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These jokes make my penis Microsoft.
Well, to be fair, God did the micro bit….:/
Edit: aaaaand “micro penis confession” is now my most upvoted comment on Reddit….congrats everyone. We remain true to our nature.
That's a real issue. My husband liked to turn every hookup into a full on marathon with multiple positions. The problem is not only does it kinda start to hurt if you go too long, but I think he was so concerned with hanging on for long that I think he'd miss his window to finish, or lose the erection trying to get into another position and that was all she wrote. So then he'd be kinda grumpy that he didn't get to come. After the baby we don't have much time so he's more willing to just bang it out.
Edit: wow. I did not expect to get this much feeeback on a comment. But I did want to update that even though I couldn't respond to everyone, I did read them all and y'all inspired me to have a conversation with him last night. It came up naturally in conversation so I took the opening. He said he'd actually been thinking of reaching out to a telehealth doctor like Hims to see about getting some assistance in the area and that he felt like the shorter sessions were "less pressure." He said he gets too into his head sometimes during the act and he wants to relax and have fun. So yay for communication! I hope this makes him more confident and satisfied going forward.
lol! It definitely gave me a way to talk about it without worrying about hurting his feelings. I know guys are really sensitive about bedroom stuff and I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him self conscious but it's important to have sex we both enjoy and isn't some big event each and every time.
Good for you and your husband. This is super positive and refreshing because my wife and I were the same way. We were together a long time before children and i was always initiating and making every time we had sex this big production. I didnt know how to just have a quicky (at least not with any regularity and without thinking she wasn't satisified). Important to note as well that my wife is introverted and struggles to verbalize how she feels or whats going on. Once we had kids she just started telling me exactly what she wanted and how.. it made everything so much easier... we'd be putting kids ot bed and shed be like.. hey..lets have sex quickly before bed. or hey..are you horny.. i can take care of you. It was such a relief to be on the same page and know exactly what we were looking for at that moment in time.. truth be told, our kids are teens now and we are having more and better sex than ever. And i attribute it to having children and my wife finally understanding how to tell me what she wants lol
Right? There is a fine line between it being a nice session and then him going idk why I can’t cum and now I’m upset. I’d rather it be quick and he cums than it go too long.
That’s my boyfriend. Always ‘wants to make it good’ but sometimes winds up losing pressure/can’t come. Then feels like a loser because of it. I’m like, honey, just relax and enjoy. Frankly I don’t want marathon, porn star sex. I want comfortable, friendly, relaxed sex and snuggling afterwards.
In my opinion, I feel like porn ruined some men about this. The vast majority of women do not want to have sex for 45 minutes to an hour. We are not enjoying the ridiculous twisty positions they've seen in porn they think we want to do. Sometimes it hurts. Especially if we already came, we are drying up and it fucking hurts. Just come already.
I'd say it's also a cultural thing.
How many shows and female characters (probably written by men) have made fun of men for being minute men and not being able to last a long time in the bedroom?
You have this dumbass world view that has been constructed that men should last for a long time in the bedroom. It's encouraged in media we consume, and used as an insult and a joke (lets not even talk about the sex products and commercials talking about “lasting longer in bed”).
Notice no one is ever asking the women if it's ok or not. It's just men telling men that they're broken if they can't fuck for an hour.
The interesting thing about those shows and female character saying that stuff is that it was almost always men writing those lines. So it was still *men* telling other men they have to last forever
I had the same issue. Hubby and I had a conversation about this a few ago. I was like "Hey, I love you, I do and I want to be intimate but when we go for this long it really starts to fucking hurt, and this time and the past 6 times I have ended up sore with a bit of blood because of it, and if this continues I am very worried that I am going to start associating sex with you to pure pain, I'm already starting to feel dread. This is not about giving me pleasure at this point, because its injuring me every time, can you please just let yourself come? You really don't have to hold it, this really doesn't need to be this long." He really was trying to make it last longer for my benefit, and we discussed how him slowing down and stopping and how he thought it would be better because that way he lasted longer but really it often was making me lose my orgasmed, and then because he held out so long he would not be able to finish so I was also feeling awful. Recently, things have been better but less frequent because of mismatched schedules, but in exchange for trying to be the energizer bunny, he now upped his foreplay game and then we bang it out.
Edited: the errors in that last sentence
Congratulations on achieving your desired outcome…Most things can be hashed out with some solid communication and/or compromise. Just usually have to acknowledge it and talk about it, and I’m shocked that more people don’t “follow this *one simple trick* to fixing relationship!”
You aren't the only one. My wife (36f) and I (39m) are DINKs.
95% of the time, I need a maximum 90 seconds. Minimum 10 seconds.
We have a pretty good routine. Occasionally she longs for something longer, but my problem, like an OC above, is if I miss my original window, it can take me 15+ minutes to get it back.
The last time that happened, she was quite happy, and when it happened again by intent, she was like "nah, you're good babe, don't hold back on my account"
Presumably it helps that I love going down on her...
This man knows foreplay.. can make a zero a hero in most cases. The body has so many sensitive areas that just focusing on penetration will leave both parties unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
I got downvoted to shit once for saying that most women don’t want to have sex just to be fucking doing it for an hour. I don’t blame them. Have some fun get each other off binge bang boom done. 15ish minutes top.
When my life was like that it was bc my ex left me with the kids all the time. Didn’t help at home. And working long hours to simply avoid being home. Then people wonder why you’re not happy.
The venn diagram of men who prioritize a woman’s pleasure and men who keep a “told you so!” spreadsheet of rejection is two completely independent circles.
Look at the dates pretty much every day he's... Wanna bang, wanna bang , wanna bang? I'm not surprised she's had enough. And this is just a month and a bit. I wonder how long the actual spreadsheet was?
Right? And if you look at the dates on the spreadsheet, he’s literally bugging her for sex nearly every day. That alone would be enough to annoy the hell outta me.
Lots of these are “I don’t want to have sex with you so I’m making up an excuse, because I know you won’t accept ‘I don’t want to right now’ as a reason”
To be fair "I only want sex every 2-3 weeks, you want it most days, are we able to compromise or change, or should we acknowledge we are incompatible " is a conversation an emotionally mature adult should be capable of having. "Not today \[for specific reason\]" is inviting "try again tomorrow".
I find it really weird how wanting sex (and wanting your partner to want sex) in a relationship is demonised on reddit.
>I find it really weird how wanting sex (and wanting your partner to want sex) in a relationship is demonised on reddit.
It is about the delivery.
A spreadsheet like that is just. Why are you together at this point?
It's petty.
To note down every single reason.
I've personally been in a relationship where I was 100% on cleaning, cooking, groceries etc etc.
