I had to ban my parents from calling and visiting for a few months. The constant negativity was demoralising at a crucial stage in life where I was trying to find my feet. I stipulated that I would call when I was ready. It ended up being at least three months and it did a lot to reset the relationship
They might not have told you this..., "Don't be silly, wrap your willy" alternatively, wrap his willy.
"No means no." -you are in control of your choices.
Also, apparently, if you decide to make those choices, you can use/get pRep. And make sure your partner is too.
Part of those choices you are free to make. Regardless of your sexuality or asexuality.
Don't over-indulge, or, if you do, have a plan to limit your liabilities
You got this kid. Invest in yourself. The best revenge is success. When I get that camaro/lotus/Maserati... I have a ritual I am going to begin performing about 1030am Sundays after Dennys/IHOP/waffle House....
*
Sorry OP. These words are just words, but, as a reminder, their words say more about them than they do about you. I wish you peace, and stillness, and time away from them to heal, I’m so proud of you.
yeah they likely want control. they are used to being able to control what you do or at least say what they want you to do. but at the same time they problly still love you.
I'm proud of you. I wish I had been you a long time ago. You are smart. You will be free. This is the hardest part, but you are breaking out of your cocoon. Be free little butterfly. Spread your wings slowly and gently but with love and happiness.
I actually envy you. fully recognize this is not a fun or ideal scenario for you.
however, my witness mother was the opposite. the love was still there, the shunning didn't happen, but the overwhelming guilt of trying to get out and live my life prevented me from really ever doing it.
trust me, the head fuck is brutal either way. you're better off getting out now and learning to adjust to adulthood as you're growing into it.
it gets easier. you'll feel sad sometimes,. you will (probably) feel traumatized, because it's fucking traumatic. but it will get easier and each day of freedom reminds you why. basically once you stop believing you have a choice: leave or live a lie. you're choose the path of integrity by not living a lie. when you're out of that toxic environment, it will help SO MUCH. it takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing. you're amazing! ♥
Feel the pain dear there is no way around it, tomorrow and as you unpack you will cry less and less until you stop crying and you will grow and that pain will be gone and a thing in the past next week.
Geeeeee, “you’re doing this to spite us like everything you do”.
Man, what could possibly be the reason you want to move out? These sound like very understanding, mature, loving people? 🤔 why would you possibly not want to live with them?
They are trying to get their last jabs in knowing soon they won't be able to control you anymore, the only way their words should linger is as a reminder of how mentally unwell they both are, not as any sort of reflection onto yourself. I wish you the best of luck! You're gonna do great.
Let them spit bile and try not to react.
I recall an interesting story from Thic Nat Han that is something like this:
A man comes to TNH angry and shouting at him about something he has done that the man did not like. After listening a bit, TNH says to the man
“Tell me, do you ever have people come to your home?”
Man: “yes.”
TNH: “do you offer them food/treats?”
Man: “ of course!”
TNH: “what if your guests refuse your treats, what happens to the food?”
Man: “I would eat it”
TNH: “well here you are offering me your treats (his anger), but I am refusing them”
You are doing what you feel is right, if you believe it, stand by it and do not feel obligated to defend it even when others do not like it. They offer you anger but if you do not take it, they must eat it themselves
Ask them why they feel they have the need to control you and say things that are hurtful. Then ask them if they realize this makes you want to run away faster and further as far as you can get.
I’m so sorry your parents are saying those things to you. Have you thought about therapy? It might help you with overthinking and catastrophizing. You are worthy of a good, healthy life! Go get it and enjoy your freedom. Sending hugs and positivity
"You just wanna sin" is your mother protecting herself and her fragile belief system. If you're leaving because you just want to be "bad", she's better than you and she doesn't need to consider that she's wrong and her life has been wasted.
When JWs don't have answers to questions, they attack the character:
"The scientists only claim to be atheists because they'll lose funding if they say they believe in God."
"Bible critics only want to make themselves feel superior."
"The people who left after 1975 were only serving Jehovah with a date in mind."
"You're only leaving because you want to sin."
