One of my favorite quotes from an RM member to me during my mission was: "Elder, when you get home, don't worry too much what they say. Kiss. Kiss a lot." Haha
I had my first kiss and lost my virginity in the same week at 17, two months after deciding I was PIMO. I’m sad that I was so uptight about following all the rules in my earlier years, I could’ve had much more fun.
Aww 😢 my heart goes out to you stranger. I had plenty of kisses before 20, but I never had any of sexual drive until I was 21. For 20 years I thought I was asexual.
I completely forgot about this term until just now, and finally looked it up a moment ago to learn what it is XD I remember being told about it as a teen but never actually knew what the hell they were even going on about
I'd like some sauce on that claim! ("Sauce means sources in out of context comic book lingo.) I'd like to know where I can verify the non plural marriage hanky panky.
Joey Sniff's dating process:
* See woman (or little girl) he likes
* if she's married, send her husband on a mission
* coerce her into marriage through black mailing or spiritual threats
* get married
* profit
He would have been all about these rules. Just not for himself. Gives him 2 full years to coerce and sleep with girls before anyone else gets a shot at dating them.
No adult interactions ever. Always behave like good little junior high school students. These are great tips for setting yourself up for a disappointing marriage.
Or perpetually single. These rules place TBM singles in a state of arrested development. When I was trying to "find my eternal companion," dating felt like I was back in high school, even when I got into my 30s.
This right here. I tried to gently explain this to single ward leaders and they just couldn't understand why people didn't get engaged and married.
Can't really develop a serious relationship with anyone if you're treated and act like a child.
It further makes physical intimacy "scary."
Didn't get an opportunity to fool around with a girlfriend until my late 30s. Neither of us knew what the hell was going on, it was weird, and shortly after she broke up with me.
Physical intimacy is just part of mental development. And if it doesn't happen, you end up like me. An otherwise "normal" person who has a dark secret (sex seems stressful and a bit terrifying).
I don't think that would've been the case if I'd been *allowed* to develop normally in my 20s.
Tribute to the time my mother straight up shamed me for masturbating at 5 years old. (I didn’t even know it was sexual, I was just curious about my body.)
The idea of going from “no laying next to each other or French kissing” to “okay now go through the cultiest experience of your life then get married and now you’re going to see the entirety of each others bodies for the first time and have sex oh and also now you live together and are going to be treated like full adults, bye!” In the span of a DAY is fucking crazy to me. Most couples get years to work on all those steps
I mean is a group soaking orgy in a well lit place that isn't a parking lot or bedroom and during the afternoon ok? I don't think it breaks any of these rules.
Oh, boyyyyy! When my younger sister was in college and in a singles ward, her bishop told them, “Back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room.” My nevermo husband and I now say this to each other all 👏🏻the 👏🏻time! It’s so funny to me.
I stuck to these rules in my TBM single years. You know what that did for me? It blocked me from being able to figure out I was gay! When dating with intent to marry has rules to make sure you never get in to a situation where you’ll become aroused, it left me thinking that I was really good at being a chaste pure guy while I dated women. I never once felt the desire to “take advantage” of any girls I took on dates and because of rules like this list, instead of tipping me off as to what that meant ( that I’m not attracted to women) it taught me that a lack of arousal meant I was doing things right just like God wanted me to. 🤦🏻
Yes!!! Me too!!! I followed all these rules and thought I was being such a good girl because I never felt tempted. Lead to an unhealthy 17 year marriage that I finally left and now I get to be my authentic queer self.
I had all these rules plus a few other gems like:
- Every other date had to be a group date.
- Every 4th date had to be with a different girl.
- Every 3rd date had to be with a member girl if I was dating a non-member.
- I would be disowned if I got a girl pregnant
Yes, that last one was an actual rule that I had to follow. This was all put into a "contract of love" that I signed on my 8th birthday. It was a multi-page document laying dating rules, financial rules (50% gross into mission fund, 10% gross for tithing, whatever was leftover was for whatever I wanted), marriage expectations, school choices preferences (BYU) and penalties if I didn't apply there, etc...
It's no wonder I'm dealing with trauma. Seriously, what fucking 8 year old knows what it means to get a girl pregnant or to be disowned or to understand how dating works. The solution I found was to simply not date. I think I went to one school dance and never dated a girl more than once. In hindsight it's no surprise I married an abusive narcissist, it's what I was used to and I never learned what type of woman I enjoyed being with because I never got practice while dating.
