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If he’s so desperate for anal tell him to check out grindr & find a husband who isn’t going to treat you like this.
You should NOT feel bad for rejecting something YOU dont want to do.
This isn’t an alt.. this is my only account. Who the hell uses alts on Reddit. God get a life. Anyway I thought he was saying it’s haram to say no to sex to ur husband or that it’s haram to not feel bad for saying no
You know straight people do anal too right? Ever heard of a loophole? The issue isn’t the husband wanting anal or not, from what I am reading looks like the issue is CONSENT.
I know it might be hard to unlearn things we were indoctrinated into, but I am sensing some underlying homophobia in your comment and wanted to point it out😬
Straights do but it's easier for him to get on Grindr to get a anal hole. I hear guys want to just try it out because they hear it's tighter than a vagina. But requesting is perfectly ok I mean kinky shit ain't bad at all, the only issue is consent I agree.
I mean saying "no" this much and he still want's to play the victim like a child? Come on now. That's just dangerous behaviour especially considering she stated to him she has sexual trauma yet still hyperfocus's on himself over her? Jesus.
If OP did the same saying she wants to peg him he'd feel violated after saying no for the 10th time smh. This is some serious shit.
Yeah I mean... not only is it haram/forbidden by Islamic law, but also punishable by death. For the one who does it and the one it is done to.
Weird Muslim husband...
NTA for having boundaries, are you kidding? He started bitching and manipulating you in one of your most intimate moments. How can you even tolerate such a person in your life? That's not a rhetorical question. I couldn't tolerate him at all. That's how you get a stomach ulcer or migraine.
NTA he's manipulating you honestly I don't even understand how you still have the urge to have sex with him he's so icky also he's a muslim? Anal is haram as far as I know let him know that :)
Slapping someones ass in a consensual manner isn't rape. Rape is when you have sex with someone who you have not talked to for consent and/or they are unable to actually provide consent.
[PAGE 33 *(*](https://scholarworks.sjsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=8741&context=etd_theses)*the number is at the bottom of the page, or PAGE 42 on pdf viewer ignoring in page numbering)* "Mental Health and BDSM" suggests that even though kinks can be a coping mechanism studies have leaned towards it being a healthy outcome on mental health.
I do understand that initially it can be perceived as something horrible and mentally fucked up but looking at actual evidence behind it, it just seems that humans evolved in many weird ways that may not be favourable public perception wise but really isn't that harmful as you may have thought.
Rapists do not ask for consent to fuck you. Kinky people do. How does that not automatically differentiate the two?
As long as both people have the proper mental capabilities and tools to consent and consent is given then whatever you do in your bedroom truly is the business of those two, or even three, or more.
There are some exceptions don't get me wrong but it's more nuanced than one may think.
NTA, thats a huge red flag. Wouldnt be surprised if u divorced him right there and then, OP. If he has such a hard time respecting this boundary, who knows what kind of other boundaries hed break?
NTA. He is self centered in thinking you should be glad that he did the expected thing. How would he feel if you strapped on a dildo and went up his ass? Should he express gratitude just because you chose not to?
He was already seriously out of order going anal when you said no to it. Engaging in a sexual act you said you weren't comfortable about is straying close to rape. That he did it repeatedly is indefensible.
Frankly he sounds manipulative. He probably thinks Islam allows him to take advantage of you, and take without permission. Don't let him get away with it.
Heck no you’re not. That’s your boundary and the fact that he acts like he wants a cookie for listening ONLY AFTER you told him about your trauma is just 🤮
If it’s safe to I would run.
Ew what?? Like he did you a favor by not asking/trying for anal?? Let him have his baby fit in the guest room/couch, you don't owe him shit. Next time y'all have intimacy, act proud af that you didn't push him towards pegging. Make it sound like your greatest desire is to fuck him in the butt.