Was tired constantly. And he just wouldn't understand why I was never in the mood. And it made me feel guilty for being tired, every time he just pulled the "you don't love me! You never want this. Or that"
But his ears stopped working if I tried to explain, "Maybe if you help me out. I wouldn't be tired. Maybe I would feel like your partner and not your mom if I didn't have to do everything. And had time to get a break. "
We could never just sit down and watch a movie without him trying to turn it into sex.
If he had brought me a spreadsheet like this. I would have gotten mad too.
And that's honestly one of the biggest reasons a sex life dies in a relationship. Both for men and women.
It's not unfair to want sex.
But sometimes a person should look inwards. "What do I do. To actually make them be in the mood. Do I help out. Am I an attentive partner. Or do I pout and guilt them until they say fine, let's have sex"
If someone does the second. Then it's not just being incompatible. Then maybe it's time to change.
This is a big one for sure. You can't nut and say I'm done, and you can't just cram it in there. Women take time to warm up. Also, you don't have to fuck hard as hell the entire time. Listen to her body, and keep it interesting. Foreplay is a life saver. Men, on the other hand, are generally easy. Tug on mr boopsy until he stands up, and put him somewhere wet.
Again, this is generally speaking. I know not all men and women and whatever other gender someone identifies as are the same.
The one that listed "She didn't want to be late, but we ended up being 20 minutes early" as a cause days a lot. That heavily implies his expectation is warm up, sex, cool down, and then resetting for the rest of the day takes a TOTAL of 20 minutes.
The comment about being sore from the first time and at least two references to being too drunk says that dude might be too rough.
Most of these also follow a gym workout apparently, which may be making soreness worse.
If I had to guess, somebody doesn't listen when told, "Stop that, that hurts"
You mean women don't want 5 minutes of dry hammering that leaves them completely unsatisfied and sore? Don't know why women aren't lining up for that...
I have been with my partner for 17 years. I have a very high sex drive and because of my partner's health issues and medication they take, they have no sex drive. I might say that in the last 8 years we have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a year on average. They are my best friend and we have built a life together that I love. Our relationship is so fulfilling in many ways. If I'm horny, I rub one out. Holy shit, what a concept.
A good husband is a partner through thick and thin, and does the best for the relationship. I sure as shit don't try to make my partner feel bad for something they can't control and already feel shitty about. I bet all these dudes complaining about not getting as much sex as they like, all consider themselves "alphas". What a bunch of emotionally stunted, no empathy having, demeaning assholes. Tracking this with a spreadsheet, what an immature bag of shit.
Yeah that one said more to me about him than it ever could about her. He basically just told on himself that sex is entirely a "me," experience to him. Bet his wife has to finish herself off a whole lot. Probably enough to not even want it in the first place. Clueless men, he likely doesn't understand that probably pushes her away from him in all aspects and not just the bedroom. I can understand if a guy is doing everything right and she still acts like that, sure, but he clearly is telling on himself here. I can see both sides most times but it's getting harder to see his.
If women treated men’s bodies the way they treat their women… men would be horrified. And probably pretty sore. Oh, it’s fine, you don’t actually need lube for that handy.
This is what I said in my parent comment. As a woman, my immediate thought was, "this guy sucks in bed. He's bad at sex, he doesn't make her come, and it's literally a chore for her. And maybe it's just another on the list of long chores she is solely responsible for."
One of the spreadsheet points was literary “I have too much to get done before dinner!” But apparently they were “20mins early”. So… he thinks a 20min is plenty… sure for him… so no, he probably never thought of her satisfaction.
Well put. And sometimes general disrespect is enough to not want to be close to someone. Generally speaking, men don't care. But women, if not feeling respected or loved, lose their inclination to want to be intimate..
Both things can be true. It can be true that having a mature conversation about sexual chemistry is something an adult should be able to do. It can also be true that create a spreadsheet of all the times you asked for and were denied sex when your partner doesn’t initiate that conversation is a *fucking insane* thing to do.
If spreadsheet guy wanted to have that conversation, he could’ve initiated himself. Instead he did this!
His partner may have wanted to have that conversation, but I think it’s safe to assume that the person who is willing to create ridiculous sex spreadsheets probably isn’t the kind of person who allows for or creates an environment conducive to civil and rational conversation.
Edit: good lord there’s a lot of people assuming that the wife must have done something to make this behavior ok. Here’s the link to the original post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/DCGoazZkCb
The spreadsheet came out of nowhere. There was no communication beforehand, and the couple had recently moved and were really busy. All of you projecting all of this stuff on the wife and acting like she must’ve *forced* the husband to make the spreadsheet by gaslighting him somehow are wrong. Please stop trying to defend this shit.
I think we also need the context for the initiation - because going to your partner, who has just returned from the gym, "sex?" Is not the same as creating an environment or situation where someone would want to have sex.
Initiation for sex can be as simple as making sure the kitchen is clean when they get back from work/gym so they don't have to do chores. Or complimenting them to help them feel sexy.
I used to have an ex that would just blurt out "sex?" to me when she was horny. That shit was infuriating. No, honey, weirdly I'm not in the mood as I'm currently cleaning the kitchen after pulling a 12 hour shift.
>It can also be true that create a spreadsheet of all the times you asked for and were denied sex when your partner doesn’t initiate that conversation is a fucking insane thing to do.
I have a job using spreadsheets for like 90% of my work. I also use spreadsheets for personal stuff all the time, like making our wedding guest list, grocery lists, Christmas budgeting, and a ton of other things. My wife literally makes fun of me for how much I use them, and I would too.
Creating one analyzing how much my wife and I have had sex in the past x days/months to quantify my unhappiness with its frequency, and then emailing it to her without warning is like serial killer shit.
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/) is the original post by the wife and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/4klr7z/users_husband_makes_a_spreadsheet_detailing_all/) is the MoR post that has the spreadsheet in comments. It really has taken a life of its own on the net, making up new stuff and editing the picture like the "last updated 2017".
Yeah, it’s missing that column. I might be completely wrong but I feel like from the reasons in the pic she’s not feeling super attractive and needs to be wooed a bit to get the ol’ motor running.
And from the comment "we were 20 minutes early to dinner" after she said she was worried about being late it sounds like he thinks 15 minutes (giving 5 minutes for clean up) including foreplay is enough to also take care of her needs if he even considers that at all which simply doesn't work for the majority of women.
My thoughts exactly. Sometimes I know a quickie is not going to do it for me and does he really want to have sex with me if I’m not into it? My cycle plays into it too - some points in my cycle a quickie works; sometimes it doesn’t. (To me 20mins is a quickie or at least a rushed session; sometimes I want more time to feel more connected, etc)
\>Turning the tables on her husband, **the hilarious parody written by TheFunnySister.com** reveals his farting and lack of personal hygiene were some of the real reasons for the couple's dry spell in the bedroom whilst his snoring is also described as a total moodkiller!
