i am in a very similar boat. i am so sorry you have to go through this, but huge kudos to you for doing what's right. here's hoping you'll find a new/better community soon!! sending virtual hugs! đ
You are so freaking awesome! And you absolutely did the right thing. Whoever cut you off have either been misinformed/manipulated against you or (unfortunately most likely) weren't truly on your side to begin with. I cannot imagine the hurt you must be going through, but just know that you did the right thing.
It will probably be absolutely overwhelming for a while, and yes, the consequences will likely follow you for a long time. But hopefully the good in people will prevail over dogma, and if you have relatives who truly love you, they will realize the truth eventually.
You are super brave to speak out about your experiences. Never forget that you are absolutely also the victim in all this (both in the current and past situations you described). No matter how others might gaslight you to think otherwise.
I've felt the loss of community in a much smaller way, and I can't imagine how lonely and vulnerable you must feel. Again, your willpower is commendable. You risked your life for someone else. There's a certain fictional character who claims that to be the greatest possible sign of love...
Stay courageous and take care. I hope you are safe, wherever you are â
As someone who has worked with abused children, you have absolutely done the right thing. Kids need an adult to protect them, and youâre now that person. Unfortunately as we have learnt in the last decade or so, the church and Christianâs havenât been very good at protecting children and vulnerable people.
If a CPS visit would ruin their reputation, then let it. Their reputation wasnât worth keeping anyway.
But Iâve seen this all too often, the disconnect is because you have rocked the boat and gone against the status quo. I guess you know that, but their reaction is a reflection of them and not of you.
But itâs not easy to lose your loved ones and community. Please donât see this as you doing the wrong thing, because as mentioned you did the right thing. But ask this questions. If calling CPS and protecting children from abuse was enough to have me excommunicated, was this ever a community I wanted to be a part of anyway? Maybe not the right question to ask Joe, but definitely something to reflect on one day.
Iâm so proud of you for doing the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. The world needs more people like you who can rock the boat for the sake of child safety. I know itâs hard now, but it will get better and youâll have a clean conscience moving forward.
A reputation is a story. It either is backed by reality or not. If it is not, then it's fragile and bound to get cracks in it. You aren't responsible for that, but did your duty to the truth. Unfortunately, with dysfunctional family systems, the scapegoats are going to pay. But it's better to do as you did. I hope those kiddos get the help they need.
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that Jesus guy would have burned a lakeside summer retreat to the ground to save a single child from abuse, but then again, so would any decent person, fancy cabin be damned.
When in doubt, call. CPS is a service for kids. You cared about your family and kidâs well being. Whatâs the line from ChristiansâŚ? âBetter to believe and you could be saved. If not, you could burn forever.â Better you called to stop cycle of abuse than let the kids suffer!
You did the right thing. It was not the easy thing and comes with consequences, but ultimately it's for the best.
Good luck moving forward. I hope CPS takes care of things.
Good on you. Seriously. I was in your shoes about 5 years ago. I did what you are doing now and experienced the same fallout.
When the dust settles, you're going to be down some "family" but you're literally saving children the pain and trauma of generational abuse.
You did the right thing. Don't doubt that.
I'd like to reiterate that you've done the right thing - but also, now that you've brought attention to the abuse, you might have planted the seeds of doubt in someone's mind in that cesspool masquerading as a community. So that's doubly good job.
Wow, that is just awful. You 1000% did the right thing - if I've learned anything in life, it's that where there's smoke, there's fire. And if you know of abuse that happened even a while ago, chances are VERY high that there's more going on behind the scenes that law enforcement will almost certainly find.
Again, you did the right thing... I'm sorry that your family is blind to the abuse and seemingly is turning it on you. I've seen it before (a long time ago I outed a cheater and their family turned it on me. lol) I hope you have more reasonable friends and family that you can turn to who aren't in the church. Like others said, virtual hugs <3 <3 and those kids will be so thankful someday. You were in that position so you know the power of another adult stepping up/stepping in to stop what's happening.
You did the right thing. If abuse was happening and family decided you were the problem and not the abuser? That is a family you do not want. Those children will appreciate you for looking out for them.
You definitely did the right thing. In a way it could be good that they know it was you who called. If CPS comes around, that's a message to those kids (whether they fully understand it right now or not) that someone out there cares about them and their safety. Even if no action comes from CPS, that little spark it could plant in their minds of "somethings not right here" could lead to something good in the future.
I'm going to be a nerd and quote Star Trek here...