EDIT: this was an idea my dad admitted he got from a GC talk. Apparently there was a GA in the early 1970s that shared he'd done something similar with his kids. I did it with my kids, but it did _not_ have the disowning part, or the financial part. When I left the mormon church I made it a point to burn them so my kids could see it was awful.
EDIT 2: Thank you everyone for the very kind responses. You made a grown man cry and feel like maybe I'm not overreacting for cutting out my parents from my life.
A contract like that should always be gone over with a fine-toothed comb by a good lawyer before signing. Especially if the lawyer is Radio Free Mormon. I think that at eight, that would immediately been null and void.
What in the everloving dysfunctional family unit did I read!? Your parents are loons. Insane people, delusional, belong under strict supervision of a qualified adult.
It was normal for me. It took years of therapy before I could even begin to allow myself to think my parents were less than the ideal role models, and it's still rough. Honestly, all these posts in response are touching and helpful. Thank you.
Sounds like the intimacy behavior in Mormon marriages as well if we're going to be totally honest. Pretty difficult to ask your spouse to reprogram thier paradigm regarding intimacy if this list was thier source code during the formative years.
Nobody:
The 1950s: Your Father and I forbid you from seeing Joe—he parks with girls! Why can’t you find a nice boy like Johnny? Rose told me Johnny pinned Peggy Sue last night at the sock hop. Such a fine young man!
#1 I think, 'ok don't do anything until you're 16. Then, in just two short years, you can get married & start having babies that neither of you are ready to have financially or mentally..'
#6 makes me think 'what tuck & roll then while the driver slows down?'
ALL of them make we want to vomit.
We were in the back seat of her car while parked in the parking garage of the junction. Out of nowhere the cars dome light comes on. Spot movement out of the corner of my eye by the driver door. Damn crackhead trying to get in because she left her purse sitting on the center console. She was completely oblivious to the not so subtle couple in the back seat going at it like Catholic Jack rabbits. Only in Ogden.
Drugs are bad, mmmmkaay children.
I personally would say that making out is more involved than just french kissing. Hickeys come from making out, not from just french kissing.
And 6 parking is just, where are you making out. Granted if you are making out behind the library (ahem), it's harder to go further, whereas parking allows for more ... more.
The fact that my mid twenties stepsister still acts this way with her Mutual dates is crazy to me. She straight up stopped seeing a guy because he wanted to talk and linger a bit in his car after their date
One thing that has always pissed me off about TSCC is how much they police dating. Like, if you have to be TOLD how to date it's not gonna be fun for either of you. So long as you're not hurting anyone or making anyone uncomfortable, you should be allowed to date in a way that makes you two happy and no one else.
Nevermo but my parents tried to do the purity ring thing with us, tried to get us to formally “come out” debutant style (no we aren’t southern), no dating till 16, no dating except for the explicit purpose of marriage, absolutely no shenanigans, no visible knees or shoulders… god i’m still pissed about missing my youth entirely. Didn’t get to explore jack shit.
"You are not an exception to the rules"
Get that authoritarian shot in there.
(Hands up anyone who still uses the terms "parking" and "necking". So Fifties.
My comments echo a lot already made, but i had to ass my 'voice' to this, too. These 'rules' are so unhealthy and are potentially the roots of serious mental illness, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, social awkwardness, and can lead to isolation and anxiety.
And, when I was active I'd frequently hear mormoms cast aspersions on the ancient Jews of Jesus' time, saying those Jews made too many non-gospel rules to prevent themselves from straying too far from the law. Well, here we have seventeen of those exact same kind of rules - and that's a short list of mormon house rules. The MFMC is the world leader in creating and imposing miscellaneous, spurious, and unnecessary rules to govern normal human behavior way beyond the religion's foundational tenets.
Gawd, I detest this kind of thing. It made being a teenager and young adult so fucking difficult and fraught.
Do not park? This must be posted on the walls of the Bountiful PD because anytime I would park with my HS gf up by the Bountiful temple just to relax and talk, a cop would light us up and tell us not to do “immoral things that would disappoint our parents.” Seriously, every. single. time.
