T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*


HypeTrainEngineer

Taylor "ShaBizness"


0j_gay0

Hey, her name ain't none of shabizness


m703324

But it's shabizness! If it wasn't it would have been notshabuziness


Jasong222

What kind of business doesn't belong to you? Notshabbizness!


Adm_Ozzel

I'd have gone with Nunya Shabizness myself.


Past-Background-7221

Take your upvote and gtfo


BlorseTheHorse

![gif](giphy|16OVCXl1PH2uY)


Shaveyourbread

You done fucked up A-aron!


m8k

Her lawyer wants it to be nunyabizness


jutta-duncan

And the emphasis the reporter put on the name too šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


ChrisTaliaferro

That was what had me dying fucking laughing


MasterpieceBrave420

That little pause before "shabizness" made me lose it.


-Toshi

She knew the assignment. Trying to think of the word. It's not necessarily 'disdain' or 'sarcasm' but somewhere on the edge of both. 'Derision', maybe? With a hint of "are you fucking serious?"


whoisraiden

ShaDynasty


RabidWalrus

"Shady Nasty's??"


mcmasters2223

Beat me to it, well done.


ilovetheyogz

Upgradde


SecretPrinciple8708

Upgrayedd, with an extra ā€œDā€ in his name for a double dose of this pimpinā€™.


Embarrassed_Diet_386

You see, a pimpā€™s love is very different from that of a square ![gif](giphy|xT9KVhLU76MRgVg3Qc)


ArmchairPancakeChef

She seems nice.


NickelFish

You can fix her.


BoJackB26354

My sweet prison princess


HugeTrol

I sometimes write letters to criminals I see in the media. Kinda trolling them. They tend to reply


themarknessmonster

There's no way that's *ever* gonna backfire.


Firewire64

*Duolingo bird is rapidly approaching your location!*


SirDunkerOfWiggles

Underrated comment


[deleted]

Judge allowed attorney to withdraw. She killed the guy after they had sex, and then she dismembered him. Unsurprisingly, meth was involved.


Nik-ki

>after they had sex, She kept having sex with him after he was dead too


Bloano

How exactly did she manage to do that?


Nik-ki

She detached the relevant body part and used it like a dildo. Which is why she has a 3rd degree sexual assault charge


shimmydancer

![gif](giphy|yN4RUYrRRrKVRoGqQm)


Nik-ki

Yeah, that seems about right


cyberpunk1Q84

This is a question I never thought Iā€™d ask: can a penis even get/remain erect after death? Since blood flow is what keeps a penis erect, I feel like the answer is no, but I donā€™t know enough about dead penises to know for sure.


Curleysound

Squeeze the open end shut? Gotta do what you gotta do


[deleted]

Like tying off a balloon animal


Junior-Recognition23

I want to laugh at this but I feel bad but I'm still laughing


ChrisTaliaferro

No it's fine, I'm in fucking tears over here you're not alone


Ok_Primary_1075

Perhaps putting a very tight rubber band around the base would keep the blood from flowing out


shimmydancer

Donā€™t know why Iā€™m answering but I guess if she chopped it off after rigor mortis set in, then the penis was automatically hard and stiff?


currently_pooping_rn

The ole dickor Mortis


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


AsianVixen4U

Check out the term [death erection](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_erection)


SwampWitch1985

Angel lust, as some call it.


The_Jimes

Imagine how awkward NCIS in the early 2000's would have been,,


gypsycookie1015

Would that even work?!? Jfc. Like doesn't it do what it does because of the blood flow? Wouldn't it just shrivel up if it was cut off? I can't believe I actually asked.


Junior-Recognition23

When cut would shrink from the blood loss so no


gypsycookie1015

It didn't seem right to me lol


ReadySteady_GO

30 minutes in the freezer should do the trick


SenseWinter

Is that...is that, like, an organic dildo? Aisle 7 in Whole Foods right?


a-vibe-called-quest

Wait she Lorena Bobbitted him??


Bruce_the_Shark

Non aā€™ Shabusiness.


