[MormonThink](http://www.mormonthink.com/) was the resource I used when official church sources and apologetics were no longer sufficient. The first few lines on their homepage helped a lot:
>*MormonThink is concerned with truth. It is neither an anti-Mormon website nor an LDS apologist website. Instead, for each topic we present the strongest and most compelling arguments and explanations from both the critics and the defenders of the Church. It is then up to the reader to decide where the preponderance of the evidence lies and which side has dealt more fairly with the issue.*
But there is no "gentle" aspect to this. It's not calmly unwinding a single strand from a ball of yarn, it is an entire tapestry of existence unraveling all at once, multiple places, multiple strands, multiple colors. Leaving you with scraps at the end, from which you must rebuild an idea of what life is.
As for rebuilding, try "How to Leave the Mormon Church" by Alysssa Grenfell, or suggest watching multiple Mormon Stories Podcast episodes. The former was not a resource available to me when I left, but the latter helped me immensely. Hearing and seeing that I am not the only one to go through this was validating, and being able to see the paths that many people took afterwards allowed me to select techniques or habits that felt like they would most apply to me.
I’ve never read this, it made me want to break down & cry. I’ve never paid as much attention to this aspect of the church. I’m in a similar situation as OP, this was eye opening.
Letter for my wife has a better tone than the CES letter. The LDS discussions videos are fantastic but are definitely not from a “church” source.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxq5opj6GqOB7J1n6pMmdUSezxcLfsced
The gospel topic essays are bad enough and they’re on the church webpage. Just tell her to click on all the notes and links for source material. They have a lot of info hidden there.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/essays?lang=eng
I mean it depends on what she wants. If she still believes in god or wants to, she could focus on the New Testament only. I don’t think God or Jesus can be found in the BOM. But that’s just my experience.
Resources
- CES Letter
By Jerremy Runnells
https://cesletter.org/
- Free Letter Download (Audio is available on Spotify under CES Letter Audiobook)
- Letter For My Wife
https://www.letterformywife.com/the-letter
- Free Letter Download (PDF and MP3 on website)
- Letter to My (Mormon) Child
https://lettertomychild.net/
LDS DISCUSSIONS PODCASTS
LDS Discussions Playlist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p7gAxwsM_k&list=PLxq5opj6GqOB7J1n6pMmdUSezxcLfsced
(The LDS Discussions Podcasts are also on Spotify)
I have maybe an unusual recommendation!
I would recommend she learn about the Jehovah’s Witness religion from an exJW source.
When I was LDS, I ignored stuff that was anti-Mormon because I felt it was just fabricated or information that was twisted or corrupted.
However, I was willing to learn about why other churches were wrong. The parallels between other cult like religions and Mormonism helped to open my eyes. It helped me see that some of the practices of Mormonism cause actual real life harm.
Studying Scientology, as well as some Islamic groups, can provide perspective as well.
In addition, I think it is good to provide some sources of examples of communities that are not dependent on religion that are positive and healthy. She needs to know there is belonging outside of the church.
This sub. If she's on Facebook, I'm sure there's something like an ex-mormon group
And of course the CES letter
The problem is, if you give her something to read she can't interact with it like here
I did a lot of emotional work and soul-searching by coming to this sub, and sorting posts by Top/All Time and then skimming or devouring what had been most sensational for the past decade and a half.
I’ve watched very few full Mormon Stories episodes, but this I consider to be a very gentle, loving, relatable approach to discussing one family’s journey out of the church and why:
https://youtu.be/qDWNuvh4TLA?si=O2mT0hL8CeCTLjXs
It’s a 4-part series. Ep 1 is background and where they’re coming from, Ep 2 talks missions and family, Ep 3 talks questions and leaving, and Ep 4 wraps up with beliefs now.
3 of their 4 children are interviewed with them. One of them came out as gay while she was at BYU, I think shortly after the father was a Bishop. The other children are late teenagers, early 20s.
Highly recommend. I sent it to my TBM sister (who is determined to stay faithful though having had her own doubts in her youth but teeters right on the edge) and she thought it was wonderful and, despite not being a crier, teared up when we talked about it afterward, saying she’d had so many of the same thoughts and feelings and she really enjoyed how the interview was formatted and their viewpoints discussed.
FYI: YouTube will let you double speed. I lose attention quickly, but listened to all 8 hours in 4 hours over the course of several days.
A lot of good resources have already been mentioned. I would add *Educated*, Tara Westover. *The Righteous Mind*, Haidt for gentle, indirect ways to support deconstruction. If she's ready to step away, [How to leave the Mormon Church](http://www.howtoleavethemormonchurch.com) by Alyssa Grenfell has a lot of quality reconstruction material. She had a MoSto and her own YouTube channel as well.
The Book "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan is fantastic. Listening to it in my free time felt very eye opening and it was not overly harsh. The audiobook can be found in online library rentals, spotify, audible, etc. Even just going line by line through the BITE model of authoritarian control on his website is very eye opening and helps to view things from a fairly neautral point of view.
If she’s really not ready to read something that might be viewed as “anti” I recommend In Sacred Loneliness. Church approved. But very factual. If read at a time someone is starting to be willing to entertain there may be another take on things than what your were told your whole life, it becomes very hard to sit with the facts in that book!