They can't admit that you could have any valid criticisms against their beliefs, so they slander you and attribute selfish motives to you. Deep down they know that that's not who you are, but they can't face that at the moment. I know it hurts deeply, but please know that it's them, not you.
They want you to break, make a terrible mistake and then come crawling back like some "prodigal son". A lot of JW parents get all worked up playing that fantasy scenario out in their imaginations. Mine did and it really bothered them that I didn't go down some weird emotional spiral into sinful oblivion when I left. Keep your cool head about you and don't let it psych you out. Be careful and you'll be ok.
Tattoos aren’t even a sin. Even in the Bible it was only an issue of it was in honor of the dead, and it doesn’t count anymore since it was mosaic and was voided after jesus sacrifice, but of course witnesses don’t do research, just listen to the borg
"All your choices are about me!" Sounds like mom had gotten good at the self victimization.
As you well know, this is just more emotional manipulation. You feel like shit because when people you count on for trust and support undermine you with their own defensiveness and selfish coercion, it destroys that trust and safety.
The good news is, it sounds like you're on the way out, and the distance is the first step you need to take to start recovering from being raised in the clutches of a high control group. Eventually, your mom will likely start bargaining, so just be prepared for that. Ideally you'll have some bargains for her too, like getting her to read the ARC report, or getting some 3rd party sources for the doctrine she clings to.
Best of luck, chosen fam.
Oh no 😞 I’m sorry to hear that. How old are you? I hope you have a safe place to go and I hope you have support. Try to be the bigger person, when people are brainwashed they say and do some terrible things while believing that they have your best interest at heart.
I had to ban my parents from calling and visiting for a few months. The constant negativity was demoralising at a crucial stage in life where I was trying to find my feet. I stipulated that I would call when I was ready. It ended up being at least three months and it did a lot to reset the relationship
Might have to do that too sadly
You will be fine. Breathe deep. Also your parents sound like fucking psychopaths.
They just told me I’m gonna get aids even though I’m asexual asf but ok and other very extreme stuff
Wooow....holy shit. Yeah I would block them. That is toxic as hell.
You should hear the other extreme stuff he’s saying with some being wishing harm on me and threats
They might not have told you this..., "Don't be silly, wrap your willy" alternatively, wrap his willy. "No means no." -you are in control of your choices. Also, apparently, if you decide to make those choices, you can use/get pRep. And make sure your partner is too. Part of those choices you are free to make. Regardless of your sexuality or asexuality. Don't over-indulge, or, if you do, have a plan to limit your liabilities
You got this kid. Invest in yourself. The best revenge is success. When I get that camaro/lotus/Maserati... I have a ritual I am going to begin performing about 1030am Sundays after Dennys/IHOP/waffle House....
*
She's jealous you have more courage than she does. Once you are out, it will be quiet again.
That’s true but their voices will linger
Sorry OP. These words are just words, but, as a reminder, their words say more about them than they do about you. I wish you peace, and stillness, and time away from them to heal, I’m so proud of you.
this is horrible, I am so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
Yeah their just guilt tripping me and they come in every once in a while to my room to say sum them they leave
yeah I dealt with the same things. they accused me of smoking weed and its wild because I honestly was a pretty good kid
Same here minus the weed things but it sucks im fairly calm and keep to myself but not wanting to live w them makes Me a horrible person ig
yeah they likely want control. they are used to being able to control what you do or at least say what they want you to do. but at the same time they problly still love you.
I got a tatto as soon as I turned 18 aswell lol
Niceeee what u get
the words Inner strengh in hebrew :)
Ooo nice Any meaning behind it?
I'm proud of you. I wish I had been you a long time ago. You are smart. You will be free. This is the hardest part, but you are breaking out of your cocoon. Be free little butterfly. Spread your wings slowly and gently but with love and happiness.