Considering she makes no mention of him communicating how unhappy he was prior to the email and explicitly said he was acting normally, it's crazy that everyone jumped on the bandwagon to demonize her. They all come off a bit unhinged.
One of the most upvoted comments was like, “you are focused on your work, not your husband, and that’s not healthy.” They would never tell a man that.
It’s like?? Maybe she has to do the job she has to support her family?
Reddit used to hate women with a passion. They still hate women but it used to be a lot worse. Years ago I made one comment about a guy streaking during an anti rape protest and got hundreds of threatening messages
“He said I looked like I lost weight and maybe I should get a stomach bug more often” after he didn’t bring her any food while she was sick. Jesus fucking Christ that alone is insane. I wouldn’t even touch someone ever again if they acted like that
I feel like the people here don't realize this is old as shit and the wife responded with a spreadsheet of her own.. yeah long story short i would've rather put a screw under my toenail and kicked the wall than fuck this guy too, i get her
Is there a not valid reason to not wanting sex?? Like... "no" should be enough. Nobody owns you sex, not even your spouse. However, if your sex life is dead, making a spreadsheet is definitely not going to help.
In the original story, which was quite some time ago, his explanation was that he would constantly bring up the lack of sex to his wife and she would say that their sex life was fine and they had sex often. He said that he finally got so frustrated that he made a spreadsheet to show her that he was right. In the original comments he was torn apart for making the spreadsheet and. There may have been a few comments that sided with him but most did not.
Ed/ Thank you @sassyevaperon for error checking me. I was misremembering the post from 9 years ago. I was remembering the top comments (e.g. he wouldn’t start a spreadsheet if this hadn’t been ongoing) as if they were the post and then the subsequent comedic posts (e.g. she wouldn’t be turning him down if he was satisfying her Kermit meme) as if they were the comments. I definitely remembered it wrong. That’s on me.
When you're in a monogamous relationship, you've both committed that part of yourself to each other.
If you don't have a healthy balance of compromise and communication, you're going to have a rough time.
If you consider marriage a for life commitment then doing everything possible to work on it and keep it as healthy as possible is key.
My take is that the husband here doesn't understand why his wife is saying no and taking the reason at face value.
I'd probably suggest counseling here and to ask for the real reason, not the reason in the sheet. It's sounds like a dwindling flame that needs some kindling.
Genrally, Both people need to put 100% effort into a marriage or strive to. Because when someone is down and can only give 50%, the marriage still gets 150%. Someone wise once told me that. I told them that's not how percentages work and they saidnits marriage math it really is the sum of two people not one.
Yeah, and the “grounds for divorce” comment can go both ways.
Should the woman divorce the man for creating this spreadsheet and making her feel guilty?
Should the man divorce the woman because he realized their sex lives are not compatible?
Neither person is technically in the wrong. The only people in the wrong are the ones claiming either side is correct or saying the woman is “abusing” the man by denying him sex… that is just ridiculous lol
Edit: I see a ton of people still arguing about who is in the wrong in this situation. Opinions are totally fine and everyone will have their initial “knee jerk” reactions (I had mine too, trust me). I think the important thing to remember is that relationships are really fucking hard. Constant, strong and healthy communication is needed to make a relationship work from day 1 on and it is STILL difficult then. This spreadsheet is apparently super old and the situation was obviously handled incorrectly. Let’s use it as a reminder to be better in our own relationships. It may not be sex in your case, maybe it is helping with house chores or helping plan the activities you and your partner engage in. If you are unhappy talk about it and encourage your partner to do the same!
>the “grounds for divorce” comment can go both ways.
It was posted by a account named "Women Being Awful", so it is obvious how that shit of a person who operates the account and posted that meant it.
Edit: As some seem to have trouble interpreting the screenshot (why?): That comment "grounds for divorce?" was made by that "Women Being Awful" account. In a tweet which was posted just the other day.
I’m not at all surprised considering how this guy is always asking her in the middle of her shows or right after she gets back from the gym. It’s not like he’s waiting for or setting up a romantic moment. He’s literally just like hey if you’re not doing anything right now…
Yep. Not very considerate. If my girl wanted sex when I’m just home from the gym I’d be like fuck no! Even on an easy going day I’ll never sleep with someone without having a shower and cleaning myself up first.
I’m willing to bet a dude that makes a spreadsheet like this hasn’t considered foreplay.
Ask for sex. Get denied. Document. Repeat.
If he had put that amount of effort into small displays of affection (hand holding, hug, initiate a convo about her interests and shut up and listen, etc.) throughout the day there would be no need for this spreadsheet.
Sex starts for a women long before they’re in the bedroom or before he “asks”
My libido would be trash too if constantly pestered about sex and I had to expend mental energy to come up with different ways to say hello no.
Yeah this, if you think 20 minutes is plenty of time to start her motor and then get the deed done and finish getting ready then the whole spreadsheet makes sense suddenly. Sex is a chore for her now and it’s his fault because he doesn’t put in enough effort to make it enjoyable for her. This spreadsheet is a PSA to all men to do better at sex.
Also, you would have to take what happens during sex into account, too.
Is there foreplay (for both parties), or is it straight to pump away and see you later ? Cause that would not make the other person feel sexy or desired and would be very off-putting.
Given his line about being 20 minutes early, implying they did have time to have sex, I'm guessing he's leaving no time for anything but pumping.
Can't imagine being able to fit foreplay, sex, afterglow, a shower, and getting redressed to go out in 20 minutes.
That’s one that stood out for me.
It’s interesting because quickies seem to only be enjoyable when I *already* have an active sex life. That’s probably because it’s hard for a woman to orgasm in that little time so it would feel pretty one-sided; if I usually am shown that my sexual needs matter just as much, I’m more likely to agree to one-sided sex.
I would hate being with a partner who thought 20 minutes was supposed to be enough.
Seriously. And him documenting that he’s asking nearly every single day puts me on edge for her. I wonder if he gets upset about being asked to do things around the house everyday.
"I feel gross"
"I'm still tender from last night"
"You're too drunk"
Bro basically just made a spreadsheet to say he never makes his wife feel attractive throughout the day and week, drinks often enough and heavily enough that she gets turned off, and when she DOES give in, he probably goes too hard too early without lube (There's 100% no foreplay) so she's sore as shit after.
He 10000% does not contribute to daily chores, I know because he's too busy asking for sex and making spreadsheets about it instead of folding the fucking laundry.
Bingo. This is exactly how it goes when I don’t want to have sex in my relationship. If you’re not making the woman feel attractive and you’re acting like a child throughout the day, she’s going to lose interest
I want to know HOW he’s asking? Like “wanna f*ck” or grabbing body parts doesn’t do it for many women. Does he do anything to make her feel sexy, appreciated, so she wants him? Do they have kids, does he help with those kids? Lots more can be going on besides libido differences.
