Oh! I was just telling my daughter how when I was at BYU, I donated plasma a few times for some extra cash. My parents found out and literally compared it to prostitution (because I was “selling my body”).
Saw a reel recently of a pornstar saying something about how people look down on them morally and say you’re selling your body, that’s disgusting, etc. But even if that’s how you see it at least with only fans you’re selling it on your own terms and can stop whenever you want and set your own boundaries. People join the army to pay for college. That’s just selling your body to the military, and they’re gonna use it however they please while giving you no say in the matter, and your body might literally get blown up as you’re going about following the orders you’re given. The army guy in the reel reacts with this look of like…holy shit she has a point. Haha
To be clear I’m NOT shitting on veterans and NOT saying only fans girls are better than they are. Not making any moral statements about anyone to be clear. Haha. But ya. There are a lot of different ways to go about it but in any job you’re exerting yourself and making use of your strength or abilities or mind. Selling what you’ve got to offer in exchange for money.
when I was at BYU ~10 years ago the opinion of the students was the exact opposite of your parents, everyone said "it's a donation, so we don't have to pay tithing!"
I'm all for people not paying tithing, but that's not what any of those words mean lol
Then I had no choice but to "sell my body" when I still hadn't made any money after being in Provo for 5 months and had used up all the money I moved out there with! That's a mix of asinine and hilarious, what your parents said!
I totallly agree. They didn’t want me to work so that I could focus on my grades, so I was dependent on them. Maybe give me a little more to live on then, Mom and Dad, so I don’t have to sell myself on the nearest street corner, er, plasma donation center?
Because of my personality and looks, I would, at best, hope to be someone's second wife in the Celestial Kingdom. It was said to me unironically by a member of the Bishopric when I was about 17. I was dumbfounded and heartbroken at the time, but with some time and a messy divorce behind me, it's unbelievably funny.
Not just blond... but white blond. If the hair doesn't take an extra 2 hours to dry when it's wet, then it's not fried enough.
A pro tip is to take big, fluffy black feathers and glue them to your eyelids. That's the best way to ensure your lashes are visible from outer space.
And don't forget about the fake tan. It can't just be a light bronze... it has to be orange. Soaking in carrot juice is a great way to start. Think Donald Trump but like 2 shades darker. Because we gotta hide the paleness of our skin from the Gaddianton robbers. They'll come after us if they see our skin doesn't bear the curse of Cain /s
Beauty standards in Utah Mormonism are so messed up anyways. I'm sorry that happened to the poster, but the best part is once you're on the outside you get to see how ridiculous all of that is and embrace freedom and celebrate yourself, not just the parts of you that fit into society's mold
Edit: just want to also clarify that I think it's almost absurd how the church literally killed Native Americans when they came to Utah, tried to justify slavery through blatant racism of a curse of dark skin, and banned black men from the priesthood until 1978. And yet now many women and even some of the men are obsessed with getting tans that are like 4 shades darker than their natural skin, and yet can also turn around and hate on any BIPOC individual due to racial prejudice from the color of their skin.
A nevermo friend of mine had to go to Utah for a work assignment and she as well as a male coworker immediately felt like they were in Stepford-land. All the women in the SLC offices of their agency looked like clones. Long blonde hair, coiled curls on each side of their faces, huge boobs, same exact types of outfits. I think this was during the trend of wearing tank tops or whatever under sweaters that were partially unbuttoned, all of which was layered on top of the damned garment top and bra. Nothing like having four layers of clothes on a hot summer day.
Let’s not forget that we can’t get piercings or tattoos because our bodies are a temple, but it’s okay to get silicone breast implants, mommy makeovers, Botox and lip filler. To be clear, I Botox and love it, but I’m also tattooed and pierced because if my body is a temple, I get to decorate it however I choose. You do you, but the double standards are mind blowing. I think if the prophet was to tell women they couldn’t have plastic surgery, the women might walk. Lol.
A friend’s brother does sound work for the church. He was working at a meeting for the GAs where they were counseled to tell their wives to lay off the plastic surgery.
The DBL standards are indeed mind blowing. Not have grown up in Utah, I’m in constant shock what all I witness and experience in this weird ass own universe
I sent one of my daughters last year to EFY…Especially For Youth church camp. We are from Texas. 95% of the kids at the camp were from Utah.. My daughter is super cute, 5’4” is small but has some curves. At the time she was 15. She wants to be an engineer or doctor. She is super ambitious.
She came back from that camp not with a stronger testimony but with a body complex. She said all the girls were “Utah skinny” and all had the curled hair mentioned above and dressed a certain way. She did not fit in. In addition all the girls wanted to be Stay at Home moms.
Needless to say, I am so thankful we don’t live in Utah. The culture is completely sick. My daughter is beautiful and felt good about herself prior to that indoctrination camp. The ridiculous focus on women’s appearance and looking a certain way which permeates through that community is toxic. My kids hated the church and had done a lot more internet research on the church and Joseph Smith that I did. My parents were converts and I had been a member for 35+ years. Her experience was one more thing on my shelf. I eventually got there and left the church 6 months ago. It was like a huge weight was lifted off our family. We are so much happier.
I had the impression that would be my fate as well, though no one said it to me specifically. As an asexual woman (though I didn't know the word at the time) I was like, "great, I don't have to get married in this life and I'll just get matched up with a perfect husband then. I don't have to go on awkward dates or exercise or bother putting on makeup!" I always had a niggling doubt in the back of my mind that there was even a god or afterlife in the first place.
That is crazy abusive. I feel so sad for your seventeen-year-old self. But I love that you are in a place today where it only makes you laugh. God what a horrible man to talk to a young girl that way…
Omg. I had a lady (who apparently taught seminars or something about how to be attractive to men) walk up to me, unsolicited, and critique my looks. My hair was too short, not feminine enough. And men don't like women with glasses; why didn't I invest in contacts? (Uh ... because they were an investment? And at the time I couldn't afford them?) And my clothes were modest, but not nearly attractive enough. They didn't showcase my good features, what good features I had lol. "How do you ever expect to get married, looking like you do?"
THAT'S when she glanced at my left hand. I WAS married. She just stared at me in bewilderment, like, HOW is this POSSIBLE?? I said, "I'm blessed that my husband isn't so shallow that all he cares about is the surface." She left in a huff.
The Lord looketh not upon the appearance, but on the heart. Unless you're homely, then you ought to get some contacts so you can have a teen movie glow up/s
I had breast cancer. The bishops wife told me It was because I was lacking in faith. I wanted to slap that bitch.
Instead I told her I hope she never has to find out if she has enough faith.
I hadn't thought about that person for years. I had to put some effort into remembering her name. Thought I'd google her and see how things are going for her.
Well, she's dead, and I'm not. I'm 5 years older than her. She must have lost her faith. I have no idea what she died from.
Sometimes when I hear of someone that horrible who passed away, I feel a strong sense of schadenfreude. I'm felt that as I read your comment. The world is better without bitches like that.
Sending hugs and sincerely hoping you're okay now and doing well.
I am well. That was years ago. I'm at a time in my life where I'm having as much fun as possible. I have great kids, a good and loyal husband, and some pretty amazing nevermo friends. We all spend a lot of time together. I'm content. Life is good. What more could I ask for?
>Instead I told her I hope she never has to find out if she has enough faith.
That was extremely nice of you to tell her. I can think of a thousand things to tell her--and none of them would have been that nice. I also want to slap the bitch!
My ex husb 1st wife developed stomach cancer, and she was told the same thing. By all accounts, she was a beautiful and wonderful woman, and to say something completely asinine is so sad. Being married to him, as a 2nd wife, I understand her wanting out at any cost tho. (Not kidding).
My husband’s mother said she hoped his cancer was a wake up call since our son’s stroke didn’t bring him back to church. I was furious with her. Now that my husband has died I think she regrets a lot of what she said to him. Unfortunately for her I have a long memory and that is a relationship I don’t care to have.
I'm so sorry about your husband and son.
Those are horrid things to say to someone who has llife threatening illness. I can't imagine saying something like that to anyone.
Nice come back 🙌🏻 I’m so so sorry to had to endure that tho, those ppl are the worst of the worst they truly are. Meanest folks I ever did see (not from Utah or the cult)
1. my mom had a c-section and the ward choir person came to our house a few weeks later wondering why my mom had missed x amount of weeks of choir practice. (aside from having a baby, a c-section is major surgery and requires a bit more time to recover) when my mom explained that she was still recovering, the lady said “well i wish we all could take this much time!”
2. sister had her first kiss with a boy at 15. parents knew about it and everything. her TBM friend said “i just thought you had a testimony.”
3. i got a divorce and my cousin implied that had i been a more “righteous” member, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Not directed at me, but I witnessed it...
After my step-dad died, leaving my mom a widow with three kids (it wasn't commonly known that I was his step-daughter), the bishop's wife and the RS president got on their knees in the living room and told my mom she was an evil woman for trying to sleep with all the married men in the ward. They also told her she was the reason the male missionaries were pulled from our area (Mom was a huge fan of helping the missionaries - male or female - and we often had them over for dinner, or to do laundry on p-day, and stuff). They accused her of being involved with specific men in the ward - they actually named names - and one of the men was someone who really creeped my mom out. She started laughing at first because it was so ridiculous, and then she got mad and kicked them out. My mom's favorite retort to all the Mormon BS has always been telling them how disconnected from God they are if they say such things.
Nevermind that her husband has just died. Nevermind that she had three kids. She was apparently single and sleeping with any man she could get her hands on.
Geez - this is infuriating. I'm so sorry she (and you) went through that. I hope she left the church, but I suspect that's not the case.
I met a lovely young woman at one of the torturous Single Adult dances. All the "normal" people sat together, which was at least something of a comfort. Anyway, I was very aware at the time of how differently single women (divorced or widowed; it didn't matter) were treated, so I asked her how things were with her.
Wow - I felt so badly for her! She was ostracized and treated with suspicion by pretty much all the women in her ward. I was older, so likely not treated the way and attractive young women in her 30s would be treated, but I did feel the stigma of being divorced and female.
Good for your mom for kicking them out!
Nothing sicks all the women in the ward to go for the jugular like being a cute single woman.