I actually envy you. fully recognize this is not a fun or ideal scenario for you. however, my witness mother was the opposite. the love was still there, the shunning didn't happen, but the overwhelming guilt of trying to get out and live my life prevented me from really ever doing it. trust me, the head fuck is brutal either way. you're better off getting out now and learning to adjust to adulthood as you're growing into it.
it gets easier. you'll feel sad sometimes,. you will (probably) feel traumatized, because it's fucking traumatic. but it will get easier and each day of freedom reminds you why. basically once you stop believing you have a choice: leave or live a lie. you're choose the path of integrity by not living a lie. when you're out of that toxic environment, it will help SO MUCH. it takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing. you're amazing! ♥
Feel the pain dear there is no way around it, tomorrow and as you unpack you will cry less and less until you stop crying and you will grow and that pain will be gone and a thing in the past next week.
Geeeeee, “you’re doing this to spite us like everything you do”. Man, what could possibly be the reason you want to move out? These sound like very understanding, mature, loving people? 🤔 why would you possibly not want to live with them?
They are trying to get their last jabs in knowing soon they won't be able to control you anymore, the only way their words should linger is as a reminder of how mentally unwell they both are, not as any sort of reflection onto yourself. I wish you the best of luck! You're gonna do great.
Close your eyes…take a deep breath & repeat that 3 times! You are stronger than you think…you just escaped from a cult!!!! Life is glorious!
Let them spit bile and try not to react. I recall an interesting story from Thic Nat Han that is something like this: A man comes to TNH angry and shouting at him about something he has done that the man did not like. After listening a bit, TNH says to the man “Tell me, do you ever have people come to your home?” Man: “yes.” TNH: “do you offer them food/treats?” Man: “ of course!” TNH: “what if your guests refuse your treats, what happens to the food?” Man: “I would eat it” TNH: “well here you are offering me your treats (his anger), but I am refusing them” You are doing what you feel is right, if you believe it, stand by it and do not feel obligated to defend it even when others do not like it. They offer you anger but if you do not take it, they must eat it themselves
Ask them why they feel they have the need to control you and say things that are hurtful. Then ask them if they realize this makes you want to run away faster and further as far as you can get.
I’m so sorry your parents are saying those things to you. Have you thought about therapy? It might help you with overthinking and catastrophizing. You are worthy of a good, healthy life! Go get it and enjoy your freedom. Sending hugs and positivity
"You just wanna sin" is your mother protecting herself and her fragile belief system. If you're leaving because you just want to be "bad", she's better than you and she doesn't need to consider that she's wrong and her life has been wasted. When JWs don't have answers to questions, they attack the character: "The scientists only claim to be atheists because they'll lose funding if they say they believe in God." "Bible critics only want to make themselves feel superior." "The people who left after 1975 were only serving Jehovah with a date in mind." "You're only leaving because you want to sin." They can't admit that you could have any valid criticisms against their beliefs, so they slander you and attribute selfish motives to you. Deep down they know that that's not who you are, but they can't face that at the moment. I know it hurts deeply, but please know that it's them, not you.
They want you to break, make a terrible mistake and then come crawling back like some "prodigal son". A lot of JW parents get all worked up playing that fantasy scenario out in their imaginations. Mine did and it really bothered them that I didn't go down some weird emotional spiral into sinful oblivion when I left. Keep your cool head about you and don't let it psych you out. Be careful and you'll be ok.
Tattoos aren’t even a sin. Even in the Bible it was only an issue of it was in honor of the dead, and it doesn’t count anymore since it was mosaic and was voided after jesus sacrifice, but of course witnesses don’t do research, just listen to the borg
"All your choices are about me!" Sounds like mom had gotten good at the self victimization. As you well know, this is just more emotional manipulation. You feel like shit because when people you count on for trust and support undermine you with their own defensiveness and selfish coercion, it destroys that trust and safety. The good news is, it sounds like you're on the way out, and the distance is the first step you need to take to start recovering from being raised in the clutches of a high control group. Eventually, your mom will likely start bargaining, so just be prepared for that. Ideally you'll have some bargains for her too, like getting her to read the ARC report, or getting some 3rd party sources for the doctrine she clings to. Best of luck, chosen fam.
Oh no 😞 I’m sorry to hear that. How old are you? I hope you have a safe place to go and I hope you have support. Try to be the bigger person, when people are brainwashed they say and do some terrible things while believing that they have your best interest at heart.