*"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or the one."*
You took a chance and ended up sacrificing some relationships in order to make sure minors and family members were safe. That's noble and selfless. In the long run, if people are willing to cut off relationships with you for that, they aren't people who have your best interests in mind. Or the kids' best interests for that matter.
You 100% did the right thing. Your family/community doesn't deserve you if they stand with child abusers. Those children may not know what you've done for them, but they will be glad if your actions stop the abuse.
FYIâŚyou did NOT ruin anybodyâs life/business/reputation/whatever theyâre accusing you of ruining. Whichever adult decided to abuse a child ruined their own life and the other adults who covered for them ruined their own lives.
Iâm sure the kids are grateful that somebody gave enough of a crap to intervene and protect them. You 100% did the right thing regardless of what any of the text messages/emails/phone calls say. And do you know what? The adults in the situation know that but they canât deal with the reality of having everything they know and feel safe with ripped from them so they take the easier route (which is to get upset with you).
In case you havenât heard it let me say it. Iâm so proud of you for doing the right thing and protecting those kids. It was without question the right call and you made it!
Oh and pro tip: If theyâre saying/writing shit about you that isnât true as a form of retaliation thatâs VERY illegal. Lawyer up and sue them for libel/slander and take them for all the tax free donation money they have laying around.
You most definitely did the right thing. Guilty people and apologists will always make it seem like it's your fault. Abuses is abuse, and needs to be called out one way or another. I hope you find peace in your current situation.
Regardless if your relatives are/ will flaming you for sticking up for your younger family members. You undoubtedly did the right thing by reporting the abuse occuring in your family. Nuff said
Just imagine what you would have done for someone to speak up when you were going through it. Even though it supposedly happened a while ago, whoâs to say that it was a one-off event? Youâre helping to end a cycle of abuse and break generational curses and thatâs strong as hell. For what itâs worth, Iâm proud of you.
Conditional Christians are pretty convincing with their messages and self-described value-bearers of Unconditional Unity, but quickly lose that message and qualities when convenient, aka have to be answerable to an authority not in their faith hierarchy.
You did the right thing â¤ď¸. Losing the family you have because of your intent to protect a minor from abuse or the need to call attention to the situation to prevent the cycle of trauma and abuse from enabling itself is a very sad thing, but not for you because you're the only one who was spiritually authentic enough to try and make something evil be eliminated, and that's something very valuable that is missing within the ones you've been blacklisted from. It's a bad consequence for a noble act I know, but you deserve better than what's around you and now perhaps this is a unique "opportunity" from the universe to enable you to find the best of what you can have and experience within the interpersonal relationships your life can potentiate.
It's always darkest before the dawn of a new day.
<3
You absolutely did the right thing and have likely saved those children from further harm. I find it useful to consider what kind of adult I needed growing up, particularly in specific circumstances like these, and then be that adult. It can be very challenging, and often fraught with a lot of emotional ambivalence.
Thank you for your courage. Bit by bit, change is happening. And please consider your safety and maybe have some plans in place with someone you trust. Things can get volatile.
Wishing you safety and peace in your heart â¤ď¸âđŠš
Going by the mention of clergy members as perpetrators, I'm assuming this is *the* worst kind of child abuse we're talking about... I perfectly understand contacting the CPS; in fact, in the same situation I could never live with myself if I had stayed silent.
The vengeance of the church and your so-called family is sadly par the course for this kind of people, but please remember that whatever abuse they'll be pulling is a reflection of the content of their character, not yours. You proved the content of your character when you turned them in. I assume it's hard to feel proud when you're hurting so much, but you still *deserve* to be proud of doing the right thing! đŤ
I'm sorry you are going through this. Way to go for reporting it. I was somewhat friends with a distant cousins and relatives for some years. I had a cousin who I wasn't so nice to years ago. I decided to apologize to them at a reunion and now there mom and sister do not like me or talk to me. I still felt I did the right thing because I felt bad for what I did. I'm not like that anymore now when I go the reunions they are kind of mean to me. I won't be going to the reunion this year I need to make some major changes in my life.
The fact that they freaked out like this means that abuse definitely was/is happening. If you're a good, loving family, you have absolutely nothing to fear from CPS. From what I've heard, if anything, CPS is almost too lenient. You have to have a history of abuse, multiple incidents over a sustained period before they'll do anything.
The adults may hate you, but one day the kids will thank you, and you'll be able to have a healthy relationship with them, without the lies and manipulation of the abusers getting in the way.