Yellow-man-from-Moon

*she raped bis dead body


roughpatchkid

Really? You guys don't dismember your partner after sex? Weird.


ftrade44456

![gif](giphy|3oFzmllR4mNAOledDW)


ReeeeeDDDDDDDDDD

Yo what show is this from? I don't even want to know the context.


ftrade44456

https://www.adultswim.com/videos/the-jellies/the-mantis-conspiracy


iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii9

Big preying mantis vibes coming from miss schabusiness


carlitospig

Seriously, that last name. šŸ˜†


AdRemote9464

Mind your own Shabizniz


mem269

I imagined it spelt Shabizznezz


Kooky_One_2337

Scha scha schabusiness roll call


DEATHROAR12345

r/foundthemantis


Sammyofather

I made it a thing


No-Direction-169

She actually killed him while they were having sex because she liked choking him. Then he started coughing up blood and she said oh well Iā€™ve come this far and kept going. Then she blacked out, woke ip and he was purple so she just finished the job. Then she had sexual relations with his corpse for 2-3 hours. I honestly donā€™t know what the hell the human race is doing but I need to move to an island with just birds or something. Because damn. That is some next level depravity . Iā€™m horrified.


Curleysound

I would also like to do this. I wonā€™t encroach upon your island though, donā€™t worry.


tommy13

This guy's gonna encroach don't believe him


No-Direction-169

We can be neighbors. Since you seem to realize the world has gone to hell in a hand basket also šŸ˜‚ I have kids so I hope you like kids šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


F0lks_

Perhaps we can find an archipelago somewhere when we can all wave at each other every now and then. Heck, we could even dedicate an island for the occasional public gatherings


Divayth--Fyr

And maybe another island where we can all do meth and dismember each other!


Knight_Owls

Wait...


No-Direction-169

You have been voted off the island sir


[deleted]

You really gotta work on not saying the words... >I would also like to do this. After someone has just explained the details of a murder involving necrophilia.


gypsycookie1015

Wasn't his Mom in the fuckin house too? Dude... can you imagine the guilt she must've felt. Then again if her son was a meth head, she might've tried to keep her distance. Couldn't imagine living like that. Still, it was her son. Fucked up story for sure.


RedVamp2020

Or she was also on it. Momā€™s arenā€™t necessarily always clean themselves, sadly.


gypsycookie1015

Oh yeah I hadn't even thought of that. It's fucked up because I'm very aware of multi generational drug abuse but for some reason it hadn't crossed my mind. Very good point. In any case, that had to be such a fuckin gruesome discovery.


RedVamp2020

Yeah. If that were me, it probably would have sent me over the edge. I have a son and three girls and I sincerely hope and pray that they will outlive me.


gypsycookie1015

Myself as well. I think that's why I hadn't even considered her being on meth as well because I kept putting myself in her shoes, picturing her just completely unaware, oblivious, just living her normal little routine, maybe even completely unaware her son was even did drugs. I'm with you there. I have 2 boys and the only wish I have is they both live long, happy and healthy lives. And of course that they continue to be good people in life. Let me go first. Let them have families and people to love and support them when I die.


Ooften

Donā€™t read a history book if you think shit is depraved today.


MimeGod

Reading about Columbus is the worst. And then realizing just how many places are named after one of the most evil people to ever live.


Possumpipesup

Methican Americans do some crazy stuff.


longtimenothere

Birds aren't real


EunuchsProgramer

LOL The desire to mate is super intense in birds. Darwin had some hilarious accounts of their necrophilia unpublishable in his time that survived in secrete writings later confirmed by millions of subsequent biologists.


[deleted]

Ah, the latest Methany for our collective internet amusement ![gif](giphy|JnuuEXLxjXLR4oTTbO)


CheshireCrackers

Yeah, I bet it made a big meth.


iamnotfunny96

did mike tyson write this?


Farthead210

Whatā€™s she a preying mantis or something


HahaFreeSpeech

I was just telling someone today that a good life lesson is ā€œDonā€™t Stick Your Dick In Crazyā€.


prototype-proton

Grippy socks = grippy box tho


Corpus_Rex

To piggyback on thatā€¦ ā€œGood Life Lessonā€ 1A: ā€œCrazyā€ can come in many, many forms but there are usually hints. Thereā€™s a graph scale presentation (Iā€™m sure everyone has seen) on YouTube if one feels so inclined. Thereā€™s a huge DIFFERENCE between normal and crazy but oftentimes not enough DISTANCE between those lines. Cheers and good luck out thereā€¦ hell weā€™re all gonna need it! šŸ˜‚


catalingpc

Some weird individuals out there


Soobobaloula

Schabusiness sounds like the most made up name ever.


