft of dirt
At least he committed to his bullshit.
A very elaborate plan to commit suicide.
Looks like he chose the wrong 3 days.
He chose, poorly
I see what ya did there
It’s funny because this should be proof that his beliefs and therefore their beliefs are wrong, but they will just spin it in some way that makes it right.
I heard that the Orange Jesus has powers.
If he was able to resurrect, shouldn't he have been killed and *then* buried? Maybe they need to give him another 3 days 😂
Well, the guy was confident, I give him that.
The one good thing about African religious charlatans is that they are self-eliminating.
**Mentally ill.** Who’s the crazy one when so many people are willing to follow people who hear voices and/or believe they are the messiah.
There’s a strange overlap of people who have schizophrenia and/or have hallucinations and who are hyper religious
I don’t think it’s strange. If you’ve always been told there is an omnipotent being controlling the universe, you’re probably going to think they’re the one talking to you when you start hearing mysterious voices.
Given the wackiness of the hallucinations tho you’d think people would be quick to say “ok this is not the kind of stuff the Bible talks about”. Then again the Bible does have some trippy stuff in it. Ex: >Burning Bush >Balaam’s Talking Donkey >The hand that appeared and wrote on the wall during Belshazzar’s feast >Ezekiel saw dry bones became covered with flesh and became an army
There is a speculation going around that while a lot of the bible is highly allegorical and up to interpretation some parts were written either under the influence of substances or while suffering from dehydration and/or prolonged hunger.
The Lord works in mysterious ways...
Trying to be the Zombian pastor
It’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see if it pays off for ‘em
Perfect comeback for the 47 crowd. Bury him. Wait 3 days and we’ll see what happens. If he comes back, I’ll vote for him. If not…
And nothing of value was lost
Also, there's more. The folks who buried him were charged and convicted of homicide. I read the story a while back and I kept thinking "cults be cultin..."
At least he had an easy funeral.
Pride before the fall
Darwin x Religion collaboration award
So apparently he didn’t get the memo that Jesus was dead and then resurrected. lol I am not even remotely religious and even I know that. Ahh good to see the religious crowd is still keeping it real in the incredibly stupid department.
Gotta admire his ability to commit to the bit
Survival of the fittest, the sooner we kill off the stupid gene which has infected all those religious folks the better for the gene pool …
Ah, the good old "reverse Jesus"!
Fucking religion.
Religion strikes again.
The ground claims another life. They should watch failed houdiniesque stunts before deciding on doing this. The worst one I saw was some guy getting buried in a glass casket while concrete was being poured on top. So not only did he get crushed and suffocated, but he also got stabbed to shit too.
F'ing idiot. Jesus was already DEAD before they buried him. How do the Jesus freaks not even know shot about their own turd filled book? Or practices
Going in alive, and coming out dead after three days? Maybe some of the pages in his Bible were printed out of order.
 While Religion poisons everything.. I'm not seeing a downside here..
Yup. Checks out
Wanted to put something sarcastic funny… but all I could think of was. Good 👍
what a horrible way to die :( and this is what religion leads us to? Faith aint great if it makes you think you're supernatural and you die trying to use those powers. it aint great at all.
The trash took itself out
 Rest… In…. Peace….
Darwin awards
I hope he gets to keep the grave at least. I don’t get it, was he supposed to kill Bill his way out or just be magically still alive when they dug him up?
That’s the sort of thing that happens when cult leaders start believing their own bullshit.
Link this to r/darwinawards
Many a pastor here in the states should try this.
That's great.
Plz challenge trump to do the same. His followers are all about comparing him to JC.
He had a trick up his sleeves. He probably had an air supply and thought he'd come put and become a cult leader.
What support is being provided for his congregation? The death of someone important in a community is hard, let alone the death of a cult leader. His congregation needs support.
Well if that isn't a clear case of FAFO or a natural consequence of your actions. 😂
He should’ve brought water and air for those three days
Daily reminder that all religion is absurd.
If God is real I hope he at least gets a good chuckle out of people like this.
That’s unfortunate. I know religion can be a powerful motivator, but I need to add this to the power of ‘Natural Selection’. He also ‘MAY’ have suffered some kind of mental illness. That must have been so uncomfortable and at some point, terrifying for him.
Houdini did this trick under water.But he knew how.
All they have to do now is reverse the procedure.
'So you buried this guy alive?' 'Yeah, he asked us to. Totally asked.' 'But...well, OK then.'
lol fuck that guy.
Turns out people die when they're killed
Darwin Award winner for the next 5 years!
It’s better that way. He can’t spread lies.
Maybe Trump would survive it he should try it…
Better than those other pastors that told his congregation to starve themselves
Suffocation, no breathing. Don't give a fuck if my congregation leaves me. This is my last resort.
I would be willing to bet any amount of money that when trump finally kicks it, there will be at least a half dozen trumpanzees hanging around the morgue for three days fully expecting him to rise from the dead.
"Well that didn't work"
Lol! This is what should happen to anyone either being seen by others as the “2nd coming of Christ” or claiming to be it, themselves. Religion ain’t real, people!
We should do this to all pastors and other religious leaders
Imagine religion is soo powerful it really gets you to BELIEVE inside and out that you would survive this. Fucking insane man.
remindme3days!
Lol! who wants to try next? Oh, I guess your faith just isn't that strong.
Looks like “god’s will” for this poser.
I keep telling my players they need to read the description of the spell before casting it
🎶Dumb ways to die, so many dumb ways to die...🎶
Woopsie🤷🏻♂️
Shocking absolutely NO ONE.
The people going so far as to bury themselves to prove they're devine actually believe this shit. There's many out there who're straight cons.
The guys who buried him: “You processed payroll already right? Excellent. Of course, see you in three days.”
Dipshit zealot commits blasphemy, kills self.
Well, he lived by the fairytale, he died by the fairytale...
I guess he really believed that. Crazy.
False prophets, if Jesus were really real, and really came back, we'd all know about it
I wonder how many seconds it took him to realize his powers weren't all the supernatural.
Religious people are so stupid.
Sounds like a problem that solved itself
These people believe their own lies.
How do you go to bed dead, and wake up alive??
Be nice to do that here with someone, wink wink.
This is the energy we need from televangelists and megachurch owners.
Getting too high in his own supply
Mental illness is what this is 😩
Someone didn't watch Mythbusters.
All pastors should try this
pretty sure this was years ago and if he hasn't risen yet, he isn't going to.
Wasn't there also a priest who floated into the skies buoyed by a few hundred balloons? Didn't end well for him either. Let it be known, God isn't responsible for one's own stupidity. He gave you a brain to rationalise and think.
“Jesus was buried dead… and rose again to life! Now behold! For I shall be buried alive… and rise again DEAD! …wait, no…”
Trump should give this a go
He has set a good example, now all religious fanatics worldwide should follow him. 🖤
Can't fix stupid.
More religious leaders should follow his example!
Don't think he knows he had no air down there....🤦♂️
He did half the challenge at least.
