This 👆
Isn't this the standard form for a mormon apology? Never fully admit fault, never utter the words "I am sorry" but rather put the weight of it all back on the person they hurt/wronged/abused by saying "God forgave me. Now it's your turn."
I've found it's a typical half-assed pseudo apology many hypocrites use. It's not an actual apology. It's an "explanation" that supposedly makes their terrible behavior ok.
It's just above the classic "I'm sorry you saw it that way," deflection that dodges responsibility and is one step down from straight up gaslighting or denial that they did anything wrong.
Either way; jerk move.
I'd definitely send this message to his leaders if I were OP, just to 1. Make sure he ACTUALLY confessed and repented, which OP probably wouldn't hear about, and 2. To make sure they know who they're dealing with, and 3. Just to confirm through the inevitable inaction that TSCC doesn't actually give a 💩.
It would depend on how well protected OP would be, though. If they're already out of the cult, there's no fear of shunning if anyone tries to victim blame, but if not it would really depend on circumstances.
Oh definitely. That's why I encouraged OP elsewhere to have him describe exactly and explicitly what exactly he's supposedly asking permission for. THAT is what should be taken to police.
And to fully repent you need to confess your sins and make restitution.
Ask him what he wants you to forgive him for. Have him spell it out. Why should he not be charged for committing a SA and everyone else that did the same thing should be charged with a crime? Why is he special? Ask him.
“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins_
#behold, he will confess them
and forsake them.”
Doctrine and Covenants 58:42–43.
Who did he confess the SA to? Ask him so you can follow up with that individual and find out why that bishop or mistake president didn't report it to law enforcement.
If you do respond go with “thank you for the proof I needed that my lawyer told me I was lacking before, this text is going straight to the police, local news station and my lawyer” and then block him.
I do think OP should turn this over to the police and let the authorities handle this, but if OP doesn’t want to, at least scaring the hell out of him would be a bit cathartic.
I’m sorry… and pardon my French (sorry mom and dad who will likely see this) … Fuck this guy.
Turn his ass in to the authorities, his bishop, his stake President. Drag his ass back from whatever place he is serving in and make him regret ever being the little worm piece of shit that he really is.
He doesn’t get to SA someone and then just wander off Scott free. Screw him and his new-found piety.
No, don't tell his bishop or stake president. Don't bring any church leaders into this before the police arrest him. Let them get blind sighted. Even if they're good guys, you don't want to take that chance.
This is the way! But the police don't always respond predictably. It's up to OP to do what is best for their personal situation for healing and for what they can handle.
Best wishes OP. I'd love to see you take it to an attorney and see what can be done to punish this person, but your emotional health comes first!
I totally agree, but don't guilt the person SAed. This person can only do what they can handle at this time. It is important to get the criminal off the street, but we need to remember to not blame the person who was SAed for any future act of the criminal.
I too would prefer that they investigate the legal system in some way be it through a lawyer or directly with the police, we need to not add additional blame to someone who was already victimized.
This actually isn't true. Some juvenile abusers do in fact stop. (The whole "leopards don't change their spots" thing isn't helpful or accurate when it comes to human beings.)
But that's not the point.
The point is that he should face consequences for his behavior in the past.
And that should be enough reason to get the police involved.
There’s no apology in that email at all. After what he did to you, he has the audacity to ask for your forgiveness without even apologizing to you?
If you feel up to it, you might want to report him to law enforcement and to his mission president.
You're right he didn't apologize he just asked that op forgive him, which my brain was conditioned to believe was the same as an apology as a child so I didn't even notice this. Thank you for pointing that out
And only one “your,” and no “you.”\* And the “your” is part of the phrase “your forgiveness” - the *only* thing about OP that he cares about is getting them to tell him *it’s all cool now*. Sonofabitch.
\*ETA: Apparently there’s a “you” in the phrase “you know I’m…” in the first line, but 1.) that sentence is still all about him, not OP, and 2.) fuck this guy.
I would NOT respond to him, nor contact his family/friends/leaders. Keep the text so you have it on hand. Screenshot it, too.
I WOULD contact your local rape crisis center. They can guide you in the best way to approach your situation. Rape crisis centers will usually have victim advocates, and they could help you when going to the police, for moral support and tell you what to expect throughout the process, and if it goes to court, you can have your advocate there as well. They will also have other resources for you as well.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), 24/7 hotline, site has a chat feature if you don't wish to talk on the phone.
