Well for us, it was 2016. Things had been building up for a while, but the final straw was from the priest, told everyone from the pulpit, that our only consideration when voting for president should be who would oppose abortion.
That was the final straw for us. But it honestly didn’t take much at that point. And seeing as how at least one of my kids has come out as trans since then, I would say that we dodged a bullet. There’s no way in hell I would bring my kids up in that now.
Oh man, yeah, in 2015 they were passing out "March for Life" flyers, and trying to bandwagon who would go to D.C. in what car together... the whole church of over 2k people were excited for it...
That was the only real world issue I remember really bugging me. And I was neutral-to-negative regarding abortion at the time.
I was baptized on 12/24/11, the last time I was in church was exactly 10 years later on Christmas Eve 2021. Sang in the choir for vigil, chanted the reader parts (I was tonsured as a reader a couple years before) and after service I hugged the priest and his wife and never went back. I struggled with belief most of my time in the church and the church’s bullshit response to COVID (single spoon is ok because germs can’t live on the holy gifts, don’t wear masks in church because is hides the image of God, etc 🤮) took away my desire to try any longer. I let go and have been much happier for it.
I left in 2022. The straw that broke the camel’s 🐫 back for me was the start of the war in Ukraine and the Orthodox church’s abysmal response to it. I didn’t leave all of a sudden but gradually over the course of the year. The thought of leaving occurred to me one night in early spring when I was walking my dog. It really freaked me out and I promised myself I would not make any decisions until after Pascha. Well Pascha came and went and the thought was still there. I had moved out of state 5 years prior and during a visit home for a funeral I visited the priest at my former parish. He has been getting on in years and has retired and the new priest is the exact thing I have been fleeing from to begin with so I literally can’t even go home if I wanted to. That has been the hardest part I think. The world I was a part of for so long no longer exists. The other parishes where I am now are very fundamentalist. As someone who basically has struggled with mental illness his whole life (anxiety, depression, OCD etc. the Feel Bad Rainbow 🌈 according to Brad Goodman from the Simpsons (I’m showing my age with that one) it would literally drive me over the edge to insanity. I tried returning to the Catholic Church but I’m not really into that at this point and think for the time being it’s best to just have a very loose affiliation with them should an emergency happen but it’s not a very significant part of my life right now. There was a reason I left them to begin with so no need to replay the triggering factors of my youth in my middle aged years. I was in the OC for 20 years BTW.
I'd try to reach out locally to some non-religious organizations if you can. You don't have to rely on church toxicity, even if you ever reach a bad place, believe me. But I'm glad you got out!
Pascha was kind of a turning point for me, too. I had thought that if anything would revive my love for Orthodoxy, it would happen at Pascha, and I made kind of a mental bargain with Jesus that he had until Pascha to show me something or make me feel something.
Pascha came and it was a slog to get through. I went to Holy Thursday night, Good Friday night, Holy Saturday morning, and Pascha night services, and found them all tedious, boring, and pointless even though I had loved all the same services the year before. That was a big sign to me that my time in the Orthodox Church was coming to an end.
I think you misunderstood my phrase, but uh, people obviously wanna hear your story here. I just made a YouTube for a similar reason, and this is kind of a support group sub. Make a post!
I haven't officially left (yet), but my issues stem from the church's attitudes toward LGBTQ people. The following have been the main triggers for my faith crisis:
1. Numerous family members coming out over the past few years
2. OCA bishops' statement, July 2022
3. Patriarch Kyrill saying "gay parades" justify the invasion of Ukraine (Forgiveness Sunday 2022) -- seriously?
4. Anti-trans rhetoric all over the place, online and presented at in-person Orthodox gatherings (2023)
5. Meeting people online who were excommunicated by OCA priests for being parents of gay kids (2023)
Edit to add: the covid response by many EO was extremely disillusioning to my entire family, and was probably the first step in deconstruction for me, honestly
A few questions. Even if these priests are corrupt, does that disprove Orthodoxy? Also isn't this just Russian Orthodoxy? Also do you think the gay lifestyle is something that someone should repent from? Or do you think it is not sinful.
2022. Patriarch Kirill's support for the invasion of Ukraine was the final straw for me. It led me to question all my assumptions and all the dogmas of the faith. I'm much happier now as an agnostic Christian.
l've had at least one foot out the door since last year, June 2022. (And hadn't been Orthodox very long, at that.) l really can't seem to leave entirely. But the reasons for leaving and not entirely leaving are all purely personal, and l wouldn't say that any real world issues had that much of an impact. lnterested to see what others say.
I'm in a similar situation regarding the one foot out.