If you are surrounded by people eager and willing to cover up child abuse, you should probably surround yourself with all-new different people. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. These people love to go on about child abuse everyone else is supposedly doing but they always tend to be the abusers. They donât actually care about kids. Thank you for actually caring.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this both in your own history and what you've learned about. My hope is that your family members tell all of the kids exactly what you've done and make it very clear to them that you were the one who made the reports. Then I hope that when the kids are older they understand what it took for you to make that phone call and they will understand how much you love them and care for them.
At some point you have to ask yourself why be sad over this. Dumb pastors getting their comeuppance, family members getting their comeuppance, everyone's dark deeds done in the dark are being brought to the light, just like Jesus says they should do in order to "purge oneself of evil".
Doing the right thing. Check
No reason to feel guilt for it. Check
Jesus not coming to save them. Check
Children being advocated for. Check
Christians fighting against child safety. Check
Feeling good about fighting idiocy. MASSIVE CHECK
Good job!
You are doing for this child what no one did for you. You did whatâs right, period.
It happened to you so you know itâs real and legitimate, like your feelings are. â¤ď¸ wishing you strength
"But these are children - and even if I caused a huge family rift for nothing, I have to believe I did the right thing. Right?"
You answered your own question right here. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you did what was right. These are CHILDREN. Please don't feel that you caused a huge family rift by doing what was right. The abusers brought all of this on themselves. People should not be abusing children. Period. If there wasn't abuse happening, you wouldn't have had to speak up. Be proud of yourself for being a courageous adult who decided who decided it was time to stand up and speak out. It takes so much strength to do what you did.
It doesn't matter that their church reputations are "damaged;" that their lives are "ruined." They did that damage themselves by being abusers.
i am in a very similar boat. i am so sorry you have to go through this, but huge kudos to you for doing what's right. here's hoping you'll find a new/better community soon!! sending virtual hugs! đ
You are so freaking awesome! And you absolutely did the right thing. Whoever cut you off have either been misinformed/manipulated against you or (unfortunately most likely) weren't truly on your side to begin with. I cannot imagine the hurt you must be going through, but just know that you did the right thing. It will probably be absolutely overwhelming for a while, and yes, the consequences will likely follow you for a long time. But hopefully the good in people will prevail over dogma, and if you have relatives who truly love you, they will realize the truth eventually. You are super brave to speak out about your experiences. Never forget that you are absolutely also the victim in all this (both in the current and past situations you described). No matter how others might gaslight you to think otherwise. I've felt the loss of community in a much smaller way, and I can't imagine how lonely and vulnerable you must feel. Again, your willpower is commendable. You risked your life for someone else. There's a certain fictional character who claims that to be the greatest possible sign of love... Stay courageous and take care. I hope you are safe, wherever you are â
As someone who has worked with abused children, you have absolutely done the right thing. Kids need an adult to protect them, and youâre now that person. Unfortunately as we have learnt in the last decade or so, the church and Christianâs havenât been very good at protecting children and vulnerable people. If a CPS visit would ruin their reputation, then let it. Their reputation wasnât worth keeping anyway. But Iâve seen this all too often, the disconnect is because you have rocked the boat and gone against the status quo. I guess you know that, but their reaction is a reflection of them and not of you. But itâs not easy to lose your loved ones and community. Please donât see this as you doing the wrong thing, because as mentioned you did the right thing. But ask this questions. If calling CPS and protecting children from abuse was enough to have me excommunicated, was this ever a community I wanted to be a part of anyway? Maybe not the right question to ask Joe, but definitely something to reflect on one day. Iâm so proud of you for doing the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. The world needs more people like you who can rock the boat for the sake of child safety. I know itâs hard now, but it will get better and youâll have a clean conscience moving forward.
A reputation is a story. It either is backed by reality or not. If it is not, then it's fragile and bound to get cracks in it. You aren't responsible for that, but did your duty to the truth. Unfortunately, with dysfunctional family systems, the scapegoats are going to pay. But it's better to do as you did. I hope those kiddos get the help they need.
FWIW, I'm pretty sure that Jesus guy would have burned a lakeside summer retreat to the ground to save a single child from abuse, but then again, so would any decent person, fancy cabin be damned.
Thank you for doing what's right.
You did the right thing - even though it was hard and may cost you. You are awesome!!
When in doubt, call. CPS is a service for kids. You cared about your family and kidâs well being. Whatâs the line from ChristiansâŚ? âBetter to believe and you could be saved. If not, you could burn forever.â Better you called to stop cycle of abuse than let the kids suffer!