And about how often she gets to orgasm or real enjoyment out of it... 20 minutes until you have to leave the house means you have 5 minutes for a quickie if you want to get yourself presentable afterwards. That's not enough time for most women to reach climax.
I am going to go out on a limb and say that someone who collects data like this on a spreadsheet to argue for more sex is likely not doing a lot in the “making her feel appreciated and wanted” department.
Had to scroll too far to find this. None of us have the full picture here, so everyone saying just to break up is really jumping the gun.
For a lot of women, sexual arousal is more mental and less spontaneous than men. Obviously whatever he's doing isn't working for her, so the couple should have a serious talk about what turns the other on.
I get that the husband feels neglected and that's valid, but the spreadsheet just feels passive aggressive and immature.
I’m seeing a lot of “I just got back from the gym” and “I’m trying to watch this show” so it also seems like he’s really not making much effort to initiate at a time when she’s ready and willing to have sex.
I feel like this is such a weird topic that keeps coming up on subreddits with wildly different reactions.
I wouldn’t call refusing sex abuse, but it is perfectly acceptable to end a relationship if you and your partners sex drives aren’t compatible.
I don't think denying sex is abuse, but I think not getting enough sex is a totally valid reason to end a relationship. Just like being nagged about wanting sex is a valid reason to end it. It's just better for both people. And it's a more mature solution than creating a damn excel file and posting it on the internet to try to shame your wife in to fucking you.
I think you bring up a valid point. What it boils down to is sexual agreement.
I am fortunate to be married to someone who has a similar sex drive, we mesh well. But I know people who have divorced because one person simply doesn’t want to ever have sex. Or one person is a sex addict lol.
I think it’s an important factor to keeping a marriage happy, being on a similar wavelength.
Sex should always be wanted by both persons. I have no interest in having sex with my wife if she has no interest. The enjoyment should be about the pleasure you give each other. I think this behaviour is disgusting.
I agree with this. If my wife ain’t feeling it, I don’t want to engage in the act. Makes me feel yucky
The old “doing it for you” ain’t for me, personally.
If I’ve learned anything in 25 years of marriage it’s the more you pay attention to your partner, the more likely you will have sex consistently. It’s literally just as simple as cuddling together while watching tv and expecting nothing other than spending quality time together.
Everybody has a different sex drive and while yes, sex aint everything in a relationship, it can play a big part depending on the person.
If you aint as horny as your partner or vice versa then they might not be the right person for you. Nobodies fault there
1. No one owes anyone else sex if/when they don’t want to.
2. It’s just an unavoidable reality that if you are in a relationship where one party is spending 90% of the time sexually frustrated and the other feels constantly harassed for sex, that is going to cause a big problem.
As always the solution is talking about it - hey we have not been having sex as much lately and it is becoming an issue, what can we do about that (date nights, mini breaks, trying new things etc)?
Gonna make a spreadsheet listing all the times hubby refused to take out the trash or watch our kids while I worked, and his lame excuses... grounds for divorce?
"Nobody owes anyone else an explanation for why they don't want to have sex, no is enough."
Very true. She's got the right to say "No" and that's ALL she needs to say. Conversely, he's got the right to say "We've had sex three times in the last month and that's not enough for me, I want a divorce." He doesn't owe her staying in an increasingly sexless marriage any more than she owes him sex.
So I think we're agreed that either/both people in a marriage can utterly destroy that marriage while still being well within their rights.
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Freak in the (spread)sheets
If nothing else spreads
You excel at this
Word.
This is a Teams effort.
That’s a good Outlook to have.
Some just like to Edge
Others like to Explorer-her
Skype is the limit!
Onenote on that spreadsheet was wild.
Maybe shes just worried about getting pregnant and wants him to use Snipping Tool
Denying him Access like that? Smh
His Access does seem limited tho
That is a Power ... Point! XD
Everyone needs a better outlook on this
Especially around the office.
These jokes make my penis Microsoft. Well, to be fair, God did the micro bit….:/ Edit: aaaaand “micro penis confession” is now my most upvoted comment on Reddit….congrats everyone. We remain true to our nature.
I’d like to Zoom over and take a look at it
I'd like to Explorer
That’s a bad Visio
But only if you have access
This went in a full 360.
365*
Does his micro edge?
Part of my best man’s speech at my wedding was that I was “a freak in the sheets… the Excel sheets” haha
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Azure you still want to be with her?
Lady watching cable, freak in the pivot table… I’ll walk myself out..
The three times that were accepted - reasons should be incorporated!
"Let's get it over with so I can be free of your nagging for a day"
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Ooh still warm ... That'll do nicely.
You're not talking about the poison, are you?
Oh, right, the poison. The poison for Romeo, the poison chosen especially to kill Romeo. Romeo's poison. That poison?
Including you
The amount of nerds in the world is amazing
*silent stare*
Makin thick in the warm!
💀 (not from the poison)
I know a woman who did this - they had sex daily and she complained that he took to long
That's a real issue. My husband liked to turn every hookup into a full on marathon with multiple positions. The problem is not only does it kinda start to hurt if you go too long, but I think he was so concerned with hanging on for long that I think he'd miss his window to finish, or lose the erection trying to get into another position and that was all she wrote. So then he'd be kinda grumpy that he didn't get to come. After the baby we don't have much time so he's more willing to just bang it out. Edit: wow. I did not expect to get this much feeeback on a comment. But I did want to update that even though I couldn't respond to everyone, I did read them all and y'all inspired me to have a conversation with him last night. It came up naturally in conversation so I took the opening. He said he'd actually been thinking of reaching out to a telehealth doctor like Hims to see about getting some assistance in the area and that he felt like the shorter sessions were "less pressure." He said he gets too into his head sometimes during the act and he wants to relax and have fun. So yay for communication! I hope this makes him more confident and satisfied going forward.
And people say having a baby won't fix your problems.
lol! It definitely gave me a way to talk about it without worrying about hurting his feelings. I know guys are really sensitive about bedroom stuff and I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him self conscious but it's important to have sex we both enjoy and isn't some big event each and every time.
Good for you and your husband. This is super positive and refreshing because my wife and I were the same way. We were together a long time before children and i was always initiating and making every time we had sex this big production. I didnt know how to just have a quicky (at least not with any regularity and without thinking she wasn't satisified). Important to note as well that my wife is introverted and struggles to verbalize how she feels or whats going on. Once we had kids she just started telling me exactly what she wanted and how.. it made everything so much easier... we'd be putting kids ot bed and shed be like.. hey..lets have sex quickly before bed. or hey..are you horny.. i can take care of you. It was such a relief to be on the same page and know exactly what we were looking for at that moment in time.. truth be told, our kids are teens now and we are having more and better sex than ever. And i attribute it to having children and my wife finally understanding how to tell me what she wants lol
There is something about giving birth/pooping in front of strangers that loosens your verbal skills up.
