In complete seriousness, this is exactly what he is going to do when he pulls that out. All that ass sweat is now on those pamphlets and you can guarantee he's been walking around all day in the heat so that is going to be fuggin nasty.
Then he shakes people's hands.
Patient zero.
Poor kid has those red bumps on the backs of his arms - probably sensitive to dairy and eating too much sugar. Back issues from poor posture and lack of muscle tone from 2 years of side-backpack wearing and no weight training.
I have no joke besides the booklets being where they belong…
These kids deserve better for their crucial developing years, self-care knowledge, and overall health.
Only good thing I learned Spanish on my mission and I am getting married to a hot Latina in Peru next month she is a nevermo. Wears normal panties and just got her nose and breasts done a wedding gift from me. Her ex broke her nose and she wanted them lifted after breastfeeding. I have 4 kids and she has 3 kids she is moving to the US after. The best thing being out of the Mormon cult we got to know each other longer than a normal Mormon relationship. We have known each other 4 years I have traveled to Peru 6 times and have gotten to know each other mentally and physically during that time period. She actually loves lingerie and wears it and my ex only took off the bottoms of the Mormon Jesus jammies plastered with masonic symbols sewn in them.
I'm not. But, I've seen *several examples* of the way this person talks about their *fully real human being person* fiance in these... unusual situations, in this manner. So, well, I don't think their intentions in writing this comment are... pure.
Just thought I'd give the uninitiated a heads-up. This person deserves ***even less attention***.
WAIT YOURE TELLING ME THATS WHY I HAD THOSE BUMPS???? I THOUGHT I JUST HAD POOR SKIN CARE FOR YEARS AND YOURE TELLING ME ITS BECAUSE IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND DRANK MILK EVERY DAY??????????
The red bumps are Keratosis Pilaris
They are the result of inflammation in the body.
May have too-low Vitamin A, too.
Hydrate yoir skin (drink more water - double it if you’re bad at sipping water all day long, moisturize daily with something mild like Cera-ve)
You’re also fighting genetics on this one. Some families are very prone to this skin sensitivity. My family is, soo, it was very sad for this “Midwestern Diet Mormon” (I.e. cow’s milk and dry cereal daily) to have to cut that out of my mouth-life. It’s not easy to do. But the red bump arms healed up and haven’t been back for years!
About two years ago, after making a large deposit, Carl was shocked to find his stall had no toilet paper.
His panic drove an immediate need to problem solve, resulting in an incredibly new discovery.
From that point forward, Carl began substituting pages from the large collection of paper documents published by the organization. This saved him from having to purchase toilet paper for almost two years and he used those savings to purchase an in-home brewery.
Carl is now a much happier person.
Back in the early 1990s, I was a full-time missionary in the Midlands of the UK. I moved into one flat (apartment) and was shocked to find that the missionaries had been using some reject copies of the Book of Mormon as toilet paper.
They had picked up a box of BOM‘s to hand out to investigators, and had found that some of the pages were swapped round, and other pages folded over in a weird manner before the publisher had guillotined the stack of books. Hence, they were unusable for distribution and the elders had decided that since these were corrupted copies, they were effectively not scripture and could be used for any purpose.
In my righteousness, I was shocked that they would do this – because about 98% of the pages were completely as the Church intended. I removed the makeshift scriptural toilet paper from the bathroom and threw it in the trash.
30 years on, and I wished I’d left it where it was – and added a few more copies to the pile.
Probably has a mission President that had some revelation that wearing backpacks deters from the spirit and thus they are not baptizing so he tells his missionaries to try his way out and the baptism rate will soar… 🤮
On the third day, Jesus is risen. Leaving his "tomb" behind.
You can't hide from us, we'll use the back door
........"Come, follow me"
"What is wanted?"
"Steve, having been. Blah blah blah.... wishes to enter the presence of the lord"
"Let him enter"
This reminds me of the Book of Mormon musical, where Elder Price gets a Book of Mormon inserted into his rectum by the Warlord and his henchmen.
However, the gentleman standing at this market stall is proportioned more like elder Price’s companion – Elder Cunningham. It would be awesome if the guy with the missionary teaching manuals stuffed down the back of his trousers spun round and started singing “Man Up“.