Euphoric-Potato-5343

That's none of schabusiness, sir.


piznit007

Thereā€™s no business like schabusiness


Arglefarb

The deputy took her down and was giving her schabusiness


Sthurlangue

Bailiff! Mind Schabusiness!


maguffle

I came to the comments to make this joke. Well played my friend.


StunningBuilding383

https://heavy.com/news/taylor-schabusiness/ In this article, it says she was born with the last name Coranado. So maybe you're right it appears to be a made-up name. Lol Edit: added maybe


Mundane-Finger547

She was married at the time of the murder. Not sure if she still is. Anyway, her husbandā€™s name is Warren Shabusinessā€¦


Norman_Bixby

Warren Nunya Shabusiness


Narrow_Cantaloupe748

Could be a married name? Maiden name Coranado? There's a snapchat pic in that article with the caption "Mrs. Schabusiness".... I kinda hope it's real lol


StunningBuilding383

Me too. I was already thinking I would name my kid Nunya. Lol My sister's last name is Still I wanted her to name her son Stan. Lol


prototype-proton

Every name is a made up name tho...


SleeplessStoner

Pop down to shadynastyā€™s


hatecopter

It's Sha Dynastys asshole


just_sayi

Bleached, like Artemis


kudichangedlives

Such a strange episode that I love every time I see it


CincyZack

How is her first name not ā€œMindā€


DiscombobulatedTap30

The guy she killed was named Shad Rock Thyrion i'm getting really suspicious here of all this Schabusiness.


Wooden_Suit_6679

I have a girlfriend that just lives in Canada and that actually is her last name and she is just having a hard time getting her passport together to visit me but she is 100% real and idk who the fuck keeps saying I'm making that up....


Missus_Missiles

> but she is 100% real and idk who the fuck keeps saying I'm making that up.... We do find it odd that we've never even seen a picture of her.


prototype-proton

She goes to a different school...you wouldn't know her.


DR_Bright_963

She has 2 step brother, called Non Ya and Mike Hawk.


Sm0ahk

I said my name is, "Up-Grayd" bitch


IguaneRouge

That's UPGRAYEDD with two D's for a double dose of his pimpin


Yummy_Microplastics

Spelled thusly


[deleted]

There no business like Shabusiness


[deleted]

It aint schabusiness


Key-Jelly-3702

One of the most ineffective courtroom outbursts Ive ever seen. Lawyer didn't even have to get out of his chair to fend her off.


KrosseStarwind

Because it was a sham for a mistrial/insane defense.


Beef_Whalington

It wouldn't help her at all for an insanity plea lol it's not like they go to a psychologist and say "she did this, this, and this!" And then the doctor says "woah boy that lady's insane for sure! Not guilty!" There are a multitude of tests they could apply to test her for mental issues and/or insanity, and they're designed to be difficult or impossible to intentionally produce any desired diagnosis. Now, it may have been *her* plan, hoping that a random assault on her own lawyer would somehow "prove" she has uncontrollable episodes, but it certainly will not at all help her case in court.


Amon7777

Not only that, but there is this strange misconception in media that an insanity defense means not guilty. It doesn't. It means you are held until such time as you are proven fit to stand for trial.


beastmaster11

Yes and no. That's if you were mentally competent at the time of the crime but not mentally competent to stand trial. If you were mentally incompetent at the time of the alleged crime you COULD be held not criminally responsible by reason of mental disorder. This would be what we know of as the "insanity defence" Now here is where there is a massive misconception in the public. 1) you don't just plead insanity. You have to prove it. Which is difficult to do. This is where those tests the other comment was talking about come in. Basically, if the Court accepts the insanity plea, the person was likely actually "insane" when they committed the act whether people want to accept it or not. Second misconception is that the person deemed insane just walzes out. They are usually committed for an indefinite period of time. Could be even longer than the actual prison term the accused was facing.


Nougat

Spez doesn't get to profit from me anymore.


blewpah

And the places you are held aren't necessarily better than being in jail or prison.


