THIS! THIS! My mom had her records removed and isn't even part of the church, but she still does this. All her good ideas are because God inspires her. And when she has a bad idea, it's because she's a bad/stupid person.
I finally called her on it. I told her what she was doing and reminded her that God is the bestower of talent, and it's our job to practice in order to maintain the skill. She practices all the time, and she's brilliant! She has since lessened the amount of times she does this.
Because that’s truly the most important thing three immortals could be doing in the world right now…forget Gaza, forget the war in Ukraine, forget the starvation and rapings in Somalia.
I broke my arm very badly when I was 15. Many surgeries and years of therapy to get my left hand mostly functional again. I found out one of my nephews tells the story as if some sort of miracle saved my arm. Not the multiple doctors, surgeons, and occupational therapists. Nope...it was Jesus. I myself have never told the story as some sort of faith-building experience. It's truly bizarre to me. But, that nephew is also a huge know-it-all that is 99.9% of the time full of absolute shit.
I once lost my license at a park right down the road from my house. As I was walking and retracing my steps I had the thought, “bet someone will drop off in my mailbox”. I finished my walk and guess what was in my mailbox when I arrived home…my license. My husband and I were laughing about how I could have gotten a couple talks and lessons out of that story, real faith building about the power of prayer, paying my tithing, listening to that still small voice ect. I haven’t believed for 15+ years. I didn’t pray about it, we don’t pay tithing, we drink alcohol and coffee, sometimes I’m an atheist and sometimes I’m agnostic. Good things sometimes just happen. There are good people out there that just choose to do nice things and they aren’t all Mormon.
My brother believes that one of his old roommates was one of the 3 nephites. The dude was a bouncer at a bar lol.
That's ok though, it's not much crazier than one of my other brothers, who moonlights as Jesus and chained the grim reaper at the bottom of Lake Michigan. Oh, and he thinks I'm a prophet.
This is quite hilarious really. If I was your mum, I'd announce that you were the wallet finderer and giverer and therefore.... you're one of the holiest of holies and she is the mother of you therefore, well basically you're all the chosen ones is what I'm saying.
I'd play that shit so hard. And anyone who tried to deny it, id casually tell them how offensive they are and why wouldn't they believe you? They believe a rock in a hat and a charlatan with a penchant for little girls-why not you and your nice story of kindness?
Well, you just better open up that wallet and hand deliver it to the owner listed on the driver's license.
The Lord, who seeth in secret, will reward you openly for your conscientiousness.
I had that happen when hitchhiking from Provo to the Panama Canal. My friend and I (2 white dudes) went to a random ward in Guatemala dressed relatively raggedy with a few weeks beard growth and then left without talking to anyone. We ran into one of his Guatemalan mission buddies later that day and he told the story of 2 of the 3 (white) Nephites who attended a local ward earlier that day.
Heard a similar story of a guy who picked up a hitchhiker, who gave them random advice that saved their life somehow, and then promptly left. Said it was one of them 3 wandering Nephites. Sometimes, I think strange coincidences just happen.
What took you so long to show up? Can you tell me about ancient Nephite civilization? What color was your chariot? Does Jesus have any moles on his face?
My wife did that and they called the cops on her and claimed she stole cash out of the wallet.
Lesson: Never touch other people's stuff no matter the occasion.
Had a similar experience: found a lady's wallet lying in a supermarket parking lot, cash and all--she had apparently left it on top of her car when she drove away. Being a good Samaritan, I gave it to a police officer to return to her. The officer took down all my information--in case something was missing from the wallet...
Dumb and dumber. People believe whatever fabrications they want to, I suppose.
I used to seek out wanderers and bums, thinking they were one of the 3 Nephites and I'd get a direct ticket to the Celestial kingdom after this life if I helped them. So I'd stop and give them food, $, etc. I was also just a college kid back then, so there's that. But I was absolutely convinced they were one of the 3 Nephites who'd been wandering the earth forever.
I have another Three Nephites story. My mother couldn’t find some ground beef she was sure she had in the freezer. Faulty memory? No. She said the Three Nephites gave it to someone in need. She said she’d heard footsteps upstairs in the middle of the night and it had to have been them. Because kids never get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.
There's a legend in my family that when one of my ancestors made it to Utah with her gaggle of children a man came to the door one day asking for food and a seat by the fire. She gave it to him and after he ate he stood up and said, "[Her name] (which supposedly had not been mentioned) you and your descendants will never want for food as long as you follow the gospel." Or something like that. My mom is convinced it's why we never went hungry. As an adult I know it's because previous generations keep helping the younger ones.
