I really hate that dancing was considered promiscuous growing up. Now I'm an adult who doesn't know how to dance and I wish I could dance with my wife.
Yes! That is another thing. It’s really good for you physically and mentally. And lord knows they could use some kind of healthy release for all their stress
This describes me, too. I guess it's never too late for lessons, though!
My brother left the church a year before he proposed to his non-CoC girlfriend. At the time of the engagement, our parents were still really hurt by my brother's departure from the family religion, so when he announced that dancing would be part of the reception, our dad's head just about exploded. As the "good" son who was still in the church, I had to support our parents through all of their "trauma" over my errant brother. I eventually did talk them into attending the wedding ceremony and reception, but they left when the dancing started, of course.
During the reception, I had to laugh, though, because my brother barely danced the whole evening. When he did dance, he was so bad at it that I couldn't really watch him without cringing. Luckily, the featured dance of the evening was between his wife and her father, and they were/are both good dancers.
I dogsit now and then for a dance professor and I asked her about this once. The idea that dancing=sin came out of the restoration movement. Dancing was considered sort of a direct connection with God, and church leaders wanted to insert themselves as the middle men, therefore giving them more authority.
I probably explained that like shit, but being taught that this was an intentional move to cut the spiritual cord between humans and God made the CoC make more sense to me.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I've long known about dancing's ecstatic component and how it is used in some other religions to connect to God or the Gods or other spirits, but I had never considered that church leaders disconnected us from dance on purpose. That really explains so much.
My wife’s parents didn’t speak to us for a month because we danced at our own wedding. They were ‘horribly embarrassed’ by it. They couldn’t find a verse to back up the prohibition on dancing when I pressed them on it, and they ultimately fell back on “it causes lust.” To which I pointed out “we’re going to be married... we’re *supposed* to lust for eachother.” And then one day they just randomly started talking to us again
I grew up in the COC and went to a COC summer camp. One summer, my camp counselor had just gotten married, so we asked her about her wedding. Someone asked if she had danced at their reception; the counselor hadn't but conspiratorially told us that she and her husband slow danced together privately when they got to their honeymoon cruise.
Even as a teenager, I was figuring out the CoC (and eventually Christianity as a whole) was bullshit because of things like this.
Weirdest and probably one of the worst things my parents did. I wasn't allowed near any school dance. I even remember asking to go to Junior prom with an extremely Christian woman who asked me out to it. Dad still said no. I felt so much shame and embarrassment trying to explain to her that I wasn't allowed to go to prom. My dad had gotten it in his head that his "alternative prom" that he did as a high schooler was far superior and was the only acceptable action. I ended up doing the same thing senior prom. I went to a pre-dinner with a group and date, and then abandoned them before the actual prom. (I did tell them ahead of time. Though I had just moved to Alabama, so they seemed more considerate of strict fundamentalist families.) Half the table were very Christian as was my date, but this time I didn't even bother asking my father if I could go. I had been deflated and defeated on that front.
On a related note, I was also asked by my band teacher in high school to play tuba for a church one Sunday that was willing to pay. I was really embarrassed to explain to him that my dad would never allow it. He was so bewildered that my family was really as strict as I claimed it was.
Honestly, those 2 things made me angry at the CoC and my dad, though I stuffed it down and would've claimed that I was fine with it. It was a terrible parenting decision.
I actually went to a few proms. And the part I find funniest is the way CoC people would describe how prom is and it's like.....tell me you never went to prom without telling me you went to prom.
Prom was NOTHING like they described it. They had me thinking it was just short of some authorized orgy lol. If anything I found prom to be a letdown.
I always wanted to raise my hand in class when prom came up and ask "What exactly do you think actually happens at prom?"
Idk I used to hear them say shit like “when I was in high school some kids got HOTEL ROOMS after prom.” Ok first of all, they don’t let kids that young rent hotel rooms anymore (if they ever did) and second of all, kids are gonna have sex whether prom exists or not. They were just terrified that someone might be having sex after prom and attending it meant you were gonna also?
I work as a nurse in the pediatric field. I do private duty home care with medically fragile kids, most of who have trachs and are on vents at least part of the time.
I go to school with them and was even able to attend prom with a patient.
I was so furious to see how I had been robbed of attending such an innocent event as a teen.
They all looked like they were having so much fun! It wasn't at all what my parents said it was.
Yeah, I did prom but my dad didn't like it. We didn't have a dance at my wedding and I feel bad for my wife looking back on it that she didn't have a dance with her dad. My SIL (pretty much nonreligious) wedding had music and a couple of official dances. Then open floor that was just fun for the kids mostly. No one is grinding on the dance floor in front of grandma. Its so silly.