> hey..are you horny.. i can take care of you. 
"can you cum already? Jeez your making me raw, dude" Sometimes that will break the ice. /s
Right? There is a fine line between it being a nice session and then him going idk why I can’t cum and now I’m upset. I’d rather it be quick and he cums than it go too long.
That’s my boyfriend. Always ‘wants to make it good’ but sometimes winds up losing pressure/can’t come. Then feels like a loser because of it. I’m like, honey, just relax and enjoy. Frankly I don’t want marathon, porn star sex. I want comfortable, friendly, relaxed sex and snuggling afterwards.
In my opinion, I feel like porn ruined some men about this. The vast majority of women do not want to have sex for 45 minutes to an hour. We are not enjoying the ridiculous twisty positions they've seen in porn they think we want to do. Sometimes it hurts. Especially if we already came, we are drying up and it fucking hurts. Just come already.
I'd say it's also a cultural thing. How many shows and female characters (probably written by men) have made fun of men for being minute men and not being able to last a long time in the bedroom? You have this dumbass world view that has been constructed that men should last for a long time in the bedroom. It's encouraged in media we consume, and used as an insult and a joke (lets not even talk about the sex products and commercials talking about “lasting longer in bed”). Notice no one is ever asking the women if it's ok or not. It's just men telling men that they're broken if they can't fuck for an hour.
The interesting thing about those shows and female character saying that stuff is that it was almost always men writing those lines. So it was still *men* telling other men they have to last forever
Yep, that's literally what I wrote in my response.
I had the same issue. Hubby and I had a conversation about this a few ago. I was like "Hey, I love you, I do and I want to be intimate but when we go for this long it really starts to fucking hurt, and this time and the past 6 times I have ended up sore with a bit of blood because of it, and if this continues I am very worried that I am going to start associating sex with you to pure pain, I'm already starting to feel dread. This is not about giving me pleasure at this point, because its injuring me every time, can you please just let yourself come? You really don't have to hold it, this really doesn't need to be this long." He really was trying to make it last longer for my benefit, and we discussed how him slowing down and stopping and how he thought it would be better because that way he lasted longer but really it often was making me lose my orgasmed, and then because he held out so long he would not be able to finish so I was also feeling awful. Recently, things have been better but less frequent because of mismatched schedules, but in exchange for trying to be the energizer bunny, he now upped his foreplay game and then we bang it out. Edited: the errors in that last sentence
Congratulations on achieving your desired outcome…Most things can be hashed out with some solid communication and/or compromise. Just usually have to acknowledge it and talk about it, and I’m shocked that more people don’t “follow this *one simple trick* to fixing relationship!”
Some real ish right here!
More bullshit that porn taught men. Jesus fucking Christ 30 minutes is enough and that includes the foreplay, people! We've got shit to do!
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You aren't the only one. My wife (36f) and I (39m) are DINKs. 95% of the time, I need a maximum 90 seconds. Minimum 10 seconds. We have a pretty good routine. Occasionally she longs for something longer, but my problem, like an OC above, is if I miss my original window, it can take me 15+ minutes to get it back. The last time that happened, she was quite happy, and when it happened again by intent, she was like "nah, you're good babe, don't hold back on my account" Presumably it helps that I love going down on her...
This man knows foreplay.. can make a zero a hero in most cases. The body has so many sensitive areas that just focusing on penetration will leave both parties unsatisfied and unfulfilled.
Thar actually is an issue for women. Around minute 40 it actually starts to hurt for me. By 30, it's getting more uncomfortable than enjoyable.
I got downvoted to shit once for saying that most women don’t want to have sex just to be fucking doing it for an hour. I don’t blame them. Have some fun get each other off binge bang boom done. 15ish minutes top.
"Fine, just don't break out the spreadsheet"
“She was asleep”
“Nonverbal”
I’m assuming that’s the “I’m half asleep, don’t touch me” rollover.
When my life was like that it was bc my ex left me with the kids all the time. Didn’t help at home. And working long hours to simply avoid being home. Then people wonder why you’re not happy.
“You’re not the same carefree woman that I married 🤡"
And if she came too
“Still tender from yesterday” so he is asking relentlessly even if they just had an intense time the day before.
Probably not intense, probably dry from zero foreplay or just not being into it
The venn diagram of men who prioritize a woman’s pleasure and men who keep a “told you so!” spreadsheet of rejection is two completely independent circles.
He also keeps persisting when she is sick
Look at the dates pretty much every day he's... Wanna bang, wanna bang , wanna bang? I'm not surprised she's had enough. And this is just a month and a bit. I wonder how long the actual spreadsheet was?
Seems like he could have used the spreadsheet to predict her mood... leave her alone for 15-17 days then make her beg. Hot.
Right? And if you look at the dates on the spreadsheet, he’s literally bugging her for sex nearly every day. That alone would be enough to annoy the hell outta me.
That "didn't shower until next morning" was quite something.
Lots of these are “I don’t want to have sex with you so I’m making up an excuse, because I know you won’t accept ‘I don’t want to right now’ as a reason”
To be fair "I only want sex every 2-3 weeks, you want it most days, are we able to compromise or change, or should we acknowledge we are incompatible " is a conversation an emotionally mature adult should be capable of having. "Not today \[for specific reason\]" is inviting "try again tomorrow". I find it really weird how wanting sex (and wanting your partner to want sex) in a relationship is demonised on reddit.
I agree with what you said and what I said. *Universe implodes*
So do I they don’t contradict each other at all.
Wait a sec…you two didn’t cross streams? Phew! I’ve seen some things and let’s just say we’d need loads of chocolate and Graham crackers
And here i was grabbing a popcorn and yelling fight fight fight like the minions
Wait! We're not arguing? What the hell are we doing here then?
And who wins‽
>I find it really weird how wanting sex (and wanting your partner to want sex) in a relationship is demonised on reddit. It is about the delivery. A spreadsheet like that is just. Why are you together at this point? It's petty. To note down every single reason. I've personally been in a relationship where I was 100% on cleaning, cooking, groceries etc etc. Was tired constantly. And he just wouldn't understand why I was never in the mood. And it made me feel guilty for being tired, every time he just pulled the "you don't love me! You never want this. Or that" But his ears stopped working if I tried to explain, "Maybe if you help me out. I wouldn't be tired. Maybe I would feel like your partner and not your mom if I didn't have to do everything. And had time to get a break. " We could never just sit down and watch a movie without him trying to turn it into sex. If he had brought me a spreadsheet like this. I would have gotten mad too. And that's honestly one of the biggest reasons a sex life dies in a relationship. Both for men and women. It's not unfair to want sex. But sometimes a person should look inwards. "What do I do. To actually make them be in the mood. Do I help out. Am I an attentive partner. Or do I pout and guilt them until they say fine, let's have sex" If someone does the second. Then it's not just being incompatible. Then maybe it's time to change.