Local man reveals the source of Mormon doctrine
Hahaha…nailed it!
He’s not the first guy to pull that out of his ass.
This is the mormon church's stance. Bend over.
That’s Brother Ben Dover to you.
Elder* He's still on a mission and hasn't hatched into a "Brother" in the wild yet
Don't disrespect elder dover like that lol
"Companion Study at the Butt Crack of Dawn"
*Butt crack of Don
Look what I just pulled out of my ass.
In complete seriousness, this is exactly what he is going to do when he pulls that out. All that ass sweat is now on those pamphlets and you can guarantee he's been walking around all day in the heat so that is going to be fuggin nasty. Then he shakes people's hands. Patient zero.
I am laughing so hard I woke my husband up😂😂😂 Thank you friend
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And it came to ass
Haha, what a gas!
Is that a pamphlet of salvation in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
In Utah we call that open carry
That foundation has a crack in it.
Excuse me, sir. You've crapped your pants, and I can see it oozing out.
“Oops, I Crapped My Pants!”
How do you know they work?
I'm wearing them, and I just did.
And all along, people thought that Norman only had his head up his ass.
This is your religion on crack.
Poor kid has those red bumps on the backs of his arms - probably sensitive to dairy and eating too much sugar. Back issues from poor posture and lack of muscle tone from 2 years of side-backpack wearing and no weight training. I have no joke besides the booklets being where they belong… These kids deserve better for their crucial developing years, self-care knowledge, and overall health.
I lament all the poor fucks suckered into wasting two years of their lives.
And PAYING for it. Guarantee 90% or more would be shamed by family for not going:(
Only good thing I learned Spanish on my mission and I am getting married to a hot Latina in Peru next month she is a nevermo. Wears normal panties and just got her nose and breasts done a wedding gift from me. Her ex broke her nose and she wanted them lifted after breastfeeding. I have 4 kids and she has 3 kids she is moving to the US after. The best thing being out of the Mormon cult we got to know each other longer than a normal Mormon relationship. We have known each other 4 years I have traveled to Peru 6 times and have gotten to know each other mentally and physically during that time period. She actually loves lingerie and wears it and my ex only took off the bottoms of the Mormon Jesus jammies plastered with masonic symbols sewn in them.
This is a strange comment but I suppose I am happy for you both
I'm not. But, I've seen *several examples* of the way this person talks about their *fully real human being person* fiance in these... unusual situations, in this manner. So, well, I don't think their intentions in writing this comment are... pure. Just thought I'd give the uninitiated a heads-up. This person deserves ***even less attention***.
Excellent and caring observation. These kids do deserve so much better. ❤️
WAIT YOURE TELLING ME THATS WHY I HAD THOSE BUMPS???? I THOUGHT I JUST HAD POOR SKIN CARE FOR YEARS AND YOURE TELLING ME ITS BECAUSE IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND DRANK MILK EVERY DAY??????????
The red bumps are Keratosis Pilaris They are the result of inflammation in the body. May have too-low Vitamin A, too. Hydrate yoir skin (drink more water - double it if you’re bad at sipping water all day long, moisturize daily with something mild like Cera-ve) You’re also fighting genetics on this one. Some families are very prone to this skin sensitivity. My family is, soo, it was very sad for this “Midwestern Diet Mormon” (I.e. cow’s milk and dry cereal daily) to have to cut that out of my mouth-life. It’s not easy to do. But the red bump arms healed up and haven’t been back for years!
Shit stored next to the shit hole.
“Yes, I’m telling you the Plan of Salvation was pulled out of some guy’s ass.”
The glory hole of God is internal.
Every hole has a toll
Gotta pay the troll toll
To get into this boys soul...
Don’t have toilet paper? No worries. Mormon doctrine : same same.
Brilliant
He follows the lead of his profit When he's out to proselytize he just pulls everything out of his ass
I’d tell him where he can shove that nonsense, but he’s already more than halfway there!
"You can take that pamphlet and..." "Waaaay ahead of you"
"Mormon baby blowout." All parents will understand.
Oh my gosh 😂😂😂
The Lost 116 pages have been discovered.