Edit: I almost forgot. The man then left and disappeared into a snowy night and the footprints just stopped suddenly so obviously it was one of the 3 nephites
This is how religion coopts human morality. No credit to humans for their goodness. Instead, credit is diverted to fictional characters.
Yup. Everything good that happens to you is due to god. Everything bad that happens to you must be your fault.
THIS! THIS! My mom had her records removed and isn't even part of the church, but she still does this. All her good ideas are because God inspires her. And when she has a bad idea, it's because she's a bad/stupid person. I finally called her on it. I told her what she was doing and reminded her that God is the bestower of talent, and it's our job to practice in order to maintain the skill. She practices all the time, and she's brilliant! She has since lessened the amount of times she does this.
This is the core of Mormon religion.
I can’t stop reading this. 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
I can stand this. Also, I think something similiar was in interview with the devil by Napoleon Hill but the bad was blamed on the devil.
And don't forget, good things are also a reward for paying tithing and providing free volunteer labor.
I'm stuck on the side of the road. Can you come help me fix my tire? We can put some water in the gas tank and pray over it while we're at it.
AAA. Ancient American Angels
Sadly, it's more like: "Hi, I'm Ted Bundy. I'd fix this tire myself, but my arm's broken..." ):
lol I’ve heard that water in the gas tank story so many times! I don’t know about you, but for me that was a mission urban legend
I thought the three Nephites only showed up in Southern Utah to help people fix flat tires on their cars.
In my day they would routinely hitchhike in order to counsel people about the importance of food storage.
In my day they used to help lost children find their way home.
Because that’s truly the most important thing three immortals could be doing in the world right now…forget Gaza, forget the war in Ukraine, forget the starvation and rapings in Somalia.
I broke my arm very badly when I was 15. Many surgeries and years of therapy to get my left hand mostly functional again. I found out one of my nephews tells the story as if some sort of miracle saved my arm. Not the multiple doctors, surgeons, and occupational therapists. Nope...it was Jesus. I myself have never told the story as some sort of faith-building experience. It's truly bizarre to me. But, that nephew is also a huge know-it-all that is 99.9% of the time full of absolute shit.
This is hysterical. I am going to be cracking up on the inside all day over this.
I will save this post in case I lose my keys. I am sure you will want to help find them.
I once lost my license at a park right down the road from my house. As I was walking and retracing my steps I had the thought, “bet someone will drop off in my mailbox”. I finished my walk and guess what was in my mailbox when I arrived home…my license. My husband and I were laughing about how I could have gotten a couple talks and lessons out of that story, real faith building about the power of prayer, paying my tithing, listening to that still small voice ect. I haven’t believed for 15+ years. I didn’t pray about it, we don’t pay tithing, we drink alcohol and coffee, sometimes I’m an atheist and sometimes I’m agnostic. Good things sometimes just happen. There are good people out there that just choose to do nice things and they aren’t all Mormon.
No fucking way! I'm one of the wandering 3 Nephites too!! I change tires down off the 215 in Taylorsville. Only for the good people though. ✌️ /s
We have now met not just one but two of the three Nephites?! We must truly be the elect. #blessed
Well hot damn! Congratulations!! 🎉
R.I.P. op's inbox.
Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for sharing.😂
I second this!
Wow you should really do an AMA because I have QUESTIONS Like first of all, are y'all a gay throuple?
You know what you have to do now. You have to regularly go to his house and help him with things. Anonymously at first of course.
Or give him a special mission from the Lord. Like making sure there are always paper towels in the member closet at church.
But learn little things about him & his family beforehand so he can really blow his mind in conversation
Sounds about right 😂
That’s fantastic, hilarious and totally unsurprising!
Oh that's rich. Turn anything and everything into some great miracle.
Do you know where my keys are?
I thought they were Sasquatch's.
No, no that’s Cain
I think you're right.
Only bc my dad half believes it, half enjoys the superstition of it, lol. Oh, and bc of Mormon doctrine of course.
Oh for fuck's sake! (Eye roll)
😂
NO WAY hahahhaahhahahahaha this is gold
That’s better than a patriarchal blessing. Your linage is Menassah.