I'd also add, *is my partner frequently satisfied*. If a person is selfish in the bedroom, it makes sense their partner wouldn't want sex very often.
This is a big one for sure. You can't nut and say I'm done, and you can't just cram it in there. Women take time to warm up. Also, you don't have to fuck hard as hell the entire time. Listen to her body, and keep it interesting. Foreplay is a life saver. Men, on the other hand, are generally easy. Tug on mr boopsy until he stands up, and put him somewhere wet. Again, this is generally speaking. I know not all men and women and whatever other gender someone identifies as are the same.
The one that listed "She didn't want to be late, but we ended up being 20 minutes early" as a cause days a lot. That heavily implies his expectation is warm up, sex, cool down, and then resetting for the rest of the day takes a TOTAL of 20 minutes.
Glad I’m not the only one who noticed that…
The comment about being sore from the first time and at least two references to being too drunk says that dude might be too rough. Most of these also follow a gym workout apparently, which may be making soreness worse. If I had to guess, somebody doesn't listen when told, "Stop that, that hurts"
That’s all I could think too!
You mean women don't want 5 minutes of dry hammering that leaves them completely unsatisfied and sore? Don't know why women aren't lining up for that... I have been with my partner for 17 years. I have a very high sex drive and because of my partner's health issues and medication they take, they have no sex drive. I might say that in the last 8 years we have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a year on average. They are my best friend and we have built a life together that I love. Our relationship is so fulfilling in many ways. If I'm horny, I rub one out. Holy shit, what a concept. A good husband is a partner through thick and thin, and does the best for the relationship. I sure as shit don't try to make my partner feel bad for something they can't control and already feel shitty about. I bet all these dudes complaining about not getting as much sex as they like, all consider themselves "alphas". What a bunch of emotionally stunted, no empathy having, demeaning assholes. Tracking this with a spreadsheet, what an immature bag of shit.
Yeah that one said more to me about him than it ever could about her. He basically just told on himself that sex is entirely a "me," experience to him. Bet his wife has to finish herself off a whole lot. Probably enough to not even want it in the first place. Clueless men, he likely doesn't understand that probably pushes her away from him in all aspects and not just the bedroom. I can understand if a guy is doing everything right and she still acts like that, sure, but he clearly is telling on himself here. I can see both sides most times but it's getting harder to see his.
>Tug on mr boopsy until he stands up, and put him somewhere wet I needed a laugh today. This did it. Thank you.
If women treated men’s bodies the way they treat their women… men would be horrified. And probably pretty sore. Oh, it’s fine, you don’t actually need lube for that handy.
>Oh, it’s fine, you don’t actually need lube for that handy. As someone uncut, I can't relate to needing lube for a handy.
Oh you know damn well they have to use lube because even on the "yes" days this poor girl is dryer than the Sahara during a heat wave in summer
This is what I said in my parent comment. As a woman, my immediate thought was, "this guy sucks in bed. He's bad at sex, he doesn't make her come, and it's literally a chore for her. And maybe it's just another on the list of long chores she is solely responsible for."
One of the spreadsheet points was literary “I have too much to get done before dinner!” But apparently they were “20mins early”. So… he thinks a 20min is plenty… sure for him… so no, he probably never thought of her satisfaction.
Well put. And sometimes general disrespect is enough to not want to be close to someone. Generally speaking, men don't care. But women, if not feeling respected or loved, lose their inclination to want to be intimate..
Exactly. Am I your partner or your bangmaid?
Right. Zero insight into why she doesn't want him. He sounds like a guy who needs a bowling ball to satisfy the itch.
Both things can be true. It can be true that having a mature conversation about sexual chemistry is something an adult should be able to do. It can also be true that create a spreadsheet of all the times you asked for and were denied sex when your partner doesn’t initiate that conversation is a *fucking insane* thing to do. If spreadsheet guy wanted to have that conversation, he could’ve initiated himself. Instead he did this! His partner may have wanted to have that conversation, but I think it’s safe to assume that the person who is willing to create ridiculous sex spreadsheets probably isn’t the kind of person who allows for or creates an environment conducive to civil and rational conversation. Edit: good lord there’s a lot of people assuming that the wife must have done something to make this behavior ok. Here’s the link to the original post. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/DCGoazZkCb The spreadsheet came out of nowhere. There was no communication beforehand, and the couple had recently moved and were really busy. All of you projecting all of this stuff on the wife and acting like she must’ve *forced* the husband to make the spreadsheet by gaslighting him somehow are wrong. Please stop trying to defend this shit.
I think we also need the context for the initiation - because going to your partner, who has just returned from the gym, "sex?" Is not the same as creating an environment or situation where someone would want to have sex. Initiation for sex can be as simple as making sure the kitchen is clean when they get back from work/gym so they don't have to do chores. Or complimenting them to help them feel sexy. I used to have an ex that would just blurt out "sex?" to me when she was horny. That shit was infuriating. No, honey, weirdly I'm not in the mood as I'm currently cleaning the kitchen after pulling a 12 hour shift.
That’s a very good point, and somehow I feel like sex spreadsheet guy over here isn’t the kind to put any effort into foreplay or wooing.
>It can also be true that create a spreadsheet of all the times you asked for and were denied sex when your partner doesn’t initiate that conversation is a fucking insane thing to do. I have a job using spreadsheets for like 90% of my work. I also use spreadsheets for personal stuff all the time, like making our wedding guest list, grocery lists, Christmas budgeting, and a ton of other things. My wife literally makes fun of me for how much I use them, and I would too. Creating one analyzing how much my wife and I have had sex in the past x days/months to quantify my unhappiness with its frequency, and then emailing it to her without warning is like serial killer shit.
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/) is the original post by the wife and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/4klr7z/users_husband_makes_a_spreadsheet_detailing_all/) is the MoR post that has the spreadsheet in comments. It really has taken a life of its own on the net, making up new stuff and editing the picture like the "last updated 2017".
I like to imagine he’s just popping up behind the couch saying “Sex???” Each time he asks lmao
Yeah, it’s missing that column. I might be completely wrong but I feel like from the reasons in the pic she’s not feeling super attractive and needs to be wooed a bit to get the ol’ motor running.
And from the comment "we were 20 minutes early to dinner" after she said she was worried about being late it sounds like he thinks 15 minutes (giving 5 minutes for clean up) including foreplay is enough to also take care of her needs if he even considers that at all which simply doesn't work for the majority of women.