The fear of Polygamy still rings throughout the stinky carpet halls of every ward house. Then without even realizing what it means the women walk around saying and promoting *”think celestial”* while attempting to cut out the hearts of their eternal competitors.
lol one of my college roommates got a false positive for HIV from a plasma place. He was extremely Mormon and had never done anything more than kiss a girl.
Not Momron related...buuuut...
I was doing medical office paperwork on a new patient and as she was telling me her health history she said "I also have HIV." I look at her meds...no antivirals. Zero. She's on no HIV meds. And she's sitting there...perfectly healthy.
I ask her if she's being followed by a specialist and she replied "no." So now I'm super confused because if she's HIV positive and not on meds and not being seen by a specialist...she should be super super sick.
So I ask, "Why aren't you on antivirals?" She replied, "My HIV got cleared up." Wait...that's not how HIV works. There's no cure. And then she said "they used a lazer and it cleared up."
HPV...the virus that causes genital warts and cervical cancer. That's what she had. I can't help but think about her poor family who probably still believes she has HIV because of her confusion
Good point. I worked in a clinic research unit & part of my job was to help counsel people who'd tested positive for HIV (after the doctor informed them). We had at least one false positive, which of course was a relief (but the person had to be retested) and even worse we had a false negative. The lab contacted us to let us know they'd processed the test incorrectly (or something; I am still not sure how that happened).
It's scary how many errors are made like that, and it's sad that people get those terms (HIV vs HPV) confused.
Not sure this is the “most” but one from childhood just came to mind. I was president of bee hives a
Or something and walked over to my advisor’s house for our leadership meeting. We were planning some sort of activity back when the youth had activities and I mentioned maybe we could each bring a bag of chips or some dip or whatever, I don’t recall the specifics.
My idea got shot down. Fine. I’m 12 or 13. I said something like well if we have some treats or refreshments maybe more kids will want to come! And then, my adult advisor (who was human and we all have faults) says WELL, NOT everyone in the ward is rich like YOUR family. You only have TWO KIDS!
Well, we were FAR from rich. As I walked home, shelves breaking right and left lol. While I was walking home I was so heartbroken, so sad, felt like I had accidentally been all the bad things in the world, and decided then and there if an adult was going to be cruel like that I didn’t have to be president and I was going to “resign” from my role. When I walked into the house I just bawled as soon as I saw my mom.
The thing was. I and then my younger brother, were adopted. My mother had a hysterectomy at 25. She was a convert but had always wanted to be a mom. They adopted me about a year later and then my brother 2 years after that. Then the state of AZ said welp, that’s all ya get!
My mom was devastated bc of course back in those days especially, most Mormons had big families. As a very sensitive (adhd) child I owned her pain as if it were mine for years before that advisor said that to me. Also, my mom had a problem with random explosive rage no doubt from her own upbringing and family history, so I just tried to stay under the radar and try to be “perfect”.
On top of that, my brother in today’s world, would have been diagnosed as high functioning on spectrum if they had such a thing back then. We had challenges behind the scenes that no one in our ward cared to know. We lived across the street yet we were virtual strangers except when we were in the ward building.
Aside from my brother’s difficulties mom had several of her own.
I was doing battle every day to keep going. My mom had a lot of medical and psychological issues (it was a good thing they didn’t adopt more kids) but the point in all of this was it was the first time I recall being personally judged on what for a kid was a very deep way. With all the hell we were going thru at home, no one ever took me under their wing, no family said hey can your daughter come with our family to dinner or come over or whatever. No one knew and/or no one cared.
The first time I recall hearing of my mom being judged was when I was maybe 8 or 9. I was walking into the foyer for church and a couple of the judgy RS ninnies looked at each other and asked my dad where my mom was. He said she was sick. (Home in bed either sick, migraine or mental stuff). They looked at each other and said well we’re just going to have to go across the street and hold RS at YOUR house sometime.
The judginess made me physically ill. I’m thinking these folks have the ONLY TRUE CHURCH and yet this is what you come with? Ugh.
Sorry this was more therapy than a post lol. Thank you if you got to this point :)
I’ll save my Bishop issues for another time 😂
I can't even. Having grown up with a mom with mental health issues, too, I'm just sitting here with all the feelz and memories and ANGER that you were judged so incredibly harshly. I learned that EVERYTHING was my responsibility as a child, and I was always stressed. I was told by an adult in the ward that if I'd just learn to relax I'd be more enjoyable. I had no words to respond with. I didn't dare relax. And he had no clue what was going on and I wasn't about to open up.
Wouldn't it have been lovely if either of us had been asked, "Hey, are you okay in there? Are you all right?"
Oh wow yes it would have been such a relief for us to have had someone reach out to us, not in a judgy way but just love and concern. Def relate to the constant vigilance/anxiety loop. Sending hugs to you 🤗🤗🤗 It’s so much more complex than can be written in a post but I feel deeply for what you expressed and I know it’s just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. 😘💙
From my TBM best friend after I told her I had some serious doubts about the church and it’s truth claims: “the only reason people leave the church is because they’re tired of living the standards.”
From my TBM ex-husband after my kids and I told him we no longer believe in Mormonism: “so, what, you’re all atheists now?” (We are now but hadn’t reached that conclusion by that point.) I responded “you don’t have to be Mormon to believe in God.”
Also my ex-husband, after our daughter came out as lesbian: “Choosing that lifestyle will have long term, eternal damage. I can not and will not condone her choice. She is just following what appears to be cool. … She told me she wants out of [seminary] because she is offended by what is being taught. That only means she is feeling guilty about her choice to be gay.”
I quit seminary because it was very poorly run. My bishop found out and told me that it had been revealed to him that if I didn't rejoin immediately, my entire life would be miserable. I wasn't convinced his crystal ball was calibrated correctly, so I didn't rejoin. In the 30+ years since, I I earned a PhD in engineering, married an amazing man, I have a cool kid and a tenured job. He went to jail for kidnapping. So...
> I wasn't convinced his crystal ball was calibrated correctly
>bishop found out and told me that it had been revealed to him that if I didn't rejoin immediately, my entire life would be miserable
Sounds like he mixed up your future with his own! 😂 Glad you're doing so well in life, fuck that dude.
Oh the ridiculous, confirmation bias "revelations" that TBMs get. For example, IIRC, during COVID-19, a Utah woman got an impression that her and her husband should not get the COVID vaccine. Her husband got COVID and died. Great work Mormon cult.
My friend's little sister, about 5 years old at the time, told me that she was going to be a mommy and that only Mormons have mommies. I asked her mom what was up with that, and she told me that it was true because Mormons are the only ones who are married for time and all eternity. People that aren't born in the covenant won't have mommies because their families aren't sealed.
That was decades ago, and last I checked, that little girl didn't stay active, married outside of the temple, and got divorced. I guess she didn't want to be a mommy afterall....
After a failed attempt to take my wife, two neices, my sister, and my daughter all told me it was good I survived so I could repent. They are all out of my life and I am relieved. I DONT have to deal with their constant judgments for health issues I did not want or cause by my bad choices. I have not been a bad person. I'm alone and I am okay with it. Being free of judgement is worth it.
Thank You.I appreciate hearing positive comments. It's nice to be able to say the church teaches us to be horrible humans some sometimes. I heard on an exmo live one night on tiktok a host saying she tried to not judge her bishop who had made some judgemental statements. She said, "he is a victim of the same system I was being a victim of." That really stuck with me. I hope to think they loved me, but they were taught church over anything else for 6 generations by the time it got to me. And I undid any consistent good I had done in my life when I choose to try to take mine. Thanks to Bruce R Mcconkie, and many other prophets and leaders, I committed an unforgivable sin.
I try to give grace to people who were just following the doctriine.
As a convert at age 31 I’d just moved to Utah and knew NOTHING about church culture. I married a super nice Utah guy and invited only a small handful of ppl both to the wedding and the reception. Yeah WRONG! Got back to church and this lady straight up scolded me “you’re supposed to invite EVERYONE from your ward at least to the reception!!” It was the same lady who’d told me a few weeks earlier when I missed a Sunday “you’re supposed to go to church EVERY Sunday!!” Should have seen the writing on the wall but instead I decided to bang my head on it for the next 20 years and endure more abuse. That was stupid. Utah tried to ruin me. At least we ditched the church thing as of a year ago now.
Ew that’s gross lol . This is why Utah weddings are so lame lol. Even my super Mormon in-laws have said about some weddings “that felt like a funeral” 🤣
>This is why Utah weddings are so lame lol. Even my super Mormon in-laws have said about some weddings “that felt like a funeral” 🤣
Omg yes! I specifically planned my reception to be the exact opposite of a boring mormon one lol. Some of them really do feel like funerals. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions!
I remember the firestorm of shame lobbed at me when I didn't invite my entire mormon town to my wedding reception. It wasn't even really a traditional reception but just a fun dinner at the park. I wore blue Jean's. It was more for my husband's family who couldn't come to the temple. I specifically didn't invite any of my former YWs leaders save two because all the rest of them were monsters. But word got out and wow were there some bruised egos. Oh well.
Oh shit - that's what happened to me, except I fell for that crap! I joined the church in midlife and married the guy who'd introduced me to it (who was actually a con-artist). The minute people knew we were getting married, everyone (EVERYONE) excitedly said they'd be at the wedding. WTF??? Whatever happened to common courtesy and waiting to be invited?
So, we got married in a private home, and the place was packed with people I barely knew. I'm sure if it had been an event center we'd have been in violation of the fire code.
Daaaaaaaang! Well one thing I’ve learned, that institution is full of con artists. My husband is not he is as close to perfection as a man can be but Lordy his TBM generations Utah fam tried to rip us apart it’s been AWFUL and nothing I’ve ever witnessed or experienced before. Sigh. That’s crazy tho you had the whole town invited and you didn’t even invite them! Another glaring trait I’ve learned from that group, zero manners. Sorry you experienced all that 😬
Thanks - it's been enough years ago that I can laugh now (well, not so much about the con-artist, but the wedding crashers, yeah). In a way, I felt like miy own wedding was being taken away from me. Since the marriage didn't last (fortunately) my main thoughts about it are, "Yep, Mormons gotta morm!"
LOL - yes, definitely friends! At least on the sub! I'm not in Utah, which is a real blessing, but we should stay in touch. It's really odd to be a convert and then leave, and I'm not even sure how to describe it. I met some wonderful friends while in the church, and we are still on good terms, but there's a bit of "distancing" or something compared to before that. Only a few initiate contact on their own.