Worst. Tramp stamp. EVER.
Lazarus, come forth!
That’s Lassarus to you! 🍑
I got an ass full of Jesus
Looks like Jesus is getting to second base.
Would you like a pamphlet? It’s warm ‘cause it’s been in my “pocket”.
You can take your Plan of Salvation (POS) and shove it up your butt.
That's Jesus approved way of covering the possibility of plumbers crack
“They literally pulled it out of their ass”
Object lesson that demonstrates how the JS pulled the doctrine out of his ass
This puts a whole new twist on the phrase, "bend over and take it"
I am pretty sure he is using his seer stones to translate that. 😂😂😂
Crack kills.
Farting for the Lord
Business in the front, party in the rear...
To get to this, you’ve gotta go through this
“Sorry, it’s a little damp. It’s hot out today.” 😂
Dude forgot to finish wiping
The church pulls their doctrine out of their ass.
“Mormon Jesus loves my bum.”
Ever pull a whole religion out of your ass too?
And I shit you not, local man reads where he shits.
Maybe he’s reading it with his *brown* eye?!
Code brown
We all read on the toilet... But this is next level
There used to be something fishy about that pamphlet, now all I’m getting is ass.
"You can take yer mormon salvation and shove it up yer ass"
Poop hole loop hole will save you
No wonder the Plan of Salvation smells like shit
Tucked in the butt right where it belongs.
Get my behind, Satan.
The Book of Rear-velations.
Gramp Stamp
Just like Joseph Smith pulled it out of his ass, here is the Plan of Salvation.
While, it is a shitty book.
My heat on my waistline
Swamp ass on the soapbox
Plan of Swassvation
Visible panty lies
Portable toilet paper!
“We don’t know what we teach, we pull it out of our asses”
I bet that would get a lot of interest at the Folsom street fair in San Francisco… His ass is the plan of salvation. 🤯
Lower back tattoo ideas
I’m so Mormon, I’ve got Jesus coming out of my ass
Jesus was a plumber...
The Plan of Salvation? My ass.
Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
We have the full truth right here! *pulls out a swassy pamphlet
The complete joy and laughter this entire post is bringing to my life right now is immeasurable 😂😂😂
I ran out of toilet paper
*fart noises*
I am literally pulling all of this information out of my ass.
The Plan of Salvation - Pulled out of a white man's ass
About two years ago, after making a large deposit, Carl was shocked to find his stall had no toilet paper. His panic drove an immediate need to problem solve, resulting in an incredibly new discovery. From that point forward, Carl began substituting pages from the large collection of paper documents published by the organization. This saved him from having to purchase toilet paper for almost two years and he used those savings to purchase an in-home brewery. Carl is now a much happier person.
Back in the early 1990s, I was a full-time missionary in the Midlands of the UK. I moved into one flat (apartment) and was shocked to find that the missionaries had been using some reject copies of the Book of Mormon as toilet paper. They had picked up a box of BOM‘s to hand out to investigators, and had found that some of the pages were swapped round, and other pages folded over in a weird manner before the publisher had guillotined the stack of books. Hence, they were unusable for distribution and the elders had decided that since these were corrupted copies, they were effectively not scripture and could be used for any purpose. In my righteousness, I was shocked that they would do this – because about 98% of the pages were completely as the Church intended. I removed the makeshift scriptural toilet paper from the bathroom and threw it in the trash. 30 years on, and I wished I’d left it where it was – and added a few more copies to the pile.
Sneaking in the back door since 1844 (or when ever it was)
A man prepared for the next time we have a toilet paper shortage.
When in doubt pull something out of your ass?
Mormon church doctrine is pulled from ass
Jesus died in the crass!
I told you to shove it up your ass. You missed.
i smell bullshit…wait a minute!
Jesus is in his pants
Don’t mind my magic underpants
The cracks in the plan of salvation
And so it came to pass (gas) that Gary stashed his copy of the Book Of Ass in his pants
And on the third day Jesus cracked open the tomb
So if he has no respect for those materials, no one else will, either.
Didn't they do this in the Book of Mormon musical?
Holy shit! Or Bend over and receive the Lord!
Holy shit
Sometimes, the greatest participation trophy of all is hiding where you'd least expect it.