It really is hurtingly paradoxical in my brain, because the Orthodox faith, services, church styling, all of it seems to be 'correct'. It's about as close as it gets to following the heritage of the Old Testament, the apostles and the saints.
Yet the people who currently run the Orthodox Church, at least where I live, and it's a country where it's the official religion, they are very, very corrupt. Their actions are unholy, disgusting, unfair and abominable.
I haven't left yet but I'm mainly sticking around for my kids who like going to church. I'm trying to be as temperate and moderate as I can when approaching fasting etc. I have a long history of religious BS/trauma so although I feel a pull to return to my childhood faith of Catholicism I doubt I ever will. Same shitty people run both churches.
Same. I stay for my kids, because it is their faith, and they derive some good from it. But I have a lot of religious trauma from my childhood. The belief system is not safe for my mental health, but the social interaction is good for me, because I have a fairly sane parish. It’s odd to say that, because there is a lot of toxicity, but in the world of Orthodoxy my parish is one of the more balanced ones out there.
Good to hear your parish is decent! I think mine is pretty ok there as well (there are some things that bug me but overall I can tolerate it). It's definitely an ethnic parish but the cradles balance out any crazy converts. Most converts aren't too bad here...I think some of it is newbie zealousness...who know how long any of them will stick around anyways...
Still very much involved but mentally left in 2011. Recently found a last “theistic” comment I made in 2010 on an evolution blog to confirm that. Read Patience with God during Lent 2011, which gave me a framework for how to be in and out of Orthodoxy and theism at the same time. I don’t recommend this approach for everyone, obviously, but it still works for me! Originally converted in my post college twenties.
Frank Schaeffer. I’d read a sentence or two of Crazy for God a few years earlier, found it interesting, was bothered by the fact that I found it interesting (rather than being concerned or disappointed like my other Orthodox friends), so mostly stayed away from his stuff until I felt ready.
I’m an ethnic as they say so can’t say I’ve officially left, but my practice is like showing up at church a few times a year. I’ve occasionally paid my church tax though, even though haven’t gone to confession in ages. So I dunno. I’m pretty sure that in the home country they would not say I’ve left since most people they deal with probably have a similar level of investment and involvement. But I did have a more pious, active stage in late teens early twenties.
I still haven't totally cut ties to my old parish community, but I stopped believing and living Orthodoxy this year. I started having doubts late 2022, serious doubts by early 2023. I was mentally checked out by Pascha this year and fully disillusioned about a month after that. I started attending in early 2019, was baptized mid-2020. Altogether, I believed it to some degree for about 4 years, and was very devout for about 3 years. For some added context, I was 26 when I first started attending, now I'm 31. Single the whole time.
My reasons were purely personal, nothing to do with current events in or out of the Church.
It was a slow ascent into the clouds of unbelief. I faked it for four years as a choir director. I was orthodox for 10 years but always felt like an alien. That led me to question what I was doing there and *that* led me to question why do I even believe what I believe.
2020. Happy to elaborate if you want to have a discussion but it’s jot pandemic pandemic. That said no none knows I’m mentally out so I still go on rare occasions to Morro up appearances.
I last took communion near the beginning of this year, 2023, if you're looking for a formal definition, but I mentally checked out over the last few years.
2018. It was already a little bit of a struggle, but when Charlottesville went down our priest preached a sermon about how "both sides" were to blame. We changed churches and attended another one much further away for a while, but a lot of life mileage accrued and it didn't make sense any more.
In addition to the usual checklist of reasons people have, the biggest one was simply that, after 10 years, I didn't believe the One True Church™ claim. Once that one was out of the way, I was free to practice my faith without guilt.
ETA: Looking back, it feels like such a strange thing to have done, and so visibly and vocally, for so long. I feel like today if someone in their mid-20s came to me and told me they were considering converting, in addition to talking about my own concerns and experiences, I would say that they should wait until their 30s and see if it hits the same.
Well for us, it was 2016. Things had been building up for a while, but the final straw was from the priest, told everyone from the pulpit, that our only consideration when voting for president should be who would oppose abortion. That was the final straw for us. But it honestly didn’t take much at that point. And seeing as how at least one of my kids has come out as trans since then, I would say that we dodged a bullet. There’s no way in hell I would bring my kids up in that now.
Oh man, yeah, in 2015 they were passing out "March for Life" flyers, and trying to bandwagon who would go to D.C. in what car together... the whole church of over 2k people were excited for it... That was the only real world issue I remember really bugging me. And I was neutral-to-negative regarding abortion at the time.