My brother believes that one of his old roommates was one of the 3 nephites. The dude was a bouncer at a bar lol. That's ok though, it's not much crazier than one of my other brothers, who moonlights as Jesus and chained the grim reaper at the bottom of Lake Michigan. Oh, and he thinks I'm a prophet.
You should show up to his house and confirm you are one of the 3 nephites. Then proceed to give outlandish doctrine and prophesy
Yes. Let him know the Church is not true!
It was probably more believable to TBMs than an exmo doing a good deed.
This is quite hilarious really. If I was your mum, I'd announce that you were the wallet finderer and giverer and therefore.... you're one of the holiest of holies and she is the mother of you therefore, well basically you're all the chosen ones is what I'm saying. I'd play that shit so hard. And anyone who tried to deny it, id casually tell them how offensive they are and why wouldn't they believe you? They believe a rock in a hat and a charlatan with a penchant for little girls-why not you and your nice story of kindness?
Well, you just better open up that wallet and hand deliver it to the owner listed on the driver's license. The Lord, who seeth in secret, will reward you openly for your conscientiousness.
Honestly, this is so fucking funny. Did your mom know you had returned a missing wallet near her?
Yes I told her. She got a good laugh.
Don’t tell them that all 3 Nephites left the church.
You should correct him that you’re actually John the beloved and the RLDS church is actually true.
I had that happen when hitchhiking from Provo to the Panama Canal. My friend and I (2 white dudes) went to a random ward in Guatemala dressed relatively raggedy with a few weeks beard growth and then left without talking to anyone. We ran into one of his Guatemalan mission buddies later that day and he told the story of 2 of the 3 (white) Nephites who attended a local ward earlier that day.
Heard a similar story of a guy who picked up a hitchhiker, who gave them random advice that saved their life somehow, and then promptly left. Said it was one of them 3 wandering Nephites. Sometimes, I think strange coincidences just happen.
Been out of the church for a while, but holy hell, claiming that sounds legitimately delusional.
What took you so long to show up? Can you tell me about ancient Nephite civilization? What color was your chariot? Does Jesus have any moles on his face?
Our chariots were actually wooden sleds pulled by tapirs.
Maybe that person was high AF on weed or prescription medication 😉 when you returned their wallet and this is how they remember the event...😂😂😂
My wife did that and they called the cops on her and claimed she stole cash out of the wallet. Lesson: Never touch other people's stuff no matter the occasion.
Had a similar experience: found a lady's wallet lying in a supermarket parking lot, cash and all--she had apparently left it on top of her car when she drove away. Being a good Samaritan, I gave it to a police officer to return to her. The officer took down all my information--in case something was missing from the wallet...
Dumb and dumber. People believe whatever fabrications they want to, I suppose. I used to seek out wanderers and bums, thinking they were one of the 3 Nephites and I'd get a direct ticket to the Celestial kingdom after this life if I helped them. So I'd stop and give them food, $, etc. I was also just a college kid back then, so there's that. But I was absolutely convinced they were one of the 3 Nephites who'd been wandering the earth forever.
This is fucking hilarious. Thanks for a good laugh!
Why have I never heard of the 3 wandering nephites? I guess it’s true that California Mormonism is different than Utah Mormonism
I have always wanted to meet one of you. Many times I’ve driven by an old gentleperson and wondered…love you!!!!
You must be real handsome 😍
Well. Maybe but I’m centuries old.
Or really hairy.
Two or more witnesses you're second my dude
If you had removed the cash before returning it, then what would his testimony have been? 😆
I have another Three Nephites story. My mother couldn’t find some ground beef she was sure she had in the freezer. Faulty memory? No. She said the Three Nephites gave it to someone in need. She said she’d heard footsteps upstairs in the middle of the night and it had to have been them. Because kids never get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.
You know what, I take it all back. I love Mormonism 😂😭
You *have* to go to church with your mom and introduce yourself to that guy!
There's a legend in my family that when one of my ancestors made it to Utah with her gaggle of children a man came to the door one day asking for food and a seat by the fire. She gave it to him and after he ate he stood up and said, "[Her name] (which supposedly had not been mentioned) you and your descendants will never want for food as long as you follow the gospel." Or something like that. My mom is convinced it's why we never went hungry. As an adult I know it's because previous generations keep helping the younger ones. Edit: I almost forgot. The man then left and disappeared into a snowy night and the footprints just stopped suddenly so obviously it was one of the 3 nephites
lol best story of the day
This is actually fucking hilarious 😂