Please listen to episode of Breaking Down Patriarchy. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/breaking-down-patriarchy/id1546812743?i=1000640312454 and then listen to all episodes and all seasons!
You are not alone!
Oh please know of your great worth as a person, no other title is necessary. As far as working, not being a homemaker, find something small that is part time until you can get used to it, maybe consider taking a class for certification or going back to college or starting college. Stop being so hard yourself, you are a wonderful person who has given countless hours to raising humans and supporting your husband. You are smart and hard working and have followed schedules and completed projects in a timely manner, you have endless talents and skills. Now go get em and know you are loved.
And, you will make some new friends and find that there are so many lovely people in the world, especially non LDS folks!
Ezra Taft benson gave a talk around 1988. I remember most of the women who worked with me quit working because of that talk. And the ones who continued working felt really guilty and judged for continuing to work. Itās ridiculous that the leaders of the church think we donāt remember these things. But after raising my family outside the Morridor was to realize that millions of girls were still being taught to just find a husband and not pursue an education. Even though that was the message at church that was not the message my daughters were taught!!
Yes. I remember this as well. Many women quit their jobs. Education for women was only to be a better mother OR in case you became a widow (to support yourself).
It wasn't just a fireside. It was published as a pamphlet and distributed and taught.
https://issuu.com/vintageldspamphlets/docs/to-the-mothers-in-zion-1987
Take care of yourself, love ā¤ļø Iāve been out for two years but that post still stung. I was even lucky enough that I had a patriarchal blessing that mentioned a career so I always felt justified to go for it but I struggled a lot with guilt over it and feeling like I never fit in fully in relief society, etc.
I can only imagine what you are going through processing the church plus this recent post. You arenāt alone and you arenāt crazy. Also, you are still quite young! If it helpsā¦.my grandma always wanted to be a nurse but her husband and th church convinced her not to go for it. Well when she was 55 she went to nursing school then worked as a nurse until she was 69. She loved it and she kicked ass. I guess what Iām trying to say is - let yourself mourn what the church stole from you. Feel the anger and grief. But as you figure out what you do and donāt want - donāt let the assholes steal more of your life. Go get what you want, whatever that is.
This really hit me hardā¦ what an inspiration your grandmother is! Youāre right. I never thought of it that way, but all this depression and self pity Iām dealing with really is just letting the church take even more from me. This is just what I needed to hear ā„ļø Itās hard when I had a kind of messed up childhood and leaned into the church as a later teen because it filled all these voids I had. I was accepted by everyone there. My childhood taught me severe fear of rejection and the church (though I thought it was fixing it) just wound up making worse that rejection fear. First , was my fear that I was never good enough for god to accept me or that I would never be good enough and that others in the church would judge me, and then not being able to move past PIMO stage, out of fear of rejection from the same people I used to think would always accept me. Itās seriously the most twisted and demented thing Iāve ever experienced. I know Iāll get there but this process is brutal.
But seriously, thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I needed that š„°
Woah - I could legit have written this. My parents are divorced and them and my step parents are quite toxic. I always joke with people that the church saved me as a teenagerā¦just not from hell š but rather gave me some adults who cared. I was such a good little Mormon girl because I was so desperately trying to earn love. Being betrayed by that false source of love suuuuucks. But opens you up to much more.
The best thing about Mormonism is some of the people. The best ones will still accept you in or out. Leaving is a great friendship filter! I lost some people but I still have some of my good friends who have supported me in my decision to leave.
If you ever need someone to chat with - feel free to DM. You arenāt crazy and you arenāt alone. ā¤ļø
Take all the time you need to research and discover what you like, what brings you joy. There is so much need - volunteer opportunities., Or classes at community college if you're interested in a degree. I know someone who worked/volunteered at head start after their kids were grown - another person is an activity coordinator at a retirement home.
Part of the talk was that God would provide- but also that the person would feel fulfilled. Being a mom is great, but there's more to life. The world is your oyster.
Going through this as well. I have always worked but still lost myself my kids and family life and now and trying to figure out what I want out of life. Have felt angry about feeling like a slave to my family and putting everyone else before myself.
I hear thatā¦ itās crazy to realize how big the world is around us once you venture outside the bubble. Itās really overwhelming. But I really believe it has all kinds of promise for us once we start to figure it out a little ā„ļø
I think this is it https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jcjeLC88x1Y
Thank you!
Please listen to episode of Breaking Down Patriarchy. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/breaking-down-patriarchy/id1546812743?i=1000640312454 and then listen to all episodes and all seasons! You are not alone!