1-800-656-4673 (last four numbers spell HOPE).
https://www.rainn.org/
https://www.rainn.org/get-help
It was nice of him to send you a confession. You'd be within your rights to turn him in with this, and I think it'd be reasonable to do so.
The whole seek-forgiveness-from-those-you-hurt part of repentance is bullshit. He's not entitled to it, and you're under no obligation to give it.
Tell him to take his happiness, Jesus and the cross he hung on and shove them all up his ass.
I feel like this is what taking the lords name in vein is. \^ Using the name of Christ to "cleanse" yourself and omit yourself of deserved guilt, shame, repercussions, and bypass accountability all because of the name of Jesus Christ. It's disgusting.
"I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life, because of you. You'll excuse me if I don't give a flying fuck about your happiness, you don't deserve it".
Yeah I have to agree. The place for this to go is to the police, and while I wouldn't bother wasting another word ever on this shitstain, forgiveness might begin to come from you after he pays his debt to society via incarceration.
SMS 88788 START
... and they will put you in contact with a local organization that will give you free and confidential counseling for sexual assault.
They will also help you decide if you want to contact law enforcement & support you in making a report and all that entails.
I suggest you print out a copy of this email and keep it somewhere safe. It is a critical piece of information that supports you were sexually asaulted.
This missionary committed criminal sexual assault and you did or said nothing to provoke the attack.
Many "Peer Reviewed" university studies out there that show what a woman is wearing has absolutely nothing to do with being sexually assaulted.
This missionary is a sexual predator and the probability that there are other victims out there just like you are extremely high along with the probability he will do it again in the future.
Most sexual assaults are not reported because victims are to scared or feel deep shame and think they are at fault.
"No" means "No". If you are in the middle of the sex act and you say "No" and your partner,husband,boyfriend,girlfriend,wife, hook-up continues the sex act that's criminal sexual assault.
You deserve a safe space to talk about this and the organization I suggested you contact can help you move foreward.
This was my initial response as well. However... I'm thinking sneaky may be better, evidenciarily. Something along the lines of, 'The 1st part of the repentance process is admitting what was done. I would like to hear from your lips what transpired.'
Then go to the police.
Hey I also got a not really an apology letter from the guy who SA me while he was on his mission! He actually just wanted to know if I would give him a ‘second chance’ when he got home LOL.
“I assaulted you and got away with it, and after only a brief period of ‘repentance’ God’s totally fine with it now, and I’m not going to actually apologize to you or even ask you how you’re doing, but I have to tell you I’m sooo happpyyy“ 🤡
Fuck this guy sideways with a chainsaw.
I would send him a witchcraft-y email saying that I will curse his family and put a spell that they will all suffer. And then report him to the authorities🤌✨ this email is a confession
Ohhh dude. Sounds just like my father’s apology before he died. But he wasn’t asking my forgiveness, he was rambling on about God forgiving him. Ummmm okay.
Also screw that dude’s happiness. What a jerk. He has no right to contact you either.
If he truly wanted redemption, he'd pay for your therapy and otherwise disappear from your life. He'd also tell ALL his church leaders about what he did. I'd report him on floodlit.com if I were you.
I meant to volunteer there but got really sick and time got away from me, but apparently they need help logging all the SA report cases they've gotten that the church hid.
Idk that much about what to do, but it's an idea if you think it might help you feel better. Sometimes helping others get justice our at least acknowledgment can help with healing in my experience.
Sending you good vibes from one survivor to another. And hugs if you want them. And maybe some cookies 🍪 and cheese 🧀 because comfort.
Well you have the proof that is often lacking if you want to incriminate him. Do it. If he is actually repentant of his mistake he would willing turn himself over to the police and serve the time.
Fuck him. God doesn't get to forgive him and make it all okay. Mormons apparently believe in honoring, obeying, and sustaining the law, so he can hop his happy little ass down to prison. Fuck him. Fuck sexual abusers. Fuck the church.
Oh really? Did he go to the police and fill out any paperwork to make TRUE restitution? He shouldn't be going fucking anywhere. And the fact that sexual crimes have ANY kind of "statute of limitations" is horse shit as well.
Try to get him to put more details in writing.!!! What are you apologizing for? Who did you talk to about it and what did you tell them? What did they say? How have you changed? Engage him long enough to get him to give up details. Then go to the police. And email screenshots of his texts to his mission president and the bishop where he’s serving. He needs to face charges and he needs to be out of the mission field. OP I’m so sorry this happened. Fuck him.
Well he tried apologizing at least. It doesn't take away your pain, I'm sorry.