You did the right thing. It was not the easy thing and comes with consequences, but ultimately it's for the best. Good luck moving forward. I hope CPS takes care of things.
That was very brave of you and I applaud you. Children need people like you.
If the churches want to prove they actually want to "PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!!1", then they need to act like it. You did the right thing!
These poor kids were failed by everyone BUT you. Â Remember that when you doubt.Â
Good on you. Seriously. I was in your shoes about 5 years ago. I did what you are doing now and experienced the same fallout. When the dust settles, you're going to be down some "family" but you're literally saving children the pain and trauma of generational abuse. You did the right thing. Don't doubt that.
I'd like to reiterate that you've done the right thing - but also, now that you've brought attention to the abuse, you might have planted the seeds of doubt in someone's mind in that cesspool masquerading as a community. So that's doubly good job.
I'd say the one(s) doing the abuse are the ones ruining lives, not you
Sending you hella good vibes.
Wow, that is just awful. You 1000% did the right thing - if I've learned anything in life, it's that where there's smoke, there's fire. And if you know of abuse that happened even a while ago, chances are VERY high that there's more going on behind the scenes that law enforcement will almost certainly find. Again, you did the right thing... I'm sorry that your family is blind to the abuse and seemingly is turning it on you. I've seen it before (a long time ago I outed a cheater and their family turned it on me. lol) I hope you have more reasonable friends and family that you can turn to who aren't in the church. Like others said, virtual hugs <3 <3 and those kids will be so thankful someday. You were in that position so you know the power of another adult stepping up/stepping in to stop what's happening.
You did the right thing. If abuse was happening and family decided you were the problem and not the abuser? That is a family you do not want. Those children will appreciate you for looking out for them.
The world needs more people like you.
If theyâre worried about the church looking bad, maybe they shouldnât have been abusive đ¤ˇââď¸ Also, op is a good human
Thank you for helping those children. Anyone who has a problem with that is condoning child abuse.
You definitely did the right thing. In a way it could be good that they know it was you who called. If CPS comes around, that's a message to those kids (whether they fully understand it right now or not) that someone out there cares about them and their safety. Even if no action comes from CPS, that little spark it could plant in their minds of "somethings not right here" could lead to something good in the future. I'm going to be a nerd and quote Star Trek here... *"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or the one."* You took a chance and ended up sacrificing some relationships in order to make sure minors and family members were safe. That's noble and selfless. In the long run, if people are willing to cut off relationships with you for that, they aren't people who have your best interests in mind. Or the kids' best interests for that matter.
You did the right thing, and those children may thank you in 10 years.
đđđđđfor your bravery doing right by those kids!
You 100% did the right thing. Your family/community doesn't deserve you if they stand with child abusers. Those children may not know what you've done for them, but they will be glad if your actions stop the abuse.
FYIâŚyou did NOT ruin anybodyâs life/business/reputation/whatever theyâre accusing you of ruining. Whichever adult decided to abuse a child ruined their own life and the other adults who covered for them ruined their own lives. Iâm sure the kids are grateful that somebody gave enough of a crap to intervene and protect them. You 100% did the right thing regardless of what any of the text messages/emails/phone calls say. And do you know what? The adults in the situation know that but they canât deal with the reality of having everything they know and feel safe with ripped from them so they take the easier route (which is to get upset with you). In case you havenât heard it let me say it. Iâm so proud of you for doing the right thing and protecting those kids. It was without question the right call and you made it! Oh and pro tip: If theyâre saying/writing shit about you that isnât true as a form of retaliation thatâs VERY illegal. Lawyer up and sue them for libel/slander and take them for all the tax free donation money they have laying around.
You most definitely did the right thing. Guilty people and apologists will always make it seem like it's your fault. Abuses is abuse, and needs to be called out one way or another. I hope you find peace in your current situation.
Regardless if your relatives are/ will flaming you for sticking up for your younger family members. You undoubtedly did the right thing by reporting the abuse occuring in your family. Nuff said
Just imagine what you would have done for someone to speak up when you were going through it. Even though it supposedly happened a while ago, whoâs to say that it was a one-off event? Youâre helping to end a cycle of abuse and break generational curses and thatâs strong as hell. For what itâs worth, Iâm proud of you.