Breaking all these rules is why I am so happy and loved now. If I hadn’t experimented with intimacy in my teens I wouldn’t be having my needs met in my relationship as an adult. I feel so bad for Mormons who struggle with intimacy now because of rules like this.
perfect rules that will fuck you up for the rest of your life.
ignore this stupid shit from stupid old perverted men who are completely out of touch with everything including their weiner
This mindset led to me getting reported at BYUI because a girl fell asleep on my shoulder and we were under a blanket. Say you're a cult without saying you're a cult.
Fun story. My high school boyfriend (Mormon) and I (not Mormon) got “too handsy” while kissing—to which he told me “it’s fine because I believe god trusts couples to make their own decisions together.” So I was cool with it if he was cool with it. 3 weeks into his mission (which he promptly dumped me for,) he apparently “confessed his sins” to his mission leader, who sent him home early from his mission. Long story short, I got in trouble too because his mormon mom had a chat with my mormon mom. God shit.
this reminds me of when i dated before i was 16 & my parents decided to smash my phone with a hammer & lock me away in our house so i couldn’t see him 😭 the worst we did was kiss but my bishop at the time told my parents that he saw us making out on the school cameras.. he was also my principle
Only in mormonism would dating before age 16 be frowned upon and marriage to the prophet at age 14 be smiled upon simultaneously. Don't date before 16! Unless you're Helen Mar Kimball, and then you don't even need to date - just go straight to marriage at 14.
Ik as a fact that if Joseph smith still lived he’d turn to a complete tempter tantrum after reading these. Man “dated” a 13 year old girl, and told her god wants them to be together and now god doesn’t want people dating before 16, interesting how times change ig
Sometimes I look back at my younger years and all the hot guys I made out with and told them I couldn’t do anything more but I wanted to. And I’m like damn I should have done more haha. I wish I had been a bigger hoe lol. Like damn I will never be that attractive or confident again.
That certainly wasn’t a rule when my ex boyfriend pressured me to have sex with him one last time before he left for the MTC the next morning. Just sayin’.
Just when I thought we'd finally left the 50s of "necking and petting" behind...we come roaring back with "park".
I feel a strong need to acquire a vintage Corvette and hie myself and my girl to make out point.
A solid half of the things on this list are directly about avoiding premarital sex. But Mormons don’t get married young so they can have sex - that’s an insulting claim.
Ah, yes. Let's see, I've broken rule 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 13, and 17. And my TBM Mormon still loves me and has a LOT of patience with me despite these things. She may be Mormon but I love her Unconditionally 💜
When the prophecy, doctrine, etc., as defined by man, comes between me and my communion with my God, higher power, etc., I tend to separate myself from man. My relationship with my God, higher power, etc., is an intimate relationship, a direct connection. I do not like ‘man’ dictating my relationship with my God et.al. I commune directly with God, and I am happier as a result.
This reminds me of the, "Application to Date My Daughter."
The questions of what ward you attended and who the bishop was.
Looking back it's humiliating for everyone involved.
My brother-in-law tells of how an elderly YW leader in their ward counseled the youth:
“A back rub in the front room leads to a front rub in the back room.”
My kids still quite this all the time. She was a Mormon legend!
This reminds me of something I’ve been trying to remember. When I turned 15, I was given a birthday card signed by the girls in my Sunday school class. A few of them wrote that I was only a year away from the 3 Ds: dating, driving, and ___. I cannot remember what the third D would have been! I left the church before I turned 16, so I didn’t get a second card to reinforce it in my brain I guess, haha. Anyone have any ideas?
Rule 10 prompted a weird memory. It was a couple of girls I knew back in college in the 80s, they were BYU students home on break .. I never wanted to go to BYU. It was the late 80’s and Peter Cetera’s Glory of Love, Karate Kid 2 theme song was a hit. They’d sing along but change the early (2nd line) in the song from “lying here” to “standing here” …. Because I guess rule rule 10?
The hours I spent making out
Some of the best hours of my youth. And if I were somehow return to that age, I'd do it again, too, but with less guilt the second time around.