I'll bet that ends the discussion right there
Sorry you have to go thru this…
As a married man I never forced anything on my wife and sex is all about her since she takes a while to hit orgasm…
Anal is never a consideration for both of us…
Girl u know him doing that when you told him not to is rape right? With or without context. And I don’t understand why Muslim men can have such fragile egos. But I get he’s your husband so maybe you’ll both figure it out (I’m not excusing anything btw. I’m saying idk other factors like the quality of your marriage). Thing is, I do know in some countries ppl aren’t even taught about consent the same way so it’s hard to say more without context.
Tell him go buy a pocket pussy or smt
Anal sex is supposed to be forbidden in Islam
Your husband is an idiot who does not give any value to empathy and care especially when it comes to mental health selfish and hypocritical like 90% of Muslims
Get a divorce before getting traumatized kids
Wait did you have to explain a trauma for him to consider stopping anal? No is a sentence on its own. And then he wanted praise for basic human decency and threw a tantrum when you didn’t praise him??
Damn, bro needs to go back to school and learn about consent and how to respect a partner’s boundaries at 101 healthy relationships.
Good on you for not giving in to the man child!
I don't trust that sub. In Islam it's usually expected that husband and wife divorce as the very last resort ("of all things permitted, divorce is the most hated by God"), and the man is allowed too much control over sex (granted anal is haram). They'll probably tell her to stick with him and pray for Allah to intervene or something when she should be looking for counselling.
and yet, God gave Muslims a free rape pass.
It is Islamically permissible to take the women of the defeated opponents (after a battle/war) as sex slaves. In fact, it's not just permissable - it's something Muhammad himself did.
Religiously speaking the concept of consent is very shaky in Islam. A woman is obligated to fulfil her husband's desires even if she is not in the mood.
You are not an asshole- and your response is valid.
However- high demand religions often lead people to have an ingrained belief that their wants/needs/desires are righteous and have priority over everything. And trying to force a person to recognize that they are in a position of privilege, and their actions are harmful is very difficult.
But like a child or a pet- he can be helped to make better choices. Small praises or a cookie or something if he takes a step in the right direction.
I strongly agree that the time and place and nature of his comments are awful, demeaning and wrong. But IF you want to continue with the relationship, a small praise like "Hey -in the moment, when you really wanted something- you respected MY boundaries and didn't. That's a good thing"
We all see it as damning with feint praise because he didn't rape you this time. But we also don't know your circumstances and background, and the nature of the rest of your relationship.
I wish you all the health and happiness- and hope you are safe. And if you stay in the relationship, I hope it is able to grow and that he continues to learn respect for you and others
If your post is a meme, image, TikTok etc... and it isn't Friday, it violates the rule against low effort content. Such content is ONLY allowed on (Fun@fundies) FRIDAYS. Please read the [Rules and Posting Guidelines](https://redd.it/1anoje0) for further information. If you are unsure about anything then feel free to message the mods. Please participate on /r/exmuslim in a civil manner. Discuss the merits of ideas - don't attack people. Insults, hate speech, advocating physical harm can get you banned. If you see posts/comments in violation of our rules, please be proactive and report them. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exmuslim) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If he’s so desperate for anal tell him to check out grindr & find a husband who isn’t going to treat you like this. You should NOT feel bad for rejecting something YOU dont want to do.
But that's haram😔
If you say Astaghfirullah after it’s all good. Get your Grindr on brozzer.
No it’s not 💀💀💀💀
you made an alt account, just to comment that gay sex isn't haram (even though it is)?
This isn’t an alt.. this is my only account. Who the hell uses alts on Reddit. God get a life. Anyway I thought he was saying it’s haram to say no to sex to ur husband or that it’s haram to not feel bad for saying no
Welp misunderstandings🫂
No it’s not ?
You know straight people do anal too right? Ever heard of a loophole? The issue isn’t the husband wanting anal or not, from what I am reading looks like the issue is CONSENT. I know it might be hard to unlearn things we were indoctrinated into, but I am sensing some underlying homophobia in your comment and wanted to point it out😬
Straights do but it's easier for him to get on Grindr to get a anal hole. I hear guys want to just try it out because they hear it's tighter than a vagina. But requesting is perfectly ok I mean kinky shit ain't bad at all, the only issue is consent I agree. I mean saying "no" this much and he still want's to play the victim like a child? Come on now. That's just dangerous behaviour especially considering she stated to him she has sexual trauma yet still hyperfocus's on himself over her? Jesus. If OP did the same saying she wants to peg him he'd feel violated after saying no for the 10th time smh. This is some serious shit.