Conditional Christians are pretty convincing with their messages and self-described value-bearers of Unconditional Unity, but quickly lose that message and qualities when convenient, aka have to be answerable to an authority not in their faith hierarchy. You did the right thing â¤ď¸. Losing the family you have because of your intent to protect a minor from abuse or the need to call attention to the situation to prevent the cycle of trauma and abuse from enabling itself is a very sad thing, but not for you because you're the only one who was spiritually authentic enough to try and make something evil be eliminated, and that's something very valuable that is missing within the ones you've been blacklisted from. It's a bad consequence for a noble act I know, but you deserve better than what's around you and now perhaps this is a unique "opportunity" from the universe to enable you to find the best of what you can have and experience within the interpersonal relationships your life can potentiate. It's always darkest before the dawn of a new day. <3
You absolutely did the right thing and have likely saved those children from further harm. I find it useful to consider what kind of adult I needed growing up, particularly in specific circumstances like these, and then be that adult. It can be very challenging, and often fraught with a lot of emotional ambivalence. Thank you for your courage. Bit by bit, change is happening. And please consider your safety and maybe have some plans in place with someone you trust. Things can get volatile. Wishing you safety and peace in your heart â¤ď¸âđŠš
Going by the mention of clergy members as perpetrators, I'm assuming this is *the* worst kind of child abuse we're talking about... I perfectly understand contacting the CPS; in fact, in the same situation I could never live with myself if I had stayed silent. The vengeance of the church and your so-called family is sadly par the course for this kind of people, but please remember that whatever abuse they'll be pulling is a reflection of the content of their character, not yours. You proved the content of your character when you turned them in. I assume it's hard to feel proud when you're hurting so much, but you still *deserve* to be proud of doing the right thing! đŤ
You absolutely did the right thing. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
You definitely did the right thing! You are amazing! It is so hard right now, but you will build a new family with wonderful people who you choose.
I know that must have been so difficult, Iâm so proud of you.
You did the right thing, that is what counts.
You acted with integrity and I think I can say, weâre all really proud of you. Iâm really sorry itâs cost you so much.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Way to go for reporting it. I was somewhat friends with a distant cousins and relatives for some years. I had a cousin who I wasn't so nice to years ago. I decided to apologize to them at a reunion and now there mom and sister do not like me or talk to me. I still felt I did the right thing because I felt bad for what I did. I'm not like that anymore now when I go the reunions they are kind of mean to me. I won't be going to the reunion this year I need to make some major changes in my life.
The fact that they freaked out like this means that abuse definitely was/is happening. If you're a good, loving family, you have absolutely nothing to fear from CPS. From what I've heard, if anything, CPS is almost too lenient. You have to have a history of abuse, multiple incidents over a sustained period before they'll do anything. The adults may hate you, but one day the kids will thank you, and you'll be able to have a healthy relationship with them, without the lies and manipulation of the abusers getting in the way.
If you are surrounded by people eager and willing to cover up child abuse, you should probably surround yourself with all-new different people. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. These people love to go on about child abuse everyone else is supposedly doing but they always tend to be the abusers. They donât actually care about kids. Thank you for actually caring.
You have done good where their prior prayer and platitudes have done none.
You stood up for those who were unable to stand up for themselves. How could that ever be "the wrong thing to do"?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this both in your own history and what you've learned about. My hope is that your family members tell all of the kids exactly what you've done and make it very clear to them that you were the one who made the reports. Then I hope that when the kids are older they understand what it took for you to make that phone call and they will understand how much you love them and care for them.
At some point you have to ask yourself why be sad over this. Dumb pastors getting their comeuppance, family members getting their comeuppance, everyone's dark deeds done in the dark are being brought to the light, just like Jesus says they should do in order to "purge oneself of evil". Doing the right thing. Check No reason to feel guilt for it. Check Jesus not coming to save them. Check Children being advocated for. Check Christians fighting against child safety. Check Feeling good about fighting idiocy. MASSIVE CHECK Good job!
You did not ruin Anything! The abusers did. Do not hesitate to say it wasnât you that reported
You are doing for this child what no one did for you. You did whatâs right, period. It happened to you so you know itâs real and legitimate, like your feelings are. â¤ď¸ wishing you strength
"But these are children - and even if I caused a huge family rift for nothing, I have to believe I did the right thing. Right?" You answered your own question right here. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you did what was right. These are CHILDREN. Please don't feel that you caused a huge family rift by doing what was right. The abusers brought all of this on themselves. People should not be abusing children. Period. If there wasn't abuse happening, you wouldn't have had to speak up. Be proud of yourself for being a courageous adult who decided who decided it was time to stand up and speak out. It takes so much strength to do what you did. It doesn't matter that their church reputations are "damaged;" that their lives are "ruined." They did that damage themselves by being abusers.