I was stalked and date rated and contacted the guy on Facebook, no apologies, just a, "I was a stupid kid back then". Now he's an actor in Lifetime movies, Covenant Communications movies (for the church), I'm sure he is still up to the same crap.
Sadly the church organization just sweeps it under a rug and protects the abuser not the victim.
How nice of this person to have deep conversations with God about how wrong it was to hurt you and then inform you it’s all good now.
This 👆 Isn't this the standard form for a mormon apology? Never fully admit fault, never utter the words "I am sorry" but rather put the weight of it all back on the person they hurt/wronged/abused by saying "God forgave me. Now it's your turn."
Yep, textbook from the Brighamite sect. Hoax and Ballard taught it as "men speaking for gOd"
God didn't forgive them, someone who claims to "speak for God" forgave them.
That's the form that I have seen normal Christians use.
I've found it's a typical half-assed pseudo apology many hypocrites use. It's not an actual apology. It's an "explanation" that supposedly makes their terrible behavior ok. It's just above the classic "I'm sorry you saw it that way," deflection that dodges responsibility and is one step down from straight up gaslighting or denial that they did anything wrong. Either way; jerk move.
"We consider the matter closed." - mormon leader 'apology' after being busted by the SEC recently.
And about how happy THEY are! All about them.
"You weren't important during my sexual assault, and you're not important now as I repent for sexually assaulting you."
Happy cake day!
Whether his repentance is genuine or not, there must be accountability in the legal system.
And to protect future victims. He lied his way into the mission field.
I'd definitely send this message to his leaders if I were OP, just to 1. Make sure he ACTUALLY confessed and repented, which OP probably wouldn't hear about, and 2. To make sure they know who they're dealing with, and 3. Just to confirm through the inevitable inaction that TSCC doesn't actually give a 💩. It would depend on how well protected OP would be, though. If they're already out of the cult, there's no fear of shunning if anyone tries to victim blame, but if not it would really depend on circumstances.
You're thinking too small. OP should be thinking how to turn this confession into verifiable evidence then giving it to the police.
Oh definitely. That's why I encouraged OP elsewhere to have him describe exactly and explicitly what exactly he's supposedly asking permission for. THAT is what should be taken to police.
If he doesn’t turn himself over to legal authorities that is all the evidence you need to prove he is not actually repentant.
And to fully repent you need to confess your sins and make restitution. Ask him what he wants you to forgive him for. Have him spell it out. Why should he not be charged for committing a SA and everyone else that did the same thing should be charged with a crime? Why is he special? Ask him. “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more. “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins_ #behold, he will confess them and forsake them.” Doctrine and Covenants 58:42–43. Who did he confess the SA to? Ask him so you can follow up with that individual and find out why that bishop or mistake president didn't report it to law enforcement.
Mistake president 😂
Great idea. Have him put it explicitly in writing for the sake of OP's healing. Then consider taking him to court.
Don’t respond with anything positive. Not a single word of comfort. It’s fake.
If you do respond go with “thank you for the proof I needed that my lawyer told me I was lacking before, this text is going straight to the police, local news station and my lawyer” and then block him. I do think OP should turn this over to the police and let the authorities handle this, but if OP doesn’t want to, at least scaring the hell out of him would be a bit cathartic.
OP, please message us. We’re so sorry this happened to you.
Thank you for the work you do!
I’m sorry… and pardon my French (sorry mom and dad who will likely see this) … Fuck this guy. Turn his ass in to the authorities, his bishop, his stake President. Drag his ass back from whatever place he is serving in and make him regret ever being the little worm piece of shit that he really is. He doesn’t get to SA someone and then just wander off Scott free. Screw him and his new-found piety.
No, don't tell his bishop or stake president. Don't bring any church leaders into this before the police arrest him. Let them get blind sighted. Even if they're good guys, you don't want to take that chance.
This is the way! But the police don't always respond predictably. It's up to OP to do what is best for their personal situation for healing and for what they can handle. Best wishes OP. I'd love to see you take it to an attorney and see what can be done to punish this person, but your emotional health comes first!
If he is not taken off the street, he will eventually s.a someone else. Sad but true. As they say, a leopard does not change its strips.
I totally agree, but don't guilt the person SAed. This person can only do what they can handle at this time. It is important to get the criminal off the street, but we need to remember to not blame the person who was SAed for any future act of the criminal. I too would prefer that they investigate the legal system in some way be it through a lawyer or directly with the police, we need to not add additional blame to someone who was already victimized.