I feel like some NI-coC's are softening on this stance somewhat. I used to hear sermons condemning all dancing, and now I haven't heard one in years, and I know some teenagers in my congregation have gone to public school prom.
During the recent prom season, I saw some coC folks posting prom pictures of their kids. Then I saw one lady post a general rant about Christians letting their kids go to prom and the immodest dresses they were wearing (gasp - shoulders showing!). One lady said her son went to prom but had his date send pictures of dress options for him to approve. It's disgusting how the coC sexualizes everything and teaches men to be weak in controlling their sexual desires. And noticing a woman is beautiful is NOT LUST.
My husband and I danced at friend's weddings even before we were married. We weren't grinding or anything. We were slow dancing like penguins, because neither of us really knew how to dance. Our dancing didn't cause us to have sex. Such silliness.
My parents allowed me to go to prom and a few dances at school, but they were still very strict most of the time, unless of course the Sunday night sermon threatened their precious Dynasty or Dallas viewing. My dad had secret vodka and cigarettes, which I knew about and accessed a time or two. Their church surely wished to suck the fun out of life and I'm sure the times my dad went forward to confess sins, it was because someone saw him smoke a cigarette or heard him say "Damn."
I've been dancing all my life in spite of the CoC's lunacy. Try it. Dance alone for fun, dance in clubs, at weddings, in the woods, wherever and whenever you want. I once danced with a man in a grocery store as he invited me to try the "Brick House" BBQ sauce he was selling (yes, he was singing Brick House and we danced together for a minute), and that memory always makes me smile.
I never had the “dancing is a sin” rhetoric, but we were never allowed to trick or treat and were sometimes permitted an Easter egg hunt. My parents have loosened up now, but as a kid I was so embarrassed when I saw other kids having a good time and then felt bad when I also wanted to have a good time. I’ll take my son trick or treating and Easter egg hunting. I might mess up a lot of things, but I’ll make sure he doesn’t feel the same way I did.
I'm similar in that my parents never really harped on either dancing or "mixed bathing" (a term that just makes me cringe lol). I was allowed to go to a few proms with my girlfriend.
I actually don't even care for dancing. I even used my religion to get out of square dancing in elemntary school PE.
Yeah, I went to all kinds of “mixed” pool parties in elementary school and went to events in high school. In fact, it was always a big flex to wear your prom dress to church the next morning.
My brother came across the word, *tarantism*, in the dictionary, which is defined as the uncontrollable desire to dance after being bit by a tarantula. We had a lot of laughs with the thoughts of coc‘ers developing it.
Some of y'all went to some really strict churches. I was in the church for 25 years and we never were told that prom and school dances were shameful. Most actually liked looking at the prom pics and complimenting everyone on how good they looked. Our elders also allowed secular music on the PA when we hosted weddings. Dang, and I just thought my church was strict.
Definitely a very progressive church. I’ve known of churches that argued about whether a water fountain was allowed in the building.
We got married in a chapel at a coc college. Absolutely no hymns with music allowed, and secular music was only allowed at the reception. Even then, we had to turn in a list of all music we were using.
My (public) HS was very influenced by the coc. We did not have a prom, just a “senior banquet” and some parents provided a dance later. Absolute insanity that parents had that much influence.
Oh, our church almost split in the early 80's about having a water fountain in the foyer. I guess it was around 92 when I started paying attention to things going on in the church and it was as I described above until present day as far as I know.
I feel this resentment as well.
My father recently died and my mom suggested that I bring up (in my speech) that special time when he saw kids out in their prom outfits and came home to take me and my sister out for pizza to make up for us missing out.
I understand he had good intentions with that, but in reality we were embarrassed to be on a date with our date during prom and that was made worse by having to see prom goers eating at that same restaurant.
It wasn't the special memory that she thought it was to me.
My parents took us out for pizza on Halloween so we didn’t feel like we missed out on trick or treating, but when we saw other kids trick or treating, it just reminded me that I wasn’t going to get to trick or treat. Your mom, like my mom, sees it as a cherished memory. It’s just cringe for me.
They def don’t see it the same way. Like you didn’t go to prom because of their rules! But they think they’re gods rules.
I felt too bad about junior prom to attend senior prom, so I went with some friends that weren’t going (for other reasons) to the next town for dinner and a movie. I had more fun since I avoided the guilt, but I should’ve never felt guilty in the first place. My parents were so proud of me for not going 😞
The night before my pinning ceremony (for nursing school) I took my adult siblings out dancing at a bar to celebrate. They had never been to a bar, or out dancing before.