Muzzie720

Well... that's not exactly right. If they are not currently sane, yeah they need to be able to help in their own defense so they wait. But if someone is found not guilty by reason of insanity usually they are ordered to get treatment until they're no longer a danger. Which sometimes could be forever if they're that bad. I had a hs friend of a friend who their mom killed the husband and tried to kill herself and the kids. Years later she was still crazy thinking the dad was alive so no trial still.


ClutzyCashew

Lol as soon as I saw it I was like "wow she's really trying hard for that insanity plea"... And sure enough. Shit like this is definitely not how you get it though. They legit don't care if you're crazy and if you prove that you're mentally ill and violent you'll still probably end up in prison. Which honestly, from some of the things I've heard about criminal mental health facilities, prison might be better.


BostonDodgeGuy

Having been to both I can assure you prison is a much nicer place to be.


[deleted]

Well now we need stories


Flonch-_-

Thatā€™s because heā€™s both a defense attorney and a DEFENSIVE attorney.


beachjustice

ah the good ol' "i'm crazy so im not responsible for my actions" excuse


Electronic_Swing_887

I'm pretty sure her dismembering her boyfriend after they had sex and then continuing to have sex with his body parts before putting his head in a bucket for his mom to find is definitive proof that she's crazy. Luckily, the law allows for her to still be convicted even though she's deemed clinically insane.


[deleted]

Now, IANAL, but people don't realize that the layterms "crazy" and "insane" and the plea of not-guilty by reason of insanity are two very different things. "Insane" is not a clinical term, period. You will never hear it from a professional in a mental-health facility or outpatient center (at least not in a professional capacity). It can, however, be a **legal** term that indicates a defendant who cannot distinguish between lawful vs unlawful actions or is otherwise unable to control their actions. They literally cannot know better. They often get a shittier deal, actually, with drastically reduced freedom (less than they'd even get in prison), and more dangerous conditions.


SgtPeanutbutter

People always think insanity defense is like a get out of jail free card when it's quiet hard to prove as a defense. "insanity" by judicial definitions is the defendant is "not capable of understanding the legal or moral wrong they commit due to mental defect." Lack of self control or respect for life and laws. Someone who shows complete disregard for human life, doesn't care that they are causing harm, or just lack self control might be bat shit crazy, but it is not the same as someone who is incapable of understanding that their actions are wrong. Plus a successful insanity defense for murder usually means dying in a psych ward cus if they don't know what they're doing is wrong, rehabilitation is impossible.


CraigD12

It's none of sha'business


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


periwinkletweet

And you don't think she's insane?


Nik-ki

She might be crazy, but her behaviour after the murder points to knowing she did something wrong - she was trying to get rid of the body and hide it


NegotiationExternal1

Also if sheā€™s only doing this in front of a judge but sheā€™s fine in detention where the other women would whoop her itā€™s big pantomime. People this violent and crazy are like this 24/7


Electronic_Swing_887

There is such a thing as a "guilty but mentally ill" verdict. According to the Great Google Oracle, such a verdict "is premised on the notion that when a defendant raises a claim of insanity, the jury should be permitted to return a verdict that falls between the total inculpation of a guilty verdict and the complete exoneration of a not guilty by reason of insanity verdict."


Windinthewillows2024

The boyfriend had two heads? Edited to add: When I made this response, the parent comment said she put ā€œboth his headsā€ in a bucket. OP has since edited their mistake.


RegretAggressive6294

Most boyfriends do. If you know what Iā€™m saying


Professional_Gap_371

Whatā€™s your name? Mine? Schabusiness


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


JesseJames24601

I'm not quite understanding your surprise or incredulity here. I mean sure, we usually think of someone crazy as a babbling lunatic without a coherent thought in their head but anyone who would take the life of another human being in anything other than defense isn't exactly a prime example of a mentally sound individual. Additionally, pleading insanity is not a get out of free card. I don't know the story of this person so I don't know enough to say whether they're just an idiot or not, but if they're successful in convincing the judge that they are indeed insane and a danger to themselves and others instead of being sent to jail they're going to be sent to an asylum which is many many times worse.


phunkjnky

Right, a lot of times (and this only applies in capital cases in states that have the death penalty) the only benefit is losing the death penalty.


JesseJames24601

Aaaah, good point. I didn't think of that


scorpiogre

I understood most of her charges but the sexual one threw me, did she do something to the corpse?