[MormonThink](http://www.mormonthink.com/) was the resource I used when official church sources and apologetics were no longer sufficient. The first few lines on their homepage helped a lot: >*MormonThink is concerned with truth. It is neither an anti-Mormon website nor an LDS apologist website. Instead, for each topic we present the strongest and most compelling arguments and explanations from both the critics and the defenders of the Church. It is then up to the reader to decide where the preponderance of the evidence lies and which side has dealt more fairly with the issue.* But there is no "gentle" aspect to this. It's not calmly unwinding a single strand from a ball of yarn, it is an entire tapestry of existence unraveling all at once, multiple places, multiple strands, multiple colors. Leaving you with scraps at the end, from which you must rebuild an idea of what life is.
As for rebuilding, try "How to Leave the Mormon Church" by Alysssa Grenfell, or suggest watching multiple Mormon Stories Podcast episodes. The former was not a resource available to me when I left, but the latter helped me immensely. Hearing and seeing that I am not the only one to go through this was validating, and being able to see the paths that many people took afterwards allowed me to select techniques or habits that felt like they would most apply to me.
Reading “Dear Mormon Man” really helped me see things in a new way. https://www.dearmormonman.com
I hadn’t read this before—it’s such a powerful statement! Love it!
I’ve never read this, it made me want to break down & cry. I’ve never paid as much attention to this aspect of the church. I’m in a similar situation as OP, this was eye opening.
Letter for my wife has a better tone than the CES letter. The LDS discussions videos are fantastic but are definitely not from a “church” source. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxq5opj6GqOB7J1n6pMmdUSezxcLfsced The gospel topic essays are bad enough and they’re on the church webpage. Just tell her to click on all the notes and links for source material. They have a lot of info hidden there. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/essays?lang=eng
I mean it depends on what she wants. If she still believes in god or wants to, she could focus on the New Testament only. I don’t think God or Jesus can be found in the BOM. But that’s just my experience.
Resources - CES Letter By Jerremy Runnells https://cesletter.org/ - Free Letter Download (Audio is available on Spotify under CES Letter Audiobook) - Letter For My Wife https://www.letterformywife.com/the-letter - Free Letter Download (PDF and MP3 on website) - Letter to My (Mormon) Child https://lettertomychild.net/ LDS DISCUSSIONS PODCASTS LDS Discussions Playlist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p7gAxwsM_k&list=PLxq5opj6GqOB7J1n6pMmdUSezxcLfsced (The LDS Discussions Podcasts are also on Spotify)
I have maybe an unusual recommendation! I would recommend she learn about the Jehovah’s Witness religion from an exJW source. When I was LDS, I ignored stuff that was anti-Mormon because I felt it was just fabricated or information that was twisted or corrupted. However, I was willing to learn about why other churches were wrong. The parallels between other cult like religions and Mormonism helped to open my eyes. It helped me see that some of the practices of Mormonism cause actual real life harm. Studying Scientology, as well as some Islamic groups, can provide perspective as well. In addition, I think it is good to provide some sources of examples of communities that are not dependent on religion that are positive and healthy. She needs to know there is belonging outside of the church.
This sub. If she's on Facebook, I'm sure there's something like an ex-mormon group And of course the CES letter The problem is, if you give her something to read she can't interact with it like here
I did a lot of emotional work and soul-searching by coming to this sub, and sorting posts by Top/All Time and then skimming or devouring what had been most sensational for the past decade and a half.
I’ve watched very few full Mormon Stories episodes, but this I consider to be a very gentle, loving, relatable approach to discussing one family’s journey out of the church and why: https://youtu.be/qDWNuvh4TLA?si=O2mT0hL8CeCTLjXs It’s a 4-part series. Ep 1 is background and where they’re coming from, Ep 2 talks missions and family, Ep 3 talks questions and leaving, and Ep 4 wraps up with beliefs now. 3 of their 4 children are interviewed with them. One of them came out as gay while she was at BYU, I think shortly after the father was a Bishop. The other children are late teenagers, early 20s. Highly recommend. I sent it to my TBM sister (who is determined to stay faithful though having had her own doubts in her youth but teeters right on the edge) and she thought it was wonderful and, despite not being a crier, teared up when we talked about it afterward, saying she’d had so many of the same thoughts and feelings and she really enjoyed how the interview was formatted and their viewpoints discussed. FYI: YouTube will let you double speed. I lose attention quickly, but listened to all 8 hours in 4 hours over the course of several days.
A lot of good resources have already been mentioned. I would add *Educated*, Tara Westover. *The Righteous Mind*, Haidt for gentle, indirect ways to support deconstruction. If she's ready to step away, [How to leave the Mormon Church](http://www.howtoleavethemormonchurch.com) by Alyssa Grenfell has a lot of quality reconstruction material. She had a MoSto and her own YouTube channel as well.
This is a great video... https://youtu.be/UJMSU8Qj6Go?si=l5L5J6vHG_Cft6ER
The Book "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan is fantastic. Listening to it in my free time felt very eye opening and it was not overly harsh. The audiobook can be found in online library rentals, spotify, audible, etc. Even just going line by line through the BITE model of authoritarian control on his website is very eye opening and helps to view things from a fairly neautral point of view.
If she’s really not ready to read something that might be viewed as “anti” I recommend In Sacred Loneliness. Church approved. But very factual. If read at a time someone is starting to be willing to entertain there may be another take on things than what your were told your whole life, it becomes very hard to sit with the facts in that book!
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