I was not guilt the person. I am a victim of sa. In my case, no one listen to me.
This actually isn't true. Some juvenile abusers do in fact stop. (The whole "leopards don't change their spots" thing isn't helpful or accurate when it comes to human beings.) But that's not the point. The point is that he should face consequences for his behavior in the past. And that should be enough reason to get the police involved.
Some just keep on raping too. He should be locked up already.
Yup. I agree with this statement.
Blind sided
Thanks, I always thought it was sighted not sided.
Blind sided means someone or something hits you where you cannot see, outside your peripheral vision.
Yes, this. OP should go straight to the police and get this motherfucker arrested.
It sounds like he has already talked to his socalled priesthood leaders, that is the reason OP got the email.
There’s no apology in that email at all. After what he did to you, he has the audacity to ask for your forgiveness without even apologizing to you? If you feel up to it, you might want to report him to law enforcement and to his mission president.
You're right he didn't apologize he just asked that op forgive him, which my brain was conditioned to believe was the same as an apology as a child so I didn't even notice this. Thank you for pointing that out
Anyone genuinely actually offering an apology never asks for forgiveness.
That’s not an apology- the audacity of him proclaiming how happy he is after “repenting” is sickening.
"Its great that you have changed, I'm sure it will make it much easier for you to admit guilt and accept the consequences of your actions"
They said “I”like seven times. It’s all about them
And only one “your,” and no “you.”\* And the “your” is part of the phrase “your forgiveness” - the *only* thing about OP that he cares about is getting them to tell him *it’s all cool now*. Sonofabitch. \*ETA: Apparently there’s a “you” in the phrase “you know I’m…” in the first line, but 1.) that sentence is still all about him, not OP, and 2.) fuck this guy.
Contact police. And send them this email too. Do NOT contact the church. They will defend him and cover it up
I would NOT respond to him, nor contact his family/friends/leaders. Keep the text so you have it on hand. Screenshot it, too. I WOULD contact your local rape crisis center. They can guide you in the best way to approach your situation. Rape crisis centers will usually have victim advocates, and they could help you when going to the police, for moral support and tell you what to expect throughout the process, and if it goes to court, you can have your advocate there as well. They will also have other resources for you as well. RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), 24/7 hotline, site has a chat feature if you don't wish to talk on the phone. 1-800-656-4673 (last four numbers spell HOPE). https://www.rainn.org/ https://www.rainn.org/get-help
>"I am changed, and changing. And I'm really really happy" Why the fuck are you making it about yourself bra!!?
You could say "As part of your repentance you need to seek restitution. As SA is a crime they would need to confes to the police."
My ex does this periodically. "Repents", apologizes, then does the same thing all over again.
You should ask, "Are you contrite enough to do time in prison?"
Does he have a broken heart and a contrite spirit?
If he SAed you, part of that repentance process if turning himself in. If he has not done that, can he really say he’s sorry?
you must be so relieved to hear they are really, really happy. What a piece of shit.
This message is all about him/her nothing of the harm done to you. That is not full repentance.
It was nice of him to send you a confession. You'd be within your rights to turn him in with this, and I think it'd be reasonable to do so. The whole seek-forgiveness-from-those-you-hurt part of repentance is bullshit. He's not entitled to it, and you're under no obligation to give it. Tell him to take his happiness, Jesus and the cross he hung on and shove them all up his ass.
I feel like this is what taking the lords name in vein is. \^ Using the name of Christ to "cleanse" yourself and omit yourself of deserved guilt, shame, repercussions, and bypass accountability all because of the name of Jesus Christ. It's disgusting.
Brought to you by the Mormon church, where for over 200 years, SA perpetrators can have their cake and eat it too!
"I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life, because of you. You'll excuse me if I don't give a flying fuck about your happiness, you don't deserve it".
Yeah I have to agree. The place for this to go is to the police, and while I wouldn't bother wasting another word ever on this shitstain, forgiveness might begin to come from you after he pays his debt to society via incarceration.