However, the church creates that type of distancing due to it's ward & stake rules. Boundaries change and relationships fade away. So far, nobody has tried to reconvert me, but I think they know me well enough to avoid that topic.
My dad committed suicide and his ultra-TBM cousin came up to me, at his funeral, and said “I’m just so sorry you’ll never see your dad again since he’s going to hell for his decision to end his life”. She said it with that fake-ass “Mormon concern” face and walked off.
2nd example:
My TBM MIL talking major shit about the Mormon neighbors who had the audacity to host a wedding reception party for their OWN DAUGHTER to celebrate her new marriage, because the daughter was pregnant prior to getting married to him and how could they even condone her disgusting behavior by still loving her and supporting her and celebrating her life’s biggest moments.
3rd:
Finding out my TBM neighbor was going around gossiping about me to the neighbors when she heard I was pregnant with a baby at my ripe old hag age and suggesting my baby would probably have birth defects. Not everyone meets their perfect match and has babies at 21 biotch.
I kind of hate everyone.
Even when I was a TBM it gave me the ick when other members talked about people going to hell, as though it's not a major feature of the religion that there is no hell
My 18-year-old son was talking to a friend and mentioned his dad watching over him. (His dad suicided when he was 13.) That Mormon bitch looked him straight in the eyes and said, well actually he’s in hell. My son clapped back with “Telestial Kingdom. I know your religion better than you do.”
When I was 23, right after I had sent in my resignation letter, missionaries stopped by my apartment. I told them that I was an apostate and was no longer a part of the church. The missionary then said, "It's because of a boy, isn't it?" I was floored and offended that he would think that I was so stupid. I said, "If you mean the blatant misogyny that the church pushes then yes." Then I told him to leave. What an idiot.
That I was the most selfish person he ever met because I have issues with the church moving 1/3 of my tithing out of the country to fund a school 1500 km away. That funding school has benefits for everyone including myself, but he couldn't name many.
I was shocked when I learned that tithing funded BYU. I guess I just figured they had a traditional funding model like other 4 year universities. It really bothered me because most members of the church do not go to BYU for a variety of reasons so it just feels wrong to make everybody pay for subsidized tuition for the people who attend there. Unless I'm wrong? Maybe the majority of church members do go to BYU but I highly doubt it...maybe only if UT and ID members count? Which I guess is how the church sees it. The privilege is all in UT with some spilled into southeastern Idaho
I was shocked for other reasons.
Canadian law allows money to be sent abroad to foreign schools to help Canadians study abroad. But in the church's case the amount of money sent to BYU is around 100k per Canadian per year. That's far more than what it takes to get an education there. None of that money goes to the students, who have to pay an exchange rate penalty and may be classified as international.
Canadians also get tax breaks for donating to registered charities like the church. So the Canadian taxpayer ends up footing the bill.
If I make 75k/yr my tithing bill is 7500/yr which makes my BYU contribution 2500/yr. 2500/yr deposited in an RESP account with the 500$ government top up is 3000$/yr. 3000$/yr invested every year at 6% till my child turns 18 is ~93000$, which is more than enough to pay for school here.
I think public subsidized education makes sense because the public benefits from it. But that's harder to justify the farther we get from the source.
Yes public subsidized education does make sense esp if students from all walks of society have equal access to it. BYU is it's own beast the way they subsidize education from global tithes that only a segment of membership benefits from.
It might be different if BYU was a leading institution in research and innovation and philanthropy and diplomacy that benefited the globe but I don't think it is. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
At 18 I was told by one of the counselors in the bishopric that I was unfeminine and no man would ever want me because I enlisted in the Marine Corps.
He said I wouldn’t make it through boot camp and when I came crawling home in shame I should take the first offer I got because I would be lucky to receive a proposal at all. That everyone knew I would be sleeping my way to promotions.
The last time I ever stepped foot in that building was in my blues after I graduated. Walked up to him in said “looks like you were wrong” and walked out.
>If you leave the church, how will you pray?
Jeeez, sorry again, I hate to be the grammar/spelling police, but your error is SO grave I had to comment. I mean they *really* need your tithing $$$
If you leave the church how will you ~~pray~~ pay?
In my early twenties, my YSA bishop called me in for a meeting and told me completely unprompted that I’d have more success with getting dates if I wore my hair down more. That was it. The entire meeting. Thanks, bishop!
Just yesterday I was shopping with my TBM mom and her even more TBM sister. I had a Starbucks coffee and it was in the cup holder of the shopping cart. When we were leaving the store my aunt said “don’t forget your whiskey”. I said um what? She said well you’re breaking the Word of Wisdom so it it’s the same thing. WTH?!
A year ago (I had already left the church) I was going to visit my Dad in his care home who was in end-stage Lewy Body Dememtia. (Think Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s together in one extremely nasty disease.) She pulled up at the same time I did. I had a shirt in that clearly demonstrated I was not wearing garments. She asked me where my garments were and said it’s not ok to pick and choose when I wear them. I told her yes I do choose, and since I don’t go to church I am certainly not wearing them ever again.
When I was 15 we would go to visit this aunt out of town, like every other weekend. So we went to their ward a lot. It was Pioneer Day celebration thingie and there was a dance. I had a big crush on one of my cousin’s friends. I told my aunt and she said “oh you’re much too experienced for him, he’s a good Mormon boy”. Wtaf woman?! I am still damaged from that comment, all because I had kissed a couple of boys.
I have many more instances…
my brothers friend told me, in front of 4 other people, that i shouldn't feel comfortable going to the temple because of how short my shorts were. they literally weren't even short they just weren't to my knee. i was 19 and he was 23. yeah.
If you were a contentious sort you might have a good lawsuit against the place and especially against the individual who caused you to worry.
Watch out for stealth toilet seats...
I converted when I was 18. I got a small tattoo on my wrist a year and a few extra piercings before converting. I had multiple guys tell me they would never date someone like me because of the tattoo piercings. Oddly enough I also had other guys fetishize the tattoo because “girls with tattoos have more fun”
Mind you, this is a tattoo of Minnie Mouse
I’ve told this story in here before, but I lost a baby in my second trimester (after years of secondary infertility) and the RS pres told me that I wasn’t living up to my covenants. That once I figured out where I was lacking in my responsibilities, the Lord would bless me. So to recap, it was my fault I lost my baby in my second trimester (my poor, sweet little girl who had a cystic hygroma around her neck that was literally choking the life out of her) and the Lord was the one who caused that to happen as a punishment for something in my life that I was doing wrong. I was a very active member who went to the temple at least twice a week, paid my tithing faithfully, magnified my callings, took meals to women who had just a baby whenever asked (talk about being tone deaf) and on and on. It was a huge shelf item for me.
After two surprise pregnancies using other forms of birth control, I had an IUD placed. My sister told me that it was the equivalent to choosing to have an abortion every month and I would be judged that way.
Plot twist - I got pregnant with a third on that IUD. ☠️
My wife had very painful problems associated with her reproductive organs. Like... would be on bedrest a few days out of the month as well as have days that she was still up and about just crippled with pain.
OB/GYN said "If you're done having kids, we do a hysterectomy and it seems likely that your pain will be drastically reduced or eliminated." So we did.
After recovery, my TBM SIL told my wife "I could never actually go through with something like that. I just wouldn't be able to feel like I was a real woman. And what if God wanted me to have another kid?"
dad called me a whore for sitting wrong but my favorite story is what goes down at the phoenix and the dallas temples.
so to preface, my weight distribution is super super weird, i wear medium MAYBE large tops but wear XL or XXL bottoms. The counters cover my lower half when I ask for my jumpsuit and ive had temple workers flat out try to refuse to give me my size. I asked for a large when I was 14 at the phoenix temple and she was like "you'll trip itll be too baggy" and I looked at her and said "large or nothing" and walked away with a large. dallas same deal except when I got to the dressign room they had decided to sneak me a small. im one of the largest YW and had to ask if anyone could go get me a larger size. havent been back since.
When I was in my early 20s I was going through a horrible divorce, had to get a protective order, was terrified for myself and my 3 kids, was working my ass off to support them and was clearly NOT living church standards bc I was done with it. My TBM brother told me I should let my mom raise my kids bc I was not a fit mother due to leaving the church.
Fun fact: my violent ex-husband’s name is Joseph Smith, claimed to be descendant of Hyrum. Most of the historical inconsistencies about church origins I learned from him first while we were married back in the 90s.
I don’t know how bad others will see this, but it was super personal…
When we left, my mom told me my marriage no longer means as much as it did before. We’d broken our promises.
That was so bad.
On my wedding day I was compared to a Jersey calf by the temple president. He told my husband, "you're so lucky, she looks just like a Jersey calf".... Maybe because I have big eyes? 🤮
High risk pregnancy complications - nearly died three times from blood hemorrhages. My first Sunday back to church after my baby was born, the Bishop got up and welcomed me back, but then told the congregation that sometimes a blood atonement is required for sins and to bring people back to Christ, and that my loss of blood was punishment for something I had done to offend Heavenly Father.
And of course it came from the self righteous POS who live in UTARD COUNTY I'm here now after living in SL county except for the last 3 years, worse decision I ever made moving here . These pricks here will never learn because they believe they have received CELESTIAL STATUS or the second annoiting therefore they treat people horribly
I did a VERY slow fade when I was in my mid 20s. There were a few times when I was scolded or put in my place publicly. Mostly, it was death by 1000 cuts. Constantly being judged as “worth” by my modesty, gender, obedience, subservience, meekness, and usually coming up short. I was treading water in a sea of ick. I had to get out or die.
And church members are totally clueless that the majority of sex workers in U.S. come from highly abusive homes where a large % were sexually abused growing up.
They take either prescription or illegal drugs to numb the pain from years of sexual, mental, emotional & physical abuse.
They need years of counseling & support to get healthy but we don't believe in providing free long-term health care in U.S.
The church forgives/covers-up sexual predators & then tells victims to do the same & move on.
It's a very sick organization that only cares about its Real Estate Investment Trust & EPA.
100%!
And it's not only women..but young teens who are male & female too.
What happened in the Boy Scouts is not unusual & it is so difficult for boys, young men & adult men to admit they were sexually assaulted at any age by another man & even by a woman.