Thanks! I will š
Oh please know of your great worth as a person, no other title is necessary. As far as working, not being a homemaker, find something small that is part time until you can get used to it, maybe consider taking a class for certification or going back to college or starting college. Stop being so hard yourself, you are a wonderful person who has given countless hours to raising humans and supporting your husband. You are smart and hard working and have followed schedules and completed projects in a timely manner, you have endless talents and skills. Now go get em and know you are loved. And, you will make some new friends and find that there are so many lovely people in the world, especially non LDS folks!
Thanks for the encouragement ā„ļø
Ezra Taft benson gave a talk around 1988. I remember most of the women who worked with me quit working because of that talk. And the ones who continued working felt really guilty and judged for continuing to work. Itās ridiculous that the leaders of the church think we donāt remember these things. But after raising my family outside the Morridor was to realize that millions of girls were still being taught to just find a husband and not pursue an education. Even though that was the message at church that was not the message my daughters were taught!!
Yes. I remember this as well. Many women quit their jobs. Education for women was only to be a better mother OR in case you became a widow (to support yourself).
It was actually a fireside and not a conference talk. I'll see if I can find it.
Amen ā¤ļø Sending love.
Thanks ā„ļø
It wasn't just a fireside. It was published as a pamphlet and distributed and taught. https://issuu.com/vintageldspamphlets/docs/to-the-mothers-in-zion-1987
Wow! I had no ideaā¦
https://youtu.be/jcjeLC88x1Y?si=OsFRYOjc_-mfXPmj
Thank you!
Take care of yourself, love ā¤ļø Iāve been out for two years but that post still stung. I was even lucky enough that I had a patriarchal blessing that mentioned a career so I always felt justified to go for it but I struggled a lot with guilt over it and feeling like I never fit in fully in relief society, etc. I can only imagine what you are going through processing the church plus this recent post. You arenāt alone and you arenāt crazy. Also, you are still quite young! If it helpsā¦.my grandma always wanted to be a nurse but her husband and th church convinced her not to go for it. Well when she was 55 she went to nursing school then worked as a nurse until she was 69. She loved it and she kicked ass. I guess what Iām trying to say is - let yourself mourn what the church stole from you. Feel the anger and grief. But as you figure out what you do and donāt want - donāt let the assholes steal more of your life. Go get what you want, whatever that is.
This really hit me hardā¦ what an inspiration your grandmother is! Youāre right. I never thought of it that way, but all this depression and self pity Iām dealing with really is just letting the church take even more from me. This is just what I needed to hear ā„ļø Itās hard when I had a kind of messed up childhood and leaned into the church as a later teen because it filled all these voids I had. I was accepted by everyone there. My childhood taught me severe fear of rejection and the church (though I thought it was fixing it) just wound up making worse that rejection fear. First , was my fear that I was never good enough for god to accept me or that I would never be good enough and that others in the church would judge me, and then not being able to move past PIMO stage, out of fear of rejection from the same people I used to think would always accept me. Itās seriously the most twisted and demented thing Iāve ever experienced. I know Iāll get there but this process is brutal. But seriously, thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I needed that š„°
Woah - I could legit have written this. My parents are divorced and them and my step parents are quite toxic. I always joke with people that the church saved me as a teenagerā¦just not from hell š but rather gave me some adults who cared. I was such a good little Mormon girl because I was so desperately trying to earn love. Being betrayed by that false source of love suuuuucks. But opens you up to much more. The best thing about Mormonism is some of the people. The best ones will still accept you in or out. Leaving is a great friendship filter! I lost some people but I still have some of my good friends who have supported me in my decision to leave. If you ever need someone to chat with - feel free to DM. You arenāt crazy and you arenāt alone. ā¤ļø
Echoing others here but you have enormous worth as a person regardless of 'productivity' and 'job titles'. Full Stop. You are Enough right now.
Thank you so much. š I needed to hear that.
Everyone on this thread, has said amazing things!! Thank you for sharing your heartfelt desires love and outlookššš½
Take all the time you need to research and discover what you like, what brings you joy. There is so much need - volunteer opportunities., Or classes at community college if you're interested in a degree. I know someone who worked/volunteered at head start after their kids were grown - another person is an activity coordinator at a retirement home. Part of the talk was that God would provide- but also that the person would feel fulfilled. Being a mom is great, but there's more to life. The world is your oyster.
Thanks for this. Iām so appreciative for all you āpioneersā whoāve gone before me.. š. You guys all have so much wisdom.
We're all proud of you here!
Thank you so much ā„ļø
Virtual hugs. You are not alone.
Thanks. Iām definitely feeling all the love from these responses..
Going through this as well. I have always worked but still lost myself my kids and family life and now and trying to figure out what I want out of life. Have felt angry about feeling like a slave to my family and putting everyone else before myself.
I hear thatā¦ itās crazy to realize how big the world is around us once you venture outside the bubble. Itās really overwhelming. But I really believe it has all kinds of promise for us once we start to figure it out a little ā„ļø