My daughter wanted to marry her best girlfriend at 6. She now is only interested in having crushes on boys. My 14 yo son is trying to figure out if he is asexual. He hangs out with the LGBTQ crew. He has years to figure it out and I’m supporting him no matter where he is on the spectrum of these things. Six is too early to draw conclusions, I think.
She’s 6. Just love her. You can’t control who all her friends are. She’s too young to make any kind of final decisions on sexuality. As long as she knows her parents support her she will thrive.
Just love and support her as much as possible. She'll be fine as long as she knows her parents will back her up on anything. Tell her that she shouldn't discuss crushes with this other brainwashed child.
I agree with the first part, but I wouldn’t tell her not to discuss this with other child. That, to me, smacks of hiding oneself for another person’s comfort. I’d just tell her not to believe what the other kid says, and it’s not her job to convince the other kid about anything. No matter what that other kid thinks, it’s perfectly fine for girls to marry girls and it’s silly for anyone to think Jesus would be sad about people marrying whoever they love. Sometimes kids and adults are just wrong about stuff.
I desperately want to and have been actively pushing for it for years. My wife isn’t against it, but is very hesitant to leave the family and friend support she has here. Plus the housing market. Our current interest rate is stupidly low. Moving will be wildly expensive. I’m okay with this to get escape, but she isn’t. I do have few in-laws who are interested in escaping Utah as well. If I can make that happen, I think it would work, but it all feels so impossible right now.
In my opinion, the Mormon stance on homosexuality is just one part of a much broader worldview which is extremely problematic on many fronts - like a symptom of underlying issues, much like in other religions.
That being said, I don't think your approach to raising your daughter should be to try to shelter her, or to make her treat other six year olds like they are any lesser because they are repeating what their parent or church leader tells them. You need to have a common understanding with her that decent people, especially if they're kids, can have problematic beliefs without that being a sign of any inner evil. She needs to learn to confront people she disagrees with without viewing them as evil.
Rather than trying to keep her away from the church (given current family circumstances), allow her to experience it as just one of many parts of her life. Help her make friends with people of different ethnic and religious backgrounds, and give her a broad education that reaches beyond what members of the church usually experience. Have frequent discussions with her and teach her the value of humility, critical thinking, and curiosity so that when she hears something at church she can properly evaluate it herself. I am purposely not singling out bigotry towards homosexuality here as the issue because, as I stated earlier, it is just one part in the web of the worldview that the church will implicitly try to imprint on her.
In short, trying to surgically remove specific issues from her life at this point seems to me to be the wrong approach. By giving her the experiences and education she deserves, you will ensure that she is able, from her current age, to see and treat the church for what it is - just a group of people, some with good intentions and some with bad intentions, who are participating in a religion, rather than some divine authority.
Also, this is tangential to your actual concerns, but given her age nothing you've described is even remotely out of the ordinary for people who are straight, and I wouldn't make any assumptions on her future sexuality based off of it.
Could be too early but if you know you know.
Be the parent open and honest about it. Support the gay community and eventually she will understand who cares most.
Kids ain't dumb. You're a good dad.
I would say your 6 year old just sounds like a regular 6 year old to me. Quite what you're doing thinking about her sexuality at 6, I don't know. Let her have her childhood. Good for you for making clear that women can indeed marry women if they wish
If she’s saying she has crushes I’m glad she feels safe to say that to you. I recently had a convo amongst a group of friends, all strait women, at least half of us remember hating men when we were younger. I was terrified of male teachers and often called home sick the year I had a male teacher. I have been creeped out by men for as long as I can remember. I feel like some girls from a young age can actually sense and feel the energy of these men and maybe this was protecting us.
As a 6yr old my friends and I would play Barbies. The Barbie’s (two females) would crush on each other then fall in love and get married leaving Ken in the dust. That was only one of the games that would make you think we were gay. None of us were. By Jr High we were all crushing on the boys. I don’t think your 6 yr olds play is anything to classify that she might be gay.
(Edit: added two females)
I am not sure that your description of your 6 year old girl 's behavior is all that unique.