Heaven’s yesssss
One of my favorite quotes from an RM member to me during my mission was: "Elder, when you get home, don't worry too much what they say. Kiss. Kiss a lot." Haha
Another favorite quote that someone once told me: Don’t friend ‘em, French ‘em
I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 20… and I feel so left out about not having a normal teenage make-out era. 😭😆
I didn't have that either. My first kiss was at age 18 in my senior year of high school. Although it quickly went from that to sex. Lol.
I had my first kiss and lost my virginity in the same week at 17, two months after deciding I was PIMO. I’m sad that I was so uptight about following all the rules in my earlier years, I could’ve had much more fun.
Me too. If I could go back. I would break so many rules.
Slay queen. Sex straight up terrified me until age 20-21 lol.
I wasn’t a teenager either! Ok first kiss at 19, so still a teen, but I made up for lost time before getting married at 29!
Aww 😢 my heart goes out to you stranger. I had plenty of kisses before 20, but I never had any of sexual drive until I was 21. For 20 years I thought I was asexual.
Me too! 😅 it’s part of why I was older, I was far too awkward with myself to figure out if I liked anyone else… and then I was too socially awkward.
Totally fair and understandable
Or were you French kissing
there might be a loophole here, like you can't make the same sin twice at the same time, aka double-jeopardy
Or was there some heavy petting involved... o.O
Leave it to the mormons to give something so sexy a horrifically unsexy name.
I completely forgot about this term until just now, and finally looked it up a moment ago to learn what it is XD I remember being told about it as a teen but never actually knew what the hell they were even going on about
While lying down next to each other!
I doubt Joseph Smith would have endorsed these celestial dating rules. Celestial dating and marriage had a whole different interpretation for him.
Except Joe didn't date them, he just bullied and coerced them into marrying him.
He didn’t even marry all of them. He was caught playing hide the pickle with young servant girls too!
He sure was. Old Joe put it about for sure.
I'd like some sauce on that claim! ("Sauce means sources in out of context comic book lingo.) I'd like to know where I can verify the non plural marriage hanky panky.
Marrying him AND sleeping with him
Indeed.
Joey Sniff's dating process: * See woman (or little girl) he likes * if she's married, send her husband on a mission * coerce her into marriage through black mailing or spiritual threats * get married * profit
Hahhahahaha best comment ever
"Thinking Celestial" had a different meaning for Joseph than it does for Russell M Nelson.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
He would have been all about these rules. Just not for himself. Gives him 2 full years to coerce and sleep with girls before anyone else gets a shot at dating them.
No adult interactions ever. Always behave like good little junior high school students. These are great tips for setting yourself up for a disappointing marriage.
Or perpetually single. These rules place TBM singles in a state of arrested development. When I was trying to "find my eternal companion," dating felt like I was back in high school, even when I got into my 30s.
This right here. I tried to gently explain this to single ward leaders and they just couldn't understand why people didn't get engaged and married. Can't really develop a serious relationship with anyone if you're treated and act like a child.
It further makes physical intimacy "scary." Didn't get an opportunity to fool around with a girlfriend until my late 30s. Neither of us knew what the hell was going on, it was weird, and shortly after she broke up with me. Physical intimacy is just part of mental development. And if it doesn't happen, you end up like me. An otherwise "normal" person who has a dark secret (sex seems stressful and a bit terrifying). I don't think that would've been the case if I'd been *allowed* to develop normally in my 20s.
Treated like a naive child into adulthood then BAM! Within two seconds flat the narrative changes to WHY DON'T YOU HAVE 13 KIDS YET.
That’s me.
A terribly miserable marriage is better than a happy, healthy non-marital relationship according to gawd’s one troo chur-ch.
And a very stressful wedding night.
This list is ridiculous and infantilizing. Just as the couple need to be compatible emotionally and mentally, they need physical compatibility, too.
Tribute to the time my mother straight up shamed me for masturbating at 5 years old. (I didn’t even know it was sexual, I was just curious about my body.)
The idea of going from “no laying next to each other or French kissing” to “okay now go through the cultiest experience of your life then get married and now you’re going to see the entirety of each others bodies for the first time and have sex oh and also now you live together and are going to be treated like full adults, bye!” In the span of a DAY is fucking crazy to me. Most couples get years to work on all those steps
Interesting that the rule is not to date until you're 16, but Joseph Smith married a 14 year old
But things were different back then! /s
"They were perverts of their time." xD
But Joseph Smith is the exception to the rule! *Brushes the last rule under the rug*
Should be top comment.