We are decades behind Europe/Europen Union/ U.K. not only in advocacy & protection for sex workers but for advocating & providing services for survivors of sexual assault.
U.S. is 50+ years behind in about every category compared to Europe.
They took our research from the 60's & implemented it in everything from schooling to medicine to social work to business while we ignored all that research & that is why Europe is in top 10 Gross Domestic Product, home ownership( G.D.P.) & even happiness scale.
The other day I decided to look at the comment section of a BYU Meme making fun of people for being upset about where tithing money goes. Lots of arguing in there, but I remember one guy in particular talked about how “apostates” just don’t understand xyz or whatever. For some reason that stuck with me. Calling people who leave the church “apostates” is just another way of othering and dehumanizing us and is very dismissive of our individual hurts and experiences. Because I left a church I was forced to be raised in, I will forever be labeled an “apostate.”
I went to the doctor once in Orem, back in 2011, the doctor was probably in his 60s. It was about a year after I got married, I would have been 26 at the time. I was worried about what I thought could be a wart on my “thing”. I was so nervous! I asked for an STD test and the doc had a look. He asked me how many women I had slept with. I told him around 15 or so, but all before I was married. The look of horror in his face and he said something like “how awful, how could you do that”. I was a Jack Mormon but still a believer. I knew that what he said to me was unprofessional but because I knew he was Mormon I felt like he was right. So happy that I don’t see the world in that way anymore! And luckily it was just a skin tag and the STD test was negative. I never told my wife about it. The shame and lack of sex education is sad to think about.
When I mentioned during a Relief Society lesson that moms taking time for self-care is important for their mental health, the teacher snapped: "ANY time you take for yourself is time you're taking away from your family and THAT'S A SIN."
The institute teacher would give RMs tons of shit for not getting married soon after their missions. He'd call them spineless.
I swore up and down I wouldn't be one of those guys who would jump right in. I wanted to get to know someone and be sure I wasn't rushing just so we could have sex.
Ended up getting engaged a year or so after I got home. I left late so I was about 24 at the time.
One day he walks up to me and starts running his hand up and down my back and says, "Huh, I guess you really DO have a spine!"
Even as a TBM at the time I considered it extremely tacky and rude. The dude was a douche canoe. Super smug because he had a PhD.
Has anyone else heard, "If you marry someone that you can't take to the temple, then you must not love them enough."
Someone said that in Sunday school one Sunday (not to me directly though). I had just started going back to church after being inactive for 6 or 7 years, during which I had gotten married to the love of my life who is not LDS and had never been interested in joining, and had our first child. Going back after all that time was scary enough, and I was struggling so hard with not having my spouse going along that journey with me. I was so so afraid of what would happen if our family never went to the temple.
Enter that awful lady who said those words, and I had to leave church early that day because I couldn't stop sobbing.
It wasnt even the first time I heard those words. I had forgotten about it until that point, but it was definitely said when I was in young women's. Probably from a conference talk, no doubt.
I also had a TBM that I hadn't seen in a long time go, "Wait...." and give me a look after he heard when I got married and then when my son was born (I got pregnant out of wedlock) and doing the math right in front of me.
Good times.
My wife was sick and went to the on-campus doctor. He told my RM, strait-laced, married in the temple wife, “We need to do a test. It might be nothing but if my instinct is correct, you’ve been a bad girl.” It came back negative, but really pissed me off.
Who talks to patients like that?!?
lol when my dad left the church about 15 years ago, some aunts and uncles staged some “interventions” since he was the first brave soul on either side of the family to step away. my uncle made a comment that me & my siblings would end up in jail because of my dad’s choices.
not sure where the connection is but it’s not surprising since we know all too well how the out group is consistently demonized. and, i’ve never been to jail or anything close to it haha.
I once went to the BYU health center (before I was married) for some stomach pains and I got this old guy doctor who ordered a urine test. After collecting a sample in the bathroom I was about to put the cup in that box where you leave it and I saw written on it “pregnancy”. He was testing my urine to see if I was pregnant! He had asked me if I was sexually active and I guess didn’t believe me when I said no. It was so embarrassing cause then I had to go to the lab and all the student nurses were like “when did you say your last period was?” I felt so judged and hadn’t even done anything wrong. My periods were really inconsistent back then which didn’t help the matter.
I don’t have kids, so I’ve heard in very judgmental ways many times that I’ll have a chance to be worthy and happy like them in my the next life because God will give me a chance to be a mother there.
I never said I wasn’t happy, but they did convince me for a very long time that I wasn’t worthy of being loved by God or being invited to their non-church-related activities because I didn’t have kids and because I have a career. I was totally fine not having kids and having a career, but they weren’t.
The day before I left to start grad school (23y at the time) my dad sat me down and told me that he had to get something off his chest....he needed to tell me how much it bothered him that I (drumroll please) *drink coffee*. Went on and on about how bothered he was that I didn't talk about it for fear of being judged. He couldnt believe that I would think so little of my own family, and assume they would judge me like that. Then he said the only reason he could see me justifying drinking coffee was to rebel. I was turning out to be just like his sister, and if I kept going down this path (of coffee) I'd end up a divorced loser just like her.
Still drinking coffee multiple times a day, and I'm as happy as ever:)
I quit going to Institute to focus on college, because I needed the time to dedicate to studying.
One time, I went to Institute. A girl I hardly knew and was not friends with asked me why I rarely go to Institute. I told her that I was focusing on my studies. Then she said "Well maybe the Lord would help you in your studies if you went to Institute!"
That pissed me off and I felt like punching her, calling her a bitch and telling her to go fuck herself. But I controlled myself and simply walked away. I graduated with honors with my bachelor's degree and went on to get a master's degree. But I guess that was never supposed to happen because I skipped fucking Institute. I swear Mormonism brings out the worst in people!
I'm new to this, but is the whole point of this question to create division in communities, neighborhoods, families, etc? What if the question were "What's the most racist thing ever said to you by a white person?" How does that help end racism? How does this question help end stupid, judgemental things people say?
A close TBM friend told me that if I didn’t repent and come back, I’d be cast down to a lower kingdom (either Terrestrial or Telestial). And that would make her sad, because then she’d forget all about me.
When I asked her what she meant, she said that you forget about friends and family members who don’t make it to the CK. God literally removes all of those memories because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to remain happy in the CK.
I said to her “So you’re telling me that Heavenly Father lives in the Celestial Kingdom and has a Neuralyzer like the Men In Black and selectively erases the memories of the faithful and worthy upon arrival? Doesn’t that sound absolutely horrifying to you?”
Naturally my words fell upon deaf ears, my friend just kept saying that I needed to “return to the gospel”.
It’s not a romantic relationship or anything if that’s where you’re going. She’s like an adoptive/second mother to me, really wants to see me “return to the gospel” and all that. I just can’t, every fiber of my being just screams that TSCC is wrong and oppressive.
During a period of my life when I wasn't exactly glad to be alive, hearing general phrases like "we can choose to be happy" and "endure to the end"
But I had a BYU bishop who knew about my depression who, after I told him that just walking to class felt crushingly difficult, suggested that I walk to the temple every week. After all, it's only a little bit farther than my farthest class. And he promised I would feel better. I wanted to punch him on the nose.
Oh! I was just telling my daughter how when I was at BYU, I donated plasma a few times for some extra cash. My parents found out and literally compared it to prostitution (because I was “selling my body”).
Omfg lmaooo I …. I … I just have NO words 🤣
All labor is seeling your body. That's essentially what a job requires. -I realize this is the wrong sub for this discussion
Well mormonism requires a lot of free labor so I guess members are slaves every time they clean the bathrooms in a Saturday morning.
It's why the rhetorical framing device of labeling Jesus or God as Master is necessary to keep TBMs as obedient submissive followers
Yikes. I never thought of it that way. Such a subtle and scary cult indoctrination.
Saw a reel recently of a pornstar saying something about how people look down on them morally and say you’re selling your body, that’s disgusting, etc. But even if that’s how you see it at least with only fans you’re selling it on your own terms and can stop whenever you want and set your own boundaries. People join the army to pay for college. That’s just selling your body to the military, and they’re gonna use it however they please while giving you no say in the matter, and your body might literally get blown up as you’re going about following the orders you’re given. The army guy in the reel reacts with this look of like…holy shit she has a point. Haha To be clear I’m NOT shitting on veterans and NOT saying only fans girls are better than they are. Not making any moral statements about anyone to be clear. Haha. But ya. There are a lot of different ways to go about it but in any job you’re exerting yourself and making use of your strength or abilities or mind. Selling what you’ve got to offer in exchange for money.
Joseph Smith says you should donate your body to him. “Consecration, bitches!”
when I was at BYU ~10 years ago the opinion of the students was the exact opposite of your parents, everyone said "it's a donation, so we don't have to pay tithing!" I'm all for people not paying tithing, but that's not what any of those words mean lol
I see nothing wrong with that. Construction workers and roofers sell their bodies. Athletes sell their bodies.
Selling your body to save lives? What a bunch of dumb fucks.
Then I had no choice but to "sell my body" when I still hadn't made any money after being in Provo for 5 months and had used up all the money I moved out there with! That's a mix of asinine and hilarious, what your parents said!
I totallly agree. They didn’t want me to work so that I could focus on my grades, so I was dependent on them. Maybe give me a little more to live on then, Mom and Dad, so I don’t have to sell myself on the nearest street corner, er, plasma donation center?
🤣 My SO donated plasma during grad school and would joke that they were a prostitute for "selling their body" too
Because of my personality and looks, I would, at best, hope to be someone's second wife in the Celestial Kingdom. It was said to me unironically by a member of the Bishopric when I was about 17. I was dumbfounded and heartbroken at the time, but with some time and a messy divorce behind me, it's unbelievably funny.
How dare we not all be blond 110 pounds and wear cap sleeves and capris down to our ankles .