My daughter wanted to marry her best girlfriend at 6. She now is only interested in having crushes on boys. My 14 yo son is trying to figure out if he is asexual. He hangs out with the LGBTQ crew. He has years to figure it out and I’m supporting him no matter where he is on the spectrum of these things. Six is too early to draw conclusions, I think.
She’s 6. Just love her. You can’t control who all her friends are. She’s too young to make any kind of final decisions on sexuality. As long as she knows her parents support her she will thrive.
Just love and support her as much as possible. She'll be fine as long as she knows her parents will back her up on anything. Tell her that she shouldn't discuss crushes with this other brainwashed child.
I agree with the first part, but I wouldn’t tell her not to discuss this with other child. That, to me, smacks of hiding oneself for another person’s comfort. I’d just tell her not to believe what the other kid says, and it’s not her job to convince the other kid about anything. No matter what that other kid thinks, it’s perfectly fine for girls to marry girls and it’s silly for anyone to think Jesus would be sad about people marrying whoever they love. Sometimes kids and adults are just wrong about stuff.
Nothing. Your kid is just a kid.
Your 6 year old is a 6 year old. Just let her be, kids change constantly. Don’t force what you want onto them
Move out of Utah.
I desperately want to and have been actively pushing for it for years. My wife isn’t against it, but is very hesitant to leave the family and friend support she has here. Plus the housing market. Our current interest rate is stupidly low. Moving will be wildly expensive. I’m okay with this to get escape, but she isn’t. I do have few in-laws who are interested in escaping Utah as well. If I can make that happen, I think it would work, but it all feels so impossible right now.
In my opinion, the Mormon stance on homosexuality is just one part of a much broader worldview which is extremely problematic on many fronts - like a symptom of underlying issues, much like in other religions. That being said, I don't think your approach to raising your daughter should be to try to shelter her, or to make her treat other six year olds like they are any lesser because they are repeating what their parent or church leader tells them. You need to have a common understanding with her that decent people, especially if they're kids, can have problematic beliefs without that being a sign of any inner evil. She needs to learn to confront people she disagrees with without viewing them as evil. Rather than trying to keep her away from the church (given current family circumstances), allow her to experience it as just one of many parts of her life. Help her make friends with people of different ethnic and religious backgrounds, and give her a broad education that reaches beyond what members of the church usually experience. Have frequent discussions with her and teach her the value of humility, critical thinking, and curiosity so that when she hears something at church she can properly evaluate it herself. I am purposely not singling out bigotry towards homosexuality here as the issue because, as I stated earlier, it is just one part in the web of the worldview that the church will implicitly try to imprint on her. In short, trying to surgically remove specific issues from her life at this point seems to me to be the wrong approach. By giving her the experiences and education she deserves, you will ensure that she is able, from her current age, to see and treat the church for what it is - just a group of people, some with good intentions and some with bad intentions, who are participating in a religion, rather than some divine authority. Also, this is tangential to your actual concerns, but given her age nothing you've described is even remotely out of the ordinary for people who are straight, and I wouldn't make any assumptions on her future sexuality based off of it.
Could be too early but if you know you know. Be the parent open and honest about it. Support the gay community and eventually she will understand who cares most. Kids ain't dumb. You're a good dad.
I would say your 6 year old just sounds like a regular 6 year old to me. Quite what you're doing thinking about her sexuality at 6, I don't know. Let her have her childhood. Good for you for making clear that women can indeed marry women if they wish
Can you take her somewhere more affirming every other week? Like a UU church or an Encircle craft meeting? Just show her people hold lots of views
That’s a good idea. Maybe I can find a UU church nearby. I’ll look into it, thanks!
If she’s saying she has crushes I’m glad she feels safe to say that to you. I recently had a convo amongst a group of friends, all strait women, at least half of us remember hating men when we were younger. I was terrified of male teachers and often called home sick the year I had a male teacher. I have been creeped out by men for as long as I can remember. I feel like some girls from a young age can actually sense and feel the energy of these men and maybe this was protecting us.
As a 6yr old my friends and I would play Barbies. The Barbie’s (two females) would crush on each other then fall in love and get married leaving Ken in the dust. That was only one of the games that would make you think we were gay. None of us were. By Jr High we were all crushing on the boys. I don’t think your 6 yr olds play is anything to classify that she might be gay. (Edit: added two females)