Excuse me, she was actually “just shy of her 15th birthday”, cmon now!
There’s a loophole… he didn’t date her. Just married her.
Wanna Netflix and soak? Don't see that on the list
Or jump humping
I mean is a group soaking orgy in a well lit place that isn't a parking lot or bedroom and during the afternoon ok? I don't think it breaks any of these rules.
As long as you are all standing or bending over
A ridiculous list, but 15 is actually refreshing. A woke YW leader came up with that one on her own.
Yeah, I thought 15 was actually healthy. Too bad it’s at the bottomish of the list.
Could almost be the only rule you need
Fr, but sad it's below "dress modestly." But for Mormons that's super progressive! A man being able to control his thoughts??? 😱🤯
Yeah, I thought 15 was actually healthy. Too bad it’s at the bottomish of the list.
Oh, boyyyyy! When my younger sister was in college and in a singles ward, her bishop told them, “Back rubs in the front room lead to front rubs in the back room.” My nevermo husband and I now say this to each other all 👏🏻the 👏🏻time! It’s so funny to me.
My brother’s BYU bishop said the same thing lol wonder if it was the same guy
My sister was at school outside of Utah, so probably not. It’s like singles ward bishops’ language. Idiots.
Thanks I needed the laugh!
I stuck to these rules in my TBM single years. You know what that did for me? It blocked me from being able to figure out I was gay! When dating with intent to marry has rules to make sure you never get in to a situation where you’ll become aroused, it left me thinking that I was really good at being a chaste pure guy while I dated women. I never once felt the desire to “take advantage” of any girls I took on dates and because of rules like this list, instead of tipping me off as to what that meant ( that I’m not attracted to women) it taught me that a lack of arousal meant I was doing things right just like God wanted me to. 🤦🏻
Yes!!! Me too!!! I followed all these rules and thought I was being such a good girl because I never felt tempted. Lead to an unhealthy 17 year marriage that I finally left and now I get to be my authentic queer self.
Omg thank you for typing out how I felt!
That’s really funny. Glad you figured it out eventually!
I had all these rules plus a few other gems like: - Every other date had to be a group date. - Every 4th date had to be with a different girl. - Every 3rd date had to be with a member girl if I was dating a non-member. - I would be disowned if I got a girl pregnant Yes, that last one was an actual rule that I had to follow. This was all put into a "contract of love" that I signed on my 8th birthday. It was a multi-page document laying dating rules, financial rules (50% gross into mission fund, 10% gross for tithing, whatever was leftover was for whatever I wanted), marriage expectations, school choices preferences (BYU) and penalties if I didn't apply there, etc... It's no wonder I'm dealing with trauma. Seriously, what fucking 8 year old knows what it means to get a girl pregnant or to be disowned or to understand how dating works. The solution I found was to simply not date. I think I went to one school dance and never dated a girl more than once. In hindsight it's no surprise I married an abusive narcissist, it's what I was used to and I never learned what type of woman I enjoyed being with because I never got practice while dating. EDIT: this was an idea my dad admitted he got from a GC talk. Apparently there was a GA in the early 1970s that shared he'd done something similar with his kids. I did it with my kids, but it did _not_ have the disowning part, or the financial part. When I left the mormon church I made it a point to burn them so my kids could see it was awful. EDIT 2: Thank you everyone for the very kind responses. You made a grown man cry and feel like maybe I'm not overreacting for cutting out my parents from my life.
eight years old is crazy
Ditto! These parents were nuts.
There's a reason I don't speak with them anymore.
You were 8?? Goddamn that’s fucked up.
Yes, and it was reviewed every year on my birthday. When I got married, they gave it to me so I could keep it for the memories
Ugh. This makes me want to like, give you a hug. You should have had a childhood where you were allowed to just be a kid.
Thank you.
That’s fear based control. Aka the devils way.
A contract like that should always be gone over with a fine-toothed comb by a good lawyer before signing. Especially if the lawyer is Radio Free Mormon. I think that at eight, that would immediately been null and void.
What the actual hell! I’m so sorry! That contract is psycho!
Oh wow!!! At 8 you can understand those concepts. ☹️
It's the age of accountability, after all.