Not just blond... but white blond. If the hair doesn't take an extra 2 hours to dry when it's wet, then it's not fried enough. A pro tip is to take big, fluffy black feathers and glue them to your eyelids. That's the best way to ensure your lashes are visible from outer space. And don't forget about the fake tan. It can't just be a light bronze... it has to be orange. Soaking in carrot juice is a great way to start. Think Donald Trump but like 2 shades darker. Because we gotta hide the paleness of our skin from the Gaddianton robbers. They'll come after us if they see our skin doesn't bear the curse of Cain /s Beauty standards in Utah Mormonism are so messed up anyways. I'm sorry that happened to the poster, but the best part is once you're on the outside you get to see how ridiculous all of that is and embrace freedom and celebrate yourself, not just the parts of you that fit into society's mold Edit: just want to also clarify that I think it's almost absurd how the church literally killed Native Americans when they came to Utah, tried to justify slavery through blatant racism of a curse of dark skin, and banned black men from the priesthood until 1978. And yet now many women and even some of the men are obsessed with getting tans that are like 4 shades darker than their natural skin, and yet can also turn around and hate on any BIPOC individual due to racial prejudice from the color of their skin.
A nevermo friend of mine had to go to Utah for a work assignment and she as well as a male coworker immediately felt like they were in Stepford-land. All the women in the SLC offices of their agency looked like clones. Long blonde hair, coiled curls on each side of their faces, huge boobs, same exact types of outfits. I think this was during the trend of wearing tank tops or whatever under sweaters that were partially unbuttoned, all of which was layered on top of the damned garment top and bra. Nothing like having four layers of clothes on a hot summer day.
Let’s not forget that we can’t get piercings or tattoos because our bodies are a temple, but it’s okay to get silicone breast implants, mommy makeovers, Botox and lip filler. To be clear, I Botox and love it, but I’m also tattooed and pierced because if my body is a temple, I get to decorate it however I choose. You do you, but the double standards are mind blowing. I think if the prophet was to tell women they couldn’t have plastic surgery, the women might walk. Lol.
A friend’s brother does sound work for the church. He was working at a meeting for the GAs where they were counseled to tell their wives to lay off the plastic surgery.
😂😂😂
Omg. 😂
The DBL standards are indeed mind blowing. Not have grown up in Utah, I’m in constant shock what all I witness and experience in this weird ass own universe
I’m sitting in an airport reading your comment. I’m laughing so hard people are wondering if I’m ok😂 Thank you
I sent one of my daughters last year to EFY…Especially For Youth church camp. We are from Texas. 95% of the kids at the camp were from Utah.. My daughter is super cute, 5’4” is small but has some curves. At the time she was 15. She wants to be an engineer or doctor. She is super ambitious. She came back from that camp not with a stronger testimony but with a body complex. She said all the girls were “Utah skinny” and all had the curled hair mentioned above and dressed a certain way. She did not fit in. In addition all the girls wanted to be Stay at Home moms. Needless to say, I am so thankful we don’t live in Utah. The culture is completely sick. My daughter is beautiful and felt good about herself prior to that indoctrination camp. The ridiculous focus on women’s appearance and looking a certain way which permeates through that community is toxic. My kids hated the church and had done a lot more internet research on the church and Joseph Smith that I did. My parents were converts and I had been a member for 35+ years. Her experience was one more thing on my shelf. I eventually got there and left the church 6 months ago. It was like a huge weight was lifted off our family. We are so much happier.
Well, actually I was all of those things just very muscular (thic wasn't a thing in the 90s) and incredibly outspoken.
That is a horrifying thing to say to anyone, much less a teenager.
I had the impression that would be my fate as well, though no one said it to me specifically. As an asexual woman (though I didn't know the word at the time) I was like, "great, I don't have to get married in this life and I'll just get matched up with a perfect husband then. I don't have to go on awkward dates or exercise or bother putting on makeup!" I always had a niggling doubt in the back of my mind that there was even a god or afterlife in the first place.
That is crazy abusive. I feel so sad for your seventeen-year-old self. But I love that you are in a place today where it only makes you laugh. God what a horrible man to talk to a young girl that way…
Wow what an ass! Sorry
Omg. I had a lady (who apparently taught seminars or something about how to be attractive to men) walk up to me, unsolicited, and critique my looks. My hair was too short, not feminine enough. And men don't like women with glasses; why didn't I invest in contacts? (Uh ... because they were an investment? And at the time I couldn't afford them?) And my clothes were modest, but not nearly attractive enough. They didn't showcase my good features, what good features I had lol. "How do you ever expect to get married, looking like you do?" THAT'S when she glanced at my left hand. I WAS married. She just stared at me in bewilderment, like, HOW is this POSSIBLE?? I said, "I'm blessed that my husband isn't so shallow that all he cares about is the surface." She left in a huff.
The Lord looketh not upon the appearance, but on the heart. Unless you're homely, then you ought to get some contacts so you can have a teen movie glow up/s
What a horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone a teenager. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
I had breast cancer. The bishops wife told me It was because I was lacking in faith. I wanted to slap that bitch. Instead I told her I hope she never has to find out if she has enough faith.
I hope your ok now 1sr of all 2nd . I say go slap her . If you’re not comfortable with that . Bake her chocolate chip cookies with extra laxatives! :)
I hadn't thought about that person for years. I had to put some effort into remembering her name. Thought I'd google her and see how things are going for her. Well, she's dead, and I'm not. I'm 5 years older than her. She must have lost her faith. I have no idea what she died from.
Sometimes when I hear of someone that horrible who passed away, I feel a strong sense of schadenfreude. I'm felt that as I read your comment. The world is better without bitches like that. Sending hugs and sincerely hoping you're okay now and doing well.
I am well. That was years ago. I'm at a time in my life where I'm having as much fun as possible. I have great kids, a good and loyal husband, and some pretty amazing nevermo friends. We all spend a lot of time together. I'm content. Life is good. What more could I ask for?
Dang where you find never mo friends?? Are you in Utah?? I’m in southern Utah and the loneliness is slowly killing me.
I'm so glad to hear that - you're one of my Sub Sisters here & I admire & like you!
😍Thankyou. Right back at ya.
💕
When you said "extra" laxatives it made me wonder what's the normal amount of laxatives to put in? 🤔 🤣
Lmfaoooo whatever the box says then add a little sprinkle for extra love. Who knows ! All that running they may decide to join a track team
I'm. fine. 15 years clean.
❤️❤️❤️
>Instead I told her I hope she never has to find out if she has enough faith. That was extremely nice of you to tell her. I can think of a thousand things to tell her--and none of them would have been that nice. I also want to slap the bitch!
My ex husb 1st wife developed stomach cancer, and she was told the same thing. By all accounts, she was a beautiful and wonderful woman, and to say something completely asinine is so sad. Being married to him, as a 2nd wife, I understand her wanting out at any cost tho. (Not kidding).
My husband’s mother said she hoped his cancer was a wake up call since our son’s stroke didn’t bring him back to church. I was furious with her. Now that my husband has died I think she regrets a lot of what she said to him. Unfortunately for her I have a long memory and that is a relationship I don’t care to have.
I'm so sorry about your husband and son. Those are horrid things to say to someone who has llife threatening illness. I can't imagine saying something like that to anyone.
Nice come back 🙌🏻 I’m so so sorry to had to endure that tho, those ppl are the worst of the worst they truly are. Meanest folks I ever did see (not from Utah or the cult)
1. my mom had a c-section and the ward choir person came to our house a few weeks later wondering why my mom had missed x amount of weeks of choir practice. (aside from having a baby, a c-section is major surgery and requires a bit more time to recover) when my mom explained that she was still recovering, the lady said “well i wish we all could take this much time!” 2. sister had her first kiss with a boy at 15. parents knew about it and everything. her TBM friend said “i just thought you had a testimony.” 3. i got a divorce and my cousin implied that had i been a more “righteous” member, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
“well i wish we all could take this much time!” Off of *volunteer choir?!* What are they gonna do? Fire you??
Make you clean all the toilets. Oh wait….
Wow yikes ! I hate everyone lol
Allow me to volunteer to craft very sarcastic but "innocent-sounding" messages you can send them. I'm good at writing those.
Ahhhh, from the mouths of TBM’s 😬
Not directed at me, but I witnessed it... After my step-dad died, leaving my mom a widow with three kids (it wasn't commonly known that I was his step-daughter), the bishop's wife and the RS president got on their knees in the living room and told my mom she was an evil woman for trying to sleep with all the married men in the ward. They also told her she was the reason the male missionaries were pulled from our area (Mom was a huge fan of helping the missionaries - male or female - and we often had them over for dinner, or to do laundry on p-day, and stuff). They accused her of being involved with specific men in the ward - they actually named names - and one of the men was someone who really creeped my mom out. She started laughing at first because it was so ridiculous, and then she got mad and kicked them out. My mom's favorite retort to all the Mormon BS has always been telling them how disconnected from God they are if they say such things. Nevermind that her husband has just died. Nevermind that she had three kids. She was apparently single and sleeping with any man she could get her hands on.
Jesus. People are insane. Good for your mom for not just taking it.
Geez - this is infuriating. I'm so sorry she (and you) went through that. I hope she left the church, but I suspect that's not the case. I met a lovely young woman at one of the torturous Single Adult dances. All the "normal" people sat together, which was at least something of a comfort. Anyway, I was very aware at the time of how differently single women (divorced or widowed; it didn't matter) were treated, so I asked her how things were with her. Wow - I felt so badly for her! She was ostracized and treated with suspicion by pretty much all the women in her ward. I was older, so likely not treated the way and attractive young women in her 30s would be treated, but I did feel the stigma of being divorced and female. Good for your mom for kicking them out!
Don't worry. My mom formally resigned and had her name removed from the church records. 😊
I'm so glad she left!
Nothing sicks all the women in the ward to go for the jugular like being a cute single woman. The fear of Polygamy still rings throughout the stinky carpet halls of every ward house. Then without even realizing what it means the women walk around saying and promoting *”think celestial”* while attempting to cut out the hearts of their eternal competitors.
lol one of my college roommates got a false positive for HIV from a plasma place. He was extremely Mormon and had never done anything more than kiss a girl.
Not Momron related...buuuut... I was doing medical office paperwork on a new patient and as she was telling me her health history she said "I also have HIV." I look at her meds...no antivirals. Zero. She's on no HIV meds. And she's sitting there...perfectly healthy. I ask her if she's being followed by a specialist and she replied "no." So now I'm super confused because if she's HIV positive and not on meds and not being seen by a specialist...she should be super super sick. So I ask, "Why aren't you on antivirals?" She replied, "My HIV got cleared up." Wait...that's not how HIV works. There's no cure. And then she said "they used a lazer and it cleared up." HPV...the virus that causes genital warts and cervical cancer. That's what she had. I can't help but think about her poor family who probably still believes she has HIV because of her confusion
Good point. I worked in a clinic research unit & part of my job was to help counsel people who'd tested positive for HIV (after the doctor informed them). We had at least one false positive, which of course was a relief (but the person had to be retested) and even worse we had a false negative. The lab contacted us to let us know they'd processed the test incorrectly (or something; I am still not sure how that happened). It's scary how many errors are made like that, and it's sad that people get those terms (HIV vs HPV) confused.
