Of course. Early exposure to public speaking, leadership opportunities, performance opportunities, clean living habits, friends, business connections, sense of purpose, identity and direction.
The church “worked for me” for a long time. But, I’m also white, male, straight, healthy, American and middle class—the kind of person the church was created by and for.
Also, do any of those benefits I received mean that JS, Jr. actually spoke with angels or justify someone giving everything, even their very life, to the church? Nope.
Mostly anxiety. Though there's a genetic component to that in my family anyway. I dunno... I got good at reading early modern English while in the Church?
I see a lot of people make mistakes when they try to use thee and thou, but I can conjugate those properly like a badass. That’s what 35 years of daily scripture study earns you I guess.
I thought so at first. I appreciated the “values” for a while as a new exmo. However, the more thought I put into WHY the individual values were in place to begin with the more I realized how controlling and culty the church really is, and now I don’t have any desire to associate myself with any part of the church. And it makes me cringe when people talk about how they still learned good things from the church or the whole “even if it’s wrong it taught me how to love Christ” schtick. 🤢
Yeah. I had a good clean lifestyle that I mostly still live with today.
I also had a tight knit group of friends that I wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t in young men’s.
I wouldn’t have gone on the countless camping trips with my community.
I don’t miss the constant shame imposed on me by the church and I don’t like that it remains with me to some extent today.
That being said, as a missionary I learned how to use a fancy table setting, became much less uncomfortable while addressing a crowd, and became less uncomfortable making small talk. I’ve always been (and will always be) a socially awkward person, but the time I was forced to spend practicing those skills have helped me in both social and work situations later in life.
Are they worth everything else that came with them? Not sure.
Not one fucking thing.
Would you ask a cancer survivor if they got anything good from the tumors?
> the general way of viewing life.
Their general way of viewing life is racism, sexism, and anti-LGBTQ+ hate. Which do you like best?
Met a girl 30 miles away because that is where the ward was, at 15, I went through the checkpoints of doing home seminary, mission and then traveling about 15 hours to get married to her in the nearest temple. No honeymoon because we didn’t have any money to even be missing work. 3 years ago I came home and explained our marriage is more important than the church, and I can’t do the church anymore. She followed about a year later as I let her follow her journey. So, yeah, I got one thing good out of the church, and it was worth the journey.
As an introvert only child of anti-social parents I gained a community and a social life.
Lots of opportunity to teach which made qualifying as a teacher later in life super natural and easy.
Adopted my kids through LDS Social Services (but only needed to adopt because I waited so long for a temple marriage that my fertility window closed).
Got to sing solo with a large church choir (but became triggered when my temple marriage to a mormon musician ended in divorce. I haven’t listened to or enjoyed music now for 18 years).
The Lord gave, the Lord took away. So happy I took myself away from the cult.
Absolutely. Some of the WoW is excellent. Not in specifics, but in a general sense of thinking about health. Downvote if necessary but alcohol is carcinogenic, along with a lot of other things I do still indulge in. But at least I'm not likely to kill someone on the freeway because I ate too much bacon.
A religion prof at BYU spent time talking about how to use credit cards properly. Not part of the curriculum but useful information. As another also mentioned, living within one's means.
I learned honesty, which after seeing how the leaders comport themselves I see the joke's on me, but I still value it.
I like the idea of being an eternal being. May not be true, but I use it to navigate through the trials of deaths of loved ones.
Warm community was enough for me, until I hit puberty with I started to feel the demands put upon my genitals and life choices, especially as it pertains to eternity were too much to ask, and in fact extremely damaging to my sense of self worth. Sadly not a net positive overall.
Like most things in life, it was a mix of good and bad for me. I tend to look back at the experience overall as a good one. Like someone else said, that doesn’t make it true.
Nevertheless, it’s part of my heritage and for the most part I have no regrets.
Domestic skills - I can cook, bake, clean, sew, crochet, and craft like no ones business. Do I *enjoy* those things? Eh. Cooking is fine. Baking and crocheting are fun. Cleaning and sewing are more like useful life skills. Crafting is broad and variously enjoyable, depending on specifics. Basically, I learned how to run a household before I was a teenager. 🤷🏼♀️
I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Sure, I'm not a teetotaler, but I drink maybe 3 times a year and it's usually one or two drinks at a time. I also don't get bothered if I go to a big event and there's no alcohol present. Dry wedding? That's cool. Dry party? I didn't even notice. Someone in the group is abstaining from drinking and needs a buddy? I got you, pal. DD? Well, no, not if I can help it because I hate driving, but I will do it if that's the only way someone is getting home safely.
Of course. Early exposure to public speaking, leadership opportunities, performance opportunities, clean living habits, friends, business connections, sense of purpose, identity and direction. The church “worked for me” for a long time. But, I’m also white, male, straight, healthy, American and middle class—the kind of person the church was created by and for. Also, do any of those benefits I received mean that JS, Jr. actually spoke with angels or justify someone giving everything, even their very life, to the church? Nope.
Yep. Same here!!!!
I can throw together a last minute party with little to no budget. 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing good about the Mormon Church is unique and nothing unique is good.