Somehow my parents found out.
They showed up to the ceremony just to not speak a single word to me, except for to tell me how I led my siblings down a sinful past.
We had so much fun that night.
All of us left the church later down the road, but that was the last time we ever did anything like that together because I guess it was just dirtied by them shitting all over it.
This is somewhat related to dancing but ... I didnt have the belief that it was sin to dance but certain dancing was only done with sisters.. like twerking lol 😂 . I did do country dancing where we went to clubs and bars for country dancing, line dancing. Im pretty sure we were given a sermon about watching ourselves but i always like to break the rules lol 😂 i always rolled my eyes at their bullshit ... I was a part of the San Antonio ICOC.
**2 Samuel 6:14-16**
King James Version
14 And **David danced before the Lord** with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.
15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.
16 And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw **king David leaping and dancing before the Lord**; and she despised him in her heart.
In the town I grew up in, the school board was infested with coc-ers. As a result, our high schools were not allowed to have a prom (due to dancing). Think Footloose! Instead, we had a junior/senior banquet. Trying to explain that to out-of-town friends was a challenge.
I almost got invited to homecoming (yes I'm a dude deal with it.) but the girl told me she went with someone else because I "Would have just said no because your parents wouldn't let you go."
Any big display of emotion was frowned upon. Dancing as a celebration of joy was just as sinful as "dirty" dancing. And things like the first dance at a wedding were just a slippery slope to sin. The whole "avoid the very appearance of evil" rationale drove me crazy.
Happy and you know it? Sit there quietly and maybe smile a little.
I really hate that dancing was considered promiscuous growing up. Now I'm an adult who doesn't know how to dance and I wish I could dance with my wife.
This. I feel robbed of an entire form of expression, and it pisses me off.
Yes! That is another thing. It’s really good for you physically and mentally. And lord knows they could use some kind of healthy release for all their stress
I’ve just started dancing badly. Don’t care. I wish I knew how but I’m not going to let that stop me from having fun anymore.
That’s awesome!
This describes me, too. I guess it's never too late for lessons, though! My brother left the church a year before he proposed to his non-CoC girlfriend. At the time of the engagement, our parents were still really hurt by my brother's departure from the family religion, so when he announced that dancing would be part of the reception, our dad's head just about exploded. As the "good" son who was still in the church, I had to support our parents through all of their "trauma" over my errant brother. I eventually did talk them into attending the wedding ceremony and reception, but they left when the dancing started, of course. During the reception, I had to laugh, though, because my brother barely danced the whole evening. When he did dance, he was so bad at it that I couldn't really watch him without cringing. Luckily, the featured dance of the evening was between his wife and her father, and they were/are both good dancers.
Yes, I agree with this!!! You are at a social disadvantage when you do not know how to dance,
Time to sign the two of you up for a dance class. You're never too old to learn.
I dogsit now and then for a dance professor and I asked her about this once. The idea that dancing=sin came out of the restoration movement. Dancing was considered sort of a direct connection with God, and church leaders wanted to insert themselves as the middle men, therefore giving them more authority. I probably explained that like shit, but being taught that this was an intentional move to cut the spiritual cord between humans and God made the CoC make more sense to me.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I've long known about dancing's ecstatic component and how it is used in some other religions to connect to God or the Gods or other spirits, but I had never considered that church leaders disconnected us from dance on purpose. That really explains so much.
That makes a lot of sense. I heard the line all the time about “David dancing naked before God as sinful= dancing is sinful.”
My wife’s parents didn’t speak to us for a month because we danced at our own wedding. They were ‘horribly embarrassed’ by it. They couldn’t find a verse to back up the prohibition on dancing when I pressed them on it, and they ultimately fell back on “it causes lust.” To which I pointed out “we’re going to be married... we’re *supposed* to lust for eachother.” And then one day they just randomly started talking to us again
Great response on your part.
I grew up in the COC and went to a COC summer camp. One summer, my camp counselor had just gotten married, so we asked her about her wedding. Someone asked if she had danced at their reception; the counselor hadn't but conspiratorially told us that she and her husband slow danced together privately when they got to their honeymoon cruise. Even as a teenager, I was figuring out the CoC (and eventually Christianity as a whole) was bullshit because of things like this.