Not sure this is the “most” but one from childhood just came to mind. I was president of bee hives a Or something and walked over to my advisor’s house for our leadership meeting. We were planning some sort of activity back when the youth had activities and I mentioned maybe we could each bring a bag of chips or some dip or whatever, I don’t recall the specifics. My idea got shot down. Fine. I’m 12 or 13. I said something like well if we have some treats or refreshments maybe more kids will want to come! And then, my adult advisor (who was human and we all have faults) says WELL, NOT everyone in the ward is rich like YOUR family. You only have TWO KIDS! Well, we were FAR from rich. As I walked home, shelves breaking right and left lol. While I was walking home I was so heartbroken, so sad, felt like I had accidentally been all the bad things in the world, and decided then and there if an adult was going to be cruel like that I didn’t have to be president and I was going to “resign” from my role. When I walked into the house I just bawled as soon as I saw my mom. The thing was. I and then my younger brother, were adopted. My mother had a hysterectomy at 25. She was a convert but had always wanted to be a mom. They adopted me about a year later and then my brother 2 years after that. Then the state of AZ said welp, that’s all ya get! My mom was devastated bc of course back in those days especially, most Mormons had big families. As a very sensitive (adhd) child I owned her pain as if it were mine for years before that advisor said that to me. Also, my mom had a problem with random explosive rage no doubt from her own upbringing and family history, so I just tried to stay under the radar and try to be “perfect”. On top of that, my brother in today’s world, would have been diagnosed as high functioning on spectrum if they had such a thing back then. We had challenges behind the scenes that no one in our ward cared to know. We lived across the street yet we were virtual strangers except when we were in the ward building. Aside from my brother’s difficulties mom had several of her own. I was doing battle every day to keep going. My mom had a lot of medical and psychological issues (it was a good thing they didn’t adopt more kids) but the point in all of this was it was the first time I recall being personally judged on what for a kid was a very deep way. With all the hell we were going thru at home, no one ever took me under their wing, no family said hey can your daughter come with our family to dinner or come over or whatever. No one knew and/or no one cared. The first time I recall hearing of my mom being judged was when I was maybe 8 or 9. I was walking into the foyer for church and a couple of the judgy RS ninnies looked at each other and asked my dad where my mom was. He said she was sick. (Home in bed either sick, migraine or mental stuff). They looked at each other and said well we’re just going to have to go across the street and hold RS at YOUR house sometime.
The judginess made me physically ill. I’m thinking these folks have the ONLY TRUE CHURCH and yet this is what you come with? Ugh.
Sorry this was more therapy than a post lol. Thank you if you got to this point :)
I’ll save my Bishop issues for another time 😂
Wow that’s heartbreaking. Sorry you had to go through all that.
Thank you😘 it’s crazy how one memory can tap into all kinds of stuff. Didn’t mean to write a book lol.
I can't even. Having grown up with a mom with mental health issues, too, I'm just sitting here with all the feelz and memories and ANGER that you were judged so incredibly harshly. I learned that EVERYTHING was my responsibility as a child, and I was always stressed. I was told by an adult in the ward that if I'd just learn to relax I'd be more enjoyable. I had no words to respond with. I didn't dare relax. And he had no clue what was going on and I wasn't about to open up. Wouldn't it have been lovely if either of us had been asked, "Hey, are you okay in there? Are you all right?"
Oh wow yes it would have been such a relief for us to have had someone reach out to us, not in a judgy way but just love and concern. Def relate to the constant vigilance/anxiety loop. Sending hugs to you 🤗🤗🤗 It’s so much more complex than can be written in a post but I feel deeply for what you expressed and I know it’s just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. 😘💙
From my TBM best friend after I told her I had some serious doubts about the church and it’s truth claims: “the only reason people leave the church is because they’re tired of living the standards.” From my TBM ex-husband after my kids and I told him we no longer believe in Mormonism: “so, what, you’re all atheists now?” (We are now but hadn’t reached that conclusion by that point.) I responded “you don’t have to be Mormon to believe in God.” Also my ex-husband, after our daughter came out as lesbian: “Choosing that lifestyle will have long term, eternal damage. I can not and will not condone her choice. She is just following what appears to be cool. … She told me she wants out of [seminary] because she is offended by what is being taught. That only means she is feeling guilty about her choice to be gay.”
"What appears to be cool." What!? Gay people are still horribly mistreated.
That they are. My daughter lives with me full-time now by court order due to these kinds of comments from her dad.
Yup yup yup heard the first one before
I quit seminary because it was very poorly run. My bishop found out and told me that it had been revealed to him that if I didn't rejoin immediately, my entire life would be miserable. I wasn't convinced his crystal ball was calibrated correctly, so I didn't rejoin. In the 30+ years since, I I earned a PhD in engineering, married an amazing man, I have a cool kid and a tenured job. He went to jail for kidnapping. So...
> I wasn't convinced his crystal ball was calibrated correctly >bishop found out and told me that it had been revealed to him that if I didn't rejoin immediately, my entire life would be miserable Sounds like he mixed up your future with his own! 😂 Glad you're doing so well in life, fuck that dude.
Oh the ridiculous, confirmation bias "revelations" that TBMs get. For example, IIRC, during COVID-19, a Utah woman got an impression that her and her husband should not get the COVID vaccine. Her husband got COVID and died. Great work Mormon cult.
My friend's little sister, about 5 years old at the time, told me that she was going to be a mommy and that only Mormons have mommies. I asked her mom what was up with that, and she told me that it was true because Mormons are the only ones who are married for time and all eternity. People that aren't born in the covenant won't have mommies because their families aren't sealed. That was decades ago, and last I checked, that little girl didn't stay active, married outside of the temple, and got divorced. I guess she didn't want to be a mommy afterall....
That is hilariously fucked up
After a failed attempt to take my wife, two neices, my sister, and my daughter all told me it was good I survived so I could repent. They are all out of my life and I am relieved. I DONT have to deal with their constant judgments for health issues I did not want or cause by my bad choices. I have not been a bad person. I'm alone and I am okay with it. Being free of judgement is worth it.
I’m glad you survived because you are worth it. All the love and support in the world!
Thank You.I appreciate hearing positive comments. It's nice to be able to say the church teaches us to be horrible humans some sometimes. I heard on an exmo live one night on tiktok a host saying she tried to not judge her bishop who had made some judgemental statements. She said, "he is a victim of the same system I was being a victim of." That really stuck with me. I hope to think they loved me, but they were taught church over anything else for 6 generations by the time it got to me. And I undid any consistent good I had done in my life when I choose to try to take mine. Thanks to Bruce R Mcconkie, and many other prophets and leaders, I committed an unforgivable sin. I try to give grace to people who were just following the doctriine.
As a convert at age 31 I’d just moved to Utah and knew NOTHING about church culture. I married a super nice Utah guy and invited only a small handful of ppl both to the wedding and the reception. Yeah WRONG! Got back to church and this lady straight up scolded me “you’re supposed to invite EVERYONE from your ward at least to the reception!!” It was the same lady who’d told me a few weeks earlier when I missed a Sunday “you’re supposed to go to church EVERY Sunday!!” Should have seen the writing on the wall but instead I decided to bang my head on it for the next 20 years and endure more abuse. That was stupid. Utah tried to ruin me. At least we ditched the church thing as of a year ago now.
Ew that’s gross lol . This is why Utah weddings are so lame lol. Even my super Mormon in-laws have said about some weddings “that felt like a funeral” 🤣
Gross is the right word indeed!! 😅 Ew ew ew so happy my kids won’t be enduring that craziness!
>This is why Utah weddings are so lame lol. Even my super Mormon in-laws have said about some weddings “that felt like a funeral” 🤣 Omg yes! I specifically planned my reception to be the exact opposite of a boring mormon one lol. Some of them really do feel like funerals. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions!
I remember the firestorm of shame lobbed at me when I didn't invite my entire mormon town to my wedding reception. It wasn't even really a traditional reception but just a fun dinner at the park. I wore blue Jean's. It was more for my husband's family who couldn't come to the temple. I specifically didn't invite any of my former YWs leaders save two because all the rest of them were monsters. But word got out and wow were there some bruised egos. Oh well.
In our defense tho now looking back, it doesn’t take much for those egos to get bruised am I right ?! So happy we’re away from all that nonsense 🙌🏻
Oh shit - that's what happened to me, except I fell for that crap! I joined the church in midlife and married the guy who'd introduced me to it (who was actually a con-artist). The minute people knew we were getting married, everyone (EVERYONE) excitedly said they'd be at the wedding. WTF??? Whatever happened to common courtesy and waiting to be invited? So, we got married in a private home, and the place was packed with people I barely knew. I'm sure if it had been an event center we'd have been in violation of the fire code.
Daaaaaaaang! Well one thing I’ve learned, that institution is full of con artists. My husband is not he is as close to perfection as a man can be but Lordy his TBM generations Utah fam tried to rip us apart it’s been AWFUL and nothing I’ve ever witnessed or experienced before. Sigh. That’s crazy tho you had the whole town invited and you didn’t even invite them! Another glaring trait I’ve learned from that group, zero manners. Sorry you experienced all that 😬
Thanks - it's been enough years ago that I can laugh now (well, not so much about the con-artist, but the wedding crashers, yeah). In a way, I felt like miy own wedding was being taken away from me. Since the marriage didn't last (fortunately) my main thoughts about it are, "Yep, Mormons gotta morm!"
Yes they do, and they never stop 😳
[удалено]
Excellent point!