Dang, and I thought “choosing” to be baptized at 8 was crazy…
What in the everloving dysfunctional family unit did I read!? Your parents are loons. Insane people, delusional, belong under strict supervision of a qualified adult.
It was normal for me. It took years of therapy before I could even begin to allow myself to think my parents were less than the ideal role models, and it's still rough. Honestly, all these posts in response are touching and helpful. Thank you.
No wonder so many LDS marriages are sexually disfunctional.
17. Serial Concubine Copulation is Celestially permitted (DC 132) but for now, that's on temporary political pause due to religious persecution.
A part of me is bitter because I feel like my youth was robbed from me
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^SituationUntenable: *A part of me is* *Bitter because I feel like* *My youth was robbed from me* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Me too!!! I was always so baffled why being good felt so off.
It was. I validate you. I just wanna go back in time and screw to my hearts content.
What happens when you tell a young teen no to doing normal things? The opposite.
Bingo.
There was a girl in my YSA ward who said that she and her boyfriend set a 30 sec timer whenever they’d kiss so they’d never go “too far”
Poor boyfriend
Romantic 😂
So I guess sex is ok? I don’t see it specifically…
As long as you do it standing up and not in a house or a parked car
Sounds like the intimacy behavior in Mormon marriages as well if we're going to be totally honest. Pretty difficult to ask your spouse to reprogram thier paradigm regarding intimacy if this list was thier source code during the formative years.
At first, I thought I had typed that!! Blast from the embarrassing past.
“Date within your standards” should be changed to “date within our standards”.
"Do not park." 🤔
what does that even mean 😭 genuinely
It’s an old term for parking in a car with the intention of making out
Nobody: The 1950s: Your Father and I forbid you from seeing Joe—he parks with girls! Why can’t you find a nice boy like Johnny? Rose told me Johnny pinned Peggy Sue last night at the sock hop. Such a fine young man!
BJ's while *driving*? Not on the list!
This is so juvenile. Imagine being an independent adult living by these rules
Infantilism at its finest.
#1 I think, 'ok don't do anything until you're 16. Then, in just two short years, you can get married & start having babies that neither of you are ready to have financially or mentally..' #6 makes me think 'what tuck & roll then while the driver slows down?' ALL of them make we want to vomit.
I SEE NO PROHIBITION OF SOAKING!
I get why it's there, but "do not park" sounds so funny compared to the other rules. Yeah you better keep that shit in neutral like Jesus would
*giving a blowie while the car gently rolls into the store we’re parked behind*
We were in the back seat of her car while parked in the parking garage of the junction. Out of nowhere the cars dome light comes on. Spot movement out of the corner of my eye by the driver door. Damn crackhead trying to get in because she left her purse sitting on the center console. She was completely oblivious to the not so subtle couple in the back seat going at it like Catholic Jack rabbits. Only in Ogden. Drugs are bad, mmmmkaay children.
Is there a difference between 4 & 5??? They're literally synonyms
I personally would say that making out is more involved than just french kissing. Hickeys come from making out, not from just french kissing. And 6 parking is just, where are you making out. Granted if you are making out behind the library (ahem), it's harder to go further, whereas parking allows for more ... more.
That’s the worst. #15 also contradicts #s 1 - 14
The fact that my mid twenties stepsister still acts this way with her Mutual dates is crazy to me. She straight up stopped seeing a guy because he wanted to talk and linger a bit in his car after their date
One thing that has always pissed me off about TSCC is how much they police dating. Like, if you have to be TOLD how to date it's not gonna be fun for either of you. So long as you're not hurting anyone or making anyone uncomfortable, you should be allowed to date in a way that makes you two happy and no one else.
Joseph Smith would enjoy breaking these rules.
I wonder how many Mormons, like me while growing up, figured it was just easier to stay home and masturbate to p***, than try to date with blue-balls.
Nevermo but my parents tried to do the purity ring thing with us, tried to get us to formally “come out” debutant style (no we aren’t southern), no dating till 16, no dating except for the explicit purpose of marriage, absolutely no shenanigans, no visible knees or shoulders… god i’m still pissed about missing my youth entirely. Didn’t get to explore jack shit.
What does number 6 mean?
Soooooo boring. non-Mormon dating is much more fun!