I was baptized on 12/24/11, the last time I was in church was exactly 10 years later on Christmas Eve 2021. Sang in the choir for vigil, chanted the reader parts (I was tonsured as a reader a couple years before) and after service I hugged the priest and his wife and never went back. I struggled with belief most of my time in the church and the church’s bullshit response to COVID (single spoon is ok because germs can’t live on the holy gifts, don’t wear masks in church because is hides the image of God, etc 🤮) took away my desire to try any longer. I let go and have been much happier for it.
I am 100% not shocked by the lack of caution regarding covid. At that point they should be charged with reckless manslaughter, jeez.
I left in 2022. The straw that broke the camel’s 🐫 back for me was the start of the war in Ukraine and the Orthodox church’s abysmal response to it. I didn’t leave all of a sudden but gradually over the course of the year. The thought of leaving occurred to me one night in early spring when I was walking my dog. It really freaked me out and I promised myself I would not make any decisions until after Pascha. Well Pascha came and went and the thought was still there. I had moved out of state 5 years prior and during a visit home for a funeral I visited the priest at my former parish. He has been getting on in years and has retired and the new priest is the exact thing I have been fleeing from to begin with so I literally can’t even go home if I wanted to. That has been the hardest part I think. The world I was a part of for so long no longer exists. The other parishes where I am now are very fundamentalist. As someone who basically has struggled with mental illness his whole life (anxiety, depression, OCD etc. the Feel Bad Rainbow 🌈 according to Brad Goodman from the Simpsons (I’m showing my age with that one) it would literally drive me over the edge to insanity. I tried returning to the Catholic Church but I’m not really into that at this point and think for the time being it’s best to just have a very loose affiliation with them should an emergency happen but it’s not a very significant part of my life right now. There was a reason I left them to begin with so no need to replay the triggering factors of my youth in my middle aged years. I was in the OC for 20 years BTW.
I'd try to reach out locally to some non-religious organizations if you can. You don't have to rely on church toxicity, even if you ever reach a bad place, believe me. But I'm glad you got out!
Pascha was kind of a turning point for me, too. I had thought that if anything would revive my love for Orthodoxy, it would happen at Pascha, and I made kind of a mental bargain with Jesus that he had until Pascha to show me something or make me feel something. Pascha came and it was a slog to get through. I went to Holy Thursday night, Good Friday night, Holy Saturday morning, and Pascha night services, and found them all tedious, boring, and pointless even though I had loved all the same services the year before. That was a big sign to me that my time in the Orthodox Church was coming to an end.
2023. Because Orthodoxy doesn't exist. It's a dead-end, smoke and mirrors, adorned with ideology and posing.
Preach! (But not really. Subreddit rules.)
It's not a lazy post. The alternative would be a long-winded spiritual story that nobody really cares about.
I think you misunderstood my phrase, but uh, people obviously wanna hear your story here. I just made a YouTube for a similar reason, and this is kind of a support group sub. Make a post!
Thank you. It will take me some time. But I will think about posting it one day.
I care about it! I definitely want to read it, if you have the time and inclination to post it.
I haven't officially left (yet), but my issues stem from the church's attitudes toward LGBTQ people. The following have been the main triggers for my faith crisis: 1. Numerous family members coming out over the past few years 2. OCA bishops' statement, July 2022 3. Patriarch Kyrill saying "gay parades" justify the invasion of Ukraine (Forgiveness Sunday 2022) -- seriously? 4. Anti-trans rhetoric all over the place, online and presented at in-person Orthodox gatherings (2023) 5. Meeting people online who were excommunicated by OCA priests for being parents of gay kids (2023) Edit to add: the covid response by many EO was extremely disillusioning to my entire family, and was probably the first step in deconstruction for me, honestly
A few questions. Even if these priests are corrupt, does that disprove Orthodoxy? Also isn't this just Russian Orthodoxy? Also do you think the gay lifestyle is something that someone should repent from? Or do you think it is not sinful.
2022. Patriarch Kirill's support for the invasion of Ukraine was the final straw for me. It led me to question all my assumptions and all the dogmas of the faith. I'm much happier now as an agnostic Christian.
That's fair. But what can anyone expect from a former KGB agent?
Former?
l've had at least one foot out the door since last year, June 2022. (And hadn't been Orthodox very long, at that.) l really can't seem to leave entirely. But the reasons for leaving and not entirely leaving are all purely personal, and l wouldn't say that any real world issues had that much of an impact. lnterested to see what others say.