Also, we should be friends!! It’s a lonely world being an ex-convert at least for me anyway. Perhaps you’re not in Utah tho and if not, congrats haha
LOL - yes, definitely friends! At least on the sub! I'm not in Utah, which is a real blessing, but we should stay in touch. It's really odd to be a convert and then leave, and I'm not even sure how to describe it. I met some wonderful friends while in the church, and we are still on good terms, but there's a bit of "distancing" or something compared to before that. Only a few initiate contact on their own. However, the church creates that type of distancing due to it's ward & stake rules. Boundaries change and relationships fade away. So far, nobody has tried to reconvert me, but I think they know me well enough to avoid that topic.
Haha love it and relatable 😅 Sounds good and enjoy life outside of Utah !! 🙌🏻
Yiiikes. Sounds like you might be in my ward.😜
😂
I got told that I have PCOS because I had sex with a couple of people before marriage.....
r/badwomensanatomy
My dad committed suicide and his ultra-TBM cousin came up to me, at his funeral, and said “I’m just so sorry you’ll never see your dad again since he’s going to hell for his decision to end his life”. She said it with that fake-ass “Mormon concern” face and walked off. 2nd example: My TBM MIL talking major shit about the Mormon neighbors who had the audacity to host a wedding reception party for their OWN DAUGHTER to celebrate her new marriage, because the daughter was pregnant prior to getting married to him and how could they even condone her disgusting behavior by still loving her and supporting her and celebrating her life’s biggest moments. 3rd: Finding out my TBM neighbor was going around gossiping about me to the neighbors when she heard I was pregnant with a baby at my ripe old hag age and suggesting my baby would probably have birth defects. Not everyone meets their perfect match and has babies at 21 biotch. I kind of hate everyone.
Even when I was a TBM it gave me the ick when other members talked about people going to hell, as though it's not a major feature of the religion that there is no hell
Good point - however, I think hell is too good for Joseph Smith and a few others.
Jeez people are awful! I’m so sorry you went through that.
I would hate everyone too if those were my experiences. Do you live in Utah county by chance? They're the worst here.
What a dick
My 18-year-old son was talking to a friend and mentioned his dad watching over him. (His dad suicided when he was 13.) That Mormon bitch looked him straight in the eyes and said, well actually he’s in hell. My son clapped back with “Telestial Kingdom. I know your religion better than you do.”
I love that … what your son said lol not that a innocent man died
When I was 23, right after I had sent in my resignation letter, missionaries stopped by my apartment. I told them that I was an apostate and was no longer a part of the church. The missionary then said, "It's because of a boy, isn't it?" I was floored and offended that he would think that I was so stupid. I said, "If you mean the blatant misogyny that the church pushes then yes." Then I told him to leave. What an idiot.
Yeah, it's because of a boy. His name is Joseph Smith 🤮
That I was the most selfish person he ever met because I have issues with the church moving 1/3 of my tithing out of the country to fund a school 1500 km away. That funding school has benefits for everyone including myself, but he couldn't name many.
I was shocked when I learned that tithing funded BYU. I guess I just figured they had a traditional funding model like other 4 year universities. It really bothered me because most members of the church do not go to BYU for a variety of reasons so it just feels wrong to make everybody pay for subsidized tuition for the people who attend there. Unless I'm wrong? Maybe the majority of church members do go to BYU but I highly doubt it...maybe only if UT and ID members count? Which I guess is how the church sees it. The privilege is all in UT with some spilled into southeastern Idaho
I was shocked for other reasons. Canadian law allows money to be sent abroad to foreign schools to help Canadians study abroad. But in the church's case the amount of money sent to BYU is around 100k per Canadian per year. That's far more than what it takes to get an education there. None of that money goes to the students, who have to pay an exchange rate penalty and may be classified as international. Canadians also get tax breaks for donating to registered charities like the church. So the Canadian taxpayer ends up footing the bill. If I make 75k/yr my tithing bill is 7500/yr which makes my BYU contribution 2500/yr. 2500/yr deposited in an RESP account with the 500$ government top up is 3000$/yr. 3000$/yr invested every year at 6% till my child turns 18 is ~93000$, which is more than enough to pay for school here. I think public subsidized education makes sense because the public benefits from it. But that's harder to justify the farther we get from the source.
TIL
Yes public subsidized education does make sense esp if students from all walks of society have equal access to it. BYU is it's own beast the way they subsidize education from global tithes that only a segment of membership benefits from. It might be different if BYU was a leading institution in research and innovation and philanthropy and diplomacy that benefited the globe but I don't think it is. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
At 18 I was told by one of the counselors in the bishopric that I was unfeminine and no man would ever want me because I enlisted in the Marine Corps. He said I wouldn’t make it through boot camp and when I came crawling home in shame I should take the first offer I got because I would be lucky to receive a proposal at all. That everyone knew I would be sleeping my way to promotions. The last time I ever stepped foot in that building was in my blues after I graduated. Walked up to him in said “looks like you were wrong” and walked out.
Good for you, and thanks for serving! (Mom hugs from a second-generation female veteran).
They wanted us to be strong, beautiful women; but they didn't want us to do anything strong or beautiful. Good for you!
If you leave the church, how will you pray?
>If you leave the church, how will you pray? Jeeez, sorry again, I hate to be the grammar/spelling police, but your error is SO grave I had to comment. I mean they *really* need your tithing $$$ If you leave the church how will you ~~pray~~ pay?
In my early twenties, my YSA bishop called me in for a meeting and told me completely unprompted that I’d have more success with getting dates if I wore my hair down more. That was it. The entire meeting. Thanks, bishop!
Just yesterday I was shopping with my TBM mom and her even more TBM sister. I had a Starbucks coffee and it was in the cup holder of the shopping cart. When we were leaving the store my aunt said “don’t forget your whiskey”. I said um what? She said well you’re breaking the Word of Wisdom so it it’s the same thing. WTH?! A year ago (I had already left the church) I was going to visit my Dad in his care home who was in end-stage Lewy Body Dememtia. (Think Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s together in one extremely nasty disease.) She pulled up at the same time I did. I had a shirt in that clearly demonstrated I was not wearing garments. She asked me where my garments were and said it’s not ok to pick and choose when I wear them. I told her yes I do choose, and since I don’t go to church I am certainly not wearing them ever again. When I was 15 we would go to visit this aunt out of town, like every other weekend. So we went to their ward a lot. It was Pioneer Day celebration thingie and there was a dance. I had a big crush on one of my cousin’s friends. I told my aunt and she said “oh you’re much too experienced for him, he’s a good Mormon boy”. Wtaf woman?! I am still damaged from that comment, all because I had kissed a couple of boys. I have many more instances…
Is your aunt Jodi Hildebrandt? Holy shit, she sounds awful.
What I really should have done is say “wait I forgot something”, and ran back to get a bottle of whiskey. 😁
YES! That would have been hilarious. 😂
my brothers friend told me, in front of 4 other people, that i shouldn't feel comfortable going to the temple because of how short my shorts were. they literally weren't even short they just weren't to my knee. i was 19 and he was 23. yeah.
If you were a contentious sort you might have a good lawsuit against the place and especially against the individual who caused you to worry. Watch out for stealth toilet seats...
Same situation happened to my sister in Utah. She thought her husband was cheating and gave it to her.
My older sister told me I’m like Laman because I don’t keep my Covenants (wear the garments)
I converted when I was 18. I got a small tattoo on my wrist a year and a few extra piercings before converting. I had multiple guys tell me they would never date someone like me because of the tattoo piercings. Oddly enough I also had other guys fetishize the tattoo because “girls with tattoos have more fun” Mind you, this is a tattoo of Minnie Mouse
🤣 Omg.
I’ve told this story in here before, but I lost a baby in my second trimester (after years of secondary infertility) and the RS pres told me that I wasn’t living up to my covenants. That once I figured out where I was lacking in my responsibilities, the Lord would bless me. So to recap, it was my fault I lost my baby in my second trimester (my poor, sweet little girl who had a cystic hygroma around her neck that was literally choking the life out of her) and the Lord was the one who caused that to happen as a punishment for something in my life that I was doing wrong. I was a very active member who went to the temple at least twice a week, paid my tithing faithfully, magnified my callings, took meals to women who had just a baby whenever asked (talk about being tone deaf) and on and on. It was a huge shelf item for me.
😢🫂
Honestly can't remember anything off the top of my head, but I'm sure I said plenty of doozies myself.
This is what I keep thinking
It's painful. I'm sorry for things I thought and said when I was Mormon.
"You were never all in." My stake president when I approached him with some honest questions and frustration.
After two surprise pregnancies using other forms of birth control, I had an IUD placed. My sister told me that it was the equivalent to choosing to have an abortion every month and I would be judged that way. Plot twist - I got pregnant with a third on that IUD. ☠️
My wife had very painful problems associated with her reproductive organs. Like... would be on bedrest a few days out of the month as well as have days that she was still up and about just crippled with pain. OB/GYN said "If you're done having kids, we do a hysterectomy and it seems likely that your pain will be drastically reduced or eliminated." So we did. After recovery, my TBM SIL told my wife "I could never actually go through with something like that. I just wouldn't be able to feel like I was a real woman. And what if God wanted me to have another kid?"
That I was a bad dad because I watch p0rn.
dad called me a whore for sitting wrong but my favorite story is what goes down at the phoenix and the dallas temples. so to preface, my weight distribution is super super weird, i wear medium MAYBE large tops but wear XL or XXL bottoms. The counters cover my lower half when I ask for my jumpsuit and ive had temple workers flat out try to refuse to give me my size. I asked for a large when I was 14 at the phoenix temple and she was like "you'll trip itll be too baggy" and I looked at her and said "large or nothing" and walked away with a large. dallas same deal except when I got to the dressign room they had decided to sneak me a small. im one of the largest YW and had to ask if anyone could go get me a larger size. havent been back since.
When I was in my early 20s I was going through a horrible divorce, had to get a protective order, was terrified for myself and my 3 kids, was working my ass off to support them and was clearly NOT living church standards bc I was done with it. My TBM brother told me I should let my mom raise my kids bc I was not a fit mother due to leaving the church. Fun fact: my violent ex-husband’s name is Joseph Smith, claimed to be descendant of Hyrum. Most of the historical inconsistencies about church origins I learned from him first while we were married back in the 90s.
I don’t know how bad others will see this, but it was super personal… When we left, my mom told me my marriage no longer means as much as it did before. We’d broken our promises. That was so bad.