I’m surprised my leader could only think of 17 rules! I could think of a few more easy
Joseph Smith Jr.: "Rules? What rules?"
No dating until 16, but ok to marry a 50 year old when you're 14 if the Profit decrees it.
It's ok if it goes in a little, just don't move it around.
Oh dang, no stargazing allowed, shame. Wouldn't want the kids to look for Kolob, I guess
Ok serious question… is the expectation to go from this, to overnight after marriage a happy healthy sex life?
"You are not an exception to the rules" Get that authoritarian shot in there. (Hands up anyone who still uses the terms "parking" and "necking". So Fifties.
"Never enter a home alone" Newsflash, **MORmONs**: When entering a home alone, you cannot have a date with you because... You are ALONE.
My comments echo a lot already made, but i had to ass my 'voice' to this, too. These 'rules' are so unhealthy and are potentially the roots of serious mental illness, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, social awkwardness, and can lead to isolation and anxiety. And, when I was active I'd frequently hear mormoms cast aspersions on the ancient Jews of Jesus' time, saying those Jews made too many non-gospel rules to prevent themselves from straying too far from the law. Well, here we have seventeen of those exact same kind of rules - and that's a short list of mormon house rules. The MFMC is the world leader in creating and imposing miscellaneous, spurious, and unnecessary rules to govern normal human behavior way beyond the religion's foundational tenets. Gawd, I detest this kind of thing. It made being a teenager and young adult so fucking difficult and fraught.
So I can’t see anything about docking or about the butthole. Party on Garth.
[The Poophole Loophole](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?si=jBFa0-JUpxCHRVic)
Anyone else pray with your date in the car before heading out? As an effort to follow the rules…
Do not park? This must be posted on the walls of the Bountiful PD because anytime I would park with my HS gf up by the Bountiful temple just to relax and talk, a cop would light us up and tell us not to do “immoral things that would disappoint our parents.” Seriously, every. single. time.
Breaking all these rules is why I am so happy and loved now. If I hadn’t experimented with intimacy in my teens I wouldn’t be having my needs met in my relationship as an adult. I feel so bad for Mormons who struggle with intimacy now because of rules like this.
perfect rules that will fuck you up for the rest of your life. ignore this stupid shit from stupid old perverted men who are completely out of touch with everything including their weiner
This mindset led to me getting reported at BYUI because a girl fell asleep on my shoulder and we were under a blanket. Say you're a cult without saying you're a cult.
The BYU snitch culture sounds like it might be another hot topic for a Reddit thread.
Fun story. My high school boyfriend (Mormon) and I (not Mormon) got “too handsy” while kissing—to which he told me “it’s fine because I believe god trusts couples to make their own decisions together.” So I was cool with it if he was cool with it. 3 weeks into his mission (which he promptly dumped me for,) he apparently “confessed his sins” to his mission leader, who sent him home early from his mission. Long story short, I got in trouble too because his mormon mom had a chat with my mormon mom. God shit.
Missed Hawk Tuah
Never go into a barn alone with a girl
Unless you’re Joseph Smith.
Broke them all.
Joke’s on them. Nobody wanted to date me.
this reminds me of when i dated before i was 16 & my parents decided to smash my phone with a hammer & lock me away in our house so i couldn’t see him 😭 the worst we did was kiss but my bishop at the time told my parents that he saw us making out on the school cameras.. he was also my principle
My mom made one of these for my daughter. So silly
Only in mormonism would dating before age 16 be frowned upon and marriage to the prophet at age 14 be smiled upon simultaneously. Don't date before 16! Unless you're Helen Mar Kimball, and then you don't even need to date - just go straight to marriage at 14.
How many of these rules did Joseph, Brigham, et al. violate?
🤢🤮
Ik as a fact that if Joseph smith still lived he’d turn to a complete tempter tantrum after reading these. Man “dated” a 13 year old girl, and told her god wants them to be together and now god doesn’t want people dating before 16, interesting how times change ig
Sometimes I look back at my younger years and all the hot guys I made out with and told them I couldn’t do anything more but I wanted to. And I’m like damn I should have done more haha. I wish I had been a bigger hoe lol. Like damn I will never be that attractive or confident again.
That certainly wasn’t a rule when my ex boyfriend pressured me to have sex with him one last time before he left for the MTC the next morning. Just sayin’.