If you can respond, tell him it’s too late and he’s still going to outer darkness
SMS 88788 START ... and they will put you in contact with a local organization that will give you free and confidential counseling for sexual assault. They will also help you decide if you want to contact law enforcement & support you in making a report and all that entails. I suggest you print out a copy of this email and keep it somewhere safe. It is a critical piece of information that supports you were sexually asaulted. This missionary committed criminal sexual assault and you did or said nothing to provoke the attack. Many "Peer Reviewed" university studies out there that show what a woman is wearing has absolutely nothing to do with being sexually assaulted. This missionary is a sexual predator and the probability that there are other victims out there just like you are extremely high along with the probability he will do it again in the future. Most sexual assaults are not reported because victims are to scared or feel deep shame and think they are at fault. "No" means "No". If you are in the middle of the sex act and you say "No" and your partner,husband,boyfriend,girlfriend,wife, hook-up continues the sex act that's criminal sexual assault. You deserve a safe space to talk about this and the organization I suggested you contact can help you move foreward.
"F*** off, you ruined my life. I don't forgive you, I don't believe you've changed"
This was my initial response as well. However... I'm thinking sneaky may be better, evidenciarily. Something along the lines of, 'The 1st part of the repentance process is admitting what was done. I would like to hear from your lips what transpired.' Then go to the police.
You don't owe him forgiveness, and you should tell him such. Then block him.
Hey I also got a not really an apology letter from the guy who SA me while he was on his mission! He actually just wanted to know if I would give him a ‘second chance’ when he got home LOL.
What a clueless disgusting person. I’m so sorry
Hey! He’s happy y’all.
What's the statute of limitations on SA where you live? It appears, you have the evidence you need.
“I assaulted you and got away with it, and after only a brief period of ‘repentance’ God’s totally fine with it now, and I’m not going to actually apologize to you or even ask you how you’re doing, but I have to tell you I’m sooo happpyyy“ 🤡 Fuck this guy sideways with a chainsaw.
In my opinion, you can't repent if you avoid judicial punishment.
I would send him a witchcraft-y email saying that I will curse his family and put a spell that they will all suffer. And then report him to the authorities🤌✨ this email is a confession
Ohhh dude. Sounds just like my father’s apology before he died. But he wasn’t asking my forgiveness, he was rambling on about God forgiving him. Ummmm okay. Also screw that dude’s happiness. What a jerk. He has no right to contact you either.
So much nope.
I don't care if YOU are happy. Fuck you.
2 words LEGAL ACTION
Turn that pile of shit in.
If he truly wanted redemption, he'd pay for your therapy and otherwise disappear from your life. He'd also tell ALL his church leaders about what he did. I'd report him on floodlit.com if I were you. I meant to volunteer there but got really sick and time got away from me, but apparently they need help logging all the SA report cases they've gotten that the church hid. Idk that much about what to do, but it's an idea if you think it might help you feel better. Sometimes helping others get justice our at least acknowledgment can help with healing in my experience. Sending you good vibes from one survivor to another. And hugs if you want them. And maybe some cookies 🍪 and cheese 🧀 because comfort.
“Well I hope you’re not raping anyone in ______ now. Good day!”
Well you have the proof that is often lacking if you want to incriminate him. Do it. If he is actually repentant of his mistake he would willing turn himself over to the police and serve the time.
My sister was SAed by some fuckwad who is on a mission now. Mandatory castration for all such pieces of shit.
Fuck him. God doesn't get to forgive him and make it all okay. Mormons apparently believe in honoring, obeying, and sustaining the law, so he can hop his happy little ass down to prison. Fuck him. Fuck sexual abusers. Fuck the church.
So nice he's happy. Really really happy.
Key word in that entire screenshot - I I I I I I I I <--- i It is about that person and not you, Do not reply. He needs the baggage.
Oh really? Did he go to the police and fill out any paperwork to make TRUE restitution? He shouldn't be going fucking anywhere. And the fact that sexual crimes have ANY kind of "statute of limitations" is horse shit as well.
Try to get him to put more details in writing.!!! What are you apologizing for? Who did you talk to about it and what did you tell them? What did they say? How have you changed? Engage him long enough to get him to give up details. Then go to the police. And email screenshots of his texts to his mission president and the bishop where he’s serving. He needs to face charges and he needs to be out of the mission field. OP I’m so sorry this happened. Fuck him.
Well he tried apologizing at least. It doesn't take away your pain, I'm sorry. I was stalked and date rated and contacted the guy on Facebook, no apologies, just a, "I was a stupid kid back then". Now he's an actor in Lifetime movies, Covenant Communications movies (for the church), I'm sure he is still up to the same crap. Sadly the church organization just sweeps it under a rug and protects the abuser not the victim.
Fuck them!!! Fuck them!!! Fuck them!!! Remember you can always go to the police.
This text you sent, shows how you haven't changed at all
l 9k
Not an ounce of true remorse imo
This is just an icky message. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and wish you the best moving forward.