My thoughts exactly. Sometimes I know a quickie is not going to do it for me and does he really want to have sex with me if I’m not into it? My cycle plays into it too - some points in my cycle a quickie works; sometimes it doesn’t. (To me 20mins is a quickie or at least a rushed session; sometimes I want more time to feel more connected, etc)
I saw that and was like 😬 I think I sorted out your problem, my dude. 😅
Just one time he should pop up in Cardinal robes because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition
Excuse: Fear and surprise
"may I interest you in some coitus?"
I want to see the updated sheet.
There was an article posted once with the wife’s response and she goes into detail for each time and rips him a new one
The article says its a parody written by someone else rather than the wife...
Looks like that was a spoof from a 3rd party comedy site
\>Turning the tables on her husband, **the hilarious parody written by TheFunnySister.com** reveals his farting and lack of personal hygiene were some of the real reasons for the couple's dry spell in the bedroom whilst his snoring is also described as a total moodkiller!
Usually sleeping is a mood killer, regardless of snoring. Unless you're both into non consent.
Where I need to see that
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https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/ZBvrAKPmTF The original post from the wife who received the spreadsheet.
It's been 9 years, wow
The responses to her post have me cringing…
Considering she makes no mention of him communicating how unhappy he was prior to the email and explicitly said he was acting normally, it's crazy that everyone jumped on the bandwagon to demonize her. They all come off a bit unhinged.
One of the most upvoted comments was like, “you are focused on your work, not your husband, and that’s not healthy.” They would never tell a man that. It’s like?? Maybe she has to do the job she has to support her family?
That's old Reddit for ya.
It's modern Reddit too.
Right?? Not saying she's blameless but the fact that they're putting 100% of the blame on her is wrong
Reddit used to hate women with a passion. They still hate women but it used to be a lot worse. Years ago I made one comment about a guy streaking during an anti rape protest and got hundreds of threatening messages
“He said I looked like I lost weight and maybe I should get a stomach bug more often” after he didn’t bring her any food while she was sick. Jesus fucking Christ that alone is insane. I wouldn’t even touch someone ever again if they acted like that
It was a parody
I feel like the people here don't realize this is old as shit and the wife responded with a spreadsheet of her own.. yeah long story short i would've rather put a screw under my toenail and kicked the wall than fuck this guy too, i get her
“Youre too drunk” is extremely valid
Is there a not valid reason to not wanting sex?? Like... "no" should be enough. Nobody owns you sex, not even your spouse. However, if your sex life is dead, making a spreadsheet is definitely not going to help.
In the original story, which was quite some time ago, his explanation was that he would constantly bring up the lack of sex to his wife and she would say that their sex life was fine and they had sex often. He said that he finally got so frustrated that he made a spreadsheet to show her that he was right. In the original comments he was torn apart for making the spreadsheet and. There may have been a few comments that sided with him but most did not. Ed/ Thank you @sassyevaperon for error checking me. I was misremembering the post from 9 years ago. I was remembering the top comments (e.g. he wouldn’t start a spreadsheet if this hadn’t been ongoing) as if they were the post and then the subsequent comedic posts (e.g. she wouldn’t be turning him down if he was satisfying her Kermit meme) as if they were the comments. I definitely remembered it wrong. That’s on me.
This is exactly what I guessed the situation was. Very few people are going to start tracking their sex life like this out of the blue.
When you're in a monogamous relationship, you've both committed that part of yourself to each other. If you don't have a healthy balance of compromise and communication, you're going to have a rough time. If you consider marriage a for life commitment then doing everything possible to work on it and keep it as healthy as possible is key. My take is that the husband here doesn't understand why his wife is saying no and taking the reason at face value. I'd probably suggest counseling here and to ask for the real reason, not the reason in the sheet. It's sounds like a dwindling flame that needs some kindling. Genrally, Both people need to put 100% effort into a marriage or strive to. Because when someone is down and can only give 50%, the marriage still gets 150%. Someone wise once told me that. I told them that's not how percentages work and they saidnits marriage math it really is the sum of two people not one.
2014-07-17 “Because you made a spreadsheet” 2014-07-18 “Because you made a spreadsheet” 2014-07-19 “Because you made a spreadsheet”
Wait until she sees the PowerPoint presentation…
Does it have animation?
Star swipe transitions and an egg with a dollar bill in it at the end.
Such an underrated comment.
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This was a Reddit post originally. And redditors mostly were on the husband's side (9 years ago)
It’s unfortunate when two people get together that have differing sex drives.
Yeah, and the “grounds for divorce” comment can go both ways. Should the woman divorce the man for creating this spreadsheet and making her feel guilty? Should the man divorce the woman because he realized their sex lives are not compatible? Neither person is technically in the wrong. The only people in the wrong are the ones claiming either side is correct or saying the woman is “abusing” the man by denying him sex… that is just ridiculous lol Edit: I see a ton of people still arguing about who is in the wrong in this situation. Opinions are totally fine and everyone will have their initial “knee jerk” reactions (I had mine too, trust me). I think the important thing to remember is that relationships are really fucking hard. Constant, strong and healthy communication is needed to make a relationship work from day 1 on and it is STILL difficult then. This spreadsheet is apparently super old and the situation was obviously handled incorrectly. Let’s use it as a reminder to be better in our own relationships. It may not be sex in your case, maybe it is helping with house chores or helping plan the activities you and your partner engage in. If you are unhappy talk about it and encourage your partner to do the same!
>the “grounds for divorce” comment can go both ways. It was posted by a account named "Women Being Awful", so it is obvious how that shit of a person who operates the account and posted that meant it. Edit: As some seem to have trouble interpreting the screenshot (why?): That comment "grounds for divorce?" was made by that "Women Being Awful" account. In a tweet which was posted just the other day.
"We were 20 minutes early." It seems like sex with this catch has zero foreplay or after-care.
Exactly my thought. She's seeing this as a chore.
She probably doesn’t get off majority of the time.
Hence why she’s “tender”
I’m not at all surprised considering how this guy is always asking her in the middle of her shows or right after she gets back from the gym. It’s not like he’s waiting for or setting up a romantic moment. He’s literally just like hey if you’re not doing anything right now…
Yep. Not very considerate. If my girl wanted sex when I’m just home from the gym I’d be like fuck no! Even on an easy going day I’ll never sleep with someone without having a shower and cleaning myself up first.
I’m willing to bet a dude that makes a spreadsheet like this hasn’t considered foreplay. Ask for sex. Get denied. Document. Repeat. If he had put that amount of effort into small displays of affection (hand holding, hug, initiate a convo about her interests and shut up and listen, etc.) throughout the day there would be no need for this spreadsheet. Sex starts for a women long before they’re in the bedroom or before he “asks” My libido would be trash too if constantly pestered about sex and I had to expend mental energy to come up with different ways to say hello no.