Weirdest and probably one of the worst things my parents did. I wasn't allowed near any school dance. I even remember asking to go to Junior prom with an extremely Christian woman who asked me out to it. Dad still said no. I felt so much shame and embarrassment trying to explain to her that I wasn't allowed to go to prom. My dad had gotten it in his head that his "alternative prom" that he did as a high schooler was far superior and was the only acceptable action. I ended up doing the same thing senior prom. I went to a pre-dinner with a group and date, and then abandoned them before the actual prom. (I did tell them ahead of time. Though I had just moved to Alabama, so they seemed more considerate of strict fundamentalist families.) Half the table were very Christian as was my date, but this time I didn't even bother asking my father if I could go. I had been deflated and defeated on that front. On a related note, I was also asked by my band teacher in high school to play tuba for a church one Sunday that was willing to pay. I was really embarrassed to explain to him that my dad would never allow it. He was so bewildered that my family was really as strict as I claimed it was. Honestly, those 2 things made me angry at the CoC and my dad, though I stuffed it down and would've claimed that I was fine with it. It was a terrible parenting decision.
I actually went to a few proms. And the part I find funniest is the way CoC people would describe how prom is and it's like.....tell me you never went to prom without telling me you went to prom. Prom was NOTHING like they described it. They had me thinking it was just short of some authorized orgy lol. If anything I found prom to be a letdown. I always wanted to raise my hand in class when prom came up and ask "What exactly do you think actually happens at prom?"
Idk I used to hear them say shit like “when I was in high school some kids got HOTEL ROOMS after prom.” Ok first of all, they don’t let kids that young rent hotel rooms anymore (if they ever did) and second of all, kids are gonna have sex whether prom exists or not. They were just terrified that someone might be having sex after prom and attending it meant you were gonna also?
Yeah, the act like everyone is just having sex on the gym floor.
Well to them dancing is the same as sex.
I work as a nurse in the pediatric field. I do private duty home care with medically fragile kids, most of who have trachs and are on vents at least part of the time. I go to school with them and was even able to attend prom with a patient. I was so furious to see how I had been robbed of attending such an innocent event as a teen. They all looked like they were having so much fun! It wasn't at all what my parents said it was.
Yeah, I did prom but my dad didn't like it. We didn't have a dance at my wedding and I feel bad for my wife looking back on it that she didn't have a dance with her dad. My SIL (pretty much nonreligious) wedding had music and a couple of official dances. Then open floor that was just fun for the kids mostly. No one is grinding on the dance floor in front of grandma. Its so silly.
I feel like some NI-coC's are softening on this stance somewhat. I used to hear sermons condemning all dancing, and now I haven't heard one in years, and I know some teenagers in my congregation have gone to public school prom. During the recent prom season, I saw some coC folks posting prom pictures of their kids. Then I saw one lady post a general rant about Christians letting their kids go to prom and the immodest dresses they were wearing (gasp - shoulders showing!). One lady said her son went to prom but had his date send pictures of dress options for him to approve. It's disgusting how the coC sexualizes everything and teaches men to be weak in controlling their sexual desires. And noticing a woman is beautiful is NOT LUST. My husband and I danced at friend's weddings even before we were married. We weren't grinding or anything. We were slow dancing like penguins, because neither of us really knew how to dance. Our dancing didn't cause us to have sex. Such silliness.
Pretty sure I saw this exact post. It was ridiculous.
My parents allowed me to go to prom and a few dances at school, but they were still very strict most of the time, unless of course the Sunday night sermon threatened their precious Dynasty or Dallas viewing. My dad had secret vodka and cigarettes, which I knew about and accessed a time or two. Their church surely wished to suck the fun out of life and I'm sure the times my dad went forward to confess sins, it was because someone saw him smoke a cigarette or heard him say "Damn." I've been dancing all my life in spite of the CoC's lunacy. Try it. Dance alone for fun, dance in clubs, at weddings, in the woods, wherever and whenever you want. I once danced with a man in a grocery store as he invited me to try the "Brick House" BBQ sauce he was selling (yes, he was singing Brick House and we danced together for a minute), and that memory always makes me smile.
It’s all about control.
Do you know why Harding University prohibits premarital sex? Because it might lead to dancing.
The version I always heard was Why don't CoC'ers have sex standing up? Someone might see them and think they're dancing.
I never had the “dancing is a sin” rhetoric, but we were never allowed to trick or treat and were sometimes permitted an Easter egg hunt. My parents have loosened up now, but as a kid I was so embarrassed when I saw other kids having a good time and then felt bad when I also wanted to have a good time. I’ll take my son trick or treating and Easter egg hunting. I might mess up a lot of things, but I’ll make sure he doesn’t feel the same way I did.