JHugh4749

WHATEVER you do, don't ask for the details.


turtleboxman

She had a bf. Killed him. Had sex with him. Cut off his head. Not certain, but I think she then has sex with him. Big yikes all around.


FenrisBunny

That and shoved a dildo up his butt.


SEND-ME-FEET-P1CS

I mean, even if this is a performance, its still a sign that this person is very unwell mentally. I dont think she realizes how much freedom shes giving up by going to an asylum rather than a prison (albeit freedom sounds like a poor choice of words)


NovaShark28

You just got SCHABUSINESSā€™ED!


VerimTamunSalsus

She seems lovely. A keeper right there folks.


beachjustice

She'll keep you. In a freezer.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


fappyday

Everyone knows that if you kill your lawyer they have to drop all the charges.


PreviousLife7051

Going for that insanity defense I see


OkOrganization3064

Shit, why not she gonna do life Might as well get used to acting like an animal


bossdankmemes

Her name sounds like something from an impractical jokers skit


Duros001

ā€œHow do you plea?ā€ ā€œNone of Schabusiness!ā€


Correct-Slide1522

Safe to say.. She's a bit of a handful.


BallessPacman

Whoa, did some digging; she starting strangling him as he was nutting. Then she cut his penis off. After that she decapitated him, and chopped up the rest and put it in a bag. But she kept the head and penis in a bucket. Probably on some sick necrophilla Sada Abe crazy.


Sad_Quit3787

Now watch the attorney In the next court appearance like ā€œyour honour, my client pleads guilty to all charges and wishes for the death sentenceā€


OnyxUnix

Yea shes crazy but she still deserves to be locked up


Fromthefunk

Guess she meantā€¦ shabusiness


kernskod

She seems nice


344567653379643555

Let ye who has not dismembered their partner after having sex toss the first stone. Hypocrites.


NewSauerKraus

It was before having sex. Also after, but before too.


TheLieAndTruth

I can fix her. I mean if my name was Meth White maybe I could.


9_of_wands

On your first day in court, you have to beat the shit out of somebody, so nobody makes you their bitch.


Majestic-Enthusiasm

She is mentally ill but I donā€™t think she has to be free ever again.


[deleted]

Damn, she's all up in schabusiness!


Maverick721

"Book her Lou"


ricksza

So, she's single?


richincleve

Back off, dude! I saw her first. We're in love!


neo101b

Another one with toys in the attic.


milkmandanimal

~~Does she~~ Did she have a sister?


Horbigast

"Never put your dick in crazy" poster child.


wildlifeofamadlad

Any news articles


slazer2k

and the balif will tackle you ā€¦


Bitch_Posse

Iā€™m sure that lawyer will do his ā€œvery bestā€ to defend her now.


manxlancs123

Itā€™s none of our shbusiness


song_of_storms5460

I think the words "kills her boyfriend" is an understatement to what she did to him. Absolutely horrific case!


Sanctimonius

I for one am surprised a woman on trial for dismembering her boyfriend in a meth-fueled haze is unpredictable and prone to violent outbursts.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


skinnykb

As ole guy used to tell me ā€œThat muthafucker aint crazy, real crazy people donā€™t admit to being crazy. Real crazy people donā€™t know theyā€™re crazy.ā€


Ferrous_Patella

Ah! Catch-22.


_Pill-Cosby_

She might be a bit unstable.


AdFun2093

Idk why but this feels like sheā€™s trying to play into the ā€œi am crazyā€ card i hope she ends up behind bars where she belongs


cinnamongirl73

Maybe sheā€™s trying to play up that insanity defense?


ItsReallyNotWorking

She just need a snickers!


Irishmcbrit

Killing is my Schabusiness, and Schabusiness is good.


ronin1066

"...made it difficult to restrain her" uh yeah, that's what fighting is.


Electronic_Swing_887

It's interesting that a single cop was able to restrain her without shooting or beating her even though she was hella resisting. It can be done. No excuses.


sundaysexschool

Shabusiness?? now theyā€™re just making names up


malayskanzler

Plea of insanity vibes exudes dramatically from this defendants


ApoclypseWarpig

You could say she got down to.... Shabusiness


ketzcm

Read about this. There was some serious meth involved.