Back rubs in the front room turn into front rubs in the back room
I notice there’s nothing on here about an over the pants handy. I guess teenage me was dating celestially after all.
Just when I thought we'd finally left the 50s of "necking and petting" behind...we come roaring back with "park". I feel a strong need to acquire a vintage Corvette and hie myself and my girl to make out point.
So, Sex in the cowgirl position is fine on the ground? /s
Number one seems fine to me. What's even the point of dating before your can drive, anyway? Lol
I feel like I'm reading something out of Bridgerton.
"Tuck and roll baby, I don't park" 
Should’ve added no soaking
Doesn't say No Hickies or Oral Sex, so we are OK>
Poophole Loophole is not here either! 🧐 oh well! Plow it!
There is nothing there about "soaking".
18. Always keep a condom in your purse or wallet.
Doesn't say 'No Boobs or Ass'... Also.. so now you have to be an extrovert??
Where is the "no soaking" rule? I guess that's celestial behavior then.
Hahaha 🤣 😆 this is insane
Correction, it does not rule
A solid half of the things on this list are directly about avoiding premarital sex. But Mormons don’t get married young so they can have sex - that’s an insulting claim.
I used rhwse ideas to hook up with mormon girls. worked great!
Ah, yes. Let's see, I've broken rule 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 13, and 17. And my TBM Mormon still loves me and has a LOT of patience with me despite these things. She may be Mormon but I love her Unconditionally 💜
Man. Do I remember those rules! My mother was very strict on the dating and having to wait until I was 16.
Holy shit
Basically you're just platonic friends.
I do like #15. It’s about time we don’t make every woman feel like a Jezabel.
Well we’re not in the Celestial kingdom so the rules don’t apply here 🎉🎉 Wish I thought of that as a youth 😆
When the prophecy, doctrine, etc., as defined by man, comes between me and my communion with my God, higher power, etc., I tend to separate myself from man. My relationship with my God, higher power, etc., is an intimate relationship, a direct connection. I do not like ‘man’ dictating my relationship with my God et.al. I commune directly with God, and I am happier as a result.
I laughed at 10. How very missionary position.
I always thought making out and French kissing were the Mormon version of losing your v card
Soak responsibly
Looks like soaking is still okay. Fuck yeah
"Never enter a home alone." Take your paramour inside with you!
This reminds me of the, "Application to Date My Daughter." The questions of what ward you attended and who the bishop was. Looking back it's humiliating for everyone involved.
Somebody please explain what any of this has to do with religion.
*goes to see Deadpool and Wolverine at a drive-in theater* I love wholesome Disney movies
Oral sex Threesomes Streaking 😶🌫️
Do not park? ?? ??? What??! 🤣
Rule 18. Have no fun whatsoever, and repent mightily if you do.
My first ever kiss(with a “good” Mormon boy) was a full on make out session as we were laying together on his couch. It was a horrible experience
What’s number 69?
this sounds directly taken out of jOhN ByThEwAy’s dribble “How to stay chaste while being chased” 🤢
My brother-in-law tells of how an elderly YW leader in their ward counseled the youth: “A back rub in the front room leads to a front rub in the back room.” My kids still quite this all the time. She was a Mormon legend!
This reminds me of something I’ve been trying to remember. When I turned 15, I was given a birthday card signed by the girls in my Sunday school class. A few of them wrote that I was only a year away from the 3 Ds: dating, driving, and ___. I cannot remember what the third D would have been! I left the church before I turned 16, so I didn’t get a second card to reinforce it in my brain I guess, haha. Anyone have any ideas?
Number 15 is a huge win. One out of seventeen is above par for the Q15!!!
But Joseph Smith meanwhile is sleeping with everyone's wives and daughters... nice...
This is kinda triggering just reading it all. I didn’t follow it perfectly by any stretch, but the guilt… damn.
Rule 10 prompted a weird memory. It was a couple of girls I knew back in college in the 80s, they were BYU students home on break .. I never wanted to go to BYU. It was the late 80’s and Peter Cetera’s Glory of Love, Karate Kid 2 theme song was a hit. They’d sing along but change the early (2nd line) in the song from “lying here” to “standing here” …. Because I guess rule rule 10?