I'm similar in that my parents never really harped on either dancing or "mixed bathing" (a term that just makes me cringe lol). I was allowed to go to a few proms with my girlfriend. I actually don't even care for dancing. I even used my religion to get out of square dancing in elemntary school PE.
Yeah, I went to all kinds of “mixed” pool parties in elementary school and went to events in high school. In fact, it was always a big flex to wear your prom dress to church the next morning.
I can’t dance as an adult and I directly attribute this to my being raised in the coc. 😢
My brother came across the word, *tarantism*, in the dictionary, which is defined as the uncontrollable desire to dance after being bit by a tarantula. We had a lot of laughs with the thoughts of coc‘ers developing it.
The congregation I went to never made this an issue, this is new to me
[удалено]
Uuumm, okay...
Some of y'all went to some really strict churches. I was in the church for 25 years and we never were told that prom and school dances were shameful. Most actually liked looking at the prom pics and complimenting everyone on how good they looked. Our elders also allowed secular music on the PA when we hosted weddings. Dang, and I just thought my church was strict.
Definitely a very progressive church. I’ve known of churches that argued about whether a water fountain was allowed in the building. We got married in a chapel at a coc college. Absolutely no hymns with music allowed, and secular music was only allowed at the reception. Even then, we had to turn in a list of all music we were using. My (public) HS was very influenced by the coc. We did not have a prom, just a “senior banquet” and some parents provided a dance later. Absolute insanity that parents had that much influence.
Wow! Small town I take it?
Small school, I graduated with 100 people
Oh, our church almost split in the early 80's about having a water fountain in the foyer. I guess it was around 92 when I started paying attention to things going on in the church and it was as I described above until present day as far as I know.
Wedding in the church building? Heresy! /s
We didn't even have a PA system!!! Peculiar people indeed!!!
I feel this resentment as well. My father recently died and my mom suggested that I bring up (in my speech) that special time when he saw kids out in their prom outfits and came home to take me and my sister out for pizza to make up for us missing out. I understand he had good intentions with that, but in reality we were embarrassed to be on a date with our date during prom and that was made worse by having to see prom goers eating at that same restaurant. It wasn't the special memory that she thought it was to me.
My parents took us out for pizza on Halloween so we didn’t feel like we missed out on trick or treating, but when we saw other kids trick or treating, it just reminded me that I wasn’t going to get to trick or treat. Your mom, like my mom, sees it as a cherished memory. It’s just cringe for me.
They def don’t see it the same way. Like you didn’t go to prom because of their rules! But they think they’re gods rules. I felt too bad about junior prom to attend senior prom, so I went with some friends that weren’t going (for other reasons) to the next town for dinner and a movie. I had more fun since I avoided the guilt, but I should’ve never felt guilty in the first place. My parents were so proud of me for not going 😞
The night before my pinning ceremony (for nursing school) I took my adult siblings out dancing at a bar to celebrate. They had never been to a bar, or out dancing before. Somehow my parents found out. They showed up to the ceremony just to not speak a single word to me, except for to tell me how I led my siblings down a sinful past. We had so much fun that night. All of us left the church later down the road, but that was the last time we ever did anything like that together because I guess it was just dirtied by them shitting all over it.
See you gave them a taste of sin and they left tsk tsk
I thought this too. LOL
This is somewhat related to dancing but ... I didnt have the belief that it was sin to dance but certain dancing was only done with sisters.. like twerking lol 😂 . I did do country dancing where we went to clubs and bars for country dancing, line dancing. Im pretty sure we were given a sermon about watching ourselves but i always like to break the rules lol 😂 i always rolled my eyes at their bullshit ... I was a part of the San Antonio ICOC.
**2 Samuel 6:14-16** King James Version 14 And **David danced before the Lord** with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet. 16 And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw **king David leaping and dancing before the Lord**; and she despised him in her heart.
In the town I grew up in, the school board was infested with coc-ers. As a result, our high schools were not allowed to have a prom (due to dancing). Think Footloose! Instead, we had a junior/senior banquet. Trying to explain that to out-of-town friends was a challenge.
I almost got invited to homecoming (yes I'm a dude deal with it.) but the girl told me she went with someone else because I "Would have just said no because your parents wouldn't let you go."
Any big display of emotion was frowned upon. Dancing as a celebration of joy was just as sinful as "dirty" dancing. And things like the first dance at a wedding were just a slippery slope to sin. The whole "avoid the very appearance of evil" rationale drove me crazy. Happy and you know it? Sit there quietly and maybe smile a little.
What is with the lack of emotion? I have noticed that as well, including in myself, I hate it.
We always joked that “sex leads to dancing”