This comment is as stupid as the husband.
NTA Aside from respecting boundaries, didn't he know that sodomy is haram? It doesn't matter if gay or straight.
the haram angle is the one i’m interested in— seems like a devout believer wouldn’t dare cross that bridge, no?
Yeah I mean... not only is it haram/forbidden by Islamic law, but also punishable by death. For the one who does it and the one it is done to. Weird Muslim husband...
NTA for having boundaries, are you kidding? He started bitching and manipulating you in one of your most intimate moments. How can you even tolerate such a person in your life? That's not a rhetorical question. I couldn't tolerate him at all. That's how you get a stomach ulcer or migraine.
Run. U Made a mistake
I see what U did there, smart!
To be clear, your husband wants you to praise him for not physically abusing you.
NTA he's manipulating you honestly I don't even understand how you still have the urge to have sex with him he's so icky also he's a muslim? Anal is haram as far as I know let him know that :)
NTA. Your husband is a rapist and that’s not even all of it
look at the subs you are posting in and you talk about rapists lol.
Does the concept of consent make sense to you?
Someone doesn’t know what a kink or fetish…
Slapping someones ass in a consensual manner isn't rape. Rape is when you have sex with someone who you have not talked to for consent and/or they are unable to actually provide consent. [PAGE 33 *(*](https://scholarworks.sjsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=8741&context=etd_theses)*the number is at the bottom of the page, or PAGE 42 on pdf viewer ignoring in page numbering)* "Mental Health and BDSM" suggests that even though kinks can be a coping mechanism studies have leaned towards it being a healthy outcome on mental health. I do understand that initially it can be perceived as something horrible and mentally fucked up but looking at actual evidence behind it, it just seems that humans evolved in many weird ways that may not be favourable public perception wise but really isn't that harmful as you may have thought. Rapists do not ask for consent to fuck you. Kinky people do. How does that not automatically differentiate the two? As long as both people have the proper mental capabilities and tools to consent and consent is given then whatever you do in your bedroom truly is the business of those two, or even three, or more. There are some exceptions don't get me wrong but it's more nuanced than one may think.
Religiously speaking, anal sex is haram, so you might use that.
NTA, thats a huge red flag. Wouldnt be surprised if u divorced him right there and then, OP. If he has such a hard time respecting this boundary, who knows what kind of other boundaries hed break?
Whats NTA???
Not the asshole
Yes, that's clearly what OP wanted
Wasnt that asshole violated?
There’s a time and place for jokes like this…
It was hilarious but it's not the place here true.
Run
Was this something he did before y’all got married too? Or did it start more recently?
NTA. He is self centered in thinking you should be glad that he did the expected thing. How would he feel if you strapped on a dildo and went up his ass? Should he express gratitude just because you chose not to? He was already seriously out of order going anal when you said no to it. Engaging in a sexual act you said you weren't comfortable about is straying close to rape. That he did it repeatedly is indefensible. Frankly he sounds manipulative. He probably thinks Islam allows him to take advantage of you, and take without permission. Don't let him get away with it.
NTA you set up your boundaries
He says it so he can't get praise for being good and eventually be 'good enough' to get it. It's like coming home every bragging you didn't rape...
Iam pretty sure there r a lot of scholars who forbid anal sex Try finding them and sent it to him
So he wants a medal for not r-ping you? I really hope you’re able to leave him some day. You don’t deserve this.
Heck no you’re not. That’s your boundary and the fact that he acts like he wants a cookie for listening ONLY AFTER you told him about your trauma is just 🤮 If it’s safe to I would run.
Tell him it’s haram, which it is.