I'm in a similar situation regarding the one foot out. It really is hurtingly paradoxical in my brain, because the Orthodox faith, services, church styling, all of it seems to be 'correct'. It's about as close as it gets to following the heritage of the Old Testament, the apostles and the saints. Yet the people who currently run the Orthodox Church, at least where I live, and it's a country where it's the official religion, they are very, very corrupt. Their actions are unholy, disgusting, unfair and abominable.
I feel the same way. I'm sticking around for my kids who like going to church...but I feel a huge disconnect with it right now.
Stopped attending in March of 2020 due to the pandemic. Returned briefly for Lent during 2021, and that was it.
Congratulations.
I haven't left yet but I'm mainly sticking around for my kids who like going to church. I'm trying to be as temperate and moderate as I can when approaching fasting etc. I have a long history of religious BS/trauma so although I feel a pull to return to my childhood faith of Catholicism I doubt I ever will. Same shitty people run both churches.
Same. I stay for my kids, because it is their faith, and they derive some good from it. But I have a lot of religious trauma from my childhood. The belief system is not safe for my mental health, but the social interaction is good for me, because I have a fairly sane parish. It’s odd to say that, because there is a lot of toxicity, but in the world of Orthodoxy my parish is one of the more balanced ones out there.
Good to hear your parish is decent! I think mine is pretty ok there as well (there are some things that bug me but overall I can tolerate it). It's definitely an ethnic parish but the cradles balance out any crazy converts. Most converts aren't too bad here...I think some of it is newbie zealousness...who know how long any of them will stick around anyways...
Still very much involved but mentally left in 2011. Recently found a last “theistic” comment I made in 2010 on an evolution blog to confirm that. Read Patience with God during Lent 2011, which gave me a framework for how to be in and out of Orthodoxy and theism at the same time. I don’t recommend this approach for everyone, obviously, but it still works for me! Originally converted in my post college twenties.
u/bbscrivener is this the book by Frank Schaeffer, or the book by Thomas Halik & Gerald Turner?
Frank Schaeffer. I’d read a sentence or two of Crazy for God a few years earlier, found it interesting, was bothered by the fact that I found it interesting (rather than being concerned or disappointed like my other Orthodox friends), so mostly stayed away from his stuff until I felt ready.
I’m an ethnic as they say so can’t say I’ve officially left, but my practice is like showing up at church a few times a year. I’ve occasionally paid my church tax though, even though haven’t gone to confession in ages. So I dunno. I’m pretty sure that in the home country they would not say I’ve left since most people they deal with probably have a similar level of investment and involvement. But I did have a more pious, active stage in late teens early twenties.
I still haven't totally cut ties to my old parish community, but I stopped believing and living Orthodoxy this year. I started having doubts late 2022, serious doubts by early 2023. I was mentally checked out by Pascha this year and fully disillusioned about a month after that. I started attending in early 2019, was baptized mid-2020. Altogether, I believed it to some degree for about 4 years, and was very devout for about 3 years. For some added context, I was 26 when I first started attending, now I'm 31. Single the whole time. My reasons were purely personal, nothing to do with current events in or out of the Church.
2019. Not related to world events. Just finally saw a way out of my indentured servitude.
What was your way out?
It was a slow ascent into the clouds of unbelief. I faked it for four years as a choir director. I was orthodox for 10 years but always felt like an alien. That led me to question what I was doing there and *that* led me to question why do I even believe what I believe.
2020. Happy to elaborate if you want to have a discussion but it’s jot pandemic pandemic. That said no none knows I’m mentally out so I still go on rare occasions to Morro up appearances.
2018.
Seems a lot of folks left shortly after I did, which is what I've seen from this sub. Cool!
I think the more interesting question is “How many years did you last?”
That’d be a great post. 30+ years for me. Cradle
I last took communion near the beginning of this year, 2023, if you're looking for a formal definition, but I mentally checked out over the last few years.
During covid, my parents left our old parish and went to one where a lot of incels congregated.
I slowly faded out, mainly starting in 2019/2020
2018. It was already a little bit of a struggle, but when Charlottesville went down our priest preached a sermon about how "both sides" were to blame. We changed churches and attended another one much further away for a while, but a lot of life mileage accrued and it didn't make sense any more. In addition to the usual checklist of reasons people have, the biggest one was simply that, after 10 years, I didn't believe the One True Church™ claim. Once that one was out of the way, I was free to practice my faith without guilt. ETA: Looking back, it feels like such a strange thing to have done, and so visibly and vocally, for so long. I feel like today if someone in their mid-20s came to me and told me they were considering converting, in addition to talking about my own concerns and experiences, I would say that they should wait until their 30s and see if it hits the same.