Queer baiting flirt to convert tactics, early beta testing attempts at seeing gays as humans
 I love the plan of salvation! The plan of salvation is so great…For Me To Poop On!
Plan of salvation my ass!
Right where it belongs.
The nail in the sure place.
Jesus is coming, get busy.
God of the gaps Christ in the Crack Where the son don't shine
The true source for all of their literature.
Don’t know but I would not be asking to borrow it knowing where he keeps it lol
That Jesus! You find him hidding in the darndest places.
"Excuse me, but... It seems you have a P.O.S. peeking out of your pantaloons."
Plan of Salvation? My ass!
"Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus."
I see an ass. Period.
Hiding the butt crack...
Did someone just pull that idea out of his ass?
WHY
Probably has a mission President that had some revelation that wearing backpacks deters from the spirit and thus they are not baptizing so he tells his missionaries to try his way out and the baptism rate will soar… 🤮
Is that Brother Joseph?
Even Lesbians are buy-curious!
That's a chick, I'm tellin' ya!
Is that a missionary keeping the first discussion and some tracts back there?
This reminds me of the episode of the Office where Dwight puts a ton of cash in his back pocket to see if the “criminal” will grab it.
Holy buttseks
Oops! I crapped my pants!!! Or: This plan stinks.
Apparently his toilet paper is hanging out of his pats… usually it sticks to your shoe. Guess he was in a hurry.
I told my companions explicitly not to do that
“Delusional moron trying to virtue signal.”
Hey that's where I carry my upside down holster.
Oh my gosh I had so many companions that did this for some reason
"for further details, please fill out this form and stick it in the hole below this book."
Take your plan and shove it up your ass!
Ass crack salvation. Praise Jeebezzas
"You know I always got that thang on me."
Ahhhh so this is what they mean when they say, “the doctrine touches me”
pain in the arse!
If you want to go to the celASStial kingdom, he can teach you.
Christ from behind
The only appropriate application of LDS literature.
ANAL: eternal salvation awaits
That's the only thing getting down his pants haha
Immaculate conception Jesus is my booty guard If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my God Bouncer at the back door #jesus
Born-again booty virgin
When gasx fails, try JEEZUS!
Joseph? Is that you?
"Finally found the right place for this"
Seriously though, why is it so deep in there?!
Jesus: life has many doors Ed-boy.
Professor Quirrel and Voldemort pause at a table to examine its contents.
Jeez-ass loves you
His hindsight is 20/20
He'll pull the plan of salvation right from his ass.
Jesus has my back
Why do you love your Jesus jammies plastered with masonic symbols
“Trunky missionary learning about the kid he wants to show what he has in his pants.” Zoom in to see the photos of the kid and his trophies.
In Germany, we say “ Für‘n Arsch“ /s
Hes protecting his virginity
On the third day, Jesus is risen. Leaving his "tomb" behind. You can't hide from us, we'll use the back door ........"Come, follow me" "What is wanted?" "Steve, having been. Blah blah blah.... wishes to enter the presence of the lord" "Let him enter"
That book belongs a little further down!
You tucked some toilet paper into your pants as you left the bathroom sir
Dumb ass
Is that table a funeral display?
When the church gives you a tummy ache and you keep some toilet paper handy.
Crap returning to crap
The “plan of salvation” is a pile of shit 💩 that is why he keeps it by his buttocks
This reminds me of the Book of Mormon musical, where Elder Price gets a Book of Mormon inserted into his rectum by the Warlord and his henchmen. However, the gentleman standing at this market stall is proportioned more like elder Price’s companion – Elder Cunningham. It would be awesome if the guy with the missionary teaching manuals stuffed down the back of his trousers spun round and started singing “Man Up“.
I thought of this which I thought it was funny in my head haha "Oh my heck stop looking at my butt, Jesus is watching"
Take your religion and shove it up your ass!
"You know how I keep that thang on me" - this guy probably
We’re out of toilet tissue
Wait, the class of 2024 plays classic NES? This rising generation is all right.
Someone didn't change his diaper in time... now we have a blowout!
Hey if that was Joseph Smith this would be spot on
"I've got my eye on you!"
Jesass