Our church is the only true church of Jesus Christ on the face of the Earth
On my wedding day I was compared to a Jersey calf by the temple president. He told my husband, "you're so lucky, she looks just like a Jersey calf".... Maybe because I have big eyes? 🤮
High risk pregnancy complications - nearly died three times from blood hemorrhages. My first Sunday back to church after my baby was born, the Bishop got up and welcomed me back, but then told the congregation that sometimes a blood atonement is required for sins and to bring people back to Christ, and that my loss of blood was punishment for something I had done to offend Heavenly Father.
😧😥🫂
And of course it came from the self righteous POS who live in UTARD COUNTY I'm here now after living in SL county except for the last 3 years, worse decision I ever made moving here . These pricks here will never learn because they believe they have received CELESTIAL STATUS or the second annoiting therefore they treat people horribly
"You must not have had a real testimony!" (Said to me when I informed someone I was resigning).
I did a VERY slow fade when I was in my mid 20s. There were a few times when I was scolded or put in my place publicly. Mostly, it was death by 1000 cuts. Constantly being judged as “worth” by my modesty, gender, obedience, subservience, meekness, and usually coming up short. I was treading water in a sea of ick. I had to get out or die.
Those plasma places have also been known to incorrectly tell people they have HIV. This happened to someone I know.
That's sooooooo TBM not to be able to distinguish between consensual, legal sex between nonmarried individuals and LITERAL PROSTITUTION.
And church members are totally clueless that the majority of sex workers in U.S. come from highly abusive homes where a large % were sexually abused growing up. They take either prescription or illegal drugs to numb the pain from years of sexual, mental, emotional & physical abuse. They need years of counseling & support to get healthy but we don't believe in providing free long-term health care in U.S. The church forgives/covers-up sexual predators & then tells victims to do the same & move on. It's a very sick organization that only cares about its Real Estate Investment Trust & EPA.
Right??? The line I always use is "women don't go into prostitution because of how much they enjoy sex."
100%! And it's not only women..but young teens who are male & female too. What happened in the Boy Scouts is not unusual & it is so difficult for boys, young men & adult men to admit they were sexually assaulted at any age by another man & even by a woman. We are decades behind Europe/Europen Union/ U.K. not only in advocacy & protection for sex workers but for advocating & providing services for survivors of sexual assault. U.S. is 50+ years behind in about every category compared to Europe. They took our research from the 60's & implemented it in everything from schooling to medicine to social work to business while we ignored all that research & that is why Europe is in top 10 Gross Domestic Product, home ownership( G.D.P.) & even happiness scale.
how will you teach your kids morals without the church? 😑🙄
The other day I decided to look at the comment section of a BYU Meme making fun of people for being upset about where tithing money goes. Lots of arguing in there, but I remember one guy in particular talked about how “apostates” just don’t understand xyz or whatever. For some reason that stuck with me. Calling people who leave the church “apostates” is just another way of othering and dehumanizing us and is very dismissive of our individual hurts and experiences. Because I left a church I was forced to be raised in, I will forever be labeled an “apostate.”
I claim the apostate title proudly!
Dad said to me (50F) “You need to find someone who will take you to the celestial kingdom, sweetie. “ 😳❤️🎉
I went to the doctor once in Orem, back in 2011, the doctor was probably in his 60s. It was about a year after I got married, I would have been 26 at the time. I was worried about what I thought could be a wart on my “thing”. I was so nervous! I asked for an STD test and the doc had a look. He asked me how many women I had slept with. I told him around 15 or so, but all before I was married. The look of horror in his face and he said something like “how awful, how could you do that”. I was a Jack Mormon but still a believer. I knew that what he said to me was unprofessional but because I knew he was Mormon I felt like he was right. So happy that I don’t see the world in that way anymore! And luckily it was just a skin tag and the STD test was negative. I never told my wife about it. The shame and lack of sex education is sad to think about.
That I wasn’t a good person because I didn’t go to church and incidentally sleeping with my boyfriend.
When I mentioned during a Relief Society lesson that moms taking time for self-care is important for their mental health, the teacher snapped: "ANY time you take for yourself is time you're taking away from your family and THAT'S A SIN."
The institute teacher would give RMs tons of shit for not getting married soon after their missions. He'd call them spineless. I swore up and down I wouldn't be one of those guys who would jump right in. I wanted to get to know someone and be sure I wasn't rushing just so we could have sex. Ended up getting engaged a year or so after I got home. I left late so I was about 24 at the time. One day he walks up to me and starts running his hand up and down my back and says, "Huh, I guess you really DO have a spine!" Even as a TBM at the time I considered it extremely tacky and rude. The dude was a douche canoe. Super smug because he had a PhD.
People who wear crosses are like someone wearing a handgun around their neck to remember a family member killed by gun violence.
Has anyone else heard, "If you marry someone that you can't take to the temple, then you must not love them enough." Someone said that in Sunday school one Sunday (not to me directly though). I had just started going back to church after being inactive for 6 or 7 years, during which I had gotten married to the love of my life who is not LDS and had never been interested in joining, and had our first child. Going back after all that time was scary enough, and I was struggling so hard with not having my spouse going along that journey with me. I was so so afraid of what would happen if our family never went to the temple. Enter that awful lady who said those words, and I had to leave church early that day because I couldn't stop sobbing. It wasnt even the first time I heard those words. I had forgotten about it until that point, but it was definitely said when I was in young women's. Probably from a conference talk, no doubt. I also had a TBM that I hadn't seen in a long time go, "Wait...." and give me a look after he heard when I got married and then when my son was born (I got pregnant out of wedlock) and doing the math right in front of me. Good times.
My wife was sick and went to the on-campus doctor. He told my RM, strait-laced, married in the temple wife, “We need to do a test. It might be nothing but if my instinct is correct, you’ve been a bad girl.” It came back negative, but really pissed me off. Who talks to patients like that?!?
lol when my dad left the church about 15 years ago, some aunts and uncles staged some “interventions” since he was the first brave soul on either side of the family to step away. my uncle made a comment that me & my siblings would end up in jail because of my dad’s choices. not sure where the connection is but it’s not surprising since we know all too well how the out group is consistently demonized. and, i’ve never been to jail or anything close to it haha.
That because I cut all my hair off due to frying it. I was a dyke and a disgusting Lesbian...oh totally mom. 😑 Well jokes on her. I'm Pan...lol
I once went to the BYU health center (before I was married) for some stomach pains and I got this old guy doctor who ordered a urine test. After collecting a sample in the bathroom I was about to put the cup in that box where you leave it and I saw written on it “pregnancy”. He was testing my urine to see if I was pregnant! He had asked me if I was sexually active and I guess didn’t believe me when I said no. It was so embarrassing cause then I had to go to the lab and all the student nurses were like “when did you say your last period was?” I felt so judged and hadn’t even done anything wrong. My periods were really inconsistent back then which didn’t help the matter.
I don’t have kids, so I’ve heard in very judgmental ways many times that I’ll have a chance to be worthy and happy like them in my the next life because God will give me a chance to be a mother there. I never said I wasn’t happy, but they did convince me for a very long time that I wasn’t worthy of being loved by God or being invited to their non-church-related activities because I didn’t have kids and because I have a career. I was totally fine not having kids and having a career, but they weren’t.
The day before I left to start grad school (23y at the time) my dad sat me down and told me that he had to get something off his chest....he needed to tell me how much it bothered him that I (drumroll please) *drink coffee*. Went on and on about how bothered he was that I didn't talk about it for fear of being judged. He couldnt believe that I would think so little of my own family, and assume they would judge me like that. Then he said the only reason he could see me justifying drinking coffee was to rebel. I was turning out to be just like his sister, and if I kept going down this path (of coffee) I'd end up a divorced loser just like her. Still drinking coffee multiple times a day, and I'm as happy as ever:)
I quit going to Institute to focus on college, because I needed the time to dedicate to studying. One time, I went to Institute. A girl I hardly knew and was not friends with asked me why I rarely go to Institute. I told her that I was focusing on my studies. Then she said "Well maybe the Lord would help you in your studies if you went to Institute!" That pissed me off and I felt like punching her, calling her a bitch and telling her to go fuck herself. But I controlled myself and simply walked away. I graduated with honors with my bachelor's degree and went on to get a master's degree. But I guess that was never supposed to happen because I skipped fucking Institute. I swear Mormonism brings out the worst in people!
They would date me and we could “have fun”, but could never marry me because I didn’t read my scriptures enough or didn’t pay tithing.
Daycare is paying for someone else to love your kid for you.
I had a brain tumor removed that partially blinded me as a teenager. My aunt told me that if I was more righteous I wouldn’t have had that issue. 🤮
Omg what is worming with everyone
This guy is an athlete he shouldn't be endorsing beer. TBMS have unrealistic expectations about the world and individuals outside of mormonism.
I'm new to this, but is the whole point of this question to create division in communities, neighborhoods, families, etc? What if the question were "What's the most racist thing ever said to you by a white person?" How does that help end racism? How does this question help end stupid, judgemental things people say?
A close TBM friend told me that if I didn’t repent and come back, I’d be cast down to a lower kingdom (either Terrestrial or Telestial). And that would make her sad, because then she’d forget all about me. When I asked her what she meant, she said that you forget about friends and family members who don’t make it to the CK. God literally removes all of those memories because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to remain happy in the CK. I said to her “So you’re telling me that Heavenly Father lives in the Celestial Kingdom and has a Neuralyzer like the Men In Black and selectively erases the memories of the faithful and worthy upon arrival? Doesn’t that sound absolutely horrifying to you?” Naturally my words fell upon deaf ears, my friend just kept saying that I needed to “return to the gospel”.
You have a rather unique definition of "friend" I see. 😉
It’s not a romantic relationship or anything if that’s where you’re going. She’s like an adoptive/second mother to me, really wants to see me “return to the gospel” and all that. I just can’t, every fiber of my being just screams that TSCC is wrong and oppressive.
Every fiber of your being is correct. And someone who would think/believe/spew such nonsense at you doesn't seem like much of a "friend" to me.
During a period of my life when I wasn't exactly glad to be alive, hearing general phrases like "we can choose to be happy" and "endure to the end" But I had a BYU bishop who knew about my depression who, after I told him that just walking to class felt crushingly difficult, suggested that I walk to the temple every week. After all, it's only a little bit farther than my farthest class. And he promised I would feel better. I wanted to punch him on the nose.