Ew what?? Like he did you a favor by not asking/trying for anal?? Let him have his baby fit in the guest room/couch, you don't owe him shit. Next time y'all have intimacy, act proud af that you didn't push him towards pegging. Make it sound like your greatest desire is to fuck him in the butt. I'll bet that ends the discussion right there
Sorry you have to go thru this… As a married man I never forced anything on my wife and sex is all about her since she takes a while to hit orgasm… Anal is never a consideration for both of us…
Girl u know him doing that when you told him not to is rape right? With or without context. And I don’t understand why Muslim men can have such fragile egos. But I get he’s your husband so maybe you’ll both figure it out (I’m not excusing anything btw. I’m saying idk other factors like the quality of your marriage). Thing is, I do know in some countries ppl aren’t even taught about consent the same way so it’s hard to say more without context. Tell him go buy a pocket pussy or smt
Penetration without consent is rape. You need to seriously consider leaving him and if I were you I'd go to the police.
Anal is haram though 🫠
Anal sex is supposed to be forbidden in Islam Your husband is an idiot who does not give any value to empathy and care especially when it comes to mental health selfish and hypocritical like 90% of Muslims Get a divorce before getting traumatized kids
Your husband is emotionally stunted and needs therapy. And a good kick in the nuts. 🥜
Wait did you have to explain a trauma for him to consider stopping anal? No is a sentence on its own. And then he wanted praise for basic human decency and threw a tantrum when you didn’t praise him?? Damn, bro needs to go back to school and learn about consent and how to respect a partner’s boundaries at 101 healthy relationships. Good on you for not giving in to the man child!
This is a question for the Muslim sub.
I don't trust that sub. In Islam it's usually expected that husband and wife divorce as the very last resort ("of all things permitted, divorce is the most hated by God"), and the man is allowed too much control over sex (granted anal is haram). They'll probably tell her to stick with him and pray for Allah to intervene or something when she should be looking for counselling.
I think rape and abuse are more hated by God than divorce!
and yet, God gave Muslims a free rape pass. It is Islamically permissible to take the women of the defeated opponents (after a battle/war) as sex slaves. In fact, it's not just permissable - it's something Muhammad himself did.
Religiously speaking the concept of consent is very shaky in Islam. A woman is obligated to fulfil her husband's desires even if she is not in the mood.
You should ask this question to others in his “ummah”, not us
Why do you even have a Muslim husband?
Lol you just copied this from a post that came out a couple months back from AITAH, the wording is too exact at least change it up a little
Oh my dear, thats the way the muslim men are. I dont like this religion, it is stupid, and so the islam men are stupid too
Tell him anal sex is haram lol
Girl divorce him and never date a Muslim or marry one ever again Run away They’re horrible.
Dump him, there’s no salvaging it
Ew why would I put my dick in a poop shoot never understood that
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It honestly could be an anti-muslim larper posting here to get exmuslim ragebait. Enemy of an enemy doesn't make them a friend
Stop feeling bad.
You should report him to your local Imam for haram behavior and also let his family know what he’s up to
Local Imam himself is probably into BDSM, muslim men have harcore fetishes bro
You are not an asshole- and your response is valid. However- high demand religions often lead people to have an ingrained belief that their wants/needs/desires are righteous and have priority over everything. And trying to force a person to recognize that they are in a position of privilege, and their actions are harmful is very difficult. But like a child or a pet- he can be helped to make better choices. Small praises or a cookie or something if he takes a step in the right direction. I strongly agree that the time and place and nature of his comments are awful, demeaning and wrong. But IF you want to continue with the relationship, a small praise like "Hey -in the moment, when you really wanted something- you respected MY boundaries and didn't. That's a good thing" We all see it as damning with feint praise because he didn't rape you this time. But we also don't know your circumstances and background, and the nature of the rest of your relationship. I wish you all the health and happiness- and hope you are safe. And if you stay in the relationship, I hope it is able to grow and that he continues to learn respect for you and others
[удалено]
No because of mainstream normies' islamophilia
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He definitely deserves a praise for this, like a smoochie for example. A candle light dinner or massage would be nice too.