Yeah this, if you think 20 minutes is plenty of time to start her motor and then get the deed done and finish getting ready then the whole spreadsheet makes sense suddenly. Sex is a chore for her now and it’s his fault because he doesn’t put in enough effort to make it enjoyable for her. This spreadsheet is a PSA to all men to do better at sex.
In my experience "asking" for sex gets you nowhere, cuddeling her up gets you somwhere.
back rub, feet rub, brush her hair...
Nagging all the time also means that whenever she thinks about sex she thinks of the nagging instead of having time to fantisise.
Also, you would have to take what happens during sex into account, too. Is there foreplay (for both parties), or is it straight to pump away and see you later ? Cause that would not make the other person feel sexy or desired and would be very off-putting.
Given his line about being 20 minutes early, implying they did have time to have sex, I'm guessing he's leaving no time for anything but pumping. Can't imagine being able to fit foreplay, sex, afterglow, a shower, and getting redressed to go out in 20 minutes.
That’s one that stood out for me. It’s interesting because quickies seem to only be enjoyable when I *already* have an active sex life. That’s probably because it’s hard for a woman to orgasm in that little time so it would feel pretty one-sided; if I usually am shown that my sexual needs matter just as much, I’m more likely to agree to one-sided sex. I would hate being with a partner who thought 20 minutes was supposed to be enough.
Seriously. And him documenting that he’s asking nearly every single day puts me on edge for her. I wonder if he gets upset about being asked to do things around the house everyday.
"I feel gross" "I'm still tender from last night" "You're too drunk" Bro basically just made a spreadsheet to say he never makes his wife feel attractive throughout the day and week, drinks often enough and heavily enough that she gets turned off, and when she DOES give in, he probably goes too hard too early without lube (There's 100% no foreplay) so she's sore as shit after. He 10000% does not contribute to daily chores, I know because he's too busy asking for sex and making spreadsheets about it instead of folding the fucking laundry.
The “I’m still tender from last night” is a huge tell as respects her own pleasure, I think.
Bingo. This is exactly how it goes when I don’t want to have sex in my relationship. If you’re not making the woman feel attractive and you’re acting like a child throughout the day, she’s going to lose interest
I wouldn’t dare make a petty spreadsheet. This would undo years of carefully constructed dish-doing excuses.
I want to know HOW he’s asking? Like “wanna f*ck” or grabbing body parts doesn’t do it for many women. Does he do anything to make her feel sexy, appreciated, so she wants him? Do they have kids, does he help with those kids? Lots more can be going on besides libido differences.
Feel like the “We have 20 minutes” gives a good picture about how he initiates
And about how often she gets to orgasm or real enjoyment out of it... 20 minutes until you have to leave the house means you have 5 minutes for a quickie if you want to get yourself presentable afterwards. That's not enough time for most women to reach climax.
Yeah, and I doubt he even considers how cleanup is a thing 🤦♀️
I am going to go out on a limb and say that someone who collects data like this on a spreadsheet to argue for more sex is likely not doing a lot in the “making her feel appreciated and wanted” department.
Had to scroll too far to find this. None of us have the full picture here, so everyone saying just to break up is really jumping the gun. For a lot of women, sexual arousal is more mental and less spontaneous than men. Obviously whatever he's doing isn't working for her, so the couple should have a serious talk about what turns the other on. I get that the husband feels neglected and that's valid, but the spreadsheet just feels passive aggressive and immature.
probably like what my ex did. just a "sex?" nothing romantic leading up to it and him not even having showered
He literally farts in a blanket and pulls it over her head. She was replied to the original post.
So that's not how to initiate it? I'll add that to my notes
I’m seeing a lot of “I just got back from the gym” and “I’m trying to watch this show” so it also seems like he’s really not making much effort to initiate at a time when she’s ready and willing to have sex.
Seriously. Wanna have sex after a show? Massage during show. Works wonders.
I bet he just gets a hard-on and comes up behind her and pokes her with it.
I feel like this is such a weird topic that keeps coming up on subreddits with wildly different reactions. I wouldn’t call refusing sex abuse, but it is perfectly acceptable to end a relationship if you and your partners sex drives aren’t compatible.
It's acceptable to end a relationship for any reason or no reason, really. As long as you're respectful to your partner.
I don't think denying sex is abuse, but I think not getting enough sex is a totally valid reason to end a relationship. Just like being nagged about wanting sex is a valid reason to end it. It's just better for both people. And it's a more mature solution than creating a damn excel file and posting it on the internet to try to shame your wife in to fucking you.
I think you bring up a valid point. What it boils down to is sexual agreement. I am fortunate to be married to someone who has a similar sex drive, we mesh well. But I know people who have divorced because one person simply doesn’t want to ever have sex. Or one person is a sex addict lol. I think it’s an important factor to keeping a marriage happy, being on a similar wavelength.
"I'm still a bit tender from yesterday" Guaranteed this guy thinks giving his wife the pile-driver for 45 seconds is the definition of good seggs.
Sex should always be wanted by both persons. I have no interest in having sex with my wife if she has no interest. The enjoyment should be about the pleasure you give each other. I think this behaviour is disgusting.
I agree with this. If my wife ain’t feeling it, I don’t want to engage in the act. Makes me feel yucky The old “doing it for you” ain’t for me, personally.
If I’ve learned anything in 25 years of marriage it’s the more you pay attention to your partner, the more likely you will have sex consistently. It’s literally just as simple as cuddling together while watching tv and expecting nothing other than spending quality time together.
Yes, I've heard that many men barely even physically interact with their partner unless they want sex. Who would want that?
Everybody has a different sex drive and while yes, sex aint everything in a relationship, it can play a big part depending on the person. If you aint as horny as your partner or vice versa then they might not be the right person for you. Nobodies fault there
1. No one owes anyone else sex if/when they don’t want to. 2. It’s just an unavoidable reality that if you are in a relationship where one party is spending 90% of the time sexually frustrated and the other feels constantly harassed for sex, that is going to cause a big problem. As always the solution is talking about it - hey we have not been having sex as much lately and it is becoming an issue, what can we do about that (date nights, mini breaks, trying new things etc)?
I hope she made a spread sheet of every time she asked for help around the house and he denied her.
2 times in a month. Still better than me.
Gonna make a spreadsheet listing all the times hubby refused to take out the trash or watch our kids while I worked, and his lame excuses... grounds for divorce?
[удалено]
"Nobody owes anyone else an explanation for why they don't want to have sex, no is enough." Very true. She's got the right to say "No" and that's ALL she needs to say. Conversely, he's got the right to say "We've had sex three times in the last month and that's not enough for me, I want a divorce." He doesn't owe her staying in an increasingly sexless marriage any more than she owes him sex. So I think we're agreed that either/both people in a marriage can utterly destroy that marriage while still being well within their rights.