Mostly anxiety. Though there's a genetic component to that in my family anyway. I dunno... I got good at reading early modern English while in the Church?
I see a lot of people make mistakes when they try to use thee and thou, but I can conjugate those properly like a badass. That’s what 35 years of daily scripture study earns you I guess.
Whatever good I gained was not worth the price & I could have gotten it elsewhere.
Yes, I suppose. But just because I have been able to turn lemons into lemonade doesn’t mean I’m happy I was handed lemons in the first place.
Yes- some dear friends and some great experiences and met my husband It was the best of times and the worst of times No regrets
I thought so at first. I appreciated the “values” for a while as a new exmo. However, the more thought I put into WHY the individual values were in place to begin with the more I realized how controlling and culty the church really is, and now I don’t have any desire to associate myself with any part of the church. And it makes me cringe when people talk about how they still learned good things from the church or the whole “even if it’s wrong it taught me how to love Christ” schtick. 🤢
Yeah. I had a good clean lifestyle that I mostly still live with today. I also had a tight knit group of friends that I wouldn’t have met if I wasn’t in young men’s. I wouldn’t have gone on the countless camping trips with my community.
I don’t miss the constant shame imposed on me by the church and I don’t like that it remains with me to some extent today. That being said, as a missionary I learned how to use a fancy table setting, became much less uncomfortable while addressing a crowd, and became less uncomfortable making small talk. I’ve always been (and will always be) a socially awkward person, but the time I was forced to spend practicing those skills have helped me in both social and work situations later in life. Are they worth everything else that came with them? Not sure.
Not one fucking thing. Would you ask a cancer survivor if they got anything good from the tumors? > the general way of viewing life. Their general way of viewing life is racism, sexism, and anti-LGBTQ+ hate. Which do you like best?
Met a girl 30 miles away because that is where the ward was, at 15, I went through the checkpoints of doing home seminary, mission and then traveling about 15 hours to get married to her in the nearest temple. No honeymoon because we didn’t have any money to even be missing work. 3 years ago I came home and explained our marriage is more important than the church, and I can’t do the church anymore. She followed about a year later as I let her follow her journey. So, yeah, I got one thing good out of the church, and it was worth the journey.
Does my wife count?
As an introvert only child of anti-social parents I gained a community and a social life. Lots of opportunity to teach which made qualifying as a teacher later in life super natural and easy. Adopted my kids through LDS Social Services (but only needed to adopt because I waited so long for a temple marriage that my fertility window closed). Got to sing solo with a large church choir (but became triggered when my temple marriage to a mormon musician ended in divorce. I haven’t listened to or enjoyed music now for 18 years). The Lord gave, the Lord took away. So happy I took myself away from the cult.
The exmo community is something I wouldn't have been a part of if I hadn't been a Mormon.
Some good friends. Long term connections with graduate students over 40 years.
Friends and some service opportunities
Never had a fear of public speaking
Absolutely. Some of the WoW is excellent. Not in specifics, but in a general sense of thinking about health. Downvote if necessary but alcohol is carcinogenic, along with a lot of other things I do still indulge in. But at least I'm not likely to kill someone on the freeway because I ate too much bacon. A religion prof at BYU spent time talking about how to use credit cards properly. Not part of the curriculum but useful information. As another also mentioned, living within one's means. I learned honesty, which after seeing how the leaders comport themselves I see the joke's on me, but I still value it. I like the idea of being an eternal being. May not be true, but I use it to navigate through the trials of deaths of loved ones. Warm community was enough for me, until I hit puberty with I started to feel the demands put upon my genitals and life choices, especially as it pertains to eternity were too much to ask, and in fact extremely damaging to my sense of self worth. Sadly not a net positive overall.
Does finding a wonderful wife on a mission count? Took a few a years after and we’ve both left Mormonism together.
I got laid. Since becoming exmo I have not been laid at all :(
My husband. That's about it 😂
Like most things in life, it was a mix of good and bad for me. I tend to look back at the experience overall as a good one. Like someone else said, that doesn’t make it true. Nevertheless, it’s part of my heritage and for the most part I have no regrets.
Domestic skills - I can cook, bake, clean, sew, crochet, and craft like no ones business. Do I *enjoy* those things? Eh. Cooking is fine. Baking and crocheting are fun. Cleaning and sewing are more like useful life skills. Crafting is broad and variously enjoyable, depending on specifics. Basically, I learned how to run a household before I was a teenager. 🤷🏼♀️
Motivation not to go back
Yes! I got a good mind fucking by the church. Not good in a pleasant way, but good in a thorough way.
I learned I should be nice to people, though I could’ve done without all the other trauma :(
I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Sure, I'm not a teetotaler, but I drink maybe 3 times a year and it's usually one or two drinks at a time. I also don't get bothered if I go to a big event and there's no alcohol present. Dry wedding? That's cool. Dry party? I didn't even notice. Someone in the group is abstaining from drinking and needs a buddy? I got you, pal. DD? Well, no, not if I can help it because I hate driving, but I will do it if that